KING HENRY VIII


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


KING HENRY
the Eighth	(KING HENRY VIII:)

CARDINAL WOLSEY:

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS:

CAPUCIUS	Ambassador from the Emperor Charles V

CRANMER	Archbishop of Canterbury.

DUKE OF NORFOLK	(NORFOLK:)

DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM	(BUCKINGHAM:)

DUKE OF SUFFOLK	(SUFFOLK:)

EARL OF SURREY	(SURREY:)

Lord Chamberlain	(Chamberlain:)

Lord Chancellor	(Chancellor:)

GARDINER	Bishop of Winchester.

	Bishop of Lincoln. (LINCOLN:)

LORD ABERGAVENNY	(ABERGAVENNY:)

LORD SANDS	(SANDS:)

SIR HENRY
GUILDFORD	(GUILDFORD:)

SIR THOMAS LOVELL	(LOVELL:)

SIR ANTHONY DENNY	(DENNY:)

SIR NICHOLAS VAUX	(VAUX:)

	Secretaries to Wolsey.
	(First Secretary:)
	(Second Secretary:)

CROMWELL	Servant to Wolsey.

GRIFFITH	Gentleman-usher to Queen Katharine.

	Three Gentlemen.
	(First Gentleman:)
	(Second Gentleman:)
	(Third Gentleman:)

DOCTOR BUTTS	Physician to the King.

	Garter King-at-Arms. (Garter:)

	Surveyor to the Duke of Buckingham. (Surveyor:)

BRANDON:

	A Sergeant-at-Arms. (Sergeant:)

	Door-keeper of the Council-chamber. Porter, (Porter:)
	and his Man. (Man:)

	Page to Gardiner. (Boy:)
	A Crier. (Crier:)

QUEEN KATHARINE	(QUEEN KATHARINE:)  Wife to King Henry, afterwards
	divorced. (KATHARINE:)

ANNE BULLEN	(ANNE:) her Maid of Honour, afterwards Queen. (QUEEN ANNE:)

	An old Lady, friend to Anne Bullen. (Old Lady:)

PATIENCE	woman to Queen Katharine.

	Several Lords and Ladies in the Dumb Shows; Women
	attending upon the Queen; Scribes, Officers, Guards,
	and other Attendants.
	Spirits.

	(Scribe:)
	(Keeper:)
	(Servant:)
	(Messenger:)


SCENE	London; Westminster; Kimbolton




	KING HENRY VIII


	THE PROLOGUE


	I come no more to make you laugh: things now,
	That bear a weighty and a serious brow,
	Sad, high, and working, full of state and woe,
	Such noble scenes as draw the eye to flow,
	We now present. Those that can pity, here
	May, if they think it well, let fall a tear;
	The subject will deserve it. Such as give
	Their money out of hope they may believe,
	May here find truth too. Those that come to see
	Only a show or two, and so agree
	The play may pass, if they be still and willing,
	I'll undertake may see away their shilling
	Richly in two short hours. Only they
	That come to hear a merry bawdy play,
	A noise of targets, or to see a fellow
	In a long motley coat guarded with yellow,
	Will be deceived; for, gentle hearers, know,
	To rank our chosen truth with such a show
	As fool and fight is, beside forfeiting
	Our own brains, and the opinion that we bring,
	To make that only true we now intend,
	Will leave us never an understanding friend.
	Therefore, for goodness' sake, and as you are known
	The first and happiest hearers of the town,
	Be sad, as we would make ye: think ye see
	The very persons of our noble story
	As they were living; think you see them great,
	And follow'd with the general throng and sweat
	Of thousand friends; then in a moment, see
	How soon this mightiness meets misery:
	And, if you can be merry then, I'll say
	A man may weep upon his wedding-day.




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT I



SCENE I	London. An ante-chamber in the palace.


	[Enter NORFOLK at one door; at the other, BUCKINGHAM
	and ABERGAVENNY]

BUCKINGHAM	Good morrow, and well met. How have ye done
	Since last we saw in France?

NORFOLK	I thank your grace,
	Healthful; and ever since a fresh admirer
	Of what I saw there.

BUCKINGHAM	An untimely ague
	Stay'd me a prisoner in my chamber when
	Those suns of glory, those two lights of men,
	Met in the vale of Andren.

NORFOLK	'Twixt Guynes and Arde:
	I was then present, saw them salute on horseback;
	Beheld them, when they lighted, how they clung
	In their embracement, as they grew together;
	Which had they, what four throned ones could have weigh'd
	Such a compounded one?

BUCKINGHAM	All the whole time
	I was my chamber's prisoner.

NORFOLK	Then you lost
	The view of earthly glory: men might say,
	Till this time pomp was single, but now married
	To one above itself. Each following day
	Became the next day's master, till the last
	Made former wonders its. To-day the French,
	All clinquant, all in gold, like heathen gods,
	Shone down the English; and, to-morrow, they
	Made Britain India: every man that stood
	Show'd like a mine. Their dwarfish pages were
	As cherubins, all guilt: the madams too,
	Not used to toil, did almost sweat to bear
	The pride upon them, that their very labour
	Was to them as a painting: now this masque
	Was cried incomparable; and the ensuing night
	Made it a fool and beggar. The two kings,
	Equal in lustre, were now best, now worst,
	As presence did present them; him in eye,
	Still him in praise: and, being present both
	'Twas said they saw but one; and no discerner
	Durst wag his tongue in censure. When these suns--
	For so they phrase 'em--by their heralds challenged
	The noble spirits to arms, they did perform
	Beyond thought's compass; that former fabulous story,
	Being now seen possible enough, got credit,
	That Bevis was believed.

BUCKINGHAM	O, you go far.

NORFOLK	As I belong to worship and affect
	In honour honesty, the tract of every thing
	Would by a good discourser lose some life,
	Which action's self was tongue to. All was royal;
	To the disposing of it nought rebell'd.
	Order gave each thing view; the office did
	Distinctly his full function.

BUCKINGHAM	Who did guide,
	I mean, who set the body and the limbs
	Of this great sport together, as you guess?

NORFOLK	One, certes, that promises no element
	In such a business.

BUCKINGHAM	I pray you, who, my lord?

NORFOLK	All this was order'd by the good discretion
	Of the right reverend Cardinal of York.

BUCKINGHAM	The devil speed him! no man's pie is freed
	From his ambitious finger. What had he
	To do in these fierce vanities? I wonder
	That such a keech can with his very bulk
	Take up the rays o' the beneficial sun
	And keep it from the earth.

NORFOLK	Surely, sir,
	There's in him stuff that puts him to these ends;
	For, being not propp'd by ancestry, whose grace
	Chalks successors their way, nor call'd upon
	For high feats done to the crown; neither allied
	For eminent assistants; but, spider-like,
	Out of his self-drawing web, he gives us note,
	The force of his own merit makes his way
	A gift that heaven gives for him, which buys
	A place next to the king.

ABERGAVENNY	I cannot tell
	What heaven hath given him,--let some graver eye
	Pierce into that; but I can see his pride
	Peep through each part of him: whence has he that,
	If not from hell? the devil is a niggard,
	Or has given all before, and he begins
	A new hell in himself.

BUCKINGHAM	Why the devil,
	Upon this French going out, took he upon him,
	Without the privity o' the king, to appoint
	Who should attend on him? He makes up the file
	Of all the gentry; for the most part such
	To whom as great a charge as little honour
	He meant to lay upon: and his own letter,
	The honourable board of council out,
	Must fetch him in the papers.

ABERGAVENNY	I do know
	Kinsmen of mine, three at the least, that have
	By this so sickened their estates, that never
	They shall abound as formerly.

BUCKINGHAM	O, many
	Have broke their backs with laying manors on 'em
	For this great journey. What did this vanity
	But minister communication of
	A most poor issue?

NORFOLK	                  Grievingly I think,
	The peace between the French and us not values
	The cost that did conclude it.

BUCKINGHAM	Every man,
	After the hideous storm that follow'd, was
	A thing inspired; and, not consulting, broke
	Into a general prophecy; That this tempest,
	Dashing the garment of this peace, aboded
	The sudden breach on't.

NORFOLK	Which is budded out;
	For France hath flaw'd the league, and hath attach'd
	Our merchants' goods at Bourdeaux.

ABERGAVENNY	Is it therefore
	The ambassador is silenced?

NORFOLK	Marry, is't.

ABERGAVENNY	A proper title of a peace; and purchased
	At a superfluous rate!

BUCKINGHAM	Why, all this business
	Our reverend cardinal carried.

NORFOLK	Like it your grace,
	The state takes notice of the private difference
	Betwixt you and the cardinal. I advise you--
	And take it from a heart that wishes towards you
	Honour and plenteous safety--that you read
	The cardinal's malice and his potency
	Together; to consider further that
	What his high hatred would effect wants not
	A minister in his power. You know his nature,
	That he's revengeful, and I know his sword
	Hath a sharp edge: it's long and, 't may be said,
	It reaches far, and where 'twill not extend,
	Thither he darts it. Bosom up my counsel,
	You'll find it wholesome. Lo, where comes that rock
	That I advise your shunning.

	[Enter CARDINAL WOLSEY, the purse borne before him,
	certain of the Guard, and two Secretaries with
	papers. CARDINAL WOLSEY in his passage fixeth his
	eye on BUCKINGHAM, and BUCKINGHAM on him, both full
	of disdain]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	The Duke of Buckingham's surveyor, ha?
	Where's his examination?

First Secretary	Here, so please you.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Is he in person ready?

First Secretary	Ay, please your grace.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Well, we shall then know more; and Buckingham
	Shall lessen this big look.

	[Exeunt CARDINAL WOLSEY and his Train]

BUCKINGHAM	This butcher's cur is venom-mouth'd, and I
	Have not the power to muzzle him; therefore best
	Not wake him in his slumber. A beggar's book
	Outworths a noble's blood.

NORFOLK	What, are you chafed?
	Ask God for temperance; that's the appliance only
	Which your disease requires.

BUCKINGHAM	I read in's looks
	Matter against me; and his eye reviled
	Me, as his abject object: at this instant
	He bores me with some trick: he's gone to the king;
	I'll follow and outstare him.

NORFOLK	Stay, my lord,
	And let your reason with your choler question
	What 'tis you go about: to climb steep hills
	Requires slow pace at first: anger is like
	A full-hot horse, who being allow'd his way,
	Self-mettle tires him. Not a man in England
	Can advise me like you: be to yourself
	As you would to your friend.

BUCKINGHAM	I'll to the king;
	And from a mouth of honour quite cry down
	This Ipswich fellow's insolence; or proclaim
	There's difference in no persons.

NORFOLK	Be advised;
	Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot
	That it do singe yourself: we may outrun,
	By violent swiftness, that which we run at,
	And lose by over-running. Know you not,
	The fire that mounts the liquor til run o'er,
	In seeming to augment it wastes it? Be advised:
	I say again, there is no English soul
	More stronger to direct you than yourself,
	If with the sap of reason you would quench,
	Or but allay, the fire of passion.

BUCKINGHAM	Sir,
	I am thankful to you; and I'll go along
	By your prescription: but this top-proud fellow,
	Whom from the flow of gall I name not but
	From sincere motions, by intelligence,
	And proofs as clear as founts in July when
	We see each grain of gravel, I do know
	To be corrupt and treasonous.

NORFOLK	Say not 'treasonous.'

BUCKINGHAM	To the king I'll say't; and make my vouch as strong
	As shore of rock. Attend. This holy fox,
	Or wolf, or both,--for he is equal ravenous
	As he is subtle, and as prone to mischief
	As able to perform't; his mind and place
	Infecting one another, yea, reciprocally--
	Only to show his pomp as well in France
	As here at home, suggests the king our master
	To this last costly treaty, the interview,
	That swallow'd so much treasure, and like a glass
	Did break i' the rinsing.

NORFOLK	Faith, and so it did.

BUCKINGHAM	Pray, give me favour, sir. This cunning cardinal
	The articles o' the combination drew
	As himself pleased; and they were ratified
	As he cried 'Thus let be': to as much end
	As give a crutch to the dead: but our count-cardinal
	Has done this, and 'tis well; for worthy Wolsey,
	Who cannot err, he did it. Now this follows,--
	Which, as I take it, is a kind of puppy
	To the old dam, treason,--Charles the emperor,
	Under pretence to see the queen his aunt--
	For 'twas indeed his colour, but he came
	To whisper Wolsey,--here makes visitation:
	His fears were, that the interview betwixt
	England and France might, through their amity,
	Breed him some prejudice; for from this league
	Peep'd harms that menaced him: he privily
	Deals with our cardinal; and, as I trow,--
	Which I do well; for I am sure the emperor
	Paid ere he promised; whereby his suit was granted
	Ere it was ask'd; but when the way was made,
	And paved with gold, the emperor thus desired,
	That he would please to alter the king's course,
	And break the foresaid peace. Let the king know,
	As soon he shall by me, that thus the cardinal
	Does buy and sell his honour as he pleases,
	And for his own advantage.

NORFOLK	I am sorry
	To hear this of him; and could wish he were
	Something mistaken in't.

BUCKINGHAM	No, not a syllable:
	I  do pronounce him in that very shape
	He shall appear in proof.

	[Enter BRANDON, a Sergeant-at-arms before him, and
	two or three of the Guard]

BRANDON	Your office, sergeant; execute it.

Sergeant	Sir,
	My lord the Duke of Buckingham, and Earl
	Of Hereford, Stafford, and Northampton, I
	Arrest thee of high treason, in the name
	Of our most sovereign king.

BUCKINGHAM	Lo, you, my lord,
	The net has fall'n upon me! I shall perish
	Under device and practise.

BRANDON	I am sorry
	To see you ta'en from liberty, to look on
	The business present: 'tis his highness' pleasure
	You shall to the Tower.

BUCKINGHAM	It will help me nothing
	To plead mine innocence; for that dye is on me
	Which makes my whitest part black. The will of heaven
	Be done in this and all things! I obey.
	O my Lord Abergavenny, fare you well!

BRANDON	Nay, he must bear you company. The king

	[To ABERGAVENNY]

	Is pleased you shall to the Tower, till you know
	How he determines further.

ABERGAVENNY	As the duke said,
	The will of heaven be done, and the king's pleasure
	By me obey'd!

BRANDON	                  Here is a warrant from
	The king to attach Lord Montacute; and the bodies
	Of the duke's confessor, John de la Car,
	One Gilbert Peck, his chancellor--

BUCKINGHAM	So, so;
	These are the limbs o' the plot: no more, I hope.

BRANDON	A monk o' the Chartreux.

BUCKINGHAM	O, Nicholas Hopkins?

BRANDON	He.

BUCKINGHAM	My surveyor is false; the o'er-great cardinal
	Hath show'd him gold; my life is spann'd already:
	I am the shadow of poor Buckingham,
	Whose figure even this instant cloud puts on,
	By darkening my clear sun. My lord, farewell.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT I



SCENE II	The same. The council-chamber.


	[Cornets. Enter KING HENRY VIII, leaning on
	CARDINAL WOLSEY's shoulder, the Nobles, and LOVELL;
	CARDINAL WOLSEY places himself under KING HENRY
	VIII's feet on his right side]

KING HENRY VIII	My life itself, and the best heart of it,
	Thanks you for this great care: I stood i' the level
	Of a full-charged confederacy, and give thanks
	To you that choked it. Let be call'd before us
	That gentleman of Buckingham's; in person
	I'll hear him his confessions justify;
	And point by point the treasons of his master
	He shall again relate.

	[A noise within, crying 'Room for the Queen!' Enter
	QUEEN KATHARINE, ushered by NORFOLK, and SUFFOLK:
	she kneels. KING HENRY VIII riseth from his state,
	takes her up, kisses and placeth her by him]

QUEEN KATHARINE	Nay, we must longer kneel: I am a suitor.

KING HENRY VIII	Arise, and take place by us: half your suit
	Never name to us; you have half our power:
	The other moiety, ere you ask, is given;
	Repeat your will and take it.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Thank your majesty.
	That you would love yourself, and in that love
	Not unconsider'd leave your honour, nor
	The dignity of your office, is the point
	Of my petition.

KING HENRY VIII	                  Lady mine, proceed.

QUEEN KATHARINE	I am solicited, not by a few,
	And those of true condition, that your subjects
	Are in great grievance: there have been commissions
	Sent down among 'em, which hath flaw'd the heart
	Of all their loyalties: wherein, although,
	My good lord cardinal, they vent reproaches
	Most bitterly on you, as putter on
	Of these exactions, yet the king our master--
	Whose honour heaven shield from soil!--even he
	escapes not
	Language unmannerly, yea, such which breaks
	The sides of loyalty, and almost appears
	In loud rebellion.

NORFOLK	                  Not almost appears,
	It doth appear; for, upon these taxations,
	The clothiers all, not able to maintain
	The many to them longing, have put off
	The spinsters, carders, fullers, weavers, who,
	Unfit for other life, compell'd by hunger
	And lack of other means, in desperate manner
	Daring the event to the teeth, are all in uproar,
	And danger serves among then!

KING HENRY VIII	Taxation!
	Wherein? and what taxation? My lord cardinal,
	You that are blamed for it alike with us,
	Know you of this taxation?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Please you, sir,
	I know but of a single part, in aught
	Pertains to the state; and front but in that file
	Where others tell steps with me.

QUEEN KATHARINE	No, my lord,
	You know no more than others; but you frame
	Things that are known alike; which are not wholesome
	To those which would not know them, and yet must
	Perforce be their acquaintance. These exactions,
	Whereof my sovereign would have note, they are
	Most pestilent to the bearing; and, to bear 'em,
	The back is sacrifice to the load. They say
	They are devised by you; or else you suffer
	Too hard an exclamation.

KING HENRY VIII	Still exaction!
	The nature of it? in what kind, let's know,
	Is this exaction?

QUEEN KATHARINE	                  I am much too venturous
	In tempting of your patience; but am bolden'd
	Under your promised pardon. The subjects' grief
	Comes through commissions, which compel from each
	The sixth part of his substance, to be levied
	Without delay; and the pretence for this
	Is named, your wars in France: this makes bold mouths:
	Tongues spit their duties out, and cold hearts freeze
	Allegiance in them; their curses now
	Live where their prayers did: and it's come to pass,
	This tractable obedience is a slave
	To each incensed will. I would your highness
	Would give it quick consideration, for
	There is no primer business.

KING HENRY VIII	By my life,
	This is against our pleasure.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	And for me,
	I have no further gone in this than by
	A single voice; and that not pass'd me but
	By learned approbation of the judges. If I am
	Traduced by ignorant tongues, which neither know
	My faculties nor person, yet will be
	The chronicles of my doing, let me say
	'Tis but the fate of place, and the rough brake
	That virtue must go through. We must not stint
	Our necessary actions, in the fear
	To cope malicious censurers; which ever,
	As ravenous fishes, do a vessel follow
	That is new-trimm'd, but benefit no further
	Than vainly longing. What we oft do best,
	By sick interpreters, once weak ones, is
	Not ours, or not allow'd; what worst, as oft,
	Hitting a grosser quality, is cried up
	For our best act. If we shall stand still,
	In fear our motion will be mock'd or carp'd at,
	We should take root here where we sit, or sit
	State-statues only.

KING HENRY VIII	Things done well,
	And with a care, exempt themselves from fear;
	Things done without example, in their issue
	Are to be fear'd. Have you a precedent
	Of this commission? I believe, not any.
	We must not rend our subjects from our laws,
	And stick them in our will. Sixth part of each?
	A trembling contribution! Why, we take
	From every tree lop, bark, and part o' the timber;
	And, though we leave it with a root, thus hack'd,
	The air will drink the sap. To every county
	Where this is question'd send our letters, with
	Free pardon to each man that has denied
	The force of this commission: pray, look to't;
	I put it to your care.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	A word with you.

	[To the Secretary]

	Let there be letters writ to every shire,
	Of the king's grace and pardon. The grieved commons
	Hardly conceive of me; let it be noised
	That through our intercession this revokement
	And pardon comes: I shall anon advise you
	Further in the proceeding.

	[Exit Secretary]

	[Enter Surveyor]

QUEEN KATHARINE	I am sorry that the Duke of Buckingham
	Is run in your displeasure.

KING HENRY VIII	It grieves many:
	The gentleman is learn'd, and a most rare speaker;
	To nature none more bound; his training such,
	That he may furnish and instruct great teachers,
	And never seek for aid out of himself. Yet see,
	When these so noble benefits shall prove
	Not well disposed, the mind growing once corrupt,
	They turn to vicious forms, ten times more ugly
	Than ever they were fair. This man so complete,
	Who was enroll'd 'mongst wonders, and when we,
	Almost with ravish'd listening, could not find
	His hour of speech a minute; he, my lady,
	Hath into monstrous habits put the graces
	That once were his, and is become as black
	As if besmear'd in hell. Sit by us; you shall hear--
	This was his gentleman in trust--of him
	Things to strike honour sad. Bid him recount
	The fore-recited practises; whereof
	We cannot feel too little, hear too much.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Stand forth, and with bold spirit relate what you,
	Most like a careful subject, have collected
	Out of the Duke of Buckingham.

KING HENRY VIII	Speak freely.

Surveyor	First, it was usual with him, every day
	It would infect his speech, that if the king
	Should without issue die, he'll carry it so
	To make the sceptre his: these very words
	I've heard him utter to his son-in-law,
	Lord Abergavenny; to whom by oath he menaced
	Revenge upon the cardinal.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Please your highness, note
	This dangerous conception in this point.
	Not friended by by his wish, to your high person
	His will is most malignant; and it stretches
	Beyond you, to your friends.

QUEEN KATHARINE	My learn'd lord cardinal,
	Deliver all with charity.

KING HENRY VIII	Speak on:
	How grounded he his title to the crown,
	Upon our fail? to this point hast thou heard him
	At any time speak aught?

Surveyor	He was brought to this
	By a vain prophecy of Nicholas Hopkins.

KING HENRY VIII	What was that Hopkins?

Surveyor	Sir, a Chartreux friar,
	His confessor, who fed him every minute
	With words of sovereignty.

KING HENRY VIII	How know'st thou this?

Surveyor	Not long before your highness sped to France,
	The duke being at the Rose, within the parish
	Saint Lawrence Poultney, did of me demand
	What was the speech among the Londoners
	Concerning the French journey: I replied,
	Men fear'd the French would prove perfidious,
	To the king's danger. Presently the duke
	Said, 'twas the fear, indeed; and that he doubted
	'Twould prove the verity of certain words
	Spoke by a holy monk; 'that oft,' says he,
	'Hath sent to me, wishing me to permit
	John de la Car, my chaplain, a choice hour
	To hear from him a matter of some moment:
	Whom after under the confession's seal
	He solemnly had sworn, that what he spoke
	My chaplain to no creature living, but
	To me, should utter, with demure confidence
	This pausingly ensued: neither the king nor's heirs,
	Tell you the duke, shall prosper: bid him strive
	To gain the love o' the commonalty: the duke
	Shall govern England.'

QUEEN KATHARINE	If I know you well,
	You were the duke's surveyor, and lost your office
	On the complaint o' the tenants: take good heed
	You charge not in your spleen a noble person
	And spoil your nobler soul: I say, take heed;
	Yes, heartily beseech you.

KING HENRY VIII	Let him on.
	Go forward.

Surveyor	     On my soul, I'll speak but truth.
	I told my lord the duke, by the devil's illusions
	The monk might be deceived; and that 'twas dangerous for him
	To ruminate on this so far, until
	It forged him some design, which, being believed,
	It was much like to do: he answer'd, 'Tush,
	It can do me no damage;' adding further,
	That, had the king in his last sickness fail'd,
	The cardinal's and Sir Thomas Lovell's heads
	Should have gone off.

KING HENRY VIII	Ha! what, so rank? Ah ha!
	There's mischief in this man: canst thou say further?

Surveyor	I can, my liege.

KING HENRY VIII	                  Proceed.

Surveyor	Being at Greenwich,
	After your highness had reproved the duke
	About Sir William Blomer,--

KING HENRY VIII	I remember
	Of such a time: being my sworn servant,
	The duke retain'd him his. But on; what hence?

Surveyor	'If,' quoth he, 'I for this had been committed,
	As, to the Tower, I thought, I would have play'd
	The part my father meant to act upon
	The usurper Richard; who, being at Salisbury,
	Made suit to come in's presence; which if granted,
	As he made semblance of his duty, would
	Have put his knife to him.'

KING HENRY VIII	A giant traitor!

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Now, madam, may his highness live in freedom,
	and this man out of prison?

QUEEN KATHARINE	God mend all!

KING HENRY VIII	There's something more would out of thee; what say'st?

Surveyor	After 'the duke his father,' with 'the knife,'
	He stretch'd him, and, with one hand on his dagger,
	Another spread on's breast, mounting his eyes
	He did discharge a horrible oath; whose tenor
	Was,--were he evil used, he would outgo
	His father by as much as a performance
	Does an irresolute purpose.

KING HENRY VIII	There's his period,
	To sheathe his knife in us. He is attach'd;
	Call him to present trial: if he may
	Find mercy in the law, 'tis his: if none,
	Let him not seek 't of us: by day and night,
	He's traitor to the height.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT I



SCENE III	An ante-chamber in the palace.


	[Enter Chamberlain and SANDS]

Chamberlain	Is't possible the spells of France should juggle
	Men into such strange mysteries?

SANDS	New customs,
	Though they be never so ridiculous,
	Nay, let 'em be unmanly, yet are follow'd.

Chamberlain	As far as I see, all the good our English
	Have got by the late voyage is but merely
	A fit or two o' the face; but they are shrewd ones;
	For when they hold 'em, you would swear directly
	Their very noses had been counsellors
	To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so.

SANDS	They have all new legs, and lame ones: one would take it,
	That never saw 'em pace before, the spavin
	Or springhalt reign'd among 'em.

Chamberlain	Death! my lord,
	Their clothes are after such a pagan cut too,
	That, sure, they've worn out Christendom.

	[Enter LOVELL]

		                  How now!
	What news, Sir Thomas Lovell?

LOVELL	Faith, my lord,
	I hear of none, but the new proclamation
	That's clapp'd upon the court-gate.

Chamberlain	What is't for?

LOVELL	The reformation of our travell'd gallants,
	That fill the court with quarrels, talk, and tailors.

Chamberlain	I'm glad 'tis there: now I would pray our monsieurs
	To think an English courtier may be wise,
	And never see the Louvre.

LOVELL	They must either,
	For so run the conditions, leave those remnants
	Of fool and feather that they got in France,
	With all their honourable point of ignorance
	Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks,
	Abusing better men than they can be,
	Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean
	The faith they have in tennis, and tall stockings,
	Short blister'd breeches, and those types of travel,
	And understand again like honest men;
	Or pack to their old playfellows: there, I take it,
	They may, 'cum privilegio,' wear away
	The lag end of their lewdness and be laugh'd at.

SANDS	'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
	Are grown so catching.

Chamberlain	What a loss our ladies
	Will have of these trim vanities!

LOVELL	Ay, marry,
	There will be woe indeed, lords: the sly whoresons
	Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies;
	A French song and a fiddle has no fellow.

SANDS	The devil fiddle 'em! I am glad they are going,
	For, sure, there's no converting of 'em: now
	An honest country lord, as I am, beaten
	A long time out of play, may bring his plainsong
	And have an hour of hearing; and, by'r lady,
	Held current music too.

Chamberlain	Well said, Lord Sands;
	Your colt's tooth is not cast yet.

SANDS	No, my lord;
	Nor shall not, while I have a stump.

Chamberlain	Sir Thomas,
	Whither were you a-going?

LOVELL	To the cardinal's:
	Your lordship is a guest too.

Chamberlain	O, 'tis true:
	This night he makes a supper, and a great one,
	To many lords and ladies; there will be
	The beauty of this kingdom, I'll assure you.

LOVELL	That churchman bears a bounteous mind indeed,
	A hand as fruitful as the land that feeds us;
	His dews fall every where.

Chamberlain	No doubt he's noble;
	He had a black mouth that said other of him.

SANDS	He may, my lord; has wherewithal: in him
	Sparing would show a worse sin than ill doctrine:
	Men of his way should be most liberal;
	They are set here for examples.

Chamberlain	True, they are so:
	But few now give so great ones. My barge stays;
	Your lordship shall along. Come, good Sir Thomas,
	We shall be late else; which I would not be,
	For I was spoke to, with Sir Henry Guildford
	This night to be comptrollers.

SANDS	I am your lordship's.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT I



SCENE IV	A Hall in York Place.


	[Hautboys. A small table under a state for CARDINAL
	WOLSEY, a longer table for the guests. Then enter
	ANNE and divers other Ladies and Gentlemen as
	guests, at one door; at another door, enter
	GUILDFORD]

GUILDFORD	Ladies, a general welcome from his grace
	Salutes ye all; this night he dedicates
	To fair content and you: none here, he hopes,
	In all this noble bevy, has brought with her
	One care abroad; he would have all as merry
	As, first, good company, good wine, good welcome,
	Can make good people. O, my lord, you're tardy:

	[Enter Chamberlain, SANDS, and LOVELL]

	The very thought of this fair company
	Clapp'd wings to me.

Chamberlain	You are young, Sir Harry Guildford.

SANDS	Sir Thomas Lovell, had the cardinal
	But half my lay thoughts in him, some of these
	Should find a running banquet ere they rested,
	I think would better please 'em: by my life,
	They are a sweet society of fair ones.

LOVELL	O, that your lordship were but now confessor
	To one or two of these!

SANDS	I would I were;
	They should find easy penance.

LOVELL	Faith, how easy?

SANDS	As easy as a down-bed would afford it.

Chamberlain	Sweet ladies, will it please you sit? Sir Harry,
	Place you that side; I'll take the charge of this:
	His grace is entering. Nay, you must not freeze;
	Two women placed together makes cold weather:
	My Lord Sands, you are one will keep 'em waking;
	Pray, sit between these ladies.

SANDS	By my faith,
	And thank your lordship. By your leave, sweet ladies:
	If I chance to talk a little wild, forgive me;
	I had it from my father.

ANNE	Was he mad, sir?

SANDS	O, very mad, exceeding mad, in love too:
	But he would bite none; just as I do now,
	He would kiss you twenty with a breath.

	[Kisses her]

Chamberlain	Well said, my lord.
	So, now you're fairly seated. Gentlemen,
	The penance lies on you, if these fair ladies
	Pass away frowning.

SANDS	For my little cure,
	Let me alone.

	[Hautboys. Enter CARDINAL WOLSEY, and takes his state]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	You're welcome, my fair guests: that noble lady,
	Or gentleman, that is not freely merry,
	Is not my friend: this, to confirm my welcome;
	And to you all, good health.

	[Drinks]

SANDS	Your grace is noble:
	Let me have such a bowl may hold my thanks,
	And save me so much talking.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	My Lord Sands,
	I am beholding to you: cheer your neighbours.
	Ladies, you are not merry: gentlemen,
	Whose fault is this?

SANDS	The red wine first must rise
	In their fair cheeks, my lord; then we shall have 'em
	Talk us to silence.

ANNE	You are a merry gamester,
	My Lord Sands.

SANDS	                  Yes, if I make my play.
	Here's to your ladyship: and pledge it, madam,
	For 'tis to such a thing,--

ANNE	You cannot show me.

SANDS	I told your grace they would talk anon.

	[Drum and trumpet, chambers discharged]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	What's that?

Chamberlain	Look out there, some of ye.

	[Exit Servant]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	What warlike voice,
	And to what end is this? Nay, ladies, fear not;
	By all the laws of war you're privileged.

	[Re-enter Servant]

Chamberlain	How now! what is't?

Servant	A noble troop of strangers;
	For so they seem: they've left their barge and landed;
	And hither make, as great ambassadors
	From foreign princes.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Good lord chamberlain,
	Go, give 'em welcome; you can speak the French tongue;
	And, pray, receive 'em nobly, and conduct 'em
	Into our presence, where this heaven of beauty
	Shall shine at full upon them. Some attend him.

	[Exit Chamberlain, attended. All rise, and tables removed]

	You have now a broken banquet; but we'll mend it.
	A good digestion to you all: and once more
	I shower a welcome on ye; welcome all.

	[Hautboys. Enter KING HENRY VIII and others, as
	masquers, habited like shepherds, ushered by the
	Chamberlain. They pass directly before CARDINAL
	WOLSEY, and gracefully salute him]

	A noble company! what are their pleasures?

Chamberlain	Because they speak no English, thus they pray'd
	To tell your grace, that, having heard by fame
	Of this so noble and so fair assembly
	This night to meet here, they could do no less
	Out of the great respect they bear to beauty,
	But leave their flocks; and, under your fair conduct,
	Crave leave to view these ladies and entreat
	An hour of revels with 'em.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Say, lord chamberlain,
	They have done my poor house grace; for which I pay 'em
	A thousand thanks, and pray 'em take their pleasures.

	[They choose Ladies for the dance. KING HENRY VIII
	chooses ANNE]

KING HENRY VIII	The fairest hand I ever touch'd! O beauty,
	Till now I never knew thee!

	[Music. Dance]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	My lord!

Chamberlain	Your grace?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Pray, tell 'em thus much from me:
	There should be one amongst 'em, by his person,
	More worthy this place than myself; to whom,
	If I but knew him, with my love and duty
	I would surrender it.

Chamberlain	I will, my lord.

	[Whispers the Masquers]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	What say they?

Chamberlain	                  Such a one, they all confess,
	There is indeed; which they would have your grace
	Find out, and he will take it.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Let me see, then.
	By all your good leaves, gentlemen; here I'll make
	My royal choice.

KING HENRY VIII	                  Ye have found him, cardinal:

	[Unmasking]

	You hold a fair assembly; you do well, lord:
	You are a churchman, or, I'll tell you, cardinal,
	I should judge now unhappily.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	I am glad
	Your grace is grown so pleasant.

KING HENRY VIII	My lord chamberlain,
	Prithee, come hither: what fair lady's that?

Chamberlain	An't please your grace, Sir Thomas Bullen's daughter--
	The Viscount Rochford,--one of her highness' women.

KING HENRY VIII	By heaven, she is a dainty one. Sweetheart,
	I were unmannerly, to take you out,
	And not to kiss you. A health, gentlemen!
	Let it go round.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Sir Thomas Lovell, is the banquet ready
	I' the privy chamber?

LOVELL	Yes, my lord.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Your grace,
	I fear, with dancing is a little heated.

KING HENRY VIII	I fear, too much.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	                  There's fresher air, my lord,
	In the next chamber.

KING HENRY VIII	Lead in your ladies, every one: sweet partner,
	I must not yet forsake you: let's be merry:
	Good my lord cardinal, I have half a dozen healths
	To drink to these fair ladies, and a measure
	To lead 'em once again; and then let's dream
	Who's best in favour. Let the music knock it.

	[Exeunt with trumpets]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT II



SCENE I	Westminster. A street.


	[Enter two Gentlemen, meeting]

First Gentleman	Whither away so fast?

Second Gentleman	O, God save ye!
	Even to the hall, to hear what shall become
	Of the great Duke of Buckingham.

First Gentleman	I'll save you
	That labour, sir. All's now done, but the ceremony
	Of bringing back the prisoner.

Second Gentleman	Were you there?

First Gentleman	Yes, indeed, was I.

Second Gentleman	Pray, speak what has happen'd.

First Gentleman	You may guess quickly what.

Second Gentleman	Is he found guilty?

First Gentleman	Yes, truly is he, and condemn'd upon't.

Second Gentleman	I am sorry for't.

First Gentleman	                  So are a number more.

Second Gentleman	But, pray, how pass'd it?

First Gentleman	I'll tell you in a little. The great duke
	Came to the bar; where to his accusations
	He pleaded still not guilty and alleged
	Many sharp reasons to defeat the law.
	The king's attorney on the contrary
	Urged on the examinations, proofs, confessions
	Of divers witnesses; which the duke desired
	To have brought viva voce to his face:
	At which appear'd against him his surveyor;
	Sir Gilbert Peck his chancellor; and John Car,
	Confessor to him; with that devil-monk,
	Hopkins, that made this mischief.

Second Gentleman	That was he
	That fed him with his prophecies?

First Gentleman	The same.
	All these accused him strongly; which he fain
	Would have flung from him, but, indeed, he could not:
	And so his peers, upon this evidence,
	Have found him guilty of high treason. Much
	He spoke, and learnedly, for life; but all
	Was either pitied in him or forgotten.

Second Gentleman	After all this, how did he bear himself?

First Gentleman	When he was brought again to the bar, to hear
	His knell rung out, his judgment, he was stirr'd
	With such an agony, he sweat extremely,
	And something spoke in choler, ill, and hasty:
	But he fell to himself again, and sweetly
	In all the rest show'd a most noble patience.

Second Gentleman	I do not think he fears death.

First Gentleman	Sure, he does not:
	He never was so womanish; the cause
	He may a little grieve at.

Second Gentleman	Certainly
	The cardinal is the end of this.

First Gentleman	'Tis likely,
	By all conjectures: first, Kildare's attainder,
	Then deputy of Ireland; who removed,
	Earl Surrey was sent thither, and in haste too,
	Lest he should help his father.

Second Gentleman	That trick of state
	Was a deep envious one.

First Gentleman	At his return
	No doubt he will requite it. This is noted,
	And generally, whoever the king favours,
	The cardinal instantly will find employment,
	And far enough from court too.

Second Gentleman	All the commons
	Hate him perniciously, and, o' my conscience,
	Wish him ten fathom deep: this duke as much
	They love and dote on; call him bounteous Buckingham,
	The mirror of all courtesy;--

First Gentleman	Stay there, sir,
	And see the noble ruin'd man you speak of.

	[Enter BUCKINGHAM from his arraignment; tip-staves
	before him; the axe with the edge towards him;
	halberds on each side: accompanied with LOVELL,
	VAUX, SANDS, and common people]

Second Gentleman	Let's stand close, and behold him.

BUCKINGHAM	All good people,
	You that thus far have come to pity me,
	Hear what I say, and then go home and lose me.
	I have this day received a traitor's judgment,
	And by that name must die: yet, heaven bear witness,
	And if I have a conscience, let it sink me,
	Even as the axe falls, if I be not faithful!
	The law I bear no malice for my death;
	'T has done, upon the premises, but justice:
	But those that sought it I could wish more Christians:
	Be what they will, I heartily forgive 'em:
	Yet let 'em look they glory not in mischief,
	Nor build their evils on the graves of great men;
	For then my guiltless blood must cry against 'em.
	For further life in this world I ne'er hope,
	Nor will I sue, although the king have mercies
	More than I dare make faults. You few that loved me,
	And dare be bold to weep for Buckingham,
	His noble friends and fellows, whom to leave
	Is only bitter to him, only dying,
	Go with me, like good angels, to my end;
	And, as the long divorce of steel falls on me,
	Make of your prayers one sweet sacrifice,
	And lift my soul to heaven. Lead on, o' God's name.

LOVELL	I do beseech your grace, for charity,
	If ever any malice in your heart
	Were hid against me, now to forgive me frankly.

BUCKINGHAM	Sir Thomas Lovell, I as free forgive you
	As I would be forgiven: I forgive all;
	There cannot be those numberless offences
	'Gainst me, that I cannot take peace with:
	no black envy
	Shall mark my grave. Commend me to his grace;
	And if he speak of Buckingham, pray, tell him
	You met him half in heaven: my vows and prayers
	Yet are the king's; and, till my soul forsake,
	Shall cry for blessings on him: may he live
	Longer than I have time to tell his years!
	Ever beloved and loving may his rule be!
	And when old time shall lead him to his end,
	Goodness and he fill up one monument!

LOVELL	To the water side I must conduct your grace;
	Then give my charge up to Sir Nicholas Vaux,
	Who undertakes you to your end.

VAUX	Prepare there,
	The duke is coming: see the barge be ready;
	And fit it with such furniture as suits
	The greatness of his person.

BUCKINGHAM	Nay, Sir Nicholas,
	Let it alone; my state now will but mock me.
	When I came hither, I was lord high constable
	And Duke of Buckingham; now, poor Edward Bohun:
	Yet I am richer than my base accusers,
	That never knew what truth meant: I now seal it;
	And with that blood will make 'em one day groan for't.
	My noble father, Henry of Buckingham,
	Who first raised head against usurping Richard,
	Flying for succor to his servant Banister,
	Being distress'd, was by that wretch betray'd,
	And without trial fell; God's peace be with him!
	Henry the Seventh succeeding, truly pitying
	My father's loss, like a most royal prince,
	Restored me to my honours, and, out of ruins,
	Made my name once more noble. Now his son,
	Henry the Eighth, life, honour, name and all
	That made me happy at one stroke has taken
	For ever from the world. I had my trial,
	And, must needs say, a noble one; which makes me,
	A little happier than my wretched father:
	Yet thus far we are one in fortunes: both
	Fell by our servants, by those men we loved most;
	A most unnatural and faithless service!
	Heaven has an end in all: yet, you that hear me,
	This from a dying man receive as certain:
	Where you are liberal of your loves and counsels
	Be sure you be not loose; for those you make friends
	And give your hearts to, when they once perceive
	The least rub in your fortunes, fall away
	Like water from ye, never found again
	But where they mean to sink ye. All good people,
	Pray for me! I must now forsake ye: the last hour
	Of my long weary life is come upon me. Farewell:
	And when you would say something that is sad,
	Speak how I fell. I have done; and God forgive me!

	[Exeunt BUCKINGHAM and Train]

First Gentleman	O, this is full of pity! Sir, it calls,
	I fear, too many curses on their beads
	That were the authors.

Second Gentleman	If the duke be guiltless,
	'Tis full of woe: yet I can give you inkling
	Of an ensuing evil, if it fall,
	Greater than this.

First Gentleman	                  Good angels keep it from us!
	What may it be? You do not doubt my faith, sir?

Second Gentleman	This secret is so weighty, 'twill require
	A strong faith to conceal it.

First Gentleman	Let me have it;
	I do not talk much.

Second Gentleman	I am confident,
	You shall, sir: did you not of late days hear
	A buzzing of a separation
	Between the king and Katharine?

First Gentleman	Yes, but it held not:
	For when the king once heard it, out of anger
	He sent command to the lord mayor straight
	To stop the rumor, and allay those tongues
	That durst disperse it.

Second Gentleman	But that slander, sir,
	Is found a truth now: for it grows again
	Fresher than e'er it was; and held for certain
	The king will venture at it. Either the cardinal,
	Or some about him near, have, out of malice
	To the good queen, possess'd him with a scruple
	That will undo her: to confirm this too,
	Cardinal Campeius is arrived, and lately;
	As all think, for this business.

First Gentleman	'Tis the cardinal;
	And merely to revenge him on the emperor
	For not bestowing on him, at his asking,
	The archbishopric of Toledo, this is purposed.

Second Gentleman	I think you have hit the mark: but is't not cruel
	That she should feel the smart of this? The cardinal
	Will have his will, and she must fall.

First Gentleman	'Tis woful.
	We are too open here to argue this;
	Let's think in private more.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT II



SCENE II	An ante-chamber in the palace.


	[Enter Chamberlain, reading a letter]

Chamberlain	'My lord, the horses your lordship sent for, with
	all the care I had, I saw well chosen, ridden, and
	furnished. They were young and handsome, and of the
	best breed in the north. When they were ready to
	set out for London, a man of my lord cardinal's, by
	commission and main power, took 'em from me; with
	this reason: His master would be served before a
	subject, if not before the king; which stopped our
	mouths, sir.'
	I fear he will indeed: well, let him have them:
	He will have all, I think.

	[Enter, to Chamberlain, NORFOLK and SUFFOLK]

NORFOLK	Well met, my lord chamberlain.

Chamberlain	Good day to both your graces.

SUFFOLK	How is the king employ'd?

Chamberlain	I left him private,
	Full of sad thoughts and troubles.

NORFOLK	What's the cause?

Chamberlain	It seems the marriage with his brother's wife
	Has crept too near his conscience.

SUFFOLK	No, his conscience
	Has crept too near another lady.

NORFOLK	'Tis so:
	This is the cardinal's doing, the king-cardinal:
	That blind priest, like the eldest son of fortune,
	Turns what he list. The king will know him one day.

SUFFOLK	Pray God he do! he'll never know himself else.

NORFOLK	How holily he works in all his business!
	And with what zeal! for, now he has crack'd the league
	Between us and the emperor, the queen's great nephew,
	He dives into the king's soul, and there scatters
	Dangers, doubts, wringing of the conscience,
	Fears, and despairs; and all these for his marriage:
	And out of all these to restore the king,
	He counsels a divorce; a loss of her
	That, like a jewel, has hung twenty years
	About his neck, yet never lost her lustre;
	Of her that loves him with that excellence
	That angels love good men with; even of her
	That, when the greatest stroke of fortune falls,
	Will bless the king: and is not this course pious?

Chamberlain	Heaven keep me from such counsel! 'Tis most true
	These news are every where; every tongue speaks 'em,
	And every true heart weeps for't: all that dare
	Look into these affairs see this main end,
	The French king's sister. Heaven will one day open
	The king's eyes, that so long have slept upon
	This bold bad man.

SUFFOLK	                  And free us from his slavery.

NORFOLK	We had need pray,
	And heartily, for our deliverance;
	Or this imperious man will work us all
	From princes into pages: all men's honours
	Lie like one lump before him, to be fashion'd
	Into what pitch he please.

SUFFOLK	For me, my lords,
	I love him not, nor fear him; there's my creed:
	As I am made without him, so I'll stand,
	If the king please; his curses and his blessings
	Touch me alike, they're breath I not believe in.
	I knew him, and I know him; so I leave him
	To him that made him proud, the pope.

NORFOLK	Let's in;
	And with some other business put the king
	From these sad thoughts, that work too much upon him:
	My lord, you'll bear us company?

Chamberlain	Excuse me;
	The king has sent me otherwhere: besides,
	You'll find a most unfit time to disturb him:
	Health to your lordships.

NORFOLK	Thanks, my good lord chamberlain.

	[Exit Chamberlain; and KING HENRY VIII draws the
	curtain, and sits reading pensively]

SUFFOLK	How sad he looks! sure, he is much afflicted.

KING HENRY VIII	Who's there, ha?

NORFOLK	                  Pray God he be not angry.

KING HENRY VIII	Who's there, I say? How dare you thrust yourselves
	Into my private meditations?
	Who am I? ha?

NORFOLK	A gracious king that pardons all offences
	Malice ne'er meant: our breach of duty this way
	Is business of estate; in which we come
	To know your royal pleasure.

KING HENRY VIII	Ye are too bold:
	Go to; I'll make ye know your times of business:
	Is this an hour for temporal affairs, ha?

	[Enter CARDINAL WOLSEY and CARDINAL CAMPEIUS, with
	a commission]

	Who's there? my good lord cardinal? O my Wolsey,
	The quiet of my wounded conscience;
	Thou art a cure fit for a king.

	[To CARDINAL CAMPEIUS]

		          You're welcome,
	Most learned reverend sir, into our kingdom:
	Use us and it.

	[To CARDINAL WOLSEY]

	My good lord, have great care
	I be not found a talker.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Sir, you cannot.
	I would your grace would give us but an hour
	Of private conference.

KING HENRY VIII	[To NORFOLK and SUFFOLK]
		 We are busy; go.

NORFOLK	[Aside to SUFFOLK]
	This priest has no pride in him?

SUFFOLK	[Aside to NORFOLK]             Not to speak of:
	I would not be so sick though for his place:
	But this cannot continue.

NORFOLK	[Aside to SUFFOLK]      If it do,
	I'll venture one have-at-him.

SUFFOLK	[Aside to NORFOLK]          I another.

	[Exeunt NORFOLK and SUFFOLK]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Your grace has given a precedent of wisdom
	Above all princes, in committing freely
	Your scruple to the voice of Christendom:
	Who can be angry now? what envy reach you?
	The Spaniard, tied blood and favour to her,
	Must now confess, if they have any goodness,
	The trial just and noble. All the clerks,
	I mean the learned ones, in Christian kingdoms
	Have their free voices: Rome, the nurse of judgment,
	Invited by your noble self, hath sent
	One general tongue unto us, this good man,
	This just and learned priest, Cardinal Campeius;
	Whom once more I present unto your highness.

KING HENRY VIII	And once more in mine arms I bid him welcome,
	And thank the holy conclave for their loves:
	They have sent me such a man I would have wish'd for.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Your grace must needs deserve all strangers' loves,
	You are so noble. To your highness' hand
	I tender my commission; by whose virtue,
	The court of Rome commanding, you, my lord
	Cardinal of York, are join'd with me their servant
	In the unpartial judging of this business.

KING HENRY VIII	Two equal men. The queen shall be acquainted
	Forthwith for what you come. Where's Gardiner?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	I know your majesty has always loved her
	So dear in heart, not to deny her that
	A woman of less place might ask by law:
	Scholars allow'd freely to argue for her.

KING HENRY VIII	Ay, and the best she shall have; and my favour
	To him that does best: God forbid else. Cardinal,
	Prithee, call Gardiner to me, my new secretary:
	I find him a fit fellow.

	[Exit CARDINAL WOLSEY]

	[Re-enter CARDINAL WOLSEY, with GARDINER]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	[Aside to GARDINER]  Give me your hand much joy and
	favour to you;
	You are the king's now.

GARDINER	[Aside to CARDINAL WOLSEY]
		  But to be commanded
	For ever by your grace, whose hand has raised me.

KING HENRY VIII	Come hither, Gardiner.

	[Walks and whispers]

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	My Lord of York, was not one Doctor Pace
	In this man's place before him?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Yes, he was.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Was he not held a learned man?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Yes, surely.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Believe me, there's an ill opinion spread then
	Even of yourself, lord cardinal.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	How! of me?

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	They will not stick to say you envied him,
	And fearing he would rise, he was so virtuous,
	Kept him a foreign man still; which so grieved him,
	That he ran mad and died.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Heaven's peace be with him!
	That's Christian care enough: for living murmurers
	There's places of rebuke. He was a fool;
	For he would needs be virtuous: that good fellow,
	If I command him, follows my appointment:
	I will have none so near else. Learn this, brother,
	We live not to be grip'd by meaner persons.

KING HENRY VIII	Deliver this with modesty to the queen.

	[Exit GARDINER]

	The most convenient place that I can think of
	For such receipt of learning is Black-Friars;
	There ye shall meet about this weighty business.
	My Wolsey, see it furnish'd. O, my lord,
	Would it not grieve an able man to leave
	So sweet a bedfellow? But, conscience, conscience!
	O, 'tis a tender place; and I must leave her.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT II



SCENE III	An ante-chamber of the QUEEN'S apartments.


	[Enter ANNE and an Old Lady]

ANNE	Not for that neither: here's the pang that pinches:
	His highness having lived so long with her, and she
	So good a lady that no tongue could ever
	Pronounce dishonour of her; by my life,
	She never knew harm-doing: O, now, after
	So many courses of the sun enthroned,
	Still growing in a majesty and pomp, the which
	To leave a thousand-fold more bitter than
	'Tis sweet at first to acquire,--after this process,
	To give her the avaunt! it is a pity
	Would move a monster.

Old Lady	Hearts of most hard temper
	Melt and lament for her.

ANNE	O, God's will! much better
	She ne'er had known pomp: though't be temporal,
	Yet, if that quarrel, fortune, do divorce
	It from the bearer, 'tis a sufferance panging
	As soul and body's severing.

Old Lady	Alas, poor lady!
	She's a stranger now again.

ANNE	So much the more
	Must pity drop upon her. Verily,
	I swear, 'tis better to be lowly born,
	And range with humble livers in content,
	Than to be perk'd up in a glistering grief,
	And wear a golden sorrow.

Old Lady	Our content
	Is our best having.

ANNE	By my troth and maidenhead,
	I would not be a queen.

Old Lady	Beshrew me, I would,
	And venture maidenhead for't; and so would you,
	For all this spice of your hypocrisy:
	You, that have so fair parts of woman on you,
	Have too a woman's heart; which ever yet
	Affected eminence, wealth, sovereignty;
	Which, to say sooth, are blessings; and which gifts,
	Saving your mincing, the capacity
	Of your soft cheveril conscience would receive,
	If you might please to stretch it.

ANNE	Nay, good troth.

Old Lady	Yes, troth, and troth; you would not be a queen?

ANNE	No, not for all the riches under heaven.

Old Lady:	'Tis strange: a three-pence bow'd would hire me,
	Old as I am, to queen it: but, I pray you,
	What think you of a duchess? have you limbs
	To bear that load of title?

ANNE	No, in truth.

Old Lady	Then you are weakly made: pluck off a little;
	I would not be a young count in your way,
	For more than blushing comes to: if your back
	Cannot vouchsafe this burthen,'tis too weak
	Ever to get a boy.

ANNE	                  How you do talk!
	I swear again, I would not be a queen
	For all the world.

Old Lady	                  In faith, for little England
	You'ld venture an emballing: I myself
	Would for Carnarvonshire, although there long'd
	No more to the crown but that. Lo, who comes here?

	[Enter Chamberlain]

Chamberlain	Good morrow, ladies. What were't worth to know
	The secret of your conference?

ANNE	My good lord,
	Not your demand; it values not your asking:
	Our mistress' sorrows we were pitying.

Chamberlain	It was a gentle business, and becoming
	The action of good women: there is hope
	All will be well.

ANNE	                  Now, I pray God, amen!

Chamberlain	You bear a gentle mind, and heavenly blessings
	Follow such creatures. That you may, fair lady,
	Perceive I speak sincerely, and high note's
	Ta'en of your many virtues, the king's majesty
	Commends his good opinion of you, and
	Does purpose honour to you no less flowing
	Than Marchioness of Pembroke: to which title
	A thousand pound a year, annual support,
	Out of his grace he adds.

ANNE	I do not know
	What kind of my obedience I should tender;
	More than my all is nothing: nor my prayers
	Are not words duly hallow'd, nor my wishes
	More worth than empty vanities; yet prayers and wishes
	Are all I can return. Beseech your lordship,
	Vouchsafe to speak my thanks and my obedience,
	As from a blushing handmaid, to his highness;
	Whose health and royalty I pray for.

Chamberlain	Lady,
	I shall not fail to approve the fair conceit
	The king hath of you.

	[Aside]

		I have perused her well;
	Beauty and honour in her are so mingled
	That they have caught the king: and who knows yet
	But from this lady may proceed a gem
	To lighten all this isle? I'll to the king,
	And say I spoke with you.

	[Exit Chamberlain]

ANNE	My honour'd lord.

Old Lady	Why, this it is; see, see!
	I have been begging sixteen years in court,
	Am yet a courtier beggarly, nor could
	Come pat betwixt too early and too late
	For any suit of pounds; and you, O fate!
	A very fresh-fish here--fie, fie, fie upon
	This compell'd fortune!--have your mouth fill'd up
	Before you open it.

ANNE	This is strange to me.

Old Lady	How tastes it? is it bitter? forty pence, no.
	There was a lady once, 'tis an old story,
	That would not be a queen, that would she not,
	For all the mud in Egypt: have you heard it?

ANNE	Come, you are pleasant.

Old Lady	With your theme, I could
	O'ermount the lark. The Marchioness of Pembroke!
	A thousand pounds a year for pure respect!
	No other obligation! By my life,
	That promises moe thousands: honour's train
	Is longer than his foreskirt. By this time
	I know your back will bear a duchess: say,
	Are you not stronger than you were?

ANNE	Good lady,
	Make yourself mirth with your particular fancy,
	And leave me out on't. Would I had no being,
	If this salute my blood a jot: it faints me,
	To think what follows.
	The queen is comfortless, and we forgetful
	In our long absence: pray, do not deliver
	What here you've heard to her.

Old Lady	What do you think me?

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT II



SCENE IV	A hall in Black-Friars.


	[Trumpets, sennet, and cornets. Enter two Vergers,
	with short silver wands; next them, two Scribes, in
	the habit of doctors; after them, CANTERBURY alone;
	after him, LINCOLN, Ely, Rochester, and Saint
	Asaph; next them, with some small distance, follows
	a Gentleman bearing the purse, with the great seal,
	and a cardinal's hat; then two Priests, bearing
	each a silver cross; then a Gentleman-usher
	bare-headed, accompanied with a Sergeant-at-arms
	bearing a silver mace; then two Gentlemen bearing
	two great silver pillars; after them, side by side,
	CARDINAL WOLSEY and CARDINAL CAMPEIUS; two Noblemen
	with the sword and mace. KING HENRY VIII takes
	place under the cloth of state; CARDINAL WOLSEY and
	CARDINAL CAMPEIUS sit under him as judges. QUEEN
	KATHARINE takes place some distance from KING
	HENRY VIII. The Bishops place themselves on each
	side the court, in manner of a consistory; below
	them, the Scribes. The Lords sit next the Bishops.
	The rest of the Attendants stand in convenient
	order about the stage]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Whilst our commission from Rome is read,
	Let silence be commanded.

KING HENRY VIII	What's the need?
	It hath already publicly been read,
	And on all sides the authority allow'd;
	You may, then, spare that time.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Be't so. Proceed.

Scribe	Say, Henry King of England, come into the court.

Crier	Henry King of England, &c.

KING HENRY VIII	Here.

Scribe	Say, Katharine Queen of England, come into the court.

Crier	Katharine Queen of England, &c.

	[QUEEN KATHARINE makes no answer, rises out of her
	chair, goes about the court, comes to KING HENRY
	VIII, and kneels at his feet; then speaks]

QUEEN KATHARINE	Sir, I desire you do me right and justice;
	And to bestow your pity on me: for
	I am a most poor woman, and a stranger,
	Born out of your dominions; having here
	No judge indifferent, nor no more assurance
	Of equal friendship and proceeding. Alas, sir,
	In what have I offended you? what cause
	Hath my behavior given to your displeasure,
	That thus you should proceed to put me off,
	And take your good grace from me? Heaven witness,
	I have been to you a true and humble wife,
	At all times to your will conformable;
	Ever in fear to kindle your dislike,
	Yea, subject to your countenance, glad or sorry
	As I saw it inclined: when was the hour
	I ever contradicted your desire,
	Or made it not mine too? Or which of your friends
	Have I not strove to love, although I knew
	He were mine enemy? what friend of mine
	That had to him derived your anger, did I
	Continue in my liking? nay, gave notice
	He was from thence discharged. Sir, call to mind
	That I have been your wife, in this obedience,
	Upward of twenty years, and have been blest
	With many children by you: if, in the course
	And process of this time, you can report,
	And prove it too, against mine honour aught,
	My bond to wedlock, or my love and duty,
	Against your sacred person, in God's name,
	Turn me away; and let the foul'st contempt
	Shut door upon me, and so give me up
	To the sharp'st kind of justice. Please you sir,
	The king, your father, was reputed for
	A prince most prudent, of an excellent
	And unmatch'd wit and judgment: Ferdinand,
	My father, king of Spain, was reckon'd one
	The wisest prince that there had reign'd by many
	A year before: it is not to be question'd
	That they had gather'd a wise council to them
	Of every realm, that did debate this business,
	Who deem'd our marriage lawful: wherefore I humbly
	Beseech you, sir, to spare me, till I may
	Be by my friends in Spain advised; whose counsel
	I will implore: if not, i' the name of God,
	Your pleasure be fulfill'd!

CARDINAL WOLSEY	You have here, lady,
	And of your choice, these reverend fathers; men
	Of singular integrity and learning,
	Yea, the elect o' the land, who are assembled
	To plead your cause: it shall be therefore bootless
	That longer you desire the court; as well
	For your own quiet, as to rectify
	What is unsettled in the king.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	His grace
	Hath spoken well and justly: therefore, madam,
	It's fit this royal session do proceed;
	And that, without delay, their arguments
	Be now produced and heard.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Lord cardinal,
	To you I speak.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	                  Your pleasure, madam?

QUEEN KATHARINE	Sir,
	I am about to weep; but, thinking that
	We are a queen, or long have dream'd so, certain
	The daughter of a king, my drops of tears
	I'll turn to sparks of fire.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Be patient yet.

QUEEN KATHARINE	I will, when you are humble; nay, before,
	Or God will punish me. I do believe,
	Induced by potent circumstances, that
	You are mine enemy, and make my challenge
	You shall not be my judge: for it is you
	Have blown this coal betwixt my lord and me;
	Which God's dew quench! Therefore I say again,
	I utterly abhor, yea, from my soul
	Refuse you for my judge; whom, yet once more,
	I hold my most malicious foe, and think not
	At all a friend to truth.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	I do profess
	You speak not like yourself; who ever yet
	Have stood to charity, and display'd the effects
	Of disposition gentle, and of wisdom
	O'ertopping woman's power. Madam, you do me wrong:
	I have no spleen against you; nor injustice
	For you or any: how far I have proceeded,
	Or how far further shall, is warranted
	By a commission from the consistory,
	Yea, the whole consistory of Rome. You charge me
	That I have blown this coal: I do deny it:
	The king is present: if it be known to him
	That I gainsay my deed, how may he wound,
	And worthily, my falsehood! yea, as much
	As you have done my truth. If he know
	That I am free of your report, he knows
	I am not of your wrong. Therefore in him
	It lies to cure me: and the cure is, to
	Remove these thoughts from you: the which before
	His highness shall speak in, I do beseech
	You, gracious madam, to unthink your speaking
	And to say so no more.

QUEEN KATHARINE	My lord, my lord,
	I am a simple woman, much too weak
	To oppose your cunning. You're meek and
	humble-mouth'd;
	You sign your place and calling, in full seeming,
	With meekness and humility; but your heart
	Is cramm'd with arrogancy, spleen, and pride.
	You have, by fortune and his highness' favours,
	Gone slightly o'er low steps and now are mounted
	Where powers are your retainers, and your words,
	Domestics to you, serve your will as't please
	Yourself pronounce their office. I must tell you,
	You tender more your person's honour than
	Your high profession spiritual: that again
	I do refuse you for my judge; and here,
	Before you all, appeal unto the pope,
	To bring my whole cause 'fore his holiness,
	And to be judged by him.

	[She curtsies to KING HENRY VIII, and offers to depart]

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	The queen is obstinate,
	Stubborn to justice, apt to accuse it, and
	Disdainful to be tried by't: 'tis not well.
	She's going away.

KING HENRY VIII	Call her again.

Crier	Katharine Queen of England, come into the court.

GRIFFITH	Madam, you are call'd back.

QUEEN KATHARINE	What need you note it? pray you, keep your way:
	When you are call'd, return. Now, the Lord help,
	They vex me past my patience! Pray you, pass on:
	I will not tarry; no, nor ever more
	Upon this business my appearance make
	In any of their courts.

	[Exeunt QUEEN KATHARINE and her Attendants]

KING HENRY VIII	Go thy ways, Kate:
	That man i' the world who shall report he has
	A better wife, let him in nought be trusted,
	For speaking false in that: thou art, alone,
	If thy rare qualities, sweet gentleness,
	Thy meekness saint-like, wife-like government,
	Obeying in commanding, and thy parts
	Sovereign and pious else, could speak thee out,
	The queen of earthly queens: she's noble born;
	And, like her true nobility, she has
	Carried herself towards me.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Most gracious sir,
	In humblest manner I require your highness,
	That it shall please you to declare, in hearing
	Of all these ears,--for where I am robb'd and bound,
	There must I be unloosed, although not there
	At once and fully satisfied,--whether ever I
	Did broach this business to your highness; or
	Laid any scruple in your way, which might
	Induce you to the question on't? or ever
	Have to you, but with thanks to God for such
	A royal lady, spake one the least word that might
	Be to the prejudice of her present state,
	Or touch of her good person?

KING HENRY VIII	My lord cardinal,
	I do excuse you; yea, upon mine honour,
	I free you from't. You are not to be taught
	That you have many enemies, that know not
	Why they are so, but, like to village-curs,
	Bark when their fellows do: by some of these
	The queen is put in anger. You're excused:
	But will you be more justified? You ever
	Have wish'd the sleeping of this business; never desired
	It to be stirr'd; but oft have hinder'd, oft,
	The passages made toward it: on my honour,
	I speak my good lord cardinal to this point,
	And thus far clear him. Now, what moved me to't,
	I will be bold with time and your attention:
	Then mark the inducement. Thus it came; give heed to't:
	My conscience first received a tenderness,
	Scruple, and prick, on certain speeches utter'd
	By the Bishop of Bayonne, then French ambassador;
	Who had been hither sent on the debating
	A marriage 'twixt the Duke of Orleans and
	Our daughter Mary: i' the progress of this business,
	Ere a determinate resolution, he,
	I mean the bishop, did require a respite;
	Wherein he might the king his lord advertise
	Whether our daughter were legitimate,
	Respecting this our marriage with the dowager,
	Sometimes our brother's wife. This respite shook
	The bosom of my conscience, enter'd me,
	Yea, with a splitting power, and made to tremble
	The region of my breast; which forced such way,
	That many mazed considerings did throng
	And press'd in with this caution. First, methought
	I stood not in the smile of heaven; who had
	Commanded nature, that my lady's womb,
	If it conceived a male child by me, should
	Do no more offices of life to't than
	The grave does to the dead; for her male issue
	Or died where they were made, or shortly after
	This world had air'd them: hence I took a thought,
	This was a judgment on me; that my kingdom,
	Well worthy the best heir o' the world, should not
	Be gladded in't by me: then follows, that
	I weigh'd the danger which my realms stood in
	By this my issue's fail; and that gave to me
	Many a groaning throe. Thus hulling in
	The wild sea of my conscience, I did steer
	Toward this remedy, whereupon we are
	Now present here together: that's to say,
	I meant to rectify my conscience,--which
	I then did feel full sick, and yet not well,--
	By all the reverend fathers of the land
	And doctors learn'd: first I began in private
	With you, my Lord of Lincoln; you remember
	How under my oppression I did reek,
	When I first moved you.

LINCOLN	Very well, my liege.

KING HENRY VIII	I have spoke long: be pleased yourself to say
	How far you satisfied me.

LINCOLN	So please your highness,
	The question did at first so stagger me,
	Bearing a state of mighty moment in't
	And consequence of dread, that I committed
	The daring'st counsel which I had to doubt;
	And did entreat your highness to this course
	Which you are running here.

KING HENRY VIII	I then moved you,
	My Lord of Canterbury; and got your leave
	To make this present summons: unsolicited
	I left no reverend person in this court;
	But by particular consent proceeded
	Under your hands and seals: therefore, go on:
	For no dislike i' the world against the person
	Of the good queen, but the sharp thorny points
	Of my alleged reasons, drive this forward:
	Prove but our marriage lawful, by my life
	And kingly dignity, we are contented
	To wear our mortal state to come with her,
	Katharine our queen, before the primest creature
	That's paragon'd o' the world.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	So please your highness,
	The queen being absent, 'tis a needful fitness
	That we adjourn this court till further day:
	Meanwhile must be an earnest motion
	Made to the queen, to call back her appeal
	She intends unto his holiness.

KING HENRY VIII	[Aside]	I may perceive
	These cardinals trifle with me: I abhor
	This dilatory sloth and tricks of Rome.
	My learn'd and well-beloved servant, Cranmer,
	Prithee, return: with thy approach, I know,
	My comfort comes along. Break up the court:
	I say, set on.

	[Exeunt in manner as they entered]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT III



SCENE I	London. QUEEN KATHARINE's apartments.


	[Enter QUEEN KATHARINE and her Women, as at work]

QUEEN KATHARINE	Take thy lute, wench: my soul grows sad with troubles;
	Sing, and disperse 'em, if thou canst: leave working.
	[SONG]

	Orpheus with his lute made trees,
	And the mountain tops that freeze,
	Bow themselves when he did sing:
	To his music plants and flowers
	Ever sprung; as sun and showers
	There had made a lasting spring.

	Every thing that heard him play,
	Even the billows of the sea,
	Hung their heads, and then lay by.
	In sweet music is such art,
	Killing care and grief of heart
	Fall asleep, or hearing, die.

	[Enter a Gentleman]

QUEEN KATHARINE	How now!

Gentleman	An't please your grace, the two great cardinals
	Wait in the presence.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Would they speak with me?

Gentleman	They will'd me say so, madam.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Pray their graces
	To come near.

	[Exit Gentleman]

	What can be their business
	With me, a poor weak woman, fall'n from favour?
	I do not like their coming. Now I think on't,
	They should be good men; their affairs as righteous:
	But all hoods make not monks.

	[Enter CARDINAL WOLSEY and CARDINAL CAMPEIUS]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Peace to your highness!

QUEEN KATHARINE	Your graces find me here part of a housewife,
	I would be all, against the worst may happen.
	What are your pleasures with me, reverend lords?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	May it please you noble madam, to withdraw
	Into your private chamber, we shall give you
	The full cause of our coming.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Speak it here:
	There's nothing I have done yet, o' my conscience,
	Deserves a corner: would all other women
	Could speak this with as free a soul as I do!
	My lords, I care not, so much I am happy
	Above a number, if my actions
	Were tried by every tongue, every eye saw 'em,
	Envy and base opinion set against 'em,
	I know my life so even. If your business
	Seek me out, and that way I am wife in,
	Out with it boldly: truth loves open dealing.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Tanta est erga te mentis integritas, regina
	serenissima,--

QUEEN KATHARINE	O, good my lord, no Latin;
	I am not such a truant since my coming,
	As not to know the language I have lived in:
	A strange tongue makes my cause more strange,
	suspicious;
	Pray, speak in English: here are some will thank you,
	If you speak truth, for their poor mistress' sake;
	Believe me, she has had much wrong: lord cardinal,
	The willing'st sin I ever yet committed
	May be absolved in English.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Noble lady,
	I am sorry my integrity should breed,
	And service to his majesty and you,
	So deep suspicion, where all faith was meant.
	We come not by the way of accusation,
	To taint that honour every good tongue blesses,
	Nor to betray you any way to sorrow,
	You have too much, good lady; but to know
	How you stand minded in the weighty difference
	Between the king and you; and to deliver,
	Like free and honest men, our just opinions
	And comforts to your cause.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Most honour'd madam,
	My Lord of York, out of his noble nature,
	Zeal and obedience he still bore your grace,
	Forgetting, like a good man your late censure
	Both of his truth and him, which was too far,
	Offers, as I do, in a sign of peace,
	His service and his counsel.

QUEEN KATHARINE	[Aside]	To betray me.--
	My lords, I thank you both for your good wills;
	Ye speak like honest men; pray God, ye prove so!
	But how to make ye suddenly an answer,
	In such a point of weight, so near mine honour,--
	More near my life, I fear,--with my weak wit,
	And to such men of gravity and learning,
	In truth, I know not. I was set at work
	Among my maids: full little, God knows, looking
	Either for such men or such business.
	For her sake that I have been,--for I feel
	The last fit of my greatness,--good your graces,
	Let me have time and counsel for my cause:
	Alas, I am a woman, friendless, hopeless!

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Madam, you wrong the king's love with these fears:
	Your hopes and friends are infinite.

QUEEN KATHARINE	In England
	But little for my profit: can you think, lords,
	That any Englishman dare give me counsel?
	Or be a known friend, 'gainst his highness' pleasure,
	Though he be grown so desperate to be honest,
	And live a subject? Nay, forsooth, my friends,
	They that must weigh out my afflictions,
	They that my trust must grow to, live not here:
	They are, as all my other comforts, far hence
	In mine own country, lords.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	I would your grace
	Would leave your griefs, and take my counsel.

QUEEN KATHARINE	How, sir?

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Put your main cause into the king's protection;
	He's loving and most gracious: 'twill be much
	Both for your honour better and your cause;
	For if the trial of the law o'ertake ye,
	You'll part away disgraced.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	He tells you rightly.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Ye tell me what ye wish for both,--my ruin:
	Is this your Christian counsel? out upon ye!
	Heaven is above all yet; there sits a judge
	That no king can corrupt.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Your rage mistakes us.

QUEEN KATHARINE	The more shame for ye: holy men I thought ye,
	Upon my soul, two reverend cardinal virtues;
	But cardinal sins and hollow hearts I fear ye:
	Mend 'em, for shame, my lords. Is this your comfort?
	The cordial that ye bring a wretched lady,
	A woman lost among ye, laugh'd at, scorn'd?
	I will not wish ye half my miseries;
	I have more charity: but say, I warn'd ye;
	Take heed, for heaven's sake, take heed, lest at once
	The burthen of my sorrows fall upon ye.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Madam, this is a mere distraction;
	You turn the good we offer into envy.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Ye turn me into nothing: woe upon ye
	And all such false professors! would you have me--
	If you have any justice, any pity;
	If ye be any thing but churchmen's habits--
	Put my sick cause into his hands that hates me?
	Alas, has banish'd me his bed already,
	His love, too long ago! I am old, my lords,
	And all the fellowship I hold now with him
	Is only my obedience. What can happen
	To me above this wretchedness? all your studies
	Make me a curse like this.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Your fears are worse.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Have I lived thus long--let me speak myself,
	Since virtue finds no friends--a wife, a true one?
	A woman, I dare say without vain-glory,
	Never yet branded with suspicion?
	Have I with all my full affections
	Still met the king? loved him next heaven?
	obey'd him?
	Been, out of fondness, superstitious to him?
	Almost forgot my prayers to content him?
	And am I thus rewarded? 'tis not well, lords.
	Bring me a constant woman to her husband,
	One that ne'er dream'd a joy beyond his pleasure;
	And to that woman, when she has done most,
	Yet will I add an honour, a great patience.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Madam, you wander from the good we aim at.

QUEEN KATHARINE	My lord, I dare not make myself so guilty,
	To give up willingly that noble title
	Your master wed me to: nothing but death
	Shall e'er divorce my dignities.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Pray, hear me.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Would I had never trod this English earth,
	Or felt the flatteries that grow upon it!
	Ye have angels' faces, but heaven knows your hearts.
	What will become of me now, wretched lady!
	I am the most unhappy woman living.
	Alas, poor wenches, where are now your fortunes!
	Shipwreck'd upon a kingdom, where no pity,
	No friend, no hope; no kindred weep for me;
	Almost no grave allow'd me: like the lily,
	That once was mistress of the field and flourish'd,
	I'll hang my head and perish.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	If your grace
	Could but be brought to know our ends are honest,
	You'ld feel more comfort: why should we, good lady,
	Upon what cause, wrong you? alas, our places,
	The way of our profession is against it:
	We are to cure such sorrows, not to sow 'em.
	For goodness' sake, consider what you do;
	How you may hurt yourself, ay, utterly
	Grow from the king's acquaintance, by this carriage.
	The hearts of princes kiss obedience,
	So much they love it; but to stubborn spirits
	They swell, and grow as terrible as storms.
	I know you have a gentle, noble temper,
	A soul as even as a calm: pray, think us
	Those we profess, peace-makers, friends, and servants.

CARDINAL CAMPEIUS	Madam, you'll find it so. You wrong your virtues
	With these weak women's fears: a noble spirit,
	As yours was put into you, ever casts
	Such doubts, as false coin, from it. The king loves you;
	Beware you lose it not: for us, if you please
	To trust us in your business, we are ready
	To use our utmost studies in your service.

QUEEN KATHARINE	Do what ye will, my lords: and, pray, forgive me,
	If I have used myself unmannerly;
	You know I am a woman, lacking wit
	To make a seemly answer to such persons.
	Pray, do my service to his majesty:
	He has my heart yet; and shall have my prayers
	While I shall have my life. Come, reverend fathers,
	Bestow your counsels on me: she now begs,
	That little thought, when she set footing here,
	She should have bought her dignities so dear.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT III



SCENE II	Ante-chamber to KING HENRY VIII's apartment.


	[Enter NORFOLK, SUFFOLK, SURREY, and Chamberlain]

NORFOLK	If you will now unite in your complaints,
	And force them with a constancy, the cardinal
	Cannot stand under them: if you omit
	The offer of this time, I cannot promise
	But that you shall sustain moe new disgraces,
	With these you bear already.

SURREY	I am joyful
	To meet the least occasion that may give me
	Remembrance of my father-in-law, the duke,
	To be revenged on him.

SUFFOLK	Which of the peers
	Have uncontemn'd gone by him, or at least
	Strangely neglected? when did he regard
	The stamp of nobleness in any person
	Out of himself?

Chamberlain	                  My lords, you speak your pleasures:
	What he deserves of you and me I know;
	What we can do to him, though now the time
	Gives way to us, I much fear. If you cannot
	Bar his access to the king, never attempt
	Any thing on him; for he hath a witchcraft
	Over the king in's tongue.

NORFOLK	O, fear him not;
	His spell in that is out: the king hath found
	Matter against him that for ever mars
	The honey of his language. No, he's settled,
	Not to come off, in his displeasure.

SURREY	Sir,
	I should be glad to hear such news as this
	Once every hour.

NORFOLK	                  Believe it, this is true:
	In the divorce his contrary proceedings
	Are all unfolded wherein he appears
	As I would wish mine enemy.

SURREY	How came
	His practises to light?

SUFFOLK	Most strangely.

SURREY	O, how, how?

SUFFOLK	The cardinal's letters to the pope miscarried,
	And came to the eye o' the king: wherein was read,
	How that the cardinal did entreat his holiness
	To stay the judgment o' the divorce; for if
	It did take place, 'I do,' quoth he, 'perceive
	My king is tangled in affection to
	A creature of the queen's, Lady Anne Bullen.'

SURREY	Has the king this?

SUFFOLK	                  Believe it.

SURREY	Will this work?

Chamberlain	The king in this perceives him, how he coasts
	And hedges his own way. But in this point
	All his tricks founder, and he brings his physic
	After his patient's death: the king already
	Hath married the fair lady.

SURREY	Would he had!

SUFFOLK	May you be happy in your wish, my lord
	For, I profess, you have it.

SURREY	Now, all my joy
	Trace the conjunction!

SUFFOLK	My amen to't!

NORFOLK	All men's!

SUFFOLK	There's order given for her coronation:
	Marry, this is yet but young, and may be left
	To some ears unrecounted. But, my lords,
	She is a gallant creature, and complete
	In mind and feature: I persuade me, from her
	Will fall some blessing to this land, which shall
	In it be memorised.

SURREY	But, will the king
	Digest this letter of the cardinal's?
	The Lord forbid!

NORFOLK	                  Marry, amen!

SUFFOLK	No, no;
	There be moe wasps that buzz about his nose
	Will make this sting the sooner. Cardinal Campeius
	Is stol'n away to Rome; hath ta'en no leave;
	Has left the cause o' the king unhandled; and
	Is posted, as the agent of our cardinal,
	To second all his plot. I do assure you
	The king cried Ha! at this.

Chamberlain	Now, God incense him,
	And let him cry Ha! louder!

NORFOLK	But, my lord,
	When returns Cranmer?

SUFFOLK	He is return'd in his opinions; which
	Have satisfied the king for his divorce,
	Together with all famous colleges
	Almost in Christendom: shortly, I believe,
	His second marriage shall be publish'd, and
	Her coronation. Katharine no more
	Shall be call'd queen, but princess dowager
	And widow to Prince Arthur.

NORFOLK	This same Cranmer's
	A worthy fellow, and hath ta'en much pain
	In the king's business.

SUFFOLK	He has; and we shall see him
	For it an archbishop.

NORFOLK	So I hear.

SUFFOLK	'Tis so.
	The cardinal!

	[Enter CARDINAL WOLSEY and CROMWELL]

NORFOLK	                  Observe, observe, he's moody.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	The packet, Cromwell.
	Gave't you the king?

CROMWELL	To his own hand, in's bedchamber.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Look'd he o' the inside of the paper?

CROMWELL	Presently
	He did unseal them: and the first he view'd,
	He did it with a serious mind; a heed
	Was in his countenance. You he bade
	Attend him here this morning.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Is he ready
	To come abroad?

CROMWELL	                  I think, by this he is.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Leave me awhile.

	[Exit CROMWELL]

	[Aside]

	It shall be to the Duchess of Alencon,
	The French king's sister: he shall marry her.
	Anne Bullen! No; I'll no Anne Bullens for him:
	There's more in't than fair visage. Bullen!
	No, we'll no Bullens. Speedily I wish
	To hear from Rome. The Marchioness of Pembroke!

NORFOLK	He's discontented.

SUFFOLK	                  May be, he hears the king
	Does whet his anger to him.

SURREY	Sharp enough,
	Lord, for thy justice!

CARDINAL WOLSEY	[Aside]  The late queen's gentlewoman,
	a knight's daughter,
	To be her mistress' mistress! the queen's queen!
	This candle burns not clear: 'tis I must snuff it;
	Then out it goes. What though I know her virtuous
	And well deserving? yet I know her for
	A spleeny Lutheran; and not wholesome to
	Our cause, that she should lie i' the bosom of
	Our hard-ruled king. Again, there is sprung up
	An heretic, an arch one, Cranmer; one
	Hath crawl'd into the favour of the king,
	And is his oracle.

NORFOLK	                  He is vex'd at something.

SURREY	I would 'twere something that would fret the string,
	The master-cord on's heart!

	[Enter KING HENRY VIII, reading of a schedule, and LOVELL]

SUFFOLK	The king, the king!

KING HENRY VIII	What piles of wealth hath he accumulated
	To his own portion! and what expense by the hour
	Seems to flow from him! How, i' the name of thrift,
	Does he rake this together! Now, my lords,
	Saw you the cardinal?

NORFOLK	My lord, we have
	Stood here observing him: some strange commotion
	Is in his brain: he bites his lip, and starts;
	Stops on a sudden, looks upon the ground,
	Then lays his finger on his temple, straight
	Springs out into fast gait; then stops again,
	Strikes his breast hard, and anon he casts
	His eye against the moon: in most strange postures
	We have seen him set himself.

KING HENRY VIII	It may well be;
	There is a mutiny in's mind. This morning
	Papers of state he sent me to peruse,
	As I required: and wot you what I found
	There,--on my conscience, put unwittingly?
	Forsooth, an inventory, thus importing;
	The several parcels of his plate, his treasure,
	Rich stuffs, and ornaments of household; which
	I find at such proud rate, that it out-speaks
	Possession of a subject.

NORFOLK	It's heaven's will:
	Some spirit put this paper in the packet,
	To bless your eye withal.

KING HENRY VIII	If we did think
	His contemplation were above the earth,
	And fix'd on spiritual object, he should still
	Dwell in his musings: but I am afraid
	His thinkings are below the moon, not worth
	His serious considering.

	[King HENRY VIII takes his seat; whispers LOVELL,
	who goes to CARDINAL WOLSEY]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Heaven forgive me!
	Ever God bless your highness!

KING HENRY VIII	Good my lord,
	You are full of heavenly stuff, and bear the inventory
	Of your best graces in your mind; the which
	You were now running o'er: you have scarce time
	To steal from spiritual leisure a brief span
	To keep your earthly audit: sure, in that
	I deem you an ill husband, and am glad
	To have you therein my companion.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Sir,
	For holy offices I have a time; a time
	To think upon the part of business which
	I bear i' the state; and nature does require
	Her times of preservation, which perforce
	I, her frail son, amongst my brethren mortal,
	Must give my tendence to.

KING HENRY VIII	You have said well.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	And ever may your highness yoke together,
	As I will lend you cause, my doing well
	With my well saying!

KING HENRY VIII	'Tis well said again;
	And 'tis a kind of good deed to say well:
	And yet words are no deeds. My father loved you:
	His said he did; and with his deed did crown
	His word upon you. Since I had my office,
	I have kept you next my heart; have not alone
	Employ'd you where high profits might come home,
	But pared my present havings, to bestow
	My bounties upon you.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	[Aside]             What should this mean?

SURREY	[Aside]  The Lord increase this business!

KING HENRY VIII	Have I not made you,
	The prime man of the state? I pray you, tell me,
	If what I now pronounce you have found true:
	And, if you may confess it, say withal,
	If you are bound to us or no. What say you?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	My sovereign, I confess your royal graces,
	Shower'd on me daily, have been more than could
	My studied purposes requite; which went
	Beyond all man's endeavours: my endeavours
	Have ever come too short of my desires,
	Yet filed with my abilities: mine own ends
	Have been mine so that evermore they pointed
	To the good of your most sacred person and
	The profit of the state. For your great graces
	Heap'd upon me, poor undeserver, I
	Can nothing render but allegiant thanks,
	My prayers to heaven for you, my loyalty,
	Which ever has and ever shall be growing,
	Till death, that winter, kill it.

KING HENRY VIII	Fairly answer'd;
	A loyal and obedient subject is
	Therein illustrated: the honour of it
	Does pay the act of it; as, i' the contrary,
	The foulness is the punishment. I presume
	That, as my hand has open'd bounty to you,
	My heart dropp'd love, my power rain'd honour, more
	On you than any; so your hand and heart,
	Your brain, and every function of your power,
	Should, notwithstanding that your bond of duty,
	As 'twere in love's particular, be more
	To me, your friend, than any.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	I do profess
	That for your highness' good I ever labour'd
	More than mine own; that am, have, and will be--
	Though all the world should crack their duty to you,
	And throw it from their soul; though perils did
	Abound, as thick as thought could make 'em, and
	Appear in forms more horrid,--yet my duty,
	As doth a rock against the chiding flood,
	Should the approach of this wild river break,
	And stand unshaken yours.

KING HENRY VIII	'Tis nobly spoken:
	Take notice, lords, he has a loyal breast,
	For you have seen him open't. Read o'er this;

	[Giving him papers]

	And after, this: and then to breakfast with
	What appetite you have.

	[Exit KING HENRY VIII, frowning upon CARDINAL WOLSEY:
	the Nobles throng after him, smiling and whispering]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	What should this mean?
	What sudden anger's this? how have I reap'd it?
	He parted frowning from me, as if ruin
	Leap'd from his eyes: so looks the chafed lion
	Upon the daring huntsman that has gall'd him;
	Then makes him nothing. I must read this paper;
	I fear, the story of his anger. 'Tis so;
	This paper has undone me: 'tis the account
	Of all that world of wealth I have drawn together
	For mine own ends; indeed, to gain the popedom,
	And fee my friends in Rome. O negligence!
	Fit for a fool to fall by: what cross devil
	Made me put this main secret in the packet
	I sent the king? Is there no way to cure this?
	No new device to beat this from his brains?
	I know 'twill stir him strongly; yet I know
	A way, if it take right, in spite of fortune
	Will bring me off again. What's this? 'To the Pope!'
	The letter, as I live, with all the business
	I writ to's holiness. Nay then, farewell!
	I have touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
	And, from that full meridian of my glory,
	I haste now to my setting: I shall fall
	Like a bright exhalation m the evening,
	And no man see me more.

	[Re-enter to CARDINAL WOLSEY, NORFOLK and SUFFOLK, SURREY,
	and the Chamberlain]

NORFOLK	Hear the king's pleasure, cardinal: who commands you
	To render up the great seal presently
	Into our hands; and to confine yourself
	To Asher House, my Lord of Winchester's,
	Till you hear further from his highness.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Stay:
	Where's your commission, lords? words cannot carry
	Authority so weighty.

SUFFOLK	Who dare cross 'em,
	Bearing the king's will from his mouth expressly?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Till I find more than will or words to do it,
	I mean your malice, know, officious lords,
	I dare and must deny it. Now I feel
	Of what coarse metal ye are moulded, envy:
	How eagerly ye follow my disgraces,
	As if it fed ye! and how sleek and wanton
	Ye appear in every thing may bring my ruin!
	Follow your envious courses, men of malice;
	You have Christian warrant for 'em, and, no doubt,
	In time will find their fit rewards. That seal,
	You ask with such a violence, the king,
	Mine and your master, with his own hand gave me;
	Bade me enjoy it, with the place and honours,
	During my life; and, to confirm his goodness,
	Tied it by letters-patents: now, who'll take it?

SURREY	The king, that gave it.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	It must be himself, then.

SURREY	Thou art a proud traitor, priest.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Proud lord, thou liest:
	Within these forty hours Surrey durst better
	Have burnt that tongue than said so.

SURREY	Thy ambition,
	Thou scarlet sin, robb'd this bewailing land
	Of noble Buckingham, my father-in-law:
	The heads of all thy brother cardinals,
	With thee and all thy best parts bound together,
	Weigh'd not a hair of his. Plague of your policy!
	You sent me deputy for Ireland;
	Far from his succor, from the king, from all
	That might have mercy on the fault thou gavest him;
	Whilst your great goodness, out of holy pity,
	Absolved him with an axe.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	This, and all else
	This talking lord can lay upon my credit,
	I answer is most false. The duke by law
	Found his deserts: how innocent I was
	From any private malice in his end,
	His noble jury and foul cause can witness.
	If I loved many words, lord, I should tell you
	You have as little honesty as honour,
	That in the way of loyalty and truth
	Toward the king, my ever royal master,
	Dare mate a sounder man than Surrey can be,
	And all that love his follies.

SURREY	By my soul,
	Your long coat, priest, protects you; thou
	shouldst feel
	My sword i' the life-blood of thee else. My lords,
	Can ye endure to hear this arrogance?
	And from this fellow? if we live thus tamely,
	To be thus jaded by a piece of scarlet,
	Farewell nobility; let his grace go forward,
	And dare us with his cap like larks.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	All goodness
	Is poison to thy stomach.

SURREY	Yes, that goodness
	Of gleaning all the land's wealth into one,
	Into your own hands, cardinal, by extortion;
	The goodness of your intercepted packets
	You writ to the pope against the king: your goodness,
	Since you provoke me, shall be most notorious.
	My Lord of Norfolk, as you are truly noble,
	As you respect the common good, the state
	Of our despised nobility, our issues,
	Who, if he live, will scarce be gentlemen,
	Produce the grand sum of his sins, the articles
	Collected from his life. I'll startle you
	Worse than the scaring bell, when the brown wench
	Lay kissing in your arms, lord cardinal.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	How much, methinks, I could despise this man,
	But that I am bound in charity against it!

NORFOLK	Those articles, my lord, are in the king's hand:
	But, thus much, they are foul ones.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	So much fairer
	And spotless shall mine innocence arise,
	When the king knows my truth.

SURREY	This cannot save you:
	I thank my memory, I yet remember
	Some of these articles; and out they shall.
	Now, if you can blush and cry 'guilty,' cardinal,
	You'll show a little honesty.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Speak on, sir;
	I dare your worst objections: if I blush,
	It is to see a nobleman want manners.

SURREY	I had rather want those than my head. Have at you!
	First, that, without the king's assent or knowledge,
	You wrought to be a legate; by which power
	You maim'd the jurisdiction of all bishops.

NORFOLK	Then, that in all you writ to Rome, or else
	To foreign princes, 'Ego et Rex meus'
	Was still inscribed; in which you brought the king
	To be your servant.

SUFFOLK	Then that, without the knowledge
	Either of king or council, when you went
	Ambassador to the emperor, you made bold
	To carry into Flanders the great seal.

SURREY	Item, you sent a large commission
	To Gregory de Cassado, to conclude,
	Without the king's will or the state's allowance,
	A league between his highness and Ferrara.

SUFFOLK	That, out of mere ambition, you have caused
	Your holy hat to be stamp'd on the king's coin.

SURREY	Then that you have sent innumerable substance--
	By what means got, I leave to your own conscience--
	To furnish Rome, and to prepare the ways
	You have for dignities; to the mere undoing
	Of all the kingdom. Many more there are;
	Which, since they are of you, and odious,
	I will not taint my mouth with.

Chamberlain	O my lord,
	Press not a falling man too far! 'tis virtue:
	His faults lie open to the laws; let them,
	Not you, correct him. My heart weeps to see him
	So little of his great self.

SURREY	I forgive him.

SUFFOLK	Lord cardinal, the king's further pleasure is,
	Because all those things you have done of late,
	By your power legatine, within this kingdom,
	Fall into the compass of a praemunire,
	That therefore such a writ be sued against you;
	To forfeit all your goods, lands, tenements,
	Chattels, and whatsoever, and to be
	Out of the king's protection. This is my charge.

NORFOLK	And so we'll leave you to your meditations
	How to live better. For your stubborn answer
	About the giving back the great seal to us,
	The king shall know it, and, no doubt, shall thank you.
	So fare you well, my little good lord cardinal.

	[Exeunt all but CARDINAL WOLSEY]

CARDINAL WOLSEY	So farewell to the little good you bear me.
	Farewell! a long farewell, to all my greatness!
	This is the state of man: to-day he puts forth
	The tender leaves of hopes; to-morrow blossoms,
	And bears his blushing honours thick upon him;
	The third day comes a frost, a killing frost,
	And, when he thinks, good easy man, full surely
	His greatness is a-ripening, nips his root,
	And then he falls, as I do. I have ventured,
	Like little wanton boys that swim on bladders,
	This many summers in a sea of glory,
	But far beyond my depth: my high-blown pride
	At length broke under me and now has left me,
	Weary and old with service, to the mercy
	Of a rude stream, that must for ever hide me.
	Vain pomp and glory of this world, I hate ye:
	I feel my heart new open'd. O, how wretched
	Is that poor man that hangs on princes' favours!
	There is, betwixt that smile we would aspire to,
	That sweet aspect of princes, and their ruin,
	More pangs and fears than wars or women have:
	And when he falls, he falls like Lucifer,
	Never to hope again.

	[Enter CROMWELL, and stands amazed]

		Why, how now, Cromwell!

CROMWELL	I have no power to speak, sir.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	What, amazed
	At my misfortunes? can thy spirit wonder
	A great man should decline? Nay, an you weep,
	I am fall'n indeed.

CROMWELL	How does your grace?

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Why, well;
	Never so truly happy, my good Cromwell.
	I know myself now; and I feel within me
	A peace above all earthly dignities,
	A still and quiet conscience. The king has cured me,
	I humbly thank his grace; and from these shoulders,
	These ruin'd pillars, out of pity, taken
	A load would sink a navy, too much honour:
	O, 'tis a burthen, Cromwell, 'tis a burthen
	Too heavy for a man that hopes for heaven!

CROMWELL	I am glad your grace has made that right use of it.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	I hope I have: I am able now, methinks,
	Out of a fortitude of soul I feel,
	To endure more miseries and greater far
	Than my weak-hearted enemies dare offer.
	What news abroad?

CROMWELL	                  The heaviest and the worst
	Is your displeasure with the king.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	God bless him!

CROMWELL	The next is, that Sir Thomas More is chosen
	Lord chancellor in your place.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	That's somewhat sudden:
	But he's a learned man. May he continue
	Long in his highness' favour, and do justice
	For truth's sake and his conscience; that his bones,
	When he has run his course and sleeps in blessings,
	May have a tomb of orphans' tears wept on em! What more?

CROMWELL	That Cranmer is return'd with welcome,
	Install'd lord archbishop of Canterbury.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	That's news indeed.

CROMWELL	Last, that the Lady Anne,
	Whom the king hath in secrecy long married,
	This day was view'd in open as his queen,
	Going to chapel; and the voice is now
	Only about her coronation.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	There was the weight that pull'd me down. O Cromwell,
	The king has gone beyond me: all my glories
	In that one woman I have lost for ever:
	No sun shall ever usher forth mine honours,
	Or gild again the noble troops that waited
	Upon my smiles. Go, get thee from me, Cromwell;
	I am a poor fall'n man, unworthy now
	To be thy lord and master: seek the king;
	That sun, I pray, may never set! I have told him
	What and how true thou art: he will advance thee;
	Some little memory of me will stir him--
	I know his noble nature--not to let
	Thy hopeful service perish too: good Cromwell,
	Neglect him not; make use now, and provide
	For thine own future safety.

CROMWELL	O my lord,
	Must I, then, leave you? must I needs forego
	So good, so noble and so true a master?
	Bear witness, all that have not hearts of iron,
	With what a sorrow Cromwell leaves his lord.
	The king shall have my service: but my prayers
	For ever and for ever shall be yours.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	Cromwell, I did not think to shed a tear
	In all my miseries; but thou hast forced me,
	Out of thy honest truth, to play the woman.
	Let's dry our eyes: and thus far hear me, Cromwell;
	And, when I am forgotten, as I shall be,
	And sleep in dull cold marble, where no mention
	Of me more must be heard of, say, I taught thee,
	Say, Wolsey, that once trod the ways of glory,
	And sounded all the depths and shoals of honour,
	Found thee a way, out of his wreck, to rise in;
	A sure and safe one, though thy master miss'd it.
	Mark but my fall, and that that ruin'd me.
	Cromwell, I charge thee, fling away ambition:
	By that sin fell the angels; how can man, then,
	The image of his Maker, hope to win by it?
	Love thyself last: cherish those hearts that hate thee;
	Corruption wins not more than honesty.
	Still in thy right hand carry gentle peace,
	To silence envious tongues. Be just, and fear not:
	Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's,
	Thy God's, and truth's; then if thou fall'st,
	O Cromwell,
	Thou fall'st a blessed martyr! Serve the king;
	And,--prithee, lead me in:
	There take an inventory of all I have,
	To the last penny; 'tis the king's: my robe,
	And my integrity to heaven, is all
	I dare now call mine own. O Cromwell, Cromwell!
	Had I but served my God with half the zeal
	I served my king, he would not in mine age
	Have left me naked to mine enemies.

CROMWELL	Good sir, have patience.

CARDINAL WOLSEY	So I have. Farewell
	The hopes of court! my hopes in heaven do dwell.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT IV



SCENE I	A street in Westminster.


	[Enter two Gentlemen, meeting one another]

First Gentleman	You're well met once again.

Second Gentleman	So are you.

First Gentleman	You come to take your stand here, and behold
	The Lady Anne pass from her coronation?

Second Gentleman	'Tis all my business. At our last encounter,
	The Duke of Buckingham came from his trial.

First Gentleman	'Tis very true: but that time offer'd sorrow;
	This, general joy.

Second Gentleman	'Tis well: the citizens,
	I am sure, have shown at full their royal minds--
	As, let 'em have their rights, they are ever forward--
	In celebration of this day with shows,
	Pageants and sights of honour.

First Gentleman	Never greater,
	Nor, I'll assure you, better taken, sir.

Second Gentleman	May I be bold to ask at what that contains,
	That paper in your hand?

First Gentleman	Yes; 'tis the list
	Of those that claim their offices this day
	By custom of the coronation.
	The Duke of Suffolk is the first, and claims
	To be high-steward; next, the Duke of Norfolk,
	He to be earl marshal: you may read the rest.

Second Gentleman	I thank you, sir: had I not known those customs,
	I should have been beholding to your paper.
	But, I beseech you, what's become of Katharine,
	The princess dowager? how goes her business?

First Gentleman	That I can tell you too. The Archbishop
	Of Canterbury, accompanied with other
	Learned and reverend fathers of his order,
	Held a late court at Dunstable, six miles off
	From Ampthill where the princess lay; to which
	She was often cited by them, but appear'd not:
	And, to be short, for not appearance and
	The king's late scruple, by the main assent
	Of all these learned men she was divorced,
	And the late marriage made of none effect
	Since which she was removed to Kimbolton,
	Where she remains now sick.

Second Gentleman	Alas, good lady!

	[Trumpets]

	The trumpets sound: stand close, the queen is coming.

	[Hautboys]

	[THE ORDER OF THE CORONATION]

	1. A lively flourish of Trumpets.

	2. Then, two Judges.

	3. Lord Chancellor, with the purse and mace
	before him.

	4. Choristers, singing.

	[Music]

	5. Mayor of London, bearing the mace. Then
	Garter, in his coat of arms, and on his
	head a gilt copper crown.

	6. Marquess Dorset, bearing a sceptre of gold,
	on his head a demi-coronal of gold. With
	him, SURREY, bearing the rod of silver with
	the dove, crowned with an earl's coronet.
	Collars of SS.

	7. SUFFOLK, in his robe of estate, his coronet
	on his head, bearing a long white wand, as
	high-steward. With him, NORFOLK, with the
	rod of marshalship, a coronet on his head.
	Collars of SS.

	8. A canopy borne by four of the Cinque-ports;
	under it, QUEEN ANNE in her robe; in her hair
	richly adorned with pearl, crowned. On each
	side her, the Bishops of London and
	Winchester.

	9. The old Duchess of Norfolk, in a coronal of
	gold, wrought with flowers, bearing QUEEN
	ANNE's train.

	10. Certain Ladies or Countesses, with plain
	circlets of gold without flowers.

	[They pass over the stage in order and state]

Second Gentleman	A royal train, believe me. These I know:
	Who's that that bears the sceptre?

First Gentleman	Marquess Dorset:
	And that the Earl of Surrey, with the rod.

Second Gentleman	A bold brave gentleman. That should be
	The Duke of Suffolk?

First Gentleman	'Tis the same: high-steward.

Second Gentleman	And that my Lord of Norfolk?

First Gentleman	Yes;

Second Gentleman	Heaven bless thee!

	[Looking on QUEEN ANNE]

	Thou hast the sweetest face I ever look'd on.
	Sir, as I have a soul, she is an angel;
	Our king has all the Indies in his arms,
	And more and richer, when he strains that lady:
	I cannot blame his conscience.

First Gentleman	They that bear
	The cloth of honour over her, are four barons
	Of the Cinque-ports.

Second Gentleman	Those men are happy; and so are all are near her.
	I take it, she that carries up the train
	Is that old noble lady, Duchess of Norfolk.

First Gentleman	It is; and all the rest are countesses.

Second Gentleman	Their coronets say so. These are stars indeed;
	And sometimes falling ones.

First Gentleman	No more of that.

	[Exit procession, and then a great flourish of trumpets]

	[Enter a third Gentleman]

First Gentleman	God save you, sir! where have you been broiling?

Third Gentleman	Among the crowd i' the Abbey; where a finger
	Could not be wedged in more: I am stifled
	With the mere rankness of their joy.

Second Gentleman	You saw
	The ceremony?

Third Gentleman	                  That I did.

First Gentleman	How was it?

Third Gentleman	Well worth the seeing.

Second Gentleman	Good sir, speak it to us.

Third Gentleman	As well as I am able. The rich stream
	Of lords and ladies, having brought the queen
	To a prepared place in the choir, fell off
	A distance from her; while her grace sat down
	To rest awhile, some half an hour or so,
	In a rich chair of state, opposing freely
	The beauty of her person to the people.
	Believe me, sir, she is the goodliest woman
	That ever lay by man: which when the people
	Had the full view of, such a noise arose
	As the shrouds make at sea in a stiff tempest,
	As loud, and to as many tunes: hats, cloaks--
	Doublets, I think,--flew up; and had their faces
	Been loose, this day they had been lost. Such joy
	I never saw before. Great-bellied women,
	That had not half a week to go, like rams
	In the old time of war, would shake the press,
	And make 'em reel before 'em. No man living
	Could say 'This is my wife' there; all were woven
	So strangely in one piece.

Second Gentleman	But, what follow'd?

Third Gentleman	At length her grace rose, and with modest paces
	Came to the altar; where she kneel'd, and saint-like
	Cast her fair eyes to heaven and pray'd devoutly.
	Then rose again and bow'd her to the people:
	When by the Archbishop of Canterbury
	She had all the royal makings of a queen;
	As holy oil, Edward Confessor's crown,
	The rod, and bird of peace, and all such emblems
	Laid nobly on her: which perform'd, the choir,
	With all the choicest music of the kingdom,
	Together sung 'Te Deum.' So she parted,
	And with the same full state paced back again
	To York-place, where the feast is held.

First Gentleman	Sir,
	You must no more call it York-place, that's past;
	For, since the cardinal fell, that title's lost:
	'Tis now the king's, and call'd Whitehall.

Third Gentleman	I know it;
	But 'tis so lately alter'd, that the old name
	Is fresh about me.

Second Gentleman	                  What two reverend bishops
	Were those that went on each side of the queen?

Third Gentleman	Stokesly and Gardiner; the one of Winchester,
	Newly preferr'd from the king's secretary,
	The other, London.

Second Gentleman	                  He of Winchester
	Is held no great good lover of the archbishop's,
	The virtuous Cranmer.

Third Gentleman	All the land knows that:
	However, yet there is no great breach; when it comes,
	Cranmer will find a friend will not shrink from him.

Second Gentleman	Who may that be, I pray you?

Third Gentleman	Thomas Cromwell;
	A man in much esteem with the king, and truly
	A worthy friend. The king has made him master
	O' the jewel house,
	And one, already, of the privy council.

Second Gentleman	He will deserve more.

Third Gentleman	Yes, without all doubt.
	Come, gentlemen, ye shall go my way, which
	Is to the court, and there ye shall be my guests:
	Something I can command. As I walk thither,
	I'll tell ye more.

Both	                  You may command us, sir.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT IV



SCENE II	Kimbolton.


	[Enter KATHARINE, Dowager, sick; led between
	GRIFFITH, her gentleman usher, and PATIENCE, her woman]

GRIFFITH	How does your grace?

KATHARINE	O Griffith, sick to death!
	My legs, like loaden branches, bow to the earth,
	Willing to leave their burthen. Reach a chair:
	So; now, methinks, I feel a little ease.
	Didst thou not tell me, Griffith, as thou led'st me,
	That the great child of honour, Cardinal Wolsey, Was dead?

GRIFFITH	        Yes, madam; but I think your grace,
	Out of the pain you suffer'd, gave no ear to't.

KATHARINE	Prithee, good Griffith, tell me how he died:
	If well, he stepp'd before me, happily
	For my example.

GRIFFITH	                  Well, the voice goes, madam:
	For after the stout Earl Northumberland
	Arrested him at York, and brought him forward,
	As a man sorely tainted, to his answer,
	He fell sick suddenly, and grew so ill
	He could not sit his mule.

KATHARINE	Alas, poor man!

GRIFFITH	At last, with easy roads, he came to Leicester,
	Lodged in the abbey; where the reverend abbot,
	With all his covent, honourably received him;
	To whom he gave these words, 'O, father abbot,
	An old man, broken with the storms of state,
	Is come to lay his weary bones among ye;
	Give him a little earth for charity!'
	So went to bed; where eagerly his sickness
	Pursued him still: and, three nights after this,
	About the hour of eight, which he himself
	Foretold should be his last, full of repentance,
	Continual meditations, tears, and sorrows,
	He gave his honours to the world again,
	His blessed part to heaven, and slept in peace.

KATHARINE	So may he rest; his faults lie gently on him!
	Yet thus far, Griffith, give me leave to speak him,
	And yet with charity. He was a man
	Of an unbounded stomach, ever ranking
	Himself with princes; one that, by suggestion,
	Tied all the kingdom: simony was fair-play;
	His own opinion was his law: i' the presence
	He would say untruths; and be ever double
	Both in his words and meaning: he was never,
	But where he meant to ruin, pitiful:
	His promises were, as he then was, mighty;
	But his performance, as he is now, nothing:
	Of his own body he was ill, and gave
	The clergy in example.

GRIFFITH	Noble madam,
	Men's evil manners live in brass; their virtues
	We write in water. May it please your highness
	To hear me speak his good now?

KATHARINE	Yes, good Griffith;
	I were malicious else.

GRIFFITH	This cardinal,
	Though from an humble stock, undoubtedly
	Was fashion'd to much honour from his cradle.
	He was a scholar, and a ripe and good one;
	Exceeding wise, fair-spoken, and persuading:
	Lofty and sour to them that loved him not;
	But to those men that sought him sweet as summer.
	And though he were unsatisfied in getting,
	Which was a sin, yet in bestowing, madam,
	He was most princely: ever witness for him
	Those twins Of learning that he raised in you,
	Ipswich and Oxford! one of which fell with him,
	Unwilling to outlive the good that did it;
	The other, though unfinish'd, yet so famous,
	So excellent in art, and still so rising,
	That Christendom shall ever speak his virtue.
	His overthrow heap'd happiness upon him;
	For then, and not till then, he felt himself,
	And found the blessedness of being little:
	And, to add greater honours to his age
	Than man could give him, he died fearing God.

KATHARINE	After my death I wish no other herald,
	No other speaker of my living actions,
	To keep mine honour from corruption,
	But such an honest chronicler as Griffith.
	Whom I most hated living, thou hast made me,
	With thy religious truth and modesty,
	Now in his ashes honour: peace be with him!
	Patience, be near me still; and set me lower:
	I have not long to trouble thee. Good Griffith,
	Cause the musicians play me that sad note
	I named my knell, whilst I sit meditating
	On that celestial harmony I go to.

	[Sad and solemn music]

GRIFFITH	She is asleep: good wench, let's sit down quiet,
	For fear we wake her: softly, gentle Patience.

	[The vision. Enter, solemnly tripping one after
	another, six personages, clad in white robes,
	wearing on their heads garlands of bays, and golden
	vizards on their faces; branches of bays or palm in
	their hands. They first congee unto her, then
	dance; and, at certain changes, the first two hold
	a spare garland over her head; at which the other
	four make reverent curtsies; then the two that held
	the garland deliver the same to the other next two,
	who observe the same order in their changes, and
	holding the garland over her head: which done,
	they deliver the same garland to the last two, who
	likewise observe the same order: at which, as it
	were by inspiration, she makes in her sleep signs
	of rejoicing, and holdeth up her hands to heaven:
	and so in their dancing vanish, carrying the
	garland with them. The music continues]

KATHARINE	Spirits of peace, where are ye? are ye all gone,
	And leave me here in wretchedness behind ye?

GRIFFITH	Madam, we are here.

KATHARINE	It is not you I call for:
	Saw ye none enter since I slept?

GRIFFITH	None, madam.

KATHARINE	No? Saw you not, even now, a blessed troop
	Invite me to a banquet; whose bright faces
	Cast thousand beams upon me, like the sun?
	They promised me eternal happiness;
	And brought me garlands, Griffith, which I feel
	I am not worthy yet to wear: I shall, assuredly.

GRIFFITH	I am most joyful, madam, such good dreams
	Possess your fancy.

KATHARINE	Bid the music leave,
	They are harsh and heavy to me.

	[Music ceases]

PATIENCE	Do you note
	How much her grace is alter'd on the sudden?
	How long her face is drawn? how pale she looks,
	And of an earthy cold? Mark her eyes!

GRIFFITH	She is going, wench: pray, pray.

PATIENCE	Heaven comfort her!

	[Enter a Messenger]

Messenger	An't like your grace,--

KATHARINE	You are a saucy fellow:
	Deserve we no more reverence?

GRIFFITH	You are to blame,
	Knowing she will not lose her wonted greatness,
	To use so rude behavior; go to, kneel.

Messenger	I humbly do entreat your highness' pardon;
	My haste made me unmannerly. There is staying
	A gentleman, sent from the king, to see you.

KATHARINE	Admit him entrance, Griffith: but this fellow
	Let me ne'er see again.

	[Exeunt GRIFFITH and Messenger]

	[Re-enter GRIFFITH, with CAPUCIUS]

		 If my sight fail not,
	You should be lord ambassador from the emperor,
	My royal nephew, and your name Capucius.

CAPUCIUS	Madam, the same; your servant.

KATHARINE	O, my lord,
	The times and titles now are alter'd strangely
	With me since first you knew me. But, I pray you,
	What is your pleasure with me?

CAPUCIUS	Noble lady,
	First mine own service to your grace; the next,
	The king's request that I would visit you;
	Who grieves much for your weakness, and by me
	Sends you his princely commendations,
	And heartily entreats you take good comfort.

KATHARINE	O my good lord, that comfort comes too late;
	'Tis like a pardon after execution:
	That gentle physic, given in time, had cured me;
	But now I am past an comforts here, but prayers.
	How does his highness?

CAPUCIUS	Madam, in good health.

KATHARINE	So may he ever do! and ever flourish,
	When I shall dwell with worms, and my poor name
	Banish'd the kingdom! Patience, is that letter,
	I caused you write, yet sent away?

PATIENCE	No, madam.

	[Giving it to KATHARINE]

KATHARINE	Sir, I most humbly pray you to deliver
	This to my lord the king.

CAPUCIUS	Most willing, madam.

KATHARINE	In which I have commended to his goodness
	The model of our chaste loves, his young daughter;
	The dews of heaven fall thick in blessings on her!
	Beseeching him to give her virtuous breeding--
	She is young, and of a noble modest nature,
	I hope she will deserve well,--and a little
	To love her for her mother's sake, that loved him,
	Heaven knows how dearly. My next poor petition
	Is, that his noble grace would have some pity
	Upon my wretched women, that so long
	Have follow'd both my fortunes faithfully:
	Of which there is not one, I dare avow,
	And now I should not lie, but will deserve
	For virtue and true beauty of the soul,
	For honesty and decent carriage,
	A right good husband, let him be a noble
	And, sure, those men are happy that shall have 'em.
	The last is, for my men; they are the poorest,
	But poverty could never draw 'em from me;
	That they may have their wages duly paid 'em,
	And something over to remember me by:
	If heaven had pleased to have given me longer life
	And able means, we had not parted thus.
	These are the whole contents: and, good my lord,
	By that you love the dearest in this world,
	As you wish Christian peace to souls departed,
	Stand these poor people's friend, and urge the king
	To do me this last right.

CAPUCIUS	By heaven, I will,
	Or let me lose the fashion of a man!

KATHARINE	I thank you, honest lord. Remember me
	In all humility unto his highness:
	Say his long trouble now is passing
	Out of this world; tell him, in death I bless'd him,
	For so I will. Mine eyes grow dim. Farewell,
	My lord. Griffith, farewell. Nay, Patience,
	You must not leave me yet: I must to bed;
	Call in more women. When I am dead, good wench,
	Let me be used with honour: strew me over
	With maiden flowers, that all the world may know
	I was a chaste wife to my grave: embalm me,
	Then lay me forth: although unqueen'd, yet like
	A queen, and daughter to a king, inter me.
	I can no more.

	[Exeunt, leading KATHARINE]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT V



SCENE I	London. A gallery in the palace.


	[Enter GARDINER, Bishop of Winchester, a Page with a
	torch before him, met by LOVELL]

GARDINER	It's one o'clock, boy, is't not?

Boy	It hath struck.

GARDINER	These should be hours for necessities,
	Not for delights; times to repair our nature
	With comforting repose, and not for us
	To waste these times. Good hour of night, Sir Thomas!
	Whither so late?

LOVELL	                  Came you from the king, my lord

GARDINER	I did, Sir Thomas: and left him at primero
	With the Duke of Suffolk.

LOVELL	I must to him too,
	Before he go to bed. I'll take my leave.

GARDINER	Not yet, Sir Thomas Lovell. What's the matter?
	It seems you are in haste: an if there be
	No great offence belongs to't, give your friend
	Some touch of your late business: affairs, that walk,
	As they say spirits do, at midnight, have
	In them a wilder nature than the business
	That seeks dispatch by day.

LOVELL	My lord, I love you;
	And durst commend a secret to your ear
	Much weightier than this work. The queen's in labour,
	They say, in great extremity; and fear'd
	She'll with the labour end.

GARDINER	The fruit she goes with
	I pray for heartily, that it may find
	Good time, and live: but for the stock, Sir Thomas,
	I wish it grubb'd up now.

LOVELL	Methinks I could
	Cry the amen; and yet my conscience says
	She's a good creature, and, sweet lady, does
	Deserve our better wishes.

GARDINER	But, sir, sir,
	Hear me, Sir Thomas: you're a gentleman
	Of mine own way; I know you wise, religious;
	And, let me tell you, it will ne'er be well,
	'Twill not, Sir Thomas Lovell, take't of me,
	Till Cranmer, Cromwell, her two hands, and she,
	Sleep in their graves.

LOVELL	Now, sir, you speak of two
	The most remark'd i' the kingdom. As for Cromwell,
	Beside that of the jewel house, is made master
	O' the rolls, and the king's secretary; further, sir,
	Stands in the gap and trade of moe preferments,
	With which the time will load him. The archbishop
	Is the king's hand and tongue; and who dare speak
	One syllable against him?

GARDINER	Yes, yes, Sir Thomas,
	There are that dare; and I myself have ventured
	To speak my mind of him: and indeed this day,
	Sir, I may tell it you, I think I have
	Incensed the lords o' the council, that he is,
	For so I know he is, they know he is,
	A most arch heretic, a pestilence
	That does infect the land: with which they moved
	Have broken with the king; who hath so far
	Given ear to our complaint, of his great grace
	And princely care foreseeing those fell mischiefs
	Our reasons laid before him, hath commanded
	To-morrow morning to the council-board
	He be convented. He's a rank weed, Sir Thomas,
	And we must root him out. From your affairs
	I hinder you too long: good night, Sir Thomas.

LOVELL	Many good nights, my lord: I rest your servant.

	[Exeunt GARDINER and Page]

	[Enter KING HENRY VIII and SUFFOLK]

KING HENRY VIII	Charles, I will play no more tonight;
	My mind's not on't; you are too hard for me.

SUFFOLK	Sir, I did never win of you before.

KING HENRY VIII	But little, Charles;
	Nor shall not, when my fancy's on my play.
	Now, Lovell, from the queen what is the news?

LOVELL	I could not personally deliver to her
	What you commanded me, but by her woman
	I sent your message; who return'd her thanks
	In the great'st humbleness, and desired your highness
	Most heartily to pray for her.

KING HENRY VIII	What say'st thou, ha?
	To pray for her? what, is she crying out?

LOVELL	So said her woman; and that her sufferance made
	Almost each pang a death.

KING HENRY VIII	Alas, good lady!

SUFFOLK	God safely quit her of her burthen, and
	With gentle travail, to the gladding of
	Your highness with an heir!

KING HENRY VIII	'Tis midnight, Charles;
	Prithee, to bed; and in thy prayers remember
	The estate of my poor queen. Leave me alone;
	For I must think of that which company
	Would not be friendly to.

SUFFOLK	I wish your highness
	A quiet night; and my good mistress will
	Remember in my prayers.

KING HENRY VIII	Charles, good night.

	[Exit SUFFOLK]

	[Enter DENNY]

	Well, sir, what follows?

DENNY	Sir, I have brought my lord the archbishop,
	As you commanded me.

KING HENRY VIII	Ha! Canterbury?

DENNY	Ay, my good lord.

KING HENRY VIII	'Tis true: where is he, Denny?

DENNY	He attends your highness' pleasure.

	[Exit DENNY]

LOVELL	[Aside]  This is about that which the bishop spake:
	I am happily come hither.

	[Re-enter DENNY, with CRANMER]

KING HENRY VIII	Avoid the gallery.

	[LOVELL seems to stay]

	Ha! I have said. Be gone. What!

	[Exeunt LOVELL and DENNY]

CRANMER	[Aside]
	I am fearful: wherefore frowns he thus?
	'Tis his aspect of terror. All's not well.

KING HENRY VIII	How now, my lord! you desire to know
	Wherefore I sent for you.

CRANMER	[Kneeling]              It is my duty
	To attend your highness' pleasure.

KING HENRY VIII	Pray you, arise,
	My good and gracious Lord of Canterbury.
	Come, you and I must walk a turn together;
	I have news to tell you: come, come, give me your hand.
	Ah, my good lord, I grieve at what I speak,
	And am right sorry to repeat what follows
	I have, and most unwillingly, of late
	Heard many grievous, I do say, my lord,
	Grievous complaints of you; which, being consider'd,
	Have moved us and our council, that you shall
	This morning come before us; where, I know,
	You cannot with such freedom purge yourself,
	But that, till further trial in those charges
	Which will require your answer, you must take
	Your patience to you, and be well contented
	To make your house our Tower: you a brother of us,
	It fits we thus proceed, or else no witness
	Would come against you.

CRANMER	[Kneeling]

		  I humbly thank your highness;
	And am right glad to catch this good occasion
	Most throughly to be winnow'd, where my chaff
	And corn shall fly asunder: for, I know,
	There's none stands under more calumnious tongues
	Than I myself, poor man.

KING HENRY VIII	Stand up, good Canterbury:
	Thy truth and thy integrity is rooted
	In us, thy friend: give me thy hand, stand up:
	Prithee, let's walk. Now, by my holidame.
	What manner of man are you? My lord, I look'd
	You would have given me your petition, that
	I should have ta'en some pains to bring together
	Yourself and your accusers; and to have heard you,
	Without indurance, further.

CRANMER	Most dread liege,
	The good I stand on is my truth and honesty:
	If they shall fail, I, with mine enemies,
	Will triumph o'er my person; which I weigh not,
	Being of those virtues vacant. I fear nothing
	What can be said against me.

KING HENRY VIII	Know you not
	How your state stands i' the world, with the whole world?
	Your enemies are many, and not small; their practises
	Must bear the same proportion; and not ever
	The justice and the truth o' the question carries
	The due o' the verdict with it: at what ease
	Might corrupt minds procure knaves as corrupt
	To swear against you? such things have been done.
	You are potently opposed; and with a malice
	Of as great size. Ween you of better luck,
	I mean, in perjured witness, than your master,
	Whose minister you are, whiles here he lived
	Upon this naughty earth? Go to, go to;
	You take a precipice for no leap of danger,
	And woo your own destruction.

CRANMER	God and your majesty
	Protect mine innocence, or I fall into
	The trap is laid for me!

KING HENRY VIII	Be of good cheer;
	They shall no more prevail than we give way to.
	Keep comfort to you; and this morning see
	You do appear before them: if they shall chance,
	In charging you with matters, to commit you,
	The best persuasions to the contrary
	Fail not to use, and with what vehemency
	The occasion shall instruct you: if entreaties
	Will render you no remedy, this ring
	Deliver them, and your appeal to us
	There make before them. Look, the good man weeps!
	He's honest, on mine honour. God's blest mother!
	I swear he is true--hearted; and a soul
	None better in my kingdom. Get you gone,
	And do as I have bid you.

	[Exit CRANMER]

		    He has strangled
	His language in his tears.

	[Enter Old Lady, LOVELL following]

Gentleman	[Within]                 Come back: what mean you?

Old Lady	I'll not come back; the tidings that I bring
	Will make my boldness manners. Now, good angels
	Fly o'er thy royal head, and shade thy person
	Under their blessed wings!

KING HENRY VIII	Now, by thy looks
	I guess thy message. Is the queen deliver'd?
	Say, ay; and of a boy.

Old Lady	Ay, ay, my liege;
	And of a lovely boy: the God of heaven
	Both now and ever bless her! 'tis a girl,
	Promises boys hereafter. Sir, your queen
	Desires your visitation, and to be
	Acquainted with this stranger 'tis as like you
	As cherry is to cherry.

KING HENRY VIII	Lovell!

LOVELL	Sir?

KING HENRY VIII	Give her an hundred marks. I'll to the queen.

	[Exit]

Old Lady	An hundred marks! By this light, I'll ha' more.
	An ordinary groom is for such payment.
	I will have more, or scold it out of him.
	Said I for this, the girl was like to him?
	I will have more, or else unsay't; and now,
	While it is hot, I'll put it to the issue.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT V



SCENE II	Before the council-chamber. Pursuivants, Pages, &c.
	attending.


	[Enter CRANMER]

CRANMER	I hope I am not too late; and yet the gentleman,
	That was sent to me from the council, pray'd me
	To make great haste. All fast? what means this? Ho!
	Who waits there? Sure, you know me?

	[Enter Keeper]

Keeper	Yes, my lord;
	But yet I cannot help you.

CRANMER	Why?

	[Enter DOCTOR BUTTS]

Keeper	Your grace must wait till you be call'd for.

CRANMER	So.

DOCTOR BUTTS	[Aside]  This is a piece of malice. I am glad
	I came this way so happily: the king
	Shall understand it presently.

	[Exit]

CRANMER	[Aside]	'Tis Butts,
	The king's physician: as he pass'd along,
	How earnestly he cast his eyes upon me!
	Pray heaven, he sound not my disgrace! For certain,
	This is of purpose laid by some that hate me--
	God turn their hearts! I never sought their malice--
	To quench mine honour: they would shame to make me
	Wait else at door, a fellow-counsellor,
	'Mong boys, grooms, and lackeys. But their pleasures
	Must be fulfill'd, and I attend with patience.

	[Enter the KING HENRY VIII and DOCTOR BUTTS at a window above]

DOCTOR BUTTS	I'll show your grace the strangest sight--

KING HENRY VIII	What's that, Butts?

DOCTOR BUTTS	I think your highness saw this many a day.

KING HENRY VIII	Body o' me, where is it?

DOCTOR BUTTS	There, my lord:
	The high promotion of his grace of Canterbury;
	Who holds his state at door, 'mongst pursuivants,
	Pages, and footboys.

KING HENRY VIII	Ha! 'tis he, indeed:
	Is this the honour they do one another?
	'Tis well there's one above 'em yet. I had thought
	They had parted so much honesty among 'em
	At least, good manners, as not thus to suffer
	A man of his place, and so near our favour,
	To dance attendance on their lordships' pleasures,
	And at the door too, like a post with packets.
	By holy Mary, Butts, there's knavery:
	Let 'em alone, and draw the curtain close:
	We shall hear more anon.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT V



SCENE III	The Council-Chamber.


	[Enter Chancellor; places himself at the upper end
	of the table on the left hand; a seat being left
	void above him, as for CRANMER's seat. SUFFOLK,
	NORFOLK, SURREY, Chamberlain, GARDINER, seat
	themselves in order on each side. CROMWELL at
	lower end, as secretary. Keeper at the door]

Chancellor	Speak to the business, master-secretary:
	Why are we met in council?

CROMWELL	Please your honours,
	The chief cause concerns his grace of Canterbury.

GARDINER	Has he had knowledge of it?

CROMWELL	Yes.

NORFOLK	Who waits there?

Keeper	Without, my noble lords?

GARDINER	Yes.

Keeper	My lord archbishop;
	And has done half an hour, to know your pleasures.

Chancellor	Let him come in.

Keeper	                  Your grace may enter now.

	[CRANMER enters and approaches the council-table]

Chancellor	My good lord archbishop, I'm very sorry
	To sit here at this present, and behold
	That chair stand empty: but we all are men,
	In our own natures frail, and capable
	Of our flesh; few are angels: out of which frailty
	And want of wisdom, you, that best should teach us,
	Have misdemean'd yourself, and not a little,
	Toward the king first, then his laws, in filling
	The whole realm, by your teaching and your chaplains,
	For so we are inform'd, with new opinions,
	Divers and dangerous; which are heresies,
	And, not reform'd, may prove pernicious.

GARDINER	Which reformation must be sudden too,
	My noble lords; for those that tame wild horses
	Pace 'em not in their hands to make 'em gentle,
	But stop their mouths with stubborn bits, and spur 'em,
	Till they obey the manage. If we suffer,
	Out of our easiness and childish pity
	To one man's honour, this contagious sickness,
	Farewell all physic: and what follows then?
	Commotions, uproars, with a general taint
	Of the whole state: as, of late days, our neighbours,
	The upper Germany, can dearly witness,
	Yet freshly pitied in our memories.

CRANMER	My good lords, hitherto, in all the progress
	Both of my life and office, I have labour'd,
	And with no little study, that my teaching
	And the strong course of my authority
	Might go one way, and safely; and the end
	Was ever, to do well: nor is there living,
	I speak it with a single heart, my lords,
	A man that more detests, more stirs against,
	Both in his private conscience and his place,
	Defacers of a public peace, than I do.
	Pray heaven, the king may never find a heart
	With less allegiance in it! Men that make
	Envy and crooked malice nourishment
	Dare bite the best. I do beseech your lordships,
	That, in this case of justice, my accusers,
	Be what they will, may stand forth face to face,
	And freely urge against me.

SUFFOLK	Nay, my lord,
	That cannot be: you are a counsellor,
	And, by that virtue, no man dare accuse you.

GARDINER	My lord, because we have business of more moment,
	We will be short with you. 'Tis his highness' pleasure,
	And our consent, for better trial of you,
	From hence you be committed to the Tower;
	Where, being but a private man again,
	You shall know many dare accuse you boldly,
	More than, I fear, you are provided for.

CRANMER	Ah, my good Lord of Winchester, I thank you;
	You are always my good friend; if your will pass,
	I shall both find your lordship judge and juror,
	You are so merciful: I see your end;
	'Tis my undoing: love and meekness, lord,
	Become a churchman better than ambition:
	Win straying souls with modesty again,
	Cast none away. That I shall clear myself,
	Lay all the weight ye can upon my patience,
	I make as little doubt, as you do conscience
	In doing daily wrongs. I could say more,
	But reverence to your calling makes me modest.

GARDINER	My lord, my lord, you are a sectary,
	That's the plain truth: your painted gloss discovers,
	To men that understand you, words and weakness.

CROMWELL	My Lord of Winchester, you are a little,
	By your good favour, too sharp; men so noble,
	However faulty, yet should find respect
	For what they have been: 'tis a cruelty
	To load a falling man.

GARDINER	Good master secretary,
	I cry your honour mercy; you may, worst
	Of all this table, say so.

CROMWELL	Why, my lord?

GARDINER	Do not I know you for a favourer
	Of this new sect? ye are not sound.

CROMWELL	Not sound?

GARDINER	Not sound, I say.

CROMWELL	                  Would you were half so honest!
	Men's prayers then would seek you, not their fears.

GARDINER	I shall remember this bold language.

CROMWELL	Do.
	Remember your bold life too.

Chancellor	This is too much;
	Forbear, for shame, my lords.

GARDINER	I have done.

CROMWELL	And I.

Chancellor	Then thus for you, my lord: it stands agreed,
	I take it, by all voices, that forthwith
	You be convey'd to the Tower a prisoner;
	There to remain till the king's further pleasure
	Be known unto us: are you all agreed, lords?

All	We are.

CRANMER	      Is there no other way of mercy,
	But I must needs to the Tower, my lords?

GARDINER	What other
	Would you expect? you are strangely troublesome.
	Let some o' the guard be ready there.

	[Enter Guard]

CRANMER	For me?
	Must I go like a traitor thither?

GARDINER	Receive him,
	And see him safe i' the Tower.

CRANMER	Stay, good my lords,
	I have a little yet to say. Look there, my lords;
	By virtue of that ring, I take my cause
	Out of the gripes of cruel men, and give it
	To a most noble judge, the king my master.

Chamberlain	This is the king's ring.

SURREY	'Tis no counterfeit.

SUFFOLK	'Tis the right ring, by heaven: I told ye all,
	When ye first put this dangerous stone a-rolling,
	'Twould fall upon ourselves.

NORFOLK	Do you think, my lords,
	The king will suffer but the little finger
	Of this man to be vex'd?

Chancellor	'Tis now too certain:
	How much more is his life in value with him?
	Would I were fairly out on't!

CROMWELL	My mind gave me,
	In seeking tales and informations
	Against this man, whose honesty the devil
	And his disciples only envy at,
	Ye blew the fire that burns ye: now have at ye!

	[Enter KING, frowning on them; takes his seat]

GARDINER	Dread sovereign, how much are we bound to heaven
	In daily thanks, that gave us such a prince;
	Not only good and wise, but most religious:
	One that, in all obedience, makes the church
	The chief aim of his honour; and, to strengthen
	That holy duty, out of dear respect,
	His royal self in judgment comes to hear
	The cause betwixt her and this great offender.

KING HENRY VIII	You were ever good at sudden commendations,
	Bishop of Winchester. But know, I come not
	To hear such flattery now, and in my presence;
	They are too thin and bare to hide offences.
	To me you cannot reach, you play the spaniel,
	And think with wagging of your tongue to win me;
	But, whatsoe'er thou takest me for, I'm sure
	Thou hast a cruel nature and a bloody.

	[To CRANMER]

	Good man, sit down. Now let me see the proudest
	He, that dares most, but wag his finger at thee:
	By all that's holy, he had better starve
	Than but once think this place becomes thee not.

SURREY	May it please your grace,--

KING HENRY VIII	No, sir, it does not please me.
	I had thought I had had men of some understanding
	And wisdom of my council; but I find none.
	Was it discretion, lords, to let this man,
	This good man,--few of you deserve that title,--
	This honest man, wait like a lousy footboy
	At chamber--door? and one as great as you are?
	Why, what a shame was this! Did my commission
	Bid ye so far forget yourselves? I gave ye
	Power as he was a counsellor to try him,
	Not as a groom: there's some of ye, I see,
	More out of malice than integrity,
	Would try him to the utmost, had ye mean;
	Which ye shall never have while I live.

Chancellor	Thus far,
	My most dread sovereign, may it like your grace
	To let my tongue excuse all. What was purposed
	Concerning his imprisonment, was rather,
	If there be faith in men, meant for his trial,
	And fair purgation to the world, than malice,
	I'm sure, in me.

KING HENRY VIII	Well, well, my lords, respect him;
	Take him, and use him well, he's worthy of it.
	I will say thus much for him, if a prince
	May be beholding to a subject, I
	Am, for his love and service, so to him.
	Make me no more ado, but all embrace him:
	Be friends, for shame, my lords! My Lord of
	Canterbury,
	I have a suit which you must not deny me;
	That is, a fair young maid that yet wants baptism,
	You must be godfather, and answer for her.

CRANMER	The greatest monarch now alive may glory
	In such an honour: how may I deserve it
	That am a poor and humble subject to you?

KING HENRY VIII	Come, come, my lord, you'ld spare your spoons: you
	shall have two noble partners with you; the old
	Duchess of Norfolk, and Lady Marquess Dorset: will
	these please you?
	Once more, my Lord of Winchester, I charge you,
	Embrace and love this man.

GARDINER	With a true heart
	And brother-love I do it.

CRANMER	And let heaven
	Witness, how dear I hold this confirmation.

KING HENRY VIII	Good man, those joyful tears show thy true heart:
	The common voice, I see, is verified
	Of thee, which says thus, 'Do my Lord of Canterbury
	A shrewd turn, and he is your friend for ever.'
	Come, lords, we trifle time away; I long
	To have this young one made a Christian.
	As I have made ye one, lords, one remain;
	So I grow stronger, you more honour gain.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT V



SCENE IV	The palace yard.


	[Noise and tumult within. Enter Porter and his Man]

Porter	You'll leave your noise anon, ye rascals: do you
	take the court for Paris-garden? ye rude slaves,
	leave your gaping.

	[Within]

	Good master porter, I belong to the larder.

Porter	Belong to the gallows, and be hanged, ye rogue! is
	this a place to roar in? Fetch me a dozen crab-tree
	staves, and strong ones: these are but switches to
	'em. I'll scratch your heads: you must be seeing
	christenings? do you look for ale and cakes here,
	you rude rascals?

Man	Pray, sir, be patient: 'tis as much impossible--
	Unless we sweep 'em from the door with cannons--
	To scatter 'em, as 'tis to make 'em sleep
	On May-day morning; which will never be:
	We may as well push against Powle's, as stir em.

Porter	How got they in, and be hang'd?

Man	Alas, I know not; how gets the tide in?
	As much as one sound cudgel of four foot--
	You see the poor remainder--could distribute,
	I made no spare, sir.

Porter	You did nothing, sir.

Man	I am not Samson, nor Sir Guy, nor Colbrand,
	To mow 'em down before me: but if I spared any
	That had a head to hit, either young or old,
	He or she, cuckold or cuckold-maker,
	Let me ne'er hope to see a chine again
	And that I would not for a cow, God save her!

	[Within]

	Do you hear, master porter?

Porter	I shall be with you presently, good master puppy.
	Keep the door close, sirrah.

Man	What would you have me do?

Porter	What should you do, but knock 'em down by the
	dozens? Is this Moorfields to muster in? or have
	we some strange Indian with the great tool come to
	court, the women so besiege us? Bless me, what a
	fry of fornication is at door! On my Christian
	conscience, this one christening will beget a
	thousand; here will be father, godfather, and all together.

Man	The spoons will be the bigger, sir. There is a
	fellow somewhat near the door, he should be a
	brazier by his face, for, o' my conscience, twenty
	of the dog-days now reign in's nose; all that stand
	about him are under the line, they need no other
	penance: that fire-drake did I hit three times on
	the head, and three times was his nose discharged
	against me; he stands there, like a mortar-piece, to
	blow us. There was a haberdasher's wife of small
	wit near him, that railed upon me till her pinked
	porringer fell off her head, for kindling such a
	combustion in the state. I missed the meteor once,
	and hit that woman; who cried out 'Clubs!' when I
	might see from far some forty truncheoners draw to
	her succor, which were the hope o' the Strand, where
	she was quartered. They fell on; I made good my
	place: at length they came to the broom-staff to
	me; I defied 'em still: when suddenly a file of
	boys behind 'em, loose shot, delivered such a shower
	of pebbles, that I was fain to draw mine honour in,
	and let 'em win the work: the devil was amongst
	'em, I think, surely.

Porter	These are the youths that thunder at a playhouse,
	and fight for bitten apples; that no audience, but
	the tribulation of Tower-hill, or the limbs of
	Limehouse, their dear brothers, are able to endure.
	I have some of 'em in Limbo Patrum, and there they
	are like to dance these three days; besides the
	running banquet of two beadles that is to come.

	[Enter Chamberlain]

Chamberlain	Mercy o' me, what a multitude are here!
	They grow still too; from all parts they are coming,
	As if we kept a fair here! Where are these porters,
	These lazy knaves? Ye have made a fine hand, fellows:
	There's a trim rabble let in: are all these
	Your faithful friends o' the suburbs? We shall have
	Great store of room, no doubt, left for the ladies,
	When they pass back from the christening.

Porter	An't please
	your honour,
	We are but men; and what so many may do,
	Not being torn a-pieces, we have done:
	An army cannot rule 'em.

Chamberlain	As I live,
	If the king blame me for't, I'll lay ye all
	By the heels, and suddenly; and on your heads
	Clap round fines for neglect: ye are lazy knaves;
	And here ye lie baiting of bombards, when
	Ye should do service. Hark! the trumpets sound;
	They're come already from the christening:
	Go, break among the press, and find a way out
	To let the troop pass fairly; or I'll find
	A Marshalsea shall hold ye play these two months.

Porter	Make way there for the princess.

Man	You great fellow,
	Stand close up, or I'll make your head ache.

Porter	You i' the camlet, get up o' the rail;
	I'll peck you o'er the pales else.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII


ACT V



SCENE V	The palace.


	[Enter trumpets, sounding; then two Aldermen, Lord
	Mayor, Garter, CRANMER, NORFOLK with his marshal's
	staff, SUFFOLK, two Noblemen bearing great
	standing-bowls for the christening-gifts; then
	four Noblemen bearing a canopy, under which the
	Duchess of Norfolk, godmother, bearing the child
	richly habited in a mantle, &c., train borne by a
	Lady; then follows the Marchioness Dorset, the
	other godmother, and Ladies. The troop pass once
	about the stage, and Garter speaks]

Garter	Heaven, from thy endless goodness, send prosperous
	life, long, and ever happy, to the high and mighty
	princess of England, Elizabeth!

	[Flourish. Enter KING HENRY VIII and Guard]

CRANMER	[Kneeling] And to your royal grace, and the good queen,
	My noble partners, and myself, thus pray:
	All comfort, joy, in this most gracious lady,
	Heaven ever laid up to make parents happy,
	May hourly fall upon ye!

KING HENRY VIII	Thank you, good lord archbishop:
	What is her name?

CRANMER	                  Elizabeth.

KING HENRY VIII	Stand up, lord.

	[KING HENRY VIII kisses the child]

	With this kiss take my blessing: God protect thee!
	Into whose hand I give thy life.

CRANMER	Amen.

KING HENRY VIII	My noble gossips, ye have been too prodigal:
	I thank ye heartily; so shall this lady,
	When she has so much English.

CRANMER	Let me speak, sir,
	For heaven now bids me; and the words I utter
	Let none think flattery, for they'll find 'em truth.
	This royal infant--heaven still move about her!--
	Though in her cradle, yet now promises
	Upon this land a thousand thousand blessings,
	Which time shall bring to ripeness: she shall be--
	But few now living can behold that goodness--
	A pattern to all princes living with her,
	And all that shall succeed: Saba was never
	More covetous of wisdom and fair virtue
	Than this pure soul shall be: all princely graces,
	That mould up such a mighty piece as this is,
	With all the virtues that attend the good,
	Shall still be doubled on her: truth shall nurse her,
	Holy and heavenly thoughts still counsel her:
	She shall be loved and fear'd: her own shall bless her;
	Her foes shake like a field of beaten corn,
	And hang their heads with sorrow: good grows with her:
	In her days every man shall eat in safety,
	Under his own vine, what he plants; and sing
	The merry songs of peace to all his neighbours:
	God shall be truly known; and those about her
	From her shall read the perfect ways of honour,
	And by those claim their greatness, not by blood.
	Nor shall this peace sleep with her: but as when
	The bird of wonder dies, the maiden phoenix,
	Her ashes new create another heir,
	As great in admiration as herself;
	So shall she leave her blessedness to one,
	When heaven shall call her from this cloud of darkness,
	Who from the sacred ashes of her honour
	Shall star-like rise, as great in fame as she was,
	And so stand fix'd: peace, plenty, love, truth, terror,
	That were the servants to this chosen infant,
	Shall then be his, and like a vine grow to him:
	Wherever the bright sun of heaven shall shine,
	His honour and the greatness of his name
	Shall be, and make new nations: he shall flourish,
	And, like a mountain cedar, reach his branches
	To all the plains about him: our children's children
	Shall see this, and bless heaven.

KING HENRY VIII	Thou speakest wonders.

CRANMER	She shall be, to the happiness of England,
	An aged princess; many days shall see her,
	And yet no day without a deed to crown it.
	Would I had known no more! but she must die,
	She must, the saints must have her; yet a virgin,
	A most unspotted lily shall she pass
	To the ground, and all the world shall mourn her.

KING HENRY VIII	O lord archbishop,
	Thou hast made me now a man! never, before
	This happy child, did I get any thing:
	This oracle of comfort has so pleased me,
	That when I am in heaven I shall desire
	To see what this child does, and praise my Maker.
	I thank ye all. To you, my good lord mayor,
	And your good brethren, I am much beholding;
	I have received much honour by your presence,
	And ye shall find me thankful. Lead the way, lords:
	Ye must all see the queen, and she must thank ye,
	She will be sick else. This day, no man think
	Has business at his house; for all shall stay:
	This little one shall make it holiday.

	[Exeunt]




	KING HENRY VIII

	EPILOGUE


	'Tis ten to one this play can never please
	All that are here: some come to take their ease,
	And sleep an act or two; but those, we fear,
	We have frighted with our trumpets; so, 'tis clear,
	They'll say 'tis naught: others, to hear the city
	Abused extremely, and to cry 'That's witty!'
	Which we have not done neither: that, I fear,
	All the expected good we're like to hear
	For this play at this time, is only in
	The merciful construction of good women;
	For such a one we show'd 'em: if they smile,
	And say 'twill do, I know, within a while
	All the best men are ours; for 'tis ill hap,
	If they hold when their ladies bid 'em clap.





The Complete Shakespeare: COMEDIES
----------------------------------




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


DUKE OF MILAN	Father to Silvia. (DUKE:)


VALENTINE	|
	|  the two Gentlemen.
PROTEUS	|


ANTONIO	Father to Proteus.

THURIO	a foolish rival to Valentine.

EGLAMOUR	Agent for Silvia in her escape.

HOST	where Julia lodges. (Host:)

OUTLAWS	with Valentine.
	(First Outlaw:)
	(Second Outlaw:)
	(Third Outlaw:)

SPEED	a clownish servant to Valentine.

LAUNCE	the like to Proteus.

PANTHINO	Servant to Antonio.

JULIA	beloved of Proteus.

SILVIA	beloved of Valentine.

LUCETTA	waiting-woman to Julia.

	Servants, Musicians.


SCENE	Verona; Milan; the frontiers of Mantua.




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT I



SCENE I	Verona. An open place.


	[Enter VALENTINE and PROTEUS]

VALENTINE	Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus:
	Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
	Were't not affection chains thy tender days
	To the sweet glances of thy honour'd love,
	I rather would entreat thy company
	To see the wonders of the world abroad,
	Than, living dully sluggardized at home,
	Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
	But since thou lovest, love still and thrive therein,
	Even as I would when I to love begin.

PROTEUS	Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu!
	Think on thy Proteus, when thou haply seest
	Some rare note-worthy object in thy travel:
	Wish me partaker in thy happiness
	When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger,
	If ever danger do environ thee,
	Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers,
	For I will be thy beadsman, Valentine.

VALENTINE	And on a love-book pray for my success?

PROTEUS	Upon some book I love I'll pray for thee.

VALENTINE	That's on some shallow story of deep love:
	How young Leander cross'd the Hellespont.

PROTEUS	That's a deep story of a deeper love:
	For he was more than over shoes in love.

VALENTINE	'Tis true; for you are over boots in love,
	And yet you never swum the Hellespont.

PROTEUS	Over the boots? nay, give me not the boots.

VALENTINE	No, I will not, for it boots thee not.

PROTEUS	What?

VALENTINE	To be in love, where scorn is bought with groans;
	Coy looks with heart-sore sighs; one fading moment's mirth
	With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights:
	If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;
	If lost, why then a grievous labour won;
	However, but a folly bought with wit,
	Or else a wit by folly vanquished.

PROTEUS	So, by your circumstance, you call me fool.

VALENTINE	So, by your circumstance, I fear you'll prove.

PROTEUS	'Tis love you cavil at: I am not Love.

VALENTINE	Love is your master, for he masters you:
	And he that is so yoked by a fool,
	Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.

PROTEUS	Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud
	The eating canker dwells, so eating love
	Inhabits in the finest wits of all.

VALENTINE	And writers say, as the most forward bud
	Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,
	Even so by love the young and tender wit
	Is turn'd to folly, blasting in the bud,
	Losing his verdure even in the prime
	And all the fair effects of future hopes.
	But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee,
	That art a votary to fond desire?
	Once more adieu! my father at the road
	Expects my coming, there to see me shipp'd.

PROTEUS	And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.

VALENTINE	Sweet Proteus, no; now let us take our leave.
	To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
	Of thy success in love, and what news else
	Betideth here in absence of thy friend;
	And likewise will visit thee with mine.

PROTEUS	All happiness bechance to thee in Milan!

VALENTINE	As much to you at home! and so, farewell.

	[Exit]

PROTEUS	He after honour hunts, I after love:
	He leaves his friends to dignify them more,
	I leave myself, my friends and all, for love.
	Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
	Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
	War with good counsel, set the world at nought;
	Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.

	[Enter SPEED]

SPEED	Sir Proteus, save you! Saw you my master?

PROTEUS	But now he parted hence, to embark for Milan.

SPEED	Twenty to one then he is shipp'd already,
	And I have play'd the sheep in losing him.

PROTEUS	Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,
	An if the shepherd be a while away.

SPEED	You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then,
	and I a sheep?

PROTEUS	I do.

SPEED	Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.

PROTEUS	A silly answer and fitting well a sheep.

SPEED	This proves me still a sheep.

PROTEUS	True; and thy master a shepherd.

SPEED	Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.

PROTEUS	It shall go hard but I'll prove it by another.

SPEED	The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the
	shepherd; but I seek my master, and my master seeks
	not me: therefore I am no sheep.

PROTEUS	The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the
	shepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for
	wages followest thy master; thy master for wages
	follows not thee: therefore thou art a sheep.

SPEED	Such another proof will make me cry 'baa.'

PROTEUS	But, dost thou hear? gavest thou my letter to Julia?

SPEED	Ay sir: I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her,
	a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a
	lost mutton, nothing for my labour.

PROTEUS	Here's too small a pasture for such store of muttons.

SPEED	If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.

PROTEUS	Nay: in that you are astray, 'twere best pound you.

SPEED	Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for
	carrying your letter.

PROTEUS	You mistake; I mean the pound,--a pinfold.

SPEED	From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over,
	'Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to
	your lover.

PROTEUS	But what said she?

SPEED	[First nodding]  Ay.

PROTEUS	Nod--Ay--why, that's noddy.

SPEED	You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask
	me if she did nod; and I say, 'Ay.'

PROTEUS	And that set together is noddy.

SPEED	Now you have taken the pains to set it together,
	take it for your pains.

PROTEUS	No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter.

SPEED	Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.

PROTEUS	Why sir, how do you bear with me?

SPEED	Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing
	but the word 'noddy' for my pains.

PROTEUS	Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.

SPEED	And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.

PROTEUS	Come come, open the matter in brief: what said she?

SPEED	Open your purse, that the money and the matter may
	be both at once delivered.

PROTEUS	Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?

SPEED	Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly win her.

PROTEUS	Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her?

SPEED	Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no,
	not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter:
	and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I
	fear she'll prove as hard to you in telling your
	mind. Give her no token but stones; for she's as
	hard as steel.

PROTEUS	What said she? nothing?

SPEED	No, not so much as 'Take this for thy pains.' To
	testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned
	me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your
	letters yourself: and so, sir, I'll commend you to my master.

PROTEUS	Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,
	Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
	Being destined to a drier death on shore.

	[Exit SPEED]

	I must go send some better messenger:
	I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
	Receiving them from such a worthless post.

	[Exit]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT I



SCENE II	The same. Garden of JULIA's house.


	[Enter JULlA and LUCETTA]

JULIA	But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
	Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?

LUCETTA	Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.

JULIA	Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
	That every day with parle encounter me,
	In thy opinion which is worthiest love?

LUCETTA	Please you repeat their names, I'll show my mind
	According to my shallow simple skill.

JULIA	What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?

LUCETTA	As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine;
	But, were I you, he never should be mine.

JULIA	What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?

LUCETTA	Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so.

JULIA	What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus?

LUCETTA	Lord, Lord! to see what folly reigns in us!

JULIA	How now! what means this passion at his name?

LUCETTA	Pardon, dear madam: 'tis a passing shame
	That I, unworthy body as I am,
	Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.

JULIA	Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?

LUCETTA	Then thus: of many good I think him best.

JULIA	Your reason?

LUCETTA	I have no other, but a woman's reason;
	I think him so because I think him so.

JULIA	And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?

LUCETTA	Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.

JULIA	Why he, of all the rest, hath never moved me.

LUCETTA	Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye.

JULIA	His little speaking shows his love but small.

LUCETTA	Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.

JULIA	They do not love that do not show their love.

LUCETTA	O, they love least that let men know their love.

JULIA	I would I knew his mind.

LUCETTA	Peruse this paper, madam.

JULIA	'To Julia.' Say, from whom?

LUCETTA	That the contents will show.

JULIA	Say, say, who gave it thee?

LUCETTA	Valentine's page; and sent, I think, from Proteus.
	He would have given it you; but I, being in the way,
	Did in your name receive it: pardon the
	fault I pray.

JULIA	Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
	Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
	To whisper and conspire against my youth?
	Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth
	And you an officer fit for the place.
	Or else return no more into my sight.

LUCETTA	To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.

JULIA	Will ye be gone?

LUCETTA	                  That you may ruminate.

	[Exit]

JULIA	And yet I would I had o'erlooked the letter:
	It were a shame to call her back again
	And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
	What a fool is she, that knows I am a maid,
	And would not force the letter to my view!
	Since maids, in modesty, say 'no' to that
	Which they would have the profferer construe 'ay.'
	Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
	That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse
	And presently all humbled kiss the rod!
	How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
	When willingly I would have had her here!
	How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
	When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!
	My penance is to call Lucetta back
	And ask remission for my folly past.
	What ho! Lucetta!

	[Re-enter LUCETTA]

LUCETTA	                  What would your ladyship?

JULIA	Is't near dinner-time?

LUCETTA	I would it were,
	That you might kill your stomach on your meat
	And not upon your maid.

JULIA	What is't that you took up so gingerly?

LUCETTA	Nothing.

JULIA	Why didst thou stoop, then?

LUCETTA	To take a paper up that I let fall.

JULIA	And is that paper nothing?

LUCETTA	Nothing concerning me.

JULIA	Then let it lie for those that it concerns.

LUCETTA	Madam, it will not lie where it concerns
	Unless it have a false interpeter.

JULIA	Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.

LUCETTA	That I might sing it, madam, to a tune.
	Give me a note: your ladyship can set.

JULIA	As little by such toys as may be possible.
	Best sing it to the tune of 'Light o' love.'

LUCETTA	It is too heavy for so light a tune.

JULIA	Heavy! belike it hath some burden then?

LUCETTA	Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.

JULIA	And why not you?

LUCETTA	                  I cannot reach so high.

JULIA	Let's see your song. How now, minion!

LUCETTA	Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out:
	And yet methinks I do not like this tune.

JULIA	You do not?

LUCETTA	          No, madam; it is too sharp.

JULIA	You, minion, are too saucy.

LUCETTA	Nay, now you are too flat
	And mar the concord with too harsh a descant:
	There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.

JULIA	The mean is drown'd with your unruly bass.

LUCETTA	Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.

JULIA	This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.
	Here is a coil with protestation!

	[Tears the letter]

	Go get you gone, and let the papers lie:
	You would be fingering them, to anger me.

LUCETTA	She makes it strange; but she would be best pleased
	To be so anger'd with another letter.

	[Exit]

JULIA	 Nay, would I were so anger'd with the same!
	O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
	Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
	And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
	I'll kiss each several paper for amends.
	Look, here is writ 'kind Julia.' Unkind Julia!
	As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
	I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
	Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
	And here is writ 'love-wounded Proteus.'
	Poor wounded name! my bosom as a bed
	Shall lodge thee till thy wound be thoroughly heal'd;
	And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
	But twice or thrice was 'Proteus' written down.
	Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
	Till I have found each letter in the letter,
	Except mine own name: that some whirlwind bear
	Unto a ragged fearful-hanging rock
	And throw it thence into the raging sea!
	Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ,
	'Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
	To the sweet Julia:' that I'll tear away.
	And yet I will not, sith so prettily
	He couples it to his complaining names.
	Thus will I fold them one on another:
	Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.

	[Re-enter LUCETTA]

LUCETTA	Madam,
	Dinner is ready, and your father stays.

JULIA	Well, let us go.

LUCETTA	What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?

JULIA	If you respect them, best to take them up.

LUCETTA	Nay, I was taken up for laying them down:
	Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.

JULIA	I see you have a month's mind to them.

LUCETTA	Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;
	I see things too, although you judge I wink.

JULIA	Come, come; will't please you go?

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT I



SCENE III	The same. ANTONIO's house.


	[Enter ANTONIO and PANTHINO]

ANTONIO	Tell me, Panthino, what sad talk was that
	Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister?

PANTHINO	'Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.

ANTONIO	Why, what of him?

PANTHINO	                  He wonder'd that your lordship
	Would suffer him to spend his youth at home,
	While other men, of slender reputation,
	Put forth their sons to seek preferment out:
	Some to the wars, to try their fortune there;
	Some to discover islands far away;
	Some to the studious universities.
	For any or for all these exercises,
	He said that Proteus your son was meet,
	And did request me to importune you
	To let him spend his time no more at home,
	Which would be great impeachment to his age,
	In having known no travel in his youth.

ANTONIO	Nor need'st thou much importune me to that
	Whereon this month I have been hammering.
	I have consider'd well his loss of time
	And how he cannot be a perfect man,
	Not being tried and tutor'd in the world:
	Experience is by industry achieved
	And perfected by the swift course of time.
	Then tell me, whither were I best to send him?

PANTHINO	I think your lordship is not ignorant
	How his companion, youthful Valentine,
	Attends the emperor in his royal court.

ANTONIO	I know it well.

PANTHINO	'Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither:
	There shall he practise tilts and tournaments,
	Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen.
	And be in eye of every exercise
	Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.

ANTONIO	I like thy counsel; well hast thou advised:
	And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,
	The execution of it shall make known.
	Even with the speediest expedition
	I will dispatch him to the emperor's court.

PANTHINO	To-morrow, may it please you, Don Alphonso,
	With other gentlemen of good esteem,
	Are journeying to salute the emperor
	And to commend their service to his will.

ANTONIO	Good company; with them shall Proteus go:
	And, in good time! now will we break with him.

	[Enter PROTEUS]

PROTEUS	Sweet love! sweet lines! sweet life!
	Here is her hand, the agent of her heart;
	Here is her oath for love, her honour's pawn.
	O, that our fathers would applaud our loves,
	To seal our happiness with their consents!
	O heavenly Julia!

ANTONIO	How now! what letter are you reading there?

PROTEUS	May't please your lordship, 'tis a word or two
	Of commendations sent from Valentine,
	Deliver'd by a friend that came from him.

ANTONIO	Lend me the letter; let me see what news.

PROTEUS	There is no news, my lord, but that he writes
	How happily he lives, how well beloved
	And daily graced by the emperor;
	Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.

ANTONIO	And how stand you affected to his wish?

PROTEUS	As one relying on your lordship's will
	And not depending on his friendly wish.

ANTONIO	My will is something sorted with his wish.
	Muse not that I thus suddenly proceed;
	For what I will, I will, and there an end.
	I am resolved that thou shalt spend some time
	With Valentinus in the emperor's court:
	What maintenance he from his friends receives,
	Like exhibition thou shalt have from me.
	To-morrow be in readiness to go:
	Excuse it not, for I am peremptory.

PROTEUS	My lord, I cannot be so soon provided:
	Please you, deliberate a day or two.

ANTONIO	Look, what thou want'st shall be sent after thee:
	No more of stay! to-morrow thou must go.
	Come on, Panthino: you shall be employ'd
	To hasten on his expedition.

	[Exeunt ANTONIO and PANTHINO]

PROTEUS	Thus have I shunn'd the fire for fear of burning,
	And drench'd me in the sea, where I am drown'd.
	I fear'd to show my father Julia's letter,
	Lest he should take exceptions to my love;
	And with the vantage of mine own excuse
	Hath he excepted most against my love.
	O, how this spring of love resembleth
	The uncertain glory of an April day,
	Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
	And by and by a cloud takes all away!

	[Re-enter PANTHINO]

PANTHINO	Sir Proteus, your father calls for you:
	He is in haste; therefore, I pray you to go.

PROTEUS	Why, this it is: my heart accords thereto,
	And yet a thousand times it answers 'no.'

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE I	Milan. The DUKE's palace.


	[Enter VALENTINE and SPEED]

SPEED	Sir, your glove.

VALENTINE	                  Not mine; my gloves are on.

SPEED	Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

VALENTINE	Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine:
	Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
	Ah, Silvia, Silvia!

SPEED	Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

VALENTINE	How now, sirrah?

SPEED	She is not within hearing, sir.

VALENTINE	Why, sir, who bade you call her?

SPEED	Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.

VALENTINE	Well, you'll still be too forward.

SPEED	And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

VALENTINE	Go to, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

SPEED	She that your worship loves?

VALENTINE	Why, how know you that I am in love?

SPEED	Marry, by these special marks: first, you have
	learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms,
	like a malecontent; to relish a love-song, like a
	robin-redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had
	the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had
	lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had
	buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes
	diet; to watch like one that fears robbing; to
	speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were
	wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you
	walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you
	fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you
	looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you
	are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look
	on you, I can hardly think you my master.

VALENTINE	Are all these things perceived in me?

SPEED	They are all perceived without ye.

VALENTINE	Without me? they cannot.

SPEED	Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you
	were so simple, none else would: but you are so
	without these follies, that these follies are within
	you and shine through you like the water in an
	urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a
	physician to comment on your malady.

VALENTINE	But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?

SPEED	She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

VALENTINE	Hast thou observed that? even she, I mean.

SPEED	Why, sir, I know her not.

VALENTINE	Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet
	knowest her not?

SPEED	Is she not hard-favoured, sir?

VALENTINE	Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured.

SPEED	Sir, I know that well enough.

VALENTINE	What dost thou know?

SPEED	That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured.

VALENTINE	I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.

SPEED	That's because the one is painted and the other out
	of all count.

VALENTINE	How painted? and how out of count?

SPEED	Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no
	man counts of her beauty.

VALENTINE	How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.

SPEED	You never saw her since she was deformed.

VALENTINE	How long hath she been deformed?

SPEED	Ever since you loved her.

VALENTINE	I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I
	see her beautiful.

SPEED	If you love her, you cannot see her.

VALENTINE	Why?

SPEED	Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes;
	or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to
	have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going
	ungartered!

VALENTINE	What should I see then?

SPEED	Your own present folly and her passing deformity:
	for he, being in love, could not see to garter his
	hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

VALENTINE	Belike, boy, then, you are in love; for last
	morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.

SPEED	True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you,
	you swinged me for my love, which makes me the
	bolder to chide you for yours.

VALENTINE	In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

SPEED	I would you were set, so your affection would cease.

VALENTINE	Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to
	one she loves.

SPEED	And have you?

VALENTINE	I have.

SPEED	Are they not lamely writ?

VALENTINE	No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace!
	here she comes.

SPEED	[Aside]  O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!
	Now will he interpret to her.

	[Enter SILVIA]

VALENTINE	Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.

SPEED	[Aside]  O, give ye good even! here's a million of manners.

SILVIA	Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.

SPEED	[Aside]  He should give her interest and she gives it him.

VALENTINE	As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter
	Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;
	Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
	But for my duty to your ladyship.

SILVIA	I thank you gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done.

VALENTINE	Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
	For being ignorant to whom it goes
	I writ at random, very doubtfully.

SILVIA	Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

VALENTINE	No, madam; so it stead you, I will write
	Please you command, a thousand times as much; And yet--

SILVIA	A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
	And yet I will not name it; and yet I care not;
	And yet take this again; and yet I thank you,
	Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

SPEED	[Aside]  And yet you will; and yet another 'yet.'

VALENTINE	What means your ladyship? do you not like it?

SILVIA	Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ;
	But since unwillingly, take them again.
	Nay, take them.

VALENTINE	Madam, they are for you.

SILVIA	Ay, ay: you writ them, sir, at my request;
	But I will none of them; they are for you;
	I would have had them writ more movingly.

VALENTINE	Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.

SILVIA	And when it's writ, for my sake read it over,
	And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.

VALENTINE	If it please me, madam, what then?

SILVIA	Why, if it please you, take it for your labour:
	And so, good morrow, servant.

	[Exit]

SPEED	O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
	As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
	My master sues to her, and she hath
	taught her suitor,
	He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
	O excellent device! was there ever heard a better,
	That my master, being scribe, to himself should write
	the letter?

VALENTINE	How now, sir? what are you reasoning with yourself?

SPEED	Nay, I was rhyming: 'tis you that have the reason.

VALENTINE	To do what?

SPEED	To be a spokesman for Madam Silvia.

VALENTINE	To whom?

SPEED	To yourself: why, she wooes you by a figure.

VALENTINE	What figure?

SPEED	By a letter, I should say.

VALENTINE	Why, she hath not writ to me?

SPEED	What need she, when she hath made you write to
	yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?

VALENTINE	No, believe me.

SPEED	No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive
	her earnest?

VALENTINE	She gave me none, except an angry word.

SPEED	Why, she hath given you a letter.

VALENTINE	That's the letter I writ to her friend.

SPEED	And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.

VALENTINE	I would it were no worse.

SPEED	I'll warrant you, 'tis as well:
	For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty,
	Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
	Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
	Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
	All this I speak in print, for in print I found it.
	Why muse you, sir? 'tis dinner-time.

VALENTINE	I have dined.

SPEED	Ay, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon Love can
	feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my
	victuals, and would fain have meat. O, be not like
	your mistress; be moved, be moved.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE II	Verona. JULIA'S house.


	[Enter PROTEUS and JULIA]

PROTEUS	Have patience, gentle Julia.

JULIA	I must, where is no remedy.

PROTEUS	When possibly I can, I will return.

JULIA	If you turn not, you will return the sooner.
	Keep this remembrance for thy Julia's sake.

	[Giving a ring]

PROTEUS	Why then, we'll make exchange; here, take you this.

JULIA	And seal the bargain with a holy kiss.

PROTEUS	Here is my hand for my true constancy;
	And when that hour o'erslips me in the day
	Wherein I sigh not, Julia, for thy sake,
	The next ensuing hour some foul mischance
	Torment me for my love's forgetfulness!
	My father stays my coming; answer not;
	The tide is now: nay, not thy tide of tears;
	That tide will stay me longer than I should.
	Julia, farewell!

	[Exit JULIA]

	What, gone without a word?
	Ay, so true love should do: it cannot speak;
	For truth hath better deeds than words to grace it.

	[Enter PANTHINO]

PANTHINO	Sir Proteus, you are stay'd for.

PROTEUS	Go; I come, I come.
	Alas! this parting strikes poor lovers dumb.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE III	The same. A street.


	[Enter LAUNCE, leading a dog]

LAUNCE	Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping;
	all the kind of the Launces have this very fault. I
	have received my proportion, like the prodigious
	son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial's
	court. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest-natured
	dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father
	wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat
	wringing her hands, and all our house in a great
	perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed
	one tear: he is a stone, a very pebble stone, and
	has no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would have
	wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam,
	having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my
	parting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it. This
	shoe is my father: no, this left shoe is my father:
	no, no, this left shoe is my mother: nay, that
	cannot be so neither: yes, it is so, it is so, it
	hath the worser sole. This shoe, with the hole in
	it, is my mother, and this my father; a vengeance
	on't! there 'tis: now, sit, this staff is my
	sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and
	as small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid: I
	am the dog: no, the dog is himself, and I am the
	dog--Oh! the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so,
	so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing:
	now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping:
	now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on. Now
	come I to my mother: O, that she could speak now
	like a wood woman! Well, I kiss her; why, there
	'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down. Now
	come I to my sister; mark the moan she makes. Now
	the dog all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a
	word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.

	[Enter PANTHINO]

PANTHINO	Launce, away, away, aboard! thy master is shipped
	and thou art to post after with oars. What's the
	matter? why weepest thou, man? Away, ass! You'll
	lose the tide, if you tarry any longer.

LAUNCE	It is no matter if the tied were lost; for it is the
	unkindest tied that ever any man tied.

PANTHINO	What's the unkindest tide?

LAUNCE	Why, he that's tied here, Crab, my dog.

PANTHINO	Tut, man, I mean thou'lt lose the flood, and, in
	losing the flood, lose thy voyage, and, in losing
	thy voyage, lose thy master, and, in losing thy
	master, lose thy service, and, in losing thy
	service,--Why dost thou stop my mouth?

LAUNCE	For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.

PANTHINO	Where should I lose my tongue?

LAUNCE	In thy tale.

PANTHINO	In thy tail!

LAUNCE	Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and
	the service, and the tied! Why, man, if the river
	were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the
	wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.

PANTHINO	Come, come away, man; I was sent to call thee.

LAUNCE	Sir, call me what thou darest.

PANTHINO	Wilt thou go?

LAUNCE	Well, I will go.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE IV	Milan. The DUKE's palace.


	[Enter SILVIA, VALENTINE, THURIO, and SPEED]

SILVIA	Servant!

VALENTINE	Mistress?

SPEED	Master, Sir Thurio frowns on you.

VALENTINE	Ay, boy, it's for love.

SPEED	Not of you.

VALENTINE	Of my mistress, then.

SPEED	'Twere good you knocked him.

	[Exit]

SILVIA	Servant, you are sad.

VALENTINE	Indeed, madam, I seem so.

THURIO	Seem you that you are not?

VALENTINE	Haply I do.

THURIO	So do counterfeits.

VALENTINE	So do you.

THURIO	What seem I that I am not?

VALENTINE	Wise.

THURIO	What instance of the contrary?

VALENTINE	Your folly.

THURIO	And how quote you my folly?

VALENTINE	I quote it in your jerkin.

THURIO	My jerkin is a doublet.

VALENTINE	Well, then, I'll double your folly.

THURIO	How?

SILVIA	What, angry, Sir Thurio! do you change colour?

VALENTINE	Give him leave, madam; he is a kind of chameleon.

THURIO	That hath more mind to feed on your blood than live
	in your air.

VALENTINE	You have said, sir.

THURIO	Ay, sir, and done too, for this time.

VALENTINE	I know it well, sir; you always end ere you begin.

SILVIA	A fine volley of words, gentlemen, and quickly shot off.

VALENTINE	'Tis indeed, madam; we thank the giver.

SILVIA	Who is that, servant?

VALENTINE	Yourself, sweet lady; for you gave the fire. Sir
	Thurio borrows his wit from your ladyship's looks,
	and spends what he borrows kindly in your company.

THURIO	Sir, if you spend word for word with me, I shall
	make your wit bankrupt.

VALENTINE	I know it well, sir; you have an exchequer of words,
	and, I think, no other treasure to give your
	followers, for it appears by their bare liveries,
	that they live by your bare words.

SILVIA	No more, gentlemen, no more:--here comes my father.

	[Enter DUKE]

DUKE	Now, daughter Silvia, you are hard beset.
	Sir Valentine, your father's in good health:
	What say you to a letter from your friends
	Of much good news?

VALENTINE	                  My lord, I will be thankful.
	To any happy messenger from thence.

DUKE	Know ye Don Antonio, your countryman?

VALENTINE	Ay, my good lord, I know the gentleman
	To be of worth and worthy estimation
	And not without desert so well reputed.

DUKE	Hath he not a son?

VALENTINE	Ay, my good lord; a son that well deserves
	The honour and regard of such a father.

DUKE	You know him well?

VALENTINE	I know him as myself; for from our infancy
	We have conversed and spent our hours together:
	And though myself have been an idle truant,
	Omitting the sweet benefit of time
	To clothe mine age with angel-like perfection,
	Yet hath Sir Proteus, for that's his name,
	Made use and fair advantage of his days;
	His years but young, but his experience old;
	His head unmellow'd, but his judgment ripe;
	And, in a word, for far behind his worth
	Comes all the praises that I now bestow,
	He is complete in feature and in mind
	With all good grace to grace a gentleman.

DUKE	Beshrew me, sir, but if he make this good,
	He is as worthy for an empress' love
	As meet to be an emperor's counsellor.
	Well, sir, this gentleman is come to me,
	With commendation from great potentates;
	And here he means to spend his time awhile:
	I think 'tis no unwelcome news to you.

VALENTINE	Should I have wish'd a thing, it had been he.

DUKE	Welcome him then according to his worth.
	Silvia, I speak to you, and you, Sir Thurio;
	For Valentine, I need not cite him to it:
	I will send him hither to you presently.

	[Exit]

VALENTINE	This is the gentleman I told your ladyship
	Had come along with me, but that his mistress
	Did hold his eyes lock'd in her crystal looks.

SILVIA	Belike that now she hath enfranchised them
	Upon some other pawn for fealty.

VALENTINE	Nay, sure, I think she holds them prisoners still.

SILVIA	Nay, then he should be blind; and, being blind
	How could he see his way to seek out you?

VALENTINE	Why, lady, Love hath twenty pair of eyes.

THURIO	They say that Love hath not an eye at all.

VALENTINE	To see such lovers, Thurio, as yourself:
	Upon a homely object Love can wink.

SILVIA	Have done, have done; here comes the gentleman.

	[Exit THURIO]

	[Enter PROTEUS]

VALENTINE	Welcome, dear Proteus! Mistress, I beseech you,
	Confirm his welcome with some special favour.

SILVIA	His worth is warrant for his welcome hither,
	If this be he you oft have wish'd to hear from.

VALENTINE	Mistress, it is: sweet lady, entertain him
	To be my fellow-servant to your ladyship.

SILVIA	Too low a mistress for so high a servant.

PROTEUS	Not so, sweet lady: but too mean a servant
	To have a look of such a worthy mistress.

VALENTINE	Leave off discourse of disability:
	Sweet lady, entertain him for your servant.

PROTEUS	My duty will I boast of; nothing else.

SILVIA	And duty never yet did want his meed:
	Servant, you are welcome to a worthless mistress.

PROTEUS	I'll die on him that says so but yourself.

SILVIA	That you are welcome?

PROTEUS	That you are worthless.

	[Re-enter THURIO]

THURIO	Madam, my lord your father would speak with you.

SILVIA	I wait upon his pleasure. Come, Sir Thurio,
	Go with me. Once more, new servant, welcome:
	I'll leave you to confer of home affairs;
	When you have done, we look to hear from you.

PROTEUS	We'll both attend upon your ladyship.

	[Exeunt SILVIA and THURIO]

VALENTINE	Now, tell me, how do all from whence you came?

PROTEUS	Your friends are well and have them much commended.

VALENTINE	And how do yours?

PROTEUS	                  I left them all in health.

VALENTINE	How does your lady? and how thrives your love?

PROTEUS	My tales of love were wont to weary you;
	I know you joy not in a love discourse.

VALENTINE	Ay, Proteus, but that life is alter'd now:
	I have done penance for contemning Love,
	Whose high imperious thoughts have punish'd me
	With bitter fasts, with penitential groans,
	With nightly tears and daily heart-sore sighs;
	For in revenge of my contempt of love,
	Love hath chased sleep from my enthralled eyes
	And made them watchers of mine own heart's sorrow.
	O gentle Proteus, Love's a mighty lord,
	And hath so humbled me, as, I confess,
	There is no woe to his correction,
	Nor to his service no such joy on earth.
	Now no discourse, except it be of love;
	Now can I break my fast, dine, sup and sleep,
	Upon the very naked name of love.

PROTEUS	Enough; I read your fortune in your eye.
	Was this the idol that you worship so?

VALENTINE	Even she; and is she not a heavenly saint?

PROTEUS	No; but she is an earthly paragon.

VALENTINE	Call her divine.

PROTEUS	                  I will not flatter her.

VALENTINE	O, flatter me; for love delights in praises.

PROTEUS	When I was sick, you gave me bitter pills,
	And I must minister the like to you.

VALENTINE	Then speak the truth by her; if not divine,
	Yet let her be a principality,
	Sovereign to all the creatures on the earth.

PROTEUS	Except my mistress.

VALENTINE	Sweet, except not any;
	Except thou wilt except against my love.

PROTEUS	Have I not reason to prefer mine own?

VALENTINE	And I will help thee to prefer her too:
	She shall be dignified with this high honour--
	To bear my lady's train, lest the base earth
	Should from her vesture chance to steal a kiss
	And, of so great a favour growing proud,
	Disdain to root the summer-swelling flower
	And make rough winter everlastingly.

PROTEUS	Why, Valentine, what braggardism is this?

VALENTINE	Pardon me, Proteus: all I can is nothing
	To her whose worth makes other worthies nothing;
	She is alone.

PROTEUS	                  Then let her alone.

VALENTINE	Not for the world: why, man, she is mine own,
	And I as rich in having such a jewel
	As twenty seas, if all their sand were pearl,
	The water nectar and the rocks pure gold.
	Forgive me that I do not dream on thee,
	Because thou see'st me dote upon my love.
	My foolish rival, that her father likes
	Only for his possessions are so huge,
	Is gone with her along, and I must after,
	For love, thou know'st, is full of jealousy.

PROTEUS	But she loves you?

VALENTINE	Ay, and we are betroth'd: nay, more, our,
	marriage-hour,
	With all the cunning manner of our flight,
	Determined of; how I must climb her window,
	The ladder made of cords, and all the means
	Plotted and 'greed on for my happiness.
	Good Proteus, go with me to my chamber,
	In these affairs to aid me with thy counsel.

PROTEUS	Go on before; I shall inquire you forth:
	I must unto the road, to disembark
	Some necessaries that I needs must use,
	And then I'll presently attend you.

VALENTINE	Will you make haste?

PROTEUS	I will.

	[Exit VALENTINE]

	Even as one heat another heat expels,
	Or as one nail by strength drives out another,
	So the remembrance of my former love
	Is by a newer object quite forgotten.
	Is it mine, or Valentine's praise,
	Her true perfection, or my false transgression,
	That makes me reasonless to reason thus?
	She is fair; and so is Julia that I love--
	That I did love, for now my love is thaw'd;
	Which, like a waxen image, 'gainst a fire,
	Bears no impression of the thing it was.
	Methinks my zeal to Valentine is cold,
	And that I love him not as I was wont.
	O, but I love his lady too too much,
	And that's the reason I love him so little.
	How shall I dote on her with more advice,
	That thus without advice begin to love her!
	'Tis but her picture I have yet beheld,
	And that hath dazzled my reason's light;
	But when I look on her perfections,
	There is no reason but I shall be blind.
	If I can cheque my erring love, I will;
	If not, to compass her I'll use my skill.

	[Exit]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE V	The same. A street.


	[Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally]

SPEED	Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!

LAUNCE	Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not
	welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never
	undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a
	place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess
	say 'Welcome!'

SPEED	Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you
	presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou
	shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how
	did thy master part with Madam Julia?

LAUNCE	Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very
	fairly in jest.

SPEED	But shall she marry him?

LAUNCE	No.

SPEED	How then? shall he marry her?

LAUNCE	No, neither.

SPEED	What, are they broken?

LAUNCE	No, they are both as whole as a fish.

SPEED	Why, then, how stands the matter with them?

LAUNCE	Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it
	stands well with her.

SPEED	What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.

LAUNCE	What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My
	staff understands me.

SPEED	What thou sayest?

LAUNCE	Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean,
	and my staff understands me.

SPEED	It stands under thee, indeed.

LAUNCE	Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.

SPEED	But tell me true, will't be a match?

LAUNCE	Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no,
	it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.

SPEED	The conclusion is then that it will.

LAUNCE	Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.

SPEED	'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest
	thou, that my master is become a notable lover?

LAUNCE	I never knew him otherwise.

SPEED	Than how?

LAUNCE	A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.

SPEED	Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.

LAUNCE	Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.

SPEED	I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.

LAUNCE	Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself
	in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse;
	if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the
	name of a Christian.

SPEED	Why?

LAUNCE	Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to
	go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?

SPEED	At thy service.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE VI	The same. The DUKE'S palace.


	[Enter PROTEUS]

PROTEUS	To leave my Julia, shall I be forsworn;
	To love fair Silvia, shall I be forsworn;
	To wrong my friend, I shall be much forsworn;
	And even that power which gave me first my oath
	Provokes me to this threefold perjury;
	Love bade me swear and Love bids me forswear.
	O sweet-suggesting Love, if thou hast sinned,
	Teach me, thy tempted subject, to excuse it!
	At first I did adore a twinkling star,
	But now I worship a celestial sun.
	Unheedful vows may heedfully be broken,
	And he wants wit that wants resolved will
	To learn his wit to exchange the bad for better.
	Fie, fie, unreverend tongue! to call her bad,
	Whose sovereignty so oft thou hast preferr'd
	With twenty thousand soul-confirming oaths.
	I cannot leave to love, and yet I do;
	But there I leave to love where I should love.
	Julia I lose and Valentine I lose:
	If I keep them, I needs must lose myself;
	If I lose them, thus find I by their loss
	For Valentine myself, for Julia Silvia.
	I to myself am dearer than a friend,
	For love is still most precious in itself;
	And Silvia--witness Heaven, that made her fair!--
	Shows Julia but a swarthy Ethiope.
	I will forget that Julia is alive,
	Remembering that my love to her is dead;
	And Valentine I'll hold an enemy,
	Aiming at Silvia as a sweeter friend.
	I cannot now prove constant to myself,
	Without some treachery used to Valentine.
	This night he meaneth with a corded ladder
	To climb celestial Silvia's chamber-window,
	Myself in counsel, his competitor.
	Now presently I'll give her father notice
	Of their disguising and pretended flight;
	Who, all enraged, will banish Valentine;
	For Thurio, he intends, shall wed his daughter;
	But, Valentine being gone, I'll quickly cross
	By some sly trick blunt Thurio's dull proceeding.
	Love, lend me wings to make my purpose swift,
	As thou hast lent me wit to plot this drift!

	[Exit]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT II



SCENE VII	Verona. JULIA'S house.


	[Enter JULIA and LUCETTA]

JULIA	Counsel, Lucetta; gentle girl, assist me;
	And even in kind love I do conjure thee,
	Who art the table wherein all my thoughts
	Are visibly character'd and engraved,
	To lesson me and tell me some good mean
	How, with my honour, I may undertake
	A journey to my loving Proteus.

LUCETTA	Alas, the way is wearisome and long!

JULIA	A true-devoted pilgrim is not weary
	To measure kingdoms with his feeble steps;
	Much less shall she that hath Love's wings to fly,
	And when the flight is made to one so dear,
	Of such divine perfection, as Sir Proteus.

LUCETTA	Better forbear till Proteus make return.

JULIA	O, know'st thou not his looks are my soul's food?
	Pity the dearth that I have pined in,
	By longing for that food so long a time.
	Didst thou but know the inly touch of love,
	Thou wouldst as soon go kindle fire with snow
	As seek to quench the fire of love with words.

LUCETTA	I do not seek to quench your love's hot fire,
	But qualify the fire's extreme rage,
	Lest it should burn above the bounds of reason.

JULIA	The more thou damm'st it up, the more it burns.
	The current that with gentle murmur glides,
	Thou know'st, being stopp'd, impatiently doth rage;
	But when his fair course is not hindered,
	He makes sweet music with the enamell'ed stones,
	Giving a gentle kiss to every sedge
	He overtaketh in his pilgrimage,
	And so by many winding nooks he strays
	With willing sport to the wild ocean.
	Then let me go and hinder not my course
	I'll be as patient as a gentle stream
	And make a pastime of each weary step,
	Till the last step have brought me to my love;
	And there I'll rest, as after much turmoil
	A blessed soul doth in Elysium.

LUCETTA	But in what habit will you go along?

JULIA	Not like a woman; for I would prevent
	The loose encounters of lascivious men:
	Gentle Lucetta, fit me with such weeds
	As may beseem some well-reputed page.

LUCETTA	Why, then, your ladyship must cut your hair.

JULIA	No, girl, I'll knit it up in silken strings
	With twenty odd-conceited true-love knots.
	To be fantastic may become a youth
	Of greater time than I shall show to be.

LUCETTA	What fashion, madam shall I make your breeches?

JULIA	That fits as well as 'Tell me, good my lord,
	What compass will you wear your farthingale?'
	Why even what fashion thou best likest, Lucetta.

LUCETTA	You must needs have them with a codpiece, madam.

JULIA	Out, out, Lucetta! that would be ill-favour'd.

LUCETTA	A round hose, madam, now's not worth a pin,
	Unless you have a codpiece to stick pins on.

JULIA	Lucetta, as thou lovest me, let me have
	What thou thinkest meet and is most mannerly.
	But tell me, wench, how will the world repute me
	For undertaking so unstaid a journey?
	I fear me, it will make me scandalized.

LUCETTA	If you think so, then stay at home and go not.

JULIA	Nay, that I will not.

LUCETTA	Then never dream on infamy, but go.
	If Proteus like your journey when you come,
	No matter who's displeased when you are gone:
	I fear me, he will scarce be pleased withal.

JULIA	That is the least, Lucetta, of my fear:
	A thousand oaths, an ocean of his tears
	And instances of infinite of love
	Warrant me welcome to my Proteus.

LUCETTA	All these are servants to deceitful men.

JULIA	Base men, that use them to so base effect!
	But truer stars did govern Proteus' birth
	His words are bonds, his oaths are oracles,
	His love sincere, his thoughts immaculate,
	His tears pure messengers sent from his heart,
	His heart as far from fraud as heaven from earth.

LUCETTA	Pray heaven he prove so, when you come to him!

JULIA	Now, as thou lovest me, do him not that wrong
	To bear a hard opinion of his truth:
	Only deserve my love by loving him;
	And presently go with me to my chamber,
	To take a note of what I stand in need of,
	To furnish me upon my longing journey.
	All that is mine I leave at thy dispose,
	My goods, my lands, my reputation;
	Only, in lieu thereof, dispatch me hence.
	Come, answer not, but to it presently!
	I am impatient of my tarriance.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT III



SCENE I	Milan. The DUKE's palace.


	[Enter DUKE, THURIO, and PROTEUS]

DUKE	Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;
	We have some secrets to confer about.

	[Exit THURIO]

	Now, tell me, Proteus, what's your will with me?

PROTEUS	My gracious lord, that which I would discover
	The law of friendship bids me to conceal;
	But when I call to mind your gracious favours
	Done to me, undeserving as I am,
	My duty pricks me on to utter that
	Which else no worldly good should draw from me.
	Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine, my friend,
	This night intends to steal away your daughter:
	Myself am one made privy to the plot.
	I know you have determined to bestow her
	On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates;
	And should she thus be stol'n away from you,
	It would be much vexation to your age.
	Thus, for my duty's sake, I rather chose
	To cross my friend in his intended drift
	Than, by concealing it, heap on your head
	A pack of sorrows which would press you down,
	Being unprevented, to your timeless grave.

DUKE	Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care;
	Which to requite, command me while I live.
	This love of theirs myself have often seen,
	Haply when they have judged me fast asleep,
	And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
	Sir Valentine her company and my court:
	But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
	And so unworthily disgrace the man,
	A rashness that I ever yet have shunn'd,
	I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find
	That which thyself hast now disclosed to me.
	And, that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,
	Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,
	I nightly lodge her in an upper tower,
	The key whereof myself have ever kept;
	And thence she cannot be convey'd away.

PROTEUS	Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean
	How he her chamber-window will ascend
	And with a corded ladder fetch her down;
	For which the youthful lover now is gone
	And this way comes he with it presently;
	Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.
	But, good my Lord, do it so cunningly
	That my discovery be not aimed at;
	For love of you, not hate unto my friend,
	Hath made me publisher of this pretence.

DUKE	Upon mine honour, he shall never know
	That I had any light from thee of this.

PROTEUS	Adieu, my Lord; Sir Valentine is coming.

	[Exit]

	[Enter VALENTINE]

DUKE	Sir Valentine, whither away so fast?

VALENTINE	Please it your grace, there is a messenger
	That stays to bear my letters to my friends,
	And I am going to deliver them.

DUKE	Be they of much import?

VALENTINE	The tenor of them doth but signify
	My health and happy being at your court.

DUKE	Nay then, no matter; stay with me awhile;
	I am to break with thee of some affairs
	That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret.
	'Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
	To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.

VALENTINE	I know it well, my Lord; and, sure, the match
	Were rich and honourable; besides, the gentleman
	Is full of virtue, bounty, worth and qualities
	Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter:
	Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him?

DUKE	No, trust me; she is peevish, sullen, froward,
	Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,
	Neither regarding that she is my child
	Nor fearing me as if I were her father;
	And, may I say to thee, this pride of hers,
	Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her;
	And, where I thought the remnant of mine age
	Should have been cherish'd by her child-like duty,
	I now am full resolved to take a wife
	And turn her out to who will take her in:
	Then let her beauty be her wedding-dower;
	For me and my possessions she esteems not.

VALENTINE	What would your Grace have me to do in this?

DUKE	There is a lady in Verona here
	Whom I affect; but she is nice and coy
	And nought esteems my aged eloquence:
	Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor--
	For long agone I have forgot to court;
	Besides, the fashion of the time is changed--
	How and which way I may bestow myself
	To be regarded in her sun-bright eye.

VALENTINE	Win her with gifts, if she respect not words:
	Dumb jewels often in their silent kind
	More than quick words do move a woman's mind.

DUKE	But she did scorn a present that I sent her.

VALENTINE	A woman sometimes scorns what best contents her.
	Send her another; never give her o'er;
	For scorn at first makes after-love the more.
	If she do frown, 'tis not in hate of you,
	But rather to beget more love in you:
	If she do chide, 'tis not to have you gone;
	For why, the fools are mad, if left alone.
	Take no repulse, whatever she doth say;
	For 'get you gone,' she doth not mean 'away!'
	Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;
	Though ne'er so black, say they have angels' faces.
	That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man,
	If with his tongue he cannot win a woman.

DUKE	But she I mean is promised by her friends
	Unto a youthful gentleman of worth,
	And kept severely from resort of men,
	That no man hath access by day to her.

VALENTINE	Why, then, I would resort to her by night.

DUKE	Ay, but the doors be lock'd and keys kept safe,
	That no man hath recourse to her by night.

VALENTINE	What lets but one may enter at her window?

DUKE	Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground,
	And built so shelving that one cannot climb it
	Without apparent hazard of his life.

VALENTINE	Why then, a ladder quaintly made of cords,
	To cast up, with a pair of anchoring hooks,
	Would serve to scale another Hero's tower,
	So bold Leander would adventure it.

DUKE	Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood,
	Advise me where I may have such a ladder.

VALENTINE	When would you use it? pray, sir, tell me that.

DUKE	This very night; for Love is like a child,
	That longs for every thing that he can come by.

VALENTINE	By seven o'clock I'll get you such a ladder.

DUKE	But, hark thee; I will go to her alone:
	How shall I best convey the ladder thither?

VALENTINE	It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it
	Under a cloak that is of any length.

DUKE	A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn?

VALENTINE	Ay, my good lord.

DUKE	                  Then let me see thy cloak:
	I'll get me one of such another length.

VALENTINE	Why, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord.

DUKE	How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak?
	I pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me.
	What letter is this same? What's here? 'To Silvia'!
	And here an engine fit for my proceeding.
	I'll be so bold to break the seal for once.

	[Reads]

	'My thoughts do harbour with my Silvia nightly,
	And slaves they are to me that send them flying:
	O, could their master come and go as lightly,
	Himself would lodge where senseless they are lying!
	My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them:
	While I, their king, that hither them importune,
	Do curse the grace that with such grace hath bless'd them,
	Because myself do want my servants' fortune:
	I curse myself, for they are sent by me,
	That they should harbour where their lord would be.'
	What's here?
	'Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee.'
	'Tis so; and here's the ladder for the purpose.
	Why, Phaeton,--for thou art Merops' son,--
	Wilt thou aspire to guide the heavenly car
	And with thy daring folly burn the world?
	Wilt thou reach stars, because they shine on thee?
	Go, base intruder! overweening slave!
	Bestow thy fawning smiles on equal mates,
	And think my patience, more than thy desert,
	Is privilege for thy departure hence:
	Thank me for this more than for all the favours
	Which all too much I have bestow'd on thee.
	But if thou linger in my territories
	Longer than swiftest expedition
	Will give thee time to leave our royal court,
	By heaven! my wrath shall far exceed the love
	I ever bore my daughter or thyself.
	Be gone! I will not hear thy vain excuse;
	But, as thou lovest thy life, make speed from hence.

	[Exit]

VALENTINE	And why not death rather than living torment?
	To die is to be banish'd from myself;
	And Silvia is myself: banish'd from her
	Is self from self: a deadly banishment!
	What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
	What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
	Unless it be to think that she is by
	And feed upon the shadow of perfection
	Except I be by Silvia in the night,
	There is no music in the nightingale;
	Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
	There is no day for me to look upon;
	She is my essence, and I leave to be,
	If I be not by her fair influence
	Foster'd, illumined, cherish'd, kept alive.
	I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
	Tarry I here, I but attend on death:
	But, fly I hence, I fly away from life.

	[Enter PROTEUS and LAUNCE]

PROTEUS	Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out.

LAUNCE	Soho, soho!

PROTEUS	What seest thou?

LAUNCE	Him we go to find: there's not a hair on's head
	but 'tis a Valentine.

PROTEUS	Valentine?

VALENTINE	No.

PROTEUS	Who then? his spirit?

VALENTINE	Neither.

PROTEUS	What then?

VALENTINE	Nothing.

LAUNCE	Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?

PROTEUS	Who wouldst thou strike?

LAUNCE	Nothing.

PROTEUS	Villain, forbear.

LAUNCE	Why, sir, I'll strike nothing: I pray you,--

PROTEUS	Sirrah, I say, forbear. Friend Valentine, a word.

VALENTINE	My ears are stopt and cannot hear good news,
	So much of bad already hath possess'd them.

PROTEUS	Then in dumb silence will I bury mine,
	For they are harsh, untuneable and bad.

VALENTINE	Is Silvia dead?

PROTEUS	No, Valentine.

VALENTINE	No Valentine, indeed, for sacred Silvia.
	Hath she forsworn me?

PROTEUS	No, Valentine.

VALENTINE	No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me.
	What is your news?

LAUNCE	Sir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished.

PROTEUS	That thou art banished--O, that's the news!--
	From hence, from Silvia and from me thy friend.

VALENTINE	O, I have fed upon this woe already,
	And now excess of it will make me surfeit.
	Doth Silvia know that I am banished?

PROTEUS	Ay, ay; and she hath offer'd to the doom--
	Which, unreversed, stands in effectual force--
	A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears:
	Those at her father's churlish feet she tender'd;
	With them, upon her knees, her humble self;
	Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them
	As if but now they waxed pale for woe:
	But neither bended knees, pure hands held up,
	Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears,
	Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;
	But Valentine, if he be ta'en, must die.
	Besides, her intercession chafed him so,
	When she for thy repeal was suppliant,
	That to close prison he commanded her,
	With many bitter threats of biding there.

VALENTINE	No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st
	Have some malignant power upon my life:
	If so, I pray thee, breathe it in mine ear,
	As ending anthem of my endless dolour.

PROTEUS	Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
	And study help for that which thou lament'st.
	Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.
	Here if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love;
	Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.
	Hope is a lover's staff; walk hence with that
	And manage it against despairing thoughts.
	Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence;
	Which, being writ to me, shall be deliver'd
	Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.
	The time now serves not to expostulate:
	Come, I'll convey thee through the city-gate;
	And, ere I part with thee, confer at large
	Of all that may concern thy love-affairs.
	As thou lovest Silvia, though not for thyself,
	Regard thy danger, and along with me!

VALENTINE	I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy,
	Bid him make haste and meet me at the North-gate.

PROTEUS	Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine.

VALENTINE	O my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine!

	[Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS]

LAUNCE	I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to
	think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's
	all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now
	that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a
	team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who
	'tis I love; and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I
	will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milkmaid; yet
	'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet 'tis
	a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for
	wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel;
	which is much in a bare Christian.

	[Pulling out a paper]

	Here is the cate-log of her condition.
	'Imprimis: She can fetch and carry.' Why, a horse
	can do no more: nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only
	carry; therefore is she better than a jade. 'Item:
	She can milk;' look you, a sweet virtue in a maid
	with clean hands.

	[Enter SPEED]

SPEED	How now, Signior Launce! what news with your
	mastership?

LAUNCE	With my master's ship? why, it is at sea.

SPEED	Well, your old vice still; mistake the word. What
	news, then, in your paper?

LAUNCE	The blackest news that ever thou heardest.

SPEED	Why, man, how black?

LAUNCE	Why, as black as ink.

SPEED	Let me read them.

LAUNCE	Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read.

SPEED	Thou liest; I can.

LAUNCE	I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee?

SPEED	Marry, the son of my grandfather.

LAUNCE	O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy
	grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.

SPEED	Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.

LAUNCE	There; and St. Nicholas be thy speed!

SPEED	[Reads]  'Imprimis: She can milk.'

LAUNCE	Ay, that she can.

SPEED	'Item: She brews good ale.'

LAUNCE	And thereof comes the proverb: 'Blessing of your
	heart, you brew good ale.'

SPEED	'Item: She can sew.'

LAUNCE	That's as much as to say, Can she so?

SPEED	'Item: She can knit.'

LAUNCE	What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when
	she can knit him a stock?

SPEED	'Item: She can wash and scour.'

LAUNCE	A special virtue: for then she need not be washed
	and scoured.

SPEED	'Item: She can spin.'

LAUNCE	Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can
	spin for her living.

SPEED	'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.'

LAUNCE	That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that,
	indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names.

SPEED	'Here follow her vices.'

LAUNCE	Close at the heels of her virtues.

SPEED	'Item: She is not to be kissed fasting in respect
	of her breath.'

LAUNCE	Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on.

SPEED	'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.'

LAUNCE	That makes amends for her sour breath.

SPEED	'Item: She doth talk in her sleep.'

LAUNCE	It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

SPEED	'Item: She is slow in words.'

LAUNCE	O villain, that set this down among her vices! To
	be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray
	thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED	'Item: She is proud.'

LAUNCE	Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot
	be ta'en from her.

SPEED	'Item: She hath no teeth.'

LAUNCE	I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

SPEED	'Item: She is curst.'

LAUNCE	Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

SPEED	'Item: She will often praise her liquor.'

LAUNCE	If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I
	will; for good things should be praised.

SPEED	'Item: She is too liberal.'

LAUNCE	Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she
	is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that
	I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and
	that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

SPEED	'Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults
	than hairs, and more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE	Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not
	mine, twice or thrice in that last article.
	Rehearse that once more.

SPEED	'Item: She hath more hair than wit,'--

LAUNCE	More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The
	cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it
	is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit
	is more than the wit, for the greater hides the
	less. What's next?

SPEED	'And more faults than hairs,'--

LAUNCE	That's monstrous: O, that that were out!

SPEED	'And more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE	Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well,
	I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is
	impossible,--

SPEED	What then?

LAUNCE	Why, then will I tell thee--that thy master stays
	for thee at the North-gate.

SPEED	For me?

LAUNCE	For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a
	better man than thee.

SPEED	And must I go to him?

LAUNCE	Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long
	that going will scarce serve the turn.

SPEED	Why didst not tell me sooner? pox of your love letters!

	[Exit]

LAUNCE	Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an
	unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into
	secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.

	[Exit]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT III



SCENE II	The same. The DUKE's palace.


	[Enter DUKE and THURIO]

DUKE	Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you,
	Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.

THURIO	Since his exile she hath despised me most,
	Forsworn my company and rail'd at me,
	That I am desperate of obtaining her.

DUKE	This weak impress of love is as a figure
	Trenched in ice, which with an hour's heat
	Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.
	A little time will melt her frozen thoughts
	And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.

	[Enter PROTEUS]

	How now, Sir Proteus! Is your countryman
	According to our proclamation gone?

PROTEUS	Gone, my good lord.

DUKE	My daughter takes his going grievously.

PROTEUS	A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.

DUKE	So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.
	Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee--
	For thou hast shown some sign of good desert--
	Makes me the better to confer with thee.

PROTEUS	Longer than I prove loyal to your grace
	Let me not live to look upon your grace.

DUKE	Thou know'st how willingly I would effect
	The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter.

PROTEUS	I do, my lord.

DUKE	And also, I think, thou art not ignorant
	How she opposes her against my will

PROTEUS	She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.

DUKE	Ay, and perversely she persevers so.
	What might we do to make the girl forget
	The love of Valentine and love Sir Thurio?

PROTEUS	The best way is to slander Valentine
	With falsehood, cowardice and poor descent,
	Three things that women highly hold in hate.

DUKE	Ay, but she'll think that it is spoke in hate.

PROTEUS	Ay, if his enemy deliver it:
	Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken
	By one whom she esteemeth as his friend.

DUKE	Then you must undertake to slander him.

PROTEUS	And that, my lord, I shall be loath to do:
	'Tis an ill office for a gentleman,
	Especially against his very friend.

DUKE	Where your good word cannot advantage him,
	Your slander never can endamage him;
	Therefore the office is indifferent,
	Being entreated to it by your friend.

PROTEUS	You have prevail'd, my lord; if I can do it
	By ought that I can speak in his dispraise,
	She shall not long continue love to him.
	But say this weed her love from Valentine,
	It follows not that she will love Sir Thurio.

THURIO	Therefore, as you unwind her love from him,
	Lest it should ravel and be good to none,
	You must provide to bottom it on me;
	Which must be done by praising me as much
	As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine.

DUKE	And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind,
	Because we know, on Valentine's report,
	You are already Love's firm votary
	And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
	Upon this warrant shall you have access
	Where you with Silvia may confer at large;
	For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy,
	And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you;
	Where you may temper her by your persuasion
	To hate young Valentine and love my friend.

PROTEUS	As much as I can do, I will effect:
	But you, Sir Thurio, are not sharp enough;
	You must lay lime to tangle her desires
	By wailful sonnets, whose composed rhymes
	Should be full-fraught with serviceable vows.

DUKE	Ay,
	Much is the force of heaven-bred poesy.

PROTEUS	Say that upon the altar of her beauty
	You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart:
	Write till your ink be dry, and with your tears
	Moist it again, and frame some feeling line
	That may discover such integrity:
	For Orpheus' lute was strung with poets' sinews,
	Whose golden touch could soften steel and stones,
	Make tigers tame and huge leviathans
	Forsake unsounded deeps to dance on sands.
	After your dire-lamenting elegies,
	Visit by night your lady's chamber-window
	With some sweet concert; to their instruments
	Tune a deploring dump: the night's dead silence
	Will well become such sweet-complaining grievance.
	This, or else nothing, will inherit her.

DUKE	This discipline shows thou hast been in love.

THURIO	And thy advice this night I'll put in practise.
	Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver,
	Let us into the city presently
	To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in music.
	I have a sonnet that will serve the turn
	To give the onset to thy good advice.

DUKE	About it, gentlemen!

PROTEUS	We'll wait upon your grace till after supper,
	And afterward determine our proceedings.

DUKE	Even now about it! I will pardon you.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT IV



SCENE I	The frontiers of Mantua. A forest.


	[Enter certain Outlaws]

First Outlaw	Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger.

Second Outlaw	If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em.

	[Enter VALENTINE and SPEED]

Third Outlaw	Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about ye:
	If not: we'll make you sit and rifle you.

SPEED	Sir, we are undone; these are the villains
	That all the travellers do fear so much.

VALENTINE	My friends,--

First Outlaw	That's not so, sir: we are your enemies.

Second Outlaw	Peace! we'll hear him.

Third Outlaw	Ay, by my beard, will we, for he's a proper man.

VALENTINE	Then know that I have little wealth to lose:
	A man I am cross'd with adversity;
	My riches are these poor habiliments,
	Of which if you should here disfurnish me,
	You take the sum and substance that I have.

Second Outlaw	Whither travel you?

VALENTINE	To Verona.

First Outlaw	Whence came you?

VALENTINE	From Milan.

Third Outlaw	Have you long sojourned there?

VALENTINE	Some sixteen months, and longer might have stay'd,
	If crooked fortune had not thwarted me.

First Outlaw	What, were you banish'd thence?

VALENTINE	I was.

Second Outlaw	For what offence?

VALENTINE	For that which now torments me to rehearse:
	I kill'd a man, whose death I much repent;
	But yet I slew him manfully in fight,
	Without false vantage or base treachery.

First Outlaw	Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so.
	But were you banish'd for so small a fault?

VALENTINE	I was, and held me glad of such a doom.

Second Outlaw	Have you the tongues?

VALENTINE	My youthful travel therein made me happy,
	Or else I often had been miserable.

Third Outlaw	By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar,
	This fellow were a king for our wild faction!

First Outlaw	We'll have him. Sirs, a word.

SPEED	Master, be one of them; it's an honourable kind of thievery.

VALENTINE	Peace, villain!

Second Outlaw	Tell us this: have you any thing to take to?

VALENTINE	Nothing but my fortune.

Third Outlaw	Know, then, that some of us are gentlemen,
	Such as the fury of ungovern'd youth
	Thrust from the company of awful men:
	Myself was from Verona banished
	For practising to steal away a lady,
	An heir, and near allied unto the duke.

Second Outlaw	And I from Mantua, for a gentleman,
	Who, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heart.

First Outlaw	And I for such like petty crimes as these,
	But to the purpose--for we cite our faults,
	That they may hold excus'd our lawless lives;
	And partly, seeing you are beautified
	With goodly shape and by your own report
	A linguist and a man of such perfection
	As we do in our quality much want--

Second Outlaw	Indeed, because you are a banish'd man,
	Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you:
	Are you content to be our general?
	To make a virtue of necessity
	And live, as we do, in this wilderness?

Third Outlaw	What say'st thou? wilt thou be of our consort?
	Say ay, and be the captain of us all:
	We'll do thee homage and be ruled by thee,
	Love thee as our commander and our king.

First Outlaw	But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest.

Second Outlaw	Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd.

VALENTINE	I take your offer and will live with you,
	Provided that you do no outrages
	On silly women or poor passengers.

Third Outlaw	No, we detest such vile base practises.
	Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews,
	And show thee all the treasure we have got,
	Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT IV



SCENE II	Milan. Outside the DUKE's palace, under SILVIA's chamber.


	[Enter PROTEUS]

PROTEUS	Already have I been false to Valentine
	And now I must be as unjust to Thurio.
	Under the colour of commending him,
	I have access my own love to prefer:
	But Silvia is too fair, too true, too holy,
	To be corrupted with my worthless gifts.
	When I protest true loyalty to her,
	She twits me with my falsehood to my friend;
	When to her beauty I commend my vows,
	She bids me think how I have been forsworn
	In breaking faith with Julia whom I loved:
	And notwithstanding all her sudden quips,
	The least whereof would quell a lover's hope,
	Yet, spaniel-like, the more she spurns my love,
	The more it grows and fawneth on her still.
	But here comes Thurio: now must we to her window,
	And give some evening music to her ear.

	[Enter THURIO and Musicians]

THURIO	How now, Sir Proteus, are you crept before us?

PROTEUS	Ay, gentle Thurio: for you know that love
	Will creep in service where it cannot go.

THURIO	Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here.

PROTEUS	Sir, but I do; or else I would be hence.

THURIO	Who? Silvia?

PROTEUS	                  Ay, Silvia; for your sake.

THURIO	I thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen,
	Let's tune, and to it lustily awhile.

	[Enter, at a distance, Host, and JULIA in boy's clothes]

Host	Now, my young guest, methinks you're allycholly: I
	pray you, why is it?

JULIA	Marry, mine host, because I cannot be merry.

Host	Come, we'll have you merry: I'll bring you where
	you shall hear music and see the gentleman that you asked for.

JULIA	But shall I hear him speak?

Host	Ay, that you shall.

JULIA	That will be music.

	[Music plays]

Host	Hark, hark!

JULIA	Is he among these?

Host	Ay: but, peace! let's hear 'em.

	SONG.
	Who is Silvia? what is she,
	That all our swains commend her?
	Holy, fair and wise is she;
	The heaven such grace did lend her,
	That she might admired be.

	Is she kind as she is fair?
	For beauty lives with kindness.
	Love doth to her eyes repair,
	To help him of his blindness,
	And, being help'd, inhabits there.

	Then to Silvia let us sing,
	That Silvia is excelling;
	She excels each mortal thing
	Upon the dull earth dwelling:
	To her let us garlands bring.

Host	How now! are you sadder than you were before? How
	do you, man? the music likes you not.

JULIA	You mistake; the musician likes me not.

Host	Why, my pretty youth?

JULIA	He plays false, father.

Host	How? out of tune on the strings?

JULIA	Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very
	heart-strings.

Host	You have a quick ear.

JULIA	Ay, I would I were deaf; it makes me have a slow heart.

Host	I perceive you delight not in music.

JULIA	Not a whit, when it jars so.

Host	Hark, what fine change is in the music!

JULIA	Ay, that change is the spite.

Host	You would have them always play but one thing?

JULIA	I would always have one play but one thing.
	But, host, doth this Sir Proteus that we talk on
	Often resort unto this gentlewoman?

Host	I tell you what Launce, his man, told me: he loved
	her out of all nick.

JULIA	Where is Launce?

Host	Gone to seek his dog; which tomorrow, by his
	master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady.

JULIA	Peace! stand aside: the company parts.

PROTEUS	Sir Thurio, fear not you: I will so plead
	That you shall say my cunning drift excels.

THURIO	Where meet we?

PROTEUS	                  At Saint Gregory's well.

THURIO	Farewell.

	[Exeunt THURIO and Musicians]

	[Enter SILVIA above]

PROTEUS	Madam, good even to your ladyship.

SILVIA	I thank you for your music, gentlemen.
	Who is that that spake?

PROTEUS	One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's truth,
	You would quickly learn to know him by his voice.

SILVIA	Sir Proteus, as I take it.

PROTEUS	Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant.

SILVIA	What's your will?

PROTEUS	                  That I may compass yours.

SILVIA	You have your wish; my will is even this:
	That presently you hie you home to bed.
	Thou subtle, perjured, false, disloyal man!
	Think'st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless,
	To be seduced by thy flattery,
	That hast deceived so many with thy vows?
	Return, return, and make thy love amends.
	For me, by this pale queen of night I swear,
	I am so far from granting thy request
	That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit,
	And by and by intend to chide myself
	Even for this time I spend in talking to thee.

PROTEUS	I grant, sweet love, that I did love a lady;
	But she is dead.

JULIA	[Aside]        'Twere false, if I should speak it;
	For I am sure she is not buried.

SILVIA	Say that she be; yet Valentine thy friend
	Survives; to whom, thyself art witness,
	I am betroth'd: and art thou not ashamed
	To wrong him with thy importunacy?

PROTEUS	I likewise hear that Valentine is dead.

SILVIA	And so suppose am I; for in his grave
	Assure thyself my love is buried.

PROTEUS	Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth.

SILVIA	Go to thy lady's grave and call hers thence,
	Or, at the least, in hers sepulchre thine.

JULIA	[Aside]  He heard not that.

PROTEUS	Madam, if your heart be so obdurate,
	Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love,
	The picture that is hanging in your chamber;
	To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep:
	For since the substance of your perfect self
	Is else devoted, I am but a shadow;
	And to your shadow will I make true love.

JULIA	[Aside]  If 'twere a substance, you would, sure,
	deceive it,
	And make it but a shadow, as I am.

SILVIA	I am very loath to be your idol, sir;
	But since your falsehood shall become you well
	To worship shadows and adore false shapes,
	Send to me in the morning and I'll send it:
	And so, good rest.

PROTEUS	                  As wretches have o'ernight
	That wait for execution in the morn.

	[Exeunt PROTEUS and SILVIA severally]

JULIA	Host, will you go?

Host	By my halidom, I was fast asleep.

JULIA	Pray you, where lies Sir Proteus?

Host	Marry, at my house. Trust me, I think 'tis almost
	day.

JULIA	Not so; but it hath been the longest night
	That e'er I watch'd and the most heaviest.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT IV



SCENE III	The same.


	[Enter EGLAMOUR]

EGLAMOUR	This is the hour that Madam Silvia
	Entreated me to call and know her mind:
	There's some great matter she'ld employ me in.
	Madam, madam!

	[Enter SILVIA above]

SILVIA	                  Who calls?

EGLAMOUR	Your servant and your friend;
	One that attends your ladyship's command.

SILVIA	Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good morrow.

EGLAMOUR	As many, worthy lady, to yourself:
	According to your ladyship's impose,
	I am thus early come to know what service
	It is your pleasure to command me in.

SILVIA	O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman--
	Think not I flatter, for I swear I do not--
	Valiant, wise, remorseful, well accomplish'd:
	Thou art not ignorant what dear good will
	I bear unto the banish'd Valentine,
	Nor how my father would enforce me marry
	Vain Thurio, whom my very soul abhors.
	Thyself hast loved; and I have heard thee say
	No grief did ever come so near thy heart
	As when thy lady and thy true love died,
	Upon whose grave thou vow'dst pure chastity.
	Sir Eglamour, I would to Valentine,
	To Mantua, where I hear he makes abode;
	And, for the ways are dangerous to pass,
	I do desire thy worthy company,
	Upon whose faith and honour I repose.
	Urge not my father's anger, Eglamour,
	But think upon my grief, a lady's grief,
	And on the justice of my flying hence,
	To keep me from a most unholy match,
	Which heaven and fortune still rewards with plagues.
	I do desire thee, even from a heart
	As full of sorrows as the sea of sands,
	To bear me company and go with me:
	If not, to hide what I have said to thee,
	That I may venture to depart alone.

EGLAMOUR	Madam, I pity much your grievances;
	Which since I know they virtuously are placed,
	I give consent to go along with you,
	Recking as little what betideth me
	As much I wish all good befortune you.
	When will you go?

SILVIA	                  This evening coming.

EGLAMOUR	Where shall I meet you?

SILVIA	At Friar Patrick's cell,
	Where I intend holy confession.

EGLAMOUR	I will not fail your ladyship. Good morrow, gentle lady.

SILVIA	Good morrow, kind Sir Eglamour.

	[Exeunt severally]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT IV



SCENE IV	The same.


	[Enter LAUNCE, with his his Dog]

LAUNCE	When a man's servant shall play the cur with him,
	look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a
	puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or
	four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it.
	I have taught him, even as one would say precisely,
	'thus I would teach a dog.' I was sent to deliver
	him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master;
	and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he
	steps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg:
	O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself
	in all companies! I would have, as one should say,
	one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be,
	as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had
	more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did,
	I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I
	live, he had suffered for't; you shall judge. He
	thrusts me himself into the company of three or four
	gentlemanlike dogs under the duke's table: he had
	not been there--bless the mark!--a pissing while, but
	all the chamber smelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says
	one: 'What cur is that?' says another: 'Whip him
	out' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke.
	I, having been acquainted with the smell before,
	knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that
	whips the dogs: 'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip
	the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. 'You do him
	the more wrong,' quoth I; ''twas I did the thing you
	wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out
	of the chamber. How many masters would do this for
	his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the
	stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had
	been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese
	he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't.
	Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the
	trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam
	Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I
	do? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make
	water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst
	thou ever see me do such a trick?

	[Enter PROTEUS and JULIA]

PROTEUS	Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well
	And will employ thee in some service presently.

JULIA	In what you please: I'll do what I can.

PROTEUS	I hope thou wilt.

	[To LAUNCE]

	How now, you whoreson peasant!
	Where have you been these two days loitering?

LAUNCE	Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.

PROTEUS	And what says she to my little jewel?

LAUNCE	Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you
	currish thanks is good enough for such a present.

PROTEUS	But she received my dog?

LAUNCE	No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him
	back again.

PROTEUS	What, didst thou offer her this from me?

LAUNCE	Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by
	the hangman boys in the market-place: and then I
	offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of
	yours, and therefore the gift the greater.

PROTEUS	Go get thee hence, and find my dog again,
	Or ne'er return again into my sight.
	Away, I say! stay'st thou to vex me here?

	[Exit LAUNCE]

	A slave, that still an end turns me to shame!
	Sebastian, I have entertained thee,
	Partly that I have need of such a youth
	That can with some discretion do my business,
	For 'tis no trusting to yond foolish lout,
	But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,
	Which, if my augury deceive me not,
	Witness good bringing up, fortune and truth:
	Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee.
	Go presently and take this ring with thee,
	Deliver it to Madam Silvia:
	She loved me well deliver'd it to me.

JULIA	It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.
	She is dead, belike?

PROTEUS	Not so; I think she lives.

JULIA	Alas!

PROTEUS	Why dost thou cry 'alas'?

JULIA	I cannot choose
	But pity her.

PROTEUS	                  Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?

JULIA	Because methinks that she loved you as well
	As you do love your lady Silvia:
	She dreams of him that has forgot her love;
	You dote on her that cares not for your love.
	'Tis pity love should be so contrary;
	And thinking of it makes me cry 'alas!'

PROTEUS	Well, give her that ring and therewithal
	This letter. That's her chamber. Tell my lady
	I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
	Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
	Where thou shalt find me, sad and solitary.

	[Exit]

JULIA	How many women would do such a message?
	Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd
	A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
	Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him
	That with his very heart despiseth me?
	Because he loves her, he despiseth me;
	Because I love him I must pity him.
	This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
	To bind him to remember my good will;
	And now am I, unhappy messenger,
	To plead for that which I would not obtain,
	To carry that which I would have refused,
	To praise his faith which I would have dispraised.
	I am my master's true-confirmed love;
	But cannot be true servant to my master,
	Unless I prove false traitor to myself.
	Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly
	As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.

	[Enter SILVIA, attended]

	Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean
	To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.

SILVIA	What would you with her, if that I be she?

JULIA	If you be she, I do entreat your patience
	To hear me speak the message I am sent on.

SILVIA	From whom?

JULIA	From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.

SILVIA	O, he sends you for a picture.

JULIA	Ay, madam.

SILVIA	Ursula, bring my picture here.
	Go give your master this: tell him from me,
	One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
	Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.

JULIA	Madam, please you peruse this letter.--
	Pardon me, madam; I have unadvised
	Deliver'd you a paper that I should not:
	This is the letter to your ladyship.

SILVIA	I pray thee, let me look on that again.

JULIA	It may not be; good madam, pardon me.

SILVIA	There, hold!
	I will not look upon your master's lines:
	I know they are stuff'd with protestations
	And full of new-found oaths; which he will break
	As easily as I do tear his paper.

JULIA	Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.

SILVIA	The more shame for him that he sends it me;
	For I have heard him say a thousand times
	His Julia gave it him at his departure.
	Though his false finger have profaned the ring,
	Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.

JULIA	She thanks you.

SILVIA	What say'st thou?

JULIA	I thank you, madam, that you tender her.
	Poor gentlewoman! my master wrongs her much.

SILVIA	Dost thou know her?

JULIA	Almost as well as I do know myself:
	To think upon her woes I do protest
	That I have wept a hundred several times.

SILVIA	Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her.

JULIA	I think she doth; and that's her cause of sorrow.

SILVIA	Is she not passing fair?

JULIA	She hath been fairer, madam, than she is:
	When she did think my master loved her well,
	She, in my judgment, was as fair as you:
	But since she did neglect her looking-glass
	And threw her sun-expelling mask away,
	The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks
	And pinch'd the lily-tincture of her face,
	That now she is become as black as I.

SILVIA	How tall was she?

JULIA	About my stature; for at Pentecost,
	When all our pageants of delight were play'd,
	Our youth got me to play the woman's part,
	And I was trimm'd in Madam Julia's gown,
	Which served me as fit, by all men's judgments,
	As if the garment had been made for me:
	Therefore I know she is about my height.
	And at that time I made her weep agood,
	For I did play a lamentable part:
	Madam, 'twas Ariadne passioning
	For Theseus' perjury and unjust flight;
	Which I so lively acted with my tears
	That my poor mistress, moved therewithal,
	Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead
	If I in thought felt not her very sorrow!

SILVIA	She is beholding to thee, gentle youth.
	Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!
	I weep myself to think upon thy words.
	Here, youth, there is my purse; I give thee this
	For thy sweet mistress' sake, because thou lovest her.
	Farewell.

	[Exit SILVIA, with attendants]

JULIA	And she shall thank you for't, if e'er you know her.
	A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful
	I hope my master's suit will be but cold,
	Since she respects my mistress' love so much.
	Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
	Here is her picture: let me see; I think,
	If I had such a tire, this face of mine
	Were full as lovely as is this of hers:
	And yet the painter flatter'd her a little,
	Unless I flatter with myself too much.
	Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow:
	If that be all the difference in his love,
	I'll get me such a colour'd periwig.
	Her eyes are grey as glass, and so are mine:
	Ay, but her forehead's low, and mine's as high.
	What should it be that he respects in her
	But I can make respective in myself,
	If this fond Love were not a blinded god?
	Come, shadow, come and take this shadow up,
	For 'tis thy rival. O thou senseless form,
	Thou shalt be worshipp'd, kiss'd, loved and adored!
	And, were there sense in his idolatry,
	My substance should be statue in thy stead.
	I'll use thee kindly for thy mistress' sake,
	That used me so; or else, by Jove I vow,
	I should have scratch'd out your unseeing eyes
	To make my master out of love with thee!

	[Exit]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT V



SCENE I	Milan. An abbey.


	[Enter EGLAMOUR]

EGLAMOUR	The sun begins to gild the western sky;
	And now it is about the very hour
	That Silvia, at Friar Patrick's cell, should meet me.
	She will not fail, for lovers break not hours,
	Unless it be to come before their time;
	So much they spur their expedition.
	See where she comes.

	[Enter SILVIA]

		Lady, a happy evening!

SILVIA	Amen, amen! Go on, good Eglamour,
	Out at the postern by the abbey-wall:
	I fear I am attended by some spies.

EGLAMOUR	Fear not: the forest is not three leagues off;
	If we recover that, we are sure enough.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT V



SCENE II	The same. The DUKE's palace.


	[Enter THURIO, PROTEUS, and JULIA]

THURIO	Sir Proteus, what says Silvia to my suit?

PROTEUS	O, sir, I find her milder than she was;
	And yet she takes exceptions at your person.

THURIO	What, that my leg is too long?

PROTEUS	No; that it is too little.

THURIO	I'll wear a boot, to make it somewhat rounder.

JULIA	[Aside]  But love will not be spurr'd to what
	it loathes.

THURIO	What says she to my face?

PROTEUS	She says it is a fair one.

THURIO	Nay then, the wanton lies; my face is black.

PROTEUS	But pearls are fair; and the old saying is,
	Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies' eyes.

JULIA	[Aside]  'Tis true; such pearls as put out
	ladies' eyes;
	For I had rather wink than look on them.

THURIO	How likes she my discourse?

PROTEUS	Ill, when you talk of war.

THURIO	But well, when I discourse of love and peace?

JULIA	[Aside]  But better, indeed, when you hold your peace.

THURIO	What says she to my valour?

PROTEUS	O, sir, she makes no doubt of that.

JULIA	[Aside]  She needs not, when she knows it cowardice.

THURIO	What says she to my birth?

PROTEUS	That you are well derived.

JULIA	[Aside]  True; from a gentleman to a fool.

THURIO	Considers she my possessions?

PROTEUS	O, ay; and pities them.

THURIO	Wherefore?

JULIA	[Aside]  That such an ass should owe them.

PROTEUS	That they are out by lease.

JULIA	Here comes the duke.

	[Enter DUKE]

DUKE	How now, Sir Proteus! how now, Thurio!
	Which of you saw Sir Eglamour of late?

THURIO	Not I.

PROTEUS	     Nor I.

DUKE	          Saw you my daughter?

PROTEUS	Neither.

DUKE	Why then,
	She's fled unto that peasant Valentine;
	And Eglamour is in her company.
	'Tis true; for Friar Laurence met them both,
	As he in penance wander'd through the forest;
	Him he knew well, and guess'd that it was she,
	But, being mask'd, he was not sure of it;
	Besides, she did intend confession
	At Patrick's cell this even; and there she was not;
	These likelihoods confirm her flight from hence.
	Therefore, I pray you, stand not to discourse,
	But mount you presently and meet with me
	Upon the rising of the mountain-foot
	That leads towards Mantua, whither they are fled:
	Dispatch, sweet gentlemen, and follow me.

	[Exit]

THURIO	Why, this it is to be a peevish girl,
	That flies her fortune when it follows her.
	I'll after, more to be revenged on Eglamour
	Than for the love of reckless Silvia.

	[Exit]

PROTEUS	And I will follow, more for Silvia's love
	Than hate of Eglamour that goes with her.

	[Exit]

JULIA	And I will follow, more to cross that love
	Than hate for Silvia that is gone for love.

	[Exit]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT V



SCENE III	The frontiers of Mantua. The forest.


	[Enter Outlaws with SILVIA]

First Outlaw	Come, come,
	Be patient; we must bring you to our captain.

SILVIA	A thousand more mischances than this one
	Have learn'd me how to brook this patiently.

Second Outlaw	Come, bring her away.

First Outlaw	Where is the gentleman that was with her?

Third Outlaw	Being nimble-footed, he hath outrun us,
	But Moyses and Valerius follow him.
	Go thou with her to the west end of the wood;
	There is our captain: we'll follow him that's fled;
	The thicket is beset; he cannot 'scape.

First Outlaw	Come, I must bring you to our captain's cave:
	Fear not; he bears an honourable mind,
	And will not use a woman lawlessly.

SILVIA	O Valentine, this I endure for thee!

	[Exeunt]




	THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA


ACT V



SCENE IV	Another part of the forest.


	[Enter VALENTINE]

VALENTINE	How use doth breed a habit in a man!
	This shadowy desert, unfrequented woods,
	I better brook than flourishing peopled towns:
	Here can I sit alone, unseen of any,
	And to the nightingale's complaining notes
	Tune my distresses and record my woes.
	O thou that dost inhabit in my breast,
	Leave not the mansion so long tenantless,
	Lest, growing ruinous, the building fall
	And leave no memory of what it was!
	Repair me with thy presence, Silvia;
	Thou gentle nymph, cherish thy forlorn swain!
	What halloing and what stir is this to-day?
	These are my mates, that make their wills their law,
	Have some unhappy passenger in chase.
	They love me well; yet I have much to do
	To keep them from uncivil outrages.
	Withdraw thee, Valentine: who's this comes here?

	[Enter PROTEUS, SILVIA, and JULIA]

PROTEUS	Madam, this service I have done for you,
	Though you respect not aught your servant doth,
	To hazard life and rescue you from him
	That would have forced your honour and your love;
	Vouchsafe me, for my meed, but one fair look;
	A smaller boon than this I cannot beg
	And less than this, I am sure, you cannot give.

VALENTINE	[Aside]  How like a dream is this I see and hear!
	Love, lend me patience to forbear awhile.

SILVIA	O miserable, unhappy that I am!

PROTEUS	Unhappy were you, madam, ere I came;
	But by my coming I have made you happy.

SILVIA	By thy approach thou makest me most unhappy.

JULIA	[Aside]  And me, when he approacheth to your presence.

SILVIA	Had I been seized by a hungry lion,
	I would have been a breakfast to the beast,
	Rather than have false Proteus rescue me.
	O, Heaven be judge how I love Valentine,
	Whose life's as tender to me as my soul!
	And full as much, for more there cannot be,
	I do detest false perjured Proteus.
	Therefore be gone; solicit me no more.

PROTEUS	What dangerous action, stood it next to death,
	Would I not undergo for one calm look!
	O, 'tis the curse in love, and still approved,
	When women cannot love where they're beloved!

SILVIA	When Proteus cannot love where he's beloved.
	Read over Julia's heart, thy first best love,
	For whose dear sake thou didst then rend thy faith
	Into a thousand oaths; and all those oaths
	Descended into perjury, to love me.
	Thou hast no faith left now, unless thou'dst two;
	And that's far worse than none; better have none
	Than plural faith which is too much by one:
	Thou counterfeit to thy true friend!

PROTEUS	In love
	Who respects friend?

SILVIA	All men but Proteus.

PROTEUS	Nay, if the gentle spirit of moving words
	Can no way change you to a milder form,
	I'll woo you like a soldier, at arms' end,
	And love you 'gainst the nature of love,--force ye.

SILVIA	O heaven!

PROTEUS	        I'll force thee yield to my desire.

VALENTINE	Ruffian, let go that rude uncivil touch,
	Thou friend of an ill fashion!

PROTEUS	Valentine!

VALENTINE	Thou common friend, that's without faith or love,
	For such is a friend now; treacherous man!
	Thou hast beguiled my hopes; nought but mine eye
	Could have persuaded me: now I dare not say
	I have one friend alive; thou wouldst disprove me.
	Who should be trusted, when one's own right hand
	Is perjured to the bosom? Proteus,
	I am sorry I must never trust thee more,
	But count the world a stranger for thy sake.
	The private wound is deepest: O time most accurst,
	'Mongst all foes that a friend should be the worst!

PROTEUS	My shame and guilt confounds me.
	Forgive me, Valentine: if hearty sorrow
	Be a sufficient ransom for offence,
	I tender 't here; I do as truly suffer
	As e'er I did commit.

VALENTINE	Then I am paid;
	And once again I do receive thee honest.
	Who by repentance is not satisfied
	Is nor of heaven nor earth, for these are pleased.
	By penitence the Eternal's wrath's appeased:
	And, that my love may appear plain and free,
	All that was mine in Silvia I give thee.

JULIA	O me unhappy!

	[Swoons]

PROTEUS	Look to the boy.

VALENTINE	Why, boy! why, wag! how now! what's the matter?
	Look up; speak.

JULIA	O good sir, my master charged me to deliver a ring
	to Madam Silvia, which, out of my neglect, was never done.

PROTEUS	Where is that ring, boy?

JULIA	Here 'tis; this is it.

PROTEUS	How! let me see:
	Why, this is the ring I gave to Julia.

JULIA	O, cry you mercy, sir, I have mistook:
	This is the ring you sent to Silvia.

PROTEUS	But how camest thou by this ring? At my depart
	I gave this unto Julia.

JULIA	And Julia herself did give it me;
	And Julia herself hath brought it hither.

PROTEUS	How! Julia!

JULIA	Behold her that gave aim to all thy oaths,
	And entertain'd 'em deeply in her heart.
	How oft hast thou with perjury cleft the root!
	O Proteus, let this habit make thee blush!
	Be thou ashamed that I have took upon me
	Such an immodest raiment, if shame live
	In a disguise of love:
	It is the lesser blot, modesty finds,
	Women to change their shapes than men their minds.

PROTEUS	Than men their minds! 'tis true.
	O heaven! were man
	But constant, he were perfect. That one error
	Fills him with faults; makes him run through all the sins:
	Inconstancy falls off ere it begins.
	What is in Silvia's face, but I may spy
	More fresh in Julia's with a constant eye?

VALENTINE	Come, come, a hand from either:
	Let me be blest to make this happy close;
	'Twere pity two such friends should be long foes.

PROTEUS	Bear witness, Heaven, I have my wish for ever.

JULIA	And I mine.

	[Enter Outlaws, with DUKE and THURIO]

Outlaws	A prize, a prize, a prize!

VALENTINE	Forbear, forbear, I say! it is my lord the duke.
	Your grace is welcome to a man disgraced,
	Banished Valentine.

DUKE	Sir Valentine!

THURIO	Yonder is Silvia; and Silvia's mine.

VALENTINE	Thurio, give back, or else embrace thy death;
	Come not within the measure of my wrath;
	Do not name Silvia thine; if once again,
	Verona shall not hold thee. Here she stands;
	Take but possession of her with a touch:
	I dare thee but to breathe upon my love.

THURIO	Sir Valentine, I care not for her, I;
	I hold him but a fool that will endanger
	His body for a girl that loves him not:
	I claim her not, and therefore she is thine.

DUKE	The more degenerate and base art thou,
	To make such means for her as thou hast done
	And leave her on such slight conditions.
	Now, by the honour of my ancestry,
	I do applaud thy spirit, Valentine,
	And think thee worthy of an empress' love:
	Know then, I here forget all former griefs,
	Cancel all grudge, repeal thee home again,
	Plead a new state in thy unrivall'd merit,
	To which I thus subscribe: Sir Valentine,
	Thou art a gentleman and well derived;
	Take thou thy Silvia, for thou hast deserved her.

VALENTINE	I thank your grace; the gift hath made me happy.
	I now beseech you, for your daughter's sake,
	To grant one boom that I shall ask of you.

DUKE	I grant it, for thine own, whate'er it be.

VALENTINE	These banish'd men that I have kept withal
	Are men endued with worthy qualities:
	Forgive them what they have committed here
	And let them be recall'd from their exile:
	They are reformed, civil, full of good
	And fit for great employment, worthy lord.

DUKE	Thou hast prevail'd; I pardon them and thee:
	Dispose of them as thou know'st their deserts.
	Come, let us go: we will include all jars
	With triumphs, mirth and rare solemnity.

VALENTINE	And, as we walk along, I dare be bold
	With our discourse to make your grace to smile.
	What think you of this page, my lord?

DUKE	I think the boy hath grace in him; he blushes.

VALENTINE	I warrant you, my lord, more grace than boy.

DUKE	What mean you by that saying?

VALENTINE	Please you, I'll tell you as we pass along,
	That you will wonder what hath fortuned.
	Come, Proteus; 'tis your penance but to hear
	The story of your loves discovered:
	That done, our day of marriage shall be yours;
	One feast, one house, one mutual happiness.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


	A Lord.		|
			|
CHRISTOPHER SLY	a tinker. (SLY:)		|  Persons in
			|  the Induction.
	Hostess, Page, Players,	|
	Huntsmen, and Servants.	|
	(Hostess:)
	(Page:)
	(A Player:)
	(First Huntsman:)
	(Second Huntsman:)
	(Messenger:)
	(First Servant:)
	(Second Servant:)
	(Third Servant:)


BAPTISTA	a rich gentleman of Padua.

VINCENTIO	an old gentleman of Pisa.

LUCENTIO	son to Vincentio, in love with Bianca.

PETRUCHIO	a gentleman of Verona, a suitor to
	Katharina.


GREMIO	|
	| suitors to Bianca.
HORTENSIO	|


TRANIO	|
	| servants to Lucentio.
BIONDELLO	|


GRUMIO	|
	|
CURTIS	|
	|
NATHANIEL	|
	|
NICHOLAS	|  servants to Petruchio.
	|
JOSEPH	|
	|
PHILIP	|
	|
PETER	|

	A Pedant.


KATHARINA the shrew,	|
		| daughters to Baptista.
BIANCA		|

	Widow.

	Tailor, Haberdasher, and Servants attending
	on Baptista and Petruchio.
	(Tailor:)
	(Haberdasher:)
	(First Servant:)


SCENE	Padua, and Petruchio's country house.




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

	INDUCTION



SCENE I	Before an alehouse on a heath.


	[Enter Hostess and SLY]

SLY	I'll pheeze you, in faith.

Hostess	A pair of stocks, you rogue!

SLY	Ye are a baggage: the Slys are no rogues; look in
	the chronicles; we came in with Richard Conqueror.
	Therefore paucas pallabris; let the world slide: sessa!

Hostess	You will not pay for the glasses you have burst?

SLY	No, not a denier. Go by, Jeronimy: go to thy cold
	bed, and warm thee.

Hostess	I know my remedy; I must go fetch the
	third--borough.

	[Exit]

SLY	Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I'll answer him
	by law: I'll not budge an inch, boy: let him come,
	and kindly.

	[Falls asleep]

	[Horns winded. Enter a Lord from hunting, with his train]

Lord	Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my hounds:
	Brach Merriman, the poor cur is emboss'd;
	And couple Clowder with the deep--mouth'd brach.
	Saw'st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good
	At the hedge-corner, in the coldest fault?
	I would not lose the dog for twenty pound.

First Huntsman	Why, Belman is as good as he, my lord;
	He cried upon it at the merest loss
	And twice to-day pick'd out the dullest scent:
	Trust me, I take him for the better dog.

Lord	Thou art a fool: if Echo were as fleet,
	I would esteem him worth a dozen such.
	But sup them well and look unto them all:
	To-morrow I intend to hunt again.

First Huntsman	I will, my lord.

Lord	What's here? one dead, or drunk? See, doth he breathe?

Second Huntsman	He breathes, my lord. Were he not warm'd with ale,
	This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.

Lord	O monstrous beast! how like a swine he lies!
	Grim death, how foul and loathsome is thine image!
	Sirs, I will practise on this drunken man.
	What think you, if he were convey'd to bed,
	Wrapp'd in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers,
	A most delicious banquet by his bed,
	And brave attendants near him when he wakes,
	Would not the beggar then forget himself?

First Huntsman	Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose.

Second Huntsman	It would seem strange unto him when he waked.

Lord	Even as a flattering dream or worthless fancy.
	Then take him up and manage well the jest:
	Carry him gently to my fairest chamber
	And hang it round with all my wanton pictures:
	Balm his foul head in warm distilled waters
	And burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet:
	Procure me music ready when he wakes,
	To make a dulcet and a heavenly sound;
	And if he chance to speak, be ready straight
	And with a low submissive reverence
	Say 'What is it your honour will command?'
	Let one attend him with a silver basin
	Full of rose-water and bestrew'd with flowers,
	Another bear the ewer, the third a diaper,
	And say 'Will't please your lordship cool your hands?'
	Some one be ready with a costly suit
	And ask him what apparel he will wear;
	Another tell him of his hounds and horse,
	And that his lady mourns at his disease:
	Persuade him that he hath been lunatic;
	And when he says he is, say that he dreams,
	For he is nothing but a mighty lord.
	This do and do it kindly, gentle sirs:
	It will be pastime passing excellent,
	If it be husbanded with modesty.

First Huntsman	My lord, I warrant you we will play our part,
	As he shall think by our true diligence
	He is no less than what we say he is.

Lord	Take him up gently and to bed with him;
	And each one to his office when he wakes.

	[Some bear out SLY. A trumpet sounds]

	Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds:

	[Exit Servingman]

	Belike, some noble gentleman that means,
	Travelling some journey, to repose him here.

	[Re-enter Servingman]

	How now! who is it?

Servant	An't please your honour, players
	That offer service to your lordship.

Lord	Bid them come near.

	[Enter Players]

	Now, fellows, you are welcome.

Players	We thank your honour.

Lord	Do you intend to stay with me tonight?

A Player	So please your lordship to accept our duty.

Lord	With all my heart. This fellow I remember,
	Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest son:
	'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well:
	I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part
	Was aptly fitted and naturally perform'd.

A Player	I think 'twas Soto that your honour means.

Lord	'Tis very true: thou didst it excellent.
	Well, you are come to me in a happy time;
	The rather for I have some sport in hand
	Wherein your cunning can assist me much.
	There is a lord will hear you play to-night:
	But I am doubtful of your modesties;
	Lest over-eyeing of his odd behavior,--
	For yet his honour never heard a play--
	You break into some merry passion
	And so offend him; for I tell you, sirs,
	If you should smile he grows impatient.

A Player	Fear not, my lord: we can contain ourselves,
	Were he the veriest antic in the world.

Lord	Go, sirrah, take them to the buttery,
	And give them friendly welcome every one:
	Let them want nothing that my house affords.

	[Exit one with the Players]

	Sirrah, go you to Barthol'mew my page,
	And see him dress'd in all suits like a lady:
	That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber;
	And call him 'madam,' do him obeisance.
	Tell him from me, as he will win my love,
	He bear himself with honourable action,
	Such as he hath observed in noble ladies
	Unto their lords, by them accomplished:
	Such duty to the drunkard let him do
	With soft low tongue and lowly courtesy,
	And say 'What is't your honour will command,
	Wherein your lady and your humble wife
	May show her duty and make known her love?'
	And then with kind embracements, tempting kisses,
	And with declining head into his bosom,
	Bid him shed tears, as being overjoy'd
	To see her noble lord restored to health,
	Who for this seven years hath esteem'd him
	No better than a poor and loathsome beggar:
	And if the boy have not a woman's gift
	To rain a shower of commanded tears,
	An onion will do well for such a shift,
	Which in a napkin being close convey'd
	Shall in despite enforce a watery eye.
	See this dispatch'd with all the haste thou canst:
	Anon I'll give thee more instructions.

	[Exit a Servingman]

	I know the boy will well usurp the grace,
	Voice, gait and action of a gentlewoman:
	I long to hear him call the drunkard husband,
	And how my men will stay themselves from laughter
	When they do homage to this simple peasant.
	I'll in to counsel them; haply my presence
	May well abate the over-merry spleen
	Which otherwise would grow into extremes.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

	INDUCTION



SCENE II	A bedchamber in the Lord's house.


	[Enter aloft SLY, with Attendants; some with apparel,
	others with basin and ewer and appurtenances; and Lord]

SLY	For God's sake, a pot of small ale.

First Servant	Will't please your lordship drink a cup of sack?

Second Servant	Will't please your honour taste of these conserves?

Third Servant	What raiment will your honour wear to-day?

SLY	I am Christophero Sly; call not me 'honour' nor
	'lordship:' I ne'er drank sack in my life; and if
	you give me any conserves, give me conserves of
	beef: ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear; for I
	have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings
	than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay,
	sometimes more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my
	toes look through the over-leather.

Lord	Heaven cease this idle humour in your honour!
	O, that a mighty man of such descent,
	Of such possessions and so high esteem,
	Should be infused with so foul a spirit!

SLY	What, would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher
	Sly, old Sly's son of Burtonheath, by birth a
	pedlar, by education a cardmaker, by transmutation a
	bear-herd, and now by present profession a tinker?
	Ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if
	she know me not: if she say I am not fourteen pence
	on the score for sheer ale, score me up for the
	lyingest knave in Christendom. What! I am not
	bestraught: here's--

Third Servant	O, this it is that makes your lady mourn!

Second Servant	O, this is it that makes your servants droop!

Lord	Hence comes it that your kindred shuns your house,
	As beaten hence by your strange lunacy.
	O noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth,
	Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment
	And banish hence these abject lowly dreams.
	Look how thy servants do attend on thee,
	Each in his office ready at thy beck.
	Wilt thou have music? hark! Apollo plays,

	[Music]

	And twenty caged nightingales do sing:
	Or wilt thou sleep? we'll have thee to a couch
	Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed
	On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis.
	Say thou wilt walk; we will bestrew the ground:
	Or wilt thou ride? thy horses shall be trapp'd,
	Their harness studded all with gold and pearl.
	Dost thou love hawking? thou hast hawks will soar
	Above the morning lark or wilt thou hunt?
	Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them
	And fetch shrill echoes from the hollow earth.

First Servant	Say thou wilt course; thy greyhounds are as swift
	As breathed stags, ay, fleeter than the roe.

Second Servant	Dost thou love pictures? we will fetch thee straight
	Adonis painted by a running brook,
	And Cytherea all in sedges hid,
	Which seem to move and wanton with her breath,
	Even as the waving sedges play with wind.

Lord	We'll show thee Io as she was a maid,
	And how she was beguiled and surprised,
	As lively painted as the deed was done.

Third Servant	Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood,
	Scratching her legs that one shall swear she bleeds,
	And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep,
	So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn.

Lord	Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord:
	Thou hast a lady far more beautiful
	Than any woman in this waning age.

First Servant	And till the tears that she hath shed for thee
	Like envious floods o'er-run her lovely face,
	She was the fairest creature in the world;
	And yet she is inferior to none.

SLY	Am I a lord? and have I such a lady?
	Or do I dream? or have I dream'd till now?
	I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak;
	I smell sweet savours and I feel soft things:
	Upon my life, I am a lord indeed
	And not a tinker nor Christophero Sly.
	Well, bring our lady hither to our sight;
	And once again, a pot o' the smallest ale.

Second Servant	Will't please your mightiness to wash your hands?
	O, how we joy to see your wit restored!
	O, that once more you knew but what you are!
	These fifteen years you have been in a dream;
	Or when you waked, so waked as if you slept.

SLY	These fifteen years! by my fay, a goodly nap.
	But did I never speak of all that time?

First Servant	O, yes, my lord, but very idle words:
	For though you lay here in this goodly chamber,
	Yet would you say ye were beaten out of door;
	And rail upon the hostess of the house;
	And say you would present her at the leet,
	Because she brought stone jugs and no seal'd quarts:
	Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket.

SLY	Ay, the woman's maid of the house.

Third Servant	Why, sir, you know no house nor no such maid,
	Nor no such men as you have reckon'd up,
	As Stephen Sly and did John Naps of Greece
	And Peter Turph and Henry Pimpernell
	And twenty more such names and men as these
	Which never were nor no man ever saw.

SLY	Now Lord be thanked for my good amends!

ALL	Amen.

SLY	I thank thee: thou shalt not lose by it.

	[Enter the Page as a lady, with attendants]

Page	How fares my noble lord?

SLY	Marry, I fare well for here is cheer enough.
	Where is my wife?

Page	Here, noble lord: what is thy will with her?

SLY	Are you my wife and will not call me husband?
	My men should call me 'lord:' I am your goodman.

Page	My husband and my lord, my lord and husband;
	I am your wife in all obedience.

SLY	I know it well. What must I call her?

Lord	Madam.

SLY	Al'ce madam, or Joan madam?

Lord	'Madam,' and nothing else: so lords
	call ladies.

SLY	Madam wife, they say that I have dream'd
	And slept above some fifteen year or more.

Page	Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me,
	Being all this time abandon'd from your bed.

SLY	'Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone.
	Madam, undress you and come now to bed.

Page	Thrice noble lord, let me entreat of you
	To pardon me yet for a night or two,
	Or, if not so, until the sun be set:
	For your physicians have expressly charged,
	In peril to incur your former malady,
	That I should yet absent me from your bed:
	I hope this reason stands for my excuse.

SLY	Ay, it stands so that I may hardly
	tarry so long. But I would be loath to fall into
	my dreams again: I will therefore tarry in
	despite of the flesh and the blood.

	[Enter a Messenger]

Messenger	Your honour's players, heating your amendment,
	Are come to play a pleasant comedy;
	For so your doctors hold it very meet,
	Seeing too much sadness hath congeal'd your blood,
	And melancholy is the nurse of frenzy:
	Therefore they thought it good you hear a play
	And frame your mind to mirth and merriment,
	Which bars a thousand harms and lengthens life.

SLY	Marry, I will, let them play it. Is not a
	comondy a Christmas gambold or a tumbling-trick?

Page	No, my good lord; it is more pleasing stuff.

SLY	What, household stuff?

Page	It is a kind of history.

SLY	Well, well see't. Come, madam wife, sit by my side
	and let the world slip: we shall ne'er be younger.

	[Flourish]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT I



SCENE I	Padua. A public place.


	[Enter LUCENTIO and his man TRANIO]

LUCENTIO	Tranio, since for the great desire I had
	To see fair Padua, nursery of arts,
	I am arrived for fruitful Lombardy,
	The pleasant garden of great Italy;
	And by my father's love and leave am arm'd
	With his good will and thy good company,
	My trusty servant, well approved in all,
	Here let us breathe and haply institute
	A course of learning and ingenious studies.
	Pisa renown'd for grave citizens
	Gave me my being and my father first,
	A merchant of great traffic through the world,
	Vincetino come of Bentivolii.
	Vincetino's son brought up in Florence
	It shall become to serve all hopes conceived,
	To deck his fortune with his virtuous deeds:
	And therefore, Tranio, for the time I study,
	Virtue and that part of philosophy
	Will I apply that treats of happiness
	By virtue specially to be achieved.
	Tell me thy mind; for I have Pisa left
	And am to Padua come, as he that leaves
	A shallow plash to plunge him in the deep
	And with satiety seeks to quench his thirst.

TRANIO	Mi perdonato, gentle master mine,
	I am in all affected as yourself;
	Glad that you thus continue your resolve
	To suck the sweets of sweet philosophy.
	Only, good master, while we do admire
	This virtue and this moral discipline,
	Let's be no stoics nor no stocks, I pray;
	Or so devote to Aristotle's cheques
	As Ovid be an outcast quite abjured:
	Balk logic with acquaintance that you have
	And practise rhetoric in your common talk;
	Music and poesy use to quicken you;
	The mathematics and the metaphysics,
	Fall to them as you find your stomach serves you;
	No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en:
	In brief, sir, study what you most affect.

LUCENTIO	Gramercies, Tranio, well dost thou advise.
	If, Biondello, thou wert come ashore,
	We could at once put us in readiness,
	And take a lodging fit to entertain
	Such friends as time in Padua shall beget.
	But stay a while: what company is this?

TRANIO	Master, some show to welcome us to town.

	[Enter BAPTISTA, KATHARINA, BIANCA, GREMIO, and
	HORTENSIO. LUCENTIO and TRANIO stand by]

BAPTISTA	Gentlemen, importune me no farther,
	For how I firmly am resolved you know;
	That is, not bestow my youngest daughter
	Before I have a husband for the elder:
	If either of you both love Katharina,
	Because I know you well and love you well,
	Leave shall you have to court her at your pleasure.

GREMIO	[Aside]  To cart her rather: she's too rough for me.
	There, There, Hortensio, will you any wife?

KATHARINA	I pray you, sir, is it your will
	To make a stale of me amongst these mates?

HORTENSIO	Mates, maid! how mean you that? no mates for you,
	Unless you were of gentler, milder mould.

KATHARINA	I'faith, sir, you shall never need to fear:
	I wis it is not half way to her heart;
	But if it were, doubt not her care should be
	To comb your noddle with a three-legg'd stool
	And paint your face and use you like a fool.

HORTENSIA	From all such devils, good Lord deliver us!

GREMIO	And me too, good Lord!

TRANIO	Hush, master! here's some good pastime toward:
	That wench is stark mad or wonderful froward.

LUCENTIO	But in the other's silence do I see
	Maid's mild behavior and sobriety.
	Peace, Tranio!

TRANIO	Well said, master; mum! and gaze your fill.

BAPTISTA	Gentlemen, that I may soon make good
	What I have said, Bianca, get you in:
	And let it not displease thee, good Bianca,
	For I will love thee ne'er the less, my girl.

KATHARINA	A pretty peat! it is best
	Put finger in the eye, an she knew why.

BIANCA	Sister, content you in my discontent.
	Sir, to your pleasure humbly I subscribe:
	My books and instruments shall be my company,
	On them to took and practise by myself.

LUCENTIO	Hark, Tranio! thou may'st hear Minerva speak.

HORTENSIO	Signior Baptista, will you be so strange?
	Sorry am I that our good will effects
	Bianca's grief.

GREMIO	                  Why will you mew her up,
	Signior Baptista, for this fiend of hell,
	And make her bear the penance of her tongue?

BAPTISTA	Gentlemen, content ye; I am resolved:
	Go in, Bianca:

	[Exit BIANCA]

	And for I know she taketh most delight
	In music, instruments and poetry,
	Schoolmasters will I keep within my house,
	Fit to instruct her youth. If you, Hortensio,
	Or Signior Gremio, you, know any such,
	Prefer them hither; for to cunning men
	I will be very kind, and liberal
	To mine own children in good bringing up:
	And so farewell. Katharina, you may stay;
	For I have more to commune with Bianca.

	[Exit]

KATHARINA	Why, and I trust I may go too, may I not? What,
	shall I be appointed hours; as though, belike, I
	knew not what to take and what to leave, ha?

	[Exit]

GREMIO	You may go to the devil's dam: your gifts are so
	good, here's none will hold you. Their love is not
	so great, Hortensio, but we may blow our nails
	together, and fast it fairly out: our cakes dough on
	both sides. Farewell: yet for the love I bear my
	sweet Bianca, if I can by any means light on a fit
	man to teach her that wherein she delights, I will
	wish him to her father.

HORTENSIO	So will I, Signior Gremio: but a word, I pray.
	Though the nature of our quarrel yet never brooked
	parle, know now, upon advice, it toucheth us both,
	that we may yet again have access to our fair
	mistress and be happy rivals in Bianco's love, to
	labour and effect one thing specially.

GREMIO	What's that, I pray?

HORTENSIO	Marry, sir, to get a husband for her sister.

GREMIO	A husband! a devil.

HORTENSIO	I say, a husband.

GREMIO	I say, a devil. Thinkest thou, Hortensio, though
	her father be very rich, any man is so very a fool
	to be married to hell?

HORTENSIO	Tush, Gremio, though it pass your patience and mine
	to endure her loud alarums, why, man, there be good
	fellows in the world, an a man could light on them,
	would take her with all faults, and money enough.

GREMIO	I cannot tell; but I had as lief take her dowry with
	this condition, to be whipped at the high cross
	every morning.

HORTENSIO	Faith, as you say, there's small choice in rotten
	apples. But come; since this bar in law makes us
	friends, it shall be so far forth friendly
	maintained all by helping Baptista's eldest daughter
	to a husband we set his youngest free for a husband,
	and then have to't a fresh. Sweet Bianca! Happy man
	be his dole! He that runs fastest gets the ring.
	How say you, Signior Gremio?

GREMIO	I am agreed; and would I had given him the best
	horse in Padua to begin his wooing that would
	thoroughly woo her, wed her and bed her and rid the
	house of her! Come on.

	[Exeunt GREMIO and HORTENSIO]

TRANIO	I pray, sir, tell me, is it possible
	That love should of a sudden take such hold?

LUCENTIO	O Tranio, till I found it to be true,
	I never thought it possible or likely;
	But see, while idly I stood looking on,
	I found the effect of love in idleness:
	And now in plainness do confess to thee,
	That art to me as secret and as dear
	As Anna to the queen of Carthage was,
	Tranio, I burn, I pine, I perish, Tranio,
	If I achieve not this young modest girl.
	Counsel me, Tranio, for I know thou canst;
	Assist me, Tranio, for I know thou wilt.

TRANIO	Master, it is no time to chide you now;
	Affection is not rated from the heart:
	If love have touch'd you, nought remains but so,
	'Redime te captum quam queas minimo.'

LUCENTIO	Gramercies, lad, go forward; this contents:
	The rest will comfort, for thy counsel's sound.

TRANIO	Master, you look'd so longly on the maid,
	Perhaps you mark'd not what's the pith of all.

LUCENTIO	O yes, I saw sweet beauty in her face,
	Such as the daughter of Agenor had,
	That made great Jove to humble him to her hand.
	When with his knees he kiss'd the Cretan strand.

TRANIO	Saw you no more? mark'd you not how her sister
	Began to scold and raise up such a storm
	That mortal ears might hardly endure the din?

LUCENTIO	Tranio, I saw her coral lips to move
	And with her breath she did perfume the air:
	Sacred and sweet was all I saw in her.

TRANIO	Nay, then, 'tis time to stir him from his trance.
	I pray, awake, sir: if you love the maid,
	Bend thoughts and wits to achieve her. Thus it stands:
	Her eldest sister is so curst and shrewd
	That till the father rid his hands of her,
	Master, your love must live a maid at home;
	And therefore has he closely mew'd her up,
	Because she will not be annoy'd with suitors.

LUCENTIO	Ah, Tranio, what a cruel father's he!
	But art thou not advised, he took some care
	To get her cunning schoolmasters to instruct her?

TRANIO	Ay, marry, am I, sir; and now 'tis plotted.

LUCENTIO	I have it, Tranio.

TRANIO	                  Master, for my hand,
	Both our inventions meet and jump in one.

LUCENTIO	Tell me thine first.

TRANIO	You will be schoolmaster
	And undertake the teaching of the maid:
	That's your device.

LUCENTIO	It is: may it be done?

TRANIO	Not possible; for who shall bear your part,
	And be in Padua here Vincentio's son,
	Keep house and ply his book, welcome his friends,
	Visit his countrymen and banquet them?

LUCENTIO	Basta; content thee, for I have it full.
	We have not yet been seen in any house,
	Nor can we lie distinguish'd by our faces
	For man or master; then it follows thus;
	Thou shalt be master, Tranio, in my stead,
	Keep house and port and servants as I should:
	I will some other be, some Florentine,
	Some Neapolitan, or meaner man of Pisa.
	'Tis hatch'd and shall be so: Tranio, at once
	Uncase thee; take my colour'd hat and cloak:
	When Biondello comes, he waits on thee;
	But I will charm him first to keep his tongue.

TRANIO	So had you need.
	In brief, sir, sith it your pleasure is,
	And I am tied to be obedient;
	For so your father charged me at our parting,
	'Be serviceable to my son,' quoth he,
	Although I think 'twas in another sense;
	I am content to be Lucentio,
	Because so well I love Lucentio.

LUCENTIO	Tranio, be so, because Lucentio loves:
	And let me be a slave, to achieve that maid
	Whose sudden sight hath thrall'd my wounded eye.
	Here comes the rogue.

	[Enter BIONDELLO]

		Sirrah, where have you been?

BIONDELLO	Where have I been! Nay, how now! where are you?
	Master, has my fellow Tranio stolen your clothes? Or
	you stolen his? or both? pray, what's the news?

LUCENTIO	Sirrah, come hither: 'tis no time to jest,
	And therefore frame your manners to the time.
	Your fellow Tranio here, to save my life,
	Puts my apparel and my countenance on,
	And I for my escape have put on his;
	For in a quarrel since I came ashore
	I kill'd a man and fear I was descried:
	Wait you on him, I charge you, as becomes,
	While I make way from hence to save my life:
	You understand me?

BIONDELLO	                  I, sir! ne'er a whit.

LUCENTIO	And not a jot of Tranio in your mouth:
	Tranio is changed into Lucentio.

BIONDELLO	The better for him: would I were so too!

TRANIO	So could I, faith, boy, to have the next wish after,
	That Lucentio indeed had Baptista's youngest daughter.
	But, sirrah, not for my sake, but your master's, I advise
	You use your manners discreetly in all kind of companies:
	When I am alone, why, then I am Tranio;
	But in all places else your master Lucentio.

LUCENTIO	Tranio, let's go: one thing more rests, that
	thyself execute, to make one among these wooers: if
	thou ask me why, sufficeth, my reasons are both good
	and weighty.

	[Exeunt]

	[The presenters above speak]

First Servant	My lord, you nod; you do not mind the play.

SLY	Yes, by Saint Anne, do I. A good matter, surely:
	comes there any more of it?

Page	My lord, 'tis but begun.

SLY	'Tis a very excellent piece of work, madam lady:
	would 'twere done!

	[They sit and mark]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT I



SCENE II	Padua. Before HORTENSIO'S house.


	[Enter PETRUCHIO and his man GRUMIO]

PETRUCHIO	Verona, for a while I take my leave,
	To see my friends in Padua, but of all
	My best beloved and approved friend,
	Hortensio; and I trow this is his house.
	Here, sirrah Grumio; knock, I say.

GRUMIO	Knock, sir! whom should I knock? is there man has
	rebused your worship?

PETRUCHIO	Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.

GRUMIO	Knock you here, sir! why, sir, what am I, sir, that
	I should knock you here, sir?

PETRUCHIO	Villain, I say, knock me at this gate
	And rap me well, or I'll knock your knave's pate.

GRUMIO	My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock
	you first,
	And then I know after who comes by the worst.

PETRUCHIO	Will it not be?
	Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll ring it;
	I'll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.

	[He wrings him by the ears]

GRUMIO	Help, masters, help! my master is mad.

PETRUCHIO	Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!

	[Enter HORTENSIO]

HORTENSIO	How now! what's the matter? My old friend Grumio!
	and my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?

PETRUCHIO	Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray?
	'Con tutto il cuore, ben trovato,' may I say.

HORTENSIO	'Alla nostra casa ben venuto, molto honorato signor
	mio Petruchio.' Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound
	this quarrel.

GRUMIO	Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin.
	if this be not a lawful case for me to leave his
	service, look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap
	him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to
	use his master so, being perhaps, for aught I see,
	two and thirty, a pip out? Whom would to God I had
	well knock'd at first, Then had not Grumio come by the worst.

PETRUCHIO	A senseless villain! Good Hortensio,
	I bade the rascal knock upon your gate
	And could not get him for my heart to do it.

GRUMIO	Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these
	words plain, 'Sirrah, knock me here, rap me here,
	knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And come you
	now with, 'knocking at the gate'?

PETRUCHIO	Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.

HORTENSIO	Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio's pledge:
	Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and you,
	Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.
	And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale
	Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?

PETRUCHIO	Such wind as scatters young men through the world,
	To seek their fortunes farther than at home
	Where small experience grows. But in a few,
	Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:
	Antonio, my father, is deceased;
	And I have thrust myself into this maze,
	Haply to wive and thrive as best I may:
	Crowns in my purse I have and goods at home,
	And so am come abroad to see the world.

HORTENSIO	Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee
	And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife?
	Thou'ldst thank me but a little for my counsel:
	And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich
	And very rich: but thou'rt too much my friend,
	And I'll not wish thee to her.

PETRUCHIO	Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we
	Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know
	One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife,
	As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,
	Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,
	As old as Sibyl and as curst and shrewd
	As Socrates' Xanthippe, or a worse,
	She moves me not, or not removes, at least,
	Affection's edge in me, were she as rough
	As are the swelling Adriatic seas:
	I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
	If wealthily, then happily in Padua.

GRUMIO	Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his
	mind is: Why give him gold enough and marry him to
	a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne'er
	a tooth in her head, though she have as many diseases
	as two and fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss,
	so money comes withal.

HORTENSIO	Petruchio, since we are stepp'd thus far in,
	I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
	I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife
	With wealth enough and young and beauteous,
	Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman:
	Her only fault, and that is faults enough,
	Is that she is intolerable curst
	And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure
	That, were my state far worser than it is,
	I would not wed her for a mine of gold.

PETRUCHIO	Hortensio, peace! thou know'st not gold's effect:
	Tell me her father's name and 'tis enough;
	For I will board her, though she chide as loud
	As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.

HORTENSIO	Her father is Baptista Minola,
	An affable and courteous gentleman:
	Her name is Katharina Minola,
	Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue.

PETRUCHIO	I know her father, though I know not her;
	And he knew my deceased father well.
	I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;
	And therefore let me be thus bold with you
	To give you over at this first encounter,
	Unless you will accompany me thither.

GRUMIO	I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts.
	O' my word, an she knew him as well as I do, she
	would think scolding would do little good upon him:
	she may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so:
	why, that's nothing; an he begin once, he'll rail in
	his rope-tricks. I'll tell you what sir, an she
	stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in
	her face and so disfigure her with it that she
	shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat.
	You know him not, sir.

HORTENSIO	Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,
	For in Baptista's keep my treasure is:
	He hath the jewel of my life in hold,
	His youngest daughter, beautiful Binaca,
	And her withholds from me and other more,
	Suitors to her and rivals in my love,
	Supposing it a thing impossible,
	For those defects I have before rehearsed,
	That ever Katharina will be woo'd;
	Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en,
	That none shall have access unto Bianca
	Till Katharina the curst have got a husband.

GRUMIO	Katharina the curst!
	A title for a maid of all titles the worst.

HORTENSIO	Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,
	And offer me disguised in sober robes
	To old Baptista as a schoolmaster
	Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca;
	That so I may, by this device, at least
	Have leave and leisure to make love to her
	And unsuspected court her by herself.

GRUMIO	Here's no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks,
	how the young folks lay their heads together!

	[Enter GREMIO, and LUCENTIO disguised]

	Master, master, look about you: who goes there, ha?

HORTENSIO	Peace, Grumio! it is the rival of my love.
	Petruchio, stand by a while.

GRUMIO	A proper stripling and an amorous!

GREMIO	O, very well; I have perused the note.
	Hark you, sir: I'll have them very fairly bound:
	All books of love, see that at any hand;
	And see you read no other lectures to her:
	You understand me: over and beside
	Signior Baptista's liberality,
	I'll mend it with a largess. Take your paper too,
	And let me have them very well perfumed
	For she is sweeter than perfume itself
	To whom they go to. What will you read to her?

LUCENTIO	Whate'er I read to her, I'll plead for you
	As for my patron, stand you so assured,
	As firmly as yourself were still in place:
	Yea, and perhaps with more successful words
	Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.

GREMIO	O this learning, what a thing it is!

GRUMIO	O this woodcock, what an ass it is!

PETRUCHIO	Peace, sirrah!

HORTENSIO	Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio.

GREMIO	And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.
	Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola.
	I promised to inquire carefully
	About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca:
	And by good fortune I have lighted well
	On this young man, for learning and behavior
	Fit for her turn, well read in poetry
	And other books, good ones, I warrant ye.

HORTENSIO	'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman
	Hath promised me to help me to another,
	A fine musician to instruct our mistress;
	So shall I no whit be behind in duty
	To fair Bianca, so beloved of me.

GREMIO	Beloved of me; and that my deeds shall prove.

GRUMIO	And that his bags shall prove.

HORTENSIO	Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love:
	Listen to me, and if you speak me fair,
	I'll tell you news indifferent good for either.
	Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,
	Upon agreement from us to his liking,
	Will undertake to woo curst Katharina,
	Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.

GREMIO	So said, so done, is well.
	Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?

PETRUCHIO	I know she is an irksome brawling scold:
	If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.

GREMIO	No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman?

PETRUCHIO	Born in Verona, old Antonio's son:
	My father dead, my fortune lives for me;
	And I do hope good days and long to see.

GREMIO	O sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange!
	But if you have a stomach, to't i' God's name:
	You shall have me assisting you in all.
	But will you woo this wild-cat?

PETRUCHIO	Will I live?

GRUMIO	Will he woo her? ay, or I'll hang her.

PETRUCHIO	Why came I hither but to that intent?
	Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
	Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
	Have I not heard the sea puff'd up with winds
	Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?
	Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
	And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?
	Have I not in a pitched battle heard
	Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?
	And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,
	That gives not half so great a blow to hear
	As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?
	Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.

GRUMIO	For he fears none.

GREMIO	Hortensio, hark:
	This gentleman is happily arrived,
	My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.

HORTENSIO	I promised we would be contributors
	And bear his charging of wooing, whatsoe'er.

GREMIO	And so we will, provided that he win her.

GRUMIO	I would I were as sure of a good dinner.

	[Enter TRANIO brave, and BIONDELLO]

TRANIO	Gentlemen, God save you. If I may be bold,
	Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way
	To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?

BIONDELLO	He that has the two fair daughters: is't he you mean?

TRANIO	Even he, Biondello.

GREMIO	Hark you, sir; you mean not her to--

TRANIO	Perhaps, him and her, sir: what have you to do?

PETRUCHIO	Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.

TRANIO	I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let's away.

LUCENTIO	Well begun, Tranio.

HORTENSIO	Sir, a word ere you go;
	Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of, yea or no?

TRANIO	And if I be, sir, is it any offence?

GREMIO	No; if without more words you will get you hence.

TRANIO	Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free
	For me as for you?

GREMIO	                  But so is not she.

TRANIO	For what reason, I beseech you?

GREMIO	For this reason, if you'll know,
	That she's the choice love of Signior Gremio.

HORTENSIO	That she's the chosen of Signior Hortensio.

TRANIO	Softly, my masters! if you be gentlemen,
	Do me this right; hear me with patience.
	Baptista is a noble gentleman,
	To whom my father is not all unknown;
	And were his daughter fairer than she is,
	She may more suitors have and me for one.
	Fair Leda's daughter had a thousand wooers;
	Then well one more may fair Bianca have:
	And so she shall; Lucentio shall make one,
	Though Paris came in hope to speed alone.

GREMIO	What! this gentleman will out-talk us all.

LUCENTIO	Sir, give him head: I know he'll prove a jade.

PETRUCHIO	Hortensio, to what end are all these words?

HORTENSIO	Sir, let me be so bold as ask you,
	Did you yet ever see Baptista's daughter?

TRANIO	No, sir; but hear I do that he hath two,
	The one as famous for a scolding tongue
	As is the other for beauteous modesty.

PETRUCHIO	Sir, sir, the first's for me; let her go by.

GREMIO	Yea, leave that labour to great Hercules;
	And let it be more than Alcides' twelve.

PETRUCHIO	Sir, understand you this of me in sooth:
	The youngest daughter whom you hearken for
	Her father keeps from all access of suitors,
	And will not promise her to any man
	Until the elder sister first be wed:
	The younger then is free and not before.

TRANIO	If it be so, sir, that you are the man
	Must stead us all and me amongst the rest,
	And if you break the ice and do this feat,
	Achieve the elder, set the younger free
	For our access, whose hap shall be to have her
	Will not so graceless be to be ingrate.

HORTENSIO	Sir, you say well and well you do conceive;
	And since you do profess to be a suitor,
	You must, as we do, gratify this gentleman,
	To whom we all rest generally beholding.

TRANIO	Sir, I shall not be slack: in sign whereof,
	Please ye we may contrive this afternoon,
	And quaff carouses to our mistress' health,
	And do as adversaries do in law,
	Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.


GRUMIO	|
	|  O excellent motion! Fellows, let's be gone.
BIONDELLO	|


HORTENSIO	The motion's good indeed and be it so,
	Petruchio, I shall be your ben venuto.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT II



SCENE I	Padua. A room in BAPTISTA'S house.


	[Enter KATHARINA and BIANCA]

BIANCA	Good sister, wrong me not, nor wrong yourself,
	To make a bondmaid and a slave of me;
	That I disdain: but for these other gawds,
	Unbind my hands, I'll pull them off myself,
	Yea, all my raiment, to my petticoat;
	Or what you will command me will I do,
	So well I know my duty to my elders.

KATHARINA	Of all thy suitors, here I charge thee, tell
	Whom thou lovest best: see thou dissemble not.

BIANCA	Believe me, sister, of all the men alive
	I never yet beheld that special face
	Which I could fancy more than any other.

KATHARINA	Minion, thou liest. Is't not Hortensio?

BIANCA	If you affect him, sister, here I swear
	I'll plead for you myself, but you shall have
	him.

KATHARINA	O then, belike, you fancy riches more:
	You will have Gremio to keep you fair.

BIANCA	Is it for him you do envy me so?
	Nay then you jest, and now I well perceive
	You have but jested with me all this while:
	I prithee, sister Kate, untie my hands.

KATHARINA	If that be jest, then all the rest was so.

	[Strikes her]

	[Enter BAPTISTA]

BAPTISTA	Why, how now, dame! whence grows this insolence?
	Bianca, stand aside. Poor girl! she weeps.
	Go ply thy needle; meddle not with her.
	For shame, thou helding of a devilish spirit,
	Why dost thou wrong her that did ne'er wrong thee?
	When did she cross thee with a bitter word?

KATHARINA	Her silence flouts me, and I'll be revenged.

	[Flies after BIANCA]

BAPTISTA	What, in my sight? Bianca, get thee in.

	[Exit BIANCA]

KATHARINA	What, will you not suffer me? Nay, now I see
	She is your treasure, she must have a husband;
	I must dance bare-foot on her wedding day
	And for your love to her lead apes in hell.
	Talk not to me: I will go sit and weep
	Till I can find occasion of revenge.

	[Exit]

BAPTISTA	Was ever gentleman thus grieved as I?
	But who comes here?

	[Enter GREMIO, LUCENTIO in the habit of a mean man;
	PETRUCHIO, with HORTENSIO as a musician; and TRANIO,
	with BIONDELLO bearing a lute and books]

GREMIO	Good morrow, neighbour Baptista.

BAPTISTA	Good morrow, neighbour Gremio.
	God save you, gentlemen!

PETRUCHIO	And you, good sir! Pray, have you not a daughter
	Call'd Katharina, fair and virtuous?

BAPTISTA	I have a daughter, sir, called Katharina.

GREMIO	You are too blunt: go to it orderly.

PETRUCHIO	You wrong me, Signior Gremio: give me leave.
	I am a gentleman of Verona, sir,
	That, hearing of her beauty and her wit,
	Her affability and bashful modesty,
	Her wondrous qualities and mild behavior,
	Am bold to show myself a forward guest
	Within your house, to make mine eye the witness
	Of that report which I so oft have heard.
	And, for an entrance to my entertainment,
	I do present you with a man of mine,

	[Presenting HORTENSIO]

	Cunning in music and the mathematics,
	To instruct her fully in those sciences,
	Whereof I know she is not ignorant:
	Accept of him, or else you do me wrong:
	His name is Licio, born in Mantua.

BAPTISTA	You're welcome, sir; and he, for your good sake.
	But for my daughter Katharina, this I know,
	She is not for your turn, the more my grief.

PETRUCHIO	I see you do not mean to part with her,
	Or else you like not of my company.

BAPTISTA	Mistake me not; I speak but as I find.
	Whence are you, sir? what may I call your name?

PETRUCHIO	Petruchio is my name; Antonio's son,
	A man well known throughout all Italy.

BAPTISTA	I know him well: you are welcome for his sake.

GREMIO	Saving your tale, Petruchio, I pray,
	Let us, that are poor petitioners, speak too:
	Baccare! you are marvellous forward.

PETRUCHIO	O, pardon me, Signior Gremio; I would fain be doing.

GREMIO	I doubt it not, sir; but you will curse your
	wooing. Neighbour, this is a gift very grateful, I am
	sure of it. To express the like kindness, myself,
	that have been more kindly beholding to you than
	any, freely give unto you this young scholar,

	[Presenting LUCENTIO]

	that hath been long studying at Rheims; as cunning
	in Greek, Latin, and other languages, as the other
	in music and mathematics: his name is Cambio; pray,
	accept his service.

BAPTISTA	A thousand thanks, Signior Gremio.
	Welcome, good Cambio.

	[To TRANIO]

	But, gentle sir, methinks you walk like a stranger:
	may I be so bold to know the cause of your coming?

TRANIO	Pardon me, sir, the boldness is mine own,
	That, being a stranger in this city here,
	Do make myself a suitor to your daughter,
	Unto Bianca, fair and virtuous.
	Nor is your firm resolve unknown to me,
	In the preferment of the eldest sister.
	This liberty is all that I request,
	That, upon knowledge of my parentage,
	I may have welcome 'mongst the rest that woo
	And free access and favour as the rest:
	And, toward the education of your daughters,
	I here bestow a simple instrument,
	And this small packet of Greek and Latin books:
	If you accept them, then their worth is great.

BAPTISTA	Lucentio is your name; of whence, I pray?

TRANIO	Of Pisa, sir; son to Vincentio.

BAPTISTA	A mighty man of Pisa; by report
	I know him well: you are very welcome, sir,
	Take you the lute, and you the set of books;
	You shall go see your pupils presently.
	Holla, within!

	[Enter a Servant]

	Sirrah, lead these gentlemen
	To my daughters; and tell them both,
	These are their tutors: bid them use them well.

	[Exit Servant, with LUCENTIO and HORTENSIO,
	BIONDELLO following]

	We will go walk a little in the orchard,
	And then to dinner. You are passing welcome,
	And so I pray you all to think yourselves.

PETRUCHIO	Signior Baptista, my business asketh haste,
	And every day I cannot come to woo.
	You knew my father well, and in him me,
	Left solely heir to all his lands and goods,
	Which I have better'd rather than decreased:
	Then tell me, if I get your daughter's love,
	What dowry shall I have with her to wife?

BAPTISTA	After my death the one half of my lands,
	And in possession twenty thousand crowns.

PETRUCHIO	And, for that dowry, I'll assure her of
	Her widowhood, be it that she survive me,
	In all my lands and leases whatsoever:
	Let specialties be therefore drawn between us,
	That covenants may be kept on either hand.

BAPTISTA	Ay, when the special thing is well obtain'd,
	That is, her love; for that is all in all.

PETRUCHIO	Why, that is nothing: for I tell you, father,
	I am as peremptory as she proud-minded;
	And where two raging fires meet together
	They do consume the thing that feeds their fury:
	Though little fire grows great with little wind,
	Yet extreme gusts will blow out fire and all:
	So I to her and so she yields to me;
	For I am rough and woo not like a babe.

BAPTISTA	Well mayst thou woo, and happy be thy speed!
	But be thou arm'd for some unhappy words.

PETRUCHIO	Ay, to the proof; as mountains are for winds,
	That shake not, though they blow perpetually.

	[Re-enter HORTENSIO, with his head broke]

BAPTISTA	How now, my friend! why dost thou look so pale?

HORTENSIO	For fear, I promise you, if I look pale.

BAPTISTA	What, will my daughter prove a good musician?

HORTENSIO	I think she'll sooner prove a soldier
	Iron may hold with her, but never lutes.

BAPTISTA	Why, then thou canst not break her to the lute?

HORTENSIO	Why, no; for she hath broke the lute to me.
	I did but tell her she mistook her frets,
	And bow'd her hand to teach her fingering;
	When, with a most impatient devilish spirit,
	'Frets, call you these?' quoth she; 'I'll fume
	with them:'
	And, with that word, she struck me on the head,
	And through the instrument my pate made way;
	And there I stood amazed for a while,
	As on a pillory, looking through the lute;
	While she did call me rascal fiddler
	And twangling Jack; with twenty such vile terms,
	As had she studied to misuse me so.

PETRUCHIO	Now, by the world, it is a lusty wench;
	I love her ten times more than e'er I did:
	O, how I long to have some chat with her!

BAPTISTA	Well, go with me and be not so discomfited:
	Proceed in practise with my younger daughter;
	She's apt to learn and thankful for good turns.
	Signior Petruchio, will you go with us,
	Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?

PETRUCHIO	I pray you do.

	[Exeunt all but PETRUCHIO]

	I will attend her here,
	And woo her with some spirit when she comes.
	Say that she rail; why then I'll tell her plain
	She sings as sweetly as a nightingale:
	Say that she frown, I'll say she looks as clear
	As morning roses newly wash'd with dew:
	Say she be mute and will not speak a word;
	Then I'll commend her volubility,
	And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:
	If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks,
	As though she bid me stay by her a week:
	If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day
	When I shall ask the banns and when be married.
	But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak.

	[Enter KATHARINA]

	Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear.

KATHARINA	Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing:
	They call me Katharina that do talk of me.

PETRUCHIO	You lie, in faith; for you are call'd plain Kate,
	And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;
	But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom
	Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,
	For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,
	Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;
	Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,
	Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
	Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,
	Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

KATHARINA	Moved! in good time: let him that moved you hither
	Remove you hence: I knew you at the first
	You were a moveable.

PETRUCHIO	Why, what's a moveable?

KATHARINA	A join'd-stool.

PETRUCHIO	Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

KATHARINA	Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

PETRUCHIO	Women are made to bear, and so are you.

KATHARINA	No such jade as you, if me you mean.

PETRUCHIO	Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee;
	For, knowing thee to be but young and light--

KATHARINA	Too light for such a swain as you to catch;
	And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

PETRUCHIO	Should be! should--buzz!

KATHARINA	Well ta'en, and like a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO	O slow-wing'd turtle! shall a buzzard take thee?

KATHARINA	Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO	Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.

KATHARINA	If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

PETRUCHIO	My remedy is then, to pluck it out.

KATHARINA	Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,

PETRUCHIO	Who knows not where a wasp does
	wear his sting? In his tail.

KATHARINA	In his tongue.

PETRUCHIO	Whose tongue?

KATHARINA	Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.

PETRUCHIO	What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again,
	Good Kate; I am a gentleman.

KATHARINA	That I'll try.

	[She strikes him]

PETRUCHIO	I swear I'll cuff you, if you strike again.

KATHARINA	So may you lose your arms:
	If you strike me, you are no gentleman;
	And if no gentleman, why then no arms.

PETRUCHIO	A herald, Kate? O, put me in thy books!

KATHARINA	What is your crest? a coxcomb?

PETRUCHIO	A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.

KATHARINA	No cock of mine; you crow too like a craven.

PETRUCHIO	Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look so sour.

KATHARINA	It is my fashion, when I see a crab.

PETRUCHIO	Why, here's no crab; and therefore look not sour.

KATHARINA	There is, there is.

PETRUCHIO	Then show it me.

KATHARINA	Had I a glass, I would.

PETRUCHIO	What, you mean my face?

KATHARINA	Well aim'd of such a young one.

PETRUCHIO	Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you.

KATHARINA	Yet you are wither'd.

PETRUCHIO	'Tis with cares.

KATHARINA	I care not.

PETRUCHIO	Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth you scape not so.

KATHARINA	I chafe you, if I tarry: let me go.

PETRUCHIO	No, not a whit: I find you passing gentle.
	'Twas told me you were rough and coy and sullen,
	And now I find report a very liar;
	For thou are pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous,
	But slow in speech, yet sweet as spring-time flowers:
	Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,
	Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will,
	Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk,
	But thou with mildness entertain'st thy wooers,
	With gentle conference, soft and affable.
	Why does the world report that Kate doth limp?
	O slanderous world! Kate like the hazel-twig
	Is straight and slender and as brown in hue
	As hazel nuts and sweeter than the kernels.
	O, let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt.

KATHARINA	Go, fool, and whom thou keep'st command.

PETRUCHIO	Did ever Dian so become a grove
	As Kate this chamber with her princely gait?
	O, be thou Dian, and let her be Kate;
	And then let Kate be chaste and Dian sportful!

KATHARINA	Where did you study all this goodly speech?

PETRUCHIO	It is extempore, from my mother-wit.

KATHARINA	A witty mother! witless else her son.

PETRUCHIO	Am I not wise?

KATHARINA	Yes; keep you warm.

PETRUCHIO	Marry, so I mean, sweet Katharina, in thy bed:
	And therefore, setting all this chat aside,
	Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented
	That you shall be my wife; your dowry 'greed on;
	And, Will you, nill you, I will marry you.
	Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn;
	For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,
	Thy beauty, that doth make me like thee well,
	Thou must be married to no man but me;
	For I am he am born to tame you Kate,
	And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate
	Conformable as other household Kates.
	Here comes your father: never make denial;
	I must and will have Katharina to my wife.

	[Re-enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and TRANIO]

BAPTISTA	Now, Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?

PETRUCHIO	How but well, sir? how but well?
	It were impossible I should speed amiss.

BAPTISTA	Why, how now, daughter Katharina! in your dumps?

KATHARINA	Call you me daughter? now, I promise you
	You have show'd a tender fatherly regard,
	To wish me wed to one half lunatic;
	A mad-cup ruffian and a swearing Jack,
	That thinks with oaths to face the matter out.

PETRUCHIO	Father, 'tis thus: yourself and all the world,
	That talk'd of her, have talk'd amiss of her:
	If she be curst, it is for policy,
	For she's not froward, but modest as the dove;
	She is not hot, but temperate as the morn;
	For patience she will prove a second Grissel,
	And Roman Lucrece for her chastity:
	And to conclude, we have 'greed so well together,
	That upon Sunday is the wedding-day.

KATHARINA	I'll see thee hang'd on Sunday first.

GREMIO	Hark, Petruchio; she says she'll see thee
	hang'd first.

TRANIO	Is this your speeding? nay, then, good night our part!

PETRUCHIO	Be patient, gentlemen; I choose her for myself:
	If she and I be pleased, what's that to you?
	'Tis bargain'd 'twixt us twain, being alone,
	That she shall still be curst in company.
	I tell you, 'tis incredible to believe
	How much she loves me: O, the kindest Kate!
	She hung about my neck; and kiss on kiss
	She vied so fast, protesting oath on oath,
	That in a twink she won me to her love.
	O, you are novices! 'tis a world to see,
	How tame, when men and women are alone,
	A meacock wretch can make the curstest shrew.
	Give me thy hand, Kate: I will unto Venice,
	To buy apparel 'gainst the wedding-day.
	Provide the feast, father, and bid the guests;
	I will be sure my Katharina shall be fine.

BAPTISTA	I know not what to say: but give me your hands;
	God send you joy, Petruchio! 'tis a match.


GREMIO	|
	|  Amen, say we: we will be witnesses.
TRANIO	|


PETRUCHIO	Father, and wife, and gentlemen, adieu;
	I will to Venice; Sunday comes apace:
	We will have rings and things and fine array;
	And kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.

	[Exeunt PETRUCHIO and KATHARINA severally]

GREMIO	Was ever match clapp'd up so suddenly?

BAPTISTA	Faith, gentlemen, now I play a merchant's part,
	And venture madly on a desperate mart.

TRANIO	'Twas a commodity lay fretting by you:
	'Twill bring you gain, or perish on the seas.

BAPTISTA	The gain I seek is, quiet in the match.

GREMIO	No doubt but he hath got a quiet catch.
	But now, Baptists, to your younger daughter:
	Now is the day we long have looked for:
	I am your neighbour, and was suitor first.

TRANIO	And I am one that love Bianca more
	Than words can witness, or your thoughts can guess.

GREMIO	Youngling, thou canst not love so dear as I.

TRANIO	Graybeard, thy love doth freeze.

GREMIO	But thine doth fry.
	Skipper, stand back: 'tis age that nourisheth.

TRANIO	But youth in ladies' eyes that flourisheth.

BAPTISTA	Content you, gentlemen: I will compound this strife:
	'Tis deeds must win the prize; and he of both
	That can assure my daughter greatest dower
	Shall have my Bianca's love.
	Say, Signior Gremio, What can you assure her?

GREMIO	First, as you know, my house within the city
	Is richly furnished with plate and gold;
	Basins and ewers to lave her dainty hands;
	My hangings all of Tyrian tapestry;
	In ivory coffers I have stuff'd my crowns;
	In cypress chests my arras counterpoints,
	Costly apparel, tents, and canopies,
	Fine linen, Turkey cushions boss'd with pearl,
	Valance of Venice gold in needlework,
	Pewter and brass and all things that belong
	To house or housekeeping: then, at my farm
	I have a hundred milch-kine to the pail,
	Sixscore fat oxen standing in my stalls,
	And all things answerable to this portion.
	Myself am struck in years, I must confess;
	And if I die to-morrow, this is hers,
	If whilst I live she will be only mine.

TRANIO	That 'only' came well in. Sir, list to me:
	I am my father's heir and only son:
	If I may have your daughter to my wife,
	I'll leave her houses three or four as good,
	Within rich Pisa walls, as any one
	Old Signior Gremio has in Padua;
	Besides two thousand ducats by the year
	Of fruitful land, all which shall be her jointure.
	What, have I pinch'd you, Signior Gremio?

GREMIO	Two thousand ducats by the year of land!
	My land amounts not to so much in all:
	That she shall have; besides an argosy
	That now is lying in Marseilles' road.
	What, have I choked you with an argosy?

TRANIO	Gremio, 'tis known my father hath no less
	Than three great argosies; besides two galliases,
	And twelve tight galleys: these I will assure her,
	And twice as much, whate'er thou offer'st next.

GREMIO	Nay, I have offer'd all, I have no more;
	And she can have no more than all I have:
	If you like me, she shall have me and mine.

TRANIO	Why, then the maid is mine from all the world,
	By your firm promise: Gremio is out-vied.

BAPTISTA	I must confess your offer is the best;
	And, let your father make her the assurance,
	She is your own; else, you must pardon me,
	if you should die before him, where's her dower?

TRANIO	That's but a cavil: he is old, I young.

GREMIO	And may not young men die, as well as old?

BAPTISTA	Well, gentlemen,
	I am thus resolved: on Sunday next you know
	My daughter Katharina is to be married:
	Now, on the Sunday following, shall Bianca
	Be bride to you, if you this assurance;
	If not, Signior Gremio:
	And so, I take my leave, and thank you both.

GREMIO	Adieu, good neighbour.

	[Exit BAPTISTA]

		Now I fear thee not:
	Sirrah young gamester, your father were a fool
	To give thee all, and in his waning age
	Set foot under thy table: tut, a toy!
	An old Italian fox is not so kind, my boy.

	[Exit]

TRANIO	A vengeance on your crafty wither'd hide!
	Yet I have faced it with a card of ten.
	'Tis in my head to do my master good:
	I see no reason but supposed Lucentio
	Must get a father, call'd 'supposed Vincentio;'
	And that's a wonder: fathers commonly
	Do get their children; but in this case of wooing,
	A child shall get a sire, if I fail not of my cunning.

	[Exit]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT III



SCENE I	Padua. BAPTISTA'S house.


	[Enter LUCENTIO, HORTENSIO, and BIANCA]

LUCENTIO	Fiddler, forbear; you grow too forward, sir:
	Have you so soon forgot the entertainment
	Her sister Katharina welcomed you withal?

HORTENSIO	But, wrangling pedant, this is
	The patroness of heavenly harmony:
	Then give me leave to have prerogative;
	And when in music we have spent an hour,
	Your lecture shall have leisure for as much.

LUCENTIO	Preposterous ass, that never read so far
	To know the cause why music was ordain'd!
	Was it not to refresh the mind of man
	After his studies or his usual pain?
	Then give me leave to read philosophy,
	And while I pause, serve in your harmony.

HORTENSIO	Sirrah, I will not bear these braves of thine.

BIANCA	Why, gentlemen, you do me double wrong,
	To strive for that which resteth in my choice:
	I am no breeching scholar in the schools;
	I'll not be tied to hours nor 'pointed times,
	But learn my lessons as I please myself.
	And, to cut off all strife, here sit we down:
	Take you your instrument, play you the whiles;
	His lecture will be done ere you have tuned.

HORTENSIO	You'll leave his lecture when I am in tune?

LUCENTIO	That will be never: tune your instrument.

BIANCA	Where left we last?

LUCENTIO	Here, madam:
	'Hic ibat Simois; hic est Sigeia tellus;
	Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis.'

BIANCA	Construe them.

LUCENTIO	'Hic ibat,' as I told you before, 'Simois,' I am
	Lucentio, 'hic est,' son unto Vincentio of Pisa,
	'Sigeia tellus,' disguised thus to get your love;
	'Hic steterat,' and that Lucentio that comes
	a-wooing, 'Priami,' is my man Tranio, 'regia,'
	bearing my port, 'celsa senis,' that we might
	beguile the old pantaloon.

HORTENSIO	Madam, my instrument's in tune.

BIANCA	Let's hear. O fie! the treble jars.

LUCENTIO	Spit in the hole, man, and tune again.

BIANCA	Now let me see if I can construe it: 'Hic ibat
	Simois,' I know you not, 'hic est Sigeia tellus,' I
	trust you not; 'Hic steterat Priami,' take heed
	he hear us not, 'regia,' presume not, 'celsa senis,'
	despair not.

HORTENSIO	Madam, 'tis now in tune.

LUCENTIO	All but the base.

HORTENSIO	The base is right; 'tis the base knave that jars.

	[Aside]

	How fiery and forward our pedant is!
	Now, for my life, the knave doth court my love:
	Pedascule, I'll watch you better yet.

BIANCA	In time I may believe, yet I mistrust.

LUCENTIO	Mistrust it not: for, sure, AEacides
	Was Ajax, call'd so from his grandfather.

BIANCA	I must believe my master; else, I promise you,
	I should be arguing still upon that doubt:
	But let it rest. Now, Licio, to you:
	Good masters, take it not unkindly, pray,
	That I have been thus pleasant with you both.

HORTENSIO	You may go walk, and give me leave a while:
	My lessons make no music in three parts.

LUCENTIO	Are you so formal, sir? well, I must wait,

	[Aside]

	And watch withal; for, but I be deceived,
	Our fine musician groweth amorous.

HORTENSIO	Madam, before you touch the instrument,
	To learn the order of my fingering,
	I must begin with rudiments of art;
	To teach you gamut in a briefer sort,
	More pleasant, pithy and effectual,
	Than hath been taught by any of my trade:
	And there it is in writing, fairly drawn.

BIANCA	Why, I am past my gamut long ago.

HORTENSIO	Yet read the gamut of Hortensio.

BIANCA	[Reads]  ''Gamut' I am, the ground of all accord,
	'A re,' to Plead Hortensio's passion;
	'B mi,' Bianca, take him for thy lord,
	'C fa ut,' that loves with all affection:
	'D sol re,' one clef, two notes have I:
	'E la mi,' show pity, or I die.'
	Call you this gamut? tut, I like it not:
	Old fashions please me best; I am not so nice,
	To change true rules for old inventions.

	[Enter a Servant]

Servant	Mistress, your father prays you leave your books
	And help to dress your sister's chamber up:
	You know to-morrow is the wedding-day.

BIANCA	Farewell, sweet masters both; I must be gone.

	[Exeunt BIANCA and Servant]

LUCENTIO	Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay.

	[Exit]

HORTENSIO	But I have cause to pry into this pedant:
	Methinks he looks as though he were in love:
	Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble
	To cast thy wandering eyes on every stale,
	Seize thee that list: if once I find thee ranging,
	Hortensio will be quit with thee by changing.

	[Exit]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT III



SCENE II	Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house.


	[Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHARINA, BIANCA,
	LUCENTIO, and others, attendants]

BAPTISTA	[To TRANIO]  Signior Lucentio, this is the
	'pointed day.
	That Katharina and Petruchio should be married,
	And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
	What will be said? what mockery will it be,
	To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
	To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
	What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

KATHARINA	No shame but mine: I must, forsooth, be forced
	To give my hand opposed against my heart
	Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen;
	Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.
	I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
	Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behavior:
	And, to be noted for a merry man,
	He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,
	Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns;
	Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.
	Now must the world point at poor Katharina,
	And say, 'Lo, there is mad Petruchio's wife,
	If it would please him come and marry her!'

TRANIO	Patience, good Katharina, and Baptista too.
	Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
	Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
	Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
	Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.

KATHARINA	Would Katharina had never seen him though!

	[Exit weeping, followed by BIANCA and others]

BAPTISTA	Go, girl; I cannot blame thee now to weep;
	For such an injury would vex a very saint,
	Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.

	[Enter BIONDELLO]

BIONDELLO	Master, master! news, old news, and such news as
	you never heard of!

BAPTISTA	Is it new and old too? how may that be?

BIONDELLO	Why, is it not news, to hear of Petruchio's coming?

BAPTISTA	Is he come?

BIONDELLO	Why, no, sir.

BAPTISTA	What then?

BIONDELLO	He is coming.

BAPTISTA	When will he be here?

BIONDELLO	When he stands where I am and sees you there.

TRANIO	But say, what to thine old news?

BIONDELLO	Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old
	jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned, a pair
	of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
	another laced, an old rusty sword ta'en out of the
	town-armory, with a broken hilt, and chapeless;
	with two broken points: his horse hipped with an
	old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred;
	besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose
	in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected
	with the fashions, full of wingdalls, sped with
	spavins, rayed with yellows, past cure of the fives,
	stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the
	bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten;
	near-legged before and with, a half-chequed bit
	and a head-stall of sheeps leather which, being
	restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been
	often burst and now repaired with knots; one girth
	six time pieced and a woman's crupper of velure,
	which hath two letters for her name fairly set down
	in studs, and here and there pieced with packthread.

BAPTISTA	Who comes with him?

BIONDELLO	O, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
	like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a
	kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red
	and blue list; an old hat and 'the humour of forty
	fancies' pricked in't for a feather: a monster, a
	very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian
	footboy or a gentleman's lackey.

TRANIO	'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;
	Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell'd.

BAPTISTA	I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.

BIONDELLO	Why, sir, he comes not.

BAPTISTA	Didst thou not say he comes?

BIONDELLO	Who? that Petruchio came?

BAPTISTA	Ay, that Petruchio came.

BIONDELLO	No, sir, I say his horse comes, with him on his back.

BAPTISTA	Why, that's all one.

BIONDELLO	   Nay, by Saint Jamy,
	I hold you a penny,
	A horse and a man
	Is more than one,
	And yet not many.

	[Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO]

PETRUCHIO	Come, where be these gallants? who's at home?

BAPTISTA	You are welcome, sir.

PETRUCHIO	And yet I come not well.

BAPTISTA	And yet you halt not.

TRANIO	Not so well apparell'd
	As I wish you were.

PETRUCHIO	Were it better, I should rush in thus.
	But where is Kate? where is my lovely bride?
	How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown:
	And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
	As if they saw some wondrous monument,
	Some comet or unusual prodigy?

BAPTISTA	Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
	First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
	Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
	Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
	An eye-sore to our solemn festival!

TRANIO	And tells us, what occasion of import
	Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
	And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

PETRUCHIO	Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
	Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
	Though in some part enforced to digress;
	Which, at more leisure, I will so excuse
	As you shall well be satisfied withal.
	But where is Kate? I stay too long from her:
	The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.

TRANIO	See not your bride in these unreverent robes:
	Go to my chamber; Put on clothes of mine.

PETRUCHIO	Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.

BAPTISTA	But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

PETRUCHIO	Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words:
	To me she's married, not unto my clothes:
	Could I repair what she will wear in me,
	As I can change these poor accoutrements,
	'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
	But what a fool am I to chat with you,
	When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
	And seal the title with a lovely kiss!

	[Exeunt PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO]

TRANIO	He hath some meaning in his mad attire:
	We will persuade him, be it possible,
	To put on better ere he go to church.

BAPTISTA	I'll after him, and see the event of this.

	[Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and attendants]

TRANIO	But to her love concerneth us to add
	Her father's liking: which to bring to pass,
	As I before unparted to your worship,
	I am to get a man,--whate'er he be,
	It skills not much. we'll fit him to our turn,--
	And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa;
	And make assurance here in Padua
	Of greater sums than I have promised.
	So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
	And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

LUCENTIO	Were it not that my fellow-school-master
	Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
	'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
	Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,
	I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.

TRANIO	That by degrees we mean to look into,
	And watch our vantage in this business:
	We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
	The narrow-prying father, Minola,
	The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
	All for my master's sake, Lucentio.

	[Re-enter GREMIO]

	Signior Gremio, came you from the church?

GREMIO	As willingly as e'er I came from school.

TRANIO	And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

GREMIO	A bridegroom say you? 'tis a groom indeed,
	A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.

TRANIO	Curster than she? why, 'tis impossible.

GREMIO	Why he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

TRANIO	Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.

GREMIO	Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him!
	I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
	Should ask, if Katharina should be his wife,
	'Ay, by gogs-wouns,' quoth he; and swore so loud,
	That, all-amazed, the priest let fall the book;
	And, as he stoop'd again to take it up,
	The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff
	That down fell priest and book and book and priest:
	'Now take them up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'

TRANIO	What said the wench when he rose again?

GREMIO	Trembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd and swore,
	As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
	But after many ceremonies done,
	He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
	He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
	After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel
	And threw the sops all in the sexton's face;
	Having no other reason
	But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
	And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.
	This done, he took the bride about the neck
	And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
	That at the parting all the church did echo:
	And I seeing this came thence for very shame;
	And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
	Such a mad marriage never was before:
	Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.

	[Music]

	[Re-enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA,
	HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, and Train]


PETRUCHIO	Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
	I know you think to dine with me to-day,
	And have prepared great store of wedding cheer;
	But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
	And therefore here I mean to take my leave.

BAPTISTA	Is't possible you will away to-night?

PETRUCHIO	I must away to-day, before night come:
	Make it no wonder; if you knew my business,
	You would entreat me rather go than stay.
	And, honest company, I thank you all,
	That have beheld me give away myself
	To this most patient, sweet and virtuous wife:
	Dine with my father, drink a health to me;
	For I must hence; and farewell to you all.

TRANIO	Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.

PETRUCHIO	It may not be.

GREMIO	                  Let me entreat you.

PETRUCHIO	It cannot be.

KATHARINA	                  Let me entreat you.

PETRUCHIO	I am content.

KATHARINA	                  Are you content to stay?

PETRUCHIO	I am content you shall entreat me stay;
	But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.

KATHARINA	Now, if you love me, stay.

PETRUCHIO	Grumio, my horse.

GRUMIO	Ay, sir, they be ready: the oats have eaten the horses.

KATHARINA	Nay, then,
	Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;
	No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself.
	The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
	You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
	For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself:
	'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom,
	That take it on you at the first so roundly.

PETRUCHIO	O Kate, content thee; prithee, be not angry.

KATHARINA	I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
	Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.

GREMIO	Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.

KATARINA	Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
	I see a woman may be made a fool,
	If she had not a spirit to resist.

PETRUCHIO	They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
	Obey the bride, you that attend on her;
	Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
	Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
	Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
	But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
	Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
	I will be master of what is mine own:
	She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
	My household stuff, my field, my barn,
	My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing;
	And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;
	I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
	That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
	Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves;
	Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
	Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch
	thee, Kate:
	I'll buckler thee against a million.

	[Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, and GRUMIO]

BAPTISTA	Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

GREMIO	Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.

TRANIO	Of all mad matches never was the like.

LUCENTIO	Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?

BIANCA	That, being mad herself, she's madly mated.

GREMIO	I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.

BAPTISTA	Neighbours and friends, though bride and
	bridegroom wants
	For to supply the places at the table,
	You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
	Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place:
	And let Bianca take her sister's room.

TRANIO	Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

BAPTISTA	She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT IV



SCENE I	PETRUCHIO'S country house.


	[Enter GRUMIO]

GRUMIO	Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and
	all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? was ever
	man so rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sent
	before to make a fire, and they are coming after to
	warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon
	hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my
	tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my
	belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me: but
	I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for,
	considering the weather, a taller man than I will
	take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis.

	[Enter CURTIS]

CURTIS	Who is that calls so coldly?

GRUMIO	A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide
	from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run
	but my head and my neck. A fire good Curtis.

CURTIS	Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

GRUMIO	O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast
	on no water.

CURTIS	Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?

GRUMIO	She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but, thou
	knowest, winter tames man, woman and beast; for it
	hath tamed my old master and my new mistress and
	myself, fellow Curtis.

CURTIS	Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.

GRUMIO	Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot; and
	so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a
	fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress,
	whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soon
	feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?

CURTIS	I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?

GRUMIO	A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and
	therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; for
	my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.

CURTIS	There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.

GRUMIO	Why, 'Jack, boy! ho! boy!' and as much news as
	will thaw.

CURTIS	Come, you are so full of cony-catching!

GRUMIO	Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme cold.
	Where's the cook? is supper ready, the house
	trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; the
	serving-men in their new fustian, their white
	stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on?
	Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without,
	the carpets laid, and every thing in order?

CURTIS	All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.

GRUMIO	First, know, my horse is tired; my master and
	mistress fallen out.

CURTIS	How?

GRUMIO	Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby
	hangs a tale.

CURTIS	Let's ha't, good Grumio.

GRUMIO	Lend thine ear.

CURTIS	Here.

GRUMIO	There.

	[Strikes him]

CURTIS	This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

GRUMIO	And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale: and this
	cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech
	listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a
	foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,--

CURTIS	Both of one horse?

GRUMIO	What's that to thee?

CURTIS	Why, a horse.

GRUMIO	Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me,
	thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she
	under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how
	miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her
	with the horse upon her, how he beat me because
	her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt
	to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed,
	that never prayed before, how I cried, how the
	horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I
	lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory,
	which now shall die in oblivion and thou return
	unexperienced to thy grave.

CURTIS	By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.

GRUMIO	Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall
	find when he comes home. But what talk I of this?
	Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip,
	Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be
	sleekly combed their blue coats brushed and their
	garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy
	with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair
	of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their
	hands. Are they all ready?

CURTIS	They are.

GRUMIO	Call them forth.

CURTIS	Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to
	countenance my mistress.

GRUMIO	Why, she hath a face of her own.

CURTIS	Who knows not that?

GRUMIO	Thou, it seems, that calls for company to
	countenance her.

CURTIS	I call them forth to credit her.

GRUMIO	Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.

	[Enter four or five Serving-men]

NATHANIEL	Welcome home, Grumio!

PHILIP	How now, Grumio!

JOSEPH	What, Grumio!

NICHOLAS	Fellow Grumio!

NATHANIEL	How now, old lad?

GRUMIO	Welcome, you;--how now, you;-- what, you;--fellow,
	you;--and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce
	companions, is all ready, and all things neat?

NATHANIEL	All things is ready. How near is our master?

GRUMIO	E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be
	not--Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master.

	[Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHARINA]

PETRUCHIO	Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
	To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
	Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?

ALL SERVING-MEN	Here, here, sir; here, sir.

PETRUCHIO	Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
	You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
	What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
	Where is the foolish knave I sent before?

GRUMIO	Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.

PETRUCHIO	You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
	Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
	And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?

GRUMIO	Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
	And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel;
	There was no link to colour Peter's hat,
	And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing:
	There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
	The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
	Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.

PETRUCHIO	Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.

	[Exeunt Servants]

	[Singing]

	Where is the life that late I led--
	Where are those--Sit down, Kate, and welcome.--
	Sound, sound, sound, sound!

	[Re-enter Servants with supper]

	Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
	Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?

	[Sings]

	It was the friar of orders grey,
	As he forth walked on his way:--
	Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
	Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.

	[Strikes him]

	Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!
	Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
	And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
	One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.
	Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?

	[Enter one with water]

	Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
	You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?

	[Strikes him]

KATHARINA	Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.

PETRUCHIO	A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!
	Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
	Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
	What's this? mutton?

First Servant	Ay.

PETRUCHIO	Who brought it?

PETER	I.

PETRUCHIO	'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
	What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
	How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
	And serve it thus to me that love it not?
	Theretake it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;

	[Throws the meat, &c. about the stage]

	You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!
	What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.

KATHARINA	I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
	The meat was well, if you were so contented.

PETRUCHIO	I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away;
	And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
	For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
	And better 'twere that both of us did fast,
	Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
	Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
	Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended,
	And, for this night, we'll fast for company:
	Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.

	[Exeunt]

	[Re-enter Servants severally]

NATHANIEL	Peter, didst ever see the like?

PETER	He kills her in her own humour.

	[Re-enter CURTIS]

GRUMIO	Where is he?

CURTIS	In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
	And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
	Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
	And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
	Away, away! for he is coming hither.

	[Exeunt]

	[Re-enter PETRUCHIO]

PETRUCHIO	Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
	And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
	My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
	And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
	For then she never looks upon her lure.
	Another way I have to man my haggard,
	To make her come and know her keeper's call,
	That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
	That bate and beat and will not be obedient.
	She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
	Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
	As with the meat, some undeserved fault
	I'll find about the making of the bed;
	And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
	This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:
	Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
	That all is done in reverend care of her;
	And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
	And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl
	And with the clamour keep her still awake.
	This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
	And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
	He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
	Now let him speak: 'tis charity to show.

	[Exit]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT IV



SCENE II	Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house.


	[Enter TRANIO and HORTENSIO]

TRANIO	Is't possible, friend Licio, that Mistress Bianca
	Doth fancy any other but Lucentio?
	I tell you, sir, she bears me fair in hand.

HORTENSIO	Sir, to satisfy you in what I have said,
	Stand by and mark the manner of his teaching.

	[Enter BIANCA and LUCENTIO]

LUCENTIO	Now, mistress, profit you in what you read?

BIANCA	What, master, read you? first resolve me that.

LUCENTIO	I read that I profess, the Art to Love.

BIANCA	And may you prove, sir, master of your art!

LUCENTIO	While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart!

HORTENSIO	Quick proceeders, marry! Now, tell me, I pray,
	You that durst swear at your mistress Bianca
	Loved none in the world so well as Lucentio.

TRANIO	O despiteful love! unconstant womankind!
	I tell thee, Licio, this is wonderful.

HORTENSIO	Mistake no more: I am not Licio,
	Nor a musician, as I seem to be;
	But one that scorn to live in this disguise,
	For such a one as leaves a gentleman,
	And makes a god of such a cullion:
	Know, sir, that I am call'd Hortensio.

TRANIO	Signior Hortensio, I have often heard
	Of your entire affection to Bianca;
	And since mine eyes are witness of her lightness,
	I will with you, if you be so contented,
	Forswear Bianca and her love for ever.

HORTENSIO	See, how they kiss and court! Signior Lucentio,
	Here is my hand, and here I firmly vow
	Never to woo her no more, but do forswear her,
	As one unworthy all the former favours
	That I have fondly flatter'd her withal.

TRANIO	And here I take the unfeigned oath,
	Never to marry with her though she would entreat:
	Fie on her! see, how beastly she doth court him!

HORTENSIO	Would all the world but he had quite forsworn!
	For me, that I may surely keep mine oath,
	I will be married to a wealthy widow,
	Ere three days pass, which hath as long loved me
	As I have loved this proud disdainful haggard.
	And so farewell, Signior Lucentio.
	Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks,
	Shall win my love: and so I take my leave,
	In resolution as I swore before.

	[Exit]

TRANIO	Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace
	As 'longeth to a lover's blessed case!
	Nay, I have ta'en you napping, gentle love,
	And have forsworn you with Hortensio.

BIANCA	Tranio, you jest: but have you both forsworn me?

TRANIO	Mistress, we have.

LUCENTIO	                  Then we are rid of Licio.

TRANIO	I' faith, he'll have a lusty widow now,
	That shall be wood and wedded in a day.

BIANCA	God give him joy!

TRANIO	Ay, and he'll tame her.

BIANCA	He says so, Tranio.

TRANIO	Faith, he is gone unto the taming-school.

BIANCA	The taming-school! what, is there such a place?

TRANIO	Ay, mistress, and Petruchio is the master;
	That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long,
	To tame a shrew and charm her chattering tongue.

	[Enter BIONDELLO]

BIONDELLO	O master, master, I have watch'd so long
	That I am dog-weary: but at last I spied
	An ancient angel coming down the hill,
	Will serve the turn.

TRANIO	What is he, Biondello?

BIONDELLO	Master, a mercatante, or a pedant,
	I know not what; but format in apparel,
	In gait and countenance surely like a father.

LUCENTIO	And what of him, Tranio?

TRANIO	If he be credulous and trust my tale,
	I'll make him glad to seem Vincentio,
	And give assurance to Baptista Minola,
	As if he were the right Vincentio
	Take in your love, and then let me alone.

	[Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA]

	[Enter a Pedant]

Pedant	God save you, sir!

TRANIO	                  And you, sir! you are welcome.
	Travel you far on, or are you at the farthest?

Pedant	Sir, at the farthest for a week or two:
	But then up farther, and as for as Rome;
	And so to Tripoli, if God lend me life.

TRANIO	What countryman, I pray?

Pedant	Of Mantua.

TRANIO	Of Mantua, sir? marry, God forbid!
	And come to Padua, careless of your life?

Pedant	My life, sir! how, I pray? for that goes hard.

TRANIO	'Tis death for any one in Mantua
	To come to Padua. Know you not the cause?
	Your ships are stay'd at Venice, and the duke,
	For private quarrel 'twixt your duke and him,
	Hath publish'd and proclaim'd it openly:
	'Tis, marvel, but that you are but newly come,
	You might have heard it else proclaim'd about.

Pedant	Alas! sir, it is worse for me than so;
	For I have bills for money by exchange
	From Florence and must here deliver them.

TRANIO	Well, sir, to do you courtesy,
	This will I do, and this I will advise you:
	First, tell me, have you ever been at Pisa?
Pedant	Ay, sir, in Pisa have I often been,
	Pisa renowned for grave citizens.

TRANIO	Among them know you one Vincentio?

Pedant	I know him not, but I have heard of him;
	A merchant of incomparable wealth.

TRANIO	He is my father, sir; and, sooth to say,
	In countenance somewhat doth resemble you.

BIONDELLO	[Aside]  As much as an apple doth an oyster,
	and all one.

TRANIO	To save your life in this extremity,
	This favour will I do you for his sake;
	And think it not the worst of an your fortunes
	That you are like to Sir Vincentio.
	His name and credit shall you undertake,
	And in my house you shall be friendly lodged:
	Look that you take upon you as you should;
	You understand me, sir: so shall you stay
	Till you have done your business in the city:
	If this be courtesy, sir, accept of it.

Pedant	O sir, I do; and will repute you ever
	The patron of my life and liberty.

TRANIO	Then go with me to make the matter good.
	This, by the way, I let you understand;
	my father is here look'd for every day,
	To pass assurance of a dower in marriage
	'Twixt me and one Baptista's daughter here:
	In all these circumstances I'll instruct you:
	Go with me to clothe you as becomes you.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT IV



SCENE III	A room in PETRUCHIO'S house.


	[Enter KATHARINA and GRUMIO]

GRUMIO	No, no, forsooth; I dare not for my life.

KATHARINA	The more my wrong, the more his spite appears:
	What, did he marry me to famish me?
	Beggars, that come unto my father's door,
	Upon entreaty have a present aims;
	If not, elsewhere they meet with charity:
	But I, who never knew how to entreat,
	Nor never needed that I should entreat,
	Am starved for meat, giddy for lack of sleep,
	With oath kept waking and with brawling fed:
	And that which spites me more than all these wants,
	He does it under name of perfect love;
	As who should say, if I should sleep or eat,
	'Twere deadly sickness or else present death.
	I prithee go and get me some repast;
	I care not what, so it be wholesome food.

GRUMIO	What say you to a neat's foot?

KATHARINA	'Tis passing good: I prithee let me have it.

GRUMIO	I fear it is too choleric a meat.
	How say you to a fat tripe finely broil'd?

KATHARINA	I like it well: good Grumio, fetch it me.

GRUMIO	I cannot tell; I fear 'tis choleric.
	What say you to a piece of beef and mustard?

KATHARINA	A dish that I do love to feed upon.

GRUMIO	Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little.

KATHARINA	Why then, the beef, and let the mustard rest.

GRUMIO	Nay then, I will not: you shall have the mustard,
	Or else you get no beef of Grumio.

KATHARINA	Then both, or one, or any thing thou wilt.

GRUMIO	Why then, the mustard without the beef.

KATHARINA	Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave,

	[Beats him]

	That feed'st me with the very name of meat:
	Sorrow on thee and all the pack of you,
	That triumph thus upon my misery!
	Go, get thee gone, I say.

	[Enter PETRUCHIO and HORTENSIO with meat]

PETRUCHIO	How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all amort?

HORTENSIO	Mistress, what cheer?

KATHARINA	Faith, as cold as can be.

PETRUCHIO	Pluck up thy spirits; look cheerfully upon me.
	Here love; thou see'st how diligent I am
	To dress thy meat myself and bring it thee:
	I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks.
	What, not a word? Nay, then thou lovest it not;
	And all my pains is sorted to no proof.
	Here, take away this dish.

KATHARINA	I pray you, let it stand.

PETRUCHIO	The poorest service is repaid with thanks;
	And so shall mine, before you touch the meat.

KATHARINA	I thank you, sir.

HORTENSIO	Signior Petruchio, fie! you are to blame.
	Come, mistress Kate, I'll bear you company.

PETRUCHIO	[Aside]  Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lovest me.
	Much good do it unto thy gentle heart!
	Kate, eat apace: and now, my honey love,
	Will we return unto thy father's house
	And revel it as bravely as the best,
	With silken coats and caps and golden rings,
	With ruffs and cuffs and fardingales and things;
	With scarfs and fans and double change of bravery,
	With amber bracelets, beads and all this knavery.
	What, hast thou dined? The tailor stays thy leisure,
	To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure.

	[Enter Tailor]

	Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments;
	Lay forth the gown.

	[Enter Haberdasher]

	What news with you, sir?

Haberdasher	Here is the cap your worship did bespeak.

PETRUCHIO	Why, this was moulded on a porringer;
	A velvet dish: fie, fie! 'tis lewd and filthy:
	Why, 'tis a cockle or a walnut-shell,
	A knack, a toy, a trick, a baby's cap:
	Away with it! come, let me have a bigger.

KATHARINA	I'll have no bigger: this doth fit the time,
	And gentlewomen wear such caps as these

PETRUCHIO	When you are gentle, you shall have one too,
	And not till then.

HORTENSIO	[Aside]  That will not be in haste.

KATHARINA	Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak;
	And speak I will; I am no child, no babe:
	Your betters have endured me say my mind,
	And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.
	My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,
	Or else my heart concealing it will break,
	And rather than it shall, I will be free
	Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.

PETRUCHIO	Why, thou say'st true; it is a paltry cap,
	A custard-coffin, a bauble, a silken pie:
	I love thee well, in that thou likest it not.

KATHARINA	Love me or love me not, I like the cap;
	And it I will have, or I will have none.

	[Exit Haberdasher]

PETRUCHIO	Thy gown? why, ay: come, tailor, let us see't.
	O mercy, God! what masquing stuff is here?
	What's this? a sleeve? 'tis like a demi-cannon:
	What, up and down, carved like an apple-tart?
	Here's snip and nip and cut and slish and slash,
	Like to a censer in a barber's shop:
	Why, what, i' devil's name, tailor, call'st thou this?

HORTENSIO	[Aside]  I see she's like to have neither cap nor gown.

Tailor	You bid me make it orderly and well,
	According to the fashion and the time.

PETRUCHIO	Marry, and did; but if you be remember'd,
	I did not bid you mar it to the time.
	Go, hop me over every kennel home,
	For you shall hop without my custom, sir:
	I'll none of it: hence! make your best of it.

KATHARINA	I never saw a better-fashion'd gown,
	More quaint, more pleasing, nor more commendable:
	Belike you mean to make a puppet of me.

PETRUCHIO	Why, true; he means to make a puppet of thee.

Tailor	She says your worship means to make
	a puppet of her.

PETRUCHIO	O monstrous arrogance! Thou liest, thou thread,
	thou thimble,
	Thou yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail!
	Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter-cricket thou!
	Braved in mine own house with a skein of thread?
	Away, thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant;
	Or I shall so be-mete thee with thy yard
	As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou livest!
	I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr'd her gown.

Tailor	Your worship is deceived; the gown is made
	Just as my master had direction:
	Grumio gave order how it should be done.

GRUMIO	I gave him no order; I gave him the stuff.

Tailor	But how did you desire it should be made?

GRUMIO	Marry, sir, with needle and thread.

Tailor	But did you not request to have it cut?

GRUMIO	Thou hast faced many things.

Tailor	I have.

GRUMIO	Face not me: thou hast braved many men; brave not
	me; I will neither be faced nor braved. I say unto
	thee, I bid thy master cut out the gown; but I did
	not bid him cut it to pieces: ergo, thou liest.

Tailor	Why, here is the note of the fashion to testify

PETRUCHIO	Read it.

GRUMIO	The note lies in's throat, if he say I said so.

Tailor	[Reads]  'Imprimis, a loose-bodied gown:'

GRUMIO	Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sew me in
	the skirts of it, and beat me to death with a bottom
	of brown thread: I said a gown.

PETRUCHIO	Proceed.

Tailor	[Reads]  'With a small compassed cape:'

GRUMIO	I confess the cape.

Tailor	[Reads]  'With a trunk sleeve:'

GRUMIO	I confess two sleeves.

Tailor	[Reads]  'The sleeves curiously cut.'

PETRUCHIO	Ay, there's the villany.

GRUMIO	Error i' the bill, sir; error i' the bill.
	I commanded the sleeves should be cut out and
	sewed up again; and that I'll prove upon thee,
	though thy little finger be armed in a thimble.

Tailor	This is true that I say: an I had thee
	in place where, thou shouldst know it.

GRUMIO	I am for thee straight: take thou the
	bill, give me thy mete-yard, and spare not me.

HORTENSIO	God-a-mercy, Grumio! then he shall have no odds.

PETRUCHIO	Well, sir, in brief, the gown is not for me.

GRUMIO	You are i' the right, sir: 'tis for my mistress.

PETRUCHIO	Go, take it up unto thy master's use.

GRUMIO	Villain, not for thy life: take up my mistress'
	gown for thy master's use!

PETRUCHIO	Why, sir, what's your conceit in that?

GRUMIO	O, sir, the conceit is deeper than you think for:
	Take up my mistress' gown to his master's use!
	O, fie, fie, fie!

PETRUCHIO	[Aside]  Hortensio, say thou wilt see the tailor paid.
	Go take it hence; be gone, and say no more.

HORTENSIO	Tailor, I'll pay thee for thy gown tomorrow:
	Take no unkindness of his hasty words:
	Away! I say; commend me to thy master.

	[Exit Tailor]

PETRUCHIO	Well, come, my Kate; we will unto your father's
	Even in these honest mean habiliments:
	Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor;
	For 'tis the mind that makes the body rich;
	And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,
	So honour peereth in the meanest habit.
	What is the jay more precious than the lark,
	Because his fathers are more beautiful?
	Or is the adder better than the eel,
	Because his painted skin contents the eye?
	O, no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse
	For this poor furniture and mean array.
	if thou account'st it shame. lay it on me;
	And therefore frolic: we will hence forthwith,
	To feast and sport us at thy father's house.
	Go, call my men, and let us straight to him;
	And bring our horses unto Long-lane end;
	There will we mount, and thither walk on foot
	Let's see; I think 'tis now some seven o'clock,
	And well we may come there by dinner-time.

KATHARINA	I dare assure you, sir, 'tis almost two;
	And 'twill be supper-time ere you come there.

PETRUCHIO	It shall be seven ere I go to horse:
	Look, what I speak, or do, or think to do,
	You are still crossing it. Sirs, let't alone:
	I will not go to-day; and ere I do,
	It shall be what o'clock I say it is.

HORTENSIO	[Aside]  Why, so this gallant will command the sun.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT IV



SCENE IV	Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house.


	[Enter TRANIO, and the Pedant dressed like VINCENTIO]

TRANIO	Sir, this is the house: please it you that I call?

Pedant	Ay, what else? and but I be deceived
	Signior Baptista may remember me,
	Near twenty years ago, in Genoa,
	Where we were lodgers at the Pegasus.

TRANIO	'Tis well; and hold your own, in any case,
	With such austerity as 'longeth to a father.

Pedant	I warrant you.

	[Enter BIONDELLO]

	But, sir, here comes your boy;
	'Twere good he were school'd.

TRANIO	Fear you not him. Sirrah Biondello,
	Now do your duty throughly, I advise you:
	Imagine 'twere the right Vincentio.

BIONDELLO	Tut, fear not me.

TRANIO	But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista?

BIONDELLO	I told him that your father was at Venice,
	And that you look'd for him this day in Padua.

TRANIO	Thou'rt a tall fellow: hold thee that to drink.
	Here comes Baptista: set your countenance, sir.

	[Enter BAPTISTA and LUCENTIO]

	Signior Baptista, you are happily met.

	[To the Pedant]

	Sir, this is the gentleman I told you of:
	I pray you stand good father to me now,
	Give me Bianca for my patrimony.

Pedant	Soft son!
	Sir, by your leave: having come to Padua
	To gather in some debts, my son Lucentio
	Made me acquainted with a weighty cause
	Of love between your daughter and himself:
	And, for the good report I hear of you
	And for the love he beareth to your daughter
	And she to him, to stay him not too long,
	I am content, in a good father's care,
	To have him match'd; and if you please to like
	No worse than I, upon some agreement
	Me shall you find ready and willing
	With one consent to have her so bestow'd;
	For curious I cannot be with you,
	Signior Baptista, of whom I hear so well.

BAPTISTA	Sir, pardon me in what I have to say:
	Your plainness and your shortness please me well.
	Right true it is, your son Lucentio here
	Doth love my daughter and she loveth him,
	Or both dissemble deeply their affections:
	And therefore, if you say no more than this,
	That like a father you will deal with him
	And pass my daughter a sufficient dower,
	The match is made, and all is done:
	Your son shall have my daughter with consent.

TRANIO	I thank you, sir. Where then do you know best
	We be affied and such assurance ta'en
	As shall with either part's agreement stand?

BAPTISTA	Not in my house, Lucentio; for, you know,
	Pitchers have ears, and I have many servants:
	Besides, old Gremio is hearkening still;
	And happily we might be interrupted.

TRANIO	Then at my lodging, an it like you:
	There doth my father lie; and there, this night,
	We'll pass the business privately and well.
	Send for your daughter by your servant here:
	My boy shall fetch the scrivener presently.
	The worst is this, that, at so slender warning,
	You are like to have a thin and slender pittance.

BAPTISTA	It likes me well. Biondello, hie you home,
	And bid Bianca make her ready straight;
	And, if you will, tell what hath happened,
	Lucentio's father is arrived in Padua,
	And how she's like to be Lucentio's wife.

BIONDELLO	I pray the gods she may with all my heart!

TRANIO	Dally not with the gods, but get thee gone.

	[Exit BIONDELLO]

	Signior Baptista, shall I lead the way?
	Welcome! one mess is like to be your cheer:
	Come, sir; we will better it in Pisa.

BAPTISTA	I follow you.

	[Exeunt TRANIO, Pedant, and BAPTISTA]

	[Re-enter BIONDELLO]

BIONDELLO	Cambio!

LUCENTIO	What sayest thou, Biondello?

BIONDELLO	You saw my master wink and laugh upon you?

LUCENTIO	Biondello, what of that?

BIONDELLO	Faith, nothing; but has left me here behind, to
	expound the meaning or moral of his signs and tokens.

LUCENTIO	I pray thee, moralize them.

BIONDELLO	Then thus. Baptista is safe, talking with the
	deceiving father of a deceitful son.

LUCENTIO	And what of him?

BIONDELLO	His daughter is to be brought by you to the supper.

LUCENTIO	And then?

BIONDELLO	The old priest of Saint Luke's church is at your
	command at all hours.

LUCENTIO	And what of all this?

BIONDELLO	I cannot tell; expect they are busied about a
	counterfeit assurance: take you assurance of her,
	'cum privilegio ad imprimendum solum:' to the
	church; take the priest, clerk, and some sufficient
	honest witnesses: If this be not that you look for,
	I have no more to say, But bid Bianca farewell for
	ever and a day.

LUCENTIO	Hearest thou, Biondello?

BIONDELLO	I cannot tarry: I knew a wench married in an
	afternoon as she went to the garden for parsley to
	stuff a rabbit; and so may you, sir: and so, adieu,
	sir. My master hath appointed me to go to Saint
	Luke's, to bid the priest be ready to come against
	you come with your appendix.

	[Exit]

LUCENTIO	I may, and will, if she be so contented:
	She will be pleased; then wherefore should I doubt?
	Hap what hap may, I'll roundly go about her:
	It shall go hard if Cambio go without her.

	[Exit]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT IV



SCENE V	A public road.


	[Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, HORTENSIO, and Servants]

PETRUCHIO	Come on, i' God's name; once more toward our father's.
	Good Lord, how bright and goodly shines the moon!

KATHARINA	The moon! the sun: it is not moonlight now.

PETRUCHIO	I say it is the moon that shines so bright.

KATHARINA	I know it is the sun that shines so bright.

PETRUCHIO	Now, by my mother's son, and that's myself,
	It shall be moon, or star, or what I list,
	Or ere I journey to your father's house.
	Go on, and fetch our horses back again.
	Evermore cross'd and cross'd; nothing but cross'd!

HORTENSIO	Say as he says, or we shall never go.

KATHARINA	Forward, I pray, since we have come so far,
	And be it moon, or sun, or what you please:
	An if you please to call it a rush-candle,
	Henceforth I vow it shall be so for me.

PETRUCHIO	I say it is the moon.

KATHARINA	I know it is the moon.

PETRUCHIO	Nay, then you lie: it is the blessed sun.

KATHARINA	Then, God be bless'd, it is the blessed sun:
	But sun it is not, when you say it is not;
	And the moon changes even as your mind.
	What you will have it named, even that it is;
	And so it shall be so for Katharina.

HORTENSIO	Petruchio, go thy ways; the field is won.

PETRUCHIO	Well, forward, forward! thus the bowl should run,
	And not unluckily against the bias.
	But, soft! company is coming here.

	[Enter VINCENTIO]

	[To VINCENTIO]

	Good morrow, gentle mistress: where away?
	Tell me, sweet Kate, and tell me truly too,
	Hast thou beheld a fresher gentlewoman?
	Such war of white and red within her cheeks!
	What stars do spangle heaven with such beauty,
	As those two eyes become that heavenly face?
	Fair lovely maid, once more good day to thee.
	Sweet Kate, embrace her for her beauty's sake.

HORTENSIO	A' will make the man mad, to make a woman of him.

KATHARINA	Young budding virgin, fair and fresh and sweet,
	Whither away, or where is thy abode?
	Happy the parents of so fair a child;
	Happier the man, whom favourable stars
	Allot thee for his lovely bed-fellow!

PETRUCHIO	Why, how now, Kate! I hope thou art not mad:
	This is a man, old, wrinkled, faded, wither'd,
	And not a maiden, as thou say'st he is.

KATHARINA	Pardon, old father, my mistaking eyes,
	That have been so bedazzled with the sun
	That everything I look on seemeth green:
	Now I perceive thou art a reverend father;
	Pardon, I pray thee, for my mad mistaking.

PETRUCHIO	Do, good old grandsire; and withal make known
	Which way thou travellest: if along with us,
	We shall be joyful of thy company.

VINCENTIO	Fair sir, and you my merry mistress,
	That with your strange encounter much amazed me,
	My name is call'd Vincentio; my dwelling Pisa;
	And bound I am to Padua; there to visit
	A son of mine, which long I have not seen.

PETRUCHIO	What is his name?

VINCENTIO	                  Lucentio, gentle sir.

PETRUCHIO	Happily we met; the happier for thy son.
	And now by law, as well as reverend age,
	I may entitle thee my loving father:
	The sister to my wife, this gentlewoman,
	Thy son by this hath married. Wonder not,
	Nor be grieved: she is of good esteem,
	Her dowery wealthy, and of worthy birth;
	Beside, so qualified as may beseem
	The spouse of any noble gentleman.
	Let me embrace with old Vincentio,
	And wander we to see thy honest son,
	Who will of thy arrival be full joyous.

VINCENTIO	But is it true? or else is it your pleasure,
	Like pleasant travellers, to break a jest
	Upon the company you overtake?

HORTENSIO	I do assure thee, father, so it is.

PETRUCHIO	Come, go along, and see the truth hereof;
	For our first merriment hath made thee jealous.

	[Exeunt all but HORTENSIO]

HORTENSIO	Well, Petruchio, this has put me in heart.
	Have to my widow! and if she be froward,
	Then hast thou taught Hortensio to be untoward.

	[Exit]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT V



SCENE I	Padua. Before LUCENTIO'S house.


	[GREMIO discovered. Enter behind BIONDELLO,
	LUCENTIO, and BIANCA]

BIONDELLO	Softly and swiftly, sir; for the priest is ready.

LUCENTIO	I fly, Biondello: but they may chance to need thee
	at home; therefore leave us.

BIONDELLO	Nay, faith, I'll see the church o' your back; and
	then come back to my master's as soon as I can.

	[Exeunt LUCENTIO, BIANCA, and BIONDELLO]

GREMIO	I marvel Cambio comes not all this while.

	[Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, VINCENTIO, GRUMIO,
	with Attendants]

PETRUCHIO	Sir, here's the door, this is Lucentio's house:
	My father's bears more toward the market-place;
	Thither must I, and here I leave you, sir.

VINCENTIO	You shall not choose but drink before you go:
	I think I shall command your welcome here,
	And, by all likelihood, some cheer is toward.

	[Knocks]

GREMIO	They're busy within; you were best knock louder.

	[Pedant looks out of the window]

Pedant	What's he that knocks as he would beat down the gate?

VINCENTIO	Is Signior Lucentio within, sir?

Pedant	He's within, sir, but not to be spoken withal.

VINCENTIO	What if a man bring him a hundred pound or two, to
	make merry withal?

Pedant	Keep your hundred pounds to yourself: he shall
	need none, so long as I live.

PETRUCHIO	Nay, I told you your son was well beloved in Padua.
	Do you hear, sir? To leave frivolous circumstances,
	I pray you, tell Signior Lucentio that his father is
	come from Pisa, and is here at the door to speak with him.

Pedant	Thou liest: his father is come from Padua and here
	looking out at the window.

VINCENTIO	Art thou his father?

Pedant	Ay, sir; so his mother says, if I may believe her.

PETRUCHIO	[To VINCENTIO]  Why, how now, gentleman! why, this
	is flat knavery, to take upon you another man's name.

Pedant	Lay hands on the villain: I believe a' means to
	cozen somebody in this city under my countenance.

	[Re-enter BIONDELLO]

BIONDELLO	I have seen them in the church together: God send
	'em good shipping! But who is here? mine old
	master Vincentio! now we are undone and brought to nothing.

VINCENTIO	[Seeing BIONDELLO]

	Come hither, crack-hemp.

BIONDELLO	Hope I may choose, sir.

VINCENTIO	Come hither, you rogue. What, have you forgot me?

BIONDELLO	Forgot you! no, sir: I could not forget you, for I
	never saw you before in all my life.

VINCENTIO	What, you notorious villain, didst thou never see
	thy master's father, Vincentio?

BIONDELLO	What, my old worshipful old master? yes, marry, sir:
	see where he looks out of the window.

VINCENTIO	Is't so, indeed.

	[Beats BIONDELLO]

BIONDELLO	Help, help, help! here's a madman will murder me.

	[Exit]

Pedant	Help, son! help, Signior Baptista!

	[Exit from above]

PETRUCHIO	Prithee, Kate, let's stand aside and see the end of
	this controversy.

	[They retire]

	[Re-enter Pedant below; TRANIO, BAPTISTA, and Servants]

TRANIO	Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant?

VINCENTIO	What am I, sir! nay, what are you, sir? O immortal
	gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet! a velvet
	hose! a scarlet cloak! and a copatain hat! O, I
	am undone! I am undone! while I play the good
	husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at
	the university.

TRANIO	How now! what's the matter?

BAPTISTA	What, is the man lunatic?

TRANIO	Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by your
	habit, but your words show you a madman. Why, sir,
	what 'cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I
	thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.

VINCENTIO	Thy father! O villain! he is a sailmaker in Bergamo.

BAPTISTA	You mistake, sir, you mistake, sir. Pray, what do
	you think is his name?

VINCENTIO	His name! as if I knew not his name: I have brought
	him up ever since he was three years old, and his
	name is Tranio.

Pedant	Away, away, mad ass! his name is Lucentio and he is
	mine only son, and heir to the lands of me, Signior Vincentio.

VINCENTIO	Lucentio! O, he hath murdered his master! Lay hold
	on him, I charge you, in the duke's name. O, my
	son, my son! Tell me, thou villain, where is my son Lucentio?

TRANIO	Call forth an officer.

	[Enter one with an Officer]

	Carry this mad knave to the gaol. Father Baptista,
	I charge you see that he be forthcoming.

VINCENTIO	Carry me to the gaol!

GREMIO	Stay, officer: he shall not go to prison.

BAPTISTA	Talk not, Signior Gremio: I say he shall go to prison.

GREMIO	Take heed, Signior Baptista, lest you be
	cony-catched in this business: I dare swear this
	is the right Vincentio.

Pedant	Swear, if thou darest.

GREMIO	Nay, I dare not swear it.

TRANIO	Then thou wert best say that I am not Lucentio.

GREMIO	Yes, I know thee to be Signior Lucentio.

BAPTISTA	Away with the dotard! to the gaol with him!

VINCENTIO	Thus strangers may be hailed and abused: O
	monstrous villain!

	[Re-enter BIONDELLO, with LUCENTIO and BIANCA]

BIONDELLO	O! we are spoiled and--yonder he is: deny him,
	forswear him, or else we are all undone.

LUCENTIO	[Kneeling]  Pardon, sweet father.

VINCENTIO	Lives my sweet son?

	[Exeunt BIONDELLO, TRANIO, and Pedant, as fast
	as may be]

BIANCA	Pardon, dear father.

BAPTISTA	How hast thou offended?
	Where is Lucentio?

LUCENTIO	                  Here's Lucentio,
	Right son to the right Vincentio;
	That have by marriage made thy daughter mine,
	While counterfeit supposes bleared thine eyne.

GREMIO	Here's packing, with a witness to deceive us all!

VINCENTIO	Where is that damned villain Tranio,
	That faced and braved me in this matter so?

BAPTISTA	Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio?

BIANCA	Cambio is changed into Lucentio.

LUCENTIO	Love wrought these miracles. Bianca's love
	Made me exchange my state with Tranio,
	While he did bear my countenance in the town;
	And happily I have arrived at the last
	Unto the wished haven of my bliss.
	What Tranio did, myself enforced him to;
	Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake.

VINCENTIO	I'll slit the villain's nose, that would have sent
	me to the gaol.

BAPTISTA	But do you hear, sir? have you married my daughter
	without asking my good will?

VINCENTIO	Fear not, Baptista; we will content you, go to: but
	I will in, to be revenged for this villany.

	[Exit]

BAPTISTA	And I, to sound the depth of this knavery.

	[Exit]

LUCENTIO	Look not pale, Bianca; thy father will not frown.

	[Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA]

GREMIO	My cake is dough; but I'll in among the rest,
	Out of hope of all, but my share of the feast.

	[Exit]

KATHARINA	Husband, let's follow, to see the end of this ado.

PETRUCHIO	First kiss me, Kate, and we will.

KATHARINA	What, in the midst of the street?

PETRUCHIO	What, art thou ashamed of me?

KATHARINA	No, sir, God forbid; but ashamed to kiss.

PETRUCHIO	Why, then let's home again. Come, sirrah, let's away.

KATHARINA	Nay, I will give thee a kiss: now pray thee, love, stay.

PETRUCHIO	Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate:
	Better once than never, for never too late.

	[Exeunt]




	THE TAMING OF THE SHREW


ACT V



SCENE II	Padua. LUCENTIO'S house.


	[Enter BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, the Pedant,
	LUCENTIO, BIANCA, PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, HORTENSIO,
	and Widow, TRANIO, BIONDELLO, and GRUMIO the
	Serving-men with Tranio bringing in a banquet]

LUCENTIO	At last, though long, our jarring notes agree:
	And time it is, when raging war is done,
	To smile at scapes and perils overblown.
	My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome,
	While I with self-same kindness welcome thine.
	Brother Petruchio, sister Katharina,
	And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow,
	Feast with the best, and welcome to my house:
	My banquet is to close our stomachs up,
	After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down;
	For now we sit to chat as well as eat.

PETRUCHIO	Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!

BAPTISTA	Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.

PETRUCHIO	Padua affords nothing but what is kind.

HORTENSIO	For both our sakes, I would that word were true.

PETRUCHIO	Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.

Widow	Then never trust me, if I be afeard.

PETRUCHIO	You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense:
	I mean, Hortensio is afeard of you.

Widow	He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

PETRUCHIO	Roundly replied.

KATHARINA	                  Mistress, how mean you that?

Widow	Thus I conceive by him.

PETRUCHIO	Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?

HORTENSIO	My widow says, thus she conceives her tale.

PETRUCHIO	Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.

KATHARINA	'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round:'
	I pray you, tell me what you meant by that.

Widow	Your husband, being troubled with a shrew,
	Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe:
	And now you know my meaning,

KATHARINA	A very mean meaning.

Widow	Right, I mean you.

KATHARINA	And I am mean indeed, respecting you.

PETRUCHIO	To her, Kate!

HORTENSIO	To her, widow!

PETRUCHIO	A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.

HORTENSIO	That's my office.

PETRUCHIO	Spoke like an officer; ha' to thee, lad!

	[Drinks to HORTENSIO]

BAPTISTA	How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?

GREMIO	Believe me, sir, they butt together well.

BIANCA	Head, and butt! an hasty-witted body
	Would say your head and butt were head and horn.

VINCENTIO	Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken'd you?

BIANCA	Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I'll sleep again.

PETRUCHIO	Nay, that you shall not: since you have begun,
	Have at you for a bitter jest or two!

BIANCA	Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush;
	And then pursue me as you draw your bow.
	You are welcome all.

	[Exeunt BIANCA, KATHARINA, and Widow]

PETRUCHIO	She hath prevented me. Here, Signior Tranio.
	This bird you aim'd at, though you hit her not;
	Therefore a health to all that shot and miss'd.

TRANIO	O, sir, Lucentio slipp'd me like his greyhound,
	Which runs himself and catches for his master.

PETRUCHIO	A good swift simile, but something currish.

TRANIO	'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself:
	'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.

BAPTISTA	O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.

LUCENTIO	I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.

HORTENSIO	Confess, confess, hath he not hit you here?

PETRUCHIO	A' has a little gall'd me, I confess;
	And, as the jest did glance away from me,
	'Tis ten to one it maim'd you two outright.

BAPTISTA	Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio,
	I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.

PETRUCHIO	Well, I say no: and therefore for assurance
	Let's each one send unto his wife;
	And he whose wife is most obedient
	To come at first when he doth send for her,
	Shall win the wager which we will propose.

HORTENSIO	Content. What is the wager?

LUCENTIO	Twenty crowns.

PETRUCHIO	Twenty crowns!
	I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound,
	But twenty times so much upon my wife.

LUCENTIO	A hundred then.

HORTENSIO	                  Content.

PETRUCHIO	A match! 'tis done.

HORTENSIO	Who shall begin?

LUCENTIO	                  That will I.
	Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.

BIONDELLO	I go.

	[Exit]

BAPTISTA	Son, I'll be your half, Bianca comes.

LUCENTIO	I'll have no halves; I'll bear it all myself.

	[Re-enter BIONDELLO]

	How now! what news?

BIONDELLO	Sir, my mistress sends you word
	That she is busy and she cannot come.

PETRUCHIO	How! she is busy and she cannot come!
	Is that an answer?

GREMIO	                  Ay, and a kind one too:
	Pray God, sir, your wife send you not a worse.

PETRUCHIO	I hope better.

HORTENSIO	Sirrah Biondello, go and entreat my wife
	To come to me forthwith.

	[Exit BIONDELLO]

PETRUCHIO	O, ho! entreat her!
	Nay, then she must needs come.

HORTENSIO	I am afraid, sir,
	Do what you can, yours will not be entreated.

	[Re-enter BIONDELLO]

	Now, where's my wife?

BIONDELLO	She says you have some goodly jest in hand:
	She will not come: she bids you come to her.

PETRUCHIO	Worse and worse; she will not come! O vile,
	Intolerable, not to be endured!
	Sirrah Grumio, go to your mistress;
	Say, I command her to come to me.

	[Exit GRUMIO]

HORTENSIO	I know her answer.

PETRUCHIO	                  What?

HORTENSIO	She will not.

PETRUCHIO	The fouler fortune mine, and there an end.

BAPTISTA	Now, by my holidame, here comes Katharina!

	[Re-enter KATARINA]

KATHARINA	What is your will, sir, that you send for me?

PETRUCHIO	Where is your sister, and Hortensio's wife?

KATHARINA	They sit conferring by the parlor fire.

PETRUCHIO	Go fetch them hither: if they deny to come.
	Swinge me them soundly forth unto their husbands:
	Away, I say, and bring them hither straight.

	[Exit KATHARINA]

LUCENTIO	Here is a wonder, if you talk of a wonder.

HORTENSIO	And so it is: I wonder what it bodes.

PETRUCHIO	Marry, peace it bodes, and love and quiet life,
	And awful rule and right supremacy;
	And, to be short, what not, that's sweet and happy?

BAPTISTA	Now, fair befal thee, good Petruchio!
	The wager thou hast won; and I will add
	Unto their losses twenty thousand crowns;
	Another dowry to another daughter,
	For she is changed, as she had never been.

PETRUCHIO	Nay, I will win my wager better yet
	And show more sign of her obedience,
	Her new-built virtue and obedience.
	See where she comes and brings your froward wives
	As prisoners to her womanly persuasion.

	[Re-enter KATHARINA, with BIANCA and Widow]

	Katharina, that cap of yours becomes you not:
	Off with that bauble, throw it under-foot.

Widow	Lord, let me never have a cause to sigh,
	Till I be brought to such a silly pass!

BIANCA	Fie! what a foolish duty call you this?

LUCENTIO	I would your duty were as foolish too:
	The wisdom of your duty, fair Bianca,
	Hath cost me an hundred crowns since supper-time.

BIANCA	The more fool you, for laying on my duty.

PETRUCHIO	Katharina, I charge thee, tell these headstrong women
	What duty they do owe their lords and husbands.

Widow	Come, come, you're mocking: we will have no telling.

PETRUCHIO	Come on, I say; and first begin with her.

Widow	She shall not.

PETRUCHIO	I say she shall: and first begin with her.

KATHARINA	Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
	And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
	To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:
	It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
	Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
	And in no sense is meet or amiable.
	A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
	Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
	And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
	Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
	Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
	Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
	And for thy maintenance commits his body
	To painful labour both by sea and land,
	To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
	Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
	And craves no other tribute at thy hands
	But love, fair looks and true obedience;
	Too little payment for so great a debt.
	Such duty as the subject owes the prince
	Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
	And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
	And not obedient to his honest will,
	What is she but a foul contending rebel
	And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
	I am ashamed that women are so simple
	To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
	Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
	When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
	Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
	Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
	But that our soft conditions and our hearts
	Should well agree with our external parts?
	Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
	My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
	My heart as great, my reason haply more,
	To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
	But now I see our lances are but straws,
	Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
	That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
	Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
	And place your hands below your husband's foot:
	In token of which duty, if he please,
	My hand is ready; may it do him ease.

PETRUCHIO	Why, there's a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate.

LUCENTIO	Well, go thy ways, old lad; for thou shalt ha't.

VINCENTIO	'Tis a good hearing when children are toward.

LUCENTIO	But a harsh hearing when women are froward.

PETRUCHIO	Come, Kate, we'll to bed.
	We three are married, but you two are sped.

	[To LUCENTIO]

	'Twas I won the wager, though you hit the white;
	And, being a winner, God give you good night!

	[Exeunt PETRUCHIO and KATHARINA]

HORTENSIO	Now, go thy ways; thou hast tamed a curst shrew.

LUCENTIO	'Tis a wonder, by your leave, she will be tamed so.

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


SOLINUS	Duke of Ephesus. (DUKE SOLINUS:)

AEGEON	a merchant of Syracuse.


ANTIPHOLUS	|
OF EPHESUS	|
	|  twin brothers, and sons to AEgeon and AEmilia.
ANTIPHOLUS	|
OF SYRACUSE	|


DROMIO OF EPHESUS	|
	|  twin brothers, and attendants on the two Antipholuses.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	|


BALTHAZAR	a merchant

ANGELO	a goldsmith.

First Merchant	friend to Antipholus of Syracuse.

Second Merchant	to whom Angelo is a debtor.

PINCH	a schoolmaster.

AEMILIA	wife to AEgeon, an abbess at Ephesus.

ADRIANA	wife to Antipholus of Ephesus.

LUCIANA	her sister.

LUCE	servant to Adriana.

	A Courtezan.

	Gaoler, Officers, and other Attendants
	(Gaoler:)
	(Officer:)
	(Servant:)

SCENE	Ephesus.




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT I



SCENE I	A hall in DUKE SOLINUS'S palace.


	[Enter DUKE SOLINUS, AEGEON, Gaoler, Officers, and other
	Attendants]

AEGEON	Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall
	And by the doom of death end woes and all.

DUKE SOLINUS	Merchant of Syracuse, plead no more;
	I am not partial to infringe our laws:
	The enmity and discord which of late
	Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
	To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
	Who wanting guilders to redeem their lives
	Have seal'd his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
	Excludes all pity from our threatening looks.
	For, since the mortal and intestine jars
	'Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
	It hath in solemn synods been decreed
	Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
	To admit no traffic to our adverse towns Nay, more,
	If any born at Ephesus be seen
	At any Syracusian marts and fairs;
	Again: if any Syracusian born
	Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
	His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose,
	Unless a thousand marks be levied,
	To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
	Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
	Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
	Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.

AEGEON	Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,
	My woes end likewise with the evening sun.

DUKE SOLINUS	Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
	Why thou departed'st from thy native home
	And for what cause thou camest to Ephesus.

AEGEON	A heavier task could not have been imposed
	Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
	Yet, that the world may witness that my end
	Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
	I'll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
	In Syracusa was I born, and wed
	Unto a woman, happy but for me,
	And by me, had not our hap been bad.
	With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
	By prosperous voyages I often made
	To Epidamnum; till my factor's death
	And the great care of goods at random left
	Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
	From whom my absence was not six months old
	Before herself, almost at fainting under
	The pleasing punishment that women bear,
	Had made provision for her following me
	And soon and safe arrived where I was.
	There had she not been long, but she became
	A joyful mother of two goodly sons;
	And, which was strange, the one so like the other,
	As could not be distinguish'd but by names.
	That very hour, and in the self-same inn,
	A meaner woman was delivered
	Of such a burden, male twins, both alike:
	Those,--for their parents were exceeding poor,--
	I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
	My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
	Made daily motions for our home return:
	Unwilling I agreed. Alas! too soon,
	We came aboard.
	A league from Epidamnum had we sail'd,
	Before the always wind-obeying deep
	Gave any tragic instance of our harm:
	But longer did we not retain much hope;
	For what obscured light the heavens did grant
	Did but convey unto our fearful minds
	A doubtful warrant of immediate death;
	Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
	Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
	Weeping before for what she saw must come,
	And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
	That mourn'd for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
	Forced me to seek delays for them and me.
	And this it was, for other means was none:
	The sailors sought for safety by our boat,
	And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us:
	My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
	Had fasten'd him unto a small spare mast,
	Such as seafaring men provide for storms;
	To him one of the other twins was bound,
	Whilst I had been like heedful of the other:
	The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
	Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fix'd,
	Fasten'd ourselves at either end the mast;
	And floating straight, obedient to the stream,
	Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
	At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,
	Dispersed those vapours that offended us;
	And by the benefit of his wished light,
	The seas wax'd calm, and we discovered
	Two ships from far making amain to us,
	Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this:
	But ere they came,--O, let me say no more!
	Gather the sequel by that went before.

DUKE SOLINUS	Nay, forward, old man; do not break off so;
	For we may pity, though not pardon thee.

AEGEON	O, had the gods done so, I had not now
	Worthily term'd them merciless to us!
	For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,
	We were encounterd by a mighty rock;
	Which being violently borne upon,
	Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
	So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
	Fortune had left to both of us alike
	What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
	Her part, poor soul! seeming as burdened
	With lesser weight but not with lesser woe,
	Was carried with more speed before the wind;
	And in our sight they three were taken up
	By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
	At length, another ship had seized on us;
	And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
	Gave healthful welcome to their shipwreck'd guests;
	And would have reft the fishers of their prey,
	Had not their bark been very slow of sail;
	And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
	Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss;
	That by misfortunes was my life prolong'd,
	To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.

DUKE SOLINUS	And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
	Do me the favour to dilate at full
	What hath befall'n of them and thee till now.

AEGEON	My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
	At eighteen years became inquisitive
	After his brother: and importuned me
	That his attendant--so his case was like,
	Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name--
	Might bear him company in the quest of him:
	Whom whilst I labour'd of a love to see,
	I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
	Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece,
	Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
	And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus;
	Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
	Or that or any place that harbours men.
	But here must end the story of my life;
	And happy were I in my timely death,
	Could all my travels warrant me they live.

DUKE SOLINUS	Hapless AEgeon, whom the fates have mark'd
	To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
	Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
	Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
	Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
	My soul would sue as advocate for thee.
	But, though thou art adjudged to the death
	And passed sentence may not be recall'd
	But to our honour's great disparagement,
	Yet I will favour thee in what I can.
	Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
	To seek thy life by beneficial help:
	Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
	Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
	And live; if no, then thou art doom'd to die.
	Gaoler, take him to thy custody.

Gaoler	I will, my lord.

AEGEON	Hopeless and helpless doth AEgeon wend,
	But to procrastinate his lifeless end.

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT I



SCENE II	The Mart.


	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, DROMIO of Syracuse,
	and First Merchant]

First Merchant	Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,
	Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
	This very day a Syracusian merchant
	Is apprehended for arrival here;
	And not being able to buy out his life
	According to the statute of the town,
	Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
	There is your money that I had to keep.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
	And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
	Within this hour it will be dinner-time:
	Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,
	Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
	And then return and sleep within mine inn,
	For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
	Get thee away.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Many a man would take you at your word,
	And go indeed, having so good a mean.

	[Exit]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
	When I am dull with care and melancholy,
	Lightens my humour with his merry jests.
	What, will you walk with me about the town,
	And then go to my inn and dine with me?

First Merchant	I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
	Of whom I hope to make much benefit;
	I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,
	Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart
	And afterward consort you till bed-time:
	My present business calls me from you now.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Farewell till then: I will go lose myself
	And wander up and down to view the city.

First Merchant	Sir, I commend you to your own content.

	[Exit]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	He that commends me to mine own content
	Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
	I to the world am like a drop of water
	That in the ocean seeks another drop,
	Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
	Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:
	So I, to find a mother and a brother,
	In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]

	Here comes the almanac of my true date.
	What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:
	The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,
	The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
	My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
	She is so hot because the meat is cold;
	The meat is cold because you come not home;
	You come not home because you have no stomach;
	You have no stomach having broke your fast;
	But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
	Are penitent for your default to-day.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:
	Where have you left the money that I gave you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last
	To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
	The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I am not in a sportive humour now:
	Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
	We being strangers here, how darest thou trust
	So great a charge from thine own custody?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I pray you, air, as you sit at dinner:
	I from my mistress come to you in post;
	If I return, I shall be post indeed,
	For she will score your fault upon my pate.
	Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
	And strike you home without a messenger.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
	Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
	Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
	And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
	Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
	My mistress and her sister stays for you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	In what safe place you have bestow'd my money,
	Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
	That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
	Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
	Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
	But not a thousand marks between you both.
	If I should pay your worship those again,
	Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?


DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
	She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
	And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
	Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!
	Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.

	[Exit]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Upon my life, by some device or other
	The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
	They say this town is full of cozenage,
	As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
	Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
	Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
	Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
	And many such-like liberties of sin:
	If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
	I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
	I greatly fear my money is not safe.

	[Exit]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT II



SCENE I	The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.


	[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]

ADRIANA	Neither my husband nor the slave return'd,
	That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
	Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.

LUCIANA	Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
	And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.
	Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
	A man is master of his liberty:
	Time is their master, and, when they see time,
	They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.

ADRIANA	Why should their liberty than ours be more?

LUCIANA	Because their business still lies out o' door.

ADRIANA	Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.

LUCIANA	O, know he is the bridle of your will.

ADRIANA	There's none but asses will be bridled so.

LUCIANA	Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe.
	There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
	But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:
	The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,
	Are their males' subjects and at their controls:
	Men, more divine, the masters of all these,
	Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,
	Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
	Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
	Are masters to their females, and their lords:
	Then let your will attend on their accords.

ADRIANA	This servitude makes you to keep unwed.

LUCIANA	Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.

ADRIANA	But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.

LUCIANA	Ere I learn love, I'll practise to obey.

ADRIANA	How if your husband start some other where?

LUCIANA	Till he come home again, I would forbear.

ADRIANA	Patience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;
	They can be meek that have no other cause.
	A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
	We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
	But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
	As much or more would we ourselves complain:
	So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
	With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me,
	But, if thou live to see like right bereft,
	This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.

LUCIANA	Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
	Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.

	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]

ADRIANA	Say, is your tardy master now at hand?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears
	can witness.

ADRIANA	Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:
	Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.

LUCIANA	Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
	blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
	understand them.

ADRIANA	But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he
	hath great care to please his wife.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.

ADRIANA	Horn-mad, thou villain!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I mean not cuckold-mad;
	But, sure, he is stark mad.
	When I desired him to come home to dinner,
	He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
	''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
	'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
	'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
	'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'
	'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
	'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
	I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'

LUCIANA	Quoth who?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Quoth my master:
	'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
	So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
	I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
	For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.

ADRIANA	Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Go back again, and be new beaten home?
	For God's sake, send some other messenger.

ADRIANA	Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And he will bless that cross with other beating:
	Between you I shall have a holy head.

ADRIANA	Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Am I so round with you as you with me,
	That like a football you do spurn me thus?
	You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
	If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.

	[Exit]

LUCIANA	Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!

ADRIANA	His company must do his minions grace,
	Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
	Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
	From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:
	Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
	If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
	Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard:
	Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
	That's not my fault: he's master of my state:
	What ruins are in me that can be found,
	By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
	Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
	A sunny look of his would soon repair
	But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
	And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.

LUCIANA	Self-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!

ADRIANA	Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
	I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
	Or else what lets it but he would be here?
	Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
	Would that alone, alone he would detain,
	So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
	I see the jewel best enamelled
	Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still,
	That others touch, and often touching will
	Wear gold: and no man that hath a name,
	By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
	Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
	I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.

LUCIANA	How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT II



SCENE II	A public place.


	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
	Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave
	Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out
	By computation and mine host's report.
	I could not speak with Dromio since at first
	I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]

	How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
	As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
	You know no Centaur? you received no gold?
	Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
	My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
	That thus so madly thou didst answer me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Even now, even here, not half an hour since.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I did not see you since you sent me hence,
	Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
	And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
	For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am glad to see you in this merry vein:
	What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
	Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.

	[Beating him]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Hold, sir, for God's sake! now your jest is earnest:
	Upon what bargain do you give it me?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Because that I familiarly sometimes
	Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
	Your sauciness will jest upon my love
	And make a common of my serious hours.
	When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
	But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
	If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
	And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
	Or I will beat this method in your sconce.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Sconce call you it? so you would leave battering, I
	had rather have it a head: an you use these blows
	long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce
	it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders.
	But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Dost thou not know?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Shall I tell you why?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath
	a wherefore.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Why, first,--for flouting me; and then, wherefore--
	For urging it the second time to me.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
	When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme
	nor reason?
	Well, sir, I thank you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Thank me, sir, for what?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for
	something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	In good time, sir; what's that?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Basting.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	If it be, sir, I pray you, eat none of it.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Your reason?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Lest it make you choleric and purchase me another
	dry basting.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, learn to jest in good time: there's a
	time for all things.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	By what rule, sir?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald
	pate of father Time himself.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Let's hear it.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There's no time for a man to recover his hair that
	grows bald by nature.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	May he not do it by fine and recovery?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig and recover the
	lost hair of another man.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is,
	so plentiful an excrement?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts;
	and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: yet he loseth
	it in a kind of jollity.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	For what reason?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	For two; and sound ones too.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sound, I pray you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Sure ones, then.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Certain ones then.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Name them.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The one, to save the money that he spends in
	trimming; the other, that at dinner they should not
	drop in his porridge.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	You would all this time have proved there is no
	time for all things.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair
	lost by nature.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	But your reason was not substantial, why there is no
	time to recover.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald and therefore
	to the world's end will have bald followers.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:
	But, soft! who wafts us yonder?

	[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]

ADRIANA	Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown:
	Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;
	I am not Adriana nor thy wife.
	The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
	That never words were music to thine ear,
	That never object pleasing in thine eye,
	That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
	That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste,
	Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carved to thee.
	How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it,
	That thou art thus estranged from thyself?
	Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
	That, undividable, incorporate,
	Am better than thy dear self's better part.
	Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
	For know, my love, as easy mayest thou fall
	A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
	And take unmingled that same drop again,
	Without addition or diminishing,
	As take from me thyself and not me too.
	How dearly would it touch me to the quick,
	Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
	And that this body, consecrate to thee,
	By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
	Wouldst thou not spit at me and spurn at me
	And hurl the name of husband in my face
	And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot-brow
	And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring
	And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
	I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it.
	I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;
	My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:
	For if we too be one and thou play false,
	I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
	Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
	Keep then far league and truce with thy true bed;
	I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:
	In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
	As strange unto your town as to your talk;
	Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
	Want wit in all one word to understand.

LUCIANA	Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you!
	When were you wont to use my sister thus?
	She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	By Dromio?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	By me?

ADRIANA	By thee; and this thou didst return from him,
	That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows,
	Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
	What is the course and drift of your compact?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir? I never saw her till this time.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou liest; for even her very words
	Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I never spake with her in all my life.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	How can she thus then call us by our names,
	Unless it be by inspiration.

ADRIANA	How ill agrees it with your gravity
	To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
	Abetting him to thwart me in my mood!
	Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
	But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
	Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine:
	Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
	Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
	Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
	If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
	Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss;
	Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
	Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:
	What, was I married to her in my dream?
	Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
	What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
	Until I know this sure uncertainty,
	I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

LUCIANA	Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
	This is the fairy land: O spite of spites!
	We talk with goblins, owls and sprites:
	If we obey them not, this will ensue,
	They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.

LUCIANA	Why pratest thou to thyself and answer'st not?
	Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am transformed, master, am I not?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I think thou art in mind, and so am I.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Thou hast thine own form.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, I am an ape.

LUCIANA	If thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	'Tis true; she rides me and I long for grass.
	'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
	But I should know her as well as she knows me.

ADRIANA	Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
	To put the finger in the eye and weep,
	Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
	Come, sir, to dinner. Dromio, keep the gate.
	Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
	And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
	Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
	Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
	Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
	Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advised?
	Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
	I'll say as they say and persever so,
	And in this mist at all adventures go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, shall I be porter at the gate?

ADRIANA	Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.

LUCIANA	Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT III



SCENE I	Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.


	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus,
	ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
	My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
	Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
	To see the making of her carcanet,
	And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
	But here's a villain that would face me down
	He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
	And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
	And that I did deny my wife and house.
	Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
	That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
	If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
	Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I think thou art an ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Marry, so it doth appear
	By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
	I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
	You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
	May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

BALTHAZAR	I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your
	welcome dear.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
	A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.

BALTHAZAR	Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

BALTHAZAR	Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
	But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
	Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
	But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
	idiot, patch!
	Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.
	Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
	for such store,
	When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
	the street.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
	catch cold on's feet.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Who talks within there? ho, open the door!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell
	me wherefore.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Nor to-day here you must not; come again
	when you may.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  The porter for this time, sir, and my name
	is Dromio.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.
	The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
	If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
	Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy
	name for an ass.

LUCE	[Within]  What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those
	at the gate?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Let my master in, Luce.

LUCE	[Within]  Faith, no; he comes too late;
	And so tell your master.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O Lord, I must laugh!
	Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff?

LUCE	[Within]  Have at you with another; that's--When?
	can you tell?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hast
	answered him well.

ANTIPHOLUS	Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?
OF EPHESUS

LUCE	[Within]  I thought to have asked you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  And you said no.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Thou baggage, let me in.

LUCE	[Within]  Can you tell for whose sake?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, knock the door hard.

LUCE	[Within]  Let him knock till it ache.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

LUCE	[Within]  What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

ADRIANA	[Within]  Who is that at the door that keeps all
	this noise?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  By my troth, your town is troubled with
	unruly boys.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Are you there, wife? you might have come before.

ADRIANA	[Within]  Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.

ANGELO	Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would
	fain have either.

BALTHAZAR	In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
	Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
	It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
	knave's pate.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind,
	Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon
	thee, hind!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee,
	let me in.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
	For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
	If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.

BALTHAZAR	Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so!
	Herein you war against your reputation
	And draw within the compass of suspect
	The unviolated honour of your wife.
	Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom,
	Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
	Plead on her part some cause to you unknown:
	And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
	Why at this time the doors are made against you.
	Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
	And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
	And about evening come yourself alone
	To know the reason of this strange restraint.
	If by strong hand you offer to break in
	Now in the stirring passage of the day,
	A vulgar comment will be made of it,
	And that supposed by the common rout
	Against your yet ungalled estimation
	That may with foul intrusion enter in
	And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
	For slander lives upon succession,
	For ever housed where it gets possession.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,
	And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
	I know a wench of excellent discourse,
	Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle:
	There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
	My wife--but, I protest, without desert--
	Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
	To her will we to dinner.

	[To Angelo]

		    Get you home
	And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
	Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
	For there's the house: that chain will I bestow--
	Be it for nothing but to spite my wife--
	Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
	Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
	I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.

ANGELO	I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT III



SCENE II	The same.


	[Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]

LUCIANA	And may it be that you have quite forgot
	A husband's office? shall, Antipholus.
	Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
	Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
	If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
	Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:
	Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
	Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
	Let not my sister read it in your eye;
	Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
	Look sweet, be fair, become disloyalty;
	Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;
	Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
	Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
	Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
	What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
	'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed
	And let her read it in thy looks at board:
	Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
	Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
	Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
	Being compact of credit, that you love us;
	Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
	We in your motion turn and you may move us.
	Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
	Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
	'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,
	When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Sweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not,
	Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,--
	Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
	Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
	Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
	Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
	Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
	The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
	Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
	To make it wander in an unknown field?
	Are you a god? would you create me new?
	Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
	But if that I am I, then well I know
	Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
	Nor to her bed no homage do I owe
	Far more, far more to you do I decline.
	O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
	To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears:
	Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote:
	Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
	And as a bed I'll take them and there lie,
	And in that glorious supposition think
	He gains by death that hath such means to die:
	Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!

LUCIANA	What, are you mad, that you do reason so?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know.

LUCIANA	It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.

LUCIANA	Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.


LUCIANA	Why call you me love? call my sister so.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Thy sister's sister.


LUCIANA	That's my sister.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	No;
	It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
	Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
	My food, my fortune and my sweet hope's aim,
	My sole earth's heaven and my heaven's claim.

LUCIANA	All this my sister is, or else should be.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
	Thee will I love and with thee lead my life:
	Thou hast no husband yet nor I no wife.
	Give me thy hand.

LUCIANA	                  O, soft, air! hold you still:
	I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.

	[Exit]

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man?
	am I myself?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.

ANTIPHOLUS	What woman's man? and how besides thyself? besides thyself?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one
	that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What claim lays she to thee?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry sir, such claim as you would lay to your
	horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I
	being a beast, she would have me; but that she,
	being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What is she?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may
	not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have
	but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
	wondrous fat marriage.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	How dost thou mean a fat marriage?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
	and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
	lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
	warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
	Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
	she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What complexion is she of?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
	clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
	shoes in the grime of it.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	That's a fault that water will mend.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What's her name?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
	an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
	hip to hip.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Then she bears some breadth?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
	she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
	countries in her.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	In what part of her body stands Ireland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Where Scotland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Where France?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war
	against her heir.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Where England?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
	whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
	by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Where Spain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Where America, the Indies?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Oh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with
	rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
	aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
	armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
	drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
	Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
	privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
	shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
	left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
	And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
	faith and my heart of steel,
	She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made
	me turn i' the wheel.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
	An if the wind blow any way from shore,
	I will not harbour in this town to-night:
	If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
	Where I will walk till thou return to me.
	If every one knows us and we know none,
	'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	As from a bear a man would run for life,
	So fly I from her that would be my wife.

	[Exit]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	There's none but witches do inhabit here;
	And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
	She that doth call me husband, even my soul
	Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
	Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
	Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
	Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
	But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
	I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.

	[Enter ANGELO with the chain]

ANGELO	Master Antipholus,--

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Ay, that's my name.

ANGELO	I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.
	I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine:
	The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What is your will that I shall do with this?

ANGELO	What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.

ANGELO	Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
	Go home with it and please your wife withal;
	And soon at supper-time I'll visit you
	And then receive my money for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
	For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.

ANGELO	You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.

	[Exit]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
	But this I think, there's no man is so vain
	That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.
	I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
	When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
	I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
	If any ship put out, then straight away.

	[Exit]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT IV



SCENE I	A public place.


	[Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer]

Second Merchant	You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
	And since I have not much importuned you;
	Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
	To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
	Therefore make present satisfaction,
	Or I'll attach you by this officer.

ANGELO	Even just the sum that I do owe to you
	Is growing to me by Antipholus,
	And in the instant that I met with you
	He had of me a chain: at five o'clock
	I shall receive the money for the same.
	Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
	I will discharge my bond and thank you too.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus
	from the courtezan's]

Officer	That labour may you save: see where he comes.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
	And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow
	Among my wife and her confederates,
	For locking me out of my doors by day.
	But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
	Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.

	[Exit]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
	I promised your presence and the chain;
	But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
	Belike you thought our love would last too long,
	If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.

ANGELO	Saving your merry humour, here's the note
	How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
	The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
	Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
	Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
	I pray you, see him presently discharged,
	For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I am not furnish'd with the present money;
	Besides, I have some business in the town.
	Good signior, take the stranger to my house
	And with you take the chain and bid my wife
	Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
	Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

ANGELO	Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

ANGELO	Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
	Or else you may return without your money.

ANGELO	Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
	Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
	And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
	Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
	I should have chid you for not bringing it,
	But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Second Merchant	The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.

ANGELO	You hear how he importunes me;--the chain!

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.

ANGELO	Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
	Either send the chain or send me by some token.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Fie, now you run this humour out of breath,
	where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.

Second Merchant	My business cannot brook this dalliance.
	Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:
	If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I answer you! what should I answer you?

ANGELO	The money that you owe me for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I owe you none till I receive the chain.

ANGELO	You know I gave it you half an hour since.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.

ANGELO	You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
	Consider how it stands upon my credit.

Second Merchant	Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Officer	I do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me.

ANGELO	This touches me in reputation.
	Either consent to pay this sum for me
	Or I attach you by this officer.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Consent to pay thee that I never had!
	Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.

ANGELO	Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
	I would not spare my brother in this case,
	If he should scorn me so apparently.

Officer	I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
	But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
	As all the metal in your shop will answer.

ANGELO	Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
	To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
	That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
	And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
	I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
	The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
	The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
	Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
	But for their owner, master, and yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
	What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
	And told thee to what purpose and what end.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	You sent me for a rope's end as soon:
	You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I will debate this matter at more leisure
	And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
	To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
	Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
	That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
	There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
	Tell her I am arrested in the street
	And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
	On, officer, to prison till it come.

	[Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and
	Antipholus of Ephesus]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	To Adriana! that is where we dined,
	Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
	She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
	Thither I must, although against my will,
	For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.

	[Exit]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT IV



SCENE II	The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.


	[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]

ADRIANA	Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
	Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
	That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?
	Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
	What observation madest thou in this case
	Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?

LUCIANA	First he denied you had in him no right.

ADRIANA	He meant he did me none; the more my spite.

LUCIANA	Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

ADRIANA	And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

LUCIANA	Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA	And what said he?

LUCIANA	That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.

ADRIANA	With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA	With words that in an honest suit might move.
	First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA	Didst speak him fair?

LUCIANA	Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA	I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
	My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
	He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
	Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
	Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
	Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

LUCIANA	Who would be jealous then of such a one?
	No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.

ADRIANA	Ah, but I think him better than I say,
	And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
	Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
	My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.

LUCIANA	How hast thou lost thy breath?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	By running fast.

ADRIANA	Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
	A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;
	One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
	A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough;
	A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
	A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that
	countermands
	The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;
	A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well;
	One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.

ADRIANA	Why, man, what is the matter?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.

ADRIANA	What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
	But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
	Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

ADRIANA	Go fetch it, sister.

	[Exit Luciana]

		This I wonder at,
	That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
	Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
	A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?

ADRIANA	What, the chain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone:
	It was two ere I left him, and now the clock
	strikes one.

ADRIANA	The hours come back! that did I never hear.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for
	very fear.

ADRIANA	As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's
	worth, to season.
	Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say
	That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
	If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
	Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

	[Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse]

ADRIANA	Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight;
	And bring thy master home immediately.
	Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit--
	Conceit, my comfort and my injury.

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT IV



SCENE III	A public place.


	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
	As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
	And every one doth call me by my name.
	Some tender money to me; some invite me;
	Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
	Some offer me commodities to buy:
	Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop
	And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
	And therewithal took measure of my body.
	Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
	And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

	[Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have
	you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam
	that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's
	skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came
	behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you
	forsake your liberty.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a
	bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
	that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob
	and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed
	men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up
	his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a
	morris-pike.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	What, thou meanest an officer?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings
	any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that
	thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God
	give you good rest!'

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the
	bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were
	you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy
	Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to
	deliver you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	The fellow is distract, and so am I;
	And here we wander in illusions:
	Some blessed power deliver us from hence!

	[Enter a Courtezan]

Courtezan	Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
	I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
	Is that the chain you promised me to-day?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, is this Mistress Satan?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	It is the devil.


DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here
	she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof
	comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as
	much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is
	written, they appear to men like angels of light:
	light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn;
	ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.

Courtezan	Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
	Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a
	long spoon.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Why, Dromio?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with
	the devil.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?
	Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
	I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.

Courtezan	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
	Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
	And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
	A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
	A nut, a cherry-stone;
	But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
	Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
	The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

Courtezan	I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:
	I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.

	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse]

Courtezan	Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
	Else would he never so demean himself.
	A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
	And for the same he promised me a chain:
	Both one and other he denies me now.
	The reason that I gather he is mad,
	Besides this present instance of his rage,
	Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,
	Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
	Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
	On purpose shut the doors against his way.
	My way is now to hie home to his house,
	And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
	He rush'd into my house and took perforce
	My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
	For forty ducats is too much to lose.

	[Exit]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT IV



SCENE IV	A street.


	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
	I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
	To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
	My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
	And will not lightly trust the messenger
	That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
	I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.

	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end]

	Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
	How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	But where's the money?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

	[Beating him]

Officer	Good sir, be patient.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Officer	Good, now, hold thy tongue.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
	your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS	Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an
	ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
	ears. I have served him from the hour of my
	nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
	hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
	heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
	with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
	raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
	it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
	I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
	beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
	lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

	[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH]

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
	rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the
	rope's-end.'

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Wilt thou still talk?

	[Beating him]

Courtezan	How say you now? is not your husband mad?

ADRIANA	His incivility confirms no less.
	Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
	Establish him in his true sense again,
	And I will please you what you will demand.

LUCIANA	Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Courtezan	Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

PINCH	Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

	[Striking him]

PINCH	I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
	To yield possession to my holy prayers
	And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
	I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

ADRIANA	O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	You minion, you, are these your customers?
	Did this companion with the saffron face
	Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
	Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
	And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA	O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
	Where would you had remain'd until this time,
	Free from these slanders and this open shame!

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	In verity you did; my bones bear witness,
	That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA	Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH	It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,
	And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA	Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
	By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;
	But surely master, not a rag of money.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ADRIANA	He came to me and I deliver'd it.

LUCIANA	And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	God and the rope-maker bear me witness
	That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

PINCH	Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
	I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
	They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
	And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ADRIANA	I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And, gentle master, I received no gold;
	But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

ADRIANA	Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;
	And art confederate with a damned pack
	To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
	But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
	That would behold in me this shameful sport.

	[Enter three or four, and offer to bind him.
	He strives]

ADRIANA	O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.

PINCH	More company! The fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA	Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
	I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
	To make a rescue?

Officer	                  Masters, let him go
	He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH	Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

	[They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus]

ADRIANA	What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
	Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
	Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Officer	He is my prisoner: if I let him go,
	The debt he owes will be required of me.

ADRIANA	I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:
	Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
	And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
	Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
	Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	O most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:
	cry 'The devil!'

LUCIANA	God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

ADRIANA	Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

	[Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and
	Courtezan]

	Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Officer	One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

ADRIANA	I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Officer	Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA	Say, how grows it due?

Officer	Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA	He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Courtezan	When as your husband all in rage to-day
	Came to my house and took away my ring--
	The ring I saw upon his finger now--
	Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA	It may be so, but I did never see it.
	Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:
	I long to know the truth hereof at large.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn,
	and DROMIO of Syracuse]

LUCIANA	God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

ADRIANA	And come with naked swords.
	Let's call more help to have them bound again.

Officer	Away! they'll kill us.

	[Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio
	of Syracuse]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	She that would be your wife now ran from you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
	I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us
	no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
	methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
	the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
	me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
	turn witch.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I will not stay to-night for all the town;
	Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

	[Exeunt]




	THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


ACT V



SCENE I	A street before a Priory.


	[Enter Second Merchant and ANGELO]

ANGELO	I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you;
	But, I protest, he had the chain of me,
	Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.

Second Merchant	How is the man esteemed here in the city?

ANGELO	Of very reverend reputation, sir,
	Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
	Second to none that lives here in the city:
	His word might bear my wealth at any time.

Second Merchant	Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse]

ANGELO	'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
	Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
	Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.
	Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
	That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
	And, not without some scandal to yourself,
	With circumstance and oaths so to deny
	This chain which now you wear so openly:
	Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
	You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
	Who, but for staying on our controversy,
	Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day:
	This chain you had of me; can you deny it?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I think I had; I never did deny it.

Second Merchant	Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?

Second Merchant	These ears of mine, thou know'st did hear thee.
	Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou livest
	To walk where any honest man resort.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	Thou art a villain to impeach me thus:
	I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
	Against thee presently, if thou darest stand.

Second Merchant	I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.

	[They draw]

	[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and others]

ADRIANA	Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad.
	Some get within him, take his sword away:
	Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Run, master, run; for God's sake, take a house!
	This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd!

	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
	to the Priory]

	[Enter the Lady Abbess, AEMILIA]

AEMELIA	Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?

ADRIANA	To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
	Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
	And bear him home for his recovery.

ANGELO	I knew he was not in his perfect wits.

Second Merchant	I am sorry now that I did draw on him.

AEMELIA	How long hath this possession held the man?

ADRIANA	This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
	And much different from the man he was;
	But till this afternoon his passion
	Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.

AEMELIA	Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?
	Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
	Stray'd his affection in unlawful love?
	A sin prevailing much in youthful men,
	Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing.
	Which of these sorrows is he subject to?

ADRIANA	To none of these, except it be the last;
	Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.

AEMELIA	You should for that have reprehended him.

ADRIANA	Why, so I did.

AEMELIA	                  Ay, but not rough enough.

ADRIANA	As roughly as my modesty would let me.

AEMELIA	Haply, in private.

ADRIANA	And in assemblies too.

AEMELIA	Ay, but not enough.

ADRIANA	It was the copy of our conference:
	In bed he slept not for my urging it;
	At board he fed not for my urging it;
	Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
	In company I often glanced it;
	Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.

AEMELIA	And thereof came it that the man was mad.
	The venom clamours of a jealous woman
	Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
	It seems his sleeps were hinder'd by thy railing,
	And therefore comes it that his head is light.
	Thou say'st his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings:
	Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
	Thereof the raging fire of fever bred;
	And what's a fever but a fit of madness?
	Thou say'st his sports were hinderd by thy brawls:
	Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue
	But moody and dull melancholy,
	Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
	And at her heels a huge infectious troop
	Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
	In food, in sport and life-preserving rest
	To be disturb'd, would mad or man or beast:
	The consequence is then thy jealous fits
	Have scared thy husband from the use of wits.

LUCIANA	She never reprehended him but mildly,
	When he demean'd himself rough, rude and wildly.
	Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

ADRIANA	She did betray me to my own reproof.
	Good people enter and lay hold on him.

AEMELIA	No, not a creature enters in my house.

ADRIANA	Then let your servants bring my husband forth.

AEMELIA	Neither: he took this place for sanctuary,
	And it shall privilege him from your hands
	Till I have brought him to his wits again,
	Or lose my labour in assaying it.

ADRIANA	I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
	Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
	And will have no attorney but myself;
	And therefore let me have him home with me.

AEMELIA	Be patient; for I will not let him stir
	Till I have used the approved means I have,
	With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,
	To make of him a formal man again:
	It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
	A charitable duty of my order.
	Therefore depart and leave him here with me.

ADRIANA	I will not hence and leave my husband here:
	And ill it doth beseem your holiness
	To separate the husband and the wife.

AEMELIA	Be quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.

	[Exit]

LUCIANA	Complain unto the duke of this indignity.

ADRIANA	Come, go: I will fall prostrate at his feet
	And never rise until my tears and prayers
	Have won his grace to come in person hither
	And take perforce my husband from the abbess.

Second Merchant	By this, I think, the dial points at five:
	Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person
	Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
	The place of death and sorry execution,
	Behind the ditches of the abbey here.

ANGELO	Upon what cause?

Second Merchant	To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
	Who put unluckily into this bay
	Against the laws and statutes of this town,
	Beheaded publicly for his offence.

ANGELO	See where they come: we will behold his death.

LUCIANA	Kneel to the duke before he pass the abbey.

	[Enter DUKE SOLINUS, attended; AEGEON bareheaded; with the
	Headsman and other Officers]

DUKE SOLINUS	Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
	If any friend will pay the sum for him,
	He shall not die; so much we tender him.

ADRIANA	Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!

DUKE SOLINUS	She is a virtuous and a reverend lady:
	It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.

ADRIANA	May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,
	Whom I made lord of me and all I had,
	At your important letters,--this ill day
	A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
	That desperately he hurried through the street,
	With him his bondman, all as mad as he--
	Doing displeasure to the citizens
	By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
	Rings, jewels, any thing his rage did like.
	Once did I get him bound and sent him home,
	Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
	That here and there his fury had committed.
	Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
	He broke from those that had the guard of him;
	And with his mad attendant and himself,
	Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
	Met us again and madly bent on us,
	Chased us away; till, raising of more aid,
	We came again to bind them. Then they fled
	Into this abbey, whither we pursued them:
	And here the abbess shuts the gates on us
	And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
	Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
	Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
	Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.

DUKE SOLINUS	Long since thy husband served me in my wars,
	And I to thee engaged a prince's word,
	When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
	To do him all the grace and good I could.
	Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gate
	And bid the lady abbess come to me.
	I will determine this before I stir.

	[Enter a Servant]

Servant	O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself!
	My master and his man are both broke loose,
	Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctor
	Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire;
	And ever, as it blazed, they threw on him
	Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair:
	My master preaches patience to him and the while
	His man with scissors nicks him like a fool,
	And sure, unless you send some present help,
	Between them they will kill the conjurer.

ADRIANA	Peace, fool! thy master and his man are here,
	And that is false thou dost report to us.

Servant	Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true;
	I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
	He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,
	To scorch your face and to disfigure you.

	[Cry within]

	Hark, hark! I hear him, mistress. fly, be gone!

DUKE SOLINUS	Come, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds!

ADRIANA	Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you,
	That he is borne about invisible:
	Even now we housed him in the abbey here;
	And now he's there, past thought of human reason.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus]

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!
	Even for the service that long since I did thee,
	When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
	Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
	That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.

AEGEON	Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
	I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!
	She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife,
	That hath abused and dishonour'd me
	Even in the strength and height of injury!
	Beyond imagination is the wrong
	That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.

DUKE SOLINUS	Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,
	While she with harlots feasted in my house.

DUKE SOLINUS	A grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?

ADRIANA	No, my good lord: myself, he and my sister
	To-day did dine together. So befall my soul
	As this is false he burdens me withal!

LUCIANA	Ne'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,
	But she tells to your highness simple truth!

ANGELO	O perjured woman! They are both forsworn:
	In this the madman justly chargeth them.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	My liege, I am advised what I say,
	Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
	Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire,
	Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
	This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:
	That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
	Could witness it, for he was with me then;
	Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
	Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
	Where Balthazar and I did dine together.
	Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
	I went to seek him: in the street I met him
	And in his company that gentleman.
	There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
	That I this day of him received the chain,
	Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which
	He did arrest me with an officer.
	I did obey, and sent my peasant home
	For certain ducats: he with none return'd
	Then fairly I bespoke the officer
	To go in person with me to my house.
	By the way we met
	My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
	Of vile confederates. Along with them
	They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
	A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
	A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,
	A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
	A dead-looking man: this pernicious slave,
	Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
	And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
	And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,
	Cries out, I was possess'd. Then all together
	They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence
	And in a dark and dankish vault at home
	There left me and my man, both bound together;
	Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
	I gain'd my freedom, and immediately
	Ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech
	To give me ample satisfaction
	For these deep shames and great indignities.

ANGELO	My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,
	That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.

DUKE SOLINUS	But had he such a chain of thee or no?

ANGELO	He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,
	These people saw the chain about his neck.

Second Merchant	Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
	Heard you confess you had the chain of him
	After you first forswore it on the mart:
	And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
	And then you fled into this abbey here,
	From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I never came within these abbey-walls,
	Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:
	I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!
	And this is false you burden me withal.

DUKE SOLINUS	Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
	I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
	If here you housed him, here he would have been;
	If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly:
	You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here
	Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.

Courtezan	He did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.

DUKE SOLINUS	Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?

Courtezan	As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

DUKE SOLINUS	Why, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither.
	I think you are all mated or stark mad.

	[Exit one to Abbess]

AEGEON	Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:
	Haply I see a friend will save my life
	And pay the sum that may deliver me.

DUKE SOLINUS	Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.

AEGEON	Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?
	And is not that your bondman, Dromio?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Within this hour I was his bondman sir,
	But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:
	Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.

AEGEON	I am sure you both of you remember me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;
	For lately we were bound, as you are now
	You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?

AEGEON	Why look you strange on me? you know me well.

ANTIPHOLUS	I never saw you in my life till now.

AEGEON	O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
	And careful hours with time's deformed hand
	Have written strange defeatures in my face:
	But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Neither.

AEGEON	Dromio, nor thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	                  No, trust me, sir, nor I.

AEGEON	I am sure thou dost.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a
	man denies, you are now bound to believe him.

AEGEON	Not know my voice! O time's extremity,
	Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongue
	In seven short years, that here my only son
	Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
	Though now this grained face of mine be hid
	In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,
	And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
	Yet hath my night of life some memory,
	My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
	My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:
	All these old witnesses--I cannot err--
	Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I never saw my father in my life.

AEGEON	But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
	Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,
	Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	The duke and all that know me in the city
	Can witness with me that it is not so
	I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.

DUKE SOLINUS	I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
	Have I been patron to Antipholus,
	During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa:
	I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

	[Re-enter AEMILIA, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and
	DROMIO of Syracuse]

AEMELIA	Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.

	[All gather to see them]

ADRIANA	I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

DUKE SOLINUS	One of these men is Genius to the other;
	And so of these. Which is the natural man,
	And which the spirit? who deciphers them?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	AEgeon art thou not? or else his ghost?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, my old master! who hath bound him here?

AEMELIA	Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds
	And gain a husband by his liberty.
	Speak, old AEgeon, if thou be'st the man
	That hadst a wife once call'd AEmilia
	That bore thee at a burden two fair sons:
	O, if thou be'st the same AEgeon, speak,
	And speak unto the same AEmilia!

AEGEON	If I dream not, thou art AEmilia:
	If thou art she, tell me where is that son
	That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

AEMELIA	By men of Epidamnum he and I
	And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
	But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
	By force took Dromio and my son from them
	And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
	What then became of them I cannot tell
	I to this fortune that you see me in.

DUKE SOLINUS	Why, here begins his morning story right;
	These two Antipholuses, these two so like,
	And these two Dromios, one in semblance,--
	Besides her urging of her wreck at sea,--
	These are the parents to these children,
	Which accidentally are met together.
	Antipholus, thou camest from Corinth first?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.

DUKE SOLINUS	Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And I with him.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,
	Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

ADRIANA	Which of you two did dine with me to-day?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I, gentle mistress.

ADRIANA	And are not you my husband?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	No; I say nay to that.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	And so do I; yet did she call me so:
	And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
	Did call me brother.

	[To Luciana]

		What I told you then,
	I hope I shall have leisure to make good;
	If this be not a dream I see and hear.

ANGELO	That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	I think it be, sir; I deny it not.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

ANGELO	I think I did, sir; I deny it not.

ADRIANA	I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,
	By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	No, none by me.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	This purse of ducats I received from you,
	And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.
	I see we still did meet each other's man,
	And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
	And thereupon these errors are arose.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	These ducats pawn I for my father here.

DUKE SOLINUS	It shall not need; thy father hath his life.

Courtezan	Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	There, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.

AEMELIA	Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
	To go with us into the abbey here
	And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes:
	And all that are assembled in this place,
	That by this sympathized one day's error
	Have suffer'd wrong, go keep us company,
	And we shall make full satisfaction.
	Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
	Of you, my sons; and till this present hour
	My heavy burden ne'er delivered.
	The duke, my husband and my children both,
	And you the calendars of their nativity,
	Go to a gossips' feast and go with me;
	After so long grief, such festivity!

DUKE SOLINUS	With all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast.

	[Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse, Antipholus
	of Ephesus, Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?

ANTIPHOLUS
OF EPHESUS	Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.

ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE	He speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio:
	Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon:
	Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.

	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholus of Ephesus]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There is a fat friend at your master's house,
	That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner:
	She now shall be my sister, not my wife.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:
	I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
	Will you walk in to see their gossiping?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not I, sir; you are my elder.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	That's a question: how shall we try it?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	We'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, then, thus:
	We came into the world like brother and brother;
	And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE

FERDINAND	king of Navarre.


BIRON	|
	|
LONGAVILLE	|  lords attending on the King.
	|
DUMAIN	|


BOYET	|
	|  lords attending on the Princess of France.
MERCADE	|


DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	a fantastical Spaniard.

SIR NATHANIEL	a curate.

HOLOFERNES	a schoolmaster.

DULL	a constable.

COSTARD	a clown.

MOTH	page to Armado.

	A Forester.

	The PRINCESS of France: (PRINCESS:)


ROSALINE	|
	|
MARIA	|  ladies attending on the Princess.
	|
KATHARINE	|


JAQUENETTA	a country wench.

	Lords, Attendants, &c.
	(First Lord:)


SCENE	Navarre.




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT I



SCENE I	The king of Navarre's park.


	[Enter FERDINAND king of Navarre, BIRON, LONGAVILLE
	and DUMAIN]

FERDINAND	Let fame, that all hunt after in their lives,
	Live register'd upon our brazen tombs
	And then grace us in the disgrace of death;
	When, spite of cormorant devouring Time,
	The endeavor of this present breath may buy
	That honour which shall bate his scythe's keen edge
	And make us heirs of all eternity.
	Therefore, brave conquerors,--for so you are,
	That war against your own affections
	And the huge army of the world's desires,--
	Our late edict shall strongly stand in force:
	Navarre shall be the wonder of the world;
	Our court shall be a little Academe,
	Still and contemplative in living art.
	You three, Biron, Dumain, and Longaville,
	Have sworn for three years' term to live with me
	My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes
	That are recorded in this schedule here:
	Your oaths are pass'd; and now subscribe your names,
	That his own hand may strike his honour down
	That violates the smallest branch herein:
	If you are arm'd to do as sworn to do,
	Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.

LONGAVILLE	I am resolved; 'tis but a three years' fast:
	The mind shall banquet, though the body pine:
	Fat paunches have lean pates, and dainty bits
	Make rich the ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.

DUMAIN	My loving lord, Dumain is mortified:
	The grosser manner of these world's delights
	He throws upon the gross world's baser slaves:
	To love, to wealth, to pomp, I pine and die;
	With all these living in philosophy.

BIRON	I can but say their protestation over;
	So much, dear liege, I have already sworn,
	That is, to live and study here three years.
	But there are other strict observances;
	As, not to see a woman in that term,
	Which I hope well is not enrolled there;
	And one day in a week to touch no food
	And but one meal on every day beside,
	The which I hope is not enrolled there;
	And then, to sleep but three hours in the night,
	And not be seen to wink of all the day--
	When I was wont to think no harm all night
	And make a dark night too of half the day--
	Which I hope well is not enrolled there:
	O, these are barren tasks, too hard to keep,
	Not to see ladies, study, fast, not sleep!

FERDINAND	Your oath is pass'd to pass away from these.

BIRON	Let me say no, my liege, an if you please:
	I only swore to study with your grace
	And stay here in your court for three years' space.

LONGAVILLE	You swore to that, Biron, and to the rest.

BIRON	By yea and nay, sir, then I swore in jest.
	What is the end of study? let me know.

FERDINAND	Why, that to know, which else we should not know.

BIRON	Things hid and barr'd, you mean, from common sense?

FERDINAND	Ay, that is study's godlike recompense.

BIRON	Come on, then; I will swear to study so,
	To know the thing I am forbid to know:
	As thus,--to study where I well may dine,
	When I to feast expressly am forbid;
	Or study where to meet some mistress fine,
	When mistresses from common sense are hid;
	Or, having sworn too hard a keeping oath,
	Study to break it and not break my troth.
	If study's gain be thus and this be so,
	Study knows that which yet it doth not know:
	Swear me to this, and I will ne'er say no.

FERDINAND	These be the stops that hinder study quite
	And train our intellects to vain delight.

BIRON	Why, all delights are vain; but that most vain,
	Which with pain purchased doth inherit pain:
	As, painfully to pore upon a book
	To seek the light of truth; while truth the while
	Doth falsely blind the eyesight of his look:
	Light seeking light doth light of light beguile:
	So, ere you find where light in darkness lies,
	Your light grows dark by losing of your eyes.
	Study me how to please the eye indeed
	By fixing it upon a fairer eye,
	Who dazzling so, that eye shall be his heed
	And give him light that it was blinded by.
	Study is like the heaven's glorious sun
	That will not be deep-search'd with saucy looks:
	Small have continual plodders ever won
	Save base authority from others' books
	These earthly godfathers of heaven's lights
	That give a name to every fixed star
	Have no more profit of their shining nights
	Than those that walk and wot not what they are.
	Too much to know is to know nought but fame;
	And every godfather can give a name.

FERDINAND	How well he's read, to reason against reading!

DUMAIN	Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding!

LONGAVILLE	He weeds the corn and still lets grow the weeding.

BIRON	The spring is near when green geese are a-breeding.

DUMAIN	How follows that?

BIRON	                  Fit in his place and time.

DUMAIN	In reason nothing.

BIRON	                  Something then in rhyme.

FERDINAND	Biron is like an envious sneaping frost,
	That bites the first-born infants of the spring.

BIRON	Well, say I am; why should proud summer boast
	Before the birds have any cause to sing?
	Why should I joy in any abortive birth?
	At Christmas I no more desire a rose
	Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth;
	But like of each thing that in season grows.
	So you, to study now it is too late,
	Climb o'er the house to unlock the little gate.

FERDINAND	Well, sit you out: go home, Biron: adieu.

BIRON	No, my good lord; I have sworn to stay with you:
	And though I have for barbarism spoke more
	Than for that angel knowledge you can say,
	Yet confident I'll keep what I have swore
	And bide the penance of each three years' day.
	Give me the paper; let me read the same;
	And to the strict'st decrees I'll write my name.

FERDINAND	How well this yielding rescues thee from shame!

BIRON	[Reads]  'Item, That no woman shall come within a
	mile of my court:' Hath this been proclaimed?

LONGAVILLE	Four days ago.

BIRON	Let's see the penalty.

	[Reads]

	'On pain of losing her tongue.' Who devised this penalty?

LONGAVILLE	Marry, that did I.

BIRON	Sweet lord, and why?

LONGAVILLE	To fright them hence with that dread penalty.

BIRON	A dangerous law against gentility!

	[Reads]

	'Item, If any man be seen to talk with a woman
	within the term of three years, he shall endure such
	public shame as the rest of the court can possibly devise.'
	This article, my liege, yourself must break;
	For well you know here comes in embassy
	The French king's daughter with yourself to speak--
	A maid of grace and complete majesty--
	About surrender up of Aquitaine
	To her decrepit, sick and bedrid father:
	Therefore this article is made in vain,
	Or vainly comes the admired princess hither.

FERDINAND	What say you, lords? Why, this was quite forgot.

BIRON	So study evermore is overshot:
	While it doth study to have what it would
	It doth forget to do the thing it should,
	And when it hath the thing it hunteth most,
	'Tis won as towns with fire, so won, so lost.

FERDINAND	We must of force dispense with this decree;
	She must lie here on mere necessity.

BIRON	Necessity will make us all forsworn
	Three thousand times within this three years' space;
	For every man with his affects is born,
	Not by might master'd but by special grace:
	If I break faith, this word shall speak for me;
	I am forsworn on 'mere necessity.'
	So to the laws at large I write my name:

	[Subscribes]

	And he that breaks them in the least degree
	Stands in attainder of eternal shame:
	Suggestions are to other as to me;
	But I believe, although I seem so loath,
	I am the last that will last keep his oath.
	But is there no quick recreation granted?

FERDINAND	Ay, that there is. Our court, you know, is haunted
	With a refined traveller of Spain;
	A man in all the world's new fashion planted,
	That hath a mint of phrases in his brain;
	One whom the music of his own vain tongue
	Doth ravish like enchanting harmony;
	A man of complements, whom right and wrong
	Have chose as umpire of their mutiny:
	This child of fancy, that Armado hight,
	For interim to our studies shall relate
	In high-born words the worth of many a knight
	From tawny Spain lost in the world's debate.
	How you delight, my lords, I know not, I;
	But, I protest, I love to hear him lie
	And I will use him for my minstrelsy.

BIRON	Armado is a most illustrious wight,
	A man of fire-new words, fashion's own knight.

LONGAVILLE	Costard the swain and he shall be our sport;
	And so to study, three years is but short.

	[Enter DULL with a letter, and COSTARD]

DULL	Which is the duke's own person?

BIRON	This, fellow: what wouldst?

DULL	I myself reprehend his own person, for I am his
	grace's tharborough: but I would see his own person
	in flesh and blood.

BIRON	This is he.

DULL	Signior Arme--Arme--commends you. There's villany
	abroad: this letter will tell you more.

COSTARD	Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.

FERDINAND	A letter from the magnificent Armado.

BIRON	How low soever the matter, I hope in God for high words.

LONGAVILLE	A high hope for a low heaven: God grant us patience!

BIRON	To hear? or forbear laughing?

LONGAVILLE	To hear meekly, sir, and to laugh moderately; or to
	forbear both.

BIRON	Well, sir, be it as the style shall give us cause to
	climb in the merriness.

COSTARD	The matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta.
	The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.

BIRON	In what manner?

COSTARD	In manner and form following, sir; all those three:
	I was seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with
	her upon the form, and taken following her into the
	park; which, put together, is in manner and form
	following. Now, sir, for the manner,--it is the
	manner of a man to speak to a woman: for the form,--
	in some form.

BIRON	For the following, sir?

COSTARD	As it shall follow in my correction: and God defend
	the right!

FERDINAND	Will you hear this letter with attention?

BIRON	As we would hear an oracle.

COSTARD	Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the flesh.

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and
	sole dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's god,
	and body's fostering patron.'

COSTARD	Not a word of Costard yet.

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'So it is,'--

COSTARD	It may be so: but if he say it is so, he is, in
	telling true, but so.

FERDINAND	Peace!

COSTARD	Be to me and every man that dares not fight!

FERDINAND	No words!

COSTARD	Of other men's secrets, I beseech you.

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured
	melancholy, I did commend the black-oppressing humour
	to the most wholesome physic of thy health-giving
	air; and, as I am a gentleman, betook myself to
	walk. The time when. About the sixth hour; when
	beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down
	to that nourishment which is called supper: so much
	for the time when. Now for the ground which; which,
	I mean, I walked upon: it is y-cleped thy park. Then
	for the place where; where, I mean, I did encounter
	that obscene and preposterous event, that draweth
	from my snow-white pen the ebon-coloured ink, which
	here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest;
	but to the place where; it standeth north-north-east
	and by east from the west corner of thy curious-
	knotted garden: there did I see that low-spirited
	swain, that base minnow of thy mirth,'--

COSTARD	Me?

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'--

COSTARD	Me?

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'that shallow vassal,'--

COSTARD	Still me?

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'--

COSTARD	O, me!

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy
	established proclaimed edict and continent canon,
	which with,--O, with--but with this I passion to say
	wherewith,--

COSTARD	With a wench.

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a
	female; or, for thy more sweet understanding, a
	woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed duty pricks me on,
	have sent to thee, to receive the meed of
	punishment, by thy sweet grace's officer, Anthony
	Dull; a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, and
	estimation.'

DULL	'Me, an't shall please you; I am Anthony Dull.

FERDINAND	[Reads]  'For Jaquenetta,--so is the weaker vessel
	called which I apprehended with the aforesaid
	swain,--I keep her as a vessel of the law's fury;
	and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice, bring
	her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted
	and heart-burning heat of duty.
		        DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'

BIRON	This is not so well as I looked for, but the best
	that ever I heard.

FERDINAND	Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say
	you to this?

COSTARD	Sir, I confess the wench.

FERDINAND	Did you hear the proclamation?

COSTARD	I do confess much of the hearing it but little of
	the marking of it.

FERDINAND	It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment, to be taken
	with a wench.

COSTARD	I was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damsel.

FERDINAND	Well, it was proclaimed 'damsel.'

COSTARD	This was no damsel, neither, sir; she was a virgin.

FERDINAND	It is so varied, too; for it was proclaimed 'virgin.'

COSTARD	If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid.

FERDINAND	This maid will not serve your turn, sir.

COSTARD	This maid will serve my turn, sir.

FERDINAND	Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast
	a week with bran and water.

COSTARD	I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.

FERDINAND	And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
	My Lord Biron, see him deliver'd o'er:
	And go we, lords, to put in practise that
	Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.

	[Exeunt FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN]

BIRON	I'll lay my head to any good man's hat,
	These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
	Sirrah, come on.

COSTARD	I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is, I was
	taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true
	girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of
	prosperity! Affliction may one day smile again; and
	till then, sit thee down, sorrow!

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT I



SCENE II	The same.


	[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit
	grows melancholy?

MOTH	A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.

MOTH	No, no; O Lord, sir, no.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my
	tender juvenal?

MOTH	By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Why tough senior? why tough senior?

MOTH	Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
	appertaining to thy young days, which we may
	nominate tender.

MOTH	And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your
	old time, which we may name tough.

DON ADRIANO DE
ARMADO	Pretty and apt.

MOTH	How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or
	I apt, and my saying pretty?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Thou pretty, because little.

MOTH	Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	And therefore apt, because quick.

MOTH	Speak you this in my praise, master?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	In thy condign praise.

MOTH	I will praise an eel with the same praise.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	What, that an eel is ingenious?

MOTH	That an eel is quick.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.

MOTH	I am answered, sir.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I love not to be crossed.

MOTH	[Aside]  He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I have promised to study three years with the duke.

MOTH	You may do it in an hour, sir.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Impossible.

MOTH	How many is one thrice told?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.

MOTH	You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I confess both: they are both the varnish of a
	complete man.

MOTH	Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of
	deuce-ace amounts to.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	It doth amount to one more than two.

MOTH	Which the base vulgar do call three.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	True.

MOTH	Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here
	is three studied, ere ye'll thrice wink: and how
	easy it is to put 'years' to the word 'three,' and
	study three years in two words, the dancing horse
	will tell you.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	A most fine figure!

MOTH	To prove you a cipher.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is
	base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a
	base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour
	of affection would deliver me from the reprobate
	thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and
	ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised
	courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should
	outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men
	have been in love?

MOTH	Hercules, master.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name
	more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good
	repute and carriage.

MOTH	Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great
	carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back
	like a porter: and he was in love.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do
	excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in
	carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson's
	love, my dear Moth?

MOTH	A woman, master.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Of what complexion?

MOTH	Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Tell me precisely of what complexion.

MOTH	Of the sea-water green, sir.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Is that one of the four complexions?

MOTH	As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Green indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a
	love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason
	for it. He surely affected her for her wit.

MOTH	It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	My love is most immaculate white and red.

MOTH	Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under
	such colours.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Define, define, well-educated infant.

MOTH	My father's wit and my mother's tongue, assist me!

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty and
	pathetical!

MOTH	     If she be made of white and red,
	Her faults will ne'er be known,
	For blushing cheeks by faults are bred
	And fears by pale white shown:
	Then if she fear, or be to blame,
	By this you shall not know,
	For still her cheeks possess the same
	Which native she doth owe.
	A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of
	white and red.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?

MOTH	The world was very guilty of such a ballad some
	three ages since: but I think now 'tis not to be
	found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for
	the writing nor the tune.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may
	example my digression by some mighty precedent.
	Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the
	park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.

MOTH	[Aside]  To be whipped; and yet a better love than
	my master.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.

MOTH	And that's great marvel, loving a light wench.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I say, sing.

MOTH	Forbear till this company be past.

	[Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA]

DULL	Sir, the duke's pleasure is, that you keep Costard
	safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight
	nor no penance; but a' must fast three days a week.
	For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she
	is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!

JAQUENETTA	Man?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will visit thee at the lodge.

JAQUENETTA	That's hereby.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I know where it is situate.

JAQUENETTA	Lord, how wise you are!

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will tell thee wonders.

JAQUENETTA	With that face?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I love thee.

JAQUENETTA	So I heard you say.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	And so, farewell.

JAQUENETTA	Fair weather after you!

DULL	Come, Jaquenetta, away!

	[Exeunt DULL and JAQUENETTA]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou
	be pardoned.

COSTARD	Well, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a
	full stomach.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Thou shalt be heavily punished.

COSTARD	I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they
	are but lightly rewarded.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Take away this villain; shut him up.

MOTH	Come, you transgressing slave; away!

COSTARD	Let me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.

MOTH	No, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.

COSTARD	Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation
	that I have seen, some shall see.

MOTH	What shall some see?

COSTARD	Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon.
	It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their
	words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank
	God I have as little patience as another man; and
	therefore I can be quiet.

	[Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do affect the very ground, which is base, where
	her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which
	is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which
	is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And
	how can that be true love which is falsely
	attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil:
	there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so
	tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was
	Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit.
	Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club;
	and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier.
	The first and second cause will not serve my turn;
	the passado he respects not, the duello he regards
	not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his
	glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier!
	be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea,
	he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme,
	for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit;
	write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.

	[Exit]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT II



SCENE I	The same.


	[Enter the PRINCESS of France, ROSALINE, MARIA,
	KATHARINE, BOYET, Lords, and other Attendants]

BOYET	Now, madam, summon up your dearest spirits:
	Consider who the king your father sends,
	To whom he sends, and what's his embassy:
	Yourself, held precious in the world's esteem,
	To parley with the sole inheritor
	Of all perfections that a man may owe,
	Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight
	Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen.
	Be now as prodigal of all dear grace
	As Nature was in making graces dear
	When she did starve the general world beside
	And prodigally gave them all to you.

PRINCESS	Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean,
	Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
	Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye,
	Not utter'd by base sale of chapmen's tongues:
	I am less proud to hear you tell my worth
	Than you much willing to be counted wise
	In spending your wit in the praise of mine.
	But now to task the tasker: good Boyet,
	You are not ignorant, all-telling fame
	Doth noise abroad, Navarre hath made a vow,
	Till painful study shall outwear three years,
	No woman may approach his silent court:
	Therefore to's seemeth it a needful course,
	Before we enter his forbidden gates,
	To know his pleasure; and in that behalf,
	Bold of your worthiness, we single you
	As our best-moving fair solicitor.
	Tell him, the daughter of the King of France,
	On serious business, craving quick dispatch,
	Importunes personal conference with his grace:
	Haste, signify so much; while we attend,
	Like humble-visaged suitors, his high will.

BOYET	Proud of employment, willingly I go.

PRINCESS	All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.

	[Exit BOYET]

	Who are the votaries, my loving lords,
	That are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?

First Lord	Lord Longaville is one.

PRINCESS	Know you the man?

MARIA	I know him, madam: at a marriage-feast,
	Between Lord Perigort and the beauteous heir
	Of Jaques Falconbridge, solemnized
	In Normandy, saw I this Longaville:
	A man of sovereign parts he is esteem'd;
	Well fitted in arts, glorious in arms:
	Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.
	The only soil of his fair virtue's gloss,
	If virtue's gloss will stain with any soil,
	Is a sharp wit matched with too blunt a will;
	Whose edge hath power to cut, whose will still wills
	It should none spare that come within his power.

PRINCESS	Some merry mocking lord, belike; is't so?

MARIA	They say so most that most his humours know.

PRINCESS	Such short-lived wits do wither as they grow.
	Who are the rest?

KATHARINE	The young Dumain, a well-accomplished youth,
	Of all that virtue love for virtue loved:
	Most power to do most harm, least knowing ill;
	For he hath wit to make an ill shape good,
	And shape to win grace though he had no wit.
	I saw him at the Duke Alencon's once;
	And much too little of that good I saw
	Is my report to his great worthiness.

ROSALINE	Another of these students at that time
	Was there with him, if I have heard a truth.
	Biron they call him; but a merrier man,
	Within the limit of becoming mirth,
	I never spent an hour's talk withal:
	His eye begets occasion for his wit;
	For every object that the one doth catch
	The other turns to a mirth-moving jest,
	Which his fair tongue, conceit's expositor,
	Delivers in such apt and gracious words
	That aged ears play truant at his tales
	And younger hearings are quite ravished;
	So sweet and voluble is his discourse.

PRINCESS	God bless my ladies! are they all in love,
	That every one her own hath garnished
	With such bedecking ornaments of praise?

First Lord	Here comes Boyet.

	[Re-enter BOYET]

PRINCESS	Now, what admittance, lord?

BOYET	Navarre had notice of your fair approach;
	And he and his competitors in oath
	Were all address'd to meet you, gentle lady,
	Before I came. Marry, thus much I have learnt:
	He rather means to lodge you in the field,
	Like one that comes here to besiege his court,
	Than seek a dispensation for his oath,
	To let you enter his unpeopled house.
	Here comes Navarre.

	[Enter FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, DUMAIN, BIRON, and
	Attendants]

FERDINAND	Fair princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.

PRINCESS	'Fair' I give you back again; and 'welcome' I have
	not yet: the roof of this court is too high to be
	yours; and welcome to the wide fields too base to be mine.

FERDINAND	You shall be welcome, madam, to my court.

PRINCESS	I will be welcome, then: conduct me thither.

FERDINAND	Hear me, dear lady; I have sworn an oath.

PRINCESS	Our Lady help my lord! he'll be forsworn.

FERDINAND	Not for the world, fair madam, by my will.

PRINCESS	Why, will shall break it; will and nothing else.

FERDINAND	Your ladyship is ignorant what it is.

PRINCESS	Were my lord so, his ignorance were wise,
	Where now his knowledge must prove ignorance.
	I hear your grace hath sworn out house-keeping:
	Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord,
	And sin to break it.
	But pardon me. I am too sudden-bold:
	To teach a teacher ill beseemeth me.
	Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my coming,
	And suddenly resolve me in my suit.

FERDINAND	Madam, I will, if suddenly I may.

PRINCESS	You will the sooner, that I were away;
	For you'll prove perjured if you make me stay.

BIRON	Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?

ROSALINE	Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?

BIRON	I know you did.

ROSALINE	How needless was it then to ask the question!

BIRON	You must not be so quick.

ROSALINE	'Tis 'long of you that spur me with such questions.

BIRON	Your wit's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.

ROSALINE	Not till it leave the rider in the mire.

BIRON	What time o' day?

ROSALINE	The hour that fools should ask.

BIRON	Now fair befall your mask!

ROSALINE	Fair fall the face it covers!

BIRON	And send you many lovers!

ROSALINE	Amen, so you be none.

BIRON	Nay, then will I be gone.

FERDINAND	Madam, your father here doth intimate
	The payment of a hundred thousand crowns;
	Being but the one half of an entire sum
	Disbursed by my father in his wars.
	But say that he or we, as neither have,
	Received that sum, yet there remains unpaid
	A hundred thousand more; in surety of the which,
	One part of Aquitaine is bound to us,
	Although not valued to the money's worth.
	If then the king your father will restore
	But that one half which is unsatisfied,
	We will give up our right in Aquitaine,
	And hold fair friendship with his majesty.
	But that, it seems, he little purposeth,
	For here he doth demand to have repaid
	A hundred thousand crowns; and not demands,
	On payment of a hundred thousand crowns,
	To have his title live in Aquitaine;
	Which we much rather had depart withal
	And have the money by our father lent
	Than Aquitaine so gelded as it is.
	Dear Princess, were not his requests so far
	From reason's yielding, your fair self should make
	A yielding 'gainst some reason in my breast
	And go well satisfied to France again.

PRINCESS	You do the king my father too much wrong
	And wrong the reputation of your name,
	In so unseeming to confess receipt
	Of that which hath so faithfully been paid.

FERDINAND	I do protest I never heard of it;
	And if you prove it, I'll repay it back
	Or yield up Aquitaine.

PRINCESS	We arrest your word.
	Boyet, you can produce acquittances
	For such a sum from special officers
	Of Charles his father.

FERDINAND	Satisfy me so.

BOYET	So please your grace, the packet is not come
	Where that and other specialties are bound:
	To-morrow you shall have a sight of them.

FERDINAND	It shall suffice me: at which interview
	All liberal reason I will yield unto.
	Meantime receive such welcome at my hand
	As honour without breach of honour may
	Make tender of to thy true worthiness:
	You may not come, fair princess, in my gates;
	But here without you shall be so received
	As you shall deem yourself lodged in my heart,
	Though so denied fair harbour in my house.
	Your own good thoughts excuse me, and farewell:
	To-morrow shall we visit you again.

PRINCESS	Sweet health and fair desires consort your grace!

FERDINAND	Thy own wish wish I thee in every place!

	[Exit]

BIRON	Lady, I will commend you to mine own heart.

ROSALINE	Pray you, do my commendations; I would be glad to see it.

BIRON	I would you heard it groan.

ROSALINE	Is the fool sick?

BIRON	Sick at the heart.

ROSALINE	Alack, let it blood.

BIRON	Would that do it good?

ROSALINE	My physic says 'ay.'

BIRON	Will you prick't with your eye?

ROSALINE	No point, with my knife.

BIRON	Now, God save thy life!

ROSALINE	And yours from long living!

BIRON	I cannot stay thanksgiving.

	[Retiring]

DUMAIN	Sir, I pray you, a word: what lady is that same?

BOYET	The heir of Alencon, Katharine her name.

DUMAIN	A gallant lady. Monsieur, fare you well.

	[Exit]

LONGAVILLE	I beseech you a word: what is she in the white?

BOYET	A woman sometimes, an you saw her in the light.

LONGAVILLE	Perchance light in the light. I desire her name.

BOYET	She hath but one for herself; to desire that were a shame.

LONGAVILLE	Pray you, sir, whose daughter?

BOYET	Her mother's, I have heard.

LONGAVILLE	God's blessing on your beard!

BOYET	Good sir, be not offended.
	She is an heir of Falconbridge.

LONGAVILLE	Nay, my choler is ended.
	She is a most sweet lady.

BOYET	Not unlike, sir, that may be.

	[Exit LONGAVILLE]

BIRON	What's her name in the cap?

BOYET	Rosaline, by good hap.

BIRON	Is she wedded or no?

BOYET	To her will, sir, or so.

BIRON	You are welcome, sir: adieu.

BOYET	Farewell to me, sir, and welcome to you.

	[Exit BIRON]

MARIA	That last is Biron, the merry madcap lord:
	Not a word with him but a jest.

BOYET	And every jest but a word.

PRINCESS	It was well done of you to take him at his word.

BOYET	I was as willing to grapple as he was to board.

MARIA	Two hot sheeps, marry.

BOYET	And wherefore not ships?
	No sheep, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.

MARIA	You sheep, and I pasture: shall that finish the jest?

BOYET	So you grant pasture for me.

	[Offering to kiss her]

MARIA	Not so, gentle beast:
	My lips are no common, though several they be.

BOYET	Belonging to whom?

MARIA	                  To my fortunes and me.

PRINCESS	Good wits will be jangling; but, gentles, agree:
	This civil war of wits were much better used
	On Navarre and his book-men; for here 'tis abused.

BOYET	If my observation, which very seldom lies,
	By the heart's still rhetoric disclosed with eyes,
	Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.

PRINCESS	With what?

BOYET	With that which we lovers entitle affected.

PRINCESS	Your reason?

BOYET	Why, all his behaviors did make their retire
	To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire:
	His heart, like an agate, with your print impress'd,
	Proud with his form, in his eye pride express'd:
	His tongue, all impatient to speak and not see,
	Did stumble with haste in his eyesight to be;
	All senses to that sense did make their repair,
	To feel only looking on fairest of fair:
	Methought all his senses were lock'd in his eye,
	As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy;
	Who, tendering their own worth from where they were glass'd,
	Did point you to buy them, along as you pass'd:
	His face's own margent did quote such amazes
	That all eyes saw his eyes enchanted with gazes.
	I'll give you Aquitaine and all that is his,
	An you give him for my sake but one loving kiss.

PRINCESS	Come to our pavilion: Boyet is disposed.

BOYET	But to speak that in words which his eye hath
	disclosed.
	I only have made a mouth of his eye,
	By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.

ROSALINE	Thou art an old love-monger and speakest skilfully.

MARIA	He is Cupid's grandfather and learns news of him.

ROSALINE	Then was Venus like her mother, for her father is but grim.

BOYET	Do you hear, my mad wenches?

MARIA	No.

BOYET	What then, do you see?

ROSALINE	Ay, our way to be gone.

BOYET	You are too hard for me.

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT III



SCENE I	The same.


	[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.

MOTH	Concolinel.

	[Singing]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key,
	give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately
	hither: I must employ him in a letter to my love.

MOTH	Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	How meanest thou? brawling in French?

MOTH	No, my complete master: but to jig off a tune at
	the tongue's end, canary to it with your feet, humour
	it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and
	sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you
	swallowed love with singing love, sometime through
	the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling
	love; with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of
	your eyes; with your arms crossed on your thin-belly
	doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in
	your pocket like a man after the old painting; and
	keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away.
	These are complements, these are humours; these
	betray nice wenches, that would be betrayed without
	these; and make them men of note--do you note
	me?--that most are affected to these.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	How hast thou purchased this experience?

MOTH	By my penny of observation.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	But O,--but O,--

MOTH	'The hobby-horse is forgot.'

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Callest thou my love 'hobby-horse'?

MOTH	No, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your
	love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Almost I had.

MOTH	Negligent student! learn her by heart.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	By heart and in heart, boy.

MOTH	And out of heart, master: all those three I will prove.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	What wilt thou prove?

MOTH	A man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon
	the instant: by heart you love her, because your
	heart cannot come by her; in heart you love her,
	because your heart is in love with her; and out of
	heart you love her, being out of heart that you
	cannot enjoy her.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I am all these three.

MOTH	And three times as much more, and yet nothing at
	all.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Fetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter.

MOTH	A message well sympathized; a horse to be ambassador
	for an ass.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Ha, ha! what sayest thou?

MOTH	Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse,
	for he is very slow-gaited. But I go.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	The way is but short: away!

MOTH	As swift as lead, sir.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	The meaning, pretty ingenious?
	Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?

MOTH	Minime, honest master; or rather, master, no.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I say lead is slow.

MOTH	You are too swift, sir, to say so:
	Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
	He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he:
	I shoot thee at the swain.

MOTH	Thump then and I flee.

	[Exit]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	A most acute juvenal; voluble and free of grace!
	By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face:
	Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.
	My herald is return'd.

	[Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD]

MOTH	A wonder, master! here's a costard broken in a shin.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Some enigma, some riddle: come, thy l'envoy; begin.

COSTARD	No enigma, no riddle, no l'envoy; no salve in the
	mail, sir: O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! no
	l'envoy, no l'envoy; no salve, sir, but a plantain!

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly
	thought my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes
	me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars!
	Doth the inconsiderate take salve for l'envoy, and
	the word l'envoy for a salve?

MOTH	Do the wise think them other? is not l'envoy a salve?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	No, page: it is an epilogue or discourse, to make plain
	Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.
	I will example it:
	The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
	Were still at odds, being but three.
	There's the moral. Now the l'envoy.

MOTH	I will add the l'envoy. Say the moral again.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	          The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
	Were still at odds, being but three.

MOTH	          Until the goose came out of door,
	And stay'd the odds by adding four.
	Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with
	my l'envoy.
	The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
	Were still at odds, being but three.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	          Until the goose came out of door,
	Staying the odds by adding four.

MOTH	A good l'envoy, ending in the goose: would you
	desire more?

COSTARD	The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that's flat.
	Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat.
	To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose:
	Let me see; a fat l'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?

MOTH	By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.
	Then call'd you for the l'envoy.

COSTARD	True, and I for a plantain: thus came your
	argument in;
	Then the boy's fat l'envoy, the goose that you bought;
	And he ended the market.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	But tell me; how was there a costard broken in a shin?

MOTH	I will tell you sensibly.

COSTARD	Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth: I will speak that l'envoy:
	I Costard, running out, that was safely within,
	Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	We will talk no more of this matter.

COSTARD	Till there be more matter in the shin.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.

COSTARD	O, marry me to one Frances: I smell some l'envoy,
	some goose, in this.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty,
	enfreedoming thy person; thou wert immured,
	restrained, captivated, bound.

COSTARD	True, true; and now you will be my purgation and let me loose.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and,
	in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this:
	bear this significant

	[Giving a letter]

		to the country maid Jaquenetta:
	there is remuneration; for the best ward of mine
	honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.

	[Exit]

MOTH	Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.

COSTARD	My sweet ounce of man's flesh! my incony Jew!

	[Exit MOTH]

	Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration!
	O, that's the Latin word for three farthings: three
	farthings--remuneration.--'What's the price of this
	inkle?'--'One penny.'--'No, I'll give you a
	remuneration:' why, it carries it. Remuneration!
	why, it is a fairer name than French crown. I will
	never buy and sell out of this word.

	[Enter BIRON]

BIRON	O, my good knave Costard! exceedingly well met.

COSTARD	Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man
	buy for a remuneration?

BIRON	What is a remuneration?

COSTARD	Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.

BIRON	Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.

COSTARD	I thank your worship: God be wi' you!

BIRON	Stay, slave; I must employ thee:
	As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave,
	Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.

COSTARD	When would you have it done, sir?

BIRON	This afternoon.

COSTARD	Well, I will do it, sir: fare you well.

BIRON	Thou knowest not what it is.

COSTARD	I shall know, sir, when I have done it.

BIRON	Why, villain, thou must know first.

COSTARD	I will come to your worship to-morrow morning.

BIRON	It must be done this afternoon.
	Hark, slave, it is but this:
	The princess comes to hunt here in the park,
	And in her train there is a gentle lady;
	When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,
	And Rosaline they call her: ask for her;
	And to her white hand see thou do commend
	This seal'd-up counsel. There's thy guerdon; go.

	[Giving him a shilling]

COSTARD	Gardon, O sweet gardon! better than remuneration,
	a'leven-pence farthing better: most sweet gardon! I
	will do it sir, in print. Gardon! Remuneration!

	[Exit]

BIRON	And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love's whip;
	A very beadle to a humorous sigh;
	A critic, nay, a night-watch constable;
	A domineering pedant o'er the boy;
	Than whom no mortal so magnificent!
	This whimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy;
	This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid;
	Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms,
	The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
	Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
	Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
	Sole imperator and great general
	Of trotting 'paritors:--O my little heart:--
	And I to be a corporal of his field,
	And wear his colours like a tumbler's hoop!
	What, I! I love! I sue! I seek a wife!
	A woman, that is like a German clock,
	Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
	And never going aright, being a watch,
	But being watch'd that it may still go right!
	Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all;
	And, among three, to love the worst of all;
	A wightly wanton with a velvet brow,
	With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes;
	Ay, and by heaven, one that will do the deed
	Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard:
	And I to sigh for her! to watch for her!
	To pray for her! Go to; it is a plague
	That Cupid will impose for my neglect
	Of his almighty dreadful little might.
	Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue and groan:
	Some men must love my lady and some Joan.

	[Exit]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT IV



SCENE I	The same.


	[Enter the PRINCESS, and her train, a Forester,
	BOYET, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE]

PRINCESS	Was that the king, that spurred his horse so hard
	Against the steep uprising of the hill?

BOYET	I know not; but I think it was not he.

PRINCESS	Whoe'er a' was, a' show'd a mounting mind.
	Well, lords, to-day we shall have our dispatch:
	On Saturday we will return to France.
	Then, forester, my friend, where is the bush
	That we must stand and play the murderer in?

Forester	Hereby, upon the edge of yonder coppice;
	A stand where you may make the fairest shoot.

PRINCESS	I thank my beauty, I am fair that shoot,
	And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoot.

Forester	Pardon me, madam, for I meant not so.

PRINCESS	What, what? first praise me and again say no?
	O short-lived pride! Not fair? alack for woe!

Forester	Yes, madam, fair.

PRINCESS	                  Nay, never paint me now:
	Where fair is not, praise cannot mend the brow.
	Here, good my glass, take this for telling true:
	Fair payment for foul words is more than due.

Forester	Nothing but fair is that which you inherit.

PRINCESS	See see, my beauty will be saved by merit!
	O heresy in fair, fit for these days!
	A giving hand, though foul, shall have fair praise.
	But come, the bow: now mercy goes to kill,
	And shooting well is then accounted ill.
	Thus will I save my credit in the shoot:
	Not wounding, pity would not let me do't;
	If wounding, then it was to show my skill,
	That more for praise than purpose meant to kill.
	And out of question so it is sometimes,
	Glory grows guilty of detested crimes,
	When, for fame's sake, for praise, an outward part,
	We bend to that the working of the heart;
	As I for praise alone now seek to spill
	The poor deer's blood, that my heart means no ill.

BOYET	Do not curst wives hold that self-sovereignty
	Only for praise sake, when they strive to be
	Lords o'er their lords?

PRINCESS	Only for praise: and praise we may afford
	To any lady that subdues a lord.

BOYET	Here comes a member of the commonwealth.

	[Enter COSTARD]

COSTARD	God dig-you-den all! Pray you, which is the head lady?

PRINCESS	Thou shalt know her, fellow, by the rest that have no heads.

COSTARD	Which is the greatest lady, the highest?

PRINCESS	The thickest and the tallest.

COSTARD	The thickest and the tallest! it is so; truth is truth.
	An your waist, mistress, were as slender as my wit,
	One o' these maids' girdles for your waist should be fit.
	Are not you the chief woman? you are the thickest here.

PRINCESS	What's your will, sir? what's your will?

COSTARD	I have a letter from Monsieur Biron to one Lady Rosaline.

PRINCESS	O, thy letter, thy letter! he's a good friend of mine:
	Stand aside, good bearer. Boyet, you can carve;
	Break up this capon.

BOYET	I am bound to serve.
	This letter is mistook, it importeth none here;
	It is writ to Jaquenetta.

PRINCESS	We will read it, I swear.
	Break the neck of the wax, and every one give ear.

	[Reads]

BOYET	'By heaven, that thou art fair, is most infallible;
	true, that thou art beauteous; truth itself, that
	thou art lovely. More fairer than fair, beautiful
	than beauteous, truer than truth itself, have
	commiseration on thy heroical vassal! The
	magnanimous and most illustrate king Cophetua set
	eye upon the pernicious and indubitate beggar
	Zenelophon; and he it was that might rightly say,
	Veni, vidi, vici; which to annothanize in the
	vulgar,--O base and obscure vulgar!--videlicet, He
	came, saw, and overcame: he came, one; saw two;
	overcame, three. Who came? the king: why did he
	come? to see: why did he see? to overcome: to
	whom came he? to the beggar: what saw he? the
	beggar: who overcame he? the beggar. The
	conclusion is victory: on whose side? the king's.
	The captive is enriched: on whose side? the
	beggar's. The catastrophe is a nuptial: on whose
	side? the king's: no, on both in one, or one in
	both. I am the king; for so stands the comparison:
	thou the beggar; for so witnesseth thy lowliness.
	Shall I command thy love? I may: shall I enforce
	thy love? I could: shall I entreat thy love? I
	will. What shalt thou exchange for rags? robes;
	for tittles? titles; for thyself? me. Thus,
	expecting thy reply, I profane my lips on thy foot,
	my eyes on thy picture. and my heart on thy every
	part. Thine, in the dearest design of industry,
		    DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'

	Thus dost thou hear the Nemean lion roar
	'Gainst thee, thou lamb, that standest as his prey.
	Submissive fall his princely feet before,
	And he from forage will incline to play:
	But if thou strive, poor soul, what art thou then?
	Food for his rage, repasture for his den.

PRINCESS	What plume of feathers is he that indited this letter?
	What vane? what weathercock? did you ever hear better?

BOYET	I am much deceived but I remember the style.

PRINCESS	Else your memory is bad, going o'er it erewhile.

BOYET	This Armado is a Spaniard, that keeps here in court;
	A phantasime, a Monarcho, and one that makes sport
	To the prince and his bookmates.

PRINCESS	Thou fellow, a word:
	Who gave thee this letter?

COSTARD	I told you; my lord.

PRINCESS	To whom shouldst thou give it?

COSTARD	From my lord to my lady.

PRINCESS	From which lord to which lady?

COSTARD	From my lord Biron, a good master of mine,
	To a lady of France that he call'd Rosaline.

PRINCESS	Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come, lords, away.

	[To ROSALINE]

	Here, sweet, put up this: 'twill be thine another day.

	[Exeunt PRINCESS and train]

BOYET	Who is the suitor? who is the suitor?

ROSALINE	Shall I teach you to know?

BOYET	Ay, my continent of beauty.

ROSALINE	Why, she that bears the bow.
	Finely put off!

BOYET	My lady goes to kill horns; but, if thou marry,
	Hang me by the neck, if horns that year miscarry.
	Finely put on!

ROSALINE	Well, then, I am the shooter.

BOYET	And who is your deer?

ROSALINE	If we choose by the horns, yourself come not near.
	Finely put on, indeed!

MARIA	You still wrangle with her, Boyet, and she strikes
	at the brow.

BOYET	But she herself is hit lower: have I hit her now?

ROSALINE	Shall I come upon thee with an old saying, that was
	a man when King Pepin of France was a little boy, as
	touching the hit it?

BOYET	So I may answer thee with one as old, that was a
	woman when Queen Guinover of Britain was a little
	wench, as touching the hit it.

ROSALINE	          Thou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it,
	Thou canst not hit it, my good man.

BOYET	          An I cannot, cannot, cannot,
	An I cannot, another can.

	[Exeunt ROSALINE and KATHARINE]

COSTARD	By my troth, most pleasant: how both did fit it!

MARIA	A mark marvellous well shot, for they both did hit it.

BOYET	A mark! O, mark but that mark! A mark, says my lady!
	Let the mark have a prick in't, to mete at, if it may be.

MARIA	Wide o' the bow hand! i' faith, your hand is out.

COSTARD	Indeed, a' must shoot nearer, or he'll ne'er hit the clout.

BOYET	An if my hand be out, then belike your hand is in.

COSTARD	Then will she get the upshoot by cleaving the pin.

MARIA	Come, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul.

COSTARD	She's too hard for you at pricks, sir: challenge her to bowl.

BOYET	I fear too much rubbing. Good night, my good owl.

	[Exeunt BOYET and MARIA]

COSTARD	By my soul, a swain! a most simple clown!
	Lord, Lord, how the ladies and I have put him down!
	O' my troth, most sweet jests! most incony
	vulgar wit!
	When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it
	were, so fit.
	Armado o' th' one side,--O, a most dainty man!
	To see him walk before a lady and to bear her fan!
	To see him kiss his hand! and how most sweetly a'
	will swear!
	And his page o' t' other side, that handful of wit!
	Ah, heavens, it is a most pathetical nit!
	Sola, sola!

	[Shout within]

	[Exit COSTARD, running]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT IV



SCENE II	The same.


	[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]

SIR NATHANIEL	Very reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimony
	of a good conscience.

HOLOFERNES	The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe
	as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in
	the ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven;
	and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra,
	the soil, the land, the earth.

SIR NATHANIEL	Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly
	varied, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I
	assure ye, it was a buck of the first head.

HOLOFERNES	Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.

DULL	'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.

HOLOFERNES	Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of
	insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of
	explication; facere, as it were, replication, or
	rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his
	inclination, after his undressed, unpolished,
	uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather,
	unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, to
	insert again my haud credo for a deer.

DULL	I said the deer was not a haud credo; twas a pricket.

HOLOFERNES	Twice-sod simplicity, his coctus!
	O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!

SIR NATHANIEL	Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred
	in a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; he
	hath not drunk ink: his intellect is not
	replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in
	the duller parts:
	And such barren plants are set before us, that we
	thankful should be,
	Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that
	do fructify in us more than he.
	For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool,
	So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school:
	But omne bene, say I; being of an old father's mind,
	Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.

DULL	You two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit
	What was a month old at Cain's birth, that's not five
	weeks old as yet?

HOLOFERNES	Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.

DULL	What is Dictynna?

SIR NATHANIEL	A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.

HOLOFERNES	The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,
	And raught not to five weeks when he came to
	five-score.
	The allusion holds in the exchange.

DULL	'Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.

HOLOFERNES	God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holds
	in the exchange.

DULL	And I say, the pollusion holds in the exchange; for
	the moon is never but a month old: and I say beside
	that, 'twas a pricket that the princess killed.

HOLOFERNES	Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph
	on the death of the deer? And, to humour the
	ignorant, call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.

SIR NATHANIEL	Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shall
	please you to abrogate scurrility.

HOLOFERNES	I will something affect the letter, for it argues facility.
	The preyful princess pierced and prick'd a pretty
	pleasing pricket;
	Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now made
	sore with shooting.
	The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumps
	from thicket;
	Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.
	If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores
	one sorel.
	Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.

SIR NATHANIEL	A rare talent!

DULL	[Aside]  If a talent be a claw, look how he claws
	him with a talent.

HOLOFERNES	This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a
	foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures,
	shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,
	revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle of
	memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, and
	delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the
	gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am
	thankful for it.

SIR NATHANIEL	Sir, I praise the Lord for you; and so may my
	parishioners; for their sons are well tutored by
	you, and their daughters profit very greatly under
	you: you are a good member of the commonwealth.

HOLOFERNES	Mehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shall
	want no instruction; if their daughters be capable,
	I will put it to them: but vir sapit qui pauca
	loquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.

	[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD]

JAQUENETTA	God give you good morrow, master Parson.

HOLOFERNES	Master Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one should be
	pierced, which is the one?

COSTARD	Marry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.

HOLOFERNES	Piercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in a
	tuft of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough
	for a swine: 'tis pretty; it is well.

JAQUENETTA	Good master Parson, be so good as read me this
	letter: it was given me by Costard, and sent me
	from Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.

HOLOFERNES	Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra
	Ruminat,--and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I
	may speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice;
	Venetia, Venetia,
	Chi non ti vede non ti pretia.
	Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth thee
	not, loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa.
	Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather,
	as Horace says in his--What, my soul, verses?

SIR NATHANIEL	Ay, sir, and very learned.

HOLOFERNES	Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.

SIR NATHANIEL	[Reads]

	If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
	Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd!
	Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove:
	Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like
	osiers bow'd.
	Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes,
	Where all those pleasures live that art would
	comprehend:
	If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice;
	Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend,
	All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;
	Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire:
	Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,
	Which not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.
	Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong,
	That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.

HOLOFERNES	You find not the apostraphas, and so miss the
	accent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here are
	only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy,
	facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret.
	Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso,
	but for smelling out the odouriferous flowers of
	fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing:
	so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper,
	the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin,
	was this directed to you?

JAQUENETTA	Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the strange
	queen's lords.

HOLOFERNES	I will overglance the superscript: 'To the
	snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady
	Rosaline.' I will look again on the intellect of
	the letter, for the nomination of the party writing
	to the person written unto: 'Your ladyship's in all
	desired employment, BIRON.' Sir Nathaniel, this
	Biron is one of the votaries with the king; and here
	he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the stranger
	queen's, which accidentally, or by the way of
	progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my
	sweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of the
	king: it may concern much. Stay not thy
	compliment; I forgive thy duty; adieu.

JAQUENETTA	Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!

COSTARD	Have with thee, my girl.

	[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA]

SIR NATHANIEL	Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, very
	religiously; and, as a certain father saith,--

HOLOFERNES	Sir tell me not of the father; I do fear colourable
	colours. But to return to the verses: did they
	please you, Sir Nathaniel?

SIR NATHANIEL	Marvellous well for the pen.

HOLOFERNES	I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil
	of mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please
	you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my
	privilege I have with the parents of the foresaid
	child or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where I
	will prove those verses to be very unlearned,
	neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention: I
	beseech your society.

SIR NATHANIEL	And thank you too; for society, saith the text, is
	the happiness of life.

HOLOFERNES	And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.

	[To DULL]

	Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not
	say me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are at
	their game, and we will to our recreation.

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT IV



SCENE III	The same.


	[Enter BIRON, with a paper]

BIRON	The king he is hunting the deer; I am coursing
	myself: they have pitched a toil; I am toiling in
	a pitch,--pitch that defiles: defile! a foul
	word. Well, set thee down, sorrow! for so they say
	the fool said, and so say I, and I the fool: well
	proved, wit! By the Lord, this love is as mad as
	Ajax: it kills sheep; it kills me, I a sheep:
	well proved again o' my side! I will not love: if
	I do, hang me; i' faith, I will not. O, but her
	eye,--by this light, but for her eye, I would not
	love her; yes, for her two eyes. Well, I do nothing
	in the world but lie, and lie in my throat. By
	heaven, I do love: and it hath taught me to rhyme
	and to be melancholy; and here is part of my rhyme,
	and here my melancholy. Well, she hath one o' my
	sonnets already: the clown bore it, the fool sent
	it, and the lady hath it: sweet clown, sweeter
	fool, sweetest lady! By the world, I would not care
	a pin, if the other three were in. Here comes one
	with a paper: God give him grace to groan!

	[Stands aside]

	[Enter FERDINAND, with a paper]

FERDINAND	Ay me!

BIRON	[Aside]  Shot, by heaven! Proceed, sweet Cupid:
	thou hast thumped him with thy bird-bolt under the
	left pap. In faith, secrets!

FERDINAND	[Reads]

	So sweet a kiss the golden sun gives not
	To those fresh morning drops upon the rose,
	As thy eye-beams, when their fresh rays have smote
	The night of dew that on my cheeks down flows:
	Nor shines the silver moon one half so bright
	Through the transparent bosom of the deep,
	As doth thy face through tears of mine give light;
	Thou shinest in every tear that I do weep:
	No drop but as a coach doth carry thee;
	So ridest thou triumphing in my woe.
	Do but behold the tears that swell in me,
	And they thy glory through my grief will show:
	But do not love thyself; then thou wilt keep
	My tears for glasses, and still make me weep.
	O queen of queens! how far dost thou excel,
	No thought can think, nor tongue of mortal tell.
	How shall she know my griefs? I'll drop the paper:
	Sweet leaves, shade folly. Who is he comes here?

	[Steps aside]

	What, Longaville! and reading! listen, ear.

BIRON	Now, in thy likeness, one more fool appear!

	[Enter LONGAVILLE, with a paper]

LONGAVILLE	Ay me, I am forsworn!

BIRON	Why, he comes in like a perjure, wearing papers.

FERDINAND	In love, I hope: sweet fellowship in shame!

BIRON	One drunkard loves another of the name.

LONGAVILLE	Am I the first that have been perjured so?

BIRON	I could put thee in comfort. Not by two that I know:
	Thou makest the triumviry, the corner-cap of society,
	The shape of Love's Tyburn that hangs up simplicity.

LONGAVILLE	I fear these stubborn lines lack power to move:
	O sweet Maria, empress of my love!
	These numbers will I tear, and write in prose.

BIRON	O, rhymes are guards on wanton Cupid's hose:
	Disfigure not his slop.

LONGAVILLE	This same shall go.

	[Reads]

	Did not the heavenly rhetoric of thine eye,
	'Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument,
	Persuade my heart to this false perjury?
	Vows for thee broke deserve not punishment.
	A woman I forswore; but I will prove,
	Thou being a goddess, I forswore not thee:
	My vow was earthly, thou a heavenly love;
	Thy grace being gain'd cures all disgrace in me.
	Vows are but breath, and breath a vapour is:
	Then thou, fair sun, which on my earth dost shine,
	Exhalest this vapour-vow; in thee it is:
	If broken then, it is no fault of mine:
	If by me broke, what fool is not so wise
	To lose an oath to win a paradise?

BIRON	This is the liver-vein, which makes flesh a deity,
	A green goose a goddess: pure, pure idolatry.
	God amend us, God amend! we are much out o' the way.

LONGAVILLE	By whom shall I send this?--Company! stay.

	[Steps aside]

BIRON	All hid, all hid; an old infant play.
	Like a demigod here sit I in the sky.
	And wretched fools' secrets heedfully o'ereye.
	More sacks to the mill! O heavens, I have my wish!

	[Enter DUMAIN, with a paper]

	Dumain transform'd! four woodcocks in a dish!

DUMAIN	O most divine Kate!

BIRON	O most profane coxcomb!

DUMAIN	By heaven, the wonder in a mortal eye!

BIRON	By earth, she is not, corporal, there you lie.

DUMAIN	Her amber hair for foul hath amber quoted.

BIRON	An amber-colour'd raven was well noted.

DUMAIN	As upright as the cedar.

BIRON	Stoop, I say;
	Her shoulder is with child.

DUMAIN	As fair as day.

BIRON	Ay, as some days; but then no sun must shine.

DUMAIN	O that I had my wish!

LONGAVILLE	And I had mine!

FERDINAND	And I mine too, good Lord!

BIRON	Amen, so I had mine: is not that a good word?

DUMAIN	I would forget her; but a fever she
	Reigns in my blood and will remember'd be.

BIRON	A fever in your blood! why, then incision
	Would let her out in saucers: sweet misprision!

DUMAIN	Once more I'll read the ode that I have writ.

BIRON	Once more I'll mark how love can vary wit.

DUMAIN	[Reads]

	On a day--alack the day!--
	Love, whose month is ever May,
	Spied a blossom passing fair
	Playing in the wanton air:
	Through the velvet leaves the wind,
	All unseen, can passage find;
	That the lover, sick to death,
	Wish himself the heaven's breath.
	Air, quoth he, thy cheeks may blow;
	Air, would I might triumph so!
	But, alack, my hand is sworn
	Ne'er to pluck thee from thy thorn;
	Vow, alack, for youth unmeet,
	Youth so apt to pluck a sweet!
	Do not call it sin in me,
	That I am forsworn for thee;
	Thou for whom Jove would swear
	Juno but an Ethiope were;
	And deny himself for Jove,
	Turning mortal for thy love.
	This will I send, and something else more plain,
	That shall express my true love's fasting pain.
	O, would the king, Biron, and Longaville,
	Were lovers too! Ill, to example ill,
	Would from my forehead wipe a perjured note;
	For none offend where all alike do dote.

LONGAVILLE	[Advancing]  Dumain, thy love is far from charity.
	You may look pale, but I should blush, I know,
	To be o'erheard and taken napping so.

FERDINAND	[Advancing]  Come, sir, you blush; as his your case is such;
	You chide at him, offending twice as much;
	You do not love Maria; Longaville
	Did never sonnet for her sake compile,
	Nor never lay his wreathed arms athwart
	His loving bosom to keep down his heart.
	I have been closely shrouded in this bush
	And mark'd you both and for you both did blush:
	I heard your guilty rhymes, observed your fashion,
	Saw sighs reek from you, noted well your passion:
	Ay me! says one; O Jove! the other cries;
	One, her hairs were gold, crystal the other's eyes:

	[To LONGAVILLE]

	You would for paradise break faith, and troth;

	[To DUMAIN]

	And Jove, for your love, would infringe an oath.
	What will Biron say when that he shall hear
	Faith so infringed, which such zeal did swear?
	How will he scorn! how will he spend his wit!
	How will he triumph, leap and laugh at it!
	For all the wealth that ever I did see,
	I would not have him know so much by me.

BIRON	Now step I forth to whip hypocrisy.

	[Advancing]

	Ah, good my liege, I pray thee, pardon me!
	Good heart, what grace hast thou, thus to reprove
	These worms for loving, that art most in love?
	Your eyes do make no coaches; in your tears
	There is no certain princess that appears;
	You'll not be perjured, 'tis a hateful thing;
	Tush, none but minstrels like of sonneting!
	But are you not ashamed? nay, are you not,
	All three of you, to be thus much o'ershot?
	You found his mote; the king your mote did see;
	But I a beam do find in each of three.
	O, what a scene of foolery have I seen,
	Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow and of teen!
	O me, with what strict patience have I sat,
	To see a king transformed to a gnat!
	To see great Hercules whipping a gig,
	And profound Solomon to tune a jig,
	And Nestor play at push-pin with the boys,
	And critic Timon laugh at idle toys!
	Where lies thy grief, O, tell me, good Dumain?
	And gentle Longaville, where lies thy pain?
	And where my liege's? all about the breast:
	A caudle, ho!

FERDINAND	                  Too bitter is thy jest.
	Are we betray'd thus to thy over-view?

BIRON	Not you to me, but I betray'd by you:
	I, that am honest; I, that hold it sin
	To break the vow I am engaged in;
	I am betray'd, by keeping company
	With men like men of inconstancy.
	When shall you see me write a thing in rhyme?
	Or groan for love? or spend a minute's time
	In pruning me? When shall you hear that I
	Will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye,
	A gait, a state, a brow, a breast, a waist,
	A leg, a limb?

FERDINAND	                  Soft! whither away so fast?
	A true man or a thief that gallops so?

BIRON	I post from love: good lover, let me go.

	[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD]

JAQUENETTA	God bless the king!

FERDINAND	What present hast thou there?

COSTARD	Some certain treason.

FERDINAND	What makes treason here?

COSTARD	Nay, it makes nothing, sir.

FERDINAND	If it mar nothing neither,
	The treason and you go in peace away together.

JAQUENETTA	I beseech your grace, let this letter be read:
	Our parson misdoubts it; 'twas treason, he said.

FERDINAND	Biron, read it over.

	[Giving him the paper]

	Where hadst thou it?

JAQUENETTA	Of Costard.

FERDINAND	Where hadst thou it?

COSTARD	Of Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.

	[BIRON tears the letter]

FERDINAND	How now! what is in you? why dost thou tear it?

BIRON	A toy, my liege, a toy: your grace needs not fear it.

LONGAVILLE	It did move him to passion, and therefore let's hear it.

DUMAIN	It is Biron's writing, and here is his name.

	[Gathering up the pieces]

BIRON	[To COSTARD]  Ah, you whoreson loggerhead! you were
	born to do me shame.
	Guilty, my lord, guilty! I confess, I confess.

FERDINAND	What?

BIRON	That you three fools lack'd me fool to make up the mess:
	He, he, and you, and you, my liege, and I,
	Are pick-purses in love, and we deserve to die.
	O, dismiss this audience, and I shall tell you more.

DUMAIN	Now the number is even.

BIRON	True, true; we are four.
	Will these turtles be gone?

FERDINAND	Hence, sirs; away!

COSTARD	Walk aside the true folk, and let the traitors stay.

	[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA]

BIRON	Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace!
	As true we are as flesh and blood can be:
	The sea will ebb and flow, heaven show his face;
	Young blood doth not obey an old decree:
	We cannot cross the cause why we were born;
	Therefore of all hands must we be forsworn.

FERDINAND	What, did these rent lines show some love of thine?

BIRON	Did they, quoth you? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline,
	That, like a rude and savage man of Inde,
	At the first opening of the gorgeous east,
	Bows not his vassal head and strucken blind
	Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?
	What peremptory eagle-sighted eye
	Dares look upon the heaven of her brow,
	That is not blinded by her majesty?

FERDINAND	   What zeal, what fury hath inspired thee now?
	My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon;
	She an attending star, scarce seen a light.

BIRON	My eyes are then no eyes, nor I Biron:
	O, but for my love, day would turn to night!
	Of all complexions the cull'd sovereignty
	Do meet, as at a fair, in her fair cheek,
	Where several worthies make one dignity,
	Where nothing wants that want itself doth seek.
	Lend me the flourish of all gentle tongues,--
	Fie, painted rhetoric! O, she needs it not:
	To things of sale a seller's praise belongs,
	She passes praise; then praise too short doth blot.
	A wither'd hermit, five-score winters worn,
	Might shake off fifty, looking in her eye:
	Beauty doth varnish age, as if new-born,
	And gives the crutch the cradle's infancy:
	O, 'tis the sun that maketh all things shine.

FERDINAND	   By heaven, thy love is black as ebony.

BIRON	Is ebony like her? O wood divine!
	A wife of such wood were felicity.
	O, who can give an oath? where is a book?
	That I may swear beauty doth beauty lack,
	If that she learn not of her eye to look:
	No face is fair that is not full so black.

FERDINAND	O paradox! Black is the badge of hell,
	The hue of dungeons and the suit of night;
	And beauty's crest becomes the heavens well.

BIRON	   Devils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light.
	O, if in black my lady's brows be deck'd,
	It mourns that painting and usurping hair
	Should ravish doters with a false aspect;
	And therefore is she born to make black fair.
	Her favour turns the fashion of the days,
	For native blood is counted painting now;
	And therefore red, that would avoid dispraise,
	Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.

DUMAIN	To look like her are chimney-sweepers black.

LONGAVILLE	   And since her time are colliers counted bright.

FERDINAND	And Ethiopes of their sweet complexion crack.

DUMAIN	   Dark needs no candles now, for dark is light.

BIRON	Your mistresses dare never come in rain,
	For fear their colours should be wash'd away.

FERDINAND	'Twere good, yours did; for, sir, to tell you plain,
	I'll find a fairer face not wash'd to-day.

BIRON	I'll prove her fair, or talk till doomsday here.

FERDINAND	   No devil will fright thee then so much as she.

DUMAIN	I never knew man hold vile stuff so dear.

LONGAVILLE	   Look, here's thy love: my foot and her face see.

BIRON	O, if the streets were paved with thine eyes,
	Her feet were much too dainty for such tread!

DUMAIN	O, vile! then, as she goes, what upward lies
	The street should see as she walk'd overhead.

FERDINAND	But what of this? are we not all in love?

BIRON	   Nothing so sure; and thereby all forsworn.

FERDINAND	Then leave this chat; and, good Biron, now prove
	Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.

DUMAIN	Ay, marry, there; some flattery for this evil.

LONGAVILLE	   O, some authority how to proceed;
	Some tricks, some quillets, how to cheat the devil.

DUMAIN	Some salve for perjury.

BIRON	'Tis more than need.
	Have at you, then, affection's men at arms.
	Consider what you first did swear unto,
	To fast, to study, and to see no woman;
	Flat treason 'gainst the kingly state of youth.
	Say, can you fast? your stomachs are too young;
	And abstinence engenders maladies.
	And where that you have vow'd to study, lords,
	In that each of you have forsworn his book,
	Can you still dream and pore and thereon look?
	For when would you, my lord, or you, or you,
	Have found the ground of study's excellence
	Without the beauty of a woman's face?
	[From women's eyes this doctrine I derive;
	They are the ground, the books, the academes
	From whence doth spring the true Promethean fire]
	Why, universal plodding poisons up
	The nimble spirits in the arteries,
	As motion and long-during action tires
	The sinewy vigour of the traveller.
	Now, for not looking on a woman's face,
	You have in that forsworn the use of eyes
	And study too, the causer of your vow;
	For where is any author in the world
	Teaches such beauty as a woman's eye?
	Learning is but an adjunct to ourself
	And where we are our learning likewise is:
	Then when ourselves we see in ladies' eyes,
	Do we not likewise see our learning there?
	O, we have made a vow to study, lords,
	And in that vow we have forsworn our books.
	For when would you, my liege, or you, or you,
	In leaden contemplation have found out
	Such fiery numbers as the prompting eyes
	Of beauty's tutors have enrich'd you with?
	Other slow arts entirely keep the brain;
	And therefore, finding barren practisers,
	Scarce show a harvest of their heavy toil:
	But love, first learned in a lady's eyes,
	Lives not alone immured in the brain;
	But, with the motion of all elements,
	Courses as swift as thought in every power,
	And gives to every power a double power,
	Above their functions and their offices.
	It adds a precious seeing to the eye;
	A lover's eyes will gaze an eagle blind;
	A lover's ear will hear the lowest sound,
	When the suspicious head of theft is stopp'd:
	Love's feeling is more soft and sensible
	Than are the tender horns of cockl'd snails;
	Love's tongue proves dainty Bacchus gross in taste:
	For valour, is not Love a Hercules,
	Still climbing trees in the Hesperides?
	Subtle as Sphinx; as sweet and musical
	As bright Apollo's lute, strung with his hair:
	And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods
	Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.
	Never durst poet touch a pen to write
	Until his ink were temper'd with Love's sighs;
	O, then his lines would ravish savage ears
	And plant in tyrants mild humility.
	From women's eyes this doctrine I derive:
	They sparkle still the right Promethean fire;
	They are the books, the arts, the academes,
	That show, contain and nourish all the world:
	Else none at all in ought proves excellent.
	Then fools you were these women to forswear,
	Or keeping what is sworn, you will prove fools.
	For wisdom's sake, a word that all men love,
	Or for love's sake, a word that loves all men,
	Or for men's sake, the authors of these women,
	Or women's sake, by whom we men are men,
	Let us once lose our oaths to find ourselves,
	Or else we lose ourselves to keep our oaths.
	It is religion to be thus forsworn,
	For charity itself fulfills the law,
	And who can sever love from charity?

FERDINAND	Saint Cupid, then! and, soldiers, to the field!

BIRON	Advance your standards, and upon them, lords;
	Pell-mell, down with them! but be first advised,
	In conflict that you get the sun of them.

LONGAVILLE	Now to plain-dealing; lay these glozes by:
	Shall we resolve to woo these girls of France?

FERDINAND	And win them too: therefore let us devise
	Some entertainment for them in their tents.

BIRON	First, from the park let us conduct them thither;
	Then homeward every man attach the hand
	Of his fair mistress: in the afternoon
	We will with some strange pastime solace them,
	Such as the shortness of the time can shape;
	For revels, dances, masks and merry hours
	Forerun fair Love, strewing her way with flowers.

FERDINAND	Away, away! no time shall be omitted
	That will betime, and may by us be fitted.

BIRON	Allons! allons! Sow'd cockle reap'd no corn;
	And justice always whirls in equal measure:
	Light wenches may prove plagues to men forsworn;
	If so, our copper buys no better treasure.

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT V



SCENE I	The same.


	[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]

HOLOFERNES	Satis quod sufficit.

SIR NATHANIEL	I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner
	have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without
	scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without
	impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-
	out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with
	a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nomi-
	nated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

HOLOFERNES	Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
	discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye
	ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
	behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
	too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
	were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

SIR NATHANIEL	A most singular and choice epithet.

	[Draws out his table-book]

HOLOFERNES	He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer
	than the staple of his argument. I abhor such
	fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
	point-devise companions; such rackers of
	orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should
	say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,--d,
	e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf;
	half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh
	abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,--which he
	would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of
	insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.

SIR NATHANIEL	Laus Deo, bene intelligo.

HOLOFERNES	Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd,
	'twill serve.

SIR NATHANIEL	Videsne quis venit?

HOLOFERNES	Video, et gaudeo.

	[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Chirrah!

	[To MOTH]

HOLOFERNES	Quare chirrah, not sirrah?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Men of peace, well encountered.

HOLOFERNES	Most military sir, salutation.

MOTH	[Aside to COSTARD]  They have been at a great feast
	of languages, and stolen the scraps.

COSTARD	O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words.
	I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word;
	for thou art not so long by the head as
	honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier
	swallowed than a flap-dragon.

MOTH	Peace! the peal begins.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	[To HOLOFERNES]  Monsieur, are you not lettered?

MOTH	Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a,
	b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?

HOLOFERNES	Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.

MOTH	Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.

HOLOFERNES	Quis, quis, thou consonant?

MOTH	The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
	the fifth, if I.

HOLOFERNES	I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--

MOTH	The sheep: the other two concludes it,--o, u.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet
	touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and
	home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!

MOTH	Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.

HOLOFERNES	What is the figure? what is the figure?

MOTH	Horns.

HOLOFERNES	Thou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.

MOTH	Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about
	your infamy circum circa,--a gig of a cuckold's horn.

COSTARD	An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst
	have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very
	remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny
	purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an
	the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my
	bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me!
	Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers'
	ends, as they say.

HOLOFERNES	O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Arts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the
	barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the
	charge-house on the top of the mountain?

HOLOFERNES	Or mons, the hill.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

HOLOFERNES	I do, sans question.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and
	affection to congratulate the princess at her
	pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the
	rude multitude call the afternoon.

HOLOFERNES	The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is
	liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon:
	the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do
	assure you, sir, I do assure.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar,
	I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is
	inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee,
	remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy
	head: and among other important and most serious
	designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let
	that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his
	grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor
	shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally
	with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet
	heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
	fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his
	greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
	travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass.
	The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do
	implore secrecy,--that the king would have me
	present the princess, sweet chuck, with some
	delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or
	antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the
	curate and your sweet self are good at such
	eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it
	were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to
	crave your assistance.

HOLOFERNES	Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies.
	Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
	show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by
	our assistants, at the king's command, and this most
	gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before
	the princess; I say none so fit as to present the
	Nine Worthies.

SIR NATHANIEL	Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

HOLOFERNES	Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman,
	Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
	limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the
	page, Hercules,--

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for
	that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.

HOLOFERNES	Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in
	minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a
	snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

MOTH	An excellent device! so, if any of the audience
	hiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thou
	crushest the snake!' that is the way to make an
	offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	For the rest of the Worthies?--

HOLOFERNES	I will play three myself.

MOTH	Thrice-worthy gentleman!

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Shall I tell you a thing?

HOLOFERNES	We attend.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I
	beseech you, follow.

HOLOFERNES	Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

DULL	Nor understood none neither, sir.

HOLOFERNES	Allons! we will employ thee.

DULL	I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play
	On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

HOLOFERNES	Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!

	[Exeunt]




	LOVE'S LABOURS LOST


ACT V



SCENE II	The same.


	[Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA]

PRINCESS	Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
	If fairings come thus plentifully in:
	A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
	Look you what I have from the loving king.

ROSALINE	Madame, came nothing else along with that?

PRINCESS	Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme
	As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper,
	Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all,
	That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.

ROSALINE	That was the way to make his godhead wax,
	For he hath been five thousand years a boy.

KATHARINE	Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.

ROSALINE	You'll ne'er be friends with him; a' kill'd your sister.

KATHARINE	He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
	And so she died: had she been light, like you,
	Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
	She might ha' been a grandam ere she died:
	And so may you; for a light heart lives long.

ROSALINE	What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?

KATHARINE	A light condition in a beauty dark.

ROSALINE	We need more light to find your meaning out.

KATHARINE	You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
	Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.

ROSALINE	Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark.

KATHARINE	So do not you, for you are a light wench.

ROSALINE	Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.

KATHARINE	You weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me.

ROSALINE	Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'

PRINCESS	Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
	But Rosaline, you have a favour too:
	Who sent it? and what is it?

ROSALINE	I would you knew:
	An if my face were but as fair as yours,
	My favour were as great; be witness this.
	Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron:
	The numbers true; and, were the numbering too,
	I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
	I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.
	O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!

PRINCESS	Any thing like?

ROSALINE	Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.

PRINCESS	Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.

KATHARINE	Fair as a text B in a copy-book.

ROSALINE	'Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor,
	My red dominical, my golden letter:
	O, that your face were not so full of O's!

KATHARINE	A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.

PRINCESS	But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?

KATHARINE	Madam, this glove.

PRINCESS	                  Did he not send you twain?

KATHARINE	Yes, madam, and moreover
	Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
	A huge translation of hypocrisy,
	Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.

MARIA	This and these pearls to me sent Longaville:
	The letter is too long by half a mile.

PRINCESS	I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
	The chain were longer and the letter short?

MARIA	Ay, or I would these hands might never part.

PRINCESS	We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.

ROSALINE	They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
	That same Biron I'll torture ere I go:
	O that I knew he were but in by the week!
	How I would make him fawn and beg and seek
	And wait the season and observe the times
	And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes
	And shape his service wholly to my hests
	And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
	So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state
	That he should be my fool and I his fate.

PRINCESS	None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd,
	As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd,
	Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school
	And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.

ROSALINE	The blood of youth burns not with such excess
	As gravity's revolt to wantonness.

MARIA	Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
	As foolery in the wise, when wit doth dote;
	Since all the power thereof it doth apply
	To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.

PRINCESS	Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.

	[Enter BOYET]

BOYET	O, I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her grace?

PRINCESS	Thy news Boyet?

BOYET	                  Prepare, madam, prepare!
	Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are
	Against your peace: Love doth approach disguised,
	Armed in arguments; you'll be surprised:
	Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;
	Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.

PRINCESS	Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
	That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say.

BOYET	Under the cool shade of a sycamore
	I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
	When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest,
	Toward that shade I might behold addrest
	The king and his companions: warily
	I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
	And overheard what you shall overhear,
	That, by and by, disguised they will be here.
	Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
	That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage:
	Action and accent did they teach him there;
	'Thus must thou speak,' and 'thus thy body bear:'
	And ever and anon they made a doubt
	Presence majestical would put him out,
	'For,' quoth the king, 'an angel shalt thou see;
	Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.'
	The boy replied, 'An angel is not evil;
	I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.'
	With that, all laugh'd and clapp'd him on the shoulder,
	Making the bold wag by their praises bolder:
	One rubb'd his elbow thus, and fleer'd and swore
	A better speech was never spoke before;
	Another, with his finger and his thumb,
	Cried, 'Via! we will do't, come what will come;'
	The third he caper'd, and cried, 'All goes well;'
	The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell.
	With that, they all did tumble on the ground,
	With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
	That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
	To cheque their folly, passion's solemn tears.

PRINCESS	But what, but what, come they to visit us?

BOYET	They do, they do: and are apparell'd thus.
	Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess.
	Their purpose is to parle, to court and dance;
	And every one his love-feat will advance
	Unto his several mistress, which they'll know
	By favours several which they did bestow.

PRINCESS	And will they so? the gallants shall be task'd;
	For, ladies, we shall every one be mask'd;
	And not a man of them shall have the grace,
	Despite of suit, to see a lady's face.
	Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
	And then the king will court thee for his dear;
	Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
	So shall Biron take me for Rosaline.
	And change your favours too; so shall your loves
	Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.

ROSALINE	Come on, then; wear the favours most in sight.

KATHARINE	But in this changing what is your intent?

PRINCESS	The effect of my intent is to cross theirs:
	They do it but in mocking merriment;
	And mock for mock is only my intent.
	Their several counsels they unbosom shall
	To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal
	Upon the next occasion that we meet,
	With visages displayed, to talk and greet.

ROSALINE	But shall we dance, if they desire to't?

PRINCESS	No, to the death, we will not move a foot;
	Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace,
	But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.

BOYET	Why, that contempt will kill the speaker's heart,
	And quite divorce his memory from his part.

PRINCESS	Therefore I do it; and I make no doubt
	The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out
	There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown,
	To make theirs ours and ours none but our own:
	So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
	And they, well mock'd, depart away with shame.

	[Trumpets sound within]

BOYET	The trumpet sounds: be mask'd; the maskers come.

	[The Ladies mask]

	[Enter Blackamoors with music; MOTH; FERDINAND,
	BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in Russian habits,
	and masked]

MOTH	All hail, the richest beauties on the earth!--

BOYET	Beauties no richer than rich taffeta.

MOTH	A holy parcel of the fairest dames.

	[The Ladies turn their backs to him]

	That ever turn'd their--backs--to mortal views!

BIRON	[Aside to MOTH]  Their eyes, villain, their eyes!

MOTH	That ever turn'd their eyes to mortal views!--Out--

BOYET	True; out indeed.

MOTH	Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe
	Not to behold--

BIRON	[Aside to MOTH]  Once to behold, rogue.

MOTH	Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes,
	--with your sun-beamed eyes--

BOYET	They will not answer to that epithet;
	You were best call it 'daughter-beamed eyes.'

MOTH	They do not mark me, and that brings me out.

BIRON	Is this your perfectness? be gone, you rogue!

	[Exit MOTH]

ROSALINE	What would these strangers? know their minds, Boyet:
	If they do speak our language, 'tis our will:
	That some plain man recount their purposes
	Know what they would.

BOYET	What would you with the princess?

BIRON	Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

ROSALINE	What would they, say they?

BOYET	Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

ROSALINE	Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.

BOYET	She says, you have it, and you may be gone.

FERDINAND	Say to her, we have measured many miles
	To tread a measure with her on this grass.

BOYET	They say, that they have measured many a mile
	To tread a measure with you on this grass.

ROSALINE	It is not so. Ask them how many inches
	Is in one mile: if they have measured many,
	The measure then of one is easily told.

BOYET	If to come hither you have measured miles,
	And many miles, the princess bids you tell
	How many inches doth fill up one mile.

BIRON	Tell her, we measure them by weary steps.

BOYET	She hears herself.

ROSALINE	                  How many weary steps,
	Of many weary miles you have o'ergone,
	Are number'd in the travel of one mile?

BIRON	We number nothing that we spend for you:
	Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
	That we may do it still without accompt.
	Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face,
	That we, like savages, may worship it.

ROSALINE	My face is but a moon, and clouded too.

FERDINAND	Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do!
	Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine,
	Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.

ROSALINE	O vain petitioner! beg a greater matter;
	Thou now request'st but moonshine in the water.

FERDINAND	Then, in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
	Thou bid'st me beg: this begging is not strange.

ROSALINE	Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.

	[Music plays]

	Not yet! no dance! Thus change I like the moon.

FERDINAND	Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?

ROSALINE	You took the moon at full, but now she's changed.

FERDINAND	Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
	The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it.

ROSALINE	Our ears vouchsafe it.

FERDINAND	But your legs should do it.

ROSALINE	Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
	We'll not be nice: take hands. We will not dance.

FERDINAND	Why take we hands, then?

ROSALINE	Only to part friends:
	Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends.

FERDINAND	More measure of this measure; be not nice.

ROSALINE	We can afford no more at such a price.

FERDINAND	Prize you yourselves: what buys your company?

ROSALINE	Your absence only.

FERDINAND	                  That can never be.

ROSALINE	Then cannot we be bought: and so, adieu;
	Twice to your visor, and half once to you.

FERDINAND	If you deny to dance, let's hold more chat.

ROSALINE	In private, then.

FERDINAND	                  I am best pleased with that.

	[They converse apart]

BIRON	White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.

PRINCESS	Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.

BIRON	Nay then, two treys, and if you grow so nice,
	Metheglin, wort, and malmsey: well run, dice!
	There's half-a-dozen sweets.

PRINCESS	Seventh sweet, adieu:
	Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you.

BIRON	One word in secret.

PRINCESS	Let it not be sweet.

BIRON	Thou grievest my gall.

PRINCESS	Gall! bitter.

BIRON	Therefore meet.

	[They converse apart]

DUMAIN	Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?

MARIA	Name it.

DUMAIN	       Fair lady,--

MARIA	Say you so? Fair lord,--
	Take that for your fair lady.

DUMAIN	Please it you,
	As much in private, and I'll bid adieu.

	[They converse apart]

KATHARINE	What, was your vizard made without a tongue?

LONGAVILLE	I know the reason, lady, why you ask.

KATHARINE	O for your reason! quickly, sir; I long.

LONGAVILLE	You have a double tongue within your mask,
	And would afford my speechless vizard half.

KATHARINE	Veal, quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf?

LONGAVILLE	A calf, fair lady!

KATHARINE	                  No, a fair lord calf.

LONGAVILLE	Let's part the word.

KATHARINE	No, I'll not be your half
	Take all, and wean it; it may prove an ox.

LONGAVILLE	Look, how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks!
	Will you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.

KATHARINE	Then die a calf, before your horns do grow.

LONGAVILLE	One word in private with you, ere I die.

KATHARINE	Bleat softly then; the butcher hears you cry.

	[They converse apart]

BOYET	The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
	As is the razor's edge invisible,
	Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen,
	Above the sense of sense; so sensible
	Seemeth their conference; their conceits have wings
	Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.

ROSALINE	Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.

BIRON	By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!

FERDINAND	Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.

PRINCESS	Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits.

	[Exeunt FERDINAND, Lords, and Blackamoors]

	Are these the breed of wits so wonder'd at?

BOYET	Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puff'd out.

ROSALINE	Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.

PRINCESS	O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
	Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
	Or ever, but in vizards, show their faces?
	This pert Biron was out of countenance quite.

ROSALINE	O, they were all in lamentable cases!
	The king was weeping-ripe for a good word.

PRINCESS	Biron did swear himself out of all suit.

MARIA	Dumain was at my service, and his sword:
	No point, quoth I; my servant straight was mute.

KATHARINE	Lord Longaville said, I came o'er his heart;
	And trow you what he called me?

PRINCESS	Qualm, perhaps.

KATHARINE	Yes, in good faith.

PRINCESS	Go, sickness as thou art!

ROSALINE	Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps.
	But will you hear? the king is my love sworn.

PRINCESS	And quick Biron hath plighted faith to me.

KATHARINE	And Longaville was for my service born.

MARIA	Dumain is mine, as sure as bark on tree.

BOYET	Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear:
	Immediately they will again be here
	In their own shapes; for it can never be
	They will digest this harsh indignity.

PRINCESS	Will they return?

BOYET	                  They will, they will, God knows,
	And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows:
	Therefore change favours; and, when they repair,
	Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.

PRINCESS	How blow? how blow? speak to be understood.

BOYET	Fair ladies mask'd are roses in their bud;
	Dismask'd, their damask sweet commixture shown,
	Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.

PRINCESS	Avaunt, perplexity! What shall we do,
	If they return in their own shapes to woo?

ROSALINE	Good madam, if by me you'll be advised,
	Let's, mock them still, as well known as disguised:
	Let us complain to them what fools were here,
	Disguised like Muscovites, in shapeless gear;
	And wonder what they were and to what end
	Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penn'd
	And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
	Should be presented at our tent to us.

BOYET	Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.

PRINCESS	Whip to our tents, as roes run o'er land.

	[Exeunt PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIA]

	[Re-enter FERDINAND, BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN,
	in their proper habits]

FERDINAND	Fair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?

BOYET	Gone to her tent. Please it your majesty
	Command me any service to her thither?

FERDINAND	That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.

BOYET	I will; and so will she, I know, my lord.

	[Exit]

BIRON	This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease,
	And utters it again when God doth please:
	He is wit's pedler, and retails his wares
	At wakes and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs;
	And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
	Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
	This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve;
	Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve;
	A' can carve too, and lisp: why, this is he
	That kiss'd his hand away in courtesy;
	This is the ape of form, monsieur the nice,
	That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice
	In honourable terms: nay, he can sing
	A mean most meanly; and in ushering
	Mend him who can: the ladies call him sweet;
	The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet:
	This is the flower that smiles on every one,
	To show his teeth as white as whale's bone;
	And consciences, that will not die in debt,
	Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet.

FERDINAND	A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
	That put Armado's page out of his part!

BIRON	See where it comes! Behavior, what wert thou
	Till this madman show'd thee? and what art thou now?

	[Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET, ROSALINE,
	MARIA, and KATHARINE]

FERDINAND	All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!

PRINCESS	'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul, as I conceive.

FERDINAND	Construe my speeches better, if you may.

PRINCESS	Then wish me better; I will give you leave.

FERDINAND	We came to visit you, and purpose now
	To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then.

PRINCESS	This field shall hold me; and so hold your vow:
	Nor God, nor I, delights in perjured men.

FERDINAND	Rebuke me not for that which you provoke:
	The virtue of your eye must break my oath.

PRINCESS	You nickname virtue; vice you should have spoke;
	For virtue's office never breaks men's troth.
	Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure
	As the unsullied lily, I protest,
	A world of torments though I should endure,
	I would not yield to be your house's guest;
	So much I hate a breaking cause to be
	Of heavenly oaths, vow'd with integrity.

FERDINAND	O, you have lived in desolation here,
	Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.

PRINCESS	Not so, my lord; it is not so, I swear;
	We have had pastimes here and pleasant game:
	A mess of Russians left us but of late.

FERDINAND	How, madam! Russians!

PRINCESS	Ay, in truth, my lord;
	Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.

ROSALINE	Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord:
	My lady, to the manner of the days,
	In courtesy gives undeserving praise.
	We four indeed confronted were with four
	In Russian habit: here they stay'd an hour,
	And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord,
	They did not bless us with one happy word.
	I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
	When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.

BIRON	This jest is dry to me. Fair gentle sweet,
	Your wit makes wise things foolish: when we greet,
	With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiery eye,
	By light we lose light: your capacity
	Is of that nature that to your huge store
	Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.

ROSALINE	This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye,--

BIRON	I am a fool, and full of poverty.

ROSALINE	But that you take what doth to you belong,
	It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.

BIRON	O, I am yours, and all that I possess!

ROSALINE	All the fool mine?

BIRON	                  I cannot give you less.

ROSALINE	Which of the vizards was it that you wore?

BIRON	Where? when? what vizard? why demand you this?

ROSALINE	There, then, that vizard; that superfluous case
	That hid the worse and show'd the better face.

FERDINAND	We are descried; they'll mock us now downright.

DUMAIN	Let us confess and turn it to a jest.

PRINCESS	Amazed, my lord? why looks your highness sad?

ROSALINE	Help, hold his brows! he'll swoon! Why look you pale?
	Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy.

BIRON	Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.
	Can any face of brass hold longer out?
	Here stand I	lady, dart thy skill at me;
	Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout;
	Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance;
	Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit;
	And I will wish thee never more to dance,
	Nor never more in Russian habit wait.
	O, never will I trust to speeches penn'd,
	Nor to the motion of a schoolboy's tongue,
	Nor never come in vizard to my friend,
	Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper's song!
	Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise,
	Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation,
	Figures pedantical; these summer-flies
	Have blown me full of maggot ostentation:
	I do forswear them; and I here protest,
	By this white glove;--how white the hand, God knows!--
	Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd
	In russet yeas and honest kersey noes:
	And, to begin, wench,--so God help me, la!--
	My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.

ROSALINE	Sans sans, I pray you.

BIRON	Yet I have a trick
	Of the old rage: bear with me, I am sick;
	I'll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see:
	Write, 'Lord have mercy on us' on those three;
	They are infected; in their hearts it lies;
	They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes;
	These lords are visited; you are not free,
	For the Lord's tokens on you do I see.

PRINCESS	No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.

BIRON	Our states are forfeit: seek not to undo us.

ROSALINE	It is not so; for how can this be true,
	That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?

BIRON	Peace! for I will not have to do with you.

ROSALINE	Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.

BIRON	Speak for yourselves; my wit is at an end.

FERDINAND	Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
	Some fair excuse.

PRINCESS	                  The fairest is confession.
	Were not you here but even now disguised?

FERDINAND	Madam, I was.

PRINCESS	                  And were you well advised?

FERDINAND	I was, fair madam.

PRINCESS	                  When you then were here,
	What did you whisper in your lady's ear?

FERDINAND	That more than all the world I did respect her.

PRINCESS	When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.

FERDINAND	Upon mine honour, no.

PRINCESS	Peace, peace! forbear:
	Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.

FERDINAND	Despise me, when I break this oath of mine.

PRINCESS	I will: and therefore keep it. Rosaline,
	What did the Russian whisper in your ear?

ROSALINE	Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
	As precious eyesight, and did value me
	Above this world; adding thereto moreover
	That he would wed me, or else die my lover.

PRINCESS	God give thee joy of him! the noble lord
	Most honourably doth unhold his word.

FERDINAND	What mean you, madam? by my life, my troth,
	I never swore this lady such an oath.

ROSALINE	By heaven, you did; and to confirm it plain,
	You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.

FERDINAND	My faith and this the princess I did give:
	I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

PRINCESS	Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;
	And Lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear.
	What, will you have me, or your pearl again?

BIRON	Neither of either; I remit both twain.
	I see the trick on't: here was a consent,
	Knowing aforehand of our merriment,
	To dash it like a Christmas comedy:
	Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,
	Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick,
	That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick
	To make my lady laugh when she's disposed,
	Told our intents before; which once disclosed,
	The ladies did change favours: and then we,
	Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she.
	Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
	We are again forsworn, in will and error.
	Much upon this it is: and might not you

	[To BOYET]

	Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
	Do not you know my lady's foot by the squier,
	And laugh upon the apple of her eye?
	And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,
	Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
	You put our page out: go, you are allow'd;
	Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.
	You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye
	Wounds like a leaden sword.

BOYET	Full merrily
	Hath this brave manage, this career, been run.

BIRON	Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace! I have done.

	[Enter COSTARD]

	Welcome, pure wit! thou partest a fair fray.

COSTARD	O Lord, sir, they would know
	Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.

BIRON	What, are there but three?

COSTARD	No, sir; but it is vara fine,
	For every one pursents three.

BIRON	And three times thrice is nine.

COSTARD	Not so, sir; under correction, sir; I hope it is not so.
	You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir we know
	what we know:
	I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir,--

BIRON	Is not nine.

COSTARD	Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.

BIRON	By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.

COSTARD	O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your living
	by reckoning, sir.

BIRON	How much is it?

COSTARD	O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors,
	sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount: for mine
	own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one man
	in one poor man, Pompion the Great, sir.

BIRON	Art thou one of the Worthies?

COSTARD	It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompion the
	Great: for mine own part, I know not the degree of
	the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.

BIRON	Go, bid them prepare.

COSTARD	We will turn it finely off, sir; we will take
	some care.

	[Exit]

FERDINAND	Biron, they will shame us: let them not approach.

BIRON	We are shame-proof, my lord: and tis some policy
	To have one show worse than the king's and his company.

FERDINAND	I say they shall not come.

PRINCESS	Nay, my good lord, let me o'errule you now:
	That sport best pleases that doth least know how:
	Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
	Dies in the zeal of that which it presents:
	Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
	When great things labouring perish in their birth.

BIRON	A right description of our sport, my lord.

	[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal
	sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.

	[Converses apart with FERDINAND, and delivers him a paper]

PRINCESS	Doth this man serve God?

BIRON	Why ask you?

PRINCESS	He speaks not like a man of God's making.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for,
	I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding
	fantastical; too, too vain, too too vain: but we
	will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra.
	I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!

	[Exit]

FERDINAND	Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He
	presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the
	Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Armado's page,
	Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus: And if
	these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
	These four will change habits, and present the other five.

BIRON	There is five in the first show.

FERDINAND	You are deceived; 'tis not so.

BIRON	The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool
	and the boy:--
	Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
	Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.

FERDINAND	The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

	[Enter COSTARD, for Pompey]

COSTARD	I Pompey am,--

BOYET	                  You lie, you are not he.

COSTARD	I Pompey am,--

BOYET	                  With libbard's head on knee.

BIRON	Well said, old mocker: I must needs be friends
	with thee.

COSTARD	I Pompey am, Pompey surnamed the Big--

DUMAIN	The Great.

COSTARD	It is, 'Great,' sir:--
		 Pompey surnamed the Great;
	That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make
	my foe to sweat:
	And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,
	And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France,
	If your ladyship would say, 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done.

PRINCESS	Great thanks, great Pompey.

COSTARD	'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect: I
	made a little fault in 'Great.'

BIRON	My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.

	[Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for Alexander]

SIR NATHANIEL	When in the world I lived, I was the world's
	commander;
	By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
	conquering might:
	My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander,--

BOYET	Your nose says, no, you are not for it stands too right.

BIRON	Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight.

PRINCESS	The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.

SIR NATHANIEL	When in the world I lived, I was the world's
	commander,--

BOYET	Most true, 'tis right; you were so, Alisander.

BIRON	Pompey the Great,--

COSTARD	Your servant, and Costard.

BIRON	Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.

COSTARD	[To SIR NATHANIEL]  O, sir, you have overthrown
	Alisander the conqueror! You will be scraped out of
	the painted cloth for this: your lion, that holds
	his poll-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given
	to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror,
	and afeard to speak! run away for shame, Alisander.

	[SIR NATHANIEL retires]

	There, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man; an
	honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a
	marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good
	bowler: but, for Alisander,--alas, you see how
	'tis,--a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies
	a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.

	[Enter HOLOFERNES, for Judas; and MOTH, for Hercules]

HOLOFERNES	   Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
	Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
	And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
	Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
	Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
	Ergo I come with this apology.
	Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.

	[MOTH retires]

	Judas I am,--

DUMAIN	A Judas!

HOLOFERNES	Not Iscariot, sir.
	Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.

DUMAIN	Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.

BIRON	A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas?

HOLOFERNES	Judas I am,--

DUMAIN	The more shame for you, Judas.

HOLOFERNES	What mean you, sir?

BOYET	To make Judas hang himself.

HOLOFERNES	Begin, sir; you are my elder.

BIRON	Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder.

HOLOFERNES	I will not be put out of countenance.

BIRON	Because thou hast no face.

HOLOFERNES	What is this?

BOYET	A cittern-head.

DUMAIN	The head of a bodkin.

BIRON	A Death's face in a ring.

LONGAVILLE	The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.

BOYET	The pommel of Caesar's falchion.

DUMAIN	The carved-bone face on a flask.

BIRON	Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch.

DUMAIN	Ay, and in a brooch of lead.

BIRON	Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
	And now forward; for we have put thee in countenance.

HOLOFERNES	You have put me out of countenance.

BIRON	False; we have given thee faces.

HOLOFERNES	But you have out-faced them all.

BIRON	An thou wert a lion, we would do so.

BOYET	Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
	And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay?

DUMAIN	For the latter end of his name.

BIRON	For the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away!

HOLOFERNES	This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.

BOYET	A light for Monsieur Judas! it grows dark, he may stumble.

	[HOLOFERNES retires]

PRINCESS	Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!

	[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, for Hector]

BIRON	Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.

DUMAIN	Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.

FERDINAND	Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.

BOYET	But is this Hector?

FERDINAND	I think Hector was not so clean-timbered.

LONGAVILLE	His leg is too big for Hector's.

DUMAIN	More calf, certain.

BOYET	No; he is best endued in the small.

BIRON	This cannot be Hector.

DUMAIN	He's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
	Gave Hector a gift,--

DUMAIN	A gilt nutmeg.

BIRON	A lemon.

LONGAVILLE	Stuck with cloves.

DUMAIN	No, cloven.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Peace!--
	The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty
	Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;
	A man so breathed, that certain he would fight; yea
	From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
	I am that flower,--

DUMAIN	That mint.

LONGAVILLE	That columbine.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.

LONGAVILLE	I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.

DUMAIN	Ay, and Hector's a greyhound.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks,
	beat not the bones of the buried: when he breathed,
	he was a man. But I will forward with my device.

	[To the PRINCESS]

	Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.

PRINCESS	Speak, brave Hector: we are much delighted.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper.

BOYET	[Aside to DUMAIN]  Loves her by the foot,--

DUMAIN	[Aside to BOYET]  He may not by the yard.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	This Hector far surmounted Hannibal,--

COSTARD	The party is gone, fellow Hector, she is gone; she
	is two months on her way.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	What meanest thou?

COSTARD	Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor
	wench is cast away: she's quick; the child brags in
	her belly already: tis yours.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? thou shalt
	die.

COSTARD	Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is
	quick by him and hanged for Pompey that is dead by
	him.

DUMAIN	Most rare Pompey!

BOYET	Renowned Pompey!

BIRON	Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey!
	Pompey the Huge!

DUMAIN	Hector trembles.

BIRON	Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates! stir them
	on! stir them on!

DUMAIN	Hector will challenge him.

BIRON	Ay, if a' have no man's blood in's belly than will
	sup a flea.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	By the north pole, I do challenge thee.

COSTARD	I will not fight with a pole, like a northern man:
	I'll slash; I'll do it by the sword. I bepray you,
	let me borrow my arms again.

DUMAIN	Room for the incensed Worthies!

COSTARD	I'll do it in my shirt.

DUMAIN	Most resolute Pompey!

MOTH	Master, let me take you a buttonhole lower. Do you
	not see Pompey is uncasing for the combat? What mean
	you? You will lose your reputation.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat
	in my shirt.

DUMAIN	You may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet bloods, I both may and will.

BIRON	What reason have you for't?

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt; I go
	woolward for penance.

BOYET	True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want of
	linen: since when, I'll be sworn, he wore none but
	a dishclout of Jaquenetta's, and that a' wears next
	his heart for a favour.

	[Enter MERCADE]

MERCADE	God save you, madam!

PRINCESS	Welcome, Mercade;
	But that thou interrupt'st our merriment.

MERCADE	I am sorry, madam; for the news I bring
	Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father--

PRINCESS	Dead, for my life!

MERCADE	Even so; my tale is told.

BIRON	Worthies, away! the scene begins to cloud.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I have
	seen the day of wrong through the little hole of
	discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier.

	[Exeunt Worthies]

FERDINAND	How fares your majesty?

PRINCESS	Boyet, prepare; I will away tonight.

FERDINAND	Madam, not so; I do beseech you, stay.

PRINCESS	Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
	For all your fair endeavors; and entreat,
	Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe
	In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
	The liberal opposition of our spirits,
	If over-boldly we have borne ourselves
	In the converse of breath: your gentleness
	Was guilty of it. Farewell worthy lord!
	A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue:
	Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks
	For my great suit so easily obtain'd.

FERDINAND	The extreme parts of time extremely forms
	All causes to the purpose of his speed,
	And often at his very loose decides
	That which long process could not arbitrate:
	And though the mourning brow of progeny
	Forbid the smiling courtesy of love
	The holy suit which fain it would convince,
	Yet, since love's argument was first on foot,
	Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it
	From what it purposed; since, to wail friends lost
	Is not by much so wholesome-profitable
	As to rejoice at friends but newly found.

PRINCESS	I understand you not: my griefs are double.

BIRON	Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief;
	And by these badges understand the king.
	For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
	Play'd foul play with our oaths: your beauty, ladies,
	Hath much deform'd us, fashioning our humours
	Even to the opposed end of our intents:
	And what in us hath seem'd ridiculous,--
	As love is full of unbefitting strains,
	All wanton as a child, skipping and vain,
	Form'd by the eye and therefore, like the eye,
	Full of strange shapes, of habits and of forms,
	Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll
	To every varied object in his glance:
	Which parti-coated presence of loose love
	Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes,
	Have misbecomed our oaths and gravities,
	Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults,
	Suggested us to make. Therefore, ladies,
	Our love being yours, the error that love makes
	Is likewise yours: we to ourselves prove false,
	By being once false for ever to be true
	To those that make us both,--fair ladies, you:
	And even that falsehood, in itself a sin,
	Thus purifies itself and turns to grace.

PRINCESS	We have received your letters full of love;
	Your favours, the ambassadors of love;
	And, in our maiden council, rated them
	At courtship, pleasant jest and courtesy,
	As bombast and as lining to the time:
	But more devout than this in our respects
	Have we not been; and therefore met your loves
	In their own fashion, like a merriment.

DUMAIN	Our letters, madam, show'd much more than jest.

LONGAVILLE	So did our looks.

ROSALINE	                  We did not quote them so.

FERDINAND	Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
	Grant us your loves.

PRINCESS	A time, methinks, too short
	To make a world-without-end bargain in.
	No, no, my lord, your grace is perjured much,
	Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this:
	If for my love, as there is no such cause,
	You will do aught, this shall you do for me:
	Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed
	To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
	Remote from all the pleasures of the world;
	There stay until the twelve celestial signs
	Have brought about the annual reckoning.
	If this austere insociable life
	Change not your offer made in heat of blood;
	If frosts and fasts, hard lodging and thin weeds
	Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
	But that it bear this trial and last love;
	Then, at the expiration of the year,
	Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts,
	And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine
	I will be thine; and till that instant shut
	My woeful self up in a mourning house,
	Raining the tears of lamentation
	For the remembrance of my father's death.
	If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
	Neither entitled in the other's heart.

FERDINAND	If this, or more than this, I would deny,
	To flatter up these powers of mine with rest,
	The sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
	Hence ever then my heart is in thy breast.

BIRON	[And what to me, my love? and what to me?

ROSALINE	You must be purged too, your sins are rack'd,
	You are attaint with faults and perjury:
	Therefore if you my favour mean to get,
	A twelvemonth shall you spend, and never rest,
	But seek the weary beds of people sick]

DUMAIN	But what to me, my love? but what to me? A wife?

KATHARINE	A beard, fair health, and honesty;
	With three-fold love I wish you all these three.

DUMAIN	O, shall I say, I thank you, gentle wife?

KATHARINE	Not so, my lord; a twelvemonth and a day
	I'll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say:
	Come when the king doth to my lady come;
	Then, if I have much love, I'll give you some.

DUMAIN	I'll serve thee true and faithfully till then.

KATHARINE	Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.

LONGAVILLE	What says Maria?

MARIA	                  At the twelvemonth's end
	I'll change my black gown for a faithful friend.

LONGAVILLE	I'll stay with patience; but the time is long.

MARIA	The liker you; few taller are so young.

BIRON	Studies my lady? mistress, look on me;
	Behold the window of my heart, mine eye,
	What humble suit attends thy answer there:
	Impose some service on me for thy love.

ROSALINE	Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Biron,
	Before I saw you; and the world's large tongue
	Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks,
	Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
	Which you on all estates will execute
	That lie within the mercy of your wit.
	To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain,
	And therewithal to win me, if you please,
	Without the which I am not to be won,
	You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day
	Visit the speechless sick and still converse
	With groaning wretches; and your task shall be,
	With all the fierce endeavor of your wit
	To enforce the pained impotent to smile.

BIRON	To move wild laughter in the throat of death?
	It cannot be; it is impossible:
	Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.

ROSALINE	Why, that's the way to choke a gibing spirit,
	Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
	Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools:
	A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
	Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
	Of him that makes it: then, if sickly ears,
	Deaf'd with the clamours of their own dear groans,
	Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
	And I will have you and that fault withal;
	But if they will not, throw away that spirit,
	And I shall find you empty of that fault,
	Right joyful of your reformation.

BIRON	A twelvemonth! well; befall what will befall,
	I'll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.

PRINCESS	[To FERDINAND]  Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave.

FERDINAND	No, madam; we will bring you on your way.

BIRON	Our wooing doth not end like an old play;
	Jack hath not Jill: these ladies' courtesy
	Might well have made our sport a comedy.

FERDINAND	Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day,
	And then 'twill end.

BIRON	That's too long for a play.

	[Re-enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO]

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet majesty, vouchsafe me,--

PRINCESS	Was not that Hector?

DUMAIN	The worthy knight of Troy.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am
	a votary; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the
	plough for her sweet love three years. But, most
	esteemed greatness, will you hear the dialogue that
	the two learned men have compiled in praise of the
	owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the
	end of our show.

FERDINAND	Call them forth quickly; we will do so.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	Holla! approach.

	[Re-enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, MOTH, COSTARD,
	and others]

	This side is Hiems, Winter, this Ver, the Spring;
	the one maintained by the owl, the other by the
	cuckoo. Ver, begin.

	[THE SONG]
	
	SPRING.
	When daisies pied and violets blue
	And lady-smocks all silver-white
	And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
	Do paint the meadows with delight,
	The cuckoo then, on every tree,
	Mocks married men; for thus sings he, 	Cuckoo;
	Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear,
	Unpleasing to a married ear!

	When shepherds pipe on oaten straws
	And merry larks are ploughmen's clocks,
	When turtles tread, and rooks, and daws,
	And maidens bleach their summer smocks
	The cuckoo then, on every tree,
	Mocks married men; for thus sings he, 	Cuckoo;
	Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear,
	Unpleasing to a married ear!
	
	WINTER.
	When icicles hang by the wall
	And Dick the shepherd blows his nail
	And Tom bears logs into the hall
	And milk comes frozen home in pail,
	When blood is nipp'd and ways be foul,
	Then nightly sings the staring owl, 	Tu-whit;
	Tu-who, a merry note,
	While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.

	When all aloud the wind doth blow
	And coughing drowns the parson's saw
	And birds sit brooding in the snow
	And Marian's nose looks red and raw,
	When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
	Then nightly sings the staring owl, 	Tu-whit;
	Tu-who, a merry note,
	While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.

DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO	The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of
	Apollo. You that way: we this way.

	[Exeunt]




		
	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


THESEUS	Duke of Athens.

EGEUS	father to Hermia.


LYSANDER	|
	|  in love with Hermia.
DEMETRIUS	|


PHILOSTRATE	master of the revels to Theseus.

QUINCE	a carpenter.

SNUG	a joiner.

BOTTOM	a weaver.

FLUTE	a bellows-mender.

SNOUT	a tinker.

STARVELING	a tailor.

HIPPOLYTA	queen of the Amazons, betrothed to Theseus.

HERMIA	daughter to Egeus, in love with Lysander.

HELENA	in love with Demetrius.

OBERON	king of the fairies.

TITANIA	queen of the fairies.

PUCK	or Robin Goodfellow.


PEASEBLOSSOM	|
	|
COBWEB	|
	|  fairies.
MOTH	|
	|
MUSTARDSEED	|


	Other fairies attending their King and Queen.

	Attendants on Theseus and Hippolyta.

SCENE	Athens, and a wood near it.




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT I



SCENE I	Athens. The palace of THESEUS.


	[Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, and
	Attendants]

THESEUS	Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour
	Draws on apace; four happy days bring in
	Another moon: but, O, methinks, how slow
	This old moon wanes! she lingers my desires,
	Like to a step-dame or a dowager
	Long withering out a young man revenue.

HIPPOLYTA	Four days will quickly steep themselves in night;
	Four nights will quickly dream away the time;
	And then the moon, like to a silver bow
	New-bent in heaven, shall behold the night
	Of our solemnities.

THESEUS	Go, Philostrate,
	Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments;
	Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth;
	Turn melancholy forth to funerals;
	The pale companion is not for our pomp.

	[Exit PHILOSTRATE]

	Hippolyta, I woo'd thee with my sword,
	And won thy love, doing thee injuries;
	But I will wed thee in another key,
	With pomp, with triumph and with revelling.

	[Enter EGEUS, HERMIA, LYSANDER, and DEMETRIUS]

EGEUS	Happy be Theseus, our renowned duke!

THESEUS	Thanks, good Egeus: what's the news with thee?

EGEUS	Full of vexation come I, with complaint
	Against my child, my daughter Hermia.
	Stand forth, Demetrius. My noble lord,
	This man hath my consent to marry her.
	Stand forth, Lysander: and my gracious duke,
	This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child;
	Thou, thou, Lysander, thou hast given her rhymes,
	And interchanged love-tokens with my child:
	Thou hast by moonlight at her window sung,
	With feigning voice verses of feigning love,
	And stolen the impression of her fantasy
	With bracelets of thy hair, rings, gawds, conceits,
	Knacks, trifles, nosegays, sweetmeats, messengers
	Of strong prevailment in unharden'd youth:
	With cunning hast thou filch'd my daughter's heart,
	Turn'd her obedience, which is due to me,
	To stubborn harshness: and, my gracious duke,
	Be it so she; will not here before your grace
	Consent to marry with Demetrius,
	I beg the ancient privilege of Athens,
	As she is mine, I may dispose of her:
	Which shall be either to this gentleman
	Or to her death, according to our law
	Immediately provided in that case.

THESEUS	What say you, Hermia? be advised fair maid:
	To you your father should be as a god;
	One that composed your beauties, yea, and one
	To whom you are but as a form in wax
	By him imprinted and within his power
	To leave the figure or disfigure it.
	Demetrius is a worthy gentleman.

HERMIA	So is Lysander.

THESEUS	                  In himself he is;
	But in this kind, wanting your father's voice,
	The other must be held the worthier.

HERMIA	I would my father look'd but with my eyes.

THESEUS	Rather your eyes must with his judgment look.

HERMIA	I do entreat your grace to pardon me.
	I know not by what power I am made bold,
	Nor how it may concern my modesty,
	In such a presence here to plead my thoughts;
	But I beseech your grace that I may know
	The worst that may befall me in this case,
	If I refuse to wed Demetrius.

THESEUS	Either to die the death or to abjure
	For ever the society of men.
	Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires;
	Know of your youth, examine well your blood,
	Whether, if you yield not to your father's choice,
	You can endure the livery of a nun,
	For aye to be in shady cloister mew'd,
	To live a barren sister all your life,
	Chanting faint hymns to the cold fruitless moon.
	Thrice-blessed they that master so their blood,
	To undergo such maiden pilgrimage;
	But earthlier happy is the rose distill'd,
	Than that which withering on the virgin thorn
	Grows, lives and dies in single blessedness.

HERMIA	So will I grow, so live, so die, my lord,
	Ere I will my virgin patent up
	Unto his lordship, whose unwished yoke
	My soul consents not to give sovereignty.

THESEUS	Take time to pause; and, by the nest new moon--
	The sealing-day betwixt my love and me,
	For everlasting bond of fellowship--
	Upon that day either prepare to die
	For disobedience to your father's will,
	Or else to wed Demetrius, as he would;
	Or on Diana's altar to protest
	For aye austerity and single life.

DEMETRIUS	Relent, sweet Hermia: and, Lysander, yield
	Thy crazed title to my certain right.

LYSANDER	You have her father's love, Demetrius;
	Let me have Hermia's: do you marry him.

EGEUS	Scornful Lysander! true, he hath my love,
	And what is mine my love shall render him.
	And she is mine, and all my right of her
	I do estate unto Demetrius.

LYSANDER	I am, my lord, as well derived as he,
	As well possess'd; my love is more than his;
	My fortunes every way as fairly rank'd,
	If not with vantage, as Demetrius';
	And, which is more than all these boasts can be,
	I am beloved of beauteous Hermia:
	Why should not I then prosecute my right?
	Demetrius, I'll avouch it to his head,
	Made love to Nedar's daughter, Helena,
	And won her soul; and she, sweet lady, dotes,
	Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry,
	Upon this spotted and inconstant man.

THESEUS	I must confess that I have heard so much,
	And with Demetrius thought to have spoke thereof;
	But, being over-full of self-affairs,
	My mind did lose it. But, Demetrius, come;
	And come, Egeus; you shall go with me,
	I have some private schooling for you both.
	For you, fair Hermia, look you arm yourself
	To fit your fancies to your father's will;
	Or else the law of Athens yields you up--
	Which by no means we may extenuate--
	To death, or to a vow of single life.
	Come, my Hippolyta: what cheer, my love?
	Demetrius and Egeus, go along:
	I must employ you in some business
	Against our nuptial and confer with you
	Of something nearly that concerns yourselves.

EGEUS	With duty and desire we follow you.

	[Exeunt all but LYSANDER and HERMIA]

LYSANDER	How now, my love! why is your cheek so pale?
	How chance the roses there do fade so fast?

HERMIA	Belike for want of rain, which I could well
	Beteem them from the tempest of my eyes.

LYSANDER	Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
	Could ever hear by tale or history,
	The course of true love never did run smooth;
	But, either it was different in blood,--

HERMIA	O cross! too high to be enthrall'd to low.

LYSANDER	Or else misgraffed in respect of years,--

HERMIA	O spite! too old to be engaged to young.

LYSANDER	Or else it stood upon the choice of friends,--

HERMIA	O hell! to choose love by another's eyes.

LYSANDER	Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,
	War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,
	Making it momentany as a sound,
	Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
	Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
	That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
	And ere a man hath power to say 'Behold!'
	The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
	So quick bright things come to confusion.

HERMIA	If then true lovers have been ever cross'd,
	It stands as an edict in destiny:
	Then let us teach our trial patience,
	Because it is a customary cross,
	As due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs,
	Wishes and tears, poor fancy's followers.

LYSANDER	A good persuasion: therefore, hear me, Hermia.
	I have a widow aunt, a dowager
	Of great revenue, and she hath no child:
	From Athens is her house remote seven leagues;
	And she respects me as her only son.
	There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee;
	And to that place the sharp Athenian law
	Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me then,
	Steal forth thy father's house to-morrow night;
	And in the wood, a league without the town,
	Where I did meet thee once with Helena,
	To do observance to a morn of May,
	There will I stay for thee.

HERMIA	My good Lysander!
	I swear to thee, by Cupid's strongest bow,
	By his best arrow with the golden head,
	By the simplicity of Venus' doves,
	By that which knitteth souls and prospers loves,
	And by that fire which burn'd the Carthage queen,
	When the false Troyan under sail was seen,
	By all the vows that ever men have broke,
	In number more than ever women spoke,
	In that same place thou hast appointed me,
	To-morrow truly will I meet with thee.

LYSANDER	Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Helena.

	[Enter HELENA]

HERMIA	God speed fair Helena! whither away?

HELENA	Call you me fair? that fair again unsay.
	Demetrius loves your fair: O happy fair!
	Your eyes are lode-stars; and your tongue's sweet air
	More tuneable than lark to shepherd's ear,
	When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear.
	Sickness is catching: O, were favour so,
	Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go;
	My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye,
	My tongue should catch your tongue's sweet melody.
	Were the world mine, Demetrius being bated,
	The rest I'd give to be to you translated.
	O, teach me how you look, and with what art
	You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart.

HERMIA	I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

HELENA	O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!

HERMIA	I give him curses, yet he gives me love.

HELENA	O that my prayers could such affection move!

HERMIA	The more I hate, the more he follows me.

HELENA	The more I love, the more he hateth me.

HERMIA	His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine.

HELENA	None, but your beauty: would that fault were mine!

HERMIA	Take comfort: he no more shall see my face;
	Lysander and myself will fly this place.
	Before the time I did Lysander see,
	Seem'd Athens as a paradise to me:
	O, then, what graces in my love do dwell,
	That he hath turn'd a heaven unto a hell!

LYSANDER	Helen, to you our minds we will unfold:
	To-morrow night, when Phoebe doth behold
	Her silver visage in the watery glass,
	Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass,
	A time that lovers' flights doth still conceal,
	Through Athens' gates have we devised to steal.

HERMIA	And in the wood, where often you and I
	Upon faint primrose-beds were wont to lie,
	Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet,
	There my Lysander and myself shall meet;
	And thence from Athens turn away our eyes,
	To seek new friends and stranger companies.
	Farewell, sweet playfellow: pray thou for us;
	And good luck grant thee thy Demetrius!
	Keep word, Lysander: we must starve our sight
	From lovers' food till morrow deep midnight.

LYSANDER	I will, my Hermia.

	[Exit HERMIA]

	Helena, adieu:
	As you on him, Demetrius dote on you!

	[Exit]

HELENA	How happy some o'er other some can be!
	Through Athens I am thought as fair as she.
	But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so;
	He will not know what all but he do know:
	And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes,
	So I, admiring of his qualities:
	Things base and vile, folding no quantity,
	Love can transpose to form and dignity:
	Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
	And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind:
	Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste;
	Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste:
	And therefore is Love said to be a child,
	Because in choice he is so oft beguiled.
	As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,
	So the boy Love is perjured every where:
	For ere Demetrius look'd on Hermia's eyne,
	He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine;
	And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt,
	So he dissolved, and showers of oaths did melt.
	I will go tell him of fair Hermia's flight:
	Then to the wood will he to-morrow night
	Pursue her; and for this intelligence
	If I have thanks, it is a dear expense:
	But herein mean I to enrich my pain,
	To have his sight thither and back again.

	[Exit]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT I



SCENE II	Athens. QUINCE'S house.


	[Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, and
	STARVELING]

QUINCE	Is all our company here?

BOTTOM	You were best to call them generally, man by man,
	according to the scrip.

QUINCE	Here is the scroll of every man's name, which is
	thought fit, through all Athens, to play in our
	interlude before the duke and the duchess, on his
	wedding-day at night.

BOTTOM	First, good Peter Quince, say what the play treats
	on, then read the names of the actors, and so grow
	to a point.

QUINCE	Marry, our play is, The most lamentable comedy, and
	most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisby.

BOTTOM	A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a
	merry. Now, good Peter Quince, call forth your
	actors by the scroll. Masters, spread yourselves.

QUINCE	Answer as I call you. Nick Bottom, the weaver.

BOTTOM	Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed.

QUINCE	You, Nick Bottom, are set down for Pyramus.

BOTTOM	What is Pyramus? a lover, or a tyrant?

QUINCE	A lover, that kills himself most gallant for love.

BOTTOM	That will ask some tears in the true performing of
	it: if I do it, let the audience look to their
	eyes; I will move storms, I will condole in some
	measure. To the rest: yet my chief humour is for a
	tyrant: I could play Ercles rarely, or a part to
	tear a cat in, to make all split.
	The raging rocks
	And shivering shocks
	Shall break the locks
	Of prison gates;
	And Phibbus' car
	Shall shine from far
	And make and mar
	The foolish Fates.
	This was lofty! Now name the rest of the players.
	This is Ercles' vein, a tyrant's vein; a lover is
	more condoling.

QUINCE	Francis Flute, the bellows-mender.

FLUTE	Here, Peter Quince.

QUINCE	Flute, you must take Thisby on you.

FLUTE	What is Thisby? a wandering knight?

QUINCE	It is the lady that Pyramus must love.

FLUTE	Nay, faith, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming.

QUINCE	That's all one: you shall play it in a mask, and
	you may speak as small as you will.

BOTTOM	An I may hide my face, let me play Thisby too, I'll
	speak in a monstrous little voice. 'Thisne,
	Thisne;' 'Ah, Pyramus, lover dear! thy Thisby dear,
	and lady dear!'

QUINCE	No, no; you must play Pyramus: and, Flute, you Thisby.

BOTTOM	Well, proceed.

QUINCE	Robin Starveling, the tailor.

STARVELING	Here, Peter Quince.

QUINCE	Robin Starveling, you must play Thisby's mother.
	Tom Snout, the tinker.

SNOUT	Here, Peter Quince.

QUINCE	You, Pyramus' father: myself, Thisby's father:
	Snug, the joiner; you, the lion's part: and, I
	hope, here is a play fitted.

SNUG	Have you the lion's part written? pray you, if it
	be, give it me, for I am slow of study.

QUINCE	You may do it extempore, for it is nothing but roaring.

BOTTOM	Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will
	do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar,
	that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again,
	let him roar again.'

QUINCE	An you should do it too terribly, you would fright
	the duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek;
	and that were enough to hang us all.

ALL	That would hang us, every mother's son.

BOTTOM	I grant you, friends, if that you should fright the
	ladies out of their wits, they would have no more
	discretion but to hang us: but I will aggravate my
	voice so that I will roar you as gently as any
	sucking dove; I will roar you an 'twere any
	nightingale.

QUINCE	You can play no part but Pyramus; for Pyramus is a
	sweet-faced man; a proper man, as one shall see in a
	summer's day; a most lovely gentleman-like man:
	therefore you must needs play Pyramus.

BOTTOM	Well, I will undertake it. What beard were I best
	to play it in?

QUINCE	Why, what you will.

BOTTOM	I will discharge it in either your straw-colour
	beard, your orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain
	beard, or your French-crown-colour beard, your
	perfect yellow.

QUINCE	Some of your French crowns have no hair at all, and
	then you will play bare-faced. But, masters, here
	are your parts: and I am to entreat you, request
	you and desire you, to con them by to-morrow night;
	and meet me in the palace wood, a mile without the
	town, by moonlight; there will we rehearse, for if
	we meet in the city, we shall be dogged with
	company, and our devices known. In the meantime I
	will draw a bill of properties, such as our play
	wants. I pray you, fail me not.

BOTTOM	We will meet; and there we may rehearse most
	obscenely and courageously. Take pains; be perfect: adieu.

QUINCE	At the duke's oak we meet.

BOTTOM	Enough; hold or cut bow-strings.

	[Exeunt]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT II



SCENE I	A wood near Athens.


	[Enter, from opposite sides, a Fairy, and PUCK]

PUCK	How now, spirit! whither wander you?

Fairy	     Over hill, over dale,
	Thorough bush, thorough brier,
	Over park, over pale,
	Thorough flood, thorough fire,
	I do wander everywhere,
	Swifter than the moon's sphere;
	And I serve the fairy queen,
	To dew her orbs upon the green.
	The cowslips tall her pensioners be:
	In their gold coats spots you see;
	Those be rubies, fairy favours,
	In those freckles live their savours:
	I must go seek some dewdrops here
	And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear.
	Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I'll be gone:
	Our queen and all our elves come here anon.

PUCK	The king doth keep his revels here to-night:
	Take heed the queen come not within his sight;
	For Oberon is passing fell and wrath,
	Because that she as her attendant hath
	A lovely boy, stolen from an Indian king;
	She never had so sweet a changeling;
	And jealous Oberon would have the child
	Knight of his train, to trace the forests wild;
	But she perforce withholds the loved boy,
	Crowns him with flowers and makes him all her joy:
	And now they never meet in grove or green,
	By fountain clear, or spangled starlight sheen,
	But, they do square, that all their elves for fear
	Creep into acorn-cups and hide them there.

Fairy	Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
	Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
	Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are not you he
	That frights the maidens of the villagery;
	Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern
	And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;
	And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;
	Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?
	Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,
	You do their work, and they shall have good luck:
	Are not you he?

PUCK	                  Thou speak'st aright;
	I am that merry wanderer of the night.
	I jest to Oberon and make him smile
	When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,
	Neighing in likeness of a filly foal:
	And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl,
	In very likeness of a roasted crab,
	And when she drinks, against her lips I bob
	And on her wither'd dewlap pour the ale.
	The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale,
	Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me;
	Then slip I from her bum, down topples she,
	And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough;
	And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh,
	And waxen in their mirth and neeze and swear
	A merrier hour was never wasted there.
	But, room, fairy! here comes Oberon.

Fairy	And here my mistress. Would that he were gone!

	[Enter, from one side, OBERON, with his train;
	from the other, TITANIA, with hers]

OBERON	Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.

TITANIA	What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence:
	I have forsworn his bed and company.

OBERON	Tarry, rash wanton: am not I thy lord?

TITANIA	Then I must be thy lady: but I know
	When thou hast stolen away from fairy land,
	And in the shape of Corin sat all day,
	Playing on pipes of corn and versing love
	To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here,
	Come from the farthest Steppe of India?
	But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon,
	Your buskin'd mistress and your warrior love,
	To Theseus must be wedded, and you come
	To give their bed joy and prosperity.

OBERON	How canst thou thus for shame, Titania,
	Glance at my credit with Hippolyta,
	Knowing I know thy love to Theseus?
	Didst thou not lead him through the glimmering night
	From Perigenia, whom he ravished?
	And make him with fair AEgle break his faith,
	With Ariadne and Antiopa?

TITANIA	These are the forgeries of jealousy:
	And never, since the middle summer's spring,
	Met we on hill, in dale, forest or mead,
	By paved fountain or by rushy brook,
	Or in the beached margent of the sea,
	To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind,
	But with thy brawls thou hast disturb'd our sport.
	Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,
	As in revenge, have suck'd up from the sea
	Contagious fogs; which falling in the land
	Have every pelting river made so proud
	That they have overborne their continents:
	The ox hath therefore stretch'd his yoke in vain,
	The ploughman lost his sweat, and the green corn
	Hath rotted ere his youth attain'd a beard;
	The fold stands empty in the drowned field,
	And crows are fatted with the murrion flock;
	The nine men's morris is fill'd up with mud,
	And the quaint mazes in the wanton green
	For lack of tread are undistinguishable:
	The human mortals want their winter here;
	No night is now with hymn or carol blest:
	Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,
	Pale in her anger, washes all the air,
	That rheumatic diseases do abound:
	And thorough this distemperature we see
	The seasons alter: hoary-headed frosts
	Far in the fresh lap of the crimson rose,
	And on old Hiems' thin and icy crown
	An odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds
	Is, as in mockery, set: the spring, the summer,
	The childing autumn, angry winter, change
	Their wonted liveries, and the mazed world,
	By their increase, now knows not which is which:
	And this same progeny of evils comes
	From our debate, from our dissension;
	We are their parents and original.

OBERON	Do you amend it then; it lies in you:
	Why should Titania cross her Oberon?
	I do but beg a little changeling boy,
	To be my henchman.

TITANIA	                  Set your heart at rest:
	The fairy land buys not the child of me.
	His mother was a votaress of my order:
	And, in the spiced Indian air, by night,
	Full often hath she gossip'd by my side,
	And sat with me on Neptune's yellow sands,
	Marking the embarked traders on the flood,
	When we have laugh'd to see the sails conceive
	And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind;
	Which she, with pretty and with swimming gait
	Following,--her womb then rich with my young squire,--
	Would imitate, and sail upon the land,
	To fetch me trifles, and return again,
	As from a voyage, rich with merchandise.
	But she, being mortal, of that boy did die;
	And for her sake do I rear up her boy,
	And for her sake I will not part with him.

OBERON	How long within this wood intend you stay?

TITANIA	Perchance till after Theseus' wedding-day.
	If you will patiently dance in our round
	And see our moonlight revels, go with us;
	If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts.

OBERON	Give me that boy, and I will go with thee.

TITANIA	Not for thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away!
	We shall chide downright, if I longer stay.

	[Exit TITANIA with her train]

OBERON	Well, go thy way: thou shalt not from this grove
	Till I torment thee for this injury.
	My gentle Puck, come hither. Thou rememberest
	Since once I sat upon a promontory,
	And heard a mermaid on a dolphin's back
	Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath
	That the rude sea grew civil at her song
	And certain stars shot madly from their spheres,
	To hear the sea-maid's music.

PUCK	I remember.

OBERON	That very time I saw, but thou couldst not,
	Flying between the cold moon and the earth,
	Cupid all arm'd: a certain aim he took
	At a fair vestal throned by the west,
	And loosed his love-shaft smartly from his bow,
	As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts;
	But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft
	Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon,
	And the imperial votaress passed on,
	In maiden meditation, fancy-free.
	Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:
	It fell upon a little western flower,
	Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,
	And maidens call it love-in-idleness.
	Fetch me that flower; the herb I shew'd thee once:
	The juice of it on sleeping eye-lids laid
	Will make or man or woman madly dote
	Upon the next live creature that it sees.
	Fetch me this herb; and be thou here again
	Ere the leviathan can swim a league.

PUCK	I'll put a girdle round about the earth
	In forty minutes.

	[Exit]

OBERON	                  Having once this juice,
	I'll watch Titania when she is asleep,
	And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.
	The next thing then she waking looks upon,
	Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull,
	On meddling monkey, or on busy ape,
	She shall pursue it with the soul of love:
	And ere I take this charm from off her sight,
	As I can take it with another herb,
	I'll make her render up her page to me.
	But who comes here? I am invisible;
	And I will overhear their conference.

	[Enter DEMETRIUS, HELENA, following him]

DEMETRIUS	I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.
	Where is Lysander and fair Hermia?
	The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me.
	Thou told'st me they were stolen unto this wood;
	And here am I, and wode within this wood,
	Because I cannot meet my Hermia.
	Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more.

HELENA	You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant;
	But yet you draw not iron, for my heart
	Is true as steel: leave you your power to draw,
	And I shall have no power to follow you.

DEMETRIUS	Do I entice you? do I speak you fair?
	Or, rather, do I not in plainest truth
	Tell you, I do not, nor I cannot love you?

HELENA	And even for that do I love you the more.
	I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius,
	The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:
	Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me,
	Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,
	Unworthy as I am, to follow you.
	What worser place can I beg in your love,--
	And yet a place of high respect with me,--
	Than to be used as you use your dog?

DEMETRIUS	Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit;
	For I am sick when I do look on thee.

HELENA	And I am sick when I look not on you.

DEMETRIUS	You do impeach your modesty too much,
	To leave the city and commit yourself
	Into the hands of one that loves you not;
	To trust the opportunity of night
	And the ill counsel of a desert place
	With the rich worth of your virginity.

HELENA	Your virtue is my privilege: for that
	It is not night when I do see your face,
	Therefore I think I am not in the night;
	Nor doth this wood lack worlds of company,
	For you in my respect are all the world:
	Then how can it be said I am alone,
	When all the world is here to look on me?

DEMETRIUS	I'll run from thee and hide me in the brakes,
	And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts.

HELENA	The wildest hath not such a heart as you.
	Run when you will, the story shall be changed:
	Apollo flies, and Daphne holds the chase;
	The dove pursues the griffin; the mild hind
	Makes speed to catch the tiger; bootless speed,
	When cowardice pursues and valour flies.

DEMETRIUS	I will not stay thy questions; let me go:
	Or, if thou follow me, do not believe
	But I shall do thee mischief in the wood.

HELENA	Ay, in the temple, in the town, the field,
	You do me mischief. Fie, Demetrius!
	Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex:
	We cannot fight for love, as men may do;
	We should be wood and were not made to woo.

	[Exit DEMETRIUS]

	I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell,
	To die upon the hand I love so well.

	[Exit]

OBERON	Fare thee well, nymph: ere he do leave this grove,
	Thou shalt fly him and he shall seek thy love.

	[Re-enter PUCK]

	Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer.

PUCK	Ay, there it is.

OBERON	I pray thee, give it me.
	I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
	Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
	Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
	With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine:
	There sleeps Titania sometime of the night,
	Lull'd in these flowers with dances and delight;
	And there the snake throws her enamell'd skin,
	Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in:
	And with the juice of this I'll streak her eyes,
	And make her full of hateful fantasies.
	Take thou some of it, and seek through this grove:
	A sweet Athenian lady is in love
	With a disdainful youth: anoint his eyes;
	But do it when the next thing he espies
	May be the lady: thou shalt know the man
	By the Athenian garments he hath on.
	Effect it with some care, that he may prove
	More fond on her than she upon her love:
	And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow.

PUCK	Fear not, my lord, your servant shall do so.

	[Exeunt]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT II



SCENE II	Another part of the wood.


	[Enter TITANIA, with her train]

TITANIA	Come, now a roundel and a fairy song;
	Then, for the third part of a minute, hence;
	Some to kill cankers in the musk-rose buds,
	Some war with rere-mice for their leathern wings,
	To make my small elves coats, and some keep back
	The clamorous owl that nightly hoots and wonders
	At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep;
	Then to your offices and let me rest.

	[The Fairies sing]

	You spotted snakes with double tongue,
	Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;
	Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong,
	Come not near our fairy queen.
	Philomel, with melody
	Sing in our sweet lullaby;
	Lulla, lulla, lullaby, lulla, lulla, lullaby:
	Never harm,
	Nor spell nor charm,
	Come our lovely lady nigh;
	So, good night, with lullaby.
	Weaving spiders, come not here;
	Hence, you long-legg'd spinners, hence!
	Beetles black, approach not near;
	Worm nor snail, do no offence.
	Philomel, with melody, &c.

Fairy	Hence, away! now all is well:
	One aloof stand sentinel.

	[Exeunt Fairies. TITANIA sleeps]

	[Enter OBERON and squeezes the flower on TITANIA's eyelids]

OBERON	What thou seest when thou dost wake,
	Do it for thy true-love take,
	Love and languish for his sake:
	Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,
	Pard, or boar with bristled hair,
	In thy eye that shall appear
	When thou wakest, it is thy dear:
	Wake when some vile thing is near.

	[Exit]

	[Enter LYSANDER and HERMIA]

LYSANDER	Fair love, you faint with wandering in the wood;
	And to speak troth, I have forgot our way:
	We'll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good,
	And tarry for the comfort of the day.

HERMIA	Be it so, Lysander: find you out a bed;
	For I upon this bank will rest my head.

LYSANDER	One turf shall serve as pillow for us both;
	One heart, one bed, two bosoms and one troth.

HERMIA	Nay, good Lysander; for my sake, my dear,
	Lie further off yet, do not lie so near.

LYSANDER	O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence!
	Love takes the meaning in love's conference.
	I mean, that my heart unto yours is knit
	So that but one heart we can make of it;
	Two bosoms interchained with an oath;
	So then two bosoms and a single troth.
	Then by your side no bed-room me deny;
	For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie.

HERMIA	Lysander riddles very prettily:
	Now much beshrew my manners and my pride,
	If Hermia meant to say Lysander lied.
	But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy
	Lie further off; in human modesty,
	Such separation as may well be said
	Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid,
	So far be distant; and, good night, sweet friend:
	Thy love ne'er alter till thy sweet life end!

LYSANDER	Amen, amen, to that fair prayer, say I;
	And then end life when I end loyalty!
	Here is my bed: sleep give thee all his rest!

HERMIA	With half that wish the wisher's eyes be press'd!

	[They sleep]

	[Enter PUCK]

PUCK	Through the forest have I gone.
	But Athenian found I none,
	On whose eyes I might approve
	This flower's force in stirring love.
	Night and silence.--Who is here?
	Weeds of Athens he doth wear:
	This is he, my master said,
	Despised the Athenian maid;
	And here the maiden, sleeping sound,
	On the dank and dirty ground.
	Pretty soul! she durst not lie
	Near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy.
	Churl, upon thy eyes I throw
	All the power this charm doth owe.
	When thou wakest, let love forbid
	Sleep his seat on thy eyelid:
	So awake when I am gone;
	For I must now to Oberon.

	[Exit]

	[Enter DEMETRIUS and HELENA, running]

HELENA	Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius.

DEMETRIUS	I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus.

HELENA	O, wilt thou darkling leave me? do not so.

DEMETRIUS	Stay, on thy peril: I alone will go.

	[Exit]

HELENA	O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!
	The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.
	Happy is Hermia, wheresoe'er she lies;
	For she hath blessed and attractive eyes.
	How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears:
	If so, my eyes are oftener wash'd than hers.
	No, no, I am as ugly as a bear;
	For beasts that meet me run away for fear:
	Therefore no marvel though Demetrius
	Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.
	What wicked and dissembling glass of mine
	Made me compare with Hermia's sphery eyne?
	But who is here? Lysander! on the ground!
	Dead? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.
	Lysander if you live, good sir, awake.

LYSANDER	[Awaking]  And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake.
	Transparent Helena! Nature shows art,
	That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart.
	Where is Demetrius? O, how fit a word
	Is that vile name to perish on my sword!

HELENA	Do not say so, Lysander; say not so
	What though he love your Hermia? Lord, what though?
	Yet Hermia still loves you: then be content.

LYSANDER	Content with Hermia! No; I do repent
	The tedious minutes I with her have spent.
	Not Hermia but Helena I love:
	Who will not change a raven for a dove?
	The will of man is by his reason sway'd;
	And reason says you are the worthier maid.
	Things growing are not ripe until their season
	So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason;
	And touching now the point of human skill,
	Reason becomes the marshal to my will
	And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook
	Love's stories written in love's richest book.

HELENA	Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?
	When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?
	Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man,
	That I did never, no, nor never can,
	Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye,
	But you must flout my insufficiency?
	Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,
	In such disdainful manner me to woo.
	But fare you well: perforce I must confess
	I thought you lord of more true gentleness.
	O, that a lady, of one man refused.
	Should of another therefore be abused!

	[Exit]

LYSANDER	She sees not Hermia. Hermia, sleep thou there:
	And never mayst thou come Lysander near!
	For as a surfeit of the sweetest things
	The deepest loathing to the stomach brings,
	Or as tie heresies that men do leave
	Are hated most of those they did deceive,
	So thou, my surfeit and my heresy,
	Of all be hated, but the most of me!
	And, all my powers, address your love and might
	To honour Helen and to be her knight!

	[Exit]

HERMIA	[Awaking]  Help me, Lysander, help me! do thy best
	To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!
	Ay me, for pity! what a dream was here!
	Lysander, look how I do quake with fear:
	Methought a serpent eat my heart away,
	And you sat smiling at his cruel pray.
	Lysander! what, removed? Lysander! lord!
	What, out of hearing? gone? no sound, no word?
	Alack, where are you speak, an if you hear;
	Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear.
	No? then I well perceive you all not nigh
	Either death or you I'll find immediately.

	[Exit]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT III



SCENE I	The wood. TITANIA lying asleep.


	[Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, and
	STARVELING]

BOTTOM	Are we all met?

QUINCE	Pat, pat; and here's a marvellous convenient place
	for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our
	stage, this hawthorn-brake our tiring-house; and we
	will do it in action as we will do it before the duke.

BOTTOM	Peter Quince,--

QUINCE	What sayest thou, bully Bottom?

BOTTOM	There are things in this comedy of Pyramus and
	Thisby that will never please. First, Pyramus must
	draw a sword to kill himself; which the ladies
	cannot abide. How answer you that?

SNOUT	By'r lakin, a parlous fear.

STARVELING	I believe we must leave the killing out, when all is done.

BOTTOM	Not a whit: I have a device to make all well.
	Write me a prologue; and let the prologue seem to
	say, we will do no harm with our swords, and that
	Pyramus is not killed indeed; and, for the more
	better assurance, tell them that I, Pyramus, am not
	Pyramus, but Bottom the weaver: this will put them
	out of fear.

QUINCE	Well, we will have such a prologue; and it shall be
	written in eight and six.

BOTTOM	No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and eight.

SNOUT	Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?

STARVELING	I fear it, I promise you.

BOTTOM	Masters, you ought to consider with yourselves: to
	bring in--God shield us!--a lion among ladies, is a
	most dreadful thing; for there is not a more fearful
	wild-fowl than your lion living; and we ought to
	look to 't.

SNOUT	Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion.

BOTTOM	Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must
	be seen through the lion's neck: and he himself
	must speak through, saying thus, or to the same
	defect,--'Ladies,'--or 'Fair-ladies--I would wish
	You,'--or 'I would request you,'--or 'I would
	entreat you,--not to fear, not to tremble: my life
	for yours. If you think I come hither as a lion, it
	were pity of my life: no I am no such thing; I am a
	man as other men are;' and there indeed let him name
	his name, and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner.

QUINCE	Well it shall be so. But there is two hard things;
	that is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber; for,
	you know, Pyramus and Thisby meet by moonlight.

SNOUT	Doth the moon shine that night we play our play?

BOTTOM	A calendar, a calendar! look in the almanac; find
	out moonshine, find out moonshine.

QUINCE	Yes, it doth shine that night.

BOTTOM	Why, then may you leave a casement of the great
	chamber window, where we play, open, and the moon
	may shine in at the casement.

QUINCE	Ay; or else one must come in with a bush of thorns
	and a lanthorn, and say he comes to disfigure, or to
	present, the person of Moonshine. Then, there is
	another thing: we must have a wall in the great
	chamber; for Pyramus and Thisby says the story, did
	talk through the chink of a wall.

SNOUT	You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom?

BOTTOM	Some man or other must present Wall: and let him
	have some plaster, or some loam, or some rough-cast
	about him, to signify wall; and let him hold his
	fingers thus, and through that cranny shall Pyramus
	and Thisby whisper.

QUINCE	If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down,
	every mother's son, and rehearse your parts.
	Pyramus, you begin: when you have spoken your
	speech, enter into that brake: and so every one
	according to his cue.

	[Enter PUCK behind]

PUCK	What hempen home-spuns have we swaggering here,
	So near the cradle of the fairy queen?
	What, a play toward! I'll be an auditor;
	An actor too, perhaps, if I see cause.

QUINCE	Speak, Pyramus. Thisby, stand forth.

BOTTOM	Thisby, the flowers of odious savours sweet,--

QUINCE	Odours, odours.

BOTTOM	--odours savours sweet:
	So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear.
	But hark, a voice! stay thou but here awhile,
	And by and by I will to thee appear.

	[Exit]

PUCK	A stranger Pyramus than e'er played here.

	[Exit]

FLUTE	Must I speak now?

QUINCE	Ay, marry, must you; for you must understand he goes
	but to see a noise that he heard, and is to come again.

FLUTE	Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue,
	Of colour like the red rose on triumphant brier,
	Most brisky juvenal and eke most lovely Jew,
	As true as truest horse that yet would never tire,
	I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb.

QUINCE	'Ninus' tomb,' man: why, you must not speak that
	yet; that you answer to Pyramus: you speak all your
	part at once, cues and all Pyramus enter: your cue
	is past; it is, 'never tire.'

FLUTE	O,--As true as truest horse, that yet would
	never tire.

	[Re-enter PUCK, and BOTTOM with an ass's head]

BOTTOM	If I were fair, Thisby, I were only thine.

QUINCE	O monstrous! O strange! we are haunted. Pray,
	masters! fly, masters! Help!

	[Exeunt QUINCE, SNUG, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING]

PUCK	I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round,
	Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:
	Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,
	A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;
	And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
	Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.

	[Exit]

BOTTOM	Why do they run away? this is a knavery of them to
	make me afeard.

	[Re-enter SNOUT]

SNOUT	O Bottom, thou art changed! what do I see on thee?

BOTTOM	What do you see? you see an asshead of your own, do
	you?

	[Exit SNOUT]

	[Re-enter QUINCE]

QUINCE	Bless thee, Bottom! bless thee! thou art
	translated.

	[Exit]

BOTTOM	I see their knavery: this is to make an ass of me;
	to fright me, if they could. But I will not stir
	from this place, do what they can: I will walk up
	and down here, and I will sing, that they shall hear
	I am not afraid.

	[Sings]

	The ousel cock so black of hue,
	With orange-tawny bill,
	The throstle with his note so true,
	The wren with little quill,--

TITANIA	[Awaking]  What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

BOTTOM	[Sings]

	The finch, the sparrow and the lark,
	The plain-song cuckoo gray,
	Whose note full many a man doth mark,
	And dares not answer nay;--
	for, indeed, who would set his wit to so foolish
	a bird? who would give a bird the lie, though he cry
	'cuckoo' never so?

TITANIA	I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again:
	Mine ear is much enamour'd of thy note;
	So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape;
	And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me
	On the first view to say, to swear, I love thee.

BOTTOM	Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason
	for that: and yet, to say the truth, reason and
	love keep little company together now-a-days; the
	more the pity that some honest neighbours will not
	make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon occasion.

TITANIA	Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

BOTTOM	Not so, neither: but if I had wit enough to get out
	of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.

TITANIA	Out of this wood do not desire to go:
	Thou shalt remain here, whether thou wilt or no.
	I am a spirit of no common rate;
	The summer still doth tend upon my state;
	And I do love thee: therefore, go with me;
	I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee,
	And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,
	And sing while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep;
	And I will purge thy mortal grossness so
	That thou shalt like an airy spirit go.
	Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed!

	[Enter PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and MUSTARDSEED]

PEASEBLOSSOM	Ready.

COBWEB	     And I.

MOTH	          And I.

MUSTARDSEED	                  And I.

ALL	Where shall we go?

TITANIA	Be kind and courteous to this gentleman;
	Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes;
	Feed him with apricocks and dewberries,
	With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries;
	The honey-bags steal from the humble-bees,
	And for night-tapers crop their waxen thighs
	And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes,
	To have my love to bed and to arise;
	And pluck the wings from Painted butterflies
	To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes:
	Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.

PEASEBLOSSOM	Hail, mortal!

COBWEB	Hail!

MOTH	Hail!

MUSTARDSEED	Hail!

BOTTOM	I cry your worship's mercy, heartily: I beseech your
	worship's name.

COBWEB	Cobweb.

BOTTOM	I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master
	Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I shall make bold with
	you. Your name, honest gentleman?

PEASEBLOSSOM	Peaseblossom.

BOTTOM	I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your
	mother, and to Master Peascod, your father. Good
	Master Peaseblossom, I shall desire you of more
	acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech you, sir?

MUSTARDSEED	Mustardseed.

BOTTOM	Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well:
	that same cowardly, giant-like ox-beef hath
	devoured many a gentleman of your house: I promise
	you your kindred had made my eyes water ere now. I
	desire your more acquaintance, good Master
	Mustardseed.

TITANIA	Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bower.
	The moon methinks looks with a watery eye;
	And when she weeps, weeps every little flower,
	Lamenting some enforced chastity.
	Tie up my love's tongue bring him silently.

	[Exeunt]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT III



SCENE II	Another part of the wood.


	[Enter OBERON]

OBERON	I wonder if Titania be awaked;
	Then, what it was that next came in her eye,
	Which she must dote on in extremity.

	[Enter PUCK]

	Here comes my messenger.
		   How now, mad spirit!
	What night-rule now about this haunted grove?

PUCK	My mistress with a monster is in love.
	Near to her close and consecrated bower,
	While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,
	A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,
	That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,
	Were met together to rehearse a play
	Intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.
	The shallowest thick-skin of that barren sort,
	Who Pyramus presented, in their sport
	Forsook his scene and enter'd in a brake
	When I did him at this advantage take,
	An ass's nole I fixed on his head:
	Anon his Thisbe must be answered,
	And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy,
	As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye,
	Or russet-pated choughs, many in sort,
	Rising and cawing at the gun's report,
	Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky,
	So, at his sight, away his fellows fly;
	And, at our stamp, here o'er and o'er one falls;
	He murder cries and help from Athens calls.
	Their sense thus weak, lost with their fears
	thus strong,
	Made senseless things begin to do them wrong;
	For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch;
	Some sleeves, some hats, from yielders all
	things catch.
	I led them on in this distracted fear,
	And left sweet Pyramus translated there:
	When in that moment, so it came to pass,
	Titania waked and straightway loved an ass.

OBERON	This falls out better than I could devise.
	But hast thou yet latch'd the Athenian's eyes
	With the love-juice, as I did bid thee do?

PUCK	I took him sleeping,--that is finish'd too,--
	And the Athenian woman by his side:
	That, when he waked, of force she must be eyed.

	[Enter HERMIA and DEMETRIUS]

OBERON	Stand close: this is the same Athenian.

PUCK	This is the woman, but not this the man.

DEMETRIUS	O, why rebuke you him that loves you so?
	Lay breath so bitter on your bitter foe.

HERMIA	Now I but chide; but I should use thee worse,
	For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse,
	If thou hast slain Lysander in his sleep,
	Being o'er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep,
	And kill me too.
	The sun was not so true unto the day
	As he to me: would he have stolen away
	From sleeping Hermia? I'll believe as soon
	This whole earth may be bored and that the moon
	May through the centre creep and so displease
	Her brother's noontide with Antipodes.
	It cannot be but thou hast murder'd him;
	So should a murderer look, so dead, so grim.

DEMETRIUS	So should the murder'd look, and so should I,
	Pierced through the heart with your stern cruelty:
	Yet you, the murderer, look as bright, as clear,
	As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.

HERMIA	What's this to my Lysander? where is he?
	Ah, good Demetrius, wilt thou give him me?

DEMETRIUS	I had rather give his carcass to my hounds.

HERMIA	Out, dog! out, cur! thou drivest me past the bounds
	Of maiden's patience. Hast thou slain him, then?
	Henceforth be never number'd among men!
	O, once tell true, tell true, even for my sake!
	Durst thou have look'd upon him being awake,
	And hast thou kill'd him sleeping? O brave touch!
	Could not a worm, an adder, do so much?
	An adder did it; for with doubler tongue
	Than thine, thou serpent, never adder stung.

DEMETRIUS	You spend your passion on a misprised mood:
	I am not guilty of Lysander's blood;
	Nor is he dead, for aught that I can tell.

HERMIA	I pray thee, tell me then that he is well.

DEMETRIUS	An if I could, what should I get therefore?

HERMIA	A privilege never to see me more.
	And from thy hated presence part I so:
	See me no more, whether he be dead or no.

	[Exit]

DEMETRIUS	There is no following her in this fierce vein:
	Here therefore for a while I will remain.
	So sorrow's heaviness doth heavier grow
	For debt that bankrupt sleep doth sorrow owe:
	Which now in some slight measure it will pay,
	If for his tender here I make some stay.

	[Lies down and sleeps]

OBERON	What hast thou done? thou hast mistaken quite
	And laid the love-juice on some true-love's sight:
	Of thy misprision must perforce ensue
	Some true love turn'd and not a false turn'd true.

PUCK	Then fate o'er-rules, that, one man holding troth,
	A million fail, confounding oath on oath.

OBERON	About the wood go swifter than the wind,
	And Helena of Athens look thou find:
	All fancy-sick she is and pale of cheer,
	With sighs of love, that costs the fresh blood dear:
	By some illusion see thou bring her here:
	I'll charm his eyes against she do appear.

PUCK	I go, I go; look how I go,
	Swifter than arrow from the Tartar's bow.

	[Exit]

OBERON	   Flower of this purple dye,
	Hit with Cupid's archery,
	Sink in apple of his eye.
	When his love he doth espy,
	Let her shine as gloriously
	As the Venus of the sky.
	When thou wakest, if she be by,
	Beg of her for remedy.

	[Re-enter PUCK]

PUCK	   Captain of our fairy band,
	Helena is here at hand;
	And the youth, mistook by me,
	Pleading for a lover's fee.
	Shall we their fond pageant see?
	Lord, what fools these mortals be!

OBERON	Stand aside: the noise they make
	Will cause Demetrius to awake.

PUCK	Then will two at once woo one;
	That must needs be sport alone;
	And those things do best please me
	That befal preposterously.

	[Enter LYSANDER and HELENA]

LYSANDER	Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?
	Scorn and derision never come in tears:
	Look, when I vow, I weep; and vows so born,
	In their nativity all truth appears.
	How can these things in me seem scorn to you,
	Bearing the badge of faith, to prove them true?

HELENA	You do advance your cunning more and more.
	When truth kills truth, O devilish-holy fray!
	These vows are Hermia's: will you give her o'er?
	Weigh oath with oath, and you will nothing weigh:
	Your vows to her and me, put in two scales,
	Will even weigh, and both as light as tales.

LYSANDER	I had no judgment when to her I swore.

HELENA	Nor none, in my mind, now you give her o'er.

LYSANDER	Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you.

DEMETRIUS	[Awaking]  O Helena, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!
	To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?
	Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show
	Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!
	That pure congealed white, high Taurus snow,
	Fann'd with the eastern wind, turns to a crow
	When thou hold'st up thy hand: O, let me kiss
	This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss!

HELENA	O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent
	To set against me for your merriment:
	If you we re civil and knew courtesy,
	You would not do me thus much injury.
	Can you not hate me, as I know you do,
	But you must join in souls to mock me too?
	If you were men, as men you are in show,
	You would not use a gentle lady so;
	To vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts,
	When I am sure you hate me with your hearts.
	You both are rivals, and love Hermia;
	And now both rivals, to mock Helena:
	A trim exploit, a manly enterprise,
	To conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes
	With your derision! none of noble sort
	Would so offend a virgin, and extort
	A poor soul's patience, all to make you sport.

LYSANDER	You are unkind, Demetrius; be not so;
	For you love Hermia; this you know I know:
	And here, with all good will, with all my heart,
	In Hermia's love I yield you up my part;
	And yours of Helena to me bequeath,
	Whom I do love and will do till my death.

HELENA	Never did mockers waste more idle breath.

DEMETRIUS	Lysander, keep thy Hermia; I will none:
	If e'er I loved her, all that love is gone.
	My heart to her but as guest-wise sojourn'd,
	And now to Helen is it home return'd,
	There to remain.

LYSANDER	                  Helen, it is not so.

DEMETRIUS	Disparage not the faith thou dost not know,
	Lest, to thy peril, thou aby it dear.
	Look, where thy love comes; yonder is thy dear.

	[Re-enter HERMIA]

HERMIA	Dark night, that from the eye his function takes,
	The ear more quick of apprehension makes;
	Wherein it doth impair the seeing sense,
	It pays the hearing double recompense.
	Thou art not by mine eye, Lysander, found;
	Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound
	But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?

LYSANDER	Why should he stay, whom love doth press to go?

HERMIA	What love could press Lysander from my side?

LYSANDER	Lysander's love, that would not let him bide,
	Fair Helena, who more engilds the night
	Than all you fiery oes and eyes of light.
	Why seek'st thou me? could not this make thee know,
	The hate I bear thee made me leave thee so?

HERMIA	You speak not as you think: it cannot be.

HELENA	Lo, she is one of this confederacy!
	Now I perceive they have conjoin'd all three
	To fashion this false sport, in spite of me.
	Injurious Hermia! most ungrateful maid!
	Have you conspired, have you with these contrived
	To bait me with this foul derision?
	Is all the counsel that we two have shared,
	The sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent,
	When we have chid the hasty-footed time
	For parting us,--O, is it all forgot?
	All school-days' friendship, childhood innocence?
	We, Hermia, like two artificial gods,
	Have with our needles created both one flower,
	Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion,
	Both warbling of one song, both in one key,
	As if our hands, our sides, voices and minds,
	Had been incorporate. So we grow together,
	Like to a double cherry, seeming parted,
	But yet an union in partition;
	Two lovely berries moulded on one stem;
	So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart;
	Two of the first, like coats in heraldry,
	Due but to one and crowned with one crest.
	And will you rent our ancient love asunder,
	To join with men in scorning your poor friend?
	It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly:
	Our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it,
	Though I alone do feel the injury.

HERMIA	I am amazed at your passionate words.
	I scorn you not: it seems that you scorn me.

HELENA	Have you not set Lysander, as in scorn,
	To follow me and praise my eyes and face?
	And made your other love, Demetrius,
	Who even but now did spurn me with his foot,
	To call me goddess, nymph, divine and rare,
	Precious, celestial? Wherefore speaks he this
	To her he hates? and wherefore doth Lysander
	Deny your love, so rich within his soul,
	And tender me, forsooth, affection,
	But by your setting on, by your consent?
	What thought I be not so in grace as you,
	So hung upon with love, so fortunate,
	But miserable most, to love unloved?
	This you should pity rather than despise.

HERNIA	I understand not what you mean by this.

HELENA	Ay, do, persever, counterfeit sad looks,
	Make mouths upon me when I turn my back;
	Wink each at other; hold the sweet jest up:
	This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled.
	If you have any pity, grace, or manners,
	You would not make me such an argument.
	But fare ye well: 'tis partly my own fault;
	Which death or absence soon shall remedy.

LYSANDER	Stay, gentle Helena; hear my excuse:
	My love, my life my soul, fair Helena!

HELENA	O excellent!

HERMIA	                  Sweet, do not scorn her so.

DEMETRIUS	If she cannot entreat, I can compel.

LYSANDER	Thou canst compel no more than she entreat:
	Thy threats have no more strength than her weak prayers.
	Helen, I love thee; by my life, I do:
	I swear by that which I will lose for thee,
	To prove him false that says I love thee not.

DEMETRIUS	I say I love thee more than he can do.

LYSANDER	If thou say so, withdraw, and prove it too.

DEMETRIUS	Quick, come!

HERMIA	Lysander, whereto tends all this?

LYSANDER	Away, you Ethiope!

DEMETRIUS	                  No, no; he'll [        ]
	Seem to break loose; take on as you would follow,
	But yet come not: you are a tame man, go!

LYSANDER	Hang off, thou cat, thou burr! vile thing, let loose,
	Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent!

HERMIA	Why are you grown so rude? what change is this?
	Sweet love,--

LYSANDER	Thy love! out, tawny Tartar, out!
	Out, loathed medicine! hated potion, hence!

HERMIA	Do you not jest?

HELENA	Yes, sooth; and so do you.

LYSANDER	Demetrius, I will keep my word with thee.

DEMETRIUS	I would I had your bond, for I perceive
	A weak bond holds you: I'll not trust your word.

LYSANDER	What, should I hurt her, strike her, kill her dead?
	Although I hate her, I'll not harm her so.

HERMIA	What, can you do me greater harm than hate?
	Hate me! wherefore? O me! what news, my love!
	Am not I Hermia? are not you Lysander?
	I am as fair now as I was erewhile.
	Since night you loved me; yet since night you left
	me:
	Why, then you left me--O, the gods forbid!--
	In earnest, shall I say?

LYSANDER	Ay, by my life;
	And never did desire to see thee more.
	Therefore be out of hope, of question, of doubt;
	Be certain, nothing truer; 'tis no jest
	That I do hate thee and love Helena.

HERMIA	O me! you juggler! you canker-blossom!
	You thief of love! what, have you come by night
	And stolen my love's heart from him?

HELENA	Fine, i'faith!
	Have you no modesty, no maiden shame,
	No touch of bashfulness? What, will you tear
	Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?
	Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet, you!

HERMIA	Puppet? why so? ay, that way goes the game.
	Now I perceive that she hath made compare
	Between our statures; she hath urged her height;
	And with her personage, her tall personage,
	Her height, forsooth, she hath prevail'd with him.
	And are you grown so high in his esteem;
	Because I am so dwarfish and so low?
	How low am I, thou painted maypole? speak;
	How low am I? I am not yet so low
	But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes.

HELENA	I pray you, though you mock me, gentlemen,
	Let her not hurt me: I was never curst;
	I have no gift at all in shrewishness;
	I am a right maid for my cowardice:
	Let her not strike me. You perhaps may think,
	Because she is something lower than myself,
	That I can match her.

HERMIA	Lower! hark, again.

HELENA	Good Hermia, do not be so bitter with me.
	I evermore did love you, Hermia,
	Did ever keep your counsels, never wrong'd you;
	Save that, in love unto Demetrius,
	I told him of your stealth unto this wood.
	He follow'd you; for love I follow'd him;
	But he hath chid me hence and threaten'd me
	To strike me, spurn me, nay, to kill me too:
	And now, so you will let me quiet go,
	To Athens will I bear my folly back
	And follow you no further: let me go:
	You see how simple and how fond I am.

HERMIA	Why, get you gone: who is't that hinders you?

HELENA	A foolish heart, that I leave here behind.

HERMIA	What, with Lysander?

HELENA	With Demetrius.

LYSANDER	Be not afraid; she shall not harm thee, Helena.

DEMETRIUS	No, sir, she shall not, though you take her part.

HELENA	O, when she's angry, she is keen and shrewd!
	She was a vixen when she went to school;
	And though she be but little, she is fierce.

HERMIA	'Little' again! nothing but 'low' and 'little'!
	Why will you suffer her to flout me thus?
	Let me come to her.

LYSANDER	Get you gone, you dwarf;
	You minimus, of hindering knot-grass made;
	You bead, you acorn.

DEMETRIUS	You are too officious
	In her behalf that scorns your services.
	Let her alone: speak not of Helena;
	Take not her part; for, if thou dost intend
	Never so little show of love to her,
	Thou shalt aby it.

LYSANDER	                  Now she holds me not;
	Now follow, if thou darest, to try whose right,
	Of thine or mine, is most in Helena.

DEMETRIUS	Follow! nay, I'll go with thee, cheek by jole.

	[Exeunt LYSANDER and DEMETRIUS]

HERMIA	You, mistress, all this coil is 'long of you:
	Nay, go not back.

HELENA	                  I will not trust you, I,
	Nor longer stay in your curst company.
	Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray,
	My legs are longer though, to run away.

	[Exit]

HERMIA	I am amazed, and know not what to say.

	[Exit]

OBERON	This is thy negligence: still thou mistakest,
	Or else committ'st thy knaveries wilfully.

PUCK	Believe me, king of shadows, I mistook.
	Did not you tell me I should know the man
	By the Athenian garment be had on?
	And so far blameless proves my enterprise,
	That I have 'nointed an Athenian's eyes;
	And so far am I glad it so did sort
	As this their jangling I esteem a sport.

OBERON	Thou see'st these lovers seek a place to fight:
	Hie therefore, Robin, overcast the night;
	The starry welkin cover thou anon
	With drooping fog as black as Acheron,
	And lead these testy rivals so astray
	As one come not within another's way.
	Like to Lysander sometime frame thy tongue,
	Then stir Demetrius up with bitter wrong;
	And sometime rail thou like Demetrius;
	And from each other look thou lead them thus,
	Till o'er their brows death-counterfeiting sleep
	With leaden legs and batty wings doth creep:
	Then crush this herb into Lysander's eye;
	Whose liquor hath this virtuous property,
	To take from thence all error with his might,
	And make his eyeballs roll with wonted sight.
	When they next wake, all this derision
	Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision,
	And back to Athens shall the lovers wend,
	With league whose date till death shall never end.
	Whiles I in this affair do thee employ,
	I'll to my queen and beg her Indian boy;
	And then I will her charmed eye release
	From monster's view, and all things shall be peace.

PUCK	My fairy lord, this must be done with haste,
	For night's swift dragons cut the clouds full fast,
	And yonder shines Aurora's harbinger;
	At whose approach, ghosts, wandering here and there,
	Troop home to churchyards: damned spirits all,
	That in crossways and floods have burial,
	Already to their wormy beds are gone;
	For fear lest day should look their shames upon,
	They willfully themselves exile from light
	And must for aye consort with black-brow'd night.

OBERON	But we are spirits of another sort:
	I with the morning's love have oft made sport,
	And, like a forester, the groves may tread,
	Even till the eastern gate, all fiery-red,
	Opening on Neptune with fair blessed beams,
	Turns into yellow gold his salt green streams.
	But, notwithstanding, haste; make no delay:
	We may effect this business yet ere day.

	[Exit]

PUCK	   Up and down, up and down,
	I will lead them up and down:
	I am fear'd in field and town:
	Goblin, lead them up and down.
	Here comes one.

	[Re-enter LYSANDER]

LYSANDER	Where art thou, proud Demetrius? speak thou now.

PUCK	Here, villain; drawn and ready. Where art thou?

LYSANDER	I will be with thee straight.

PUCK	Follow me, then,
	To plainer ground.

	[Exit LYSANDER, as following the voice]

	[Re-enter DEMETRIUS]

DEMETRIUS	                  Lysander! speak again:
	Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled?
	Speak! In some bush? Where dost thou hide thy head?

PUCK	Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars,
	Telling the bushes that thou look'st for wars,
	And wilt not come? Come, recreant; come, thou child;
	I'll whip thee with a rod: he is defiled
	That draws a sword on thee.

DEMETRIUS	Yea, art thou there?

PUCK	Follow my voice: we'll try no manhood here.

	[Exeunt]

	[Re-enter LYSANDER]

LYSANDER	He goes before me and still dares me on:
	When I come where he calls, then he is gone.
	The villain is much lighter-heel'd than I:
	I follow'd fast, but faster he did fly;
	That fallen am I in dark uneven way,
	And here will rest me.

	[Lies down]

	Come, thou gentle day!
	For if but once thou show me thy grey light,
	I'll find Demetrius and revenge this spite.

	[Sleeps]

	[Re-enter PUCK and DEMETRIUS]

PUCK	Ho, ho, ho! Coward, why comest thou not?

DEMETRIUS	Abide me, if thou darest; for well I wot
	Thou runn'st before me, shifting every place,
	And darest not stand, nor look me in the face.
	Where art thou now?

PUCK	Come hither: I am here.

DEMETRIUS	Nay, then, thou mock'st me. Thou shalt buy this dear,
	If ever I thy face by daylight see:
	Now, go thy way. Faintness constraineth me
	To measure out my length on this cold bed.
	By day's approach look to be visited.

	[Lies down and sleeps]

	[Re-enter HELENA]

HELENA	O weary night, O long and tedious night,
	Abate thy hour! Shine comforts from the east,
	That I may back to Athens by daylight,
	From these that my poor company detest:
	And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow's eye,
	Steal me awhile from mine own company.

	[Lies down and sleeps]

PUCK	Yet but three? Come one more;
	Two of both kinds make up four.
	Here she comes, curst and sad:
	Cupid is a knavish lad,
	Thus to make poor females mad.

	[Re-enter HERMIA]

HERMIA	Never so weary, never so in woe,
	Bedabbled with the dew and torn with briers,
	I can no further crawl, no further go;
	My legs can keep no pace with my desires.
	Here will I rest me till the break of day.
	Heavens shield Lysander, if they mean a fray!

	[Lies down and sleeps]

PUCK	                  On the ground
	Sleep sound:
	I'll apply
	To your eye,
	Gentle lover, remedy.

	[Squeezing the juice on LYSANDER's eyes]

	When thou wakest,
	Thou takest
	True delight
	In the sight
	Of thy former lady's eye:
	And the country proverb known,
	That every man should take his own,
	In your waking shall be shown:
	Jack shall have Jill;
	Nought shall go ill;
	The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.

	[Exit]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT IV



SCENE I	The same. LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HELENA, and HERMIA
	lying asleep.


	[Enter TITANIA and BOTTOM; PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH,
	MUSTARDSEED, and other Fairies attending; OBERON
	behind unseen]

TITANIA	Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed,
	While I thy amiable cheeks do coy,
	And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head,
	And kiss thy fair large ears, my gentle joy.

BOTTOM	Where's Peaseblossom?

PEASEBLOSSOM	Ready.

BOTTOM	Scratch my head Peaseblossom. Where's Mounsieur Cobweb?

COBWEB	Ready.

BOTTOM	Mounsieur Cobweb, good mounsieur, get you your
	weapons in your hand, and kill me a red-hipped
	humble-bee on the top of a thistle; and, good
	mounsieur, bring me the honey-bag. Do not fret
	yourself too much in the action, mounsieur; and,
	good mounsieur, have a care the honey-bag break not;
	I would be loath to have you overflown with a
	honey-bag, signior. Where's Mounsieur Mustardseed?

MUSTARDSEED	Ready.

BOTTOM	Give me your neaf, Mounsieur Mustardseed. Pray you,
	leave your courtesy, good mounsieur.

MUSTARDSEED	What's your Will?

BOTTOM	Nothing, good mounsieur, but to help Cavalery Cobweb
	to scratch. I must to the barber's, monsieur; for
	methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face; and I
	am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me,
	I must scratch.

TITANIA	What, wilt thou hear some music,
	my sweet love?

BOTTOM	I have a reasonable good ear in music. Let's have
	the tongs and the bones.

TITANIA	Or say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat.

BOTTOM	Truly, a peck of provender: I could munch your good
	dry oats. Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle
	of hay: good hay, sweet hay, hath no fellow.

TITANIA	I have a venturous fairy that shall seek
	The squirrel's hoard, and fetch thee new nuts.

BOTTOM	I had rather have a handful or two of dried peas.
	But, I pray you, let none of your people stir me: I
	have an exposition of sleep come upon me.

TITANIA	Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.
	Fairies, begone, and be all ways away.

	[Exeunt fairies]

	So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle
	Gently entwist; the female ivy so
	Enrings the barky fingers of the elm.
	O, how I love thee! how I dote on thee!

	[They sleep]

	[Enter PUCK]

OBERON	[Advancing]  Welcome, good Robin.
	See'st thou this sweet sight?
	Her dotage now I do begin to pity:
	For, meeting her of late behind the wood,
	Seeking sweet favours from this hateful fool,
	I did upbraid her and fall out with her;
	For she his hairy temples then had rounded
	With a coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers;
	And that same dew, which sometime on the buds
	Was wont to swell like round and orient pearls,
	Stood now within the pretty flowerets' eyes
	Like tears that did their own disgrace bewail.
	When I had at my pleasure taunted her
	And she in mild terms begg'd my patience,
	I then did ask of her her changeling child;
	Which straight she gave me, and her fairy sent
	To bear him to my bower in fairy land.
	And now I have the boy, I will undo
	This hateful imperfection of her eyes:
	And, gentle Puck, take this transformed scalp
	From off the head of this Athenian swain;
	That, he awaking when the other do,
	May all to Athens back again repair
	And think no more of this night's accidents
	But as the fierce vexation of a dream.
	But first I will release the fairy queen.
	Be as thou wast wont to be;
	See as thou wast wont to see:
	Dian's bud o'er Cupid's flower
	Hath such force and blessed power.
	Now, my Titania; wake you, my sweet queen.

TITANIA	My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
	Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.

OBERON	There lies your love.

TITANIA	How came these things to pass?
	O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now!

OBERON	Silence awhile. Robin, take off this head.
	Titania, music call; and strike more dead
	Than common sleep of all these five the sense.

TITANIA	Music, ho! music, such as charmeth sleep!

	[Music, still]

PUCK	Now, when thou wakest, with thine
	own fool's eyes peep.

OBERON	Sound, music! Come, my queen, take hands with me,
	And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be.
	Now thou and I are new in amity,
	And will to-morrow midnight solemnly
	Dance in Duke Theseus' house triumphantly,
	And bless it to all fair prosperity:
	There shall the pairs of faithful lovers be
	Wedded, with Theseus, all in jollity.

PUCK	Fairy king, attend, and mark:
	I do hear the morning lark.

OBERON	Then, my queen, in silence sad,
	Trip we after the night's shade:
	We the globe can compass soon,
	Swifter than the wandering moon.

TITANIA	Come, my lord, and in our flight
	Tell me how it came this night
	That I sleeping here was found
	With these mortals on the ground.

	[Exeunt]

	[Horns winded within]

	[Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEUS, and train]

THESEUS	Go, one of you, find out the forester;
	For now our observation is perform'd;
	And since we have the vaward of the day,
	My love shall hear the music of my hounds.
	Uncouple in the western valley; let them go:
	Dispatch, I say, and find the forester.

	[Exit an Attendant]

	We will, fair queen, up to the mountain's top,
	And mark the musical confusion
	Of hounds and echo in conjunction.

HIPPOLYTA	I was with Hercules and Cadmus once,
	When in a wood of Crete they bay'd the bear
	With hounds of Sparta: never did I hear
	Such gallant chiding: for, besides the groves,
	The skies, the fountains, every region near
	Seem'd all one mutual cry: I never heard
	So musical a discord, such sweet thunder.

THESEUS	My hounds are bred out of the Spartan kind,
	So flew'd, so sanded, and their heads are hung
	With ears that sweep away the morning dew;
	Crook-knee'd, and dew-lapp'd like Thessalian bulls;
	Slow in pursuit, but match'd in mouth like bells,
	Each under each. A cry more tuneable
	Was never holla'd to, nor cheer'd with horn,
	In Crete, in Sparta, nor in Thessaly:
	Judge when you hear. But, soft! what nymphs are these?

EGEUS	My lord, this is my daughter here asleep;
	And this, Lysander; this Demetrius is;
	This Helena, old Nedar's Helena:
	I wonder of their being here together.

THESEUS	No doubt they rose up early to observe
	The rite of May, and hearing our intent,
	Came here in grace our solemnity.
	But speak, Egeus; is not this the day
	That Hermia should give answer of her choice?

EGEUS	It is, my lord.

THESEUS	Go, bid the huntsmen wake them with their horns.

	[Horns and shout within. LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS,
	HELENA, and HERMIA wake and start up]

	Good morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past:
	Begin these wood-birds but to couple now?

LYSANDER	Pardon, my lord.

THESEUS	                  I pray you all, stand up.
	I know you two are rival enemies:
	How comes this gentle concord in the world,
	That hatred is so far from jealousy,
	To sleep by hate, and fear no enmity?

LYSANDER	My lord, I shall reply amazedly,
	Half sleep, half waking: but as yet, I swear,
	I cannot truly say how I came here;
	But, as I think,--for truly would I speak,
	And now do I bethink me, so it is,--
	I came with Hermia hither: our intent
	Was to be gone from Athens, where we might,
	Without the peril of the Athenian law.

EGEUS	Enough, enough, my lord; you have enough:
	I beg the law, the law, upon his head.
	They would have stolen away; they would, Demetrius,
	Thereby to have defeated you and me,
	You of your wife and me of my consent,
	Of my consent that she should be your wife.

DEMETRIUS	My lord, fair Helen told me of their stealth,
	Of this their purpose hither to this wood;
	And I in fury hither follow'd them,
	Fair Helena in fancy following me.
	But, my good lord, I wot not by what power,--
	But by some power it is,--my love to Hermia,
	Melted as the snow, seems to me now
	As the remembrance of an idle gaud
	Which in my childhood I did dote upon;
	And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,
	The object and the pleasure of mine eye,
	Is only Helena. To her, my lord,
	Was I betroth'd ere I saw Hermia:
	But, like in sickness, did I loathe this food;
	But, as in health, come to my natural taste,
	Now I do wish it, love it, long for it,
	And will for evermore be true to it.

THESEUS	Fair lovers, you are fortunately met:
	Of this discourse we more will hear anon.
	Egeus, I will overbear your will;
	For in the temple by and by with us
	These couples shall eternally be knit:
	And, for the morning now is something worn,
	Our purposed hunting shall be set aside.
	Away with us to Athens; three and three,
	We'll hold a feast in great solemnity.
	Come, Hippolyta.

	[Exeunt THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEUS, and train]

DEMETRIUS	These things seem small and undistinguishable,
HERMIA	Methinks I see these things with parted eye,
	When every thing seems double.

HELENA	So methinks:
	And I have found Demetrius like a jewel,
	Mine own, and not mine own.

DEMETRIUS	Are you sure
	That we are awake? It seems to me
	That yet we sleep, we dream. Do not you think
	The duke was here, and bid us follow him?

HERMIA	Yea; and my father.

HELENA	And Hippolyta.

LYSANDER	And he did bid us follow to the temple.

DEMETRIUS	Why, then, we are awake: let's follow him
	And by the way let us recount our dreams.

	[Exeunt]

BOTTOM	[Awaking]  When my cue comes, call me, and I will
	answer: my next is, 'Most fair Pyramus.' Heigh-ho!
	Peter Quince! Flute, the bellows-mender! Snout,
	the tinker! Starveling! God's my life, stolen
	hence, and left me asleep! I have had a most rare
	vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to
	say what dream it was: man is but an ass, if he go
	about to expound this dream. Methought I was--there
	is no man can tell what. Methought I was,--and
	methought I had,--but man is but a patched fool, if
	he will offer to say what methought I had. The eye
	of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not
	seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue
	to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream
	was. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of
	this dream: it shall be called Bottom's Dream,
	because it hath no bottom; and I will sing it in the
	latter end of a play, before the duke:
	peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall
	sing it at her death.

	[Exit]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT IV



SCENE II	Athens. QUINCE'S house.


	[Enter QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING]

QUINCE	Have you sent to Bottom's house? is he come home yet?

STARVELING	He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt he is
	transported.

FLUTE	If he come not, then the play is marred: it goes
	not forward, doth it?

QUINCE	It is not possible: you have not a man in all
	Athens able to discharge Pyramus but he.

FLUTE	No, he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft
	man in Athens.

QUINCE	Yea and the best person too; and he is a very
	paramour for a sweet voice.

FLUTE	You must say 'paragon:' a paramour is, God bless us,
	a thing of naught.

	[Enter SNUG]

SNUG	Masters, the duke is coming from the temple, and
	there is two or three lords and ladies more married:
	if our sport had gone forward, we had all been made
	men.

FLUTE	O sweet bully Bottom! Thus hath he lost sixpence a
	day during his life; he could not have 'scaped
	sixpence a day: an the duke had not given him
	sixpence a day for playing Pyramus, I'll be hanged;
	he would have deserved it: sixpence a day in
	Pyramus, or nothing.

	[Enter BOTTOM]

BOTTOM	Where are these lads? where are these hearts?

QUINCE	Bottom! O most courageous day! O most happy hour!

BOTTOM	Masters, I am to discourse wonders: but ask me not
	what; for if I tell you, I am no true Athenian. I
	will tell you every thing, right as it fell out.

QUINCE	Let us hear, sweet Bottom.

BOTTOM	Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is, that
	the duke hath dined. Get your apparel together,
	good strings to your beards, new ribbons to your
	pumps; meet presently at the palace; every man look
	o'er his part; for the short and the long is, our
	play is preferred. In any case, let Thisby have
	clean linen; and let not him that plays the lion
	pair his nails, for they shall hang out for the
	lion's claws. And, most dear actors, eat no onions
	nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet breath; and I
	do not doubt but to hear them say, it is a sweet
	comedy. No more words: away! go, away!

	[Exeunt]




	A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM


ACT V



SCENE I	Athens. The palace of THESEUS.


	[Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, Lords and
	Attendants]

HIPPOLYTA	'Tis strange my Theseus, that these
	lovers speak of.

THESEUS	More strange than true: I never may believe
	These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.
	Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
	Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
	More than cool reason ever comprehends.
	The lunatic, the lover and the poet
	Are of imagination all compact:
	One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
	That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
	Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
	The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
	Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
	And as imagination bodies forth
	The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
	Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
	A local habitation and a name.
	Such tricks hath strong imagination,
	That if it would but apprehend some joy,
	It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
	Or in the night, imagining some fear,
	How easy is a bush supposed a bear!

HIPPOLYTA	But all the story of the night told over,
	And all their minds transfigured so together,
	More witnesseth than fancy's images
	And grows to something of great constancy;
	But, howsoever, strange and admirable.

THESEUS	Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth.

	[Enter LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HERMIA, and HELENA]

	Joy, gentle friends! joy and fresh days of love
	Accompany your hearts!

LYSANDER	More than to us
	Wait in your royal walks, your board, your bed!

THESEUS	Come now; what masques, what dances shall we have,
	To wear away this long age of three hours
	Between our after-supper and bed-time?
	Where is our usual manager of mirth?
	What revels are in hand? Is there no play,
	To ease the anguish of a torturing hour?
	Call Philostrate.

PHILOSTRATE	                  Here, mighty Theseus.

THESEUS	Say, what abridgement have you for this evening?
	What masque? what music? How shall we beguile
	The lazy time, if not with some delight?

PHILOSTRATE	There is a brief how many sports are ripe:
	Make choice of which your highness will see first.

	[Giving a paper]

THESEUS	[Reads]  'The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung
	By an Athenian eunuch to the harp.'
	We'll none of that: that have I told my love,
	In glory of my kinsman Hercules.

	[Reads]

	'The riot of the tipsy Bacchanals,
	Tearing the Thracian singer in their rage.'
	That is an old device; and it was play'd
	When I from Thebes came last a conqueror.

	[Reads]

	'The thrice three Muses mourning for the death
	Of Learning, late deceased in beggary.'
	That is some satire, keen and critical,
	Not sorting with a nuptial ceremony.

	[Reads]

	'A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus
	And his love Thisbe; very tragical mirth.'
	Merry and tragical! tedious and brief!
	That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow.
	How shall we find the concord of this discord?

PHILOSTRATE	A play there is, my lord, some ten words long,
	Which is as brief as I have known a play;
	But by ten words, my lord, it is too long,
	Which makes it tedious; for in all the play
	There is not one word apt, one player fitted:
	And tragical, my noble lord, it is;
	For Pyramus therein doth kill himself.
	Which, when I saw rehearsed, I must confess,
	Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears
	The passion of loud laughter never shed.

THESEUS	What are they that do play it?

PHILOSTRATE	Hard-handed men that work in Athens here,
	Which never labour'd in their minds till now,
	And now have toil'd their unbreathed memories
	With this same play, against your nuptial.

THESEUS	And we will hear it.

PHILOSTRATE	No, my noble lord;
	It is not for you: I have heard it over,
	And it is nothing, nothing in the world;
	Unless you can find sport in their intents,
	Extremely stretch'd and conn'd with cruel pain,
	To do you service.

THESEUS	                  I will hear that play;
	For never anything can be amiss,
	When simpleness and duty tender it.
	Go, bring them in: and take your places, ladies.

	[Exit PHILOSTRATE]

HIPPOLYTA	I love not to see wretchedness o'er charged
	And duty in his service perishing.

THESEUS	Why, gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing.

HIPPOLYTA	He says they can do nothing in this kind.

THESEUS	The kinder we, to give them thanks for nothing.
	Our sport shall be to take what they mistake:
	And what poor duty cannot do, noble respect
	Takes it in might, not merit.
	Where I have come, great clerks have purposed
	To greet me with premeditated welcomes;
	Where I have seen them shiver and look pale,
	Make periods in the midst of sentences,
	Throttle their practised accent in their fears
	And in conclusion dumbly have broke off,
	Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet,
	Out of this silence yet I pick'd a welcome;
	And in the modesty of fearful duty
	I read as much as from the rattling tongue
	Of saucy and audacious eloquence.
	Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity
	In least speak most, to my capacity.

	[Re-enter PHILOSTRATE]

PHILOSTRATE	So please your grace, the Prologue is address'd.

THESEUS	Let him approach.

	[Flourish of trumpets]

	[Enter QUINCE for the Prologue]

Prologue	If we offend, it is with our good will.
	That you should think, we come not to offend,
	But with good will. To show our simple skill,
	That is the true beginning of our end.
	Consider then we come but in despite.
	We do not come as minding to contest you,
	Our true intent is. All for your delight
	We are not here. That you should here repent you,
	The actors are at hand and by their show
	You shall know all that you are like to know.

THESEUS	This fellow doth not stand upon points.

LYSANDER	He hath rid his prologue like a rough colt; he knows
	not the stop. A good moral, my lord: it is not
	enough to speak, but to speak true.

HIPPOLYTA	Indeed he hath played on his prologue like a child
	on a recorder; a sound, but not in government.

THESEUS	His speech, was like a tangled chain; nothing
	impaired, but all disordered. Who is next?

	[Enter Pyramus and Thisbe, Wall, Moonshine, and Lion]

Prologue	Gentles, perchance you wonder at this show;
	But wonder on, till truth make all things plain.
	This man is Pyramus, if you would know;
	This beauteous lady Thisby is certain.
	This man, with lime and rough-cast, doth present
	Wall, that vile Wall which did these lovers sunder;
	And through Wall's chink, poor souls, they are content
	To whisper. At the which let no man wonder.
	This man, with lanthorn, dog, and bush of thorn,
	Presenteth Moonshine; for, if you will know,
	By moonshine did these lovers think no scorn
	To meet at Ninus' tomb, there, there to woo.
	This grisly beast, which Lion hight by name,
	The trusty Thisby, coming first by night,
	Did scare away, or rather did affright;
	And, as she fled, her mantle she did fall,
	Which Lion vile with bloody mouth did stain.
	Anon comes Pyramus, sweet youth and tall,
	And finds his trusty Thisby's mantle slain:
	Whereat, with blade, with bloody blameful blade,
	He bravely broach'd is boiling bloody breast;
	And Thisby, tarrying in mulberry shade,
	His dagger drew, and died. For all the rest,
	Let Lion, Moonshine, Wall, and lovers twain
	At large discourse, while here they do remain.

	[Exeunt Prologue, Thisbe, Lion, and Moonshine]

THESEUS	I wonder if the lion be to speak.

DEMETRIUS	No wonder, my lord: one lion may, when many asses do.

Wall	In this same interlude it doth befall
	That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
	And such a wall, as I would have you think,
	That had in it a crannied hole or chink,
	Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby,
	Did whisper often very secretly.
	This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show
	That I am that same wall; the truth is so:
	And this the cranny is, right and sinister,
	Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.

THESEUS	Would you desire lime and hair to speak better?

DEMETRIUS	It is the wittiest partition that ever I heard
	discourse, my lord.

	[Enter Pyramus]

THESEUS	Pyramus draws near the wall: silence!

Pyramus	O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!
	O night, which ever art when day is not!
	O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,
	I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot!
	And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
	That stand'st between her father's ground and mine!
	Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
	Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!

	[Wall holds up his fingers]

	Thanks, courteous wall: Jove shield thee well for this!
	But what see I? No Thisby do I see.
	O wicked wall, through whom I see no bliss!
	Cursed be thy stones for thus deceiving me!

THESEUS	The wall, methinks, being sensible, should curse again.

Pyramus	No, in truth, sir, he should not. 'Deceiving me'
	is Thisby's cue: she is to enter now, and I am to
	spy her through the wall. You shall see, it will
	fall pat as I told you. Yonder she comes.

	[Enter Thisbe]

Thisbe	O wall, full often hast thou heard my moans,
	For parting my fair Pyramus and me!
	My cherry lips have often kiss'd thy stones,
	Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee.

Pyramus	I see a voice: now will I to the chink,
	To spy an I can hear my Thisby's face. Thisby!

Thisbe	My love thou art, my love I think.

Pyramus	Think what thou wilt, I am thy lover's grace;
	And, like Limander, am I trusty still.

Thisbe	And I like Helen, till the Fates me kill.

Pyramus	Not Shafalus to Procrus was so true.

Thisbe	As Shafalus to Procrus, I to you.

Pyramus	O kiss me through the hole of this vile wall!

Thisbe	I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all.

Pyramus	Wilt thou at Ninny's tomb meet me straightway?

Thisbe	'Tide life, 'tide death, I come without delay.

	[Exeunt Pyramus and Thisbe]

Wall	Thus have I, Wall, my part discharged so;
	And, being done, thus Wall away doth go.

	[Exit]

THESEUS	Now is the mural down between the two neighbours.

DEMETRIUS	No remedy, my lord, when walls are so wilful to hear
	without warning.

HIPPOLYTA	This is the silliest stuff that ever I heard.

THESEUS	The best in this kind are but shadows; and the worst
	are no worse, if imagination amend them.

HIPPOLYTA	It must be your imagination then, and not theirs.

THESEUS	If we imagine no worse of them than they of
	themselves, they may pass for excellent men. Here
	come two noble beasts in, a man and a lion.

	[Enter Lion and Moonshine]

Lion	You, ladies, you, whose gentle hearts do fear
	The smallest monstrous mouse that creeps on floor,
	May now perchance both quake and tremble here,
	When lion rough in wildest rage doth roar.
	Then know that I, one Snug the joiner, am
	A lion-fell, nor else no lion's dam;
	For, if I should as lion come in strife
	Into this place, 'twere pity on my life.

THESEUS	A very gentle beast, of a good conscience.

DEMETRIUS	The very best at a beast, my lord, that e'er I saw.

LYSANDER	This lion is a very fox for his valour.

THESEUS	True; and a goose for his discretion.

DEMETRIUS	Not so, my lord; for his valour cannot carry his
	discretion; and the fox carries the goose.

THESEUS	His discretion, I am sure, cannot carry his valour;
	for the goose carries not the fox. It is well:
	leave it to his discretion, and let us listen to the moon.

Moonshine	This lanthorn doth the horned moon present;--

DEMETRIUS	He should have worn the horns on his head.

THESEUS	He is no crescent, and his horns are
	invisible within the circumference.

Moonshine	This lanthorn doth the horned moon present;
	Myself the man i' the moon do seem to be.

THESEUS	This is the greatest error of all the rest: the man
	should be put into the lanthorn. How is it else the
	man i' the moon?

DEMETRIUS	He dares not come there for the candle; for, you
	see, it is already in snuff.

HIPPOLYTA	I am aweary of this moon: would he would change!

THESEUS	It appears, by his small light of discretion, that
	he is in the wane; but yet, in courtesy, in all
	reason, we must stay the time.

LYSANDER	Proceed, Moon.

Moonshine	All that I have to say, is, to tell you that the
	lanthorn is the moon; I, the man in the moon; this
	thorn-bush, my thorn-bush; and this dog, my dog.

DEMETRIUS	Why, all these should be in the lanthorn; for all
	these are in the moon. But, silence! here comes Thisbe.

	[Enter Thisbe]

Thisbe	This is old Ninny's tomb. Where is my love?

Lion	[Roaring]  Oh--

	[Thisbe runs off]

DEMETRIUS	Well roared, Lion.

THESEUS	Well run, Thisbe.

HIPPOLYTA	Well shone, Moon. Truly, the moon shines with a
	good grace.

	[The Lion shakes Thisbe's mantle, and exit]

THESEUS	Well moused, Lion.

LYSANDER	And so the lion vanished.

DEMETRIUS	And then came Pyramus.

	[Enter Pyramus]

Pyramus	Sweet Moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams;
	I thank thee, Moon, for shining now so bright;
	For, by thy gracious, golden, glittering gleams,
	I trust to take of truest Thisby sight.
	But stay, O spite!
	But mark, poor knight,
	What dreadful dole is here!
	Eyes, do you see?
	How can it be?
	O dainty duck! O dear!
	Thy mantle good,
	What, stain'd with blood!
	Approach, ye Furies fell!
	O Fates, come, come,
	Cut thread and thrum;
	Quail, crush, conclude, and quell!

THESEUS	This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would
	go near to make a man look sad.

HIPPOLYTA	Beshrew my heart, but I pity the man.

Pyramus	O wherefore, Nature, didst thou lions frame?
	Since lion vile hath here deflower'd my dear:
	Which is--no, no--which was the fairest dame
	That lived, that loved, that liked, that look'd
	with cheer.
	Come, tears, confound;
	Out, sword, and wound
	The pap of Pyramus;
	Ay, that left pap,
	Where heart doth hop:

	[Stabs himself]

	Thus die I, thus, thus, thus.
	Now am I dead,
	Now am I fled;
	My soul is in the sky:
	Tongue, lose thy light;
	Moon take thy flight:

	[Exit Moonshine]

	Now die, die, die, die, die.

	[Dies]

DEMETRIUS	No die, but an ace, for him; for he is but one.

LYSANDER	Less than an ace, man; for he is dead; he is nothing.

THESEUS	With the help of a surgeon he might yet recover, and
	prove an ass.

HIPPOLYTA	How chance Moonshine is gone before Thisbe comes
	back and finds her lover?

THESEUS	She will find him by starlight. Here she comes; and
	her passion ends the play.

	[Re-enter Thisbe]

HIPPOLYTA	Methinks she should not use a long one for such a
	Pyramus: I hope she will be brief.

DEMETRIUS	A mote will turn the balance, which Pyramus, which
	Thisbe, is the better; he for a man, God warrant us;
	she for a woman, God bless us.

LYSANDER	She hath spied him already with those sweet eyes.

DEMETRIUS	And thus she means, videlicet:--

Thisbe	          Asleep, my love?
	What, dead, my dove?
	O Pyramus, arise!
	Speak, speak. Quite dumb?
	Dead, dead? A tomb
	Must cover thy sweet eyes.
	These My lips,
	This cherry nose,
	These yellow cowslip cheeks,
	Are gone, are gone:
	Lovers, make moan:
	His eyes were green as leeks.
	O Sisters Three,
	Come, come to me,
	With hands as pale as milk;
	Lay them in gore,
	Since you have shore
	With shears his thread of silk.
	Tongue, not a word:
	Come, trusty sword;
	Come, blade, my breast imbrue:

	[Stabs herself]

	And, farewell, friends;
	Thus Thisby ends:
	Adieu, adieu, adieu.

	[Dies]

THESEUS	Moonshine and Lion are left to bury the dead.

DEMETRIUS	Ay, and Wall too.

BOTTOM	[Starting up]  No assure you; the wall is down that
	parted their fathers. Will it please you to see the
	epilogue, or to hear a Bergomask dance between two
	of our company?

THESEUS	No epilogue, I pray you; for your play needs no
	excuse. Never excuse; for when the players are all
	dead, there needs none to be blamed. Marry, if he
	that writ it had played Pyramus and hanged himself
	in Thisbe's garter, it would have been a fine
	tragedy: and so it is, truly; and very notably
	discharged. But come, your Bergomask: let your
	epilogue alone.

	[A dance]

	The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve:
	Lovers, to bed; 'tis almost fairy time.
	I fear we shall out-sleep the coming morn
	As much as we this night have overwatch'd.
	This palpable-gross play hath well beguiled
	The heavy gait of night. Sweet friends, to bed.
	A fortnight hold we this solemnity,
	In nightly revels and new jollity.

	[Exeunt]

	[Enter PUCK]

PUCK	     Now the hungry lion roars,
	And the wolf behowls the moon;
	Whilst the heavy ploughman snores,
	All with weary task fordone.
	Now the wasted brands do glow,
	Whilst the screech-owl, screeching loud,
	Puts the wretch that lies in woe
	In remembrance of a shroud.
	Now it is the time of night
	That the graves all gaping wide,
	Every one lets forth his sprite,
	In the church-way paths to glide:
	And we fairies, that do run
	By the triple Hecate's team,
	From the presence of the sun,
	Following darkness like a dream,
	Now are frolic: not a mouse
	Shall disturb this hallow'd house:
	I am sent with broom before,
	To sweep the dust behind the door.

	[Enter OBERON and TITANIA with their train]

OBERON	     Through the house give gathering light,
	By the dead and drowsy fire:
	Every elf and fairy sprite
	Hop as light as bird from brier;
	And this ditty, after me,
	Sing, and dance it trippingly.

TITANIA	First, rehearse your song by rote
	To each word a warbling note:
	Hand in hand, with fairy grace,
	Will we sing, and bless this place.

	[Song and dance]

OBERON	Now, until the break of day,
	Through this house each fairy stray.
	To the best bride-bed will we,
	Which by us shall blessed be;
	And the issue there create
	Ever shall be fortunate.
	So shall all the couples three
	Ever true in loving be;
	And the blots of Nature's hand
	Shall not in their issue stand;
	Never mole, hare lip, nor scar,
	Nor mark prodigious, such as are
	Despised in nativity,
	Shall upon their children be.
	With this field-dew consecrate,
	Every fairy take his gait;
	And each several chamber bless,
	Through this palace, with sweet peace;
	And the owner of it blest
	Ever shall in safety rest.
	Trip away; make no stay;
	Meet me all by break of day.

	[Exeunt OBERON, TITANIA, and train]

PUCK	If we shadows have offended,
	Think but this, and all is mended,
	That you have but slumber'd here
	While these visions did appear.
	And this weak and idle theme,
	No more yielding but a dream,
	Gentles, do not reprehend:
	if you pardon, we will mend:
	And, as I am an honest Puck,
	If we have unearned luck
	Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
	We will make amends ere long;
	Else the Puck a liar call;
	So, good night unto you all.
	Give me your hands, if we be friends,
	And Robin shall restore amends.




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


The DUKE OF VENICE. (DUKE:)


The PRINCE OF		|
MOROCCO	(MOROCCO:)	|
		|  suitors to Portia.
The PRINCE OF		|
ARRAGON	(ARRAGON:)	|


ANTONIO	a merchant of Venice.

BASSANIO	his friend, suitor likewise to Portia.


SALANIO	|
	|
SALARINO	|
	|  friends to Antonio and Bassanio.
GRATIANO	|
	|
SALERIO	|


LORENZO	in love with Jessica.

SHYLOCK	a rich Jew.

TUBAL	a Jew, his friend.

LAUNCELOT GOBBO	the clown, servant to SHYLOCK. (LAUNCELOT:)

OLD GOBBO	father to Launcelot. (GOBBO:)

LEONARDO	servant to BASSANIO.


BALTHASAR	|
	|  servants to PORTIA.
STEPHANO	|


PORTIA	a rich heiress.

NERISSA	her waiting-maid.

JESSICA	daughter to SHYLOCK.

	Magnificoes of Venice, Officers of the Court of Justice,
	Gaoler, Servants to Portia, and other Attendants.
	(Servant:)
	(Clerk:)

SCENE	Partly at Venice, and partly at Belmont,
	the seat of PORTIA, on the Continent.




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT I



SCENE I	Venice. A street.


	[Enter ANTONIO, SALARINO, and SALANIO]

ANTONIO	In sooth, I know not why I am so sad:
	It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
	But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
	What stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born,
	I am to learn;
	And such a want-wit sadness makes of me,
	That I have much ado to know myself.

SALARINO	Your mind is tossing on the ocean;
	There, where your argosies with portly sail,
	Like signiors and rich burghers on the flood,
	Or, as it were, the pageants of the sea,
	Do overpeer the petty traffickers,
	That curtsy to them, do them reverence,
	As they fly by them with their woven wings.

SALANIO	Believe me, sir, had I such venture forth,
	The better part of my affections would
	Be with my hopes abroad. I should be still
	Plucking the grass, to know where sits the wind,
	Peering in maps for ports and piers and roads;
	And every object that might make me fear
	Misfortune to my ventures, out of doubt
	Would make me sad.

SALARINO	                  My wind cooling my broth
	Would blow me to an ague, when I thought
	What harm a wind too great at sea might do.
	I should not see the sandy hour-glass run,
	But I should think of shallows and of flats,
	And see my wealthy Andrew dock'd in sand,
	Vailing her high-top lower than her ribs
	To kiss her burial. Should I go to church
	And see the holy edifice of stone,
	And not bethink me straight of dangerous rocks,
	Which touching but my gentle vessel's side,
	Would scatter all her spices on the stream,
	Enrobe the roaring waters with my silks,
	And, in a word, but even now worth this,
	And now worth nothing? Shall I have the thought
	To think on this, and shall I lack the thought
	That such a thing bechanced would make me sad?
	But tell not me; I know, Antonio
	Is sad to think upon his merchandise.

ANTONIO	Believe me, no: I thank my fortune for it,
	My ventures are not in one bottom trusted,
	Nor to one place; nor is my whole estate
	Upon the fortune of this present year:
	Therefore my merchandise makes me not sad.

SALARINO	Why, then you are in love.

ANTONIO	Fie, fie!

SALARINO	Not in love neither? Then let us say you are sad,
	Because you are not merry: and 'twere as easy
	For you to laugh and leap and say you are merry,
	Because you are not sad. Now, by two-headed Janus,
	Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time:
	Some that will evermore peep through their eyes
	And laugh like parrots at a bag-piper,
	And other of such vinegar aspect
	That they'll not show their teeth in way of smile,
	Though Nestor swear the jest be laughable.

	[Enter BASSANIO, LORENZO, and GRATIANO]

SALANIO	Here comes Bassanio, your most noble kinsman,
	Gratiano and Lorenzo. Fare ye well:
	We leave you now with better company.

SALARINO	I would have stay'd till I had made you merry,
	If worthier friends had not prevented me.

ANTONIO	Your worth is very dear in my regard.
	I take it, your own business calls on you
	And you embrace the occasion to depart.

SALARINO	Good morrow, my good lords.

BASSANIO	Good signiors both, when shall we laugh? say, when?
	You grow exceeding strange: must it be so?

SALARINO	We'll make our leisures to attend on yours.

	[Exeunt Salarino and Salanio]

LORENZO	My Lord Bassanio, since you have found Antonio,
	We two will leave you: but at dinner-time,
	I pray you, have in mind where we must meet.

BASSANIO	I will not fail you.

GRATIANO	You look not well, Signior Antonio;
	You have too much respect upon the world:
	They lose it that do buy it with much care:
	Believe me, you are marvellously changed.

ANTONIO	I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano;
	A stage where every man must play a part,
	And mine a sad one.

GRATIANO	Let me play the fool:
	With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come,
	And let my liver rather heat with wine
	Than my heart cool with mortifying groans.
	Why should a man, whose blood is warm within,
	Sit like his grandsire cut in alabaster?
	Sleep when he wakes and creep into the jaundice
	By being peevish? I tell thee what, Antonio--
	I love thee, and it is my love that speaks--
	There are a sort of men whose visages
	Do cream and mantle like a standing pond,
	And do a wilful stillness entertain,
	With purpose to be dress'd in an opinion
	Of wisdom, gravity, profound conceit,
	As who should say 'I am Sir Oracle,
	And when I ope my lips let no dog bark!'
	O my Antonio, I do know of these
	That therefore only are reputed wise
	For saying nothing; when, I am very sure,
	If they should speak, would almost damn those ears,
	Which, hearing them, would call their brothers fools.
	I'll tell thee more of this another time:
	But fish not, with this melancholy bait,
	For this fool gudgeon, this opinion.
	Come, good Lorenzo. Fare ye well awhile:
	I'll end my exhortation after dinner.

LORENZO	Well, we will leave you then till dinner-time:
	I must be one of these same dumb wise men,
	For Gratiano never lets me speak.

GRATIANO	Well, keep me company but two years moe,
	Thou shalt not know the sound of thine own tongue.

ANTONIO	Farewell: I'll grow a talker for this gear.

GRATIANO	Thanks, i' faith, for silence is only commendable
	In a neat's tongue dried and a maid not vendible.

	[Exeunt GRATIANO and LORENZO]

ANTONIO	Is that any thing now?

BASSANIO	Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more
	than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two
	grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff: you
	shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you
	have them, they are not worth the search.

ANTONIO	Well, tell me now what lady is the same
	To whom you swore a secret pilgrimage,
	That you to-day promised to tell me of?

BASSANIO	'Tis not unknown to you, Antonio,
	How much I have disabled mine estate,
	By something showing a more swelling port
	Than my faint means would grant continuance:
	Nor do I now make moan to be abridged
	From such a noble rate; but my chief care
	Is to come fairly off from the great debts
	Wherein my time something too prodigal
	Hath left me gaged. To you, Antonio,
	I owe the most, in money and in love,
	And from your love I have a warranty
	To unburden all my plots and purposes
	How to get clear of all the debts I owe.

ANTONIO	I pray you, good Bassanio, let me know it;
	And if it stand, as you yourself still do,
	Within the eye of honour, be assured,
	My purse, my person, my extremest means,
	Lie all unlock'd to your occasions.

BASSANIO	In my school-days, when I had lost one shaft,
	I shot his fellow of the self-same flight
	The self-same way with more advised watch,
	To find the other forth, and by adventuring both
	I oft found both: I urge this childhood proof,
	Because what follows is pure innocence.
	I owe you much, and, like a wilful youth,
	That which I owe is lost; but if you please
	To shoot another arrow that self way
	Which you did shoot the first, I do not doubt,
	As I will watch the aim, or to find both
	Or bring your latter hazard back again
	And thankfully rest debtor for the first.

ANTONIO	You know me well, and herein spend but time
	To wind about my love with circumstance;
	And out of doubt you do me now more wrong
	In making question of my uttermost
	Than if you had made waste of all I have:
	Then do but say to me what I should do
	That in your knowledge may by me be done,
	And I am prest unto it: therefore, speak.

BASSANIO	In Belmont is a lady richly left;
	And she is fair, and, fairer than that word,
	Of wondrous virtues: sometimes from her eyes
	I did receive fair speechless messages:
	Her name is Portia, nothing undervalued
	To Cato's daughter, Brutus' Portia:
	Nor is the wide world ignorant of her worth,
	For the four winds blow in from every coast
	Renowned suitors, and her sunny locks
	Hang on her temples like a golden fleece;
	Which makes her seat of Belmont Colchos' strand,
	And many Jasons come in quest of her.
	O my Antonio, had I but the means
	To hold a rival place with one of them,
	I have a mind presages me such thrift,
	That I should questionless be fortunate!

ANTONIO	Thou know'st that all my fortunes are at sea;
	Neither have I money nor commodity
	To raise a present sum: therefore go forth;
	Try what my credit can in Venice do:
	That shall be rack'd, even to the uttermost,
	To furnish thee to Belmont, to fair Portia.
	Go, presently inquire, and so will I,
	Where money is, and I no question make
	To have it of my trust or for my sake.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT I



SCENE II: Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house.


	[Enter PORTIA and NERISSA]

PORTIA	By my troth, Nerissa, my little body is aweary of
	this great world.

NERISSA	You would be, sweet madam, if your miseries were in
	the same abundance as your good fortunes are: and
	yet, for aught I see, they are as sick that surfeit
	with too much as they that starve with nothing. It
	is no mean happiness therefore, to be seated in the
	mean: superfluity comes sooner by white hairs, but
	competency lives longer.

PORTIA	Good sentences and well pronounced.

NERISSA	They would be better, if well followed.

PORTIA	If to do were as easy as to know what were good to
	do, chapels had been churches and poor men's
	cottages princes' palaces. It is a good divine that
	follows his own instructions: I can easier teach
	twenty what were good to be done, than be one of the
	twenty to follow mine own teaching. The brain may
	devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps
	o'er a cold decree: such a hare is madness the
	youth, to skip o'er the meshes of good counsel the
	cripple. But this reasoning is not in the fashion to
	choose me a husband. O me, the word 'choose!' I may
	neither choose whom I would nor refuse whom I
	dislike; so is the will of a living daughter curbed
	by the will of a dead father. Is it not hard,
	Nerissa, that I cannot choose one nor refuse none?

NERISSA	Your father was ever virtuous; and holy men at their
	death have good inspirations: therefore the lottery,
	that he hath devised in these three chests of gold,
	silver and lead, whereof who chooses his meaning
	chooses you, will, no doubt, never be chosen by any
	rightly but one who shall rightly love. But what
	warmth is there in your affection towards any of
	these princely suitors that are already come?

PORTIA	I pray thee, over-name them; and as thou namest
	them, I will describe them; and, according to my
	description, level at my affection.

NERISSA	First, there is the Neapolitan prince.

PORTIA	Ay, that's a colt indeed, for he doth nothing but
	talk of his horse; and he makes it a great
	appropriation to his own good parts, that he can
	shoe him himself. I am much afeard my lady his
	mother played false with a smith.

NERISSA	Then there is the County Palatine.

PORTIA	He doth nothing but frown, as who should say 'If you
	will not have me, choose:' he hears merry tales and
	smiles not: I fear he will prove the weeping
	philosopher when he grows old, being so full of
	unmannerly sadness in his youth. I had rather be
	married to a death's-head with a bone in his mouth
	than to either of these. God defend me from these
	two!

NERISSA	How say you by the French lord, Monsieur Le Bon?

PORTIA	God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.
	In truth, I know it is a sin to be a mocker: but,
	he! why, he hath a horse better than the
	Neapolitan's, a better bad habit of frowning than
	the Count Palatine; he is every man in no man; if a
	throstle sing, he falls straight a capering: he will
	fence with his own shadow: if I should marry him, I
	should marry twenty husbands. If he would despise me
	I would forgive him, for if he love me to madness, I
	shall never requite him.

NERISSA	What say you, then, to Falconbridge, the young baron
	of England?

PORTIA	You know I say nothing to him, for he understands
	not me, nor I him: he hath neither Latin, French,
	nor Italian, and you will come into the court and
	swear that I have a poor pennyworth in the English.
	He is a proper man's picture, but, alas, who can
	converse with a dumb-show? How oddly he is suited!
	I think he bought his doublet in Italy, his round
	hose in France, his bonnet in Germany and his
	behavior every where.

NERISSA	What think you of the Scottish lord, his neighbour?

PORTIA	That he hath a neighbourly charity in him, for he
	borrowed a box of the ear of the Englishman and
	swore he would pay him again when he was able: I
	think the Frenchman became his surety and sealed
	under for another.

NERISSA	How like you the young German, the Duke of Saxony's nephew?

PORTIA	Very vilely in the morning, when he is sober, and
	most vilely in the afternoon, when he is drunk: when
	he is best, he is a little worse than a man, and
	when he is worst, he is little better than a beast:
	and the worst fall that ever fell, I hope I shall
	make shift to go without him.

NERISSA	If he should offer to choose, and choose the right
	casket, you should refuse to perform your father's
	will, if you should refuse to accept him.

PORTIA	Therefore, for fear of the worst, I pray thee, set a
	deep glass of rhenish wine on the contrary casket,
	for if the devil be within and that temptation
	without, I know he will choose it. I will do any
	thing, Nerissa, ere I'll be married to a sponge.

NERISSA	You need not fear, lady, the having any of these
	lords: they have acquainted me with their
	determinations; which is, indeed, to return to their
	home and to trouble you with no more suit, unless
	you may be won by some other sort than your father's
	imposition depending on the caskets.

PORTIA	If I live to be as old as Sibylla, I will die as
	chaste as Diana, unless I be obtained by the manner
	of my father's will. I am glad this parcel of wooers
	are so reasonable, for there is not one among them
	but I dote on his very absence, and I pray God grant
	them a fair departure.

NERISSA	Do you not remember, lady, in your father's time, a
	Venetian, a scholar and a soldier, that came hither
	in company of the Marquis of Montferrat?

PORTIA	Yes, yes, it was Bassanio; as I think, he was so called.

NERISSA	True, madam: he, of all the men that ever my foolish
	eyes looked upon, was the best deserving a fair lady.

PORTIA	I remember him well, and I remember him worthy of
	thy praise.

	[Enter a Serving-man]

	How now! what news?

Servant	The four strangers seek for you, madam, to take
	their leave: and there is a forerunner come from a
	fifth, the Prince of Morocco, who brings word the
	prince his master will be here to-night.

PORTIA	If I could bid the fifth welcome with so good a
	heart as I can bid the other four farewell, I should
	be glad of his approach: if he have the condition
	of a saint and the complexion of a devil, I had
	rather he should shrive me than wive me. Come,
	Nerissa. Sirrah, go before.
	Whiles we shut the gates
	upon one wooer, another knocks at the door.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT I



SCENE III	Venice. A public place.


	[Enter BASSANIO and SHYLOCK]

SHYLOCK	Three thousand ducats; well.

BASSANIO	Ay, sir, for three months.

SHYLOCK	For three months; well.

BASSANIO	For the which, as I told you, Antonio shall be bound.

SHYLOCK	Antonio shall become bound; well.

BASSANIO	May you stead me? will you pleasure me? shall I
	know your answer?

SHYLOCK	Three thousand ducats for three months and Antonio bound.

BASSANIO	Your answer to that.

SHYLOCK	Antonio is a good man.

BASSANIO	Have you heard any imputation to the contrary?

SHYLOCK	Oh, no, no, no, no: my meaning in saying he is a
	good man is to have you understand me that he is
	sufficient. Yet his means are in supposition: he
	hath an argosy bound to Tripolis, another to the
	Indies; I understand moreover, upon the Rialto, he
	hath a third at Mexico, a fourth for England, and
	other ventures he hath, squandered abroad. But ships
	are but boards, sailors but men: there be land-rats
	and water-rats, water-thieves and land-thieves, I
	mean pirates, and then there is the peril of waters,
	winds and rocks. The man is, notwithstanding,
	sufficient. Three thousand ducats; I think I may
	take his bond.

BASSANIO	Be assured you may.

SHYLOCK	I will be assured I may; and, that I may be assured,
	I will bethink me. May I speak with Antonio?

BASSANIO	If it please you to dine with us.

SHYLOCK	Yes, to smell pork; to eat of the habitation which
	your prophet the Nazarite conjured the devil into. I
	will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you,
	walk with you, and so following, but I will not eat
	with you, drink with you, nor pray with you. What
	news on the Rialto? Who is he comes here?

	[Enter ANTONIO]

BASSANIO	This is Signior Antonio.

SHYLOCK	[Aside]  How like a fawning publican he looks!
	I hate him for he is a Christian,
	But more for that in low simplicity
	He lends out money gratis and brings down
	The rate of usance here with us in Venice.
	If I can catch him once upon the hip,
	I will feed fat the ancient grudge I bear him.
	He hates our sacred nation, and he rails,
	Even there where merchants most do congregate,
	On me, my bargains and my well-won thrift,
	Which he calls interest. Cursed be my tribe,
	If I forgive him!

BASSANIO	                  Shylock, do you hear?

SHYLOCK	I am debating of my present store,
	And, by the near guess of my memory,
	I cannot instantly raise up the gross
	Of full three thousand ducats. What of that?
	Tubal, a wealthy Hebrew of my tribe,
	Will furnish me. But soft! how many months
	Do you desire?

	[To ANTONIO]

	Rest you fair, good signior;
	Your worship was the last man in our mouths.

ANTONIO	Shylock, although I neither lend nor borrow
	By taking nor by giving of excess,
	Yet, to supply the ripe wants of my friend,
	I'll break a custom. Is he yet possess'd
	How much ye would?

SHYLOCK	                  Ay, ay, three thousand ducats.

ANTONIO	And for three months.

SHYLOCK	I had forgot; three months; you told me so.
	Well then, your bond; and let me see; but hear you;
	Methought you said you neither lend nor borrow
	Upon advantage.

ANTONIO	                  I do never use it.

SHYLOCK	When Jacob grazed his uncle Laban's sheep--
	This Jacob from our holy Abram was,
	As his wise mother wrought in his behalf,
	The third possessor; ay, he was the third--

ANTONIO	And what of him? did he take interest?

SHYLOCK	No, not take interest, not, as you would say,
	Directly interest: mark what Jacob did.
	When Laban and himself were compromised
	That all the eanlings which were streak'd and pied
	Should fall as Jacob's hire, the ewes, being rank,
	In the end of autumn turned to the rams,
	And, when the work of generation was
	Between these woolly breeders in the act,
	The skilful shepherd peel'd me certain wands,
	And, in the doing of the deed of kind,
	He stuck them up before the fulsome ewes,
	Who then conceiving did in eaning time
	Fall parti-colour'd lambs, and those were Jacob's.
	This was a way to thrive, and he was blest:
	And thrift is blessing, if men steal it not.

ANTONIO	This was a venture, sir, that Jacob served for;
	A thing not in his power to bring to pass,
	But sway'd and fashion'd by the hand of heaven.
	Was this inserted to make interest good?
	Or is your gold and silver ewes and rams?

SHYLOCK	I cannot tell; I make it breed as fast:
	But note me, signior.

ANTONIO	Mark you this, Bassanio,
	The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
	An evil soul producing holy witness
	Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
	A goodly apple rotten at the heart:
	O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

SHYLOCK	Three thousand ducats; 'tis a good round sum.
	Three months from twelve; then, let me see; the rate--

ANTONIO	Well, Shylock, shall we be beholding to you?

SHYLOCK	Signior Antonio, many a time and oft
	In the Rialto you have rated me
	About my moneys and my usances:
	Still have I borne it with a patient shrug,
	For sufferance is the badge of all our tribe.
	You call me misbeliever, cut-throat dog,
	And spit upon my Jewish gaberdine,
	And all for use of that which is mine own.
	Well then, it now appears you need my help:
	Go to, then; you come to me, and you say
	'Shylock, we would have moneys:' you say so;
	You, that did void your rheum upon my beard
	And foot me as you spurn a stranger cur
	Over your threshold: moneys is your suit
	What should I say to you? Should I not say
	'Hath a dog money? is it possible
	A cur can lend three thousand ducats?' Or
	Shall I bend low and in a bondman's key,
	With bated breath and whispering humbleness, Say this;
	'Fair sir, you spit on me on Wednesday last;
	You spurn'd me such a day; another time
	You call'd me dog; and for these courtesies
	I'll lend you thus much moneys'?

ANTONIO	I am as like to call thee so again,
	To spit on thee again, to spurn thee too.
	If thou wilt lend this money, lend it not
	As to thy friends; for when did friendship take
	A breed for barren metal of his friend?
	But lend it rather to thine enemy,
	Who, if he break, thou mayst with better face
	Exact the penalty.

SHYLOCK	                  Why, look you, how you storm!
	I would be friends with you and have your love,
	Forget the shames that you have stain'd me with,
	Supply your present wants and take no doit
	Of usance for my moneys, and you'll not hear me:
	This is kind I offer.


BASSANIO	This were kindness.

SHYLOCK	This kindness will I show.
	Go with me to a notary, seal me there
	Your single bond; and, in a merry sport,
	If you repay me not on such a day,
	In such a place, such sum or sums as are
	Express'd in the condition, let the forfeit
	Be nominated for an equal pound
	Of your fair flesh, to be cut off and taken
	In what part of your body pleaseth me.

ANTONIO	Content, i' faith: I'll seal to such a bond
	And say there is much kindness in the Jew.

BASSANIO	You shall not seal to such a bond for me:
	I'll rather dwell in my necessity.

ANTONIO	Why, fear not, man; I will not forfeit it:
	Within these two months, that's a month before
	This bond expires, I do expect return
	Of thrice three times the value of this bond.

SHYLOCK	O father Abram, what these Christians are,
	Whose own hard dealings teaches them suspect
	The thoughts of others! Pray you, tell me this;
	If he should break his day, what should I gain
	By the exaction of the forfeiture?
	A pound of man's flesh taken from a man
	Is not so estimable, profitable neither,
	As flesh of muttons, beefs, or goats. I say,
	To buy his favour, I extend this friendship:
	If he will take it, so; if not, adieu;
	And, for my love, I pray you wrong me not.

ANTONIO	Yes Shylock, I will seal unto this bond.

SHYLOCK	Then meet me forthwith at the notary's;
	Give him direction for this merry bond,
	And I will go and purse the ducats straight,
	See to my house, left in the fearful guard
	Of an unthrifty knave, and presently
	I will be with you.

ANTONIO	Hie thee, gentle Jew.

	[Exit Shylock]

	The Hebrew will turn Christian: he grows kind.

BASSANIO	I like not fair terms and a villain's mind.

ANTONIO	Come on: in this there can be no dismay;
	My ships come home a month before the day.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE I	Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house.


	[Flourish of cornets. Enter the PRINCE OF MOROCCO
	and his train; PORTIA, NERISSA, and others
	attending]

MOROCCO	Mislike me not for my complexion,
	The shadow'd livery of the burnish'd sun,
	To whom I am a neighbour and near bred.
	Bring me the fairest creature northward born,
	Where Phoebus' fire scarce thaws the icicles,
	And let us make incision for your love,
	To prove whose blood is reddest, his or mine.
	I tell thee, lady, this aspect of mine
	Hath fear'd the valiant: by my love I swear
	The best-regarded virgins of our clime
	Have loved it too: I would not change this hue,
	Except to steal your thoughts, my gentle queen.

PORTIA	In terms of choice I am not solely led
	By nice direction of a maiden's eyes;
	Besides, the lottery of my destiny
	Bars me the right of voluntary choosing:
	But if my father had not scanted me
	And hedged me by his wit, to yield myself
	His wife who wins me by that means I told you,
	Yourself, renowned prince, then stood as fair
	As any comer I have look'd on yet
	For my affection.

MOROCCO	                  Even for that I thank you:
	Therefore, I pray you, lead me to the caskets
	To try my fortune. By this scimitar
	That slew the Sophy and a Persian prince
	That won three fields of Sultan Solyman,
	I would outstare the sternest eyes that look,
	Outbrave the heart most daring on the earth,
	Pluck the young sucking cubs from the she-bear,
	Yea, mock the lion when he roars for prey,
	To win thee, lady. But, alas the while!
	If Hercules and Lichas play at dice
	Which is the better man, the greater throw
	May turn by fortune from the weaker hand:
	So is Alcides beaten by his page;
	And so may I, blind fortune leading me,
	Miss that which one unworthier may attain,
	And die with grieving.

PORTIA	You must take your chance,
	And either not attempt to choose at all
	Or swear before you choose, if you choose wrong
	Never to speak to lady afterward
	In way of marriage: therefore be advised.

MOROCCO	Nor will not. Come, bring me unto my chance.

PORTIA	First, forward to the temple: after dinner
	Your hazard shall be made.

MOROCCO	Good fortune then!
	To make me blest or cursed'st among men.

	[Cornets, and exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE II	Venice. A street.


	[Enter LAUNCELOT]

LAUNCELOT	Certainly my conscience will serve me to run from
	this Jew my master. The fiend is at mine elbow and
	tempts me saying to me 'Gobbo, Launcelot Gobbo, good
	Launcelot,' or 'good Gobbo,' or good Launcelot
	Gobbo, use your legs, take the start, run away. My
	conscience says 'No; take heed,' honest Launcelot;
	take heed, honest Gobbo, or, as aforesaid, 'honest
	Launcelot Gobbo; do not run; scorn running with thy
	heels.' Well, the most courageous fiend bids me
	pack: 'Via!' says the fiend; 'away!' says the
	fiend; 'for the heavens, rouse up a brave mind,'
	says the fiend, 'and run.' Well, my conscience,
	hanging about the neck of my heart, says very wisely
	to me 'My honest friend Launcelot, being an honest
	man's son,' or rather an honest woman's son; for,
	indeed, my father did something smack, something
	grow to, he had a kind of taste; well, my conscience
	says 'Launcelot, budge not.' 'Budge,' says the
	fiend. 'Budge not,' says my conscience.
	'Conscience,' say I, 'you counsel well;' ' Fiend,'
	say I, 'you counsel well:' to be ruled by my
	conscience, I should stay with the Jew my master,
	who, God bless the mark, is a kind of devil; and, to
	run away from the Jew, I should be ruled by the
	fiend, who, saving your reverence, is the devil
	himself. Certainly the Jew is the very devil
	incarnal; and, in my conscience, my conscience is
	but a kind of hard conscience, to offer to counsel
	me to stay with the Jew. The fiend gives the more
	friendly counsel: I will run, fiend; my heels are
	at your command; I will run.

	[Enter Old GOBBO, with a basket]

GOBBO	Master young man, you, I pray you, which is the way
	to master Jew's?

LAUNCELOT	[Aside]  O heavens, this is my true-begotten father!
	who, being more than sand-blind, high-gravel blind,
	knows me not: I will try confusions with him.

GOBBO	Master young gentleman, I pray you, which is the way
	to master Jew's?

LAUNCELOT	Turn up on your right hand at the next turning, but,
	at the next turning of all, on your left; marry, at
	the very next turning, turn of no hand, but turn
	down indirectly to the Jew's house.

GOBBO	By God's sonties, 'twill be a hard way to hit. Can
	you tell me whether one Launcelot,
	that dwells with him, dwell with him or no?

LAUNCELOT	Talk you of young Master Launcelot?

	[Aside]

	Mark me now; now will I raise the waters. Talk you
	of young Master Launcelot?

GOBBO	No master, sir, but a poor man's son: his father,
	though I say it, is an honest exceeding poor man
	and, God be thanked, well to live.

LAUNCELOT	Well, let his father be what a' will, we talk of
	young Master Launcelot.

GOBBO	Your worship's friend and Launcelot, sir.

LAUNCELOT	But I pray you, ergo, old man, ergo, I beseech you,
	talk you of young Master Launcelot?

GOBBO	Of Launcelot, an't please your mastership.

LAUNCELOT	Ergo, Master Launcelot. Talk not of Master
	Launcelot, father; for the young gentleman,
	according to Fates and Destinies and such odd
	sayings, the Sisters Three and such branches of
	learning, is indeed deceased, or, as you would say
	in plain terms, gone to heaven.

GOBBO	Marry, God forbid! the boy was the very staff of my
	age, my very prop.

LAUNCELOT	Do I look like a cudgel or a hovel-post, a staff or
	a prop? Do you know me, father?

GOBBO	Alack the day, I know you not, young gentleman:
	but, I pray you, tell me, is my boy, God rest his
	soul, alive or dead?

LAUNCELOT	Do you not know me, father?

GOBBO	Alack, sir, I am sand-blind; I know you not.

LAUNCELOT	Nay, indeed, if you had your eyes, you might fail of
	the knowing me: it is a wise father that knows his
	own child. Well, old man, I will tell you news of
	your son: give me your blessing: truth will come
	to light; murder cannot be hid long; a man's son
	may, but at the length truth will out.

GOBBO	Pray you, sir, stand up: I am sure you are not
	Launcelot, my boy.

LAUNCELOT	Pray you, let's have no more fooling about it, but
	give me your blessing: I am Launcelot, your boy
	that was, your son that is, your child that shall
	be.

GOBBO	I cannot think you are my son.

LAUNCELOT	I know not what I shall think of that: but I am
	Launcelot, the Jew's man, and I am sure Margery your
	wife is my mother.

GOBBO	Her name is Margery, indeed: I'll be sworn, if thou
	be Launcelot, thou art mine own flesh and blood.
	Lord worshipped might he be! what a beard hast thou
	got! thou hast got more hair on thy chin than
	Dobbin my fill-horse has on his tail.

LAUNCELOT	It should seem, then, that Dobbin's tail grows
	backward: I am sure he had more hair of his tail
	than I have of my face when I last saw him.

GOBBO	Lord, how art thou changed! How dost thou and thy
	master agree? I have brought him a present. How
	'gree you now?

LAUNCELOT	Well, well: but, for mine own part, as I have set
	up my rest to run away, so I will not rest till I
	have run some ground. My master's a very Jew: give
	him a present! give him a halter: I am famished in
	his service; you may tell every finger I have with
	my ribs. Father, I am glad you are come: give me
	your present to one Master Bassanio, who, indeed,
	gives rare new liveries: if I serve not him, I
	will run as far as God has any ground. O rare
	fortune! here comes the man: to him, father; for I
	am a Jew, if I serve the Jew any longer.

	[Enter BASSANIO, with LEONARDO and other followers]

BASSANIO	You may do so; but let it be so hasted that supper
	be ready at the farthest by five of the clock. See
	these letters delivered; put the liveries to making,
	and desire Gratiano to come anon to my lodging.

	[Exit a Servant]

LAUNCELOT	To him, father.

GOBBO	God bless your worship!

BASSANIO	Gramercy! wouldst thou aught with me?

GOBBO	Here's my son, sir, a poor boy,--

LAUNCELOT	Not a poor boy, sir, but the rich Jew's man; that
	would, sir, as my father shall specify--

GOBBO	He hath a great infection, sir, as one would say, to serve--

LAUNCELOT	Indeed, the short and the long is, I serve the Jew,
	and have a desire, as my father shall specify--

GOBBO	His master and he, saving your worship's reverence,
	are scarce cater-cousins--

LAUNCELOT	To be brief, the very truth is that the Jew, having
	done me wrong, doth cause me, as my father, being, I
	hope, an old man, shall frutify unto you--

GOBBO	I have here a dish of doves that I would bestow upon
	your worship, and my suit is--

LAUNCELOT	In very brief, the suit is impertinent to myself, as
	your worship shall know by this honest old man; and,
	though I say it, though old man, yet poor man, my father.

BASSANIO	One speak for both. What would you?

LAUNCELOT	Serve you, sir.

GOBBO	That is the very defect of the matter, sir.

BASSANIO	I know thee well; thou hast obtain'd thy suit:
	Shylock thy master spoke with me this day,
	And hath preferr'd thee, if it be preferment
	To leave a rich Jew's service, to become
	The follower of so poor a gentleman.

LAUNCELOT	The old proverb is very well parted between my
	master Shylock and you, sir: you have the grace of
	God, sir, and he hath enough.

BASSANIO	Thou speak'st it well. Go, father, with thy son.
	Take leave of thy old master and inquire
	My lodging out. Give him a livery
	More guarded than his fellows': see it done.

LAUNCELOT	Father, in. I cannot get a service, no; I have
	ne'er a tongue in my head. Well, if any man in
	Italy have a fairer table which doth offer to swear
	upon a book, I shall have good fortune. Go to,
	here's a simple line of life: here's a small trifle
	of wives: alas, fifteen wives is nothing! eleven
	widows and nine maids is a simple coming-in for one
	man: and then to 'scape drowning thrice, and to be
	in peril of my life with the edge of a feather-bed;
	here are simple scapes. Well, if Fortune be a
	woman, she's a good wench for this gear. Father,
	come; I'll take my leave of the Jew in the twinkling of an eye.

	[Exeunt Launcelot and Old Gobbo]

BASSANIO	I pray thee, good Leonardo, think on this:
	These things being bought and orderly bestow'd,
	Return in haste, for I do feast to-night
	My best-esteem'd acquaintance: hie thee, go.

LEONARDO	My best endeavours shall be done herein.

	[Enter GRATIANO]

GRATIANO	Where is your master?

LEONARDO	Yonder, sir, he walks.

	[Exit]

GRATIANO	Signior Bassanio!

BASSANIO	Gratiano!

GRATIANO	I have a suit to you.

BASSANIO	You have obtain'd it.

GRATIANO	You must not deny me: I must go with you to Belmont.

BASSANIO	Why then you must. But hear thee, Gratiano;
	Thou art too wild, too rude and bold of voice;
	Parts that become thee happily enough
	And in such eyes as ours appear not faults;
	But where thou art not known, why, there they show
	Something too liberal. Pray thee, take pain
	To allay with some cold drops of modesty
	Thy skipping spirit, lest through thy wild behavior
	I be misconstrued in the place I go to,
	And lose my hopes.

GRATIANO	                  Signior Bassanio, hear me:
	If I do not put on a sober habit,
	Talk with respect and swear but now and then,
	Wear prayer-books in my pocket, look demurely,
	Nay more, while grace is saying, hood mine eyes
	Thus with my hat, and sigh and say 'amen,'
	Use all the observance of civility,
	Like one well studied in a sad ostent
	To please his grandam, never trust me more.

BASSANIO	Well, we shall see your bearing.

GRATIANO	Nay, but I bar to-night: you shall not gauge me
	By what we do to-night.

BASSANIO	No, that were pity:
	I would entreat you rather to put on
	Your boldest suit of mirth, for we have friends
	That purpose merriment. But fare you well:
	I have some business.

GRATIANO	And I must to Lorenzo and the rest:
	But we will visit you at supper-time.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE III	The same. A room in SHYLOCK'S house.


	[Enter JESSICA and LAUNCELOT]

JESSICA	I am sorry thou wilt leave my father so:
	Our house is hell, and thou, a merry devil,
	Didst rob it of some taste of tediousness.
	But fare thee well, there is a ducat for thee:
	And, Launcelot, soon at supper shalt thou see
	Lorenzo, who is thy new master's guest:
	Give him this letter; do it secretly;
	And so farewell: I would not have my father
	See me in talk with thee.

LAUNCELOT	Adieu! tears exhibit my tongue. Most beautiful
	pagan, most sweet Jew! if a Christian did not play
	the knave and get thee, I am much deceived. But,
	adieu: these foolish drops do something drown my
	manly spirit: adieu.

JESSICA	Farewell, good Launcelot.

	[Exit Launcelot]

	Alack, what heinous sin is it in me
	To be ashamed to be my father's child!
	But though I am a daughter to his blood,
	I am not to his manners. O Lorenzo,
	If thou keep promise, I shall end this strife,
	Become a Christian and thy loving wife.

	[Exit]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE IV	The same. A street.


	[Enter GRATIANO, LORENZO, SALARINO, and SALANIO]

LORENZO	Nay, we will slink away in supper-time,
	Disguise us at my lodging and return,
	All in an hour.

GRATIANO	We have not made good preparation.

SALARINO	We have not spoke us yet of torchbearers.

SALANIO	'Tis vile, unless it may be quaintly order'd,
	And better in my mind not undertook.

LORENZO	'Tis now but four o'clock: we have two hours
	To furnish us.

	[Enter LAUNCELOT, with a letter]

	Friend Launcelot, what's the news?

LAUNCELOT	An it shall please you to break up
	this, it shall seem to signify.

LORENZO	I know the hand: in faith, 'tis a fair hand;
	And whiter than the paper it writ on
	Is the fair hand that writ.

GRATIANO	Love-news, in faith.

LAUNCELOT	By your leave, sir.

LORENZO	Whither goest thou?

LAUNCELOT	Marry, sir, to bid my old master the
	Jew to sup to-night with my new master the Christian.

LORENZO	Hold here, take this: tell gentle Jessica
	I will not fail her; speak it privately.
	Go, gentlemen,

	[Exit Launcelot]

	Will you prepare you for this masque tonight?
	I am provided of a torch-bearer.

SALANIO	Ay, marry, I'll be gone about it straight.

SALANIO	And so will I.

LORENZO	                  Meet me and Gratiano
	At Gratiano's lodging some hour hence.

SALARINO	'Tis good we do so.

	[Exeunt SALARINO and SALANIO]

GRATIANO	Was not that letter from fair Jessica?

LORENZO	I must needs tell thee all. She hath directed
	How I shall take her from her father's house,
	What gold and jewels she is furnish'd with,
	What page's suit she hath in readiness.
	If e'er the Jew her father come to heaven,
	It will be for his gentle daughter's sake:
	And never dare misfortune cross her foot,
	Unless she do it under this excuse,
	That she is issue to a faithless Jew.
	Come, go with me; peruse this as thou goest:
	Fair Jessica shall be my torch-bearer.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE V	The same. Before SHYLOCK'S house.


	[Enter SHYLOCK and LAUNCELOT]

SHYLOCK	Well, thou shalt see, thy eyes shall be thy judge,
	The difference of old Shylock and Bassanio:--
	What, Jessica!--thou shalt not gormandise,
	As thou hast done with me:--What, Jessica!--
	And sleep and snore, and rend apparel out;--
	Why, Jessica, I say!

LAUNCELOT	Why, Jessica!

SHYLOCK	Who bids thee call? I do not bid thee call.

LAUNCELOT	Your worship was wont to tell me that
	I could do nothing without bidding.

	[Enter Jessica]

JESSICA	Call you? what is your will?

SHYLOCK	I am bid forth to supper, Jessica:
	There are my keys. But wherefore should I go?
	I am not bid for love; they flatter me:
	But yet I'll go in hate, to feed upon
	The prodigal Christian. Jessica, my girl,
	Look to my house. I am right loath to go:
	There is some ill a-brewing towards my rest,
	For I did dream of money-bags to-night.

LAUNCELOT	I beseech you, sir, go: my young master doth expect
	your reproach.

SHYLOCK	So do I his.

LAUNCELOT	An they have conspired together, I will not say you
	shall see a masque; but if you do, then it was not
	for nothing that my nose fell a-bleeding on
	Black-Monday last at six o'clock i' the morning,
	falling out that year on Ash-Wednesday was four
	year, in the afternoon.

SHYLOCK	What, are there masques? Hear you me, Jessica:
	Lock up my doors; and when you hear the drum
	And the vile squealing of the wry-neck'd fife,
	Clamber not you up to the casements then,
	Nor thrust your head into the public street
	To gaze on Christian fools with varnish'd faces,
	But stop my house's ears, I mean my casements:
	Let not the sound of shallow foppery enter
	My sober house. By Jacob's staff, I swear,
	I have no mind of feasting forth to-night:
	But I will go. Go you before me, sirrah;
	Say I will come.

LAUNCELOT	I will go before, sir. Mistress, look out at
	window, for all this, There will come a Christian
	boy, will be worth a Jewess' eye.

	[Exit]

SHYLOCK	What says that fool of Hagar's offspring, ha?


JESSICA	His words were 'Farewell mistress;' nothing else.

SHYLOCK	The patch is kind enough, but a huge feeder;
	Snail-slow in profit, and he sleeps by day
	More than the wild-cat: drones hive not with me;
	Therefore I part with him, and part with him
	To one that would have him help to waste
	His borrow'd purse. Well, Jessica, go in;
	Perhaps I will return immediately:
	Do as I bid you; shut doors after you:
	Fast bind, fast find;
	A proverb never stale in thrifty mind.

	[Exit]

JESSICA	Farewell; and if my fortune be not crost,
	I have a father, you a daughter, lost.

	[Exit]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE VI	The same.


	[Enter GRATIANO and SALARINO, masqued]

GRATIANO	This is the pent-house under which Lorenzo
	Desired us to make stand.

SALARINO	His hour is almost past.

GRATIANO	And it is marvel he out-dwells his hour,
	For lovers ever run before the clock.

SALARINO	O, ten times faster Venus' pigeons fly
	To seal love's bonds new-made, than they are wont
	To keep obliged faith unforfeited!

GRATIANO	That ever holds: who riseth from a feast
	With that keen appetite that he sits down?
	Where is the horse that doth untread again
	His tedious measures with the unbated fire
	That he did pace them first? All things that are,
	Are with more spirit chased than enjoy'd.
	How like a younker or a prodigal
	The scarfed bark puts from her native bay,
	Hugg'd and embraced by the strumpet wind!
	How like the prodigal doth she return,
	With over-weather'd ribs and ragged sails,
	Lean, rent and beggar'd by the strumpet wind!

SALARINO	Here comes Lorenzo: more of this hereafter.

	[Enter LORENZO]

LORENZO	Sweet friends, your patience for my long abode;
	Not I, but my affairs, have made you wait:
	When you shall please to play the thieves for wives,
	I'll watch as long for you then. Approach;
	Here dwells my father Jew. Ho! who's within?

	[Enter JESSICA, above, in boy's clothes]

JESSICA	Who are you? Tell me, for more certainty,
	Albeit I'll swear that I do know your tongue.

LORENZO	Lorenzo, and thy love.

JESSICA	Lorenzo, certain, and my love indeed,
	For who love I so much? And now who knows
	But you, Lorenzo, whether I am yours?

LORENZO	Heaven and thy thoughts are witness that thou art.

JESSICA	Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
	I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
	For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
	But love is blind and lovers cannot see
	The pretty follies that themselves commit;
	For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
	To see me thus transformed to a boy.

LORENZO	Descend, for you must be my torchbearer.

JESSICA	What, must I hold a candle to my shames?
	They in themselves, good-sooth, are too too light.
	Why, 'tis an office of discovery, love;
	And I should be obscured.

LORENZO	So are you, sweet,
	Even in the lovely garnish of a boy.
	But come at once;
	For the close night doth play the runaway,
	And we are stay'd for at Bassanio's feast.

JESSICA	I will make fast the doors, and gild myself
	With some more ducats, and be with you straight.

	[Exit above]

GRATIANO	Now, by my hood, a Gentile and no Jew.

LORENZO	Beshrew me but I love her heartily;
	For she is wise, if I can judge of her,
	And fair she is, if that mine eyes be true,
	And true she is, as she hath proved herself,
	And therefore, like herself, wise, fair and true,
	Shall she be placed in my constant soul.

	[Enter JESSICA, below]

	What, art thou come? On, gentlemen; away!
	Our masquing mates by this time for us stay.

	[Exit with Jessica and Salarino]

	[Enter ANTONIO]

ANTONIO	Who's there?

GRATIANO	Signior Antonio!

ANTONIO	Fie, fie, Gratiano! where are all the rest?
	'Tis nine o'clock: our friends all stay for you.
	No masque to-night: the wind is come about;
	Bassanio presently will go aboard:
	I have sent twenty out to seek for you.

GRATIANO	I am glad on't: I desire no more delight
	Than to be under sail and gone to-night.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE VII	Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house.


	[Flourish of cornets. Enter PORTIA, with the
	PRINCE OF MOROCCO, and their trains]

PORTIA	Go draw aside the curtains and discover
	The several caskets to this noble prince.
	Now make your choice.

MOROCCO	The first, of gold, who this inscription bears,
	'Who chooseth me shall gain what many men desire;'
	The second, silver, which this promise carries,
	'Who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves;'
	This third, dull lead, with warning all as blunt,
	'Who chooseth me must give and hazard all he hath.'
	How shall I know if I do choose the right?

PORTIA	The one of them contains my picture, prince:
	If you choose that, then I am yours withal.

MOROCCO	Some god direct my judgment! Let me see;
	I will survey the inscriptions back again.
	What says this leaden casket?
	'Who chooseth me must give and hazard all he hath.'
	Must give: for what? for lead? hazard for lead?
	This casket threatens. Men that hazard all
	Do it in hope of fair advantages:
	A golden mind stoops not to shows of dross;
	I'll then nor give nor hazard aught for lead.
	What says the silver with her virgin hue?
	'Who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves.'
	As much as he deserves! Pause there, Morocco,
	And weigh thy value with an even hand:
	If thou be'st rated by thy estimation,
	Thou dost deserve enough; and yet enough
	May not extend so far as to the lady:
	And yet to be afeard of my deserving
	Were but a weak disabling of myself.
	As much as I deserve! Why, that's the lady:
	I do in birth deserve her, and in fortunes,
	In graces and in qualities of breeding;
	But more than these, in love I do deserve.
	What if I stray'd no further, but chose here?
	Let's see once more this saying graved in gold
	'Who chooseth me shall gain what many men desire.'
	Why, that's the lady; all the world desires her;
	From the four corners of the earth they come,
	To kiss this shrine, this mortal-breathing saint:
	The Hyrcanian deserts and the vasty wilds
	Of wide Arabia are as thoroughfares now
	For princes to come view fair Portia:
	The watery kingdom, whose ambitious head
	Spits in the face of heaven, is no bar
	To stop the foreign spirits, but they come,
	As o'er a brook, to see fair Portia.
	One of these three contains her heavenly picture.
	Is't like that lead contains her? 'Twere damnation
	To think so base a thought: it were too gross
	To rib her cerecloth in the obscure grave.
	Or shall I think in silver she's immured,
	Being ten times undervalued to tried gold?
	O sinful thought! Never so rich a gem
	Was set in worse than gold. They have in England
	A coin that bears the figure of an angel
	Stamped in gold, but that's insculp'd upon;
	But here an angel in a golden bed
	Lies all within. Deliver me the key:
	Here do I choose, and thrive I as I may!

PORTIA	There, take it, prince; and if my form lie there,
	Then I am yours.

	[He unlocks the golden casket]

MOROCCO	                  O hell! what have we here?
	A carrion Death, within whose empty eye
	There is a written scroll! I'll read the writing.

	[Reads]

	All that glitters is not gold;
	Often have you heard that told:
	Many a man his life hath sold
	But my outside to behold:
	Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
	Had you been as wise as bold,
	Young in limbs, in judgment old,
	Your answer had not been inscroll'd:
	Fare you well; your suit is cold.
	Cold, indeed; and labour lost:
	Then, farewell, heat, and welcome, frost!
	Portia, adieu. I have too grieved a heart
	To take a tedious leave: thus losers part.

	[Exit with his train. Flourish of cornets]

PORTIA	A gentle riddance. Draw the curtains, go.
	Let all of his complexion choose me so.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE VIII	Venice. A street.


	[Enter SALARINO and SALANIO]

SALARINO	Why, man, I saw Bassanio under sail:
	With him is Gratiano gone along;
	And in their ship I am sure Lorenzo is not.

SALANIO	The villain Jew with outcries raised the duke,
	Who went with him to search Bassanio's ship.

SALARINO	He came too late, the ship was under sail:
	But there the duke was given to understand
	That in a gondola were seen together
	Lorenzo and his amorous Jessica:
	Besides, Antonio certified the duke
	They were not with Bassanio in his ship.

SALANIO	I never heard a passion so confused,
	So strange, outrageous, and so variable,
	As the dog Jew did utter in the streets:
	'My daughter! O my ducats! O my daughter!
	Fled with a Christian! O my Christian ducats!
	Justice! the law! my ducats, and my daughter!
	A sealed bag, two sealed bags of ducats,
	Of double ducats, stolen from me by my daughter!
	And jewels, two stones, two rich and precious stones,
	Stolen by my daughter! Justice! find the girl;
	She hath the stones upon her, and the ducats.'

SALARINO	Why, all the boys in Venice follow him,
	Crying, his stones, his daughter, and his ducats.

SALANIO	Let good Antonio look he keep his day,
	Or he shall pay for this.

SALARINO	Marry, well remember'd.
	I reason'd with a Frenchman yesterday,
	Who told me, in the narrow seas that part
	The French and English, there miscarried
	A vessel of our country richly fraught:
	I thought upon Antonio when he told me;
	And wish'd in silence that it were not his.

SALANIO	You were best to tell Antonio what you hear;
	Yet do not suddenly, for it may grieve him.

SALARINO	A kinder gentleman treads not the earth.
	I saw Bassanio and Antonio part:
	Bassanio told him he would make some speed
	Of his return: he answer'd, 'Do not so;
	Slubber not business for my sake, Bassanio
	But stay the very riping of the time;
	And for the Jew's bond which he hath of me,
	Let it not enter in your mind of love:
	Be merry, and employ your chiefest thoughts
	To courtship and such fair ostents of love
	As shall conveniently become you there:'
	And even there, his eye being big with tears,
	Turning his face, he put his hand behind him,
	And with affection wondrous sensible
	He wrung Bassanio's hand; and so they parted.

SALANIO	I think he only loves the world for him.
	I pray thee, let us go and find him out
	And quicken his embraced heaviness
	With some delight or other.

SALARINO	Do we so.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT II



SCENE IX	Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house.


	[Enter NERISSA with a Servitor]

NERISSA	Quick, quick, I pray thee; draw the curtain straight:
	The Prince of Arragon hath ta'en his oath,
	And comes to his election presently.

	[Flourish of cornets. Enter the PRINCE OF ARRAGON,
	PORTIA, and their trains]

PORTIA	Behold, there stand the caskets, noble prince:
	If you choose that wherein I am contain'd,
	Straight shall our nuptial rites be solemnized:
	But if you fail, without more speech, my lord,
	You must be gone from hence immediately.

ARRAGON	I am enjoin'd by oath to observe three things:
	First, never to unfold to any one
	Which casket 'twas I chose; next, if I fail
	Of the right casket, never in my life
	To woo a maid in way of marriage: Lastly,
	If I do fail in fortune of my choice,
	Immediately to leave you and be gone.

PORTIA	To these injunctions every one doth swear
	That comes to hazard for my worthless self.

ARRAGON	And so have I address'd me. Fortune now
	To my heart's hope! Gold; silver; and base lead.
	'Who chooseth me must give and hazard all he hath.'
	You shall look fairer, ere I give or hazard.
	What says the golden chest? ha! let me see:
	'Who chooseth me shall gain what many men desire.'
	What many men desire! that 'many' may be meant
	By the fool multitude, that choose by show,
	Not learning more than the fond eye doth teach;
	Which pries not to the interior, but, like the martlet,
	Builds in the weather on the outward wall,
	Even in the force and road of casualty.
	I will not choose what many men desire,
	Because I will not jump with common spirits
	And rank me with the barbarous multitudes.
	Why, then to thee, thou silver treasure-house;
	Tell me once more what title thou dost bear:
	'Who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves:'
	And well said too; for who shall go about
	To cozen fortune and be honourable
	Without the stamp of merit? Let none presume
	To wear an undeserved dignity.
	O, that estates, degrees and offices
	Were not derived corruptly, and that clear honour
	Were purchased by the merit of the wearer!
	How many then should cover that stand bare!
	How many be commanded that command!
	How much low peasantry would then be glean'd
	From the true seed of honour! and how much honour
	Pick'd from the chaff and ruin of the times
	To be new-varnish'd! Well, but to my choice:
	'Who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves.'
	I will assume desert. Give me a key for this,
	And instantly unlock my fortunes here.

	[He opens the silver casket]

PORTIA	Too long a pause for that which you find there.

ARRAGON	What's here? the portrait of a blinking idiot,
	Presenting me a schedule! I will read it.
	How much unlike art thou to Portia!
	How much unlike my hopes and my deservings!
	'Who chooseth me shall have as much as he deserves.'
	Did I deserve no more than a fool's head?
	Is that my prize? are my deserts no better?

PORTIA	To offend, and judge, are distinct offices
	And of opposed natures.

ARRAGON	What is here?

	[Reads]

	The fire seven times tried this:
	Seven times tried that judgment is,
	That did never choose amiss.
	Some there be that shadows kiss;
	Such have but a shadow's bliss:
	There be fools alive, I wis,
	Silver'd o'er; and so was this.
	Take what wife you will to bed,
	I will ever be your head:
	So be gone: you are sped.
	Still more fool I shall appear
	By the time I linger here
	With one fool's head I came to woo,
	But I go away with two.
	Sweet, adieu. I'll keep my oath,
	Patiently to bear my wroth.

	[Exeunt Arragon and train]

PORTIA	Thus hath the candle singed the moth.
	O, these deliberate fools! when they do choose,
	They have the wisdom by their wit to lose.

NERISSA	The ancient saying is no heresy,
	Hanging and wiving goes by destiny.

PORTIA	Come, draw the curtain, Nerissa.

	[Enter a Servant]

Servant	Where is my lady?

PORTIA	                  Here: what would my lord?

Servant	Madam, there is alighted at your gate
	A young Venetian, one that comes before
	To signify the approaching of his lord;
	From whom he bringeth sensible regreets,
	To wit, besides commends and courteous breath,
	Gifts of rich value. Yet I have not seen
	So likely an ambassador of love:
	A day in April never came so sweet,
	To show how costly summer was at hand,
	As this fore-spurrer comes before his lord.

PORTIA	No more, I pray thee: I am half afeard
	Thou wilt say anon he is some kin to thee,
	Thou spend'st such high-day wit in praising him.
	Come, come, Nerissa; for I long to see
	Quick Cupid's post that comes so mannerly.

NERISSA	Bassanio, lord Love, if thy will it be!

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT III



SCENE I	Venice. A street.


	[Enter SALANIO and SALARINO]

SALANIO	Now, what news on the Rialto?

SALARINO	Why, yet it lives there uncheck'd that Antonio hath
	a ship of rich lading wrecked on the narrow seas;
	the Goodwins, I think they call the place; a very
	dangerous flat and fatal, where the carcasses of many
	a tall ship lie buried, as they say, if my gossip
	Report be an honest woman of her word.

SALANIO	I would she were as lying a gossip in that as ever
	knapped ginger or made her neighbours believe she
	wept for the death of a third husband. But it is
	true, without any slips of prolixity or crossing the
	plain highway of talk, that the good Antonio, the
	honest Antonio,--O that I had a title good enough
	to keep his name company!--

SALARINO	Come, the full stop.

SALANIO	Ha! what sayest thou? Why, the end is, he hath
	lost a ship.

SALARINO	I would it might prove the end of his losses.

SALANIO	Let me say 'amen' betimes, lest the devil cross my
	prayer, for here he comes in the likeness of a Jew.

	[Enter SHYLOCK]

	How now, Shylock! what news among the merchants?

SHYLOCK	You know, none so well, none so well as you, of my
	daughter's flight.

SALARINO	That's certain: I, for my part, knew the tailor
	that made the wings she flew withal.

SALANIO	And Shylock, for his own part, knew the bird was
	fledged; and then it is the complexion of them all
	to leave the dam.

SHYLOCK	She is damned for it.

SALANIO	That's certain, if the devil may be her judge.

SHYLOCK	My own flesh and blood to rebel!

SALANIO	Out upon it, old carrion! rebels it at these years?

SHYLOCK	I say, my daughter is my flesh and blood.

SALARINO	There is more difference between thy flesh and hers
	than between jet and ivory; more between your bloods
	than there is between red wine and rhenish. But
	tell us, do you hear whether Antonio have had any
	loss at sea or no?

SHYLOCK	There I have another bad match: a bankrupt, a
	prodigal, who dare scarce show his head on the
	Rialto; a beggar, that was used to come so smug upon
	the mart; let him look to his bond: he was wont to
	call me usurer; let him look to his bond: he was
	wont to lend money for a Christian courtesy; let him
	look to his bond.

SALARINO	Why, I am sure, if he forfeit, thou wilt not take
	his flesh: what's that good for?

SHYLOCK	To bait fish withal: if it will feed nothing else,
	it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me, and
	hindered me half a million; laughed at my losses,
	mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my
	bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine
	enemies; and what's his reason? I am a Jew. Hath
	not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs,
	dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with
	the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject
	to the same diseases, healed by the same means,
	warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as
	a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed?
	if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison
	us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not
	revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will
	resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian,
	what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian
	wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by
	Christian example? Why, revenge. The villany you
	teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I
	will better the instruction.

	[Enter a Servant]

Servant	Gentlemen, my master Antonio is at his house and
	desires to speak with you both.

SALARINO	We have been up and down to seek him.

	[Enter TUBAL]

SALANIO	Here comes another of the tribe: a third cannot be
	matched, unless the devil himself turn Jew.

	[Exeunt SALANIO, SALARINO, and Servant]

SHYLOCK	How now, Tubal! what news from Genoa? hast thou
	found my daughter?

TUBAL	I often came where I did hear of her, but cannot find her.

SHYLOCK	Why, there, there, there, there! a diamond gone,
	cost me two thousand ducats in Frankfort! The curse
	never fell upon our nation till now; I never felt it
	till now: two thousand ducats in that; and other
	precious, precious jewels. I would my daughter
	were dead at my foot, and the jewels in her ear!
	would she were hearsed at my foot, and the ducats in
	her coffin! No news of them? Why, so: and I know
	not what's spent in the search: why, thou loss upon
	loss! the thief gone with so much, and so much to
	find the thief; and no satisfaction, no revenge:
	nor no in luck stirring but what lights on my
	shoulders; no sighs but of my breathing; no tears
	but of my shedding.

TUBAL	Yes, other men have ill luck too: Antonio, as I
	heard in Genoa,--

SHYLOCK	What, what, what? ill luck, ill luck?

TUBAL	Hath an argosy cast away, coming from Tripolis.

SHYLOCK	I thank God, I thank God. Is't true, is't true?

TUBAL	I spoke with some of the sailors that escaped the wreck.

SHYLOCK	I thank thee, good Tubal: good news, good news!
	ha, ha! where? in Genoa?

TUBAL	Your daughter spent in Genoa, as I heard, in one
	night fourscore ducats.

SHYLOCK	Thou stickest a dagger in me: I shall never see my
	gold again: fourscore ducats at a sitting!
	fourscore ducats!

TUBAL	There came divers of Antonio's creditors in my
	company to Venice, that swear he cannot choose but break.

SHYLOCK	I am very glad of it: I'll plague him; I'll torture
	him: I am glad of it.

TUBAL	One of them showed me a ring that he had of your
	daughter for a monkey.

SHYLOCK	Out upon her! Thou torturest me, Tubal: it was my
	turquoise; I had it of Leah when I was a bachelor:
	I would not have given it for a wilderness of monkeys.

TUBAL	But Antonio is certainly undone.

SHYLOCK	Nay, that's true, that's very true. Go, Tubal, fee
	me an officer; bespeak him a fortnight before. I
	will have the heart of him, if he forfeit; for, were
	he out of Venice, I can make what merchandise I
	will. Go, go, Tubal, and meet me at our synagogue;
	go, good Tubal; at our synagogue, Tubal.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT III



SCENE II	Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house.


	[Enter BASSANIO, PORTIA, GRATIANO, NERISSA, and
	Attendants]

PORTIA	I pray you, tarry: pause a day or two
	Before you hazard; for, in choosing wrong,
	I lose your company: therefore forbear awhile.
	There's something tells me, but it is not love,
	I would not lose you; and you know yourself,
	Hate counsels not in such a quality.
	But lest you should not understand me well,--
	And yet a maiden hath no tongue but thought,--
	I would detain you here some month or two
	Before you venture for me. I could teach you
	How to choose right, but I am then forsworn;
	So will I never be: so may you miss me;
	But if you do, you'll make me wish a sin,
	That I had been forsworn. Beshrew your eyes,
	They have o'erlook'd me and divided me;
	One half of me is yours, the other half yours,
	Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,
	And so all yours. O, these naughty times
	Put bars between the owners and their rights!
	And so, though yours, not yours. Prove it so,
	Let fortune go to hell for it, not I.
	I speak too long; but 'tis to peize the time,
	To eke it and to draw it out in length,
	To stay you from election.

BASSANIO	Let me choose
	For as I am, I live upon the rack.

PORTIA	Upon the rack, Bassanio! then confess
	What treason there is mingled with your love.

BASSANIO	None but that ugly treason of mistrust,
	Which makes me fear the enjoying of my love:
	There may as well be amity and life
	'Tween snow and fire, as treason and my love.

PORTIA	Ay, but I fear you speak upon the rack,
	Where men enforced do speak anything.

BASSANIO	Promise me life, and I'll confess the truth.

PORTIA	Well then, confess and live.

BASSANIO	'Confess' and 'love'
	Had been the very sum of my confession:
	O happy torment, when my torturer
	Doth teach me answers for deliverance!
	But let me to my fortune and the caskets.

PORTIA	Away, then! I am lock'd in one of them:
	If you do love me, you will find me out.
	Nerissa and the rest, stand all aloof.
	Let music sound while he doth make his choice;
	Then, if he lose, he makes a swan-like end,
	Fading in music: that the comparison
	May stand more proper, my eye shall be the stream
	And watery death-bed for him. He may win;
	And what is music then? Then music is
	Even as the flourish when true subjects bow
	To a new-crowned monarch: such it is
	As are those dulcet sounds in break of day
	That creep into the dreaming bridegroom's ear,
	And summon him to marriage. Now he goes,
	With no less presence, but with much more love,
	Than young Alcides, when he did redeem
	The virgin tribute paid by howling Troy
	To the sea-monster: I stand for sacrifice
	The rest aloof are the Dardanian wives,
	With bleared visages, come forth to view
	The issue of the exploit. Go, Hercules!
	Live thou, I live: with much, much more dismay
	I view the fight than thou that makest the fray.

	[Music, whilst BASSANIO comments on the caskets to himself]
	
	SONG.
	Tell me where is fancy bred,
	Or in the heart, or in the head?
	How begot, how nourished?
	Reply, reply.
	It is engender'd in the eyes,
	With gazing fed; and fancy dies
	In the cradle where it lies.
	Let us all ring fancy's knell
	I'll begin it,--Ding, dong, bell.

ALL	Ding, dong, bell.

BASSANIO	So may the outward shows be least themselves:
	The world is still deceived with ornament.
	In law, what plea so tainted and corrupt,
	But, being seasoned with a gracious voice,
	Obscures the show of evil? In religion,
	What damned error, but some sober brow
	Will bless it and approve it with a text,
	Hiding the grossness with fair ornament?
	There is no vice so simple but assumes
	Some mark of virtue on his outward parts:
	How many cowards, whose hearts are all as false
	As stairs of sand, wear yet upon their chins
	The beards of Hercules and frowning Mars;
	Who, inward search'd, have livers white as milk;
	And these assume but valour's excrement
	To render them redoubted! Look on beauty,
	And you shall see 'tis purchased by the weight;
	Which therein works a miracle in nature,
	Making them lightest that wear most of it:
	So are those crisped snaky golden locks
	Which make such wanton gambols with the wind,
	Upon supposed fairness, often known
	To be the dowry of a second head,
	The skull that bred them in the sepulchre.
	Thus ornament is but the guiled shore
	To a most dangerous sea; the beauteous scarf
	Veiling an Indian beauty; in a word,
	The seeming truth which cunning times put on
	To entrap the wisest. Therefore, thou gaudy gold,
	Hard food for Midas, I will none of thee;
	Nor none of thee, thou pale and common drudge
	'Tween man and man: but thou, thou meagre lead,
	Which rather threatenest than dost promise aught,
	Thy paleness moves me more than eloquence;
	And here choose I; joy be the consequence!

PORTIA	[Aside]  How all the other passions fleet to air,
	As doubtful thoughts, and rash-embraced despair,
	And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealousy! O love,
	Be moderate; allay thy ecstasy,
	In measure rein thy joy; scant this excess.
	I feel too much thy blessing: make it less,
	For fear I surfeit.

BASSANIO	What find I here?

	[Opening the leaden casket]

	Fair Portia's counterfeit! What demi-god
	Hath come so near creation? Move these eyes?
	Or whether, riding on the balls of mine,
	Seem they in motion? Here are sever'd lips,
	Parted with sugar breath: so sweet a bar
	Should sunder such sweet friends. Here in her hairs
	The painter plays the spider and hath woven
	A golden mesh to entrap the hearts of men,
	Faster than gnats in cobwebs; but her eyes,--
	How could he see to do them? having made one,
	Methinks it should have power to steal both his
	And leave itself unfurnish'd. Yet look, how far
	The substance of my praise doth wrong this shadow
	In underprizing it, so far this shadow
	Doth limp behind the substance. Here's the scroll,
	The continent and summary of my fortune.

	[Reads]

	You that choose not by the view,
	Chance as fair and choose as true!
	Since this fortune falls to you,
	Be content and seek no new,
	If you be well pleased with this
	And hold your fortune for your bliss,
	Turn you where your lady is
	And claim her with a loving kiss.
	A gentle scroll. Fair lady, by your leave;
	I come by note, to give and to receive.
	Like one of two contending in a prize,
	That thinks he hath done well in people's eyes,
	Hearing applause and universal shout,
	Giddy in spirit, still gazing in a doubt
	Whether these pearls of praise be his or no;
	So, thrice fair lady, stand I, even so;
	As doubtful whether what I see be true,
	Until confirm'd, sign'd, ratified by you.

PORTIA	You see me, Lord Bassanio, where I stand,
	Such as I am: though for myself alone
	I would not be ambitious in my wish,
	To wish myself much better; yet, for you
	I would be trebled twenty times myself;
	A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times more rich;
	That only to stand high in your account,
	I might in virtue, beauties, livings, friends,
	Exceed account; but the full sum of me
	Is sum of something, which, to term in gross,
	Is an unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractised;
	Happy in this, she is not yet so old
	But she may learn; happier than this,
	She is not bred so dull but she can learn;
	Happiest of all is that her gentle spirit
	Commits itself to yours to be directed,
	As from her lord, her governor, her king.
	Myself and what is mine to you and yours
	Is now converted: but now I was the lord
	Of this fair mansion, master of my servants,
	Queen o'er myself: and even now, but now,
	This house, these servants and this same myself
	Are yours, my lord: I give them with this ring;
	Which when you part from, lose, or give away,
	Let it presage the ruin of your love
	And be my vantage to exclaim on you.

BASSANIO	Madam, you have bereft me of all words,
	Only my blood speaks to you in my veins;
	And there is such confusion in my powers,
	As after some oration fairly spoke
	By a beloved prince, there doth appear
	Among the buzzing pleased multitude;
	Where every something, being blent together,
	Turns to a wild of nothing, save of joy,
	Express'd and not express'd. But when this ring
	Parts from this finger, then parts life from hence:
	O, then be bold to say Bassanio's dead!

NERISSA	My lord and lady, it is now our time,
	That have stood by and seen our wishes prosper,
	To cry, good joy: good joy, my lord and lady!

GRATIANO	My lord Bassanio and my gentle lady,
	I wish you all the joy that you can wish;
	For I am sure you can wish none from me:
	And when your honours mean to solemnize
	The bargain of your faith, I do beseech you,
	Even at that time I may be married too.

BASSANIO	With all my heart, so thou canst get a wife.

GRATIANO	I thank your lordship, you have got me one.
	My eyes, my lord, can look as swift as yours:
	You saw the mistress, I beheld the maid;
	You loved, I loved for intermission.
	No more pertains to me, my lord, than you.
	Your fortune stood upon the casket there,
	And so did mine too, as the matter falls;
	For wooing here until I sweat again,
	And sweating until my very roof was dry
	With oaths of love, at last, if promise last,
	I got a promise of this fair one here
	To have her love, provided that your fortune
	Achieved her mistress.

PORTIA	Is this true, Nerissa?

NERISSA	Madam, it is, so you stand pleased withal.

BASSANIO	And do you, Gratiano, mean good faith?

GRATIANO	Yes, faith, my lord.

BASSANIO	Our feast shall be much honour'd in your marriage.

GRATIANO	We'll play with them the first boy for a thousand ducats.

NERISSA	What, and stake down?

GRATIANO	No; we shall ne'er win at that sport, and stake down.
	But who comes here? Lorenzo and his infidel? What,
	and my old Venetian friend Salerio?

	[Enter LORENZO, JESSICA, and SALERIO, a Messenger
	from Venice]

BASSANIO	Lorenzo and Salerio, welcome hither;
	If that the youth of my new interest here
	Have power to bid you welcome. By your leave,
	I bid my very friends and countrymen,
	Sweet Portia, welcome.

PORTIA	So do I, my lord:
	They are entirely welcome.

LORENZO	I thank your honour. For my part, my lord,
	My purpose was not to have seen you here;
	But meeting with Salerio by the way,
	He did entreat me, past all saying nay,
	To come with him along.

SALERIO	I did, my lord;
	And I have reason for it. Signior Antonio
	Commends him to you.

	[Gives Bassanio a letter]

BASSANIO	Ere I ope his letter,
	I pray you, tell me how my good friend doth.

SALERIO	Not sick, my lord, unless it be in mind;
	Nor well, unless in mind: his letter there
	Will show you his estate.

GRATIANO	Nerissa, cheer yon stranger; bid her welcome.
	Your hand, Salerio: what's the news from Venice?
	How doth that royal merchant, good Antonio?
	I know he will be glad of our success;
	We are the Jasons, we have won the fleece.

SALERIO	I would you had won the fleece that he hath lost.

PORTIA	There are some shrewd contents in yon same paper,
	That steals the colour from Bassanio's cheek:
	Some dear friend dead; else nothing in the world
	Could turn so much the constitution
	Of any constant man. What, worse and worse!
	With leave, Bassanio: I am half yourself,
	And I must freely have the half of anything
	That this same paper brings you.

BASSANIO	O sweet Portia,
	Here are a few of the unpleasant'st words
	That ever blotted paper! Gentle lady,
	When I did first impart my love to you,
	I freely told you, all the wealth I had
	Ran in my veins, I was a gentleman;
	And then I told you true: and yet, dear lady,
	Rating myself at nothing, you shall see
	How much I was a braggart. When I told you
	My state was nothing, I should then have told you
	That I was worse than nothing; for, indeed,
	I have engaged myself to a dear friend,
	Engaged my friend to his mere enemy,
	To feed my means. Here is a letter, lady;
	The paper as the body of my friend,
	And every word in it a gaping wound,
	Issuing life-blood. But is it true, Salerio?
	Have all his ventures fail'd? What, not one hit?
	From Tripolis, from Mexico and England,
	From Lisbon, Barbary and India?
	And not one vessel 'scape the dreadful touch
	Of merchant-marring rocks?

SALERIO	Not one, my lord.
	Besides, it should appear, that if he had
	The present money to discharge the Jew,
	He would not take it. Never did I know
	A creature, that did bear the shape of man,
	So keen and greedy to confound a man:
	He plies the duke at morning and at night,
	And doth impeach the freedom of the state,
	If they deny him justice: twenty merchants,
	The duke himself, and the magnificoes
	Of greatest port, have all persuaded with him;
	But none can drive him from the envious plea
	Of forfeiture, of justice and his bond.

JESSICA	When I was with him I have heard him swear
	To Tubal and to Chus, his countrymen,
	That he would rather have Antonio's flesh
	Than twenty times the value of the sum
	That he did owe him: and I know, my lord,
	If law, authority and power deny not,
	It will go hard with poor Antonio.

PORTIA	Is it your dear friend that is thus in trouble?

BASSANIO	The dearest friend to me, the kindest man,
	The best-condition'd and unwearied spirit
	In doing courtesies, and one in whom
	The ancient Roman honour more appears
	Than any that draws breath in Italy.

PORTIA	What sum owes he the Jew?

BASSANIO	For me three thousand ducats.

PORTIA	What, no more?
	Pay him six thousand, and deface the bond;
	Double six thousand, and then treble that,
	Before a friend of this description
	Shall lose a hair through Bassanio's fault.
	First go with me to church and call me wife,
	And then away to Venice to your friend;
	For never shall you lie by Portia's side
	With an unquiet soul. You shall have gold
	To pay the petty debt twenty times over:
	When it is paid, bring your true friend along.
	My maid Nerissa and myself meantime
	Will live as maids and widows. Come, away!
	For you shall hence upon your wedding-day:
	Bid your friends welcome, show a merry cheer:
	Since you are dear bought, I will love you dear.
	But let me hear the letter of your friend.

BASSANIO	[Reads]  Sweet Bassanio, my ships have all
	miscarried, my creditors grow cruel, my estate is
	very low, my bond to the Jew is forfeit; and since
	in paying it, it is impossible I should live, all
	debts are cleared between you and I, if I might but
	see you at my death. Notwithstanding, use your
	pleasure: if your love do not persuade you to come,
	let not my letter.

PORTIA	O love, dispatch all business, and be gone!

BASSANIO	Since I have your good leave to go away,
	I will make haste: but, till I come again,
	No bed shall e'er be guilty of my stay,
	No rest be interposer 'twixt us twain.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT III



SCENE III	Venice. A street.


	[Enter SHYLOCK, SALARINO, ANTONIO, and Gaoler]

SHYLOCK	Gaoler, look to him: tell not me of mercy;
	This is the fool that lent out money gratis:
	Gaoler, look to him.

ANTONIO	Hear me yet, good Shylock.

SHYLOCK	I'll have my bond; speak not against my bond:
	I have sworn an oath that I will have my bond.
	Thou call'dst me dog before thou hadst a cause;
	But, since I am a dog, beware my fangs:
	The duke shall grant me justice. I do wonder,
	Thou naughty gaoler, that thou art so fond
	To come abroad with him at his request.

ANTONIO	I pray thee, hear me speak.

SHYLOCK	I'll have my bond; I will not hear thee speak:
	I'll have my bond; and therefore speak no more.
	I'll not be made a soft and dull-eyed fool,
	To shake the head, relent, and sigh, and yield
	To Christian intercessors. Follow not;
	I'll have no speaking: I will have my bond.

	[Exit]

SALARINO	It is the most impenetrable cur
	That ever kept with men.

ANTONIO	Let him alone:
	I'll follow him no more with bootless prayers.
	He seeks my life; his reason well I know:
	I oft deliver'd from his forfeitures
	Many that have at times made moan to me;
	Therefore he hates me.

SALARINO	I am sure the duke
	Will never grant this forfeiture to hold.

ANTONIO	The duke cannot deny the course of law:
	For the commodity that strangers have
	With us in Venice, if it be denied,
	Will much impeach the justice of his state;
	Since that the trade and profit of the city
	Consisteth of all nations. Therefore, go:
	These griefs and losses have so bated me,
	That I shall hardly spare a pound of flesh
	To-morrow to my bloody creditor.
	Well, gaoler, on. Pray God, Bassanio come
	To see me pay his debt, and then I care not!

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT III



SCENE IV	Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house.


	[Enter PORTIA, NERISSA, LORENZO, JESSICA, and
	BALTHASAR]

LORENZO	Madam, although I speak it in your presence,
	You have a noble and a true conceit
	Of godlike amity; which appears most strongly
	In bearing thus the absence of your lord.
	But if you knew to whom you show this honour,
	How true a gentleman you send relief,
	How dear a lover of my lord your husband,
	I know you would be prouder of the work
	Than customary bounty can enforce you.

PORTIA	I never did repent for doing good,
	Nor shall not now: for in companions
	That do converse and waste the time together,
	Whose souls do bear an equal yoke Of love,
	There must be needs a like proportion
	Of lineaments, of manners and of spirit;
	Which makes me think that this Antonio,
	Being the bosom lover of my lord,
	Must needs be like my lord. If it be so,
	How little is the cost I have bestow'd
	In purchasing the semblance of my soul
	From out the state of hellish misery!
	This comes too near the praising of myself;
	Therefore no more of it: hear other things.
	Lorenzo, I commit into your hands
	The husbandry and manage of my house
	Until my lord's return: for mine own part,
	I have toward heaven breathed a secret vow
	To live in prayer and contemplation,
	Only attended by Nerissa here,
	Until her husband and my lord's return:
	There is a monastery two miles off;
	And there will we abide. I do desire you
	Not to deny this imposition;
	The which my love and some necessity
	Now lays upon you.

LORENZO	                  Madam, with all my heart;
	I shall obey you in all fair commands.

PORTIA	My people do already know my mind,
	And will acknowledge you and Jessica
	In place of Lord Bassanio and myself.
	And so farewell, till we shall meet again.

LORENZO	Fair thoughts and happy hours attend on you!

JESSICA	I wish your ladyship all heart's content.

PORTIA	I thank you for your wish, and am well pleased
	To wish it back on you: fare you well Jessica.

	[Exeunt JESSICA and LORENZO]

	Now, Balthasar,
	As I have ever found thee honest-true,
	So let me find thee still. Take this same letter,
	And use thou all the endeavour of a man
	In speed to Padua: see thou render this
	Into my cousin's hand, Doctor Bellario;
	And, look, what notes and garments he doth give thee,
	Bring them, I pray thee, with imagined speed
	Unto the tranect, to the common ferry
	Which trades to Venice. Waste no time in words,
	But get thee gone: I shall be there before thee.

BALTHASAR	Madam, I go with all convenient speed.

	[Exit]

PORTIA	Come on, Nerissa; I have work in hand
	That you yet know not of: we'll see our husbands
	Before they think of us.

NERISSA	Shall they see us?

PORTIA	They shall, Nerissa; but in such a habit,
	That they shall think we are accomplished
	With that we lack. I'll hold thee any wager,
	When we are both accoutred like young men,
	I'll prove the prettier fellow of the two,
	And wear my dagger with the braver grace,
	And speak between the change of man and boy
	With a reed voice, and turn two mincing steps
	Into a manly stride, and speak of frays
	Like a fine bragging youth, and tell quaint lies,
	How honourable ladies sought my love,
	Which I denying, they fell sick and died;
	I could not do withal; then I'll repent,
	And wish for all that, that I had not killed them;
	And twenty of these puny lies I'll tell,
	That men shall swear I have discontinued school
	Above a twelvemonth. I have within my mind
	A thousand raw tricks of these bragging Jacks,
	Which I will practise.

NERISSA	Why, shall we turn to men?

PORTIA	Fie, what a question's that,
	If thou wert near a lewd interpreter!
	But come, I'll tell thee all my whole device
	When I am in my coach, which stays for us
	At the park gate; and therefore haste away,
	For we must measure twenty miles to-day.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT III



SCENE V	The same. A garden.


	[Enter LAUNCELOT and JESSICA]

LAUNCELOT	Yes, truly; for, look you, the sins of the father
	are to be laid upon the children: therefore, I
	promise ye, I fear you. I was always plain with
	you, and so now I speak my agitation of the matter:
	therefore be of good cheer, for truly I think you
	are damned. There is but one hope in it that can do
	you any good; and that is but a kind of bastard
	hope neither.

JESSICA	And what hope is that, I pray thee?

LAUNCELOT	Marry, you may partly hope that your father got you
	not, that you are not the Jew's daughter.

JESSICA	That were a kind of bastard hope, indeed: so the
	sins of my mother should be visited upon me.

LAUNCELOT	Truly then I fear you are damned both by father and
	mother: thus when I shun Scylla, your father, I
	fall into Charybdis, your mother: well, you are
	gone both ways.

JESSICA	I shall be saved by my husband; he hath made me a
	Christian.

LAUNCELOT	Truly, the more to blame he: we were Christians
	enow before; e'en as many as could well live, one by
	another. This making Christians will raise the
	price of hogs: if we grow all to be pork-eaters, we
	shall not shortly have a rasher on the coals for money.

	[Enter LORENZO]

JESSICA	I'll tell my husband, Launcelot, what you say: here he comes.

LORENZO	I shall grow jealous of you shortly, Launcelot, if
	you thus get my wife into corners.

JESSICA	Nay, you need not fear us, Lorenzo: Launcelot and I
	are out. He tells me flatly, there is no mercy for
	me in heaven, because I am a Jew's daughter: and he
	says, you are no good member of the commonwealth,
	for in converting Jews to Christians, you raise the
	price of pork.

LORENZO	I shall answer that better to the commonwealth than
	you can the getting up of the negro's belly: the
	Moor is with child by you, Launcelot.

LAUNCELOT	It is much that the Moor should be more than reason:
	but if she be less than an honest woman, she is
	indeed more than I took her for.

LORENZO	How every fool can play upon the word! I think the
	best grace of wit will shortly turn into silence,
	and discourse grow commendable in none only but
	parrots. Go in, sirrah; bid them prepare for dinner.

LAUNCELOT	That is done, sir; they have all stomachs.

LORENZO	Goodly Lord, what a wit-snapper are you! then bid
	them prepare dinner.

LAUNCELOT	That is done too, sir; only 'cover' is the word.

LORENZO	Will you cover then, sir?

LAUNCELOT	Not so, sir, neither; I know my duty.

LORENZO	Yet more quarrelling with occasion! Wilt thou show
	the whole wealth of thy wit in an instant? I pray
	tree, understand a plain man in his plain meaning:
	go to thy fellows; bid them cover the table, serve
	in the meat, and we will come in to dinner.

LAUNCELOT	For the table, sir, it shall be served in; for the
	meat, sir, it shall be covered; for your coming in
	to dinner, sir, why, let it be as humours and
	conceits shall govern.

	[Exit]

LORENZO	O dear discretion, how his words are suited!
	The fool hath planted in his memory
	An army of good words; and I do know
	A many fools, that stand in better place,
	Garnish'd like him, that for a tricksy word
	Defy the matter. How cheerest thou, Jessica?
	And now, good sweet, say thy opinion,
	How dost thou like the Lord Bassanio's wife?

JESSICA	Past all expressing. It is very meet
	The Lord Bassanio live an upright life;
	For, having such a blessing in his lady,
	He finds the joys of heaven here on earth;
	And if on earth he do not mean it, then
	In reason he should never come to heaven
	Why, if two gods should play some heavenly match
	And on the wager lay two earthly women,
	And Portia one, there must be something else
	Pawn'd with the other, for the poor rude world
	Hath not her fellow.

LORENZO	Even such a husband
	Hast thou of me as she is for a wife.

JESSICA	Nay, but ask my opinion too of that.

LORENZO	I will anon: first, let us go to dinner.

JESSICA	Nay, let me praise you while I have a stomach.

LORENZO	No, pray thee, let it serve for table-talk;
'	Then, howso'er thou speak'st, 'mong other things
	I shall digest it.

JESSICA	                  Well, I'll set you forth.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT IV



SCENE I	Venice. A court of justice.


	[Enter the DUKE, the Magnificoes, ANTONIO, BASSANIO,
	GRATIANO, SALERIO, and others]

DUKE	What, is Antonio here?

ANTONIO	Ready, so please your grace.

DUKE	I am sorry for thee: thou art come to answer
	A stony adversary, an inhuman wretch
	uncapable of pity, void and empty
	From any dram of mercy.

ANTONIO	I have heard
	Your grace hath ta'en great pains to qualify
	His rigorous course; but since he stands obdurate
	And that no lawful means can carry me
	Out of his envy's reach, I do oppose
	My patience to his fury, and am arm'd
	To suffer, with a quietness of spirit,
	The very tyranny and rage of his.

DUKE	Go one, and call the Jew into the court.

SALERIO	He is ready at the door: he comes, my lord.

	[Enter SHYLOCK]

DUKE	Make room, and let him stand before our face.
	Shylock, the world thinks, and I think so too,
	That thou but lead'st this fashion of thy malice
	To the last hour of act; and then 'tis thought
	Thou'lt show thy mercy and remorse more strange
	Than is thy strange apparent cruelty;
	And where thou now exact'st the penalty,
	Which is a pound of this poor merchant's flesh,
	Thou wilt not only loose the forfeiture,
	But, touch'd with human gentleness and love,
	Forgive a moiety of the principal;
	Glancing an eye of pity on his losses,
	That have of late so huddled on his back,
	Enow to press a royal merchant down
	And pluck commiseration of his state
	From brassy bosoms and rough hearts of flint,
	From stubborn Turks and Tartars, never train'd
	To offices of tender courtesy.
	We all expect a gentle answer, Jew.

SHYLOCK	I have possess'd your grace of what I purpose;
	And by our holy Sabbath have I sworn
	To have the due and forfeit of my bond:
	If you deny it, let the danger light
	Upon your charter and your city's freedom.
	You'll ask me, why I rather choose to have
	A weight of carrion flesh than to receive
	Three thousand ducats: I'll not answer that:
	But, say, it is my humour: is it answer'd?
	What if my house be troubled with a rat
	And I be pleased to give ten thousand ducats
	To have it baned? What, are you answer'd yet?
	Some men there are love not a gaping pig;
	Some, that are mad if they behold a cat;
	And others, when the bagpipe sings i' the nose,
	Cannot contain their urine: for affection,
	Mistress of passion, sways it to the mood
	Of what it likes or loathes. Now, for your answer:
	As there is no firm reason to be render'd,
	Why he cannot abide a gaping pig;
	Why he, a harmless necessary cat;
	Why he, a woollen bagpipe; but of force
	Must yield to such inevitable shame
	As to offend, himself being offended;
	So can I give no reason, nor I will not,
	More than a lodged hate and a certain loathing
	I bear Antonio, that I follow thus
	A losing suit against him. Are you answer'd?

BASSANIO	This is no answer, thou unfeeling man,
	To excuse the current of thy cruelty.

SHYLOCK	I am not bound to please thee with my answers.

BASSANIO	Do all men kill the things they do not love?

SHYLOCK	Hates any man the thing he would not kill?

BASSANIO	Every offence is not a hate at first.

SHYLOCK	What, wouldst thou have a serpent sting thee twice?

ANTONIO	I pray you, think you question with the Jew:
	You may as well go stand upon the beach
	And bid the main flood bate his usual height;
	You may as well use question with the wolf
	Why he hath made the ewe bleat for the lamb;
	You may as well forbid the mountain pines
	To wag their high tops and to make no noise,
	When they are fretten with the gusts of heaven;
	You may as well do anything most hard,
	As seek to soften that--than which what's harder?--
	His Jewish heart: therefore, I do beseech you,
	Make no more offers, use no farther means,
	But with all brief and plain conveniency
	Let me have judgment and the Jew his will.

BASSANIO	For thy three thousand ducats here is six.

SHYLOCK	What judgment shall I dread, doing
	Were in six parts and every part a ducat,
	I would not draw them; I would have my bond.

DUKE	How shalt thou hope for mercy, rendering none?

SHYLOCK	What judgment shall I dread, doing no wrong?
	You have among you many a purchased slave,
	Which, like your asses and your dogs and mules,
	You use in abject and in slavish parts,
	Because you bought them: shall I say to you,
	Let them be free, marry them to your heirs?
	Why sweat they under burthens? let their beds
	Be made as soft as yours and let their palates
	Be season'd with such viands? You will answer
	'The slaves are ours:' so do I answer you:
	The pound of flesh, which I demand of him,
	Is dearly bought; 'tis mine and I will have it.
	If you deny me, fie upon your law!
	There is no force in the decrees of Venice.
	I stand for judgment: answer; shall I have it?

DUKE	Upon my power I may dismiss this court,
	Unless Bellario, a learned doctor,
	Whom I have sent for to determine this,
	Come here to-day.

SALERIO	                  My lord, here stays without
	A messenger with letters from the doctor,
	New come from Padua.

DUKE	Bring us the letter; call the messenger.

BASSANIO	Good cheer, Antonio! What, man, courage yet!
	The Jew shall have my flesh, blood, bones and all,
	Ere thou shalt lose for me one drop of blood.

ANTONIO	I am a tainted wether of the flock,
	Meetest for death: the weakest kind of fruit
	Drops earliest to the ground; and so let me
	You cannot better be employ'd, Bassanio,
	Than to live still and write mine epitaph.

	[Enter NERISSA, dressed like a lawyer's clerk]

DUKE	Came you from Padua, from Bellario?

NERISSA	From both, my lord. Bellario greets your grace.

	[Presenting a letter]

BASSANIO	Why dost thou whet thy knife so earnestly?

SHYLOCK	To cut the forfeiture from that bankrupt there.

GRATIANO	Not on thy sole, but on thy soul, harsh Jew,
	Thou makest thy knife keen; but no metal can,
	No, not the hangman's axe, bear half the keenness
	Of thy sharp envy. Can no prayers pierce thee?

SHYLOCK	No, none that thou hast wit enough to make.

GRATIANO	O, be thou damn'd, inexecrable dog!
	And for thy life let justice be accused.
	Thou almost makest me waver in my faith
	To hold opinion with Pythagoras,
	That souls of animals infuse themselves
	Into the trunks of men: thy currish spirit
	Govern'd a wolf, who, hang'd for human slaughter,
	Even from the gallows did his fell soul fleet,
	And, whilst thou lay'st in thy unhallow'd dam,
	Infused itself in thee; for thy desires
	Are wolvish, bloody, starved and ravenous.

SHYLOCK	Till thou canst rail the seal from off my bond,
	Thou but offend'st thy lungs to speak so loud:
	Repair thy wit, good youth, or it will fall
	To cureless ruin. I stand here for law.

DUKE	This letter from Bellario doth commend
	A young and learned doctor to our court.
	Where is he?

NERISSA	                  He attendeth here hard by,
	To know your answer, whether you'll admit him.

DUKE	With all my heart. Some three or four of you
	Go give him courteous conduct to this place.
	Meantime the court shall hear Bellario's letter.

Clerk	[Reads]

	Your grace shall understand that at the receipt of
	your letter I am very sick: but in the instant that
	your messenger came, in loving visitation was with
	me a young doctor of Rome; his name is Balthasar. I
	acquainted him with the cause in controversy between
	the Jew and Antonio the merchant: we turned o'er
	many books together: he is furnished with my
	opinion; which, bettered with his own learning, the
	greatness whereof I cannot enough commend, comes
	with him, at my importunity, to fill up your grace's
	request in my stead. I beseech you, let his lack of
	years be no impediment to let him lack a reverend
	estimation; for I never knew so young a body with so
	old a head. I leave him to your gracious
	acceptance, whose trial shall better publish his
	commendation.

DUKE	You hear the learn'd Bellario, what he writes:
	And here, I take it, is the doctor come.

	[Enter PORTIA, dressed like a doctor of laws]

	Give me your hand. Come you from old Bellario?

PORTIA	I did, my lord.

DUKE	                  You are welcome: take your place.
	Are you acquainted with the difference
	That holds this present question in the court?

PORTIA	I am informed thoroughly of the cause.
	Which is the merchant here, and which the Jew?

DUKE	Antonio and old Shylock, both stand forth.

PORTIA	Is your name Shylock?

SHYLOCK	Shylock is my name.

PORTIA	Of a strange nature is the suit you follow;
	Yet in such rule that the Venetian law
	Cannot impugn you as you do proceed.
	You stand within his danger, do you not?

ANTONIO	Ay, so he says.

PORTIA	                  Do you confess the bond?

ANTONIO	I do.

PORTIA	    Then must the Jew be merciful.

SHYLOCK	On what compulsion must I? tell me that.

PORTIA	The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
	It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
	Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
	It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
	'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
	The throned monarch better than his crown;
	His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
	The attribute to awe and majesty,
	Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
	But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
	It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
	It is an attribute to God himself;
	And earthly power doth then show likest God's
	When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
	Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
	That, in the course of justice, none of us
	Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
	And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
	The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
	To mitigate the justice of thy plea;
	Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
	Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there.

SHYLOCK	My deeds upon my head! I crave the law,
	The penalty and forfeit of my bond.

PORTIA	Is he not able to discharge the money?

BASSANIO	Yes, here I tender it for him in the court;
	Yea, twice the sum: if that will not suffice,
	I will be bound to pay it ten times o'er,
	On forfeit of my hands, my head, my heart:
	If this will not suffice, it must appear
	That malice bears down truth. And I beseech you,
	Wrest once the law to your authority:
	To do a great right, do a little wrong,
	And curb this cruel devil of his will.

PORTIA	It must not be; there is no power in Venice
	Can alter a decree established:
	'Twill be recorded for a precedent,
	And many an error by the same example
	Will rush into the state: it cannot be.

SHYLOCK	A Daniel come to judgment! yea, a Daniel!
	O wise young judge, how I do honour thee!

PORTIA	I pray you, let me look upon the bond.

SHYLOCK	Here 'tis, most reverend doctor, here it is.

PORTIA	Shylock, there's thrice thy money offer'd thee.

SHYLOCK	An oath, an oath, I have an oath in heaven:
	Shall I lay perjury upon my soul?
	No, not for Venice.

PORTIA	Why, this bond is forfeit;
	And lawfully by this the Jew may claim
	A pound of flesh, to be by him cut off
	Nearest the merchant's heart. Be merciful:
	Take thrice thy money; bid me tear the bond.

SHYLOCK	When it is paid according to the tenor.
	It doth appear you are a worthy judge;
	You know the law, your exposition
	Hath been most sound: I charge you by the law,
	Whereof you are a well-deserving pillar,
	Proceed to judgment: by my soul I swear
	There is no power in the tongue of man
	To alter me: I stay here on my bond.

ANTONIO	Most heartily I do beseech the court
	To give the judgment.

PORTIA	Why then, thus it is:
	You must prepare your bosom for his knife.

SHYLOCK	O noble judge! O excellent young man!

PORTIA	For the intent and purpose of the law
	Hath full relation to the penalty,
	Which here appeareth due upon the bond.

SHYLOCK	'Tis very true: O wise and upright judge!
	How much more elder art thou than thy looks!

PORTIA	Therefore lay bare your bosom.

SHYLOCK	Ay, his breast:
	So says the bond: doth it not, noble judge?
	'Nearest his heart:' those are the very words.

PORTIA	It is so. Are there balance here to weigh
	The flesh?

SHYLOCK	         I have them ready.

PORTIA	Have by some surgeon, Shylock, on your charge,
	To stop his wounds, lest he do bleed to death.

SHYLOCK	Is it so nominated in the bond?

PORTIA	It is not so express'd: but what of that?
	'Twere good you do so much for charity.

SHYLOCK	I cannot find it; 'tis not in the bond.

PORTIA	You, merchant, have you any thing to say?

ANTONIO	But little: I am arm'd and well prepared.
	Give me your hand, Bassanio: fare you well!
	Grieve not that I am fallen to this for you;
	For herein Fortune shows herself more kind
	Than is her custom: it is still her use
	To let the wretched man outlive his wealth,
	To view with hollow eye and wrinkled brow
	An age of poverty; from which lingering penance
	Of such misery doth she cut me off.
	Commend me to your honourable wife:
	Tell her the process of Antonio's end;
	Say how I loved you, speak me fair in death;
	And, when the tale is told, bid her be judge
	Whether Bassanio had not once a love.
	Repent but you that you shall lose your friend,
	And he repents not that he pays your debt;
	For if the Jew do cut but deep enough,
	I'll pay it presently with all my heart.

BASSANIO	Antonio, I am married to a wife
	Which is as dear to me as life itself;
	But life itself, my wife, and all the world,
	Are not with me esteem'd above thy life:
	I would lose all, ay, sacrifice them all
	Here to this devil, to deliver you.

PORTIA	Your wife would give you little thanks for that,
	If she were by, to hear you make the offer.

GRATIANO	I have a wife, whom, I protest, I love:
	I would she were in heaven, so she could
	Entreat some power to change this currish Jew.

NERISSA	'Tis well you offer it behind her back;
	The wish would make else an unquiet house.

SHYLOCK	These be the Christian husbands. I have a daughter;
	Would any of the stock of Barrabas
	Had been her husband rather than a Christian!

	[Aside]

	We trifle time: I pray thee, pursue sentence.

PORTIA	A pound of that same merchant's flesh is thine:
	The court awards it, and the law doth give it.

SHYLOCK	Most rightful judge!

PORTIA	And you must cut this flesh from off his breast:
	The law allows it, and the court awards it.

SHYLOCK	Most learned judge! A sentence! Come, prepare!

PORTIA	Tarry a little; there is something else.
	This bond doth give thee here no jot of blood;
	The words expressly are 'a pound of flesh:'
	Take then thy bond, take thou thy pound of flesh;
	But, in the cutting it, if thou dost shed
	One drop of Christian blood, thy lands and goods
	Are, by the laws of Venice, confiscate
	Unto the state of Venice.

GRATIANO	O upright judge! Mark, Jew: O learned judge!

SHYLOCK	Is that the law?

PORTIA	                  Thyself shalt see the act:
	For, as thou urgest justice, be assured
	Thou shalt have justice, more than thou desirest.

GRATIANO	O learned judge! Mark, Jew: a learned judge!

SHYLOCK	I take this offer, then; pay the bond thrice
	And let the Christian go.

BASSANIO	Here is the money.

PORTIA	Soft!
	The Jew shall have all justice; soft! no haste:
	He shall have nothing but the penalty.

GRATIANO	O Jew! an upright judge, a learned judge!

PORTIA	Therefore prepare thee to cut off the flesh.
	Shed thou no blood, nor cut thou less nor more
	But just a pound of flesh: if thou cut'st more
	Or less than a just pound, be it but so much
	As makes it light or heavy in the substance,
	Or the division of the twentieth part
	Of one poor scruple, nay, if the scale do turn
	But in the estimation of a hair,
	Thou diest and all thy goods are confiscate.

GRATIANO	A second Daniel, a Daniel, Jew!
	Now, infidel, I have you on the hip.

PORTIA	Why doth the Jew pause? take thy forfeiture.

SHYLOCK	Give me my principal, and let me go.

BASSANIO	I have it ready for thee; here it is.

PORTIA	He hath refused it in the open court:
	He shall have merely justice and his bond.

GRATIANO	A Daniel, still say I, a second Daniel!
	I thank thee, Jew, for teaching me that word.

SHYLOCK	Shall I not have barely my principal?

PORTIA	Thou shalt have nothing but the forfeiture,
	To be so taken at thy peril, Jew.

SHYLOCK	Why, then the devil give him good of it!
	I'll stay no longer question.

PORTIA	Tarry, Jew:
	The law hath yet another hold on you.
	It is enacted in the laws of Venice,
	If it be proved against an alien
	That by direct or indirect attempts
	He seek the life of any citizen,
	The party 'gainst the which he doth contrive
	Shall seize one half his goods; the other half
	Comes to the privy coffer of the state;
	And the offender's life lies in the mercy
	Of the duke only, 'gainst all other voice.
	In which predicament, I say, thou stand'st;
	For it appears, by manifest proceeding,
	That indirectly and directly too
	Thou hast contrived against the very life
	Of the defendant; and thou hast incurr'd
	The danger formerly by me rehearsed.
	Down therefore and beg mercy of the duke.

GRATIANO	Beg that thou mayst have leave to hang thyself:
	And yet, thy wealth being forfeit to the state,
	Thou hast not left the value of a cord;
	Therefore thou must be hang'd at the state's charge.

DUKE	That thou shalt see the difference of our spirits,
	I pardon thee thy life before thou ask it:
	For half thy wealth, it is Antonio's;
	The other half comes to the general state,
	Which humbleness may drive unto a fine.

PORTIA	Ay, for the state, not for Antonio.

SHYLOCK	Nay, take my life and all; pardon not that:
	You take my house when you do take the prop
	That doth sustain my house; you take my life
	When you do take the means whereby I live.

PORTIA	What mercy can you render him, Antonio?

GRATIANO	A halter gratis; nothing else, for God's sake.

ANTONIO	So please my lord the duke and all the court
	To quit the fine for one half of his goods,
	I am content; so he will let me have
	The other half in use, to render it,
	Upon his death, unto the gentleman
	That lately stole his daughter:
	Two things provided more, that, for this favour,
	He presently become a Christian;
	The other, that he do record a gift,
	Here in the court, of all he dies possess'd,
	Unto his son Lorenzo and his daughter.

DUKE	He shall do this, or else I do recant
	The pardon that I late pronounced here.

PORTIA	Art thou contented, Jew? what dost thou say?

SHYLOCK	I am content.

PORTIA	                  Clerk, draw a deed of gift.

SHYLOCK	I pray you, give me leave to go from hence;
	I am not well: send the deed after me,
	And I will sign it.

DUKE	Get thee gone, but do it.

GRATIANO	In christening shalt thou have two god-fathers:
	Had I been judge, thou shouldst have had ten more,
	To bring thee to the gallows, not the font.

	[Exit SHYLOCK]

DUKE	Sir, I entreat you home with me to dinner.

PORTIA	I humbly do desire your grace of pardon:
	I must away this night toward Padua,
	And it is meet I presently set forth.

DUKE	I am sorry that your leisure serves you not.
	Antonio, gratify this gentleman,
	For, in my mind, you are much bound to him.

	[Exeunt Duke and his train]

BASSANIO	Most worthy gentleman, I and my friend
	Have by your wisdom been this day acquitted
	Of grievous penalties; in lieu whereof,
	Three thousand ducats, due unto the Jew,
	We freely cope your courteous pains withal.

ANTONIO	And stand indebted, over and above,
	In love and service to you evermore.

PORTIA	He is well paid that is well satisfied;
	And I, delivering you, am satisfied
	And therein do account myself well paid:
	My mind was never yet more mercenary.
	I pray you, know me when we meet again:
	I wish you well, and so I take my leave.

BASSANIO	Dear sir, of force I must attempt you further:
	Take some remembrance of us, as a tribute,
	Not as a fee: grant me two things, I pray you,
	Not to deny me, and to pardon me.

PORTIA	You press me far, and therefore I will yield.

	[To ANTONIO]

	Give me your gloves, I'll wear them for your sake;

	[To BASSANIO]

	And, for your love, I'll take this ring from you:
	Do not draw back your hand; I'll take no more;
	And you in love shall not deny me this.

BASSANIO	This ring, good sir, alas, it is a trifle!
	I will not shame myself to give you this.

PORTIA	I will have nothing else but only this;
	And now methinks I have a mind to it.

BASSANIO	There's more depends on this than on the value.
	The dearest ring in Venice will I give you,
	And find it out by proclamation:
	Only for this, I pray you, pardon me.

PORTIA	I see, sir, you are liberal in offers
	You taught me first to beg; and now methinks
	You teach me how a beggar should be answer'd.

BASSANIO	Good sir, this ring was given me by my wife;
	And when she put it on, she made me vow
	That I should neither sell nor give nor lose it.

PORTIA	That 'scuse serves many men to save their gifts.
	An if your wife be not a mad-woman,
	And know how well I have deserved the ring,
	She would not hold out enemy for ever,
	For giving it to me. Well, peace be with you!

	[Exeunt Portia and Nerissa]

ANTONIO	My Lord Bassanio, let him have the ring:
	Let his deservings and my love withal
	Be valued against your wife's commandment.

BASSANIO	Go, Gratiano, run and overtake him;
	Give him the ring, and bring him, if thou canst,
	Unto Antonio's house: away! make haste.

	[Exit Gratiano]

	Come, you and I will thither presently;
	And in the morning early will we both
	Fly toward Belmont: come, Antonio.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT IV



SCENE II	The same. A street.


	[Enter PORTIA and NERISSA]

PORTIA	Inquire the Jew's house out, give him this deed
	And let him sign it: we'll away to-night
	And be a day before our husbands home:
	This deed will be well welcome to Lorenzo.

	[Enter GRATIANO]

GRATIANO	Fair sir, you are well o'erta'en
	My Lord Bassanio upon more advice
	Hath sent you here this ring, and doth entreat
	Your company at dinner.

PORTIA	That cannot be:
	His ring I do accept most thankfully:
	And so, I pray you, tell him: furthermore,
	I pray you, show my youth old Shylock's house.

GRATIANO	That will I do.

NERISSA	                  Sir, I would speak with you.

	[Aside to PORTIA]

	I'll see if I can get my husband's ring,
	Which I did make him swear to keep for ever.

PORTIA	[Aside to NERISSA]  Thou mayst, I warrant.
	We shall have old swearing
	That they did give the rings away to men;
	But we'll outface them, and outswear them too.

	[Aloud]

	Away! make haste: thou knowist where I will tarry.

NERISSA	Come, good sir, will you show me to this house?

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERCHANT OF VENICE


ACT V



SCENE I	Belmont. Avenue to PORTIA'S house.


	[Enter LORENZO and JESSICA]

LORENZO	The moon shines bright: in such a night as this,
	When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees
	And they did make no noise, in such a night
	Troilus methinks mounted the Troyan walls
	And sigh'd his soul toward the Grecian tents,
	Where Cressid lay that night.

JESSICA	In such a night
	Did Thisbe fearfully o'ertrip the dew
	And saw the lion's shadow ere himself
	And ran dismay'd away.

LORENZO	In such a night
	Stood Dido with a willow in her hand
	Upon the wild sea banks and waft her love
	To come again to Carthage.

JESSICA	In such a night
	Medea gather'd the enchanted herbs
	That did renew old AEson.

LORENZO	In such a night
	Did Jessica steal from the wealthy Jew
	And with an unthrift love did run from Venice
	As far as Belmont.

JESSICA	                  In such a night
	Did young Lorenzo swear he loved her well,
	Stealing her soul with many vows of faith
	And ne'er a true one.

LORENZO	In such a night
	Did pretty Jessica, like a little shrew,
	Slander her love, and he forgave it her.

JESSICA	I would out-night you, did no body come;
	But, hark, I hear the footing of a man.

	[Enter STEPHANO]

LORENZO	Who comes so fast in silence of the night?

STEPHANO	A friend.

LORENZO	A friend! what friend? your name, I pray you, friend?

STEPHANO	Stephano is my name; and I bring word
	My mistress will before the break of day
	Be here at Belmont; she doth stray about
	By holy crosses, where she kneels and prays
	For happy wedlock hours.

LORENZO	Who comes with her?

STEPHANO	None but a holy hermit and her maid.
	I pray you, is my master yet return'd?

LORENZO	He is not, nor we have not heard from him.
	But go we in, I pray thee, Jessica,
	And ceremoniously let us prepare
	Some welcome for the mistress of the house.

	[Enter LAUNCELOT]

LAUNCELOT	Sola, sola! wo ha, ho! sola, sola!

LORENZO	Who calls?

LAUNCELOT	Sola! did you see Master Lorenzo?
	Master Lorenzo, sola, sola!

LORENZO	Leave hollaing, man: here.

LAUNCELOT	Sola! where? where?

LORENZO	Here.

LAUNCELOT	Tell him there's a post come from my master, with
	his horn full of good news: my master will be here
	ere morning.

	[Exit]

LORENZO	Sweet soul, let's in, and there expect their coming.
	And yet no matter: why should we go in?
	My friend Stephano, signify, I pray you,
	Within the house, your mistress is at hand;
	And bring your music forth into the air.

	[Exit Stephano]

	How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank!
	Here will we sit and let the sounds of music
	Creep in our ears: soft stillness and the night
	Become the touches of sweet harmony.
	Sit, Jessica. Look how the floor of heaven
	Is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold:
	There's not the smallest orb which thou behold'st
	But in his motion like an angel sings,
	Still quiring to the young-eyed cherubins;
	Such harmony is in immortal souls;
	But whilst this muddy vesture of decay
	Doth grossly close it in, we cannot hear it.

	[Enter Musicians]

	Come, ho! and wake Diana with a hymn!
	With sweetest touches pierce your mistress' ear,
	And draw her home with music.

	[Music]

JESSICA	I am never merry when I hear sweet music.

LORENZO	The reason is, your spirits are attentive:
	For do but note a wild and wanton herd,
	Or race of youthful and unhandled colts,
	Fetching mad bounds, bellowing and neighing loud,
	Which is the hot condition of their blood;
	If they but hear perchance a trumpet sound,
	Or any air of music touch their ears,
	You shall perceive them make a mutual stand,
	Their savage eyes turn'd to a modest gaze
	By the sweet power of music: therefore the poet
	Did feign that Orpheus drew trees, stones and floods;
	Since nought so stockish, hard and full of rage,
	But music for the time doth change his nature.
	The man that hath no music in himself,
	Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
	Is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils;
	The motions of his spirit are dull as night
	And his affections dark as Erebus:
	Let no such man be trusted. Mark the music.

	[Enter PORTIA and NERISSA]

PORTIA	That light we see is burning in my hall.
	How far that little candle throws his beams!
	So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

NERISSA	When the moon shone, we did not see the candle.

PORTIA	So doth the greater glory dim the less:
	A substitute shines brightly as a king
	Unto the king be by, and then his state
	Empties itself, as doth an inland brook
	Into the main of waters. Music! hark!

NERISSA	It is your music, madam, of the house.

PORTIA	Nothing is good, I see, without respect:
	Methinks it sounds much sweeter than by day.

NERISSA	Silence bestows that virtue on it, madam.

PORTIA	The crow doth sing as sweetly as the lark,
	When neither is attended, and I think
	The nightingale, if she should sing by day,
	When every goose is cackling, would be thought
	No better a musician than the wren.
	How many things by season season'd are
	To their right praise and true perfection!
	Peace, ho! the moon sleeps with Endymion
	And would not be awaked.

	[Music ceases]

LORENZO	That is the voice,
	Or I am much deceived, of Portia.

PORTIA	He knows me as the blind man knows the cuckoo,
	By the bad voice.

LORENZO	                  Dear lady, welcome home.

PORTIA	We have been praying for our husbands' healths,
	Which speed, we hope, the better for our words.
	Are they return'd?

LORENZO	                  Madam, they are not yet;
	But there is come a messenger before,
	To signify their coming.

PORTIA	Go in, Nerissa;
	Give order to my servants that they take
	No note at all of our being absent hence;
	Nor you, Lorenzo; Jessica, nor you.

	[A tucket sounds]

LORENZO	Your husband is at hand; I hear his trumpet:
	We are no tell-tales, madam; fear you not.

PORTIA	This night methinks is but the daylight sick;
	It looks a little paler: 'tis a day,
	Such as the day is when the sun is hid.

	[Enter BASSANIO, ANTONIO, GRATIANO, and
	their followers]

BASSANIO	We should hold day with the Antipodes,
	If you would walk in absence of the sun.

PORTIA	Let me give light, but let me not be light;
	For a light wife doth make a heavy husband,
	And never be Bassanio so for me:
	But God sort all! You are welcome home, my lord.

BASSANIO	I thank you, madam. Give welcome to my friend.
	This is the man, this is Antonio,
	To whom I am so infinitely bound.

PORTIA	You should in all sense be much bound to him.
	For, as I hear, he was much bound for you.

ANTONIO	No more than I am well acquitted of.

PORTIA	Sir, you are very welcome to our house:
	It must appear in other ways than words,
	Therefore I scant this breathing courtesy.

GRATIANO	[To NERISSA]  By yonder moon I swear you do me wrong;
	In faith, I gave it to the judge's clerk:
	Would he were gelt that had it, for my part,
	Since you do take it, love, so much at heart.

PORTIA	A quarrel, ho, already! what's the matter?

GRATIANO	About a hoop of gold, a paltry ring
	That she did give me, whose posy was
	For all the world like cutler's poetry
	Upon a knife, 'Love me, and leave me not.'

NERISSA	What talk you of the posy or the value?
	You swore to me, when I did give it you,
	That you would wear it till your hour of death
	And that it should lie with you in your grave:
	Though not for me, yet for your vehement oaths,
	You should have been respective and have kept it.
	Gave it a judge's clerk! no, God's my judge,
	The clerk will ne'er wear hair on's face that had it.

GRATIANO	He will, an if he live to be a man.

NERISSA	Ay, if a woman live to be a man.

GRATIANO	Now, by this hand, I gave it to a youth,
	A kind of boy, a little scrubbed boy,
	No higher than thyself; the judge's clerk,
	A prating boy, that begg'd it as a fee:
	I could not for my heart deny it him.

PORTIA	You were to blame, I must be plain with you,
	To part so slightly with your wife's first gift:
	A thing stuck on with oaths upon your finger
	And so riveted with faith unto your flesh.
	I gave my love a ring and made him swear
	Never to part with it; and here he stands;
	I dare be sworn for him he would not leave it
	Nor pluck it from his finger, for the wealth
	That the world masters. Now, in faith, Gratiano,
	You give your wife too unkind a cause of grief:
	An 'twere to me, I should be mad at it.

BASSANIO	[Aside]  Why, I were best to cut my left hand off
	And swear I lost the ring defending it.

GRATIANO	My Lord Bassanio gave his ring away
	Unto the judge that begg'd it and indeed
	Deserved it too; and then the boy, his clerk,
	That took some pains in writing, he begg'd mine;
	And neither man nor master would take aught
	But the two rings.

PORTIA	What ring gave you my lord?
	Not that, I hope, which you received of me.

BASSANIO	If I could add a lie unto a fault,
	I would deny it; but you see my finger
	Hath not the ring upon it; it is gone.

PORTIA	Even so void is your false heart of truth.
	By heaven, I will ne'er come in your bed
	Until I see the ring.

NERISSA	Nor I in yours
	Till I again see mine.

BASSANIO	Sweet Portia,
	If you did know to whom I gave the ring,
	If you did know for whom I gave the ring
	And would conceive for what I gave the ring
	And how unwillingly I left the ring,
	When nought would be accepted but the ring,
	You would abate the strength of your displeasure.

PORTIA	If you had known the virtue of the ring,
	Or half her worthiness that gave the ring,
	Or your own honour to contain the ring,
	You would not then have parted with the ring.
	What man is there so much unreasonable,
	If you had pleased to have defended it
	With any terms of zeal, wanted the modesty
	To urge the thing held as a ceremony?
	Nerissa teaches me what to believe:
	I'll die for't but some woman had the ring.

BASSANIO	No, by my honour, madam, by my soul,
	No woman had it, but a civil doctor,
	Which did refuse three thousand ducats of me
	And begg'd the ring; the which I did deny him
	And suffer'd him to go displeased away;
	Even he that did uphold the very life
	Of my dear friend. What should I say, sweet lady?
	I was enforced to send it after him;
	I was beset with shame and courtesy;
	My honour would not let ingratitude
	So much besmear it. Pardon me, good lady;
	For, by these blessed candles of the night,
	Had you been there, I think you would have begg'd
	The ring of me to give the worthy doctor.

PORTIA	Let not that doctor e'er come near my house:
	Since he hath got the jewel that I loved,
	And that which you did swear to keep for me,
	I will become as liberal as you;
	I'll not deny him any thing I have,
	No, not my body nor my husband's bed:
	Know him I shall, I am well sure of it:
	Lie not a night from home; watch me like Argus:
	If you do not, if I be left alone,
	Now, by mine honour, which is yet mine own,
	I'll have that doctor for my bedfellow.

NERISSA	And I his clerk; therefore be well advised
	How you do leave me to mine own protection.

GRATIANO	Well, do you so; let not me take him, then;
	For if I do, I'll mar the young clerk's pen.

ANTONIO	I am the unhappy subject of these quarrels.

PORTIA	Sir, grieve not you; you are welcome notwithstanding.

BASSANIO	Portia, forgive me this enforced wrong;
	And, in the hearing of these many friends,
	I swear to thee, even by thine own fair eyes,
	Wherein I see myself--

PORTIA	Mark you but that!
	In both my eyes he doubly sees himself;
	In each eye, one: swear by your double self,
	And there's an oath of credit.

BASSANIO	Nay, but hear me:
	Pardon this fault, and by my soul I swear
	I never more will break an oath with thee.

ANTONIO	I once did lend my body for his wealth;
	Which, but for him that had your husband's ring,
	Had quite miscarried: I dare be bound again,
	My soul upon the forfeit, that your lord
	Will never more break faith advisedly.

PORTIA	Then you shall be his surety. Give him this
	And bid him keep it better than the other.

ANTONIO	Here, Lord Bassanio; swear to keep this ring.

BASSANIO	By heaven, it is the same I gave the doctor!

PORTIA	I had it of him: pardon me, Bassanio;
	For, by this ring, the doctor lay with me.

NERISSA	And pardon me, my gentle Gratiano;
	For that same scrubbed boy, the doctor's clerk,
	In lieu of this last night did lie with me.

GRATIANO	Why, this is like the mending of highways
	In summer, where the ways are fair enough:
	What, are we cuckolds ere we have deserved it?

PORTIA	Speak not so grossly. You are all amazed:
	Here is a letter; read it at your leisure;
	It comes from Padua, from Bellario:
	There you shall find that Portia was the doctor,
	Nerissa there her clerk: Lorenzo here
	Shall witness I set forth as soon as you
	And even but now return'd; I have not yet
	Enter'd my house. Antonio, you are welcome;
	And I have better news in store for you
	Than you expect: unseal this letter soon;
	There you shall find three of your argosies
	Are richly come to harbour suddenly:
	You shall not know by what strange accident
	I chanced on this letter.

ANTONIO	I am dumb.

BASSANIO	Were you the doctor and I knew you not?

GRATIANO	Were you the clerk that is to make me cuckold?

NERISSA	Ay, but the clerk that never means to do it,
	Unless he live until he be a man.

BASSANIO	Sweet doctor, you shall be my bed-fellow:
	When I am absent, then lie with my wife.

ANTONIO	Sweet lady, you have given me life and living;
	For here I read for certain that my ships
	Are safely come to road.

PORTIA	How now, Lorenzo!
	My clerk hath some good comforts too for you.

NERISSA	Ay, and I'll give them him without a fee.
	There do I give to you and Jessica,
	From the rich Jew, a special deed of gift,
	After his death, of all he dies possess'd of.

LORENZO	Fair ladies, you drop manna in the way
	Of starved people.

PORTIA	                  It is almost morning,
	And yet I am sure you are not satisfied
	Of these events at full. Let us go in;
	And charge us there upon inter'gatories,
	And we will answer all things faithfully.

GRATIANO	Let it be so: the first inter'gatory
	That my Nerissa shall be sworn on is,
	Whether till the next night she had rather stay,
	Or go to bed now, being two hours to day:
	But were the day come, I should wish it dark,
	That I were couching with the doctor's clerk.
	Well, while I live I'll fear no other thing
	So sore as keeping safe Nerissa's ring.

	[Exeunt]




	
	
	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


SIR JOHN FALSTAFF	(FALSTAFF:)

FENTON	a gentleman.

SHALLOW	a country justice.

SLENDER	cousin to Shallow.


FORD	|
	|  two gentlemen dwelling at Windsor.
PAGE	|


WILLIAM PAGE	a boy, son to Page.

SIR HUGH EVANS	a Welsh parson.

DOCTOR CAIUS	a French physician.

	Host of the Garter Inn. (Host:)


BARDOLPH	|
	|
PISTOL	|  sharpers attending on Falstaff.
	|
NYM	|


ROBIN	page to Falstaff.

SIMPLE	servant to Slender.

RUGBY	servant to Doctor Caius.

MISTRESS FORD:

MISTRESS PAGE:

ANNE PAGE	her daughter.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	servant to Doctor Caius.

	Servants to Page, Ford, &c.
	(Servant:)
	(First Servant:)
	(Second Servant:)


SCENE	Windsor, and the neighbourhood.




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT I



SCENE I	Windsor. Before PAGE's house.


	[Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

SHALLOW	Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
	chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
	Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

SLENDER	In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
	'Coram.'

SHALLOW	Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.

SLENDER	Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
	master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
	bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'

SHALLOW	Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
	hundred years.

SLENDER	All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
	all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
	give the dozen white luces in their coat.

SHALLOW	It is an old coat.

SIR HUGH EVANS	The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
	it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
	man, and signifies love.

SHALLOW	The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

SLENDER	I may quarter, coz.

SHALLOW	You may, by marrying.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

SHALLOW	Not a whit.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
	there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
	simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
	John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
	you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
	benevolence to make atonements and compremises
	between you.

SHALLOW	The council shall bear it; it is a riot.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
	fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
	desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
	riot; take your vizaments in that.

SHALLOW	Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
	should end it.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
	and there is also another device in my prain, which
	peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
	is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
	Page, which is pretty virginity.

SLENDER	Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
	small like a woman.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
	you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
	and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
	death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
	--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
	old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
	and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
	Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

SLENDER	Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

SIR HUGH EVANS	Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

SLENDER	I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

SHALLOW	Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

SIR HUGH EVANS	Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
	despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
	is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
	beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
	peat the door for Master Page.

	[Knocks]

	What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

PAGE	[Within]  Who's there?

	[Enter PAGE]

SIR HUGH EVANS	Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
	Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
	peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
	matters grow to your likings.

PAGE	I am glad to see your worships well.
	I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW	Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
	your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
	was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I
	thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

PAGE	Sir, I thank you.

SHALLOW	Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

PAGE	I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

SLENDER	How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
	was outrun on Cotsall.

PAGE	It could not be judged, sir.

SLENDER	You'll not confess, you'll not confess.

SHALLOW	That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
	'tis a good dog.

PAGE	A cur, sir.

SHALLOW	Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
	more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
	Falstaff here?

PAGE	Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
	office between you.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

SHALLOW	He hath wronged me, Master Page.

PAGE	Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

SHALLOW	If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
	so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
	hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
	Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

PAGE	Here comes Sir John.

	[Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL]

FALSTAFF	Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?

SHALLOW	Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
	broke open my lodge.

FALSTAFF	But not kissed your keeper's daughter?

SHALLOW	Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

FALSTAFF	I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
	That is now answered.

SHALLOW	The council shall know this.

FALSTAFF	'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:
	you'll be laughed at.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

FALSTAFF	Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
	head: what matter have you against me?

SLENDER	Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;
	and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
	Nym, and Pistol.

BARDOLPH	You Banbury cheese!

SLENDER	Ay, it is no matter.

PISTOL	How now, Mephostophilus!

SLENDER	Ay, it is no matter.

NYM	Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.

SLENDER	Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

SIR HUGH EVANS	Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
	three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
	is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
	myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
	lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

PAGE	We three, to hear it and end it between them.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-
	book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
	as great discreetly as we can.

FALSTAFF	Pistol!

PISTOL	He hears with ears.

SIR HUGH EVANS	The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He
	hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.

FALSTAFF	Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

SLENDER	Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
	never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
	seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
	shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
	pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

FALSTAFF	Is this true, Pistol?

SIR HUGH EVANS	No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

PISTOL	Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
	I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
	Word of denial in thy labras here!
	Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

SLENDER	By these gloves, then, 'twas he.

NYM	Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
	'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
	humour on me; that is the very note of it.

SLENDER	By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
	though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
	drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

FALSTAFF	What say you, Scarlet and John?

BARDOLPH	Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
	himself out of his five sentences.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

BARDOLPH	And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
	so conclusions passed the careires.

SLENDER	Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
	matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
	but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
	if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
	the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

SIR HUGH EVANS	So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

FALSTAFF	You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

	[Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD
	and MISTRESS PAGE, following]

PAGE	Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.

	[Exit ANNE PAGE]

SLENDER	O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

PAGE	How now, Mistress Ford!

FALSTAFF	Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
	by your leave, good mistress.

	[Kisses her]

PAGE	Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
	hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
	we shall drink down all unkindness.

	[Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

SLENDER	I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
	Songs and Sonnets here.

	[Enter SIMPLE]

	How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
	on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
	about you, have you?

SIMPLE	Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
	Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
	afore Michaelmas?

SHALLOW	Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
	you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
	tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
	here. Do you understand me?

SLENDER	Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
	I shall do that that is reason.

SHALLOW	Nay, but understand me.

SLENDER	So I do, sir.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
	description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

SLENDER	Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
	you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
	country, simple though I stand here.

SIR HUGH EVANS	But that is not the question: the question is
	concerning your marriage.

SHALLOW	Ay, there's the point, sir.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

SLENDER	Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
	reasonable demands.

SIR HUGH EVANS	But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
	know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
	philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
	mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
	good will to the maid?

SHALLOW	Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

SLENDER	I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
	would do reason.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
	possitable, if you can carry her your desires
	towards her.

SHALLOW	That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

SLENDER	I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
	request, cousin, in any reason.

SHALLOW	Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
	is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

SLENDER	I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
	be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
	decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
	married and have more occasion to know one another;
	I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
	but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
	I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
	the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
	meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.

SHALLOW	Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

SLENDER	Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

SHALLOW	Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

	[Re-enter ANNE PAGE]

	Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

ANNE PAGE	The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
	worships' company.

SHALLOW	I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

	[Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS]

ANNE PAGE	Will't please your worship to come in, sir?

SLENDER	No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

ANNE PAGE	The dinner attends you, sir.

SLENDER	I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
	sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
	cousin Shallow.

	[Exit SIMPLE]

	A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
	friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
	yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
	live like a poor gentleman born.

ANNE PAGE	I may not go in without your worship: they will not
	sit till you come.

SLENDER	I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
	though I did.

ANNE PAGE	I pray you, sir, walk in.

SLENDER	I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
	my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
	dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
	dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
	abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
	dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?

ANNE PAGE	I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

SLENDER	I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
	it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
	the bear loose, are you not?

ANNE PAGE	Ay, indeed, sir.

SLENDER	That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
	Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
	the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
	cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
	indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
	rough things.

	[Re-enter PAGE]

PAGE	Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.

SLENDER	I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

PAGE	By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.

SLENDER	Nay, pray you, lead the way.

PAGE	Come on, sir.

SLENDER	Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.

ANNE PAGE	Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.

SLENDER	I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
	You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT I



SCENE II	The same.


	[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]

SIR HUGH EVANS	Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which
	is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
	which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
	nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and
	his wringer.

SIMPLE	Well, sir.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it
	is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with
	Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire
	and require her to solicit your master's desires to
	Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will
	make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT I



SCENE III	A room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL,
	and ROBIN]

FALSTAFF	Mine host of the Garter!

Host	What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.

FALSTAFF	Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
	followers.

Host	Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

FALSTAFF	I sit at ten pounds a week.

Host	Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I
	will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall
	tap: said I well, bully Hector?

FALSTAFF	Do so, good mine host.

Host	I have spoke; let him follow.

	[To BARDOLPH]

	Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.

	[Exit]

FALSTAFF	Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:
	an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered
	serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.

BARDOLPH	It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.

PISTOL	O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?

	[Exit BARDOLPH]

NYM	He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?

FALSTAFF	I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his
	thefts were too open; his filching was like an
	unskilful singer; he kept not time.

NYM	The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.

PISTOL	'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico
	for the phrase!

FALSTAFF	Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

PISTOL	Why, then, let kibes ensue.

FALSTAFF	There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.

PISTOL	Young ravens must have food.

FALSTAFF	Which of you know Ford of this town?

PISTOL	I ken the wight: he is of substance good.

FALSTAFF	My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

PISTOL	Two yards, and more.

FALSTAFF	No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two
	yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about
	thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's
	wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
	she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I
	can construe the action of her familiar style; and
	the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
	rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'

PISTOL	He hath studied her will, and translated her will,
	out of honesty into English.

NYM	The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?

FALSTAFF	Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her
	husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.

PISTOL	As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.

NYM	The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.

FALSTAFF	I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
	another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
	eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious
	oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my
	foot, sometimes my portly belly.

PISTOL	Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

NYM	I thank thee for that humour.

FALSTAFF	O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a
	greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
	seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's
	another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
	is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will
	be cheater to them both, and they shall be
	exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
	Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
	this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
	Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

PISTOL	Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
	And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!

NYM	I will run no base humour: here, take the
	humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.

FALSTAFF	[To ROBIN]  Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
	Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
	Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;
	Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
	Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
	French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.

	[Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN]

PISTOL	Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
	And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:
	Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
	Base Phrygian Turk!

NYM	I have operations which be humours of revenge.

PISTOL	Wilt thou revenge?

NYM	By welkin and her star!

PISTOL	With wit or steel?

NYM	With both the humours, I:
	I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

PISTOL	     And I to Ford shall eke unfold
	How Falstaff, varlet vile,
	His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
	And his soft couch defile.

NYM	My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to
	deal with poison; I will possess him with
	yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:
	that is my true humour.

PISTOL	Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT I



SCENE IV	A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.


	[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,
	and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
	Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
	body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
	God's patience and the king's English.

RUGBY	I'll go watch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
	faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

	[Exit RUGBY]

	An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
	shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
	tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
	that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
	that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
	that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

SIMPLE	Ay, for fault of a better.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	And Master Slender's your master?

SIMPLE	Ay, forsooth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
	glover's paring-knife?

SIMPLE	No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a
	little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

SIMPLE	Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
	as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
	with a warrener.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
	hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

SIMPLE	Yes, indeed, does he.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
	Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your
	master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--

	[Re-enter RUGBY]

RUGBY	Out, alas! here comes my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
	go into this closet: he will not stay long.

	[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]

	What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
	Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
	he be not well, that he comes not home.

	[Singing]

	And down, down, adown-a, &c.

	[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

DOCTOR CAIUS	Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
	go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
	a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.

	[Aside]

	I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
	the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
	m'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Is it this, sir?

DOCTOR CAIUS	Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
	is dat knave Rugby?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	What, John Rugby! John!

RUGBY	Here, sir!

DOCTOR CAIUS	You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
	take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

RUGBY	'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!
	Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
	dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!

DOCTOR CAIUS	O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!

	[Pulling SIMPLE out]

	Rugby, my rapier!

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Good master, be content.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Wherefore shall I be content-a?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	The young man is an honest man.

DOCTOR CAIUS	What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is
	no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
	of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Vell.

SIMPLE	Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Peace, I pray you.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

SIMPLE	To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
	speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
	master in the way of marriage.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
	finger in the fire, and need not.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
	Tarry you a little-a while.

	[Writes]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	[Aside to SIMPLE]  I am glad he is so quiet: if he
	had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
	so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
	man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
	the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
	master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I
	keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
	scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
	all myself,--

SIMPLE	[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY]  'Tis a great charge to
	come under one body's hand.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	[Aside to SIMPLE]  Are you avised o' that? you
	shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
	and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in
	your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master
	himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
	notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that's
	neither here nor there.

DOCTOR CAIUS	You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
	gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
	park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
	to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
	you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
	stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
	at his dog:

	[Exit SIMPLE]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

DOCTOR CAIUS	It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
	dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
	vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
	host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
	will myself have Anne Page.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
	must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

DOCTOR CAIUS	Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have
	not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
	door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

	[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
	know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor
	knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
	than I do with her, I thank heaven.

FENTON	[Within]  Who's within there? ho!

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.

	[Enter FENTON]

FENTON	How now, good woman? how dost thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

FENTON	What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
	gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you
	that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

FENTON	Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
	notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
	book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
	above your eye?

FENTON	Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
	another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
	broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I
	shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
	indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
	musing: but for you--well, go to.

FENTON	Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
	for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
	thou seest her before me, commend me.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
	worship more of the wart the next time we have
	confidence; and of other wooers.

FENTON	Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Farewell to your worship.

	[Exit FENTON]

	Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
	for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
	upon't! what have I forgot?

	[Exit]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT II



SCENE I	Before PAGE'S house.


	[Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter]

MISTRESS PAGE	What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-
	time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them?
	Let me see.

	[Reads]

	'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though
	Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him
	not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more
	am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry,
	so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you
	love sack, and so do I; would you desire better
	sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at
	the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--
	that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis
	not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me,
	Thine own true knight,
	By day or night,
	Or any kind of light,
	With all his might
	For thee to fight,    JOHN FALSTAFF'
	What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked
	world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with
	age to show himself a young gallant! What an
	unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard
	picked--with the devil's name!--out of my
	conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?
	Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What
	should I say to him? I was then frugal of my
	mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill
	in the parliament for the putting down of men. How
	shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,
	as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

	[Enter MISTRESS FORD]

MISTRESS FORD	Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

MISTRESS PAGE	And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very
	ill.

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.

MISTRESS PAGE	Faith, but you do, in my mind.

MISTRESS FORD	Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the
	contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!

MISTRESS PAGE	What's the matter, woman?

MISTRESS FORD	O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I
	could come to such honour!

MISTRESS PAGE	Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is
	it? dispense with trifles; what is it?

MISTRESS FORD	If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,
	I could be knighted.

MISTRESS PAGE	What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights
	will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the
	article of thy gentry.

MISTRESS FORD	We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I
	might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat
	men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of
	men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised
	women's modesty; and gave such orderly and
	well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I
	would have sworn his disposition would have gone to
	the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere
	and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to
	the tune of 'Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow,
	threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his
	belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged
	on him? I think the best way were to entertain him
	with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted
	him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

MISTRESS PAGE	Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and
	Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery
	of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy
	letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I
	protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a
	thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for
	different names--sure, more,--and these are of the
	second edition: he will print them, out of doubt;
	for he cares not what he puts into the press, when
	he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess,
	and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you
	twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

MISTRESS FORD	Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very
	words. What doth he think of us?

MISTRESS PAGE	Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to
	wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain
	myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;
	for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I
	know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

MISTRESS FORD	'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him
	above deck.

MISTRESS PAGE	So will I	if he come under my hatches, I'll never
	to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's
	appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in
	his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay,
	till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,
	that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O,
	that my husband saw this letter! it would give
	eternal food to his jealousy.

MISTRESS PAGE	Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's
	as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause;
	and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance.

MISTRESS FORD	You are the happier woman.

MISTRESS PAGE	Let's consult together against this greasy knight.
	Come hither.

	[They retire]

	[Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM]

FORD	Well, I hope it be not so.

PISTOL	Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:
	Sir John affects thy wife.

FORD	Why, sir, my wife is not young.

PISTOL	He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,
	Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
	He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.

FORD	Love my wife!

PISTOL	With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,
	Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:
	O, odious is the name!

FORD	What name, sir?

PISTOL	The horn, I say. Farewell.
	Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:
	Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.
	Away, Sir Corporal Nym!
	Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.

	[Exit]

FORD	[Aside]  I will be patient; I will find out this.

NYM	[To PAGE]  And this is true; I like not the humour
	of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I
	should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I
	have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity.
	He loves your wife; there's the short and the long.
	My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis
	true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife.
	Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese,
	and there's the humour of it. Adieu.

	[Exit]

PAGE	'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow
	frights English out of his wits.

FORD	I will seek out Falstaff.

PAGE	I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

FORD	If I do find it: well.

PAGE	I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest
	o' the town commended him for a true man.

FORD	'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.

PAGE	How now, Meg!

	[MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD come forward]

MISTRESS PAGE	Whither go you, George? Hark you.

MISTRESS FORD	How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?

FORD	I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.

MISTRESS FORD	Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,
	will you go, Mistress Page?

MISTRESS PAGE	Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George.

	[Aside to MISTRESS FORD]

	Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger
	to this paltry knight.

MISTRESS FORD	[Aside to MISTRESS PAGE]  Trust me, I thought on her:
	she'll fit it.

	[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY]

MISTRESS PAGE	You are come to see my daughter Anne?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

MISTRESS PAGE	Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with
	you.

	[Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY]

PAGE	How now, Master Ford!

FORD	You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

PAGE	Yes: and you heard what the other told me?

FORD	Do you think there is truth in them?

PAGE	Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would
	offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent
	towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men;
	very rogues, now they be out of service.

FORD	Were they his men?

PAGE	Marry, were they.

FORD	I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at
	the Garter?

PAGE	Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage
	towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and
	what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it
	lie on my head.

FORD	I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to
	turn them together. A man may be too confident: I
	would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.

PAGE	Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:
	there is either liquor in his pate or money in his
	purse when he looks so merrily.

	[Enter Host]

	How now, mine host!

Host	How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
	Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

	[Enter SHALLOW]

SHALLOW	I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and
	twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go
	with us? we have sport in hand.

Host	Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.

SHALLOW	Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh
	the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

FORD	Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.

	[Drawing him aside]

Host	What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

SHALLOW	[To PAGE]  Will you go with us to behold it? My
	merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;
	and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;
	for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.
	Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

	[They converse apart]

Host	Hast thou no suit against my knight, my
	guest-cavaleire?

FORD	None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of
	burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him
	my name is Brook; only for a jest.

Host	My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;
	--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is
	a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

SHALLOW	Have with you, mine host.

PAGE	I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
	his rapier.

SHALLOW	Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times
	you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and
	I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis
	here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long
	sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Host	Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

PAGE	Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.

	[Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE]

FORD	Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly
	on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my
	opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's
	house; and what they made there, I know not. Well,
	I will look further into't: and I have a disguise
	to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not
	my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.

	[Exit]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT II



SCENE II	A room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL]


FALSTAFF	I will not lend thee a penny.

PISTOL	Why, then the world's mine oyster.
	Which I with sword will open.

FALSTAFF	Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should
	lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my
	good friends for three reprieves for you and your
	coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through
	the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in
	hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were
	good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress
	Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon
	mine honour thou hadst it not.

PISTOL	Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

FALSTAFF	Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I'll
	endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
	about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife
	and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go.
	You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you
	stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable
	baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
	terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself
	sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand
	and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to
	shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,
	will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
	looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your
	bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your
	honour! You will not do it, you!

PISTOL	I do relent: what would thou more of man?

	[Enter ROBIN]

ROBIN	Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.

FALSTAFF	Let her approach.

	[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Give your worship good morrow.

FALSTAFF	Good morrow, good wife.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Not so, an't please your worship.

FALSTAFF	Good maid, then.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	I'll be sworn,
	As my mother was, the first hour I was born.

FALSTAFF	I do believe the swearer. What with me?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

FALSTAFF	Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee
	the hearing.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come a
	little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with master
	Doctor Caius,--

FALSTAFF	Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,--

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Your worship says very true: I pray your worship,
	come a little nearer this ways.

FALSTAFF	I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine
	own people.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants!

FALSTAFF	Well, Mistress Ford; what of her?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord Lord! your
	worship's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all
	of us, I pray!

FALSTAFF	Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford,--

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you
	have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis
	wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the
	court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her
	to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and
	lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant
	you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift
	after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so
	rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in
	such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of
	the best and the fairest, that would have won any
	woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never
	get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels
	given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in
	any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
	honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get
	her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of
	them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which
	is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

FALSTAFF	But what says she to me? be brief, my good
	she-Mercury.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which
	she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you
	to notify that her husband will be absence from his
	house between ten and eleven.

FALSTAFF	Ten and eleven?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the
	picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford,
	her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet
	woman leads an ill life with him: he's a very
	jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with
	him, good heart.

FALSTAFF	Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will
	not fail her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to
	your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty
	commendations to you too: and let me tell you in
	your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and
	one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor
	evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the
	other: and she bade me tell your worship that her
	husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there
	will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon
	a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.

FALSTAFF	Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my
	good parts aside I have no other charms.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Blessing on your heart for't!

FALSTAFF	But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and
	Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	That were a jest indeed! they have not so little
	grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but
	Mistress Page would desire you to send her your
	little page, of all loves: her husband has a
	marvellous infection to the little page; and truly
	Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
	Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what
	she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go
	to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as
	she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there
	be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must
	send her your page; no remedy.

FALSTAFF	Why, I will.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and
	go between you both; and in any case have a
	nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and
	the boy never need to understand any thing; for
	'tis not good that children should know any
	wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion,
	as they say, and know the world.

FALSTAFF	Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's
	my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with
	this woman.

	[Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY and ROBIN]

	This news distracts me!

PISTOL	This punk is one of Cupid's carriers:
	Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:
	Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!

	[Exit]

FALSTAFF	Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make
	more of thy old body than I have done. Will they
	yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
	of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I
	thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be
	fairly done, no matter.

	[Enter BARDOLPH]

BARDOLPH	Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain
	speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath
	sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.

FALSTAFF	Brook is his name?

BARDOLPH	Ay, sir.

FALSTAFF	Call him in.

	[Exit BARDOLPH]

	Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such
	liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page
	have I encompassed you? go to; via!

	[Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised]

FORD	Bless you, sir!

FALSTAFF	And you, sir! Would you speak with me?

FORD	I make bold to press with so little preparation upon
	you.

FALSTAFF	You're welcome. What's your will? Give us leave, drawer.

	[Exit BARDOLPH]

FORD	Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.

FALSTAFF	Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.

FORD	Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;
	for I must let you understand I think myself in
	better plight for a lender than you are: the which
	hath something embolden'd me to this unseasoned
	intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all
	ways do lie open.

FALSTAFF	Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

FORD	Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:
	if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or
	half, for easing me of the carriage.

FALSTAFF	Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.

FORD	I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

FALSTAFF	Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be
	your servant.

FORD	Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief
	with you,--and you have been a man long known to me,
	though I had never so good means, as desire, to make
	myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a
	thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine
	own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have
	one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded,
	turn another into the register of your own; that I
	may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you
	yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.

FALSTAFF	Very well, sir; proceed.

FORD	There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband's
	name is Ford.

FALSTAFF	Well, sir.

FORD	I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,
	bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting
	observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her;
	fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly
	give me sight of her; not only bought many presents
	to give her, but have given largely to many to know
	what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued
	her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the
	wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have
	merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed,
	I am sure, I have received none; unless experience
	be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite
	rate, and that hath taught me to say this:

	'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
	Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.'

FALSTAFF	Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?

FORD	Never.

FALSTAFF	Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

FORD	Never.

FALSTAFF	Of what quality was your love, then?

FORD	Like a fair house built on another man's ground; so
	that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place
	where I erected it.

FALSTAFF	To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

FORD	When I have told you that, I have told you all.
	Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in
	other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that
	there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir
	John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a
	gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable
	discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your
	place and person, generally allowed for your many
	war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

FALSTAFF	O, sir!

FORD	Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend
	it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only
	give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as
	to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this
	Ford's wife: use your art of wooing; win her to
	consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as
	any.

FALSTAFF	Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
	affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?
	Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

FORD	O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on
	the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my
	soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to
	be looked against. Now, could I could come to her
	with any detection in my hand, my desires had
	instance and argument to commend themselves: I
	could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
	her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand
	other her defences, which now are too too strongly
	embattled against me. What say you to't, Sir John?

FALSTAFF	Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
	money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a
	gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.

FORD	O good sir!

FALSTAFF	I say you shall.

FORD	Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.

FALSTAFF	Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want
	none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her
	own appointment; even as you came in to me, her
	assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I
	shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at
	that time the jealous rascally knave her husband
	will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall
	know how I speed.

FORD	I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,
	sir?

FALSTAFF	Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:
	yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the
	jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the
	which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will
	use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer;
	and there's my harvest-home.

FORD	I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him
	if you saw him.

FALSTAFF	Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will
	stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my
	cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the
	cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
	will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
	lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night.
	Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style;
	thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and
	cuckold. Come to me soon at night.

	[Exit]

FORD	What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is
	ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is
	improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the
	hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man
	have thought this? See the hell of having a false
	woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers
	ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not
	only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under
	the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that
	does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds
	well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are
	devils' additions, the names of fiends: but
	Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath
	not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he
	will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will
	rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh
	the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my
	aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling
	gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots,
	then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they
	think in their hearts they may effect, they will
	break their hearts but they will effect. God be
	praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour.
	I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on
	Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it;
	better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
	Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!

	[Exit]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT II



SCENE III	A field near Windsor.


	[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]

DOCTOR CAIUS	Jack Rugby!

RUGBY	Sir?

DOCTOR CAIUS	Vat is de clock, Jack?

RUGBY	'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he
	has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
	Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

RUGBY	He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
	him, if he came.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
	Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

RUGBY	Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Villany, take your rapier.

RUGBY	Forbear; here's company.

	[Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE]

Host	Bless thee, bully doctor!

SHALLOW	Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

PAGE	Now, good master doctor!

SLENDER	Give you good morrow, sir.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Host	To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
	traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
	see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
	distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
	he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
	AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is
	he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
	is not show his face.

Host	Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

DOCTOR CAIUS	I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
	seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

SHALLOW	He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
	souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
	fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
	Is it not true, Master Page?

PAGE	Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
	fighter, though now a man of peace.

SHALLOW	Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
	the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
	make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
	churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
	youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

PAGE	'Tis true, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW	It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
	Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
	the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
	physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
	and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Host	Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Host	Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
	Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
	vill cut his ears.

Host	He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Host	That is, he will make thee amends.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
	for, by gar, me vill have it.

Host	And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Me tank you for dat.

Host	And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and
	Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
	through the town to Frogmore.

	[Aside to them]

PAGE	Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Host	He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
	bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

SHALLOW	We will do it.


PAGE	|
	|
SHALLOW	|  Adieu, good master doctor.
	|
SLENDER	|


	[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
	jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Host	Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
	water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
	through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
	Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
	shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
	and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
	de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Host	For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
	Page. Said I well?

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

Host	Let us wag, then.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT III



SCENE I	A field near Frogmore.


	[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]

SIR HUGH EVANS	I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,
	and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
	looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?

SIMPLE	Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
	way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town
	way.

SIR HUGH EVANS	I most fehemently desire you you will also look that
	way.

SIMPLE	I will, sir.

	[Exit]

SIR HUGH EVANS	'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and
	trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
	deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
	his urinals about his knave's costard when I have
	good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!

	[Sings]

	To shallow rivers, to whose falls
	Melodious birds sings madrigals;
	There will we make our peds of roses,
	And a thousand fragrant posies.
	To shallow--

	Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.

	[Sings]

	Melodious birds sing madrigals--
	When as I sat in Pabylon--
	And a thousand vagram posies.
	To shallow &c.

	[Re-enter SIMPLE]

SIMPLE	Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.

SIR HUGH EVANS	He's welcome.

	[Sings]

	To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
	Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?

SIMPLE	No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
	Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over
	the stile, this way.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

	[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

SHALLOW	How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
	Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
	from his book, and it is wonderful.

SLENDER	[Aside]  Ah, sweet Anne Page!

PAGE	'Save you, good Sir Hugh!

SIR HUGH EVANS	'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

SHALLOW	What, the sword and the word! do you study them
	both, master parson?

PAGE	And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this
	raw rheumatic day!

SIR HUGH EVANS	There is reasons and causes for it.

PAGE	We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Fery well: what is it?

PAGE	Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
	having received wrong by some person, is at most
	odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
	saw.

SHALLOW	I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
	heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
	wide of his own respect.

SIR HUGH EVANS	What is he?

PAGE	I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the
	renowned French physician.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
	lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

PAGE	Why?

SIR HUGH EVANS	He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
	--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
	would desires to be acquainted withal.

PAGE	I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

SHALLOW	[Aside]  O sweet Anne Page!

SHALLOW	It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
	here comes Doctor Caius.

	[Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]

PAGE	Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

SHALLOW	So do you, good master doctor.

Host	Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep
	their limbs whole and hack our English.

DOCTOR CAIUS	I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
	Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?

SIR HUGH EVANS	[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS]  Pray you, use your patience:
	in good time.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

SIR HUGH EVANS	[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS]  Pray you let us not be
	laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
	in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.

	[Aloud]

	I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
	for missing your meetings and appointments.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I
	not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
	I did appoint?

SIR HUGH EVANS	As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
	place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
	the Garter.

Host	Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
	soul-curer and body-curer!

DOCTOR CAIUS	Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

Host	Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
	politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
	lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
	motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
	Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
	no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
	thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
	deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
	places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
	whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
	their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
	follow, follow, follow.

SHALLOW	Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

SLENDER	[Aside]  O sweet Anne Page!

	[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host]

DOCTOR CAIUS	Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
	us, ha, ha?

SIR HUGH EVANS	This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I
	desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog
	our prains together to be revenge on this same
	scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
	where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT III



SCENE II	A street.


	[Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN]

MISTRESS PAGE	Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to
	be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether
	had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?

ROBIN	I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man
	than follow him like a dwarf.

MISTRESS PAGE	O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier.

	[Enter FORD]

FORD	Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

MISTRESS PAGE	Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

FORD	Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want
	of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,
	you two would marry.

MISTRESS PAGE	Be sure of that,--two other husbands.

FORD	Where had you this pretty weather-cock?

MISTRESS PAGE	I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my
	husband had him of. What do you call your knight's
	name, sirrah?

ROBIN	Sir John Falstaff.

FORD	Sir John Falstaff!

MISTRESS PAGE	He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a
	league between my good man and he! Is your wife at
	home indeed?

FORD	Indeed she is.

MISTRESS PAGE	By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.

	[Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN]

FORD	Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any
	thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.
	Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as
	easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve
	score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he
	gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's
	going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A
	man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And
	Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;
	and our revolted wives share damnation together.
	Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck
	the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming
	Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and
	wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all
	my neighbours shall cry aim.

	[Clock heard]

	The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me
	search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be
	rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as
	positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is
	there: I will go.

	[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host,
	SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]


SHALLOW	|
	|
PAGE	|  Well met, Master Ford.
	|
&C	|


FORD	Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;
	and I pray you all go with me.

SHALLOW	I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

SLENDER	And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with
	Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for
	more money than I'll speak of.

SHALLOW	We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and
	my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

SLENDER	I hope I have your good will, father Page.

PAGE	You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:
	but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a
	Quickly tell me so mush.

Host	What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he
	dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he
	speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will
	carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he
	will carry't.

PAGE	Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is
	of no having: he kept company with the wild prince
	and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too
	much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes
	with the finger of my substance: if he take her,
	let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on
	my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

FORD	I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me
	to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have
	sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,
	you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

SHALLOW	Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing
	at Master Page's.

	[Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

DOCTOR CAIUS	Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

	[Exit RUGBY]

Host	Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight
	Falstaff, and drink canary with him.

	[Exit]

FORD	[Aside]  I think I shall drink in pipe wine first
	with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

All	Have with you to see this monster.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT III



SCENE III	A room in FORD'S house.


	[Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE]

MISTRESS FORD	What, John! What, Robert!

MISTRESS PAGE	Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--

MISTRESS FORD	I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

	[Enter Servants with a basket]

MISTRESS PAGE	Come, come, come.

MISTRESS FORD	Here, set it down.

MISTRESS PAGE	Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

MISTRESS FORD	Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be
	ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I
	suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause
	or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:
	that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry
	it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there
	empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

MISTRESS PAGE	You will do it?

MISTRESS FORD	I ha' told them over and over; they lack no
	direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

	[Exeunt Servants]

MISTRESS PAGE	Here comes little Robin.

	[Enter ROBIN]

MISTRESS FORD	How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

ROBIN	My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,
	Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

MISTRESS PAGE	You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

ROBIN	Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your
	being here and hath threatened to put me into
	everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he
	swears he'll turn me away.

MISTRESS PAGE	Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be
	a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet
	and hose. I'll go hide me.

MISTRESS FORD	Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.

	[Exit ROBIN]

	Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

MISTRESS PAGE	I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.

	[Exit]

MISTRESS FORD	Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,
	this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know
	turtles from jays.

	[Enter FALSTAFF]

FALSTAFF	Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let
	me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
	period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

MISTRESS FORD	O sweet Sir John!

FALSTAFF	Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,
	Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
	thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the
	best lord; I would make thee my lady.

MISTRESS FORD	I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!

FALSTAFF	Let the court of France show me such another. I see
	how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast
	the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the
	ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of
	Venetian admittance.

MISTRESS FORD	A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing
	else; nor that well neither.

FALSTAFF	By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou
	wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm
	fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion
	to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see
	what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature
	thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

MISTRESS FORD	Believe me, there is no such thing in me.

FALSTAFF	What made me love thee? let that persuade thee
	there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I
	cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a
	many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like
	women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury
	in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none
	but thee; and thou deservest it.

MISTRESS FORD	Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.

FALSTAFF	Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the
	Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek
	of a lime-kiln.

MISTRESS FORD	Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one
	day find it.

FALSTAFF	Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not
	be in that mind.

ROBIN	[Within]  Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's
	Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and
	looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

FALSTAFF	She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.

MISTRESS FORD	Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.

	[FALSTAFF hides himself]

	[Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN]

	What's the matter? how now!

MISTRESS PAGE	O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,
	you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!

MISTRESS FORD	What's the matter, good Mistress Page?

MISTRESS PAGE	O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man
	to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

MISTRESS FORD	What cause of suspicion?

MISTRESS PAGE	What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I
	mistook in you!

MISTRESS FORD	Why, alas, what's the matter?

MISTRESS PAGE	Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the
	officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that
	he says is here now in the house by your consent, to
	take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.

MISTRESS FORD	'Tis not so, I hope.

MISTRESS PAGE	Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man
	here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
	with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a
	one. I come before to tell you. If you know
	yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you
	have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not
	amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your
	reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

MISTRESS FORD	What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear
	friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his
	peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were
	out of the house.

MISTRESS PAGE	For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you
	had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink
	you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot
	hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here
	is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he
	may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as
	if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time
	--send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.

MISTRESS FORD	He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?

FALSTAFF	[Coming forward]  Let me see't, let me see't, O, let
	me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's
	counsel. I'll in.

MISTRESS PAGE	What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

FALSTAFF	I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.
	I'll never--

	[Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen]

MISTRESS PAGE	Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,
	Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!

MISTRESS FORD	What, John! Robert! John!

	[Exit ROBIN]

	[Re-enter Servants]

	Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the
	cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to
	the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.

	[Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

FORD	Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,
	why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;
	I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?

Servant	To the laundress, forsooth.

MISTRESS FORD	Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You
	were best meddle with buck-washing.

FORD	Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!
	Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;
	and of the season too, it shall appear.

	[Exeunt Servants with the basket]

	Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my
	dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
	chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant
	we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.

	[Locking the door]

	So, now uncape.

PAGE	Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

FORD	True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see
	sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.

	[Exit]

SIR HUGH EVANS	This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not
	jealous in France.

PAGE	Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.

	[Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

MISTRESS PAGE	Is there not a double excellency in this?

MISTRESS FORD	I know not which pleases me better, that my husband
	is deceived, or Sir John.

MISTRESS PAGE	What a taking was he in when your husband asked who
	was in the basket!

MISTRESS FORD	I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so
	throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

MISTRESS PAGE	Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same
	strain were in the same distress.

MISTRESS FORD	I think my husband hath some special suspicion of
	Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross
	in his jealousy till now.

MISTRESS PAGE	I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have
	more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will
	scarce obey this medicine.

MISTRESS FORD	Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress
	Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the
	water; and give him another hope, to betray him to
	another punishment?

MISTRESS PAGE	We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,
	eight o'clock, to have amends.

	[Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
	SIR HUGH EVANS]

FORD	I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that
	he could not compass.

MISTRESS PAGE	[Aside to MISTRESS FORD]  Heard you that?

MISTRESS FORD	You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

FORD	Ay, I do so.

MISTRESS FORD	Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

FORD	Amen!

MISTRESS PAGE	You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

FORD	Ay, ay; I must bear it.

SIR HUGH EVANS	If there be any pody in the house, and in the
	chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
	heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

PAGE	Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What
	spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I
	would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the
	wealth of Windsor Castle.

FORD	'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

SIR HUGH EVANS	You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as
	honest a 'omans as I will desires among five
	thousand, and five hundred too.

DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.

FORD	Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in
	the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter
	make known to you why I have done this. Come,
	wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;
	pray heartily, pardon me.

PAGE	Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock
	him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house
	to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I
	have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

FORD	Any thing.

SIR HUGH EVANS	If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

DOCTOR CAIUS	If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

FORD	Pray you, go, Master Page.

SIR HUGH EVANS	I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy
	knave, mine host.

DOCTOR CAIUS	Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!

SIR HUGH EVANS	A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT III



SCENE IV	A room in PAGE'S house.


	[Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE]

FENTON	I see I cannot get thy father's love;
	Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.

ANNE PAGE	Alas, how then?

FENTON	                  Why, thou must be thyself.
	He doth object I am too great of birth--,
	And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,
	I seek to heal it only by his wealth:
	Besides these, other bars he lays before me,
	My riots past, my wild societies;
	And tells me 'tis a thing impossible
	I should love thee but as a property.

ANNE PAGE	May be he tells you true.

FENTON	No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!
	Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth
	Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:
	Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
	Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;
	And 'tis the very riches of thyself
	That now I aim at.

ANNE PAGE	                  Gentle Master Fenton,
	Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir:
	If opportunity and humblest suit
	Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!

	[They converse apart]

	[Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY]

SHALLOW	Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall
	speak for himself.

SLENDER	I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'slid, 'tis but
	venturing.

SHALLOW	Be not dismayed.

SLENDER	No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that,
	but that I am afeard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.

ANNE PAGE	I come to him.

	[Aside]

	This is my father's choice.
	O, what a world of vile ill-favor'd faults
	Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!

MISTRESS QUICKLY	And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.

SHALLOW	She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!

SLENDER	I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you
	good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress
	Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of
	a pen, good uncle.

SHALLOW	Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.

SLENDER	Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in
	Gloucestershire.

SHALLOW	He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.

SLENDER	Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the
	degree of a squire.

SHALLOW	He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.

ANNE PAGE	Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.

SHALLOW	Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good
	comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you.

ANNE PAGE	Now, Master Slender,--

SLENDER	Now, good Mistress Anne,--

ANNE PAGE	What is your will?

SLENDER	My will! 'od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest
	indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I
	am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.

ANNE PAGE	I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?

SLENDER	Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing
	with you. Your father and my uncle hath made
	motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be
	his dole! They can tell you how things go better
	than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes.

	[Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE]

PAGE	Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.
	Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?
	You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:
	I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.

FENTON	Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.

MISTRESS PAGE	Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.

PAGE	She is no match for you.

FENTON	Sir, will you hear me?

PAGE	No, good Master Fenton.
	Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.
	Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

	[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Speak to Mistress Page.

FENTON	Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
	In such a righteous fashion as I do,
	Perforce, against all cheques, rebukes and manners,
	I must advance the colours of my love
	And not retire: let me have your good will.

ANNE PAGE	Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.

MISTRESS PAGE	I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	That's my master, master doctor.

ANNE PAGE	Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth
	And bowl'd to death with turnips!

MISTRESS PAGE	Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,
	I will not be your friend nor enemy:
	My daughter will I question how she loves you,
	And as I find her, so am I affected.
	Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;
	Her father will be angry.

FENTON	Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.

	[Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ANNE PAGE]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	This is my doing, now: 'Nay,' said I, 'will you cast
	away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on
	Master Fenton:' this is my doing.

FENTON	I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night
	Give my sweet Nan this ring: there's for thy pains.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Now heaven send thee good fortune!

	[Exit FENTON]

	A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through
	fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I
	would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would
	Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master
	Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all
	three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good
	as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,
	I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from
	my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it!

	[Exit]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT III



SCENE V	A room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH]

FALSTAFF	Bardolph, I say,--

BARDOLPH	Here, sir.

FALSTAFF	Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't.

	[Exit BARDOLPH]

	Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a
	barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the
	Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick,
	I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered, and give
	them to a dog for a new-year's gift. The rogues
	slighted me into the river with as little remorse as
	they would have drowned a blind bitch's puppies,
	fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size
	that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the
	bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had
	been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and
	shallow,--a death that I abhor; for the water swells
	a man; and what a thing should I have been when I
	had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.

	[Re-enter BARDOLPH with sack]

BARDOLPH	Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.

FALSTAFF	Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my
	belly's as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for
	pills to cool the reins. Call her in.

BARDOLPH	Come in, woman!

	[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship
	good morrow.

FALSTAFF	Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of
	sack finely.

BARDOLPH	With eggs, sir?

FALSTAFF	Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.

	[Exit BARDOLPH]
	How now!

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.

FALSTAFF	Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown
	into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault:
	she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.

FALSTAFF	So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn
	your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning
	a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her
	between eight and nine: I must carry her word
	quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you.

FALSTAFF	Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her
	think what a man is: let her consider his frailty,
	and then judge of my merit.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	I will tell her.

FALSTAFF	Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Eight and nine, sir.

FALSTAFF	Well, be gone: I will not miss her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Peace be with you, sir.

	[Exit]

FALSTAFF	I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word
	to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.

	[Enter FORD]

FORD	Bless you, sir!

FALSTAFF	Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath passed
	between me and Ford's wife?

FORD	That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.

FALSTAFF	Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her
	house the hour she appointed me.

FORD	And sped you, sir?

FALSTAFF	Very ill-favoredly, Master Brook.

FORD	How so, sir? Did she change her determination?

FALSTAFF	No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her
	husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual
	'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our
	encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested,
	and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy;
	and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither
	provoked and instigated by his distemper, and,
	forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.

FORD	What, while you were there?

FALSTAFF	While I was there.

FORD	And did he search for you, and could not find you?

FALSTAFF	You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes
	in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's
	approach; and, in her invention and Ford's wife's
	distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.

FORD	A buck-basket!

FALSTAFF	By the Lord, a buck-basket! rammed me in with foul
	shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy
	napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest
	compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.

FORD	And how long lay you there?

FALSTAFF	Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have
	suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.
	Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's
	knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their
	mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to
	Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met
	the jealous knave their master in the door, who
	asked them once or twice what they had in their
	basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave
	would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he
	should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he
	for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But
	mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs
	of three several deaths; first, an intolerable
	fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten
	bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good
	bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to
	point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in,
	like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes
	that fretted in their own grease: think of that,--a
	man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as subject
	to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution
	and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation.
	And in the height of this bath, when I was more than
	half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be
	thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot,
	in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of
	that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.

FORD	In good sadness, I am sorry that for my sake you
	have sufferd all this. My suit then is desperate;
	you'll undertake her no more?

FALSTAFF	Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have
	been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her
	husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have
	received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt
	eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.

FORD	'Tis past eight already, sir.

FALSTAFF	Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.
	Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall
	know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be
	crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall
	have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall
	cuckold Ford.

	[Exit]

FORD	Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I
	sleep? Master Ford awake! awake, Master Ford!
	there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford.
	This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen
	and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself
	what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my
	house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he
	should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse,
	nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that
	guides him should aid him, I will search
	impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid,
	yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame:
	if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go
	with me: I'll be horn-mad.

	[Exit]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT IV



SCENE I	A street.


	[Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and
	WILLIAM PAGE]

MISTRESS PAGE	Is he at Master Ford's already, think'st thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but,
	truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing
	into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.

MISTRESS PAGE	I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young
	man here to school. Look, where his master comes;
	'tis a playing-day, I see.

	[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS]

	How now, Sir Hugh! no school to-day?

SIR HUGH EVANS	No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Blessing of his heart!

MISTRESS PAGE	Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in
	the world at his book. I pray you, ask him some
	questions in his accidence.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.

MISTRESS PAGE	Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your
	master, be not afraid.

SIR HUGH EVANS	William, how many numbers is in nouns?

WILLIAM PAGE	Two.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Truly, I thought there had been one number more,
	because they say, ''Od's nouns.'

SIR HUGH EVANS	Peace your tattlings! What is 'fair,' William?

WILLIAM PAGE	Pulcher.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats, sure.

SIR HUGH EVANS	You are a very simplicity 'oman: I pray you peace.
	What is 'lapis,' William?

WILLIAM PAGE	A stone.

SIR HUGH EVANS	And what is 'a stone,' William?

WILLIAM PAGE	A pebble.

SIR HUGH EVANS	No, it is 'lapis:' I pray you, remember in your prain.

WILLIAM PAGE	Lapis.

SIR HUGH EVANS	That is a good William. What is he, William, that
	does lend articles?

WILLIAM PAGE	Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus
	declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, haec, hoc.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark:
	genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?

WILLIAM PAGE	Accusativo, hinc.

SIR HUGH EVANS	I pray you, have your remembrance, child,
	accusative, hung, hang, hog.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	'Hang-hog' is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative
	case, William?

WILLIAM PAGE	O,--vocativo, O.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Remember, William; focative is caret.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	And that's a good root.

SIR HUGH EVANS	'Oman, forbear.

MISTRESS PAGE	Peace!

SIR HUGH EVANS	What is your genitive case plural, William?

WILLIAM PAGE	Genitive case!

SIR HUGH EVANS	Ay.

WILLIAM PAGE	Genitive,--horum, harum, horum.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! never name
	her, child, if she be a whore.

SIR HUGH EVANS	For shame, 'oman.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	You do ill to teach the child such words: he
	teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do
	fast enough of themselves, and to call 'horum:' fie upon you!

SIR HUGH EVANS	'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no
	understandings for thy cases and the numbers of the
	genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as
	I would desires.

MISTRESS PAGE	Prithee, hold thy peace.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.

WILLIAM PAGE	Forsooth, I have forgot.

SIR HUGH EVANS	It is qui, quae, quod: if you forget your 'quies,'
	your 'quaes,' and your 'quods,' you must be
	preeches. Go your ways, and play; go.

MISTRESS PAGE	He is a better scholar than I thought he was.

SIR HUGH EVANS	He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.

MISTRESS PAGE	Adieu, good Sir Hugh.

	[Exit SIR HUGH EVANS]

	Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT IV



SCENE II	A room in FORD'S house.


	[Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD]

FALSTAFF	Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my
	sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love,
	and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not
	only, Mistress Ford, in the simple
	office of love, but in all the accoutrement,
	complement and ceremony of it. But are you
	sure of your husband now?

MISTRESS FORD	He's a-birding, sweet Sir John.

MISTRESS PAGE	[Within]  What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!

MISTRESS FORD	Step into the chamber, Sir John.

	[Exit FALSTAFF]

	[Enter MISTRESS PAGE]

MISTRESS PAGE	How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself?

MISTRESS FORD	Why, none but mine own people.

MISTRESS PAGE	Indeed!

MISTRESS FORD	No, certainly.

	[Aside to her]

	Speak louder.

MISTRESS PAGE	Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.

MISTRESS FORD	Why?

MISTRESS PAGE	Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again:
	he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails
	against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's
	daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets
	himself on the forehead, crying, 'Peer out, peer
	out!' that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but
	tameness, civility and patience, to this his
	distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.

MISTRESS FORD	Why, does he talk of him?

MISTRESS PAGE	Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the
	last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests
	to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and
	the rest of their company from their sport, to make
	another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad
	the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.

MISTRESS FORD	How near is he, Mistress Page?

MISTRESS PAGE	Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.

MISTRESS FORD	I am undone! The knight is here.

MISTRESS PAGE	Why then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead
	man. What a woman are you!--Away with him, away
	with him! better shame than murder.

FORD	Which way should be go? how should I bestow him?
	Shall I put him into the basket again?

	[Re-enter FALSTAFF]

FALSTAFF	No, I'll come no more i' the basket. May I not go
	out ere he come?

MISTRESS PAGE	Alas, three of Master Ford's brothers watch the door
	with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise
	you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?

FALSTAFF	What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney.

MISTRESS FORD	There they always use to discharge their
	birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole.

FALSTAFF	Where is it?

MISTRESS FORD	He will seek there, on my word. Neither press,
	coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an
	abstract for the remembrance of such places, and
	goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.

FALSTAFF	I'll go out then.

MISTRESS PAGE	If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir
	John. Unless you go out disguised--

MISTRESS FORD	How might we disguise him?

MISTRESS PAGE	Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman's gown
	big enough for him otherwise he might put on a hat,
	a muffler and a kerchief, and so escape.

FALSTAFF	Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather
	than a mischief.

MISTRESS FORD	My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a
	gown above.

MISTRESS PAGE	On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he
	is: and there's her thrummed hat and her muffler
	too. Run up, Sir John.

MISTRESS FORD	Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will
	look some linen for your head.

MISTRESS PAGE	Quick, quick! we'll come dress you straight: put
	on the gown the while.

	[Exit FALSTAFF]

MISTRESS FORD	I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he
	cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears
	she's a witch; forbade her my house and hath
	threatened to beat her.

MISTRESS PAGE	Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the
	devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

MISTRESS FORD	But is my husband coming?

MISTRESS PAGE	Ah, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket
	too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.

MISTRESS FORD	We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the
	basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as
	they did last time.

MISTRESS PAGE	Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him
	like the witch of Brentford.

MISTRESS FORD	I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the
	basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight.

	[Exit]

MISTRESS PAGE	Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.
	We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
	Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:
	We do not act that often jest and laugh;
	'Tis old, but true, Still swine eat all the draff.

	[Exit]

	[Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two Servants]

MISTRESS FORD	Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders:
	your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it
	down, obey him: quickly, dispatch.

	[Exit]

First Servant	Come, come, take it up.

Second Servant	Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.

First Servant	I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.

	[Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
	SIR HUGH EVANS]

FORD	Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any
	way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket,
	villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket!
	O you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a
	pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil
	be shamed. What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!
	Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching!

PAGE	Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go
	loose any longer; you must be pinioned.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!

SHALLOW	Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

FORD	So say I too, sir.

	[Re-enter MISTRESS FORD]

	Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford the honest
	woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that
	hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect
	without cause, mistress, do I?

MISTRESS FORD	Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in
	any dishonesty.

FORD	Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah!

	[Pulling clothes out of the basket]

PAGE	This passes!

MISTRESS FORD	Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.

FORD	I shall find you anon.

SIR HUGH EVANS	'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's
	clothes? Come away.

FORD	Empty the basket, I say!

MISTRESS FORD	Why, man, why?

FORD	Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed
	out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may
	not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is:
	my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.
	Pluck me out all the linen.

MISTRESS FORD	If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.

PAGE	Here's no man.

SHALLOW	By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this
	wrongs you.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the
	imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.

FORD	Well, he's not here I seek for.

PAGE	No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.

FORD	Help to search my house this one time. If I find
	not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let
	me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of
	me, 'As jealous as Ford, Chat searched a hollow
	walnut for his wife's leman.' Satisfy me once more;
	once more search with me.

MISTRESS FORD	What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman
	down; my husband will come into the chamber.

FORD	Old woman! what old woman's that?

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford.

FORD	A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not
	forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does
	she? We are simple men; we do not know what's
	brought to pass under the profession of
	fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells,
	by the figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond
	our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch,
	you hag, you; come down, I say!

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him
	not strike the old woman.

	[Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, and
	MISTRESS PAGE]

MISTRESS PAGE	Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.

FORD	I'll prat her.

	[Beating him]

	Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you
	polecat, you runyon! out, out! I'll conjure you,
	I'll fortune-tell you.

	[Exit FALSTAFF]

MISTRESS PAGE	Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the
	poor woman.

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, he will do it. 'Tis a goodly credit for you.

FORD	Hang her, witch!

SIR HUGH EVANS	By the yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch
	indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard;
	I spy a great peard under his muffler.

FORD	Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow;
	see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus
	upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.

PAGE	Let's obey his humour a little further: come,
	gentlemen.

	[Exeunt FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and
	SIR HUGH EVANS]

MISTRESS PAGE	Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.

MISTRESS FORD	Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most
	unpitifully, methought.

MISTRESS PAGE	I'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the
	altar; it hath done meritorious service.

MISTRESS FORD	What think you? may we, with the warrant of
	womanhood and the witness of a good conscience,
	pursue him with any further revenge?

MISTRESS PAGE	The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of
	him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with
	fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the
	way of waste, attempt us again.

MISTRESS FORD	Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?

MISTRESS PAGE	Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the
	figures out of your husband's brains. If they can
	find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight
	shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be
	the ministers.

MISTRESS FORD	I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed: and
	methinks there would be no period to the jest,
	should he not be publicly shamed.

MISTRESS PAGE	Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would
	not have things cool.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT IV



SCENE III	A room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter Host and BARDOLPH]

BARDOLPH	Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your
	horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at
	court, and they are going to meet him.

Host	What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear
	not of him in the court. Let me speak with the
	gentlemen: they speak English?

BARDOLPH	Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.

Host	They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay;
	I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at
	command; I have turned away my other guests: they
	must come off; I'll sauce them. Come.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT IV



SCENE IV	A room in FORD'S house.


	[Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD,
	and SIR HUGH EVANS]

SIR HUGH EVANS	'Tis one of the best discretions of a 'oman as ever
	I did look upon.

PAGE	And did he send you both these letters at an instant?

MISTRESS PAGE	Within a quarter of an hour.

FORD	Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt;
	I rather will suspect the sun with cold
	Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour stand
	In him that was of late an heretic,
	As firm as faith.

PAGE	'Tis well, 'tis well; no more:
	Be not as extreme in submission
	As in offence.
	But let our plot go forward: let our wives
	Yet once again, to make us public sport,
	Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,
	Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.

FORD	There is no better way than that they spoke of.

PAGE	How? to send him word they'll meet him in the park
	at midnight? Fie, fie! he'll never come.

SIR HUGH EVANS	You say he has been thrown in the rivers and has
	been grievously peaten as an old 'oman: methinks
	there should be terrors in him that he should not
	come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have
	no desires.

PAGE	So think I too.

MISTRESS FORD	Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,
	And let us two devise to bring him thither.

MISTRESS PAGE	There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter,
	Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,
	Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,
	Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;
	And there he blasts the tree and takes the cattle
	And makes milch-kine yield blood and shakes a chain
	In a most hideous and dreadful manner:
	You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know
	The superstitious idle-headed eld
	Received and did deliver to our age
	This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.

PAGE	Why, yet there want not many that do fear
	In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak:
	But what of this?

MISTRESS FORD	                  Marry, this is our device;
	That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.

PAGE	Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come:
	And in this shape when you have brought him thither,
	What shall be done with him? what is your plot?

MISTRESS PAGE	That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
	Nan Page my daughter and my little son
	And three or four more of their growth we'll dress
	Like urchins, ouphes and fairies, green and white,
	With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,
	And rattles in their hands: upon a sudden,
	As Falstaff, she and I, are newly met,
	Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
	With some diffused song: upon their sight,
	We two in great amazedness will fly:
	Then let them all encircle him about
	And, fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight,
	And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
	In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
	In shape profane.

MISTRESS FORD	                  And till he tell the truth,
	Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound
	And burn him with their tapers.

MISTRESS PAGE	The truth being known,
	We'll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,
	And mock him home to Windsor.

FORD	The children must
	Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't.

SIR HUGH EVANS	I will teach the children their behaviors; and I
	will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the
	knight with my taber.

FORD	That will be excellent. I'll go and buy them vizards.

MISTRESS PAGE	My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,
	Finely attired in a robe of white.

PAGE	That silk will I go buy.

	[Aside]

		   And in that time
	Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away
	And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.

FORD	Nay I'll to him again in name of Brook
	He'll tell me all his purpose: sure, he'll come.

MISTRESS PAGE	Fear not you that. Go get us properties
	And tricking for our fairies.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures and fery
	honest knaveries.

	[Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and SIR HUGH EVANS]

MISTRESS PAGE	Go, Mistress Ford,
	Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.

	[Exit MISTRESS FORD]

	I'll to the doctor: he hath my good will,
	And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
	That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;
	And he my husband best of all affects.
	The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
	Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
	Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.

	[Exit]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT IV



SCENE V	A room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter Host and SIMPLE]

Host	What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?
	speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.

SIMPLE	Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
	from Master Slender.

Host	There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his
	standing-bed and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about
	with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go
	knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian
	unto thee: knock, I say.

SIMPLE	There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his
	chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come
	down; I come to speak with her, indeed.

Host	Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll
	call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from
	thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine
	host, thine Ephesian, calls.

FALSTAFF	[Above]  How now, mine host!

Host	Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of
	thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her
	descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy?
	fie!

	[Enter FALSTAFF]

FALSTAFF	There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with
	me; but she's gone.

SIMPLE	Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of
	Brentford?

FALSTAFF	Ay, marry, was it, mussel-shell: what would you with her?

SIMPLE	My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing
	her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether
	one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the
	chain or no.

FALSTAFF	I spake with the old woman about it.

SIMPLE	And what says she, I pray, sir?

FALSTAFF	Marry, she says that the very same man that
	beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of
	it.

SIMPLE	I would I could have spoken with the woman herself;
	I had other things to have spoken with her too from
	him.

FALSTAFF	What are they? let us know.

Host	Ay, come; quick.

SIMPLE	I may not conceal them, sir.

Host	Conceal them, or thou diest.

SIMPLE	Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne
	Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to
	have her or no.

FALSTAFF	'Tis, 'tis his fortune.

SIMPLE	What, sir?

FALSTAFF	To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.

SIMPLE	May I be bold to say so, sir?

FALSTAFF	Ay, sir; like who more bold.

SIMPLE	I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad
	with these tidings.

	[Exit]

Host	Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was
	there a wise woman with thee?

FALSTAFF	Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught
	me more wit than ever I learned before in my life;
	and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for
	my learning.

	[Enter BARDOLPH]

BARDOLPH	Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!

Host	Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.

BARDOLPH	Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came
	beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of
	them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,
	like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

Host	They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not
	say they be fled; Germans are honest men.

	[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS]

SIR HUGH EVANS	Where is mine host?

Host	What is the matter, sir?

SIR HUGH EVANS	Have a care of your entertainments: there is a
	friend of mine come to town tells me there is three
	cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of
	Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and
	money. I tell you for good will, look you: you
	are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and
	'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.

	[Exit]

	[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

DOCTOR CAIUS	Vere is mine host de Jarteer?

Host	Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

DOCTOR CAIUS	I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
	you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by
	my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to
	come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.

	[Exit]

Host	Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am
	undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!

	[Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH]

FALSTAFF	I would all the world might be cozened; for I have
	been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to
	the ear of the court, how I have been transformed
	and how my transformation hath been washed and
	cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by
	drop and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant
	they would whip me with their fine wits till I were
	as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered
	since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my
	wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.

	[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY]

	Now, whence come you?

MISTRESS QUICKLY	From the two parties, forsooth.

FALSTAFF	The devil take one party and his dam the other! and
	so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more
	for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy
	of man's disposition is able to bear.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant;
	speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart,
	is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a
	white spot about her.

FALSTAFF	What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was
	beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow;
	and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of
	Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit,
	my counterfeiting the action of an old woman,
	delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the
	stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you
	shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your
	content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good
	hearts, what ado here is to bring you together!
	Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that
	you are so crossed.

FALSTAFF	Come up into my chamber.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT IV



SCENE VI	Another room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter FENTON and Host]

Host	Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I
	will give over all.

FENTON	Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,
	And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee
	A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.

Host	I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the
	least keep your counsel.

FENTON	From time to time I have acquainted you
	With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;
	Who mutually hath answer'd my affection,
	So far forth as herself might be her chooser,
	Even to my wish: I have a letter from her
	Of such contents as you will wonder at;
	The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,
	That neither singly can be manifested,
	Without the show of both; fat Falstaff
	Hath a great scene: the image of the jest
	I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.
	To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one,
	Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;
	The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,
	While other jests are something rank on foot,
	Her father hath commanded her to slip
	Away with Slender and with him at Eton
	Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Now, sir,
	Her mother, ever strong against that match
	And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed
	That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
	While other sports are tasking of their minds,
	And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
	Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot
	She seemingly obedient likewise hath
	Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:
	Her father means she shall be all in white,
	And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
	To take her by the hand and bid her go,
	She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,
	The better to denote her to the doctor,
	For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,
	That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,
	With ribands pendent, flaring 'bout her head;
	And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,
	To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,
	The maid hath given consent to go with him.

Host	Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

FENTON	Both, my good host, to go along with me:
	And here it rests, that you'll procure the vicar
	To stay for me at church 'twixt twelve and one,
	And, in the lawful name of marrying,
	To give our hearts united ceremony.

Host	Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar:
	Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.

FENTON	So shall I evermore be bound to thee;
	Besides, I'll make a present recompense.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT V



SCENE I	A room in the Garter Inn.


	[Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY]

FALSTAFF	Prithee, no more prattling; go. I'll hold. This is
	the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd
	numbers. Away I go. They say there is divinity in
	odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!

MISTRESS QUICKLY	I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to
	get you a pair of horns.

FALSTAFF	Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince.

	[Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY]

	[Enter FORD]

	How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter
	will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the
	Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall
	see wonders.

FORD	Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me
	you had appointed?

FALSTAFF	I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor
	old man: but I came from her, Master Brook, like a
	poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband,
	hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him,
	Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell
	you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a
	woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear
	not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know
	also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along
	with me: I'll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I
	plucked geese, played truant and whipped top, I knew
	not what 'twas to be beaten till lately. Follow
	me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave
	Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I
	will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow.
	Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT V



SCENE II	Windsor Park.


	[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

PAGE	Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-ditch till we
	see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender,
	my daughter.

SLENDER	Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a
	nay-word how to know one another: I come to her in
	white, and cry 'mum;' she cries 'budget;' and by
	that we know one another.

SHALLOW	That's good too: but what needs either your 'mum'
	or her 'budget?' the white will decipher her well
	enough. It hath struck ten o'clock.

PAGE	The night is dark; light and spirits will become it
	well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil
	but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns.
	Let's away; follow me.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT V



SCENE III	A street leading to the Park.


	[Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and
	DOCTOR CAIUS]

MISTRESS PAGE	Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you
	see your time, take her by the band, away with her
	to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before
	into the Park: we two must go together.

DOCTOR CAIUS	I know vat I have to do. Adieu.

MISTRESS PAGE	Fare you well, sir.

	[Exit DOCTOR CAIUS]

	My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of
	Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying
	my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little
	chiding than a great deal of heart-break.

MISTRESS FORD	Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the
	Welsh devil Hugh?

MISTRESS PAGE	They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak,
	with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of
	Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once
	display to the night.

MISTRESS FORD	That cannot choose but amaze him.

MISTRESS PAGE	If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be
	amazed, he will every way be mocked.

MISTRESS FORD	We'll betray him finely.

MISTRESS PAGE	Against such lewdsters and their lechery
	Those that betray them do no treachery.

MISTRESS FORD	The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak!

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT V



SCENE IV	Windsor Park.


	[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised, with others as Fairies]

SIR HUGH EVANS	Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts:
	be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and
	when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you:
	come, come; trib, trib.

	[Exeunt]




	THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR


ACT V



SCENE V	Another part of the Park.


	[Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne]

FALSTAFF	The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute
	draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!
	Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love
	set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some
	respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man
	a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love
	of Leda. O omnipotent Love! how near the god drew
	to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in
	the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And
	then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think
	on 't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot
	backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a
	Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the
	forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can
	blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my
	doe?

	[Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE]

MISTRESS FORD	Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer?

FALSTAFF	My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain
	potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green
	Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let
	there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.

MISTRESS FORD	Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

FALSTAFF	Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will
	keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow
	of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands.
	Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter?
	Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes
	restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome!

	[Noise within]

MISTRESS PAGE	Alas, what noise?

MISTRESS FORD	Heaven forgive our sins

FALSTAFF	What should this be?


MISTRESS FORD	|
	|  Away, away!
MISTRESS PAGE	|


	[They run off]

FALSTAFF	I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the
	oil that's in me should set hell on fire; he would
	never else cross me thus.

	[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL,
	as Hobgoblin; MISTRESS QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and
	others, as Fairies, with tapers]

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,
	You moonshine revellers and shades of night,
	You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,
	Attend your office and your quality.
	Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

PISTOL	Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.
	Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:
	Where fires thou find'st unraked and hearths unswept,
	There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:
	Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.

FALSTAFF	They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:
	I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye.

	[Lies down upon his face]

SIR HUGH EVANS	Where's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid
	That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
	Raise up the organs of her fantasy;
	Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:
	But those as sleep and think not on their sins,
	Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides and shins.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	About, about;
	Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:
	Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room:
	That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
	In state as wholesome as in state 'tis fit,
	Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
	The several chairs of order look you scour
	With juice of balm and every precious flower:
	Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,
	With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!
	And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,
	Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring:
	The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
	More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
	And 'Honi soit qui mal y pense' write
	In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white;
	Let sapphire, pearl and rich embroidery,
	Buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee:
	Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
	Away; disperse: but till 'tis one o'clock,
	Our dance of custom round about the oak
	Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set
	And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,
	To guide our measure round about the tree.
	But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth.

FALSTAFF	Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he
	transform me to a piece of cheese!

PISTOL	Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY	With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:
	If he be chaste, the flame will back descend
	And turn him to no pain; but if he start,
	It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.

PISTOL	A trial, come.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Come, will this wood take fire?

	[They burn him with their tapers]

FALSTAFF	Oh, Oh, Oh!

MISTRESS QUICKLY	Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
	About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;
	And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.
	
	SONG.
	Fie on sinful fantasy!
	Fie on lust and luxury!
	Lust is but a bloody fire,
	Kindled with unchaste desire,
	Fed in heart, whose flames aspire
	As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.
	Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
	Pinch him for his villany;
	Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,
	Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

	[During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS
	comes one way, and steals away a boy in green;
	SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white;
	and FENTON comes and steals away ANN PAGE.
	A noise of hunting is heard within. All the
	Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's
	head, and rises]

	[Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, and MISTRESS FORD]

PAGE	Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch'd you now
	Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?

MISTRESS PAGE	I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher
	Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
	See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes
	Become the forest better than the town?

FORD	Now, sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook,
	Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his
	horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath
	enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his
	cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be
	paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for
	it, Master Brook.

MISTRESS FORD	Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet.
	I will never take you for my love again; but I will
	always count you my deer.

FALSTAFF	I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.

FORD	Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.

FALSTAFF	And these are not fairies? I was three or four
	times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet
	the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my
	powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a
	received belief, in despite of the teeth of all
	rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now
	how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when 'tis upon
	ill employment!

SIR HUGH EVANS	Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your
	desires, and fairies will not pinse you.

FORD	Well said, fairy Hugh.

SIR HUGH EVANS	And leave your jealousies too, I pray you.

FORD	I will never mistrust my wife again till thou art
	able to woo her in good English.

FALSTAFF	Have I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that
	it wants matter to prevent so gross o'erreaching as
	this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I
	have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I were choked
	with a piece of toasted cheese.

SIR HUGH EVANS	Seese is not good to give putter; your belly is all putter.

FALSTAFF	'Seese' and 'putter'! have I lived to stand at the
	taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This
	is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking
	through the realm.

MISTRESS PAGE	Why Sir John, do you think, though we would have the
	virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders
	and have given ourselves without scruple to hell,
	that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

FORD	What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?

MISTRESS PAGE	A puffed man?

PAGE	Old, cold, withered and of intolerable entrails?

FORD	And one that is as slanderous as Satan?

PAGE	And as poor as Job?

FORD	And as wicked as his wife?

SIR HUGH EVANS	And given to fornications, and to taverns and sack
	and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and
	swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?

FALSTAFF	Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I
	am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh
	flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use
	me as you will.

FORD	Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one
	Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to
	whom you should have been a pander: over and above
	that you have suffered, I think to repay that money
	will be a biting affliction.

PAGE	Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset
	to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to
	laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her
	Master Slender hath married her daughter.

MISTRESS PAGE	[Aside]  Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my
	daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius' wife.

	[Enter SLENDER]

SLENDER	Whoa ho! ho, father Page!

PAGE	Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?

SLENDER	Dispatched! I'll make the best in Gloucestershire
	know on't; would I were hanged, la, else.

PAGE	Of what, son?

SLENDER	I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page,
	and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been
	i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he
	should have swinged me. If I did not think it had
	been Anne Page, would I might never stir!--and 'tis
	a postmaster's boy.

PAGE	Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

SLENDER	What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took
	a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for
	all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had
	him.

PAGE	Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how
	you should know my daughter by her garments?

SLENDER	I went to her in white, and cried 'mum,' and she
	cried 'budget,' as Anne and I had appointed; and yet
	it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy.

MISTRESS PAGE	Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose;
	turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is
	now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.

	[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]

DOCTOR CAIUS	Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha'
	married un garcon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy;
	it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.

MISTRESS PAGE	Why, did you take her in green?

DOCTOR CAIUS	Ay, by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll raise all Windsor.

	[Exit]

FORD	This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?

PAGE	My heart misgives me: here comes Master Fenton.

	[Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE]

	How now, Master Fenton!

ANNE PAGE	Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!

PAGE	Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender?

MISTRESS PAGE	Why went you not with master doctor, maid?

FENTON	You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.
	You would have married her most shamefully,
	Where there was no proportion held in love.
	The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,
	Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.
	The offence is holy that she hath committed;
	And this deceit loses the name of craft,
	Of disobedience, or unduteous title,
	Since therein she doth evitate and shun
	A thousand irreligious cursed hours,
	Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

FORD	Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:
	In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;
	Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.

FALSTAFF	I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to
	strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.

PAGE	Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
	What cannot be eschew'd must be embraced.

FALSTAFF	When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.

MISTRESS PAGE	Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,
	Heaven give you many, many merry days!
	Good husband, let us every one go home,
	And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire;
	Sir John and all.

FORD	                  Let it be so. Sir John,
	To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word
	For he tonight shall lie with Mistress Ford.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


DON PEDRO	prince of Arragon.

DON JOHN	his bastard brother.

CLAUDIO	a young lord of Florence.

BENEDICK	a young lord of Padua.

LEONATO	governor of Messina.

ANTONIO	his brother.

BALTHASAR	attendant on Don Pedro.


CONRADE	|
	|  followers of Don John.
BORACHIO	|


FRIAR FRANCIS:

DOGBERRY	a constable.

VERGES	a headborough.
	A Sexton.
	A Boy.

HERO	daughter to Leonato.

BEATRICE	niece to Leonato.


MARGARET	|
	|  gentlewomen attending on Hero.
URSULA	|


	Messengers, Watch, Attendants, &c. (Lord:)
	(Messenger:)
	(Watchman:)
	(First Watchman:)
	(Second Watchman:)


SCENE	Messina.




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT I



SCENE I	Before LEONATO'S house.


	[Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a
	Messenger]

LEONATO	I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon
	comes this night to Messina.

Messenger	He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off
	when I left him.

LEONATO	How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

Messenger	But few of any sort, and none of name.

LEONATO	A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings
	home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath
	bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.

Messenger	Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by
	Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the
	promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb,
	the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better
	bettered expectation than you must expect of me to
	tell you how.

LEONATO	He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much
	glad of it.

Messenger	I have already delivered him letters, and there
	appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could
	not show itself modest enough without a badge of
	bitterness.

LEONATO	Did he break out into tears?

Messenger	In great measure.

LEONATO	A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces
	truer than those that are so washed. How much
	better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!

BEATRICE	I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the
	wars or no?

Messenger	I know none of that name, lady: there was none such
	in the army of any sort.

LEONATO	What is he that you ask for, niece?

HERO	My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

Messenger	O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.

BEATRICE	He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged
	Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool, reading
	the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged
	him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he
	killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath
	he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

LEONATO	Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much;
	but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.

Messenger	He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

BEATRICE	You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it:
	he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an
	excellent stomach.

Messenger	And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE	And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?

Messenger	A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all
	honourable virtues.

BEATRICE	It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man:
	but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.

LEONATO	You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a
	kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:
	they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit
	between them.

BEATRICE	Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last
	conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and
	now is the whole man governed with one: so that if
	he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him
	bear it for a difference between himself and his
	horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left,
	to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his
	companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

Messenger	Is't possible?

BEATRICE	Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as
	the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the
	next block.

Messenger	I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

BEATRICE	No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray
	you, who is his companion? Is there no young
	squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?

Messenger	He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

BEATRICE	O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he
	is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker
	runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
	he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a
	thousand pound ere a' be cured.

Messenger	I will hold friends with you, lady.

BEATRICE	Do, good friend.

LEONATO	You will never run mad, niece.

BEATRICE	No, not till a hot January.

Messenger	Don Pedro is approached.

	[Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK,
	and BALTHASAR]

DON PEDRO	Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your
	trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid
	cost, and you encounter it.

LEONATO	Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of
	your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should
	remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides
	and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO	You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this
	is your daughter.

LEONATO	Her mother hath many times told me so.

BENEDICK	Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?

LEONATO	Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

DON PEDRO	You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this
	what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers
	herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an
	honourable father.

BENEDICK	If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
	have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as
	like him as she is.

BEATRICE	I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
	Benedick: nobody marks you.

BENEDICK	What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

BEATRICE	Is it possible disdain should die while she hath
	such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
	Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come
	in her presence.

BENEDICK	Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
	am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I
	would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard
	heart; for, truly, I love none.

BEATRICE	A dear happiness to women: they would else have
	been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
	and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I
	had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
	swear he loves me.

BENEDICK	God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some
	gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate
	scratched face.

BEATRICE	Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such
	a face as yours were.

BENEDICK	Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEATRICE	A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICK	I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and
	so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's
	name; I have done.

BEATRICE	You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

DON PEDRO	That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio
	and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath
	invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at
	the least a month; and he heartily prays some
	occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no
	hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

LEONATO	If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.

	[To DON JOHN]

	Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to
	the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

DON JOHN	I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank
	you.

LEONATO	Please it your grace lead on?

DON PEDRO	Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

	[Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO]

CLAUDIO	Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

BENEDICK	I noted her not; but I looked on her.

CLAUDIO	Is she not a modest young lady?

BENEDICK	Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for
	my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak
	after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

CLAUDIO	No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

BENEDICK	Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high
	praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little
	for a great praise: only this commendation I can
	afford her, that were she other than she is, she
	were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I
	do not like her.

CLAUDIO	Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me
	truly how thou likest her.

BENEDICK	Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

CLAUDIO	Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENEDICK	Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this
	with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack,
	to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a
	rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take
	you, to go in the song?

CLAUDIO	In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I
	looked on.

BENEDICK	I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such
	matter: there's her cousin, an she were not
	possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty
	as the first of May doth the last of December. But I
	hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

CLAUDIO	I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the
	contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK	Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world
	one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion?
	Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again?
	Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck
	into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away
	Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

	[Re-enter DON PEDRO]

DON PEDRO	What secret hath held you here, that you followed
	not to Leonato's?

BENEDICK	I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

DON PEDRO	I charge thee on thy allegiance.

BENEDICK	You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb
	man; I would have you think so; but, on my
	allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is
	in love. With who? now that is your grace's part.
	Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leonato's
	short daughter.

CLAUDIO	If this were so, so were it uttered.

BENEDICK	Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor
	'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should be
	so.'

CLAUDIO	If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it
	should be otherwise.

DON PEDRO	Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

CLAUDIO	You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

DON PEDRO	By my troth, I speak my thought.

CLAUDIO	And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

BENEDICK	And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

CLAUDIO	That I love her, I feel.

DON PEDRO	That she is worthy, I know.

BENEDICK	That I neither feel how she should be loved nor
	know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that
	fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake.

DON PEDRO	Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite
	of beauty.

CLAUDIO	And never could maintain his part but in the force
	of his will.

BENEDICK	That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she
	brought me up, I likewise give her most humble
	thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my
	forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,
	all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do
	them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the
	right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which
	I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO	I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

BENEDICK	With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord,
	not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood
	with love than I will get again with drinking, pick
	out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me
	up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of
	blind Cupid.

DON PEDRO	Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou
	wilt prove a notable argument.

BENEDICK	If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot
	at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on
	the shoulder, and called Adam.

DON PEDRO	Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull
	doth bear the yoke.'

BENEDICK	The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible
	Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set
	them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted,
	and in such great letters as they write 'Here is
	good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign
	'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

CLAUDIO	If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

DON PEDRO	Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in
	Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.

BENEDICK	I look for an earthquake too, then.

DON PEDRO	Well, you temporize with the hours. In the
	meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to
	Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will
	not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made
	great preparation.

BENEDICK	I have almost matter enough in me for such an
	embassage; and so I commit you--

CLAUDIO	To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,--

DON PEDRO	The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.

BENEDICK	Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your
	discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and
	the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere
	you flout old ends any further, examine your
	conscience: and so I leave you.

	[Exit]

CLAUDIO	My liege, your highness now may do me good.

DON PEDRO	My love is thine to teach: teach it but how,
	And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
	Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

CLAUDIO	Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

DON PEDRO	No child but Hero; she's his only heir.
	Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

CLAUDIO	O, my lord,
	When you went onward on this ended action,
	I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
	That liked, but had a rougher task in hand
	Than to drive liking to the name of love:
	But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts
	Have left their places vacant, in their rooms
	Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
	All prompting me how fair young Hero is,
	Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars.

DON PEDRO	Thou wilt be like a lover presently
	And tire the hearer with a book of words.
	If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
	And I will break with her and with her father,
	And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end
	That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

CLAUDIO	How sweetly you do minister to love,
	That know love's grief by his complexion!
	But lest my liking might too sudden seem,
	I would have salved it with a longer treatise.

DON PEDRO	What need the bridge much broader than the flood?
	The fairest grant is the necessity.
	Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest,
	And I will fit thee with the remedy.
	I know we shall have revelling to-night:
	I will assume thy part in some disguise
	And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,
	And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
	And take her hearing prisoner with the force
	And strong encounter of my amorous tale:
	Then after to her father will I break;
	And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
	In practise let us put it presently.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT I



SCENE II	A room in LEONATO's house.


	[Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting]

LEONATO	How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son?
	hath he provided this music?

ANTONIO	He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell
	you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.

LEONATO	Are they good?

ANTONIO	As the event stamps them: but they have a good
	cover; they show well outward. The prince and Count
	Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine
	orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine:
	the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my
	niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it
	this night in a dance: and if he found her
	accordant, he meant to take the present time by the
	top and instantly break with you of it.

LEONATO	Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?

ANTONIO	A good sharp fellow: I will send for him; and
	question him yourself.

LEONATO	No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear
	itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal,
	that she may be the better prepared for an answer,
	if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it.

	[Enter Attendants]

	Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you
	mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your
	skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT I



SCENE III	The same.


	[Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE]

CONRADE	What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out
	of measure sad?

DON JOHN	There is no measure in the occasion that breeds;
	therefore the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE	You should hear reason.

DON JOHN	And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

CONRADE	If not a present remedy, at least a patient
	sufferance.

DON JOHN	I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,
	born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral
	medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide
	what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile
	at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait
	for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and
	tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and
	claw no man in his humour.

CONRADE	Yea, but you must not make the full show of this
	till you may do it without controlment. You have of
	late stood out against your brother, and he hath
	ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is
	impossible you should take true root but by the
	fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful
	that you frame the season for your own harvest.

DON JOHN	I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in
	his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
	disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob
	love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to
	be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied
	but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with
	a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
	have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my
	mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
	my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and
	seek not to alter me.

CONRADE	Can you make no use of your discontent?

DON JOHN	I make all use of it, for I use it only.
	Who comes here?

	[Enter BORACHIO]

	What news, Borachio?

BORACHIO	I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your
	brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I
	can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

DON JOHN	Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?
	What is he for a fool that betroths himself to
	unquietness?

BORACHIO	Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

DON JOHN	Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

BORACHIO	Even he.

DON JOHN	A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks
	he?

BORACHIO	Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

DON JOHN	A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

BORACHIO	Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a
	musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand
	in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the
	arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the
	prince should woo Hero for himself, and having
	obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

DON JOHN	Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to
	my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the
	glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I
	bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?

CONRADE	To the death, my lord.

DON JOHN	Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the
	greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of
	my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?

BORACHIO	We'll wait upon your lordship.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT II



SCENE I	A hall in LEONATO'S house.


	[Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others]


LEONATO	Was not Count John here at supper?

ANTONIO	I saw him not.

BEATRICE	How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see
	him but I am heart-burned an hour after.

HERO	He is of a very melancholy disposition.

BEATRICE	He were an excellent man that were made just in the
	midway between him and Benedick: the one is too
	like an image and says nothing, and the other too
	like my lady's eldest son, evermore tattling.

LEONATO	Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's
	mouth, and half Count John's melancholy in Signior
	Benedick's face,--

BEATRICE	With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money
	enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman
	in the world, if a' could get her good-will.

LEONATO	By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a
	husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

ANTONIO	In faith, she's too curst.

BEATRICE	Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's
	sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a curst
	cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends none.

LEONATO	So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

BEATRICE	Just, if he send me no husband; for the which
	blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and
	evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a
	beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.

LEONATO	You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

BEATRICE	What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel
	and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a
	beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no
	beard is less than a man: and he that is more than
	a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a
	man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take
	sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his
	apes into hell.

LEONATO	Well, then, go you into hell?

BEATRICE	No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet
	me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and
	say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to
	heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver
	I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the
	heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and
	there live we as merry as the day is long.

ANTONIO	[To HERO]  Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled
	by your father.

BEATRICE	Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy
	and say 'Father, as it please you.' But yet for all
	that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else
	make another curtsy and say 'Father, as it please
	me.'

LEONATO	Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

BEATRICE	Not till God make men of some other metal than
	earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be
	overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make
	an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
	No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren;
	and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEONATO	Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince
	do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

BEATRICE	The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be
	not wooed in good time: if the prince be too
	important, tell him there is measure in every thing
	and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero:
	wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig,
	a measure, and a cinque pace: the first suit is hot
	and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as
	fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a
	measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes
	repentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the
	cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

LEONATO	Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE	I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.

LEONATO	The revellers are entering, brother: make good room.

	[All put on their masks]

	[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR,
	DON JOHN, BORACHIO, MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked]

DON PEDRO	Lady, will you walk about with your friend?

HERO	So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing,
	I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.

DON PEDRO	With me in your company?

HERO	I may say so, when I please.

DON PEDRO	And when please you to say so?

HERO	When I like your favour; for God defend the lute
	should be like the case!

DON PEDRO	My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove.

HERO	Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

DON PEDRO	Speak low, if you speak love.

	[Drawing her aside]

BALTHASAR	Well, I would you did like me.

MARGARET	So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many
	ill-qualities.

BALTHASAR	Which is one?

MARGARET	I say my prayers aloud.

BALTHASAR	I love you the better: the hearers may cry, Amen.

MARGARET	God match me with a good dancer!

BALTHASAR	Amen.

MARGARET	And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is
	done! Answer, clerk.

BALTHASAR	No more words: the clerk is answered.

URSULA	I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio.

ANTONIO	At a word, I am not.

URSULA	I know you by the waggling of your head.

ANTONIO	To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

URSULA	You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were
	the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down: you
	are he, you are he.

ANTONIO	At a word, I am not.

URSULA	Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
	excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? Go to,
	mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's an
	end.

BEATRICE	Will you not tell me who told you so?

BENEDICK	No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE	Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BENEDICK	Not now.

BEATRICE	That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit
	out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales:'--well this was
	Signior Benedick that said so.

BENEDICK	What's he?

BEATRICE	I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK	Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE	Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK	I pray you, what is he?

BEATRICE	Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool;
	only his gift is in devising impossible slanders:
	none but libertines delight in him; and the
	commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany;
	for he both pleases men and angers them, and then
	they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
	the fleet: I would he had boarded me.

BENEDICK	When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.

BEATRICE	Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me;
	which, peradventure not marked or not laughed at,
	strikes him into melancholy; and then there's a
	partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no
	supper that night.

	[Music]

	We must follow the leaders.

BENEDICK	In every good thing.

BEATRICE	Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at
	the next turning.

	[Dance. Then exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO,
	and CLAUDIO]

DON JOHN	Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath
	withdrawn her father to break with him about it.
	The ladies follow her and but one visor remains.

BORACHIO	And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.

DON JOHN	Are not you Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO	You know me well; I am he.

DON JOHN	Signior, you are very near my brother in his love:
	he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him
	from her: she is no equal for his birth: you may
	do the part of an honest man in it.

CLAUDIO	How know you he loves her?

DON JOHN	I heard him swear his affection.

BORACHIO	So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night.

DON JOHN	Come, let us to the banquet.

	[Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO]

CLAUDIO	Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
	But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
	'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself.
	Friendship is constant in all other things
	Save in the office and affairs of love:
	Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues;
	Let every eye negotiate for itself
	And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
	Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
	This is an accident of hourly proof,
	Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!

	[Re-enter BENEDICK]

BENEDICK	Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO	Yea, the same.

BENEDICK	Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO	Whither?

BENEDICK	Even to the next willow, about your own business,
	county. What fashion will you wear the garland of?
	about your neck, like an usurer's chain? or under
	your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear
	it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero.

CLAUDIO	I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK	Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so they
	sell bullocks. But did you think the prince would
	have served you thus?

CLAUDIO	I pray you, leave me.

BENEDICK	Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas the
	boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.

CLAUDIO	If it will not be, I'll leave you.

	[Exit]

BENEDICK	Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges.
	But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not
	know me! The prince's fool! Ha? It may be I go
	under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I
	am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it
	is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
	that puts the world into her person and so gives me
	out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.

	[Re-enter DON PEDRO]

DON PEDRO	Now, signior, where's the count? did you see him?

BENEDICK	Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame.
	I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a
	warren: I told him, and I think I told him true,
	that your grace had got the good will of this young
	lady; and I offered him my company to a willow-tree,
	either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or
	to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.

DON PEDRO	To be whipped! What's his fault?

BENEDICK	The flat transgression of a schoolboy, who, being
	overjoyed with finding a birds' nest, shows it his
	companion, and he steals it.

DON PEDRO	Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The
	transgression is in the stealer.

BENEDICK	Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made,
	and the garland too; for the garland he might have
	worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on
	you, who, as I take it, have stolen his birds' nest.

DON PEDRO	I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to
	the owner.

BENEDICK	If their singing answer your saying, by my faith,
	you say honestly.

DON PEDRO	The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the
	gentleman that danced with her told her she is much
	wronged by you.

BENEDICK	O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!
	an oak but with one green leaf on it would have
	answered her; my very visor began to assume life and
	scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been
	myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was
	duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest
	with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood
	like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at
	me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs:
	if her breath were as terrible as her terminations,
	there were no living near her; she would infect to
	the north star. I would not marry her, though she
	were endowed with all that Adam bad left him before
	he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have
	turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make
	the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall find
	her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God
	some scholar would conjure her; for certainly, while
	she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a
	sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they
	would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet, horror
	and perturbation follows her.

DON PEDRO	Look, here she comes.

	[Enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONATO]

BENEDICK	Will your grace command me any service to the
	world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now
	to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on;
	I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the
	furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of
	Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great
	Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies,
	rather than hold three words' conference with this
	harpy. You have no employment for me?

DON PEDRO	None, but to desire your good company.

BENEDICK	O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I cannot
	endure my Lady Tongue.

	[Exit]

DON PEDRO	Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of
	Signior Benedick.

BEATRICE	Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave
	him use for it, a double heart for his single one:
	marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,
	therefore your grace may well say I have lost it.

DON PEDRO	You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

BEATRICE	So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I
	should prove the mother of fools. I have brought
	Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.

DON PEDRO	Why, how now, count! wherefore are you sad?

CLAUDIO	Not sad, my lord.

DON PEDRO	How then? sick?

CLAUDIO	Neither, my lord.

BEATRICE	The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor
	well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and
	something of that jealous complexion.

DON PEDRO	I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true;
	though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is
	false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and
	fair Hero is won: I have broke with her father,
	and his good will obtained: name the day of
	marriage, and God give thee joy!

LEONATO	Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my
	fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and an
	grace say Amen to it.

BEATRICE	Speak, count, 'tis your cue.

CLAUDIO	Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were
	but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as
	you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for
	you and dote upon the exchange.

BEATRICE	Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth
	with a kiss, and let not him speak neither.

DON PEDRO	In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

BEATRICE	Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on
	the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his
	ear that he is in her heart.

CLAUDIO	And so she doth, cousin.

BEATRICE	Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the
	world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a
	corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!

DON PEDRO	Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE	I would rather have one of your father's getting.
	Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? Your
	father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.

DON PEDRO	Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE	No, my lord, unless I might have another for
	working-days: your grace is too costly to wear
	every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I
	was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

DON PEDRO	Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
	becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in
	a merry hour.

BEATRICE	No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there
	was a star danced, and under that was I born.
	Cousins, God give you joy!

LEONATO	Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

BEATRICE	I cry you mercy, uncle. By your grace's pardon.

	[Exit]

DON PEDRO	By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

LEONATO	There's little of the melancholy element in her, my
	lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps, and
	not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say,
	she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked
	herself with laughing.

DON PEDRO	She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

LEONATO	O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.

DON PEDRO	She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

LEONATO	O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married,
	they would talk themselves mad.

DON PEDRO	County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

CLAUDIO	To-morrow, my lord: time goes on crutches till love
	have all his rites.

LEONATO	Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
	seven-night; and a time too brief, too, to have all
	things answer my mind.

DON PEDRO	Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing:
	but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
	dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of
	Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Signior
	Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of
	affection the one with the other. I would fain have
	it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if
	you three will but minister such assistance as I
	shall give you direction.

LEONATO	My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten
	nights' watchings.

CLAUDIO	And I, my lord.

DON PEDRO	And you too, gentle Hero?

HERO	I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my
	cousin to a good husband.

DON PEDRO	And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that
	I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a noble
	strain, of approved valour and confirmed honesty. I
	will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she
	shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with your
	two helps, will so practise on Benedick that, in
	despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
	shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this,
	Cupid is no longer an archer: his glory shall be
	ours, for we are the only love-gods. Go in with me,
	and I will tell you my drift.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT II



SCENE II	The same.


	[Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO]

DON JOHN	It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the
	daughter of Leonato.

BORACHIO	Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.

DON JOHN	Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be
	medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him,
	and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges
	evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage?

BORACHIO	Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that no
	dishonesty shall appear in me.

DON JOHN	Show me briefly how.

BORACHIO	I think I told your lordship a year since, how much
	I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting
	gentlewoman to Hero.

DON JOHN	I remember.

BORACHIO	I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night,
	appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window.

DON JOHN	What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?

BORACHIO	The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to
	the prince your brother; spare not to tell him that
	he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned
	Claudio--whose estimation do you mightily hold
	up--to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.

DON JOHN	What proof shall I make of that?

BORACHIO	Proof enough to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio,
	to undo Hero and kill Leonato. Look you for any
	other issue?

DON JOHN	Only to despite them, I will endeavour any thing.

BORACHIO	Go, then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and
	the Count Claudio alone: tell them that you know
	that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to the
	prince and Claudio, as,--in love of your brother's
	honour, who hath made this match, and his friend's
	reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the
	semblance of a maid,--that you have discovered
	thus. They will scarcely believe this without trial:
	offer them instances; which shall bear no less
	likelihood than to see me at her chamber-window,
	hear me call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me
	Claudio; and bring them to see this the very night
	before the intended wedding,--for in the meantime I
	will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be
	absent,--and there shall appear such seeming truth
	of Hero's disloyalty that jealousy shall be called
	assurance and all the preparation overthrown.

DON JOHN	Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put
	it in practise. Be cunning in the working this, and
	thy fee is a thousand ducats.

BORACHIO	Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning
	shall not shame me.

DON JOHN	I will presently go learn their day of marriage.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT II



SCENE III	LEONATO'S orchard.


	[Enter BENEDICK]

BENEDICK	Boy!

	[Enter Boy]

Boy	Signior?

BENEDICK	In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it hither
	to me in the orchard.

Boy	I am here already, sir.

BENEDICK	I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here again.

	[Exit Boy]

	I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much
	another man is a fool when he dedicates his
	behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at
	such shallow follies in others, become the argument
	of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a man
	is Claudio. I have known when there was no music
	with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he
	rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have known
	when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a
	good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake,
	carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to
	speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man
	and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his
	words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many
	strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with
	these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not
	be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but
	I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster
	of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman
	is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am
	well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all
	graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in
	my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise,
	or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her;
	fair, or I'll   never look on her; mild, or come not
	near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good
	discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall
	be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince and
	Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour.

	[Withdraws]

	[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO	Come, shall we hear this music?

CLAUDIO	Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
	As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!

DON PEDRO	See you where Benedick hath hid himself?

CLAUDIO	O, very well, my lord: the music ended,
	We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

	[Enter BALTHASAR with Music]

DON PEDRO	Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.

BALTHASAR	O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
	To slander music any more than once.

DON PEDRO	It is the witness still of excellency
	To put a strange face on his own perfection.
	I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.

BALTHASAR	Because you talk of wooing, I will sing;
	Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
	To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,
	Yet will he swear he loves.

DON PEDRO	Now, pray thee, come;
	Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument,
	Do it in notes.

BALTHASAR	                  Note this before my notes;
	There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.

DON PEDRO	Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks;
	Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing.
	[Air]

BENEDICK	Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it
	not strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out
	of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when
	all's done.

	[The Song]

BALTHASAR	     Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
	Men were deceivers ever,
	One foot in sea and one on shore,
	To one thing constant never:
	Then sigh not so, but let them go,
	And be you blithe and bonny,
	Converting all your sounds of woe
	Into Hey nonny, nonny.

	Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
	Of dumps so dull and heavy;
	The fraud of men was ever so,
	Since summer first was leafy:
	Then sigh not so, &c.

DON PEDRO	By my troth, a good song.

BALTHASAR	And an ill singer, my lord.

DON PEDRO	Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift.

BENEDICK	An he had been a dog that should have howled thus,
	they would have hanged him: and I pray God his bad
	voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the
	night-raven, come what plague could have come after
	it.

DON PEDRO	Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee,
	get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we
	would have it at the Lady Hero's chamber-window.

BALTHASAR	The best I can, my lord.

DON PEDRO	Do so: farewell.

	[Exit BALTHASAR]

	Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of
	to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with
	Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO	O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did
	never think that lady would have loved any man.

LEONATO	No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she
	should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in
	all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.

BENEDICK	Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?

LEONATO	By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think
	of it but that she loves him with an enraged
	affection: it is past the infinite of thought.

DON PEDRO	May be she doth but counterfeit.

CLAUDIO	Faith, like enough.

LEONATO	O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of
	passion came so near the life of passion as she
	discovers it.

DON PEDRO	Why, what effects of passion shows she?

CLAUDIO	Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.

LEONATO	What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard
	my daughter tell you how.

CLAUDIO	She did, indeed.

DON PEDRO	How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I
	thought her spirit had been invincible against all
	assaults of affection.

LEONATO	I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially
	against Benedick.

BENEDICK	I should think this a gull, but that the
	white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot,
	sure, hide himself in such reverence.

CLAUDIO	He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.

DON PEDRO	Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

LEONATO	No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.

CLAUDIO	'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall
	I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him
	with scorn, write to him that I love him?'

LEONATO	This says she now when she is beginning to write to
	him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and
	there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a
	sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.

CLAUDIO	Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a
	pretty jest your daughter told us of.

LEONATO	O, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she
	found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet?

CLAUDIO	That.

LEONATO	O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence;
	railed at herself, that she should be so immodest
	to write to one that she knew would flout her; 'I
	measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I
	should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I
	love him, I should.'

CLAUDIO	Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs,
	beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O
	sweet Benedick! God give me patience!'

LEONATO	She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the
	ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter
	is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage
	to herself: it is very true.

DON PEDRO	It were good that Benedick knew of it by some
	other, if she will not discover it.

CLAUDIO	To what end? He would make but a sport of it and
	torment the poor lady worse.

DON PEDRO	An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an
	excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion,
	she is virtuous.

CLAUDIO	And she is exceeding wise.

DON PEDRO	In every thing but in loving Benedick.

LEONATO	O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender
	a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath
	the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just
	cause, being her uncle and her guardian.

DON PEDRO	I would she had bestowed this dotage on me: I would
	have daffed all other respects and made her half
	myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear
	what a' will say.

LEONATO	Were it good, think you?

CLAUDIO	Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she
	will die, if he love her not, and she will die, ere
	she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo
	her, rather than she will bate one breath of her
	accustomed crossness.

DON PEDRO	She doth well: if she should make tender of her
	love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the
	man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit.

CLAUDIO	He is a very proper man.

DON PEDRO	He hath indeed a good outward happiness.

CLAUDIO	Before God! and, in my mind, very wise.

DON PEDRO	He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.

CLAUDIO	And I take him to be valiant.

DON PEDRO	As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of
	quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he
	avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes
	them with a most Christian-like fear.

LEONATO	If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace:
	if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a
	quarrel with fear and trembling.

DON PEDRO	And so will he do; for the man doth fear God,
	howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests
	he will make. Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall
	we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?

CLAUDIO	Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with
	good counsel.

LEONATO	Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.

DON PEDRO	Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter:
	let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I
	could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see
	how much he is unworthy so good a lady.

LEONATO	My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.

CLAUDIO	If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never
	trust my expectation.

DON PEDRO	Let there be the same net spread for her; and that
	must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The
	sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of
	another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the
	scene that I would see, which will be merely a
	dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

	[Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO]

BENEDICK	[Coming forward]  This can be no trick: the
	conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of
	this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it
	seems her affections have their full bent. Love me!
	why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured:
	they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
	the love come from her; they say too that she will
	rather die than give any sign of affection. I did
	never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy
	are they that hear their detractions and can put
	them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a
	truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis
	so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving
	me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
	no great argument of her folly, for I will be
	horribly in love with her. I may chance have some
	odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me,
	because I have railed so long against marriage: but
	doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat
	in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
	Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
	the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
	No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would
	die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
	were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day!
	she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in
	her.

	[Enter BEATRICE]

BEATRICE	Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

BENEDICK	Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

BEATRICE	I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
	pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would
	not have come.

BENEDICK	You take pleasure then in the message?

BEATRICE	Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
	point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach,
	signior: fare you well.

	[Exit]

BENEDICK	Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
	to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took
	no more pains for those thanks than you took pains
	to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains
	that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do
	not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not
	love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.

	[Exit]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT III



SCENE I	LEONATO'S garden.


	[Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA]

HERO	Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor;
	There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
	Proposing with the prince and Claudio:
	Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursula
	Walk in the orchard and our whole discourse
	Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us;
	And bid her steal into the pleached bower,
	Where honeysuckles, ripen'd by the sun,
	Forbid the sun to enter, like favourites,
	Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
	Against that power that bred it: there will she hide her,
	To listen our purpose.  This is thy office;
	Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.

MARGARET	I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.

	[Exit]

HERO	Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
	As we do trace this alley up and down,
	Our talk must only be of Benedick.
	When I do name him, let it be thy part
	To praise him more than ever man did merit:
	My talk to thee must be how Benedick
	Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
	Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,
	That only wounds by hearsay.

	[Enter BEATRICE, behind]

		       Now begin;
	For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs
	Close by the ground, to hear our conference.

URSULA	The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
	Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,
	And greedily devour the treacherous bait:
	So angle we for Beatrice; who even now
	Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
	Fear you not my part of the dialogue.

HERO	Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
	Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.

	[Approaching the bower]

	No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;
	I know her spirits are as coy and wild
	As haggerds of the rock.

URSULA	But are you sure
	That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?

HERO	So says the prince and my new-trothed lord.

URSULA	And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?

HERO	They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
	But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
	To wish him wrestle with affection,
	And never to let Beatrice know of it.

URSULA	Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
	Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
	As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?

HERO	O god of love! I know he doth deserve
	As much as may be yielded to a man:
	But Nature never framed a woman's heart
	Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;
	Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
	Misprising what they look on, and her wit
	Values itself so highly that to her
	All matter else seems weak: she cannot love,
	Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
	She is so self-endeared.

URSULA	Sure, I think so;
	And therefore certainly it were not good
	She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.

HERO	Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
	How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
	But she would spell him backward: if fair-faced,
	She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
	If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antique,
	Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
	If low, an agate very vilely cut;
	If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
	If silent, why, a block moved with none.
	So turns she every man the wrong side out
	And never gives to truth and virtue that
	Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.

URSULA	Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.

HERO	No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
	As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable:
	But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
	She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me
	Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
	Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire,
	Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:
	It were a better death than die with mocks,
	Which is as bad as die with tickling.

URSULA	Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.

HERO	No; rather I will go to Benedick
	And counsel him to fight against his passion.
	And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders
	To stain my cousin with: one doth not know
	How much an ill word may empoison liking.

URSULA	O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
	She cannot be so much without true judgment--
	Having so swift and excellent a wit
	As she is prized to have--as to refuse
	So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.

HERO	He is the only man of Italy.
	Always excepted my dear Claudio.

URSULA	I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
	Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
	For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,
	Goes foremost in report through Italy.

HERO	Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.

URSULA	His excellence did earn it, ere he had it.
	When are you married, madam?

HERO	Why, every day, to-morrow. Come, go in:
	I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
	Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.

URSULA	She's limed, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.

HERO	If it proves so, then loving goes by haps:
	Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.

	[Exeunt HERO and URSULA]

BEATRICE	[Coming forward]
	What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
	Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
	Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
	No glory lives behind the back of such.
	And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
	Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
	If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
	To bind our loves up in a holy band;
	For others say thou dost deserve, and I
	Believe it better than reportingly.

	[Exit]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT III



SCENE II	A room in LEONATO'S house


	[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO	I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
	then go I toward Arragon.

CLAUDIO	I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll
	vouchsafe me.

DON PEDRO	Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss
	of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
	and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold
	with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown
	of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all
	mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's
	bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at
	him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his
	tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his
	tongue speaks.

BENEDICK	Gallants, I am not as I have been.

LEONATO	So say I	methinks you are sadder.

CLAUDIO	I hope he be in love.

DON PEDRO	Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in
	him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,
	he wants money.

BENEDICK	I have the toothache.

DON PEDRO	Draw it.

BENEDICK	Hang it!

CLAUDIO	You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

DON PEDRO	What! sigh for the toothache?

LEONATO	Where is but a humour or a worm.

BENEDICK	Well, every one can master a grief but he that has
	it.

CLAUDIO	Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO	There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
	a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
	a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
	shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
	the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
	the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy
	to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
	fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

CLAUDIO	If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
	believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o'
	mornings; what should that bode?

DON PEDRO	Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO	No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him,
	and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
	stuffed tennis-balls.

LEONATO	Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.

DON PEDRO	Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him
	out by that?

CLAUDIO	That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

DON PEDRO	The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

CLAUDIO	And when was he wont to wash his face?

DON PEDRO	Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear
	what they say of him.

CLAUDIO	Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into
	a lute-string and now governed by stops.

DON PEDRO	Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,
	conclude he is in love.

CLAUDIO	Nay, but I know who loves him.

DON PEDRO	That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.

CLAUDIO	Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of
	all, dies for him.

DON PEDRO	She shall be buried with her face upwards.

BENEDICK	Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
	signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight
	or nine wise words to speak to you, which these
	hobby-horses must not hear.

	[Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO	For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

CLAUDIO	'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
	played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two
	bears will not bite one another when they meet.

	[Enter DON JOHN]

DON JOHN	My lord and brother, God save you!

DON PEDRO	Good den, brother.

DON JOHN	If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

DON PEDRO	In private?

DON JOHN	If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
	what I would speak of concerns him.

DON PEDRO	What's the matter?

DON JOHN	[To CLAUDIO]  Means your lordship to be married
	to-morrow?

DON PEDRO	You know he does.

DON JOHN	I know not that, when he knows what I know.

CLAUDIO	If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

DON JOHN	You may think I love you not: let that appear
	hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
	manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
	well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect
	your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and
	labour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO	Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN	I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
	shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,
	the lady is disloyal.

CLAUDIO	Who, Hero?

DON PEDRO	Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

CLAUDIO	Disloyal?

DON JOHN	The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I
	could say she were worse: think you of a worse
	title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
	further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
	see her chamber-window entered, even the night
	before her wedding-day: if you love her then,
	to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
	to change your mind.

CLAUDIO	May this be so?

DON PEDRO	I will not think it.

DON JOHN	If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
	that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
	you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
	more, proceed accordingly.

CLAUDIO	If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
	her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should
	wed, there will I shame her.

DON PEDRO	And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
	with thee to disgrace her.

DON JOHN	I will disparage her no farther till you are my
	witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and
	let the issue show itself.

DON PEDRO	O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO	O mischief strangely thwarting!

DON JOHN	O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
	you have seen the sequel.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT III



SCENE III	A street.


	[Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch]

DOGBERRY	Are you good men and true?

VERGES	Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
	salvation, body and soul.

DOGBERRY	Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
	they should have any allegiance in them, being
	chosen for the prince's watch.

VERGES	Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.

DOGBERRY	First, who think you the most desertless man to be
	constable?

First Watchman	Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
	write and read.

DOGBERRY	Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
	you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
	the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

Second Watchman	Both which, master constable,--

DOGBERRY	You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
	for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
	no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
	let that appear when there is no need of such
	vanity. You are thought here to be the most
	senseless and fit man for the constable of the
	watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
	charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
	to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.

Second Watchman	How if a' will not stand?

DOGBERRY	Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
	presently call the rest of the watch together and
	thank God you are rid of a knave.

VERGES	If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
	of the prince's subjects.

DOGBERRY	True, and they are to meddle with none but the
	prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
	the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
	talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.

Watchman	We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
	belongs to a watch.

DOGBERRY	Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
	watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
	offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
	stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
	ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

Watchman	How if they will not?

DOGBERRY	Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
	they make you not then the better answer, you may
	say they are not the men you took them for.

Watchman	Well, sir.

DOGBERRY	If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
	of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
	kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
	why the more is for your honesty.

Watchman	If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
	hands on him?

DOGBERRY	Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they
	that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable
	way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
	show himself what he is and steal out of your company.

VERGES	You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY	Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more
	a man who hath any honesty in him.

VERGES	If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call
	to the nurse and bid her still it.

Watchman	How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOGBERRY	Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
	her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her
	lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.

VERGES	'Tis very true.

DOGBERRY	This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are
	to present the prince's own person: if you meet the
	prince in the night, you may stay him.

VERGES	Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot.

DOGBERRY	Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows
	the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without
	the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought
	to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
	man against his will.

VERGES	By'r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY	Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be
	any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your
	fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.
	Come, neighbour.

Watchman	Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here
	upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY	One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch
	about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being
	there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.
	Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

	[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES]

	[Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE]

BORACHIO	What Conrade!

Watchman	[Aside]  Peace! stir not.

BORACHIO	Conrade, I say!

CONRADE	Here, man; I am at thy elbow.

BORACHIO	Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a
	scab follow.

CONRADE	I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward
	with thy tale.

BORACHIO	Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for
	it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,
	utter all to thee.

Watchman	[Aside]  Some treason, masters: yet stand close.

BORACHIO	Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

CONRADE	Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?

BORACHIO	Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any
	villany should be so rich; for when rich villains
	have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
	price they will.

CONRADE	I wonder at it.

BORACHIO	That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that
	the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is
	nothing to a man.

CONRADE	Yes, it is apparel.

BORACHIO	I mean, the fashion.

CONRADE	Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

BORACHIO	Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But
	seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion
	is?

Watchman	[Aside]  I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile
	thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a
	gentleman: I remember his name.

BORACHIO	Didst thou not hear somebody?

CONRADE	No; 'twas the vane on the house.

BORACHIO	Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this
	fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the hot
	bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty?
	sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers
	in the reeky painting, sometime like god Bel's
	priests in the old church-window, sometime like the
	shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry,
	where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

CONRADE	All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears
	out more apparel than the man. But art not thou
	thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast
	shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?

BORACHIO	Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night
	wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the
	name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress'
	chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good
	night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first
	tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master,
	planted and placed and possessed by my master Don
	John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.

CONRADE	And thought they Margaret was Hero?

BORACHIO	Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the
	devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly
	by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by
	the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly
	by my villany, which did confirm any slander that
	Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore
	he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning
	at the temple, and there, before the whole
	congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night
	and send her home again without a husband.

First Watchman	We charge you, in the prince's name, stand!

Second Watchman	Call up the right master constable. We have here
	recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that
	ever was known in the commonwealth.

First Watchman	And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'
	wears a lock.

CONRADE	Masters, masters,--

Second Watchman	You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.

CONRADE	Masters,--

First Watchman	Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.

BORACHIO	We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken
	up of these men's bills.

CONRADE	A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT III



SCENE IV	HERO's apartment.


	[Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA]

HERO	Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire
	her to rise.

URSULA	I will, lady.

HERO	And bid her come hither.

URSULA	Well.

	[Exit]

MARGARET	Troth, I think your other rabato were better.

HERO	No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this.

MARGARET	By my troth, 's not so good; and I warrant your
	cousin will say so.

HERO	My cousin's a fool, and thou art another: I'll wear
	none but this.

MARGARET	I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair
	were a thought browner; and your gown's a most rare
	fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's
	gown that they praise so.

HERO	O, that exceeds, they say.

MARGARET	By my troth, 's but a night-gown in respect of
	yours: cloth o' gold, and cuts, and laced with
	silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves,
	and skirts, round underborne with a bluish tinsel:
	but for a fine, quaint, graceful and excellent
	fashion, yours is worth ten on 't.

HERO	God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is
	exceeding heavy.

MARGARET	'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.

HERO	Fie upon thee! art not ashamed?

MARGARET	Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not
	marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord
	honourable without marriage? I think you would have
	me say, 'saving your reverence, a husband:' and bad
	thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll offend
	nobody: is there any harm in 'the heavier for a
	husband'? None, I think, and it be the right husband
	and the right wife; otherwise 'tis light, and not
	heavy: ask my Lady Beatrice else; here she comes.

	[Enter BEATRICE]

HERO	Good morrow, coz.

BEATRICE	Good morrow, sweet Hero.

HERO	Why how now? do you speak in the sick tune?

BEATRICE	I am out of all other tune, methinks.

MARGARET	Clap's into 'Light o' love;' that goes without a
	burden: do you sing it, and I'll dance it.

BEATRICE	Ye light o' love, with your heels! then, if your
	husband have stables enough, you'll see he shall
	lack no barns.

MARGARET	O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels.

BEATRICE	'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; tis time you were
	ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill: heigh-ho!

MARGARET	For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?

BEATRICE	For the letter that begins them all, H.

MARGARET	Well, and you be not turned Turk, there's no more
	sailing by the star.

BEATRICE	What means the fool, trow?

MARGARET	Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire!

HERO	These gloves the count sent me; they are an
	excellent perfume.

BEATRICE	I am stuffed, cousin; I cannot smell.

MARGARET	A maid, and stuffed! there's goodly catching of cold.

BEATRICE	O, God help me! God help me! how long have you
	professed apprehension?

MARGARET	Even since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely?

BEATRICE	It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your
	cap. By my troth, I am sick.

MARGARET	Get you some of this distilled Carduus Benedictus,
	and lay it to your heart: it is the only thing for a qualm.

HERO	There thou prickest her with a thistle.

BEATRICE	Benedictus! why Benedictus? you have some moral in
	this Benedictus.

MARGARET	Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I
	meant, plain holy-thistle. You may think perchance
	that I think you are in love: nay, by'r lady, I am
	not such a fool to think what I list, nor I list
	not to think what I can, nor indeed I cannot think,
	if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you
	are in love or that you will be in love or that you
	can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and
	now is he become a man: he swore he would never
	marry, and yet now, in despite of his heart, he eats
	his meat without grudging: and how you may be
	converted I know not, but methinks you look with
	your eyes as other women do.

BEATRICE	What pace is this that thy tongue keeps?

MARGARET	Not a false gallop.

	[Re-enter URSULA]

URSULA	Madam, withdraw: the prince, the count, Signior
	Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of the
	town, are come to fetch you to church.

HERO	Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT III



SCENE V	Another room in LEONATO'S house.


	[Enter LEONATO, with DOGBERRY and VERGES]

LEONATO	What would you with me, honest neighbour?

DOGBERRY	Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you
	that decerns you nearly.

LEONATO	Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.

DOGBERRY	Marry, this it is, sir.

VERGES	Yes, in truth it is, sir.

LEONATO	What is it, my good friends?

DOGBERRY	Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the
	matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so
	blunt as, God help, I would desire they were; but,
	in faith, honest as the skin between his brows.

VERGES	Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living
	that is an old man and no honester than I.

DOGBERRY	Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Verges.

LEONATO	Neighbours, you are tedious.

DOGBERRY	It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the
	poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part,
	if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in
	my heart to bestow it all of your worship.

LEONATO	All thy tediousness on me, ah?

DOGBERRY	Yea, an 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis; for
	I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any
	man in the city; and though I be but a poor man, I
	am glad to hear it.

VERGES	And so am I.

LEONATO	I would fain know what you have to say.

VERGES	Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your
	worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant
	knaves as any in Messina.

DOGBERRY	A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they
	say, when the age is in, the wit is out: God help
	us! it is a world to see. Well said, i' faith,
	neighbour Verges: well, God's a good man; an two men
	ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest
	soul, i' faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever
	broke bread; but God is to be worshipped; all men
	are not alike; alas, good neighbour!

LEONATO	Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you.

DOGBERRY	Gifts that God gives.

LEONATO	I must leave you.

DOGBERRY	One word, sir: our watch, sir, have indeed
	comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would
	have them this morning examined before your worship.

LEONATO	Take their examination yourself and bring it me: I
	am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you.

DOGBERRY	It shall be suffigance.

LEONATO	Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well.

	[Enter a Messenger]

Messenger	My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to
	her husband.

LEONATO	I'll wait upon them: I am ready.

	[Exeunt LEONATO and Messenger]

DOGBERRY	Go, good partner, go, get you to Francis Seacole;
	bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we
	are now to examination these men.

VERGES	And we must do it wisely.

DOGBERRY	We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here's
	that shall drive some of them to a non-come: only
	get the learned writer to set down our
	excommunication and meet me at the gaol.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT IV



SCENE I	A church.


	[Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR FRANCIS,
	CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants]

LEONATO	Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain
	form of marriage, and you shall recount their
	particular duties afterwards.

FRIAR FRANCIS	You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.

CLAUDIO	No.

LEONATO	To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her.

FRIAR FRANCIS	Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.

HERO	I do.

FRIAR FRANCIS	If either of you know any inward impediment why you
	should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls,
	to utter it.

CLAUDIO	Know you any, Hero?

HERO	None, my lord.

FRIAR FRANCIS	Know you any, count?

LEONATO	I dare make his answer, none.

CLAUDIO	O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily
	do, not knowing what they do!

BENEDICK	How now! interjections? Why, then, some be of
	laughing, as, ah, ha, he!

CLAUDIO	Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave:
	Will you with free and unconstrained soul
	Give me this maid, your daughter?

LEONATO	As freely, son, as God did give her me.

CLAUDIO	And what have I to give you back, whose worth
	May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?

DON PEDRO	Nothing, unless you render her again.

CLAUDIO	Sweet prince, you learn me noble thankfulness.
	There, Leonato, take her back again:
	Give not this rotten orange to your friend;
	She's but the sign and semblance of her honour.
	Behold how like a maid she blushes here!
	O, what authority and show of truth
	Can cunning sin cover itself withal!
	Comes not that blood as modest evidence
	To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear,
	All you that see her, that she were a maid,
	By these exterior shows? But she is none:
	She knows the heat of a luxurious bed;
	Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.

LEONATO	What do you mean, my lord?

CLAUDIO	Not to be married,
	Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.

LEONATO	Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof,
	Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth,
	And made defeat of her virginity,--

CLAUDIO	I know what you would say: if I have known her,
	You will say she did embrace me as a husband,
	And so extenuate the 'forehand sin:
	No, Leonato,
	I never tempted her with word too large;
	But, as a brother to his sister, show'd
	Bashful sincerity and comely love.

HERO	And seem'd I ever otherwise to you?

CLAUDIO	Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it:
	You seem to me as Dian in her orb,
	As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown;
	But you are more intemperate in your blood
	Than Venus, or those pamper'd animals
	That rage in savage sensuality.

HERO	Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide?

LEONATO	Sweet prince, why speak not you?

DON PEDRO	What should I speak?
	I stand dishonour'd, that have gone about
	To link my dear friend to a common stale.

LEONATO	Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?

DON JOHN	Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.

BENEDICK	This looks not like a nuptial.

HERO	True! O God!

CLAUDIO	Leonato, stand I here?
	Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother?
	Is this face Hero's? are our eyes our own?

LEONATO	All this is so: but what of this, my lord?

CLAUDIO	Let me but move one question to your daughter;
	And, by that fatherly and kindly power
	That you have in her, bid her answer truly.

LEONATO	I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.

HERO	O, God defend me! how am I beset!
	What kind of catechising call you this?

CLAUDIO	To make you answer truly to your name.

HERO	Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name
	With any just reproach?

CLAUDIO	Marry, that can Hero;
	Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue.
	What man was he talk'd with you yesternight
	Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?
	Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.

HERO	I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord.

DON PEDRO	Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato,
	I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour,
	Myself, my brother and this grieved count
	Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night
	Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window
	Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain,
	Confess'd the vile encounters they have had
	A thousand times in secret.

DON JOHN	Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord,
	Not to be spoke of;
	There is not chastity enough in language
	Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady,
	I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.

CLAUDIO	O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been,
	If half thy outward graces had been placed
	About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!
	But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell,
	Thou pure impiety and impious purity!
	For thee I'll lock up all the gates of love,
	And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang,
	To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm,
	And never shall it more be gracious.

LEONATO	Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?

	[HERO swoons]

BEATRICE	Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?

DON JOHN	Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light,
	Smother her spirits up.

	[Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO]

BENEDICK	How doth the lady?

BEATRICE	                  Dead, I think. Help, uncle!
	Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar!

LEONATO	O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand.
	Death is the fairest cover for her shame
	That may be wish'd for.

BEATRICE	How now, cousin Hero!

FRIAR FRANCIS	Have comfort, lady.

LEONATO	Dost thou look up?

FRIAR FRANCIS	Yea, wherefore should she not?

LEONATO	Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing
	Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny
	The story that is printed in her blood?
	Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
	For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
	Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
	Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
	Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one?
	Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame?
	O, one too much by thee! Why had I one?
	Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?
	Why had I not with charitable hand
	Took up a beggar's issue at my gates,
	Who smirch'd thus and mired with infamy,
	I might have said 'No part of it is mine;
	This shame derives itself from unknown loins'?
	But mine and mine I loved and mine I praised
	And mine that I was proud on, mine so much
	That I myself was to myself not mine,
	Valuing of her,--why, she, O, she is fallen
	Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea
	Hath drops too few to wash her clean again
	And salt too little which may season give
	To her foul-tainted flesh!

BENEDICK	Sir, sir, be patient.
	For my part, I am so attired in wonder,
	I know not what to say.

BEATRICE	O, on my soul, my cousin is belied!

BENEDICK	Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?

BEATRICE	No, truly not; although, until last night,
	I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.

LEONATO	Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made
	Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron!
	Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie,
	Who loved her so, that, speaking of her foulness,
	Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.

FRIAR FRANCIS	Hear me a little; for I have only been
	Silent so long and given way unto
	This course of fortune [           ]
	By noting of the lady I have mark'd
	A thousand blushing apparitions
	To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames
	In angel whiteness beat away those blushes;
	And in her eye there hath appear'd a fire,
	To burn the errors that these princes hold
	Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool;
	Trust not my reading nor my observations,
	Which with experimental seal doth warrant
	The tenor of my book; trust not my age,
	My reverence, calling, nor divinity,
	If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here
	Under some biting error.

LEONATO	Friar, it cannot be.
	Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left
	Is that she will not add to her damnation
	A sin of perjury; she not denies it:
	Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse
	That which appears in proper nakedness?

FRIAR FRANCIS	Lady, what man is he you are accused of?

HERO	They know that do accuse me; I know none:
	If I know more of any man alive
	Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant,
	Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father,
	Prove you that any man with me conversed
	At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight
	Maintain'd the change of words with any creature,
	Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!

FRIAR FRANCIS	There is some strange misprision in the princes.

BENEDICK	Two of them have the very bent of honour;
	And if their wisdoms be misled in this,
	The practise of it lives in John the bastard,
	Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.

LEONATO	I know not. If they speak but truth of her,
	These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour,
	The proudest of them shall well hear of it.
	Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,
	Nor age so eat up my invention,
	Nor fortune made such havoc of my means,
	Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,
	But they shall find, awaked in such a kind,
	Both strength of limb and policy of mind,
	Ability in means and choice of friends,
	To quit me of them throughly.

FRIAR FRANCIS	Pause awhile,
	And let my counsel sway you in this case.
	Your daughter here the princes left for dead:
	Let her awhile be secretly kept in,
	And publish it that she is dead indeed;
	Maintain a mourning ostentation
	And on your family's old monument
	Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites
	That appertain unto a burial.

LEONATO	What shall become of this? what will this do?

FRIAR FRANCIS	Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf
	Change slander to remorse; that is some good:
	But not for that dream I on this strange course,
	But on this travail look for greater birth.
	She dying, as it must so be maintain'd,
	Upon the instant that she was accused,
	Shall be lamented, pitied and excused
	Of every hearer: for it so falls out
	That what we have we prize not to the worth
	Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost,
	Why, then we rack the value, then we find
	The virtue that possession would not show us
	Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio:
	When he shall hear she died upon his words,
	The idea of her life shall sweetly creep
	Into his study of imagination,
	And every lovely organ of her life
	Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit,
	More moving-delicate and full of life,
	Into the eye and prospect of his soul,
	Than when she lived indeed; then shall he mourn,
	If ever love had interest in his liver,
	And wish he had not so accused her,
	No, though he thought his accusation true.
	Let this be so, and doubt not but success
	Will fashion the event in better shape
	Than I can lay it down in likelihood.
	But if all aim but this be levell'd false,
	The supposition of the lady's death
	Will quench the wonder of her infamy:
	And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,
	As best befits her wounded reputation,
	In some reclusive and religious life,
	Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and injuries.

BENEDICK	Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you:
	And though you know my inwardness and love
	Is very much unto the prince and Claudio,
	Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this
	As secretly and justly as your soul
	Should with your body.

LEONATO	Being that I flow in grief,
	The smallest twine may lead me.

FRIAR FRANCIS	'Tis well consented: presently away;
	For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.
	Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day
	Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.

	[Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE]

BENEDICK	Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?

BEATRICE	Yea, and I will weep a while longer.

BENEDICK	I will not desire that.

BEATRICE	You have no reason; I do it freely.

BENEDICK	Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.

BEATRICE	Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!

BENEDICK	Is there any way to show such friendship?

BEATRICE	A very even way, but no such friend.

BENEDICK	May a man do it?

BEATRICE	It is a man's office, but not yours.

BENEDICK	I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
	not that strange?

BEATRICE	As strange as the thing I know not. It were as
	possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as
	you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
	confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK	By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.

BEATRICE	Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK	I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make
	him eat it that says I love not you.

BEATRICE	Will you not eat your word?

BENEDICK	With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest
	I love thee.

BEATRICE	Why, then, God forgive me!

BENEDICK	What offence, sweet Beatrice?

BEATRICE	You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to
	protest I loved you.

BENEDICK	And do it with all thy heart.

BEATRICE	I love you with so much of my heart that none is
	left to protest.

BENEDICK	Come, bid me do any thing for thee.

BEATRICE	Kill Claudio.

BENEDICK	Ha! not for the wide world.

BEATRICE	You kill me to deny it. Farewell.

BENEDICK	Tarry, sweet Beatrice.

BEATRICE	I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in
	you: nay, I pray you, let me go.

BENEDICK	Beatrice,--

BEATRICE	In faith, I will go.

BENEDICK	We'll be friends first.

BEATRICE	You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.

BENEDICK	Is Claudio thine enemy?

BEATRICE	Is he not approved in the height a villain, that
	hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O
	that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they
	come to take hands; and then, with public
	accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,
	--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart
	in the market-place.

BENEDICK	Hear me, Beatrice,--

BEATRICE	Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!

BENEDICK	Nay, but, Beatrice,--

BEATRICE	Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.

BENEDICK	Beat--

BEATRICE	Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony,
	a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant,
	surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I
	had any friend would be a man for my sake! But
	manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into
	compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and
	trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules
	that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a
	man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.

BENEDICK	Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.

BEATRICE	Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.

BENEDICK	Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?

BEATRICE	Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.

BENEDICK	Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will
	kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand,
	Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you
	hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your
	cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT IV



SCENE II	A prison.


	[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and
	the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO]

DOGBERRY	Is our whole dissembly appeared?

VERGES	O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sexton	Which be the malefactors?

DOGBERRY	Marry, that am I and my partner.

VERGES	Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton	But which are the offenders that are to be
	examined? let them come before master constable.

DOGBERRY	Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
	name, friend?

BORACHIO	Borachio.

DOGBERRY	Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

CONRADE	I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

DOGBERRY	Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
	you serve God?


CONRADE	|
	|  Yea, sir, we hope.
BORACHIO	|


DOGBERRY	Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
	write God first; for God defend but God should go
	before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
	that you are little better than false knaves; and it
	will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
	you for yourselves?

CONRADE	Marry, sir, we say we are none.

DOGBERRY	A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
	will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
	word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
	you are false knaves.

BORACHIO	Sir, I say to you we are none.

DOGBERRY	Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
	tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton	Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
	you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

DOGBERRY	Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
	come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
	name, accuse these men.

First Watchman	This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
	brother, was a villain.

DOGBERRY	Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
	perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.

BORACHIO	Master constable,--

DOGBERRY	Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
	I promise thee.

Sexton	What heard you him say else?

Second Watchman	Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
	Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

DOGBERRY	Flat burglary as ever was committed.

VERGES	Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sexton	What else, fellow?

First Watchman	And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
	disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.

DOGBERRY	O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
	redemption for this.

Sexton	What else?

Watchman	This is all.

Sexton	And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
	Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
	Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
	refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
	Master constable, let these men be bound, and
	brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
	him their examination.

	[Exit]

DOGBERRY	Come, let them be opinioned.

VERGES	Let them be in the hands--

CONRADE	Off, coxcomb!

DOGBERRY	God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
	down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
	Thou naughty varlet!

CONRADE	Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

DOGBERRY	Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
	suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
	down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
	ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
	that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
	piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
	I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
	and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
	more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
	Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
	rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
	had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
	thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
	I had been writ down an ass!

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT V



SCENE I	Before LEONATO'S house.


	[Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO]

ANTONIO	If you go on thus, you will kill yourself:
	And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief
	Against yourself.

LEONATO	                  I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
	Which falls into mine ears as profitless
	As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
	Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
	But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
	Bring me a father that so loved his child,
	Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
	And bid him speak of patience;
	Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
	And let it answer every strain for strain,
	As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
	In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
	If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
	Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan,
	Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
	With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
	And I of him will gather patience.
	But there is no such man: for, brother, men
	Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
	Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
	Their counsel turns to passion, which before
	Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
	Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
	Charm ache with air and agony with words:
	No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience
	To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
	But no man's virtue nor sufficiency
	To be so moral when he shall endure
	The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
	My griefs cry louder than advertisement.

ANTONIO	Therein do men from children nothing differ.

LEONATO	I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
	For there was never yet philosopher
	That could endure the toothache patiently,
	However they have writ the style of gods
	And made a push at chance and sufferance.

ANTONIO	Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
	Make those that do offend you suffer too.

LEONATO	There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so.
	My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
	And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
	And all of them that thus dishonour her.

ANTONIO	Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.

	[Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO]

DON PEDRO	Good den, good den.

CLAUDIO	Good day to both of you.

LEONATO	Hear you. my lords,--

DON PEDRO	We have some haste, Leonato.

LEONATO	Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
	Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.

DON PEDRO	Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.

ANTONIO	If he could right himself with quarreling,
	Some of us would lie low.

CLAUDIO	Who wrongs him?

LEONATO	Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:--
	Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
	I fear thee not.

CLAUDIO	                  Marry, beshrew my hand,
	If it should give your age such cause of fear:
	In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.

LEONATO	Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
	I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
	As under privilege of age to brag
	What I have done being young, or what would do
	Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
	Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me
	That I am forced to lay my reverence by
	And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
	Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
	I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;
	Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
	And she lies buried with her ancestors;
	O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
	Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!

CLAUDIO	My villany?

LEONATO	          Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.

DON PEDRO	You say not right, old man.

LEONATO	My lord, my lord,
	I'll prove it on his body, if he dare,
	Despite his nice fence and his active practise,
	His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

CLAUDIO	Away! I will not have to do with you.

LEONATO	Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child:
	If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

ANTONIO	He shall kill two of us, and men indeed:
	But that's no matter; let him kill one first;
	Win me and wear me; let him answer me.
	Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:
	Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence;
	Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.

LEONATO	Brother,--

ANTONIO	Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;
	And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains,
	That dare as well answer a man indeed
	As I dare take a serpent by the tongue:
	Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!

LEONATO	Brother Antony,--

ANTONIO	Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
	And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,--
	Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys,
	That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
	Go anticly, show outward hideousness,
	And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,
	How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
	And this is all.

LEONATO	But, brother Antony,--

ANTONIO	Come, 'tis no matter:
	Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.

DON PEDRO	Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
	My heart is sorry for your daughter's death:
	But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing
	But what was true and very full of proof.

LEONATO	My lord, my lord,--

DON PEDRO	I will not hear you.

LEONATO	No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.

ANTONIO	And shall, or some of us will smart for it.

	[Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO]

DON PEDRO	See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.

	[Enter BENEDICK]

CLAUDIO	Now, signior, what news?

BENEDICK	Good day, my lord.

DON PEDRO	Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part
	almost a fray.

CLAUDIO	We had like to have had our two noses snapped off
	with two old men without teeth.

DON PEDRO	Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had
	we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.

BENEDICK	In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
	to seek you both.

CLAUDIO	We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are
	high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten
	away. Wilt thou use thy wit?

BENEDICK	It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?

DON PEDRO	Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

CLAUDIO	Never any did so, though very many have been beside
	their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
	minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.

DON PEDRO	As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
	sick, or angry?

CLAUDIO	What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat,
	thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

BENEDICK	Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
	charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.

CLAUDIO	Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
	broke cross.

DON PEDRO	By this light, he changes more and more: I think
	he be angry indeed.

CLAUDIO	If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

BENEDICK	Shall I speak a word in your ear?

CLAUDIO	God bless me from a challenge!

BENEDICK	[Aside to CLAUDIO]  You are a villain; I jest not:
	I will make it good how you dare, with what you
	dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will
	protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet
	lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me
	hear from you.

CLAUDIO	Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

DON PEDRO	What, a feast, a feast?

CLAUDIO	I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
	head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most
	curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find
	a woodcock too?

BENEDICK	Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

DON PEDRO	I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
	other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,'
	said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a
	great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.'
	'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it
	hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman
	is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.'
	'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I
	believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on
	Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning;
	there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus
	did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular
	virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou
	wast the properest man in Italy.

CLAUDIO	For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
	not.

DON PEDRO	Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she
	did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
	the old man's daughter told us all.

CLAUDIO	All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
	hid in the garden.

DON PEDRO	But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on
	the sensible Benedick's head?

CLAUDIO	Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
	married man'?

BENEDICK	Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
	you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests
	as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
	hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
	you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
	the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among
	you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
	Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
	then, peace be with him.

	[Exit]

DON PEDRO	He is in earnest.

CLAUDIO	In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for
	the love of Beatrice.

DON PEDRO	And hath challenged thee.

CLAUDIO	Most sincerely.

DON PEDRO	What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
	doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

CLAUDIO	He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a
	doctor to such a man.

DON PEDRO	But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and
	be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?

	[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE
	and BORACHIO]

DOGBERRY	Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she
	shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay,
	an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

DON PEDRO	How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio
	one!

CLAUDIO	Hearken after their offence, my lord.

DON PEDRO	Officers, what offence have these men done?

DOGBERRY	Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
	moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily,
	they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have
	belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust
	things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.

DON PEDRO	First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I
	ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why
	they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay
	to their charge.

CLAUDIO	Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by
	my troth, there's one meaning well suited.

DON PEDRO	Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus
	bound to your answer? this learned constable is
	too cunning to be understood: what's your offence?

BORACHIO	Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:
	do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have
	deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
	could not discover, these shallow fools have brought
	to light: who in the night overheard me confessing
	to this man how Don John your brother incensed me
	to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into
	the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's
	garments, how you disgraced her, when you should
	marry her: my villany they have upon record; which
	I had rather seal with my death than repeat over
	to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my
	master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
	nothing but the reward of a villain.

DON PEDRO	Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?

CLAUDIO	I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.

DON PEDRO	But did my brother set thee on to this?

BORACHIO	Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.

DON PEDRO	He is composed and framed of treachery:
	And fled he is upon this villany.

CLAUDIO	Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
	In the rare semblance that I loved it first.

DOGBERRY	Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our
	sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter:
	and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time
	and place shall serve, that I am an ass.

VERGES	Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the
	Sexton too.

	[Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton]

LEONATO	Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,
	That, when I note another man like him,
	I may avoid him: which of these is he?

BORACHIO	If you would know your wronger, look on me.

LEONATO	Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd
	Mine innocent child?

BORACHIO	Yea, even I alone.

LEONATO	No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
	Here stand a pair of honourable men;
	A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
	I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
	Record it with your high and worthy deeds:
	'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.

CLAUDIO	I know not how to pray your patience;
	Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
	Impose me to what penance your invention
	Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
	But in mistaking.

DON PEDRO	                  By my soul, nor I:
	And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
	I would bend under any heavy weight
	That he'll enjoin me to.

LEONATO	I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
	That were impossible: but, I pray you both,
	Possess the people in Messina here
	How innocent she died; and if your love
	Can labour ought in sad invention,
	Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
	And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night:
	To-morrow morning come you to my house,
	And since you could not be my son-in-law,
	Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
	Almost the copy of my child that's dead,
	And she alone is heir to both of us:
	Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
	And so dies my revenge.

CLAUDIO	O noble sir,
	Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
	I do embrace your offer; and dispose
	For henceforth of poor Claudio.

LEONATO	To-morrow then I will expect your coming;
	To-night I take my leave. This naughty man
	Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
	Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,
	Hired to it by your brother.

BORACHIO	No, by my soul, she was not,
	Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
	But always hath been just and virtuous
	In any thing that I do know by her.

DOGBERRY	Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and
	black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call
	me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his
	punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of
	one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and
	a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's
	name, the which he hath used so long and never paid
	that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing
	for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.

LEONATO	I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.

DOGBERRY	Your worship speaks like a most thankful and
	reverend youth; and I praise God for you.

LEONATO	There's for thy pains.

DOGBERRY	God save the foundation!

LEONATO	Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.

DOGBERRY	I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I
	beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the
	example of others. God keep your worship! I wish
	your worship well; God restore you to health! I
	humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry
	meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.

	[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES]

LEONATO	Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.

ANTONIO	Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.

DON PEDRO	We will not fail.

CLAUDIO	                  To-night I'll mourn with Hero.

LEONATO	[To the Watch]  Bring you these fellows on. We'll
	talk with Margaret,
	How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.

	[Exeunt, severally]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT V



SCENE II	LEONATO'S garden.


	[Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting]

BENEDICK	Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at
	my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.

MARGARET	Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?

BENEDICK	In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living
	shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou
	deservest it.

MARGARET	To have no man come over me! why, shall I always
	keep below stairs?

BENEDICK	Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches.

MARGARET	And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit,
	but hurt not.

BENEDICK	A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a
	woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give
	thee the bucklers.

MARGARET	Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.

BENEDICK	If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the
	pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.

MARGARET	Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.

BENEDICK	And therefore will come.

	[Exit MARGARET]

	[Sings]

	The god of love,
	That sits above,
	And knows me, and knows me,
	How pitiful I deserve,--

	I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good
	swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and
	a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers,
	whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a
	blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned
	over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I
	cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find
	out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocent
	rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for,
	'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominous
	endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet,
	nor I cannot woo in festival terms.

	[Enter BEATRICE]

	Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?

BEATRICE	Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.

BENEDICK	O, stay but till then!

BEATRICE	'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere
	I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with
	knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.

BENEDICK	Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.

BEATRICE	Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but
	foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I
	will depart unkissed.

BENEDICK	Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense,
	so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee
	plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either
	I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe
	him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for
	which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?

BEATRICE	For them all together; which maintained so politic
	a state of evil that they will not admit any good
	part to intermingle with them. But for which of my
	good parts did you first suffer love for me?

BENEDICK	Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love
	indeed, for I love thee against my will.

BEATRICE	In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart!
	If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for
	yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.

BENEDICK	Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.

BEATRICE	It appears not in this confession: there's not one
	wise man among twenty that will praise himself.

BENEDICK	An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in
	the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect
	in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live
	no longer in monument than the bell rings and the
	widow weeps.

BEATRICE	And how long is that, think you?

BENEDICK	Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in
	rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the
	wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no
	impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his
	own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for
	praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is
	praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?

BEATRICE	Very ill.

BENEDICK	And how do you?

BEATRICE	Very ill too.

BENEDICK	Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave
	you too, for here comes one in haste.

	[Enter URSULA]

URSULA	Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old
	coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been
	falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily
	abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is
	fed and gone. Will you come presently?

BEATRICE	Will you go hear this news, signior?

BENEDICK	I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be
	buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with
	thee to thy uncle's.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT V



SCENE III	A church.


	[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and three or four
	with tapers]

CLAUDIO	Is this the monument of Leonato?

Lord	It is, my lord.

CLAUDIO	[Reading out of a scroll]
	Done to death by slanderous tongues
	Was the Hero that here lies:
	Death, in guerdon of her wrongs,
	Gives her fame which never dies.
	So the life that died with shame
	Lives in death with glorious fame.
	Hang thou there upon the tomb,
	Praising her when I am dumb.

	Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn.
	SONG.

	Pardon, goddess of the night,
	Those that slew thy virgin knight;
	For the which, with songs of woe,
	Round about her tomb they go.
	Midnight, assist our moan;
	Help us to sigh and groan,
	Heavily, heavily:
	Graves, yawn and yield your dead,
	Till death be uttered,
	Heavily, heavily.

CLAUDIO	     Now, unto thy bones good night!
	Yearly will I do this rite.

DON PEDRO	Good morrow, masters; put your torches out:
	The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle day,
	Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about
	Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey.
	Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you well.

CLAUDIO	     Good morrow, masters: each his several way.

DON PEDRO	Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds;
	And then to Leonato's we will go.

CLAUDIO	And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's
	Than this for whom we render'd up this woe.

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING


ACT V



SCENE IV	A room in LEONATO'S house.


	[Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE,
	MARGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO]

FRIAR FRANCIS	Did I not tell you she was innocent?

LEONATO	So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her
	Upon the error that you heard debated:
	But Margaret was in some fault for this,
	Although against her will, as it appears
	In the true course of all the question.

ANTONIO	Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.

BENEDICK	And so am I, being else by faith enforced
	To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.

LEONATO	Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all,
	Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,
	And when I send for you, come hither mask'd.

	[Exeunt Ladies]

	The prince and Claudio promised by this hour
	To visit me. You know your office, brother:
	You must be father to your brother's daughter
	And give her to young Claudio.

ANTONIO	Which I will do with confirm'd countenance.

BENEDICK	Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.

FRIAR FRANCIS	To do what, signior?

BENEDICK	To bind me, or undo me; one of them.
	Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior,
	Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.

LEONATO	That eye my daughter lent her: 'tis most true.

BENEDICK	And I do with an eye of love requite her.

LEONATO	The sight whereof I think you had from me,
	From Claudio and the prince: but what's your will?

BENEDICK	Your answer, sir, is enigmatical:
	But, for my will, my will is your good will
	May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'd
	In the state of honourable marriage:
	In which, good friar, I shall desire your help.

LEONATO	My heart is with your liking.

FRIAR FRANCIS	And my help.
	Here comes the prince and Claudio.

	[Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, and two or
	three others]

DON PEDRO	Good morrow to this fair assembly.

LEONATO	Good morrow, prince; good morrow, Claudio:
	We here attend you. Are you yet determined
	To-day to marry with my brother's daughter?

CLAUDIO	I'll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope.

LEONATO	Call her forth, brother; here's the friar ready.

	[Exit ANTONIO]

DON PEDRO	Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what's the matter,
	That you have such a February face,
	So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?

CLAUDIO	I think he thinks upon the savage bull.
	Tush, fear not, man; we'll tip thy horns with gold
	And all Europa shall rejoice at thee,
	As once Europa did at lusty Jove,
	When he would play the noble beast in love.

BENEDICK	Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low;
	And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow,
	And got a calf in that same noble feat
	Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.

CLAUDIO	For this I owe you: here comes other reckonings.

	[Re-enter ANTONIO, with the Ladies masked]

	Which is the lady I must seize upon?

ANTONIO	This same is she, and I do give you her.

CLAUDIO	Why, then she's mine. Sweet, let me see your face.

LEONATO	No, that you shall not, till you take her hand
	Before this friar and swear to marry her.

CLAUDIO	Give me your hand: before this holy friar,
	I am your husband, if you like of me.

HERO	And when I lived, I was your other wife:

	[Unmasking]

	And when you loved, you were my other husband.

CLAUDIO	Another Hero!

HERO	                  Nothing certainer:
	One Hero died defiled, but I do live,
	And surely as I live, I am a maid.

DON PEDRO	The former Hero! Hero that is dead!

LEONATO	She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived.

FRIAR FRANCIS	All this amazement can I qualify:
	When after that the holy rites are ended,
	I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death:
	Meantime let wonder seem familiar,
	And to the chapel let us presently.

BENEDICK	Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?

BEATRICE	[Unmasking]  I answer to that name. What is your will?

BENEDICK	Do not you love me?

BEATRICE	Why, no; no more than reason.

BENEDICK	Why, then your uncle and the prince and Claudio
	Have been deceived; they swore you did.

BEATRICE	Do not you love me?

BENEDICK	Troth, no; no more than reason.

BEATRICE	Why, then my cousin Margaret and Ursula
	Are much deceived; for they did swear you did.

BENEDICK	They swore that you were almost sick for me.

BEATRICE	They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.

BENEDICK	'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?

BEATRICE	No, truly, but in friendly recompense.

LEONATO	Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.

CLAUDIO	And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves her;
	For here's a paper written in his hand,
	A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,
	Fashion'd to Beatrice.

HERO	And here's another
	Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket,
	Containing her affection unto Benedick.

BENEDICK	A miracle! here's our own hands against our hearts.
	Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take
	thee for pity.

BEATRICE	I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield
	upon great persuasion; and partly to save your life,
	for I was told you were in a consumption.

BENEDICK	Peace! I will stop your mouth.

	[Kissing her]

DON PEDRO	How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?

BENEDICK	I'll tell thee what, prince; a college of
	wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour. Dost
	thou think I  care for a satire or an epigram? No:
	if a man will be beaten with brains, a' shall wear
	nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do
	purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any
	purpose that the world can say against it; and
	therefore never flout at me for what I have said
	against it; for man is a giddy thing, and this is my
	conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to
	have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my
	kinsman, live unbruised and love my cousin.

CLAUDIO	I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice,
	that I might have cudgelled thee out of thy single
	life, to make thee a double-dealer; which, out of
	question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look
	exceedingly narrowly to thee.

BENEDICK	Come, come, we are friends: let's have a dance ere
	we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts
	and our wives' heels.

LEONATO	We'll have dancing afterward.

BENEDICK	First, of my word; therefore play, music. Prince,
	thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife:
	there is no staff more reverend than one tipped with horn.

	[Enter a Messenger]

Messenger	My lord, your brother John is ta'en in flight,
	And brought with armed men back to Messina.

BENEDICK	Think not on him till to-morrow:
	I'll devise thee brave punishments for him.
	Strike up, pipers.

	[Dance]

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


DUKE SENIOR	living in banishment.

DUKE FREDERICK	his brother, an usurper of his dominions.


AMIENS	|
	|  lords attending on the banished duke.
JAQUES	|


LE BEAU	a courtier attending upon Frederick.

CHARLES	wrestler to Frederick.


OLIVER		|
		|
JAQUES (JAQUES DE BOYS:)  	|  sons of Sir Rowland de Boys.
		|
ORLANDO		|


ADAM	|
	|  servants to Oliver.
DENNIS	|


TOUCHSTONE	a clown.

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT	a vicar.


CORIN	|
	|  shepherds.
SILVIUS	|


WILLIAM	a country fellow in love with Audrey.

	A person representing HYMEN. (HYMEN:)

ROSALIND	daughter to the banished duke.

CELIA	daughter to Frederick.

PHEBE	a shepherdess.

AUDREY	a country wench.

	Lords, pages, and attendants, &c.
	(Forester:)
	(A Lord:)
	(First Lord:)
	(Second Lord:)
	(First Page:)
	(Second Page:)


SCENE	Oliver's house; Duke Frederick's court; and the
	Forest of Arden.




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT I



SCENE I	Orchard of Oliver's house.


	[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM]

ORLANDO	As I remember, Adam, it was upon this fashion
	bequeathed me by will but poor a thousand crowns,
	and, as thou sayest, charged my brother, on his
	blessing, to breed me well: and there begins my
	sadness. My brother Jaques he keeps at school, and
	report speaks goldenly of his profit: for my part,
	he keeps me rustically at home, or, to speak more
	properly, stays me here at home unkept; for call you
	that keeping for a gentleman of my birth, that
	differs not from the stalling of an ox? His horses
	are bred better; for, besides that they are fair
	with their feeding, they are taught their manage,
	and to that end riders dearly hired: but I, his
	brother, gain nothing under him but growth; for the
	which his animals on his dunghills are as much
	bound to him as I. Besides this nothing that he so
	plentifully gives me, the something that nature gave
	me his countenance seems to take from me: he lets
	me feed with his hinds, bars me the place of a
	brother, and, as much as in him lies, mines my
	gentility with my education. This is it, Adam, that
	grieves me; and the spirit of my father, which I
	think is within me, begins to mutiny against this
	servitude: I will no longer endure it, though yet I
	know no wise remedy how to avoid it.

ADAM	Yonder comes my master, your brother.

ORLANDO	Go apart, Adam, and thou shalt hear how he will
	shake me up.

	[Enter OLIVER]

OLIVER	Now, sir! what make you here?

ORLANDO	Nothing: I am not taught to make any thing.

OLIVER	What mar you then, sir?

ORLANDO	Marry, sir, I am helping you to mar that which God
	made, a poor unworthy brother of yours, with idleness.

OLIVER	Marry, sir, be better employed, and be naught awhile.

ORLANDO	Shall I keep your hogs and eat husks with them?
	What prodigal portion have I spent, that I should
	come to such penury?

OLIVER	Know you where your are, sir?

ORLANDO	O, sir, very well; here in your orchard.

OLIVER	Know you before whom, sir?

ORLANDO	Ay, better than him I am before knows me. I know
	you are my eldest brother; and, in the gentle
	condition of blood, you should so know me. The
	courtesy of nations allows you my better, in that
	you are the first-born; but the same tradition
	takes not away my blood, were there twenty brothers
	betwixt us: I have as much of my father in me as
	you; albeit, I confess, your coming before me is
	nearer to his reverence.

OLIVER	What, boy!

ORLANDO	Come, come, elder brother, you are too young in this.

OLIVER	Wilt thou lay hands on me, villain?

ORLANDO	I am no villain; I am the youngest son of Sir
	Rowland de Boys; he was my father, and he is thrice
	a villain that says such a father begot villains.
	Wert thou not my brother, I would not take this hand
	from thy throat till this other had pulled out thy
	tongue for saying so: thou hast railed on thyself.

ADAM	Sweet masters, be patient: for your father's
	remembrance, be at accord.

OLIVER	Let me go, I say.

ORLANDO	I will not, till I please: you shall hear me. My
	father charged you in his will to give me good
	education: you have trained me like a peasant,
	obscuring and hiding from me all gentleman-like
	qualities. The spirit of my father grows strong in
	me, and I will no longer endure it: therefore allow
	me such exercises as may become a gentleman, or
	give me the poor allottery my father left me by
	testament; with that I will go buy my fortunes.

OLIVER	And what wilt thou do? beg, when that is spent?
	Well, sir, get you in: I will not long be troubled
	with you; you shall have some part of your will: I
	pray you, leave me.

ORLANDO	I will no further offend you than becomes me for my good.

OLIVER	Get you with him, you old dog.

ADAM	Is 'old dog' my reward? Most true, I have lost my
	teeth in your service. God be with my old master!
	he would not have spoke such a word.

	[Exeunt ORLANDO and ADAM]

OLIVER	Is it even so? begin you to grow upon me? I will
	physic your rankness, and yet give no thousand
	crowns neither. Holla, Dennis!

	[Enter DENNIS]

DENNIS	Calls your worship?

OLIVER	Was not Charles, the duke's wrestler, here to speak with me?

DENNIS	So please you, he is here at the door and importunes
	access to you.

OLIVER	Call him in.

	[Exit DENNIS]

	'Twill be a good way; and to-morrow the wrestling is.

	[Enter CHARLES]

CHARLES	Good morrow to your worship.

OLIVER	Good Monsieur Charles, what's the new news at the
	new court?

CHARLES	There's no news at the court, sir, but the old news:
	that is, the old duke is banished by his younger
	brother the new duke; and three or four loving lords
	have put themselves into voluntary exile with him,
	whose lands and revenues enrich the new duke;
	therefore he gives them good leave to wander.

OLIVER	Can you tell if Rosalind, the duke's daughter, be
	banished with her father?

CHARLES	O, no; for the duke's daughter, her cousin, so loves
	her, being ever from their cradles bred together,
	that she would have followed her exile, or have died
	to stay behind her. She is at the court, and no
	less beloved of her uncle than his own daughter; and
	never two ladies loved as they do.

OLIVER	Where will the old duke live?

CHARLES	They say he is already in the forest of Arden, and
	a many merry men with him; and there they live like
	the old Robin Hood of England: they say many young
	gentlemen flock to him every day, and fleet the time
	carelessly, as they did in the golden world.

OLIVER	What, you wrestle to-morrow before the new duke?

CHARLES	Marry, do I, sir; and I came to acquaint you with a
	matter. I am given, sir, secretly to understand
	that your younger brother Orlando hath a disposition
	to come in disguised against me to try a fall.
	To-morrow, sir, I wrestle for my credit; and he that
	escapes me without some broken limb shall acquit him
	well. Your brother is but young and tender; and,
	for your love, I would be loath to foil him, as I
	must, for my own honour, if he come in: therefore,
	out of my love to you, I came hither to acquaint you
	withal, that either you might stay him from his
	intendment or brook such disgrace well as he shall
	run into, in that it is a thing of his own search
	and altogether against my will.

OLIVER	Charles, I thank thee for thy love to me, which
	thou shalt find I will most kindly requite. I had
	myself notice of my brother's purpose herein and
	have by underhand means laboured to dissuade him from
	it, but he is resolute. I'll tell thee, Charles:
	it is the stubbornest young fellow of France, full
	of ambition, an envious emulator of every man's
	good parts, a secret and villanous contriver against
	me his natural brother: therefore use thy
	discretion; I had as lief thou didst break his neck
	as his finger. And thou wert best look to't; for if
	thou dost him any slight disgrace or if he do not
	mightily grace himself on thee, he will practise
	against thee by poison, entrap thee by some
	treacherous device and never leave thee till he
	hath ta'en thy life by some indirect means or other;
	for, I assure thee, and almost with tears I speak
	it, there is not one so young and so villanous this
	day living. I speak but brotherly of him; but
	should I anatomize him to thee as he is, I must
	blush and weep and thou must look pale and wonder.

CHARLES	I am heartily glad I came hither to you. If he come
	to-morrow, I'll give him his payment: if ever he go
	alone again, I'll never wrestle for prize more: and
	so God keep your worship!

OLIVER	Farewell, good Charles.

	[Exit CHARLES]

	Now will I stir this gamester: I hope I shall see
	an end of him; for my soul, yet I know not why,
	hates nothing more than he. Yet he's gentle, never
	schooled and yet learned, full of noble device, of
	all sorts enchantingly beloved, and indeed so much
	in the heart of the world, and especially of my own
	people, who best know him, that I am altogether
	misprised: but it shall not be so long; this
	wrestler shall clear all: nothing remains but that
	I kindle the boy thither; which now I'll go about.

	[Exit]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT I



SCENE II	Lawn before the Duke's palace.


	[Enter CELIA and ROSALIND]

CELIA	I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.

ROSALIND	Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of;
	and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could
	teach me to forget a banished father, you must not
	learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.

CELIA	Herein I see thou lovest me not with the full weight
	that I love thee. If my uncle, thy banished father,
	had banished thy uncle, the duke my father, so thou
	hadst been still with me, I could have taught my
	love to take thy father for mine: so wouldst thou,
	if the truth of thy love to me were so righteously
	tempered as mine is to thee.

ROSALIND	Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to
	rejoice in yours.

CELIA	You know my father hath no child but I, nor none is
	like to have: and, truly, when he dies, thou shalt
	be his heir, for what he hath taken away from thy
	father perforce, I will render thee again in
	affection; by mine honour, I will; and when I break
	that oath, let me turn monster: therefore, my
	sweet Rose, my dear Rose, be merry.

ROSALIND	From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let
	me see; what think you of falling in love?

CELIA	Marry, I prithee, do, to make sport withal: but
	love no man in good earnest; nor no further in sport
	neither than with safety of a pure blush thou mayst
	in honour come off again.

ROSALIND	What shall be our sport, then?

CELIA	Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune from
	her wheel, that her gifts may henceforth be bestowed equally.

ROSALIND	I would we could do so, for her benefits are
	mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman
	doth most mistake in her gifts to women.

CELIA	'Tis true; for those that she makes fair she scarce
	makes honest, and those that she makes honest she
	makes very ill-favouredly.

ROSALIND	Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to
	Nature's: Fortune reigns in gifts of the world,
	not in the lineaments of Nature.

	[Enter TOUCHSTONE]

CELIA	No? when Nature hath made a fair creature, may she
	not by Fortune fall into the fire? Though Nature
	hath given us wit to flout at Fortune, hath not
	Fortune sent in this fool to cut off the argument?

ROSALIND	Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when
	Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of
	Nature's wit.

CELIA	Peradventure this is not Fortune's work neither, but
	Nature's; who perceiveth our natural wits too dull
	to reason of such goddesses and hath sent this
	natural for our whetstone; for always the dulness of
	the fool is the whetstone of the wits. How now,
	wit! whither wander you?

TOUCHSTONE	Mistress, you must come away to your father.

CELIA	Were you made the messenger?

TOUCHSTONE	No, by mine honour, but I was bid to come for you.

ROSALIND	Where learned you that oath, fool?

TOUCHSTONE	Of a certain knight that swore by his honour they
	were good pancakes and swore by his honour the
	mustard was naught: now I'll stand to it, the
	pancakes were naught and the mustard was good, and
	yet was not the knight forsworn.

CELIA	How prove you that, in the great heap of your
	knowledge?

ROSALIND	Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.

TOUCHSTONE	Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and
	swear by your beards that I am a knave.

CELIA	By our beards, if we had them, thou art.

TOUCHSTONE	By my knavery, if I had it, then I were; but if you
	swear by that that is not, you are not forsworn: no
	more was this knight swearing by his honour, for he
	never had any; or if he had, he had sworn it away
	before ever he saw those pancakes or that mustard.

CELIA	Prithee, who is't that thou meanest?

TOUCHSTONE	One that old Frederick, your father, loves.

CELIA	My father's love is enough to honour him: enough!
	speak no more of him; you'll be whipped for taxation
	one of these days.

TOUCHSTONE	The more pity, that fools may not speak wisely what
	wise men do foolishly.

CELIA	By my troth, thou sayest true; for since the little
	wit that fools have was silenced, the little foolery
	that wise men have makes a great show. Here comes
	Monsieur Le Beau.

ROSALIND	With his mouth full of news.

CELIA	Which he will put on us, as pigeons feed their young.

ROSALIND	Then shall we be news-crammed.

CELIA	All the better; we shall be the more marketable.

	[Enter LE BEAU]

	Bon jour, Monsieur Le Beau: what's the news?

LE BEAU	Fair princess, you have lost much good sport.

CELIA	Sport! of what colour?

LE BEAU	What colour, madam! how shall I answer you?

ROSALIND	As wit and fortune will.

TOUCHSTONE	Or as the Destinies decree.

CELIA	Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.

TOUCHSTONE	Nay, if I keep not my rank,--

ROSALIND	Thou losest thy old smell.

LE BEAU	You amaze me, ladies: I would have told you of good
	wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.

ROSALIND	You tell us the manner of the wrestling.

LE BEAU	I will tell you the beginning; and, if it please
	your ladyships, you may see the end; for the best is
	yet to do; and here, where you are, they are coming
	to perform it.

CELIA	Well, the beginning, that is dead and buried.

LE BEAU	There comes an old man and his three sons,--

CELIA	I could match this beginning with an old tale.

LE BEAU	Three proper young men, of excellent growth and presence.

ROSALIND	With bills on their necks, 'Be it known unto all men
	by these presents.'

LE BEAU	The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the
	duke's wrestler; which Charles in a moment threw him
	and broke three of his ribs, that there is little
	hope of life in him: so he served the second, and
	so the third. Yonder they lie; the poor old man,
	their father, making such pitiful dole over them
	that all the beholders take his part with weeping.

ROSALIND	Alas!

TOUCHSTONE	But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies
	have lost?

LE BEAU	Why, this that I speak of.

TOUCHSTONE	Thus men may grow wiser every day: it is the first
	time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport
	for ladies.

CELIA	Or I, I promise thee.

ROSALIND	But is there any else longs to see this broken music
	in his sides? is there yet another dotes upon
	rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?

LE BEAU	You must, if you stay here; for here is the place
	appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to
	perform it.

CELIA	Yonder, sure, they are coming: let us now stay and see it.

	[Flourish. Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, ORLANDO,
	CHARLES, and Attendants]

DUKE FREDERICK	Come on: since the youth will not be entreated, his
	own peril on his forwardness.

ROSALIND	Is yonder the man?

LE BEAU	Even he, madam.

CELIA	Alas, he is too young! yet he looks successfully.

DUKE FREDERICK	How now, daughter and cousin! are you crept hither
	to see the wrestling?

ROSALIND	Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.

DUKE FREDERICK	You will take little delight in it, I can tell you;
	there is such odds in the man. In pity of the
	challenger's youth I would fain dissuade him, but he
	will not be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if
	you can move him.

CELIA	Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.

DUKE FREDERICK	Do so: I'll not be by.

LE BEAU	Monsieur the challenger, the princesses call for you.

ORLANDO	I attend them with all respect and duty.

ROSALIND	Young man, have you challenged Charles the wrestler?

ORLANDO	No, fair princess; he is the general challenger: I
	come but in, as others do, to try with him the
	strength of my youth.

CELIA	Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your
	years. You have seen cruel proof of this man's
	strength: if you saw yourself with your eyes or
	knew yourself with your judgment, the fear of your
	adventure would counsel you to a more equal
	enterprise. We pray you, for your own sake, to
	embrace your own safety and give over this attempt.

ROSALIND	Do, young sir; your reputation shall not therefore
	be misprised: we will make it our suit to the duke
	that the wrestling might not go forward.

ORLANDO	I beseech you, punish me not with your hard
	thoughts; wherein I confess me much guilty, to deny
	so fair and excellent ladies any thing. But let
	your fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my
	trial: wherein if I be foiled, there is but one
	shamed that was never gracious; if killed, but one
	dead that was willing to be so: I shall do my
	friends no wrong, for I have none to lament me, the
	world no injury, for in it I have nothing; only in
	the world I fill up a place, which may be better
	supplied when I have made it empty.

ROSALIND	The little strength that I have, I would it were with you.

CELIA	And mine, to eke out hers.

ROSALIND	Fare you well: pray heaven I be deceived in you!

CELIA	Your heart's desires be with you!

CHARLES	Come, where is this young gallant that is so
	desirous to lie with his mother earth?

ORLANDO	Ready, sir; but his will hath in it a more modest working.

DUKE FREDERICK	You shall try but one fall.

CHARLES	No, I warrant your grace, you shall not entreat him
	to a second, that have so mightily persuaded him
	from a first.

ORLANDO	An you mean to mock me after, you should not have
	mocked me before: but come your ways.

ROSALIND	Now Hercules be thy speed, young man!

CELIA	I would I were invisible, to catch the strong
	fellow by the leg.

	[They wrestle]

ROSALIND	O excellent young man!

CELIA	If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who
	should down.

	[Shout. CHARLES is thrown]

DUKE FREDERICK	No more, no more.

ORLANDO	Yes, I beseech your grace: I am not yet well breathed.

DUKE FREDERICK	How dost thou, Charles?

LE BEAU	He cannot speak, my lord.

DUKE FREDERICK	Bear him away. What is thy name, young man?

ORLANDO	Orlando, my liege; the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys.

DUKE FREDERICK	I would thou hadst been son to some man else:
	The world esteem'd thy father honourable,
	But I did find him still mine enemy:
	Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed,
	Hadst thou descended from another house.
	But fare thee well; thou art a gallant youth:
	I would thou hadst told me of another father.

	[Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK, train, and LE BEAU]

CELIA	Were I my father, coz, would I do this?

ORLANDO	I am more proud to be Sir Rowland's son,
	His youngest son; and would not change that calling,
	To be adopted heir to Frederick.

ROSALIND	My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul,
	And all the world was of my father's mind:
	Had I before known this young man his son,
	I should have given him tears unto entreaties,
	Ere he should thus have ventured.

CELIA	Gentle cousin,
	Let us go thank him and encourage him:
	My father's rough and envious disposition
	Sticks me at heart. Sir, you have well deserved:
	If you do keep your promises in love
	But justly, as you have exceeded all promise,
	Your mistress shall be happy.

ROSALIND	Gentleman,

	[Giving him a chain from her neck]

	Wear this for me, one out of suits with fortune,
	That could give more, but that her hand lacks means.
	Shall we go, coz?

CELIA	                  Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.

ORLANDO	Can I not say, I thank you? My better parts
	Are all thrown down, and that which here stands up
	Is but a quintain, a mere lifeless block.

ROSALIND	He calls us back: my pride fell with my fortunes;
	I'll ask him what he would. Did you call, sir?
	Sir, you have wrestled well and overthrown
	More than your enemies.

CELIA	Will you go, coz?

ROSALIND	Have with you. Fare you well.

	[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA]

ORLANDO	What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?
	I cannot speak to her, yet she urged conference.
	O poor Orlando, thou art overthrown!
	Or Charles or something weaker masters thee.

	[Re-enter LE BEAU]

LE BEAU	Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you
	To leave this place. Albeit you have deserved
	High commendation, true applause and love,
	Yet such is now the duke's condition
	That he misconstrues all that you have done.
	The duke is humorous; what he is indeed,
	More suits you to conceive than I to speak of.

ORLANDO	I thank you, sir: and, pray you, tell me this:
	Which of the two was daughter of the duke
	That here was at the wrestling?

LE BEAU	Neither his daughter, if we judge by manners;
	But yet indeed the lesser is his daughter
	The other is daughter to the banish'd duke,
	And here detain'd by her usurping uncle,
	To keep his daughter company; whose loves
	Are dearer than the natural bond of sisters.
	But I can tell you that of late this duke
	Hath ta'en displeasure 'gainst his gentle niece,
	Grounded upon no other argument
	But that the people praise her for her virtues
	And pity her for her good father's sake;
	And, on my life, his malice 'gainst the lady
	Will suddenly break forth. Sir, fare you well:
	Hereafter, in a better world than this,
	I shall desire more love and knowledge of you.

ORLANDO	I rest much bounden to you: fare you well.

	[Exit LE BEAU]

	Thus must I from the smoke into the smother;
	From tyrant duke unto a tyrant brother:
	But heavenly Rosalind!

	[Exit]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT I



SCENE III	A room in the palace.


	[Enter CELIA and ROSALIND]

CELIA	Why, cousin! why, Rosalind! Cupid have mercy! not a word?

ROSALIND	Not one to throw at a dog.

CELIA	No, thy words are too precious to be cast away upon
	curs; throw some of them at me; come, lame me with reasons.

ROSALIND	Then there were two cousins laid up; when the one
	should be lamed with reasons and the other mad
	without any.

CELIA	But is all this for your father?

ROSALIND	No, some of it is for my child's father. O, how
	full of briers is this working-day world!

CELIA	They are but burs, cousin, thrown upon thee in
	holiday foolery: if we walk not in the trodden
	paths our very petticoats will catch them.

ROSALIND	I could shake them off my coat: these burs are in my heart.

CELIA	Hem them away.

ROSALIND	I would try, if I could cry 'hem' and have him.

CELIA	Come, come, wrestle with thy affections.

ROSALIND	O, they take the part of a better wrestler than myself!

CELIA	O, a good wish upon you! you will try in time, in
	despite of a fall. But, turning these jests out of
	service, let us talk in good earnest: is it
	possible, on such a sudden, you should fall into so
	strong a liking with old Sir Rowland's youngest son?

ROSALIND	The duke my father loved his father dearly.

CELIA	Doth it therefore ensue that you should love his son
	dearly? By this kind of chase, I should hate him,
	for my father hated his father dearly; yet I hate
	not Orlando.

ROSALIND	No, faith, hate him not, for my sake.

CELIA	Why should I not? doth he not deserve well?

ROSALIND	Let me love him for that, and do you love him
	because I do. Look, here comes the duke.

CELIA	With his eyes full of anger.

	[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, with Lords]

DUKE FREDERICK	Mistress, dispatch you with your safest haste
	And get you from our court.

ROSALIND	Me, uncle?

DUKE FREDERICK	You, cousin
	Within these ten days if that thou be'st found
	So near our public court as twenty miles,
	Thou diest for it.

ROSALIND	                  I do beseech your grace,
	Let me the knowledge of my fault bear with me:
	If with myself I hold intelligence
	Or have acquaintance with mine own desires,
	If that I do not dream or be not frantic,--
	As I do trust I am not--then, dear uncle,
	Never so much as in a thought unborn
	Did I offend your highness.

DUKE FREDERICK	Thus do all traitors:
	If their purgation did consist in words,
	They are as innocent as grace itself:
	Let it suffice thee that I trust thee not.

ROSALIND	Yet your mistrust cannot make me a traitor:
	Tell me whereon the likelihood depends.

DUKE FREDERICK	Thou art thy father's daughter; there's enough.

ROSALIND	So was I when your highness took his dukedom;
	So was I when your highness banish'd him:
	Treason is not inherited, my lord;
	Or, if we did derive it from our friends,
	What's that to me? my father was no traitor:
	Then, good my liege, mistake me not so much
	To think my poverty is treacherous.

CELIA	Dear sovereign, hear me speak.

DUKE FREDERICK	Ay, Celia; we stay'd her for your sake,
	Else had she with her father ranged along.

CELIA	I did not then entreat to have her stay;
	It was your pleasure and your own remorse:
	I was too young that time to value her;
	But now I know her: if she be a traitor,
	Why so am I; we still have slept together,
	Rose at an instant, learn'd, play'd, eat together,
	And wheresoever we went, like Juno's swans,
	Still we went coupled and inseparable.

DUKE FREDERICK	She is too subtle for thee; and her smoothness,
	Her very silence and her patience
	Speak to the people, and they pity her.
	Thou art a fool: she robs thee of thy name;
	And thou wilt show more bright and seem more virtuous
	When she is gone. Then open not thy lips:
	Firm and irrevocable is my doom
	Which I have pass'd upon her; she is banish'd.

CELIA	Pronounce that sentence then on me, my liege:
	I cannot live out of her company.

DUKE FREDERICK	You are a fool. You, niece, provide yourself:
	If you outstay the time, upon mine honour,
	And in the greatness of my word, you die.

	[Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK and Lords]

CELIA	O my poor Rosalind, whither wilt thou go?
	Wilt thou change fathers? I will give thee mine.
	I charge thee, be not thou more grieved than I am.

ROSALIND	I have more cause.

CELIA	                  Thou hast not, cousin;
	Prithee be cheerful: know'st thou not, the duke
	Hath banish'd me, his daughter?

ROSALIND	That he hath not.

CELIA	No, hath not? Rosalind lacks then the love
	Which teacheth thee that thou and I am one:
	Shall we be sunder'd? shall we part, sweet girl?
	No: let my father seek another heir.
	Therefore devise with me how we may fly,
	Whither to go and what to bear with us;
	And do not seek to take your change upon you,
	To bear your griefs yourself and leave me out;
	For, by this heaven, now at our sorrows pale,
	Say what thou canst, I'll go along with thee.

ROSALIND	Why, whither shall we go?

CELIA	To seek my uncle in the forest of Arden.

ROSALIND	Alas, what danger will it be to us,
	Maids as we are, to travel forth so far!
	Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.

CELIA	I'll put myself in poor and mean attire
	And with a kind of umber smirch my face;
	The like do you: so shall we pass along
	And never stir assailants.

ROSALIND	Were it not better,
	Because that I am more than common tall,
	That I did suit me all points like a man?
	A gallant curtle-axe upon my thigh,
	A boar-spear in my hand; and--in my heart
	Lie there what hidden woman's fear there will--
	We'll have a swashing and a martial outside,
	As many other mannish cowards have
	That do outface it with their semblances.

CELIA	What shall I call thee when thou art a man?

ROSALIND	I'll have no worse a name than Jove's own page;
	And therefore look you call me Ganymede.
	But what will you be call'd?

CELIA	Something that hath a reference to my state
	No longer Celia, but Aliena.

ROSALIND	But, cousin, what if we assay'd to steal
	The clownish fool out of your father's court?
	Would he not be a comfort to our travel?

CELIA	He'll go along o'er the wide world with me;
	Leave me alone to woo him. Let's away,
	And get our jewels and our wealth together,
	Devise the fittest time and safest way
	To hide us from pursuit that will be made
	After my flight. Now go we in content
	To liberty and not to banishment.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE I	The Forest of Arden.


	[Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, and two or three Lords,
	like foresters]

DUKE SENIOR	Now, my co-mates and brothers in exile,
	Hath not old custom made this life more sweet
	Than that of painted pomp? Are not these woods
	More free from peril than the envious court?
	Here feel we but the penalty of Adam,
	The seasons' difference, as the icy fang
	And churlish chiding of the winter's wind,
	Which, when it bites and blows upon my body,
	Even till I shrink with cold, I smile and say
	'This is no flattery: these are counsellors
	That feelingly persuade me what I am.'
	Sweet are the uses of adversity,
	Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
	Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
	And this our life exempt from public haunt
	Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
	Sermons in stones and good in every thing.
	I would not change it.

AMIENS	Happy is your grace,
	That can translate the stubbornness of fortune
	Into so quiet and so sweet a style.

DUKE SENIOR	Come, shall we go and kill us venison?
	And yet it irks me the poor dappled fools,
	Being native burghers of this desert city,
	Should in their own confines with forked heads
	Have their round haunches gored.

First Lord	Indeed, my lord,
	The melancholy Jaques grieves at that,
	And, in that kind, swears you do more usurp
	Than doth your brother that hath banish'd you.
	To-day my Lord of Amiens and myself
	Did steal behind him as he lay along
	Under an oak whose antique root peeps out
	Upon the brook that brawls along this wood:
	To the which place a poor sequester'd stag,
	That from the hunter's aim had ta'en a hurt,
	Did come to languish, and indeed, my lord,
	The wretched animal heaved forth such groans
	That their discharge did stretch his leathern coat
	Almost to bursting, and the big round tears
	Coursed one another down his innocent nose
	In piteous chase; and thus the hairy fool
	Much marked of the melancholy Jaques,
	Stood on the extremest verge of the swift brook,
	Augmenting it with tears.

DUKE SENIOR	But what said Jaques?
	Did he not moralize this spectacle?

First Lord	O, yes, into a thousand similes.
	First, for his weeping into the needless stream;
	'Poor deer,' quoth he, 'thou makest a testament
	As worldlings do, giving thy sum of more
	To that which had too much:' then, being there alone,
	Left and abandon'd of his velvet friends,
	''Tis right:' quoth he; 'thus misery doth part
	The flux of company:' anon a careless herd,
	Full of the pasture, jumps along by him
	And never stays to greet him; 'Ay' quoth Jaques,
	'Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens;
	'Tis just the fashion: wherefore do you look
	Upon that poor and broken bankrupt there?'
	Thus most invectively he pierceth through
	The body of the country, city, court,
	Yea, and of this our life, swearing that we
	Are mere usurpers, tyrants and what's worse,
	To fright the animals and to kill them up
	In their assign'd and native dwelling-place.

DUKE SENIOR	And did you leave him in this contemplation?

Second Lord	We did, my lord, weeping and commenting
	Upon the sobbing deer.

DUKE SENIOR	Show me the place:
	I love to cope him in these sullen fits,
	For then he's full of matter.

First Lord	I'll bring you to him straight.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE II	A room in the palace.


	[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, with Lords]

DUKE FREDERICK	Can it be possible that no man saw them?
	It cannot be: some villains of my court
	Are of consent and sufferance in this.

First Lord	I cannot hear of any that did see her.
	The ladies, her attendants of her chamber,
	Saw her abed, and in the morning early
	They found the bed untreasured of their mistress.

Second Lord	My lord, the roynish clown, at whom so oft
	Your grace was wont to laugh, is also missing.
	Hisperia, the princess' gentlewoman,
	Confesses that she secretly o'erheard
	Your daughter and her cousin much commend
	The parts and graces of the wrestler
	That did but lately foil the sinewy Charles;
	And she believes, wherever they are gone,
	That youth is surely in their company.

DUKE FREDERICK	Send to his brother; fetch that gallant hither;
	If he be absent, bring his brother to me;
	I'll make him find him: do this suddenly,
	And let not search and inquisition quail
	To bring again these foolish runaways.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE III	Before OLIVER'S house.


	[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM, meeting]

ORLANDO	Who's there?

ADAM	What, my young master? O, my gentle master!
	O my sweet master! O you memory
	Of old Sir Rowland! why, what make you here?
	Why are you virtuous? why do people love you?
	And wherefore are you gentle, strong and valiant?
	Why would you be so fond to overcome
	The bonny priser of the humorous duke?
	Your praise is come too swiftly home before you.
	Know you not, master, to some kind of men
	Their graces serve them but as enemies?
	No more do yours: your virtues, gentle master,
	Are sanctified and holy traitors to you.
	O, what a world is this, when what is comely
	Envenoms him that bears it!

ORLANDO	Why, what's the matter?

ADAM	O unhappy youth!
	Come not within these doors; within this roof
	The enemy of all your graces lives:
	Your brother--no, no brother; yet the son--
	Yet not the son, I will not call him son
	Of him I was about to call his father--
	Hath heard your praises, and this night he means
	To burn the lodging where you use to lie
	And you within it: if he fail of that,
	He will have other means to cut you off.
	I overheard him and his practises.
	This is no place; this house is but a butchery:
	Abhor it, fear it, do not enter it.

ORLANDO	Why, whither, Adam, wouldst thou have me go?

ADAM	No matter whither, so you come not here.

ORLANDO	What, wouldst thou have me go and beg my food?
	Or with a base and boisterous sword enforce
	A thievish living on the common road?
	This I must do, or know not what to do:
	Yet this I will not do, do how I can;
	I rather will subject me to the malice
	Of a diverted blood and bloody brother.

ADAM	But do not so. I have five hundred crowns,
	The thrifty hire I saved under your father,
	Which I did store to be my foster-nurse
	When service should in my old limbs lie lame
	And unregarded age in corners thrown:
	Take that, and He that doth the ravens feed,
	Yea, providently caters for the sparrow,
	Be comfort to my age! Here is the gold;
	And all this I give you. Let me be your servant:
	Though I look old, yet I am strong and lusty;
	For in my youth I never did apply
	Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood,
	Nor did not with unbashful forehead woo
	The means of weakness and debility;
	Therefore my age is as a lusty winter,
	Frosty, but kindly: let me go with you;
	I'll do the service of a younger man
	In all your business and necessities.

ORLANDO	O good old man, how well in thee appears
	The constant service of the antique world,
	When service sweat for duty, not for meed!
	Thou art not for the fashion of these times,
	Where none will sweat but for promotion,
	And having that, do choke their service up
	Even with the having: it is not so with thee.
	But, poor old man, thou prunest a rotten tree,
	That cannot so much as a blossom yield
	In lieu of all thy pains and husbandry
	But come thy ways; well go along together,
	And ere we have thy youthful wages spent,
	We'll light upon some settled low content.

ADAM	Master, go on, and I will follow thee,
	To the last gasp, with truth and loyalty.
	From seventeen years till now almost fourscore
	Here lived I, but now live here no more.
	At seventeen years many their fortunes seek;
	But at fourscore it is too late a week:
	Yet fortune cannot recompense me better
	Than to die well and not my master's debtor.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE IV	The Forest of Arden.


	[Enter ROSALIND for Ganymede, CELIA for Aliena,
	and TOUCHSTONE]

ROSALIND	O Jupiter, how weary are my spirits!

TOUCHSTONE	I care not for my spirits, if my legs were not weary.

ROSALIND	I could find in my heart to disgrace my man's
	apparel and to cry like a woman; but I must comfort
	the weaker vessel, as doublet and hose ought to show
	itself courageous to petticoat: therefore courage,
	good Aliena!

CELIA	I pray you, bear with me; I cannot go no further.

TOUCHSTONE	For my part, I had rather bear with you than bear
	you; yet I should bear no cross if I did bear you,
	for I think you have no money in your purse.

ROSALIND	Well, this is the forest of Arden.

TOUCHSTONE	Ay, now am I in Arden; the more fool I; when I was
	at home, I was in a better place: but travellers
	must be content.

ROSALIND	Ay, be so, good Touchstone.

	[Enter CORIN and SILVIUS]

	Look you, who comes here; a young man and an old in
	solemn talk.

CORIN	That is the way to make her scorn you still.

SILVIUS	O Corin, that thou knew'st how I do love her!

CORIN	I partly guess; for I have loved ere now.

SILVIUS	No, Corin, being old, thou canst not guess,
	Though in thy youth thou wast as true a lover
	As ever sigh'd upon a midnight pillow:
	But if thy love were ever like to mine--
	As sure I think did never man love so--
	How many actions most ridiculous
	Hast thou been drawn to by thy fantasy?

CORIN	Into a thousand that I have forgotten.

SILVIUS	O, thou didst then ne'er love so heartily!
	If thou remember'st not the slightest folly
	That ever love did make thee run into,
	Thou hast not loved:
	Or if thou hast not sat as I do now,
	Wearying thy hearer in thy mistress' praise,
	Thou hast not loved:
	Or if thou hast not broke from company
	Abruptly, as my passion now makes me,
	Thou hast not loved.
	O Phebe, Phebe, Phebe!

	[Exit]

ROSALIND	Alas, poor shepherd! searching of thy wound,
	I have by hard adventure found mine own.

TOUCHSTONE	And I mine. I remember, when I was in love I broke
	my sword upon a stone and bid him take that for
	coming a-night to Jane Smile; and I remember the
	kissing of her batlet and the cow's dugs that her
	pretty chopt hands had milked; and I remember the
	wooing of a peascod instead of her, from whom I took
	two cods and, giving her them again, said with
	weeping tears 'Wear these for my sake.' We that are
	true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is
	mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly.

ROSALIND	Thou speakest wiser than thou art ware of.

TOUCHSTONE	Nay, I shall ne'er be ware of mine own wit till I
	break my shins against it.

ROSALIND	Jove, Jove! this shepherd's passion
	Is much upon my fashion.

TOUCHSTONE	And mine; but it grows something stale with me.

CELIA	I pray you, one of you question yond man
	If he for gold will give us any food:
	I faint almost to death.

TOUCHSTONE	Holla, you clown!

ROSALIND	Peace, fool: he's not thy kinsman.

CORIN	Who calls?

TOUCHSTONE	Your betters, sir.

CORIN	                  Else are they very wretched.

ROSALIND	Peace, I say. Good even to you, friend.

CORIN	And to you, gentle sir, and to you all.

ROSALIND	I prithee, shepherd, if that love or gold
	Can in this desert place buy entertainment,
	Bring us where we may rest ourselves and feed:
	Here's a young maid with travel much oppress'd
	And faints for succor.

CORIN	Fair sir, I pity her
	And wish, for her sake more than for mine own,
	My fortunes were more able to relieve her;
	But I am shepherd to another man
	And do not shear the fleeces that I graze:
	My master is of churlish disposition
	And little recks to find the way to heaven
	By doing deeds of hospitality:
	Besides, his cote, his flocks and bounds of feed
	Are now on sale, and at our sheepcote now,
	By reason of his absence, there is nothing
	That you will feed on; but what is, come see.
	And in my voice most welcome shall you be.

ROSALIND	What is he that shall buy his flock and pasture?

CORIN	That young swain that you saw here but erewhile,
	That little cares for buying any thing.

ROSALIND	I pray thee, if it stand with honesty,
	Buy thou the cottage, pasture and the flock,
	And thou shalt have to pay for it of us.

CELIA	And we will mend thy wages. I like this place.
	And willingly could waste my time in it.

CORIN	Assuredly the thing is to be sold:
	Go with me: if you like upon report
	The soil, the profit and this kind of life,
	I will your very faithful feeder be
	And buy it with your gold right suddenly.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE V	The Forest.


	[Enter AMIENS, JAQUES, and others]
	
	SONG.
AMIENS	Under the greenwood tree
	Who loves to lie with me,
	And turn his merry note
	Unto the sweet bird's throat,
	Come hither, come hither, come hither:
	Here shall he see No enemy
	But winter and rough weather.

JAQUES	More, more, I prithee, more.

AMIENS	It will make you melancholy, Monsieur Jaques.

JAQUES	I thank it. More, I prithee, more. I can suck
	melancholy out of a song, as a weasel sucks eggs.
	More, I prithee, more.

AMIENS	My voice is ragged: I know I cannot please you.

JAQUES	I do not desire you to please me; I do desire you to
	sing. Come, more; another stanzo: call you 'em stanzos?

AMIENS	What you will, Monsieur Jaques.

JAQUES	Nay, I care not for their names; they owe me
	nothing. Will you sing?

AMIENS	More at your request than to please myself.

JAQUES	Well then, if ever I thank any man, I'll thank you;
	but that they call compliment is like the encounter
	of two dog-apes, and when a man thanks me heartily,
	methinks I have given him a penny and he renders me
	the beggarly thanks. Come, sing; and you that will
	not, hold your tongues.

AMIENS	Well, I'll end the song. Sirs, cover the while; the
	duke will drink under this tree. He hath been all
	this day to look you.

JAQUES	And I have been all this day to avoid him. He is
	too disputable for my company: I think of as many
	matters as he, but I give heaven thanks and make no
	boast of them. Come, warble, come.
	
	SONG.
	Who doth ambition shun

	[All together here]

	And loves to live i' the sun,
	Seeking the food he eats
	And pleased with what he gets,
	Come hither, come hither, come hither:
	Here shall he see No enemy
	But winter and rough weather.

JAQUES	I'll give you a verse to this note that I made
	yesterday in despite of my invention.

AMIENS	And I'll sing it.

JAQUES	Thus it goes:--

	If it do come to pass
	That any man turn ass,
	Leaving his wealth and ease,
	A stubborn will to please,
	Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame:
	Here shall he see
	Gross fools as he,
	An if he will come to me.

AMIENS	What's that 'ducdame'?

JAQUES	'Tis a Greek invocation, to call fools into a
	circle. I'll go sleep, if I can; if I cannot, I'll
	rail against all the first-born of Egypt.

AMIENS	And I'll go seek the duke: his banquet is prepared.

	[Exeunt severally]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE VI	The forest.


	[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM]

ADAM	Dear master, I can go no further. O, I die for food!
	Here lie I down, and measure out my grave. Farewell,
	kind master.

ORLANDO	Why, how now, Adam! no greater heart in thee? Live
	a little; comfort a little; cheer thyself a little.
	If this uncouth forest yield any thing savage, I
	will either be food for it or bring it for food to
	thee. Thy conceit is nearer death than thy powers.
	For my sake be comfortable; hold death awhile at
	the arm's end: I will here be with thee presently;
	and if I bring thee not something to eat, I will
	give thee leave to die: but if thou diest before I
	come, thou art a mocker of my labour. Well said!
	thou lookest cheerly, and I'll be with thee quickly.
	Yet thou liest in the bleak air: come, I will bear
	thee to some shelter; and thou shalt not die for
	lack of a dinner, if there live any thing in this
	desert. Cheerly, good Adam!

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT II



SCENE VII	The forest.


	[A table set out. Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, and
	Lords like outlaws]

DUKE SENIOR	I think he be transform'd into a beast;
	For I can no where find him like a man.

First Lord	My lord, he is but even now gone hence:
	Here was he merry, hearing of a song.

DUKE SENIOR	If he, compact of jars, grow musical,
	We shall have shortly discord in the spheres.
	Go, seek him: tell him I would speak with him.

	[Enter JAQUES]

First Lord	He saves my labour by his own approach.

DUKE SENIOR	Why, how now, monsieur! what a life is this,
	That your poor friends must woo your company?
	What, you look merrily!

JAQUES	A fool, a fool! I met a fool i' the forest,
	A motley fool; a miserable world!
	As I do live by food, I met a fool
	Who laid him down and bask'd him in the sun,
	And rail'd on Lady Fortune in good terms,
	In good set terms and yet a motley fool.
	'Good morrow, fool,' quoth I. 'No, sir,' quoth he,
	'Call me not fool till heaven hath sent me fortune:'
	And then he drew a dial from his poke,
	And, looking on it with lack-lustre eye,
	Says very wisely, 'It is ten o'clock:
	Thus we may see,' quoth he, 'how the world wags:
	'Tis but an hour ago since it was nine,
	And after one hour more 'twill be eleven;
	And so, from hour to hour, we ripe and ripe,
	And then, from hour to hour, we rot and rot;
	And thereby hangs a tale.' When I did hear
	The motley fool thus moral on the time,
	My lungs began to crow like chanticleer,
	That fools should be so deep-contemplative,
	And I did laugh sans intermission
	An hour by his dial. O noble fool!
	A worthy fool! Motley's the only wear.

DUKE SENIOR	What fool is this?

JAQUES	O worthy fool! One that hath been a courtier,
	And says, if ladies be but young and fair,
	They have the gift to know it: and in his brain,
	Which is as dry as the remainder biscuit
	After a voyage, he hath strange places cramm'd
	With observation, the which he vents
	In mangled forms. O that I were a fool!
	I am ambitious for a motley coat.

DUKE SENIOR	Thou shalt have one.

JAQUES	It is my only suit;
	Provided that you weed your better judgments
	Of all opinion that grows rank in them
	That I am wise. I must have liberty
	Withal, as large a charter as the wind,
	To blow on whom I please; for so fools have;
	And they that are most galled with my folly,
	They most must laugh. And why, sir, must they so?
	The 'why' is plain as way to parish church:
	He that a fool doth very wisely hit
	Doth very foolishly, although he smart,
	Not to seem senseless of the bob: if not,
	The wise man's folly is anatomized
	Even by the squandering glances of the fool.
	Invest me in my motley; give me leave
	To speak my mind, and I will through and through
	Cleanse the foul body of the infected world,
	If they will patiently receive my medicine.

DUKE SENIOR	Fie on thee! I can tell what thou wouldst do.

JAQUES	What, for a counter, would I do but good?

DUKE SENIOR	Most mischievous foul sin, in chiding sin:
	For thou thyself hast been a libertine,
	As sensual as the brutish sting itself;
	And all the embossed sores and headed evils,
	That thou with licence of free foot hast caught,
	Wouldst thou disgorge into the general world.

JAQUES	Why, who cries out on pride,
	That can therein tax any private party?
	Doth it not flow as hugely as the sea,
	Till that the weary very means do ebb?
	What woman in the city do I name,
	When that I say the city-woman bears
	The cost of princes on unworthy shoulders?
	Who can come in and say that I mean her,
	When such a one as she such is her neighbour?
	Or what is he of basest function
	That says his bravery is not of my cost,
	Thinking that I mean him, but therein suits
	His folly to the mettle of my speech?
	There then; how then? what then? Let me see wherein
	My tongue hath wrong'd him: if it do him right,
	Then he hath wrong'd himself; if he be free,
	Why then my taxing like a wild-goose flies,
	Unclaim'd of any man. But who comes here?

	[Enter ORLANDO, with his sword drawn]

ORLANDO	Forbear, and eat no more.

JAQUES	Why, I have eat none yet.

ORLANDO	Nor shalt not, till necessity be served.

JAQUES	Of what kind should this cock come of?

DUKE SENIOR	Art thou thus bolden'd, man, by thy distress,
	Or else a rude despiser of good manners,
	That in civility thou seem'st so empty?

ORLANDO	You touch'd my vein at first: the thorny point
	Of bare distress hath ta'en from me the show
	Of smooth civility: yet am I inland bred
	And know some nurture. But forbear, I say:
	He dies that touches any of this fruit
	Till I and my affairs are answered.

JAQUES	An you will not be answered with reason, I must die.

DUKE SENIOR	What would you have? Your gentleness shall force
	More than your force move us to gentleness.

ORLANDO	I almost die for food; and let me have it.

DUKE SENIOR	Sit down and feed, and welcome to our table.

ORLANDO	Speak you so gently? Pardon me, I pray you:
	I thought that all things had been savage here;
	And therefore put I on the countenance
	Of stern commandment. But whate'er you are
	That in this desert inaccessible,
	Under the shade of melancholy boughs,
	Lose and neglect the creeping hours of time
	If ever you have look'd on better days,
	If ever been where bells have knoll'd to church,
	If ever sat at any good man's feast,
	If ever from your eyelids wiped a tear
	And know what 'tis to pity and be pitied,
	Let gentleness my strong enforcement be:
	In the which hope I blush, and hide my sword.

DUKE SENIOR	True is it that we have seen better days,
	And have with holy bell been knoll'd to church
	And sat at good men's feasts and wiped our eyes
	Of drops that sacred pity hath engender'd:
	And therefore sit you down in gentleness
	And take upon command what help we have
	That to your wanting may be minister'd.

ORLANDO	Then but forbear your food a little while,
	Whiles, like a doe, I go to find my fawn
	And give it food. There is an old poor man,
	Who after me hath many a weary step
	Limp'd in pure love: till he be first sufficed,
	Oppress'd with two weak evils, age and hunger,
	I will not touch a bit.

DUKE SENIOR	Go find him out,
	And we will nothing waste till you return.

ORLANDO	I thank ye; and be blest for your good comfort!

	[Exit]

DUKE SENIOR	Thou seest we are not all alone unhappy:
	This wide and universal theatre
	Presents more woeful pageants than the scene
	Wherein we play in.

JAQUES	All the world's a stage,
	And all the men and women merely players:
	They have their exits and their entrances;
	And one man in his time plays many parts,
	His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
	Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
	And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
	And shining morning face, creeping like snail
	Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
	Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
	Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
	Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
	Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
	Seeking the bubble reputation
	Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
	In fair round belly with good capon lined,
	With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
	Full of wise saws and modern instances;
	And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
	Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
	With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
	His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
	For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
	Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
	And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
	That ends this strange eventful history,
	Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
	Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

	[Re-enter ORLANDO, with ADAM]

DUKE SENIOR	Welcome. Set down your venerable burthen,
	And let him feed.

ORLANDO	I thank you most for him.

ADAM	So had you need:
	I scarce can speak to thank you for myself.

DUKE SENIOR	Welcome; fall to: I will not trouble you
	As yet, to question you about your fortunes.
	Give us some music; and, good cousin, sing.
	
	SONG.
AMIENS	Blow, blow, thou winter wind.
	Thou art not so unkind
	As man's ingratitude;
	Thy tooth is not so keen,
	Because thou art not seen,
	Although thy breath be rude.
	Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
	Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
	Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
	This life is most jolly.
	Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
	That dost not bite so nigh
	As benefits forgot:
	Though thou the waters warp,
	Thy sting is not so sharp
	As friend remember'd not.
	Heigh-ho! sing, &c.

DUKE SENIOR	If that you were the good Sir Rowland's son,
	As you have whisper'd faithfully you were,
	And as mine eye doth his effigies witness
	Most truly limn'd and living in your face,
	Be truly welcome hither: I am the duke
	That loved your father: the residue of your fortune,
	Go to my cave and tell me. Good old man,
	Thou art right welcome as thy master is.
	Support him by the arm. Give me your hand,
	And let me all your fortunes understand.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT III



SCENE I	A room in the palace.


	[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, and OLIVER]

DUKE FREDERICK	Not see him since? Sir, sir, that cannot be:
	But were I not the better part made mercy,
	I should not seek an absent argument
	Of my revenge, thou present. But look to it:
	Find out thy brother, wheresoe'er he is;
	Seek him with candle; bring him dead or living
	Within this twelvemonth, or turn thou no more
	To seek a living in our territory.
	Thy lands and all things that thou dost call thine
	Worth seizure do we seize into our hands,
	Till thou canst quit thee by thy brothers mouth
	Of what we think against thee.

OLIVER	O that your highness knew my heart in this!
	I never loved my brother in my life.

DUKE FREDERICK	More villain thou. Well, push him out of doors;
	And let my officers of such a nature
	Make an extent upon his house and lands:
	Do this expediently and turn him going.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT III



SCENE II	The forest.


	[Enter ORLANDO, with a paper]

ORLANDO	Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love:
	And thou, thrice-crowned queen of night, survey
	With thy chaste eye, from thy pale sphere above,
	Thy huntress' name that my full life doth sway.
	O Rosalind! these trees shall be my books
	And in their barks my thoughts I'll character;
	That every eye which in this forest looks
	Shall see thy virtue witness'd every where.
	Run, run, Orlando; carve on every tree
	The fair, the chaste and unexpressive she.

	[Exit]

	[Enter CORIN and TOUCHSTONE]

CORIN	And how like you this shepherd's life, Master Touchstone?

TOUCHSTONE	Truly, shepherd, in respect of itself, it is a good
	life, but in respect that it is a shepherd's life,
	it is naught. In respect that it is solitary, I
	like it very well; but in respect that it is
	private, it is a very vile life. Now, in respect it
	is in the fields, it pleaseth me well; but in
	respect it is not in the court, it is tedious. As
	is it a spare life, look you, it fits my humour well;
	but as there is no more plenty in it, it goes much
	against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, shepherd?

CORIN	No more but that I know the more one sickens the
	worse at ease he is; and that he that wants money,
	means and content is without three good friends;
	that the property of rain is to wet and fire to
	burn; that good pasture makes fat sheep, and that a
	great cause of the night is lack of the sun; that
	he that hath learned no wit by nature nor art may
	complain of good breeding or comes of a very dull kindred.

TOUCHSTONE	Such a one is a natural philosopher. Wast ever in
	court, shepherd?

CORIN	No, truly.

TOUCHSTONE	Then thou art damned.

CORIN	Nay, I hope.

TOUCHSTONE	Truly, thou art damned like an ill-roasted egg, all
	on one side.

CORIN	For not being at court? Your reason.

TOUCHSTONE	Why, if thou never wast at court, thou never sawest
	good manners; if thou never sawest good manners,
	then thy manners must be wicked; and wickedness is
	sin, and sin is damnation. Thou art in a parlous
	state, shepherd.

CORIN	Not a whit, Touchstone: those that are good manners
	at the court are as ridiculous in the country as the
	behavior of the country is most mockable at the
	court. You told me you salute not at the court, but
	you kiss your hands: that courtesy would be
	uncleanly, if courtiers were shepherds.

TOUCHSTONE	Instance, briefly; come, instance.

CORIN	Why, we are still handling our ewes, and their
	fells, you know, are greasy.

TOUCHSTONE	Why, do not your courtier's hands sweat? and is not
	the grease of a mutton as wholesome as the sweat of
	a man? Shallow, shallow. A better instance, I say; come.

CORIN	Besides, our hands are hard.

TOUCHSTONE	Your lips will feel them the sooner. Shallow again.
	A more sounder instance, come.

CORIN	And they are often tarred over with the surgery of
	our sheep: and would you have us kiss tar? The
	courtier's hands are perfumed with civet.

TOUCHSTONE	Most shallow man! thou worms-meat, in respect of a
	good piece of flesh indeed! Learn of the wise, and
	perpend: civet is of a baser birth than tar, the
	very uncleanly flux of a cat. Mend the instance, shepherd.

CORIN	You have too courtly a wit for me: I'll rest.

TOUCHSTONE	Wilt thou rest damned? God help thee, shallow man!
	God make incision in thee! thou art raw.

CORIN	Sir, I am a true labourer: I earn that I eat, get
	that I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man's
	happiness, glad of other men's good, content with my
	harm, and the greatest of my pride is to see my ewes
	graze and my lambs suck.

TOUCHSTONE	That is another simple sin in you, to bring the ewes
	and the rams together and to offer to get your
	living by the copulation of cattle; to be bawd to a
	bell-wether, and to betray a she-lamb of a
	twelvemonth to a crooked-pated, old, cuckoldly ram,
	out of all reasonable match. If thou beest not
	damned for this, the devil himself will have no
	shepherds; I cannot see else how thou shouldst
	'scape.

CORIN	Here comes young Master Ganymede, my new mistress's brother.

	[Enter ROSALIND, with a paper, reading]

ROSALIND	     From the east to western Ind,
	No jewel is like Rosalind.
	Her worth, being mounted on the wind,
	Through all the world bears Rosalind.
	All the pictures fairest lined
	Are but black to Rosalind.
	Let no fair be kept in mind
	But the fair of Rosalind.

TOUCHSTONE	I'll rhyme you so eight years together, dinners and
	suppers and sleeping-hours excepted: it is the
	right butter-women's rank to market.

ROSALIND	Out, fool!

TOUCHSTONE	For a taste:
	If a hart do lack a hind,
	Let him seek out Rosalind.
	If the cat will after kind,
	So be sure will Rosalind.
	Winter garments must be lined,
	So must slender Rosalind.
	They that reap must sheaf and bind;
	Then to cart with Rosalind.
	Sweetest nut hath sourest rind,
	Such a nut is Rosalind.
	He that sweetest rose will find
	Must find love's prick and Rosalind.
	This is the very false gallop of verses: why do you
	infect yourself with them?

ROSALIND	Peace, you dull fool! I found them on a tree.

TOUCHSTONE	Truly, the tree yields bad fruit.

ROSALIND	I'll graff it with you, and then I shall graff it
	with a medlar: then it will be the earliest fruit
	i' the country; for you'll be rotten ere you be half
	ripe, and that's the right virtue of the medlar.

TOUCHSTONE	You have said; but whether wisely or no, let the
	forest judge.

	[Enter CELIA, with a writing]

ROSALIND	Peace! Here comes my sister, reading: stand aside.

CELIA	[Reads]

	Why should this a desert be?
	For it is unpeopled? No:
	Tongues I'll hang on every tree,
	That shall civil sayings show:
	Some, how brief the life of man
	Runs his erring pilgrimage,
	That the stretching of a span
	Buckles in his sum of age;
	Some, of violated vows
	'Twixt the souls of friend and friend:
	But upon the fairest boughs,
	Or at every sentence end,
	Will I Rosalinda write,
	Teaching all that read to know
	The quintessence of every sprite
	Heaven would in little show.
	Therefore Heaven Nature charged
	That one body should be fill'd
	With all graces wide-enlarged:
	Nature presently distill'd
	Helen's cheek, but not her heart,
	Cleopatra's majesty,
	Atalanta's better part,
	Sad Lucretia's modesty.
	Thus Rosalind of many parts
	By heavenly synod was devised,
	Of many faces, eyes and hearts,
	To have the touches dearest prized.
	Heaven would that she these gifts should have,
	And I to live and die her slave.

ROSALIND	O most gentle pulpiter! what tedious homily of love
	have you wearied your parishioners withal, and never
	cried 'Have patience, good people!'

CELIA	How now! back, friends! Shepherd, go off a little.
	Go with him, sirrah.

TOUCHSTONE	Come, shepherd, let us make an honourable retreat;
	though not with bag and baggage, yet with scrip and scrippage.

	[Exeunt CORIN and TOUCHSTONE]

CELIA	Didst thou hear these verses?

ROSALIND	O, yes, I heard them all, and more too; for some of
	them had in them more feet than the verses would bear.

CELIA	That's no matter: the feet might bear the verses.

ROSALIND	Ay, but the feet were lame and could not bear
	themselves without the verse and therefore stood
	lamely in the verse.

CELIA	But didst thou hear without wondering how thy name
	should be hanged and carved upon these trees?

ROSALIND	I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder
	before you came; for look here what I found on a
	palm-tree. I was never so be-rhymed since
	Pythagoras' time, that I was an Irish rat, which I
	can hardly remember.

CELIA	Trow you who hath done this?

ROSALIND	Is it a man?

CELIA	And a chain, that you once wore, about his neck.
	Change you colour?

ROSALIND	I prithee, who?

CELIA	O Lord, Lord! it is a hard matter for friends to
	meet; but mountains may be removed with earthquakes
	and so encounter.

ROSALIND	Nay, but who is it?

CELIA	Is it possible?

ROSALIND	Nay, I prithee now with most petitionary vehemence,
	tell me who it is.

CELIA	O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful
	wonderful! and yet again wonderful, and after that,
	out of all hooping!

ROSALIND	Good my complexion! dost thou think, though I am
	caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in
	my disposition? One inch of delay more is a
	South-sea of discovery; I prithee, tell me who is it
	quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst
	stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man
	out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of a narrow-
	mouthed bottle, either too much at once, or none at
	all. I prithee, take the cork out of thy mouth that
	may drink thy tidings.

CELIA	So you may put a man in your belly.

ROSALIND	Is he of God's making? What manner of man? Is his
	head worth a hat, or his chin worth a beard?

CELIA	Nay, he hath but a little beard.

ROSALIND	Why, God will send more, if the man will be
	thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if
	thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.

CELIA	It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler's
	heels and your heart both in an instant.

ROSALIND	Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak, sad brow and
	true maid.

CELIA	I' faith, coz, 'tis he.

ROSALIND	Orlando?

CELIA	Orlando.

ROSALIND	Alas the day! what shall I do with my doublet and
	hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said
	he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes
	him here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he?
	How parted he with thee? and when shalt thou see
	him again? Answer me in one word.

CELIA	You must borrow me Gargantua's mouth first: 'tis a
	word too great for any mouth of this age's size. To
	say ay and no to these particulars is more than to
	answer in a catechism.

ROSALIND	But doth he know that I am in this forest and in
	man's apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the
	day he wrestled?

CELIA	It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the
	propositions of a lover; but take a taste of my
	finding him, and relish it with good observance.
	I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn.

ROSALIND	It may well be called Jove's tree, when it drops
	forth such fruit.

CELIA	Give me audience, good madam.

ROSALIND	Proceed.

CELIA	There lay he, stretched along, like a wounded knight.

ROSALIND	Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well
	becomes the ground.

CELIA	Cry 'holla' to thy tongue, I prithee; it curvets
	unseasonably. He was furnished like a hunter.

ROSALIND	O, ominous! he comes to kill my heart.

CELIA	I would sing my song without a burden: thou bringest
	me out of tune.

ROSALIND	Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must
	speak. Sweet, say on.

CELIA	You bring me out. Soft! comes he not here?

	[Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES]

ROSALIND	'Tis he: slink by, and note him.

JAQUES	I thank you for your company; but, good faith, I had
	as lief have been myself alone.

ORLANDO	And so had I; but yet, for fashion sake, I thank you
	too for your society.

JAQUES	God be wi' you: let's meet as little as we can.

ORLANDO	I do desire we may be better strangers.

JAQUES	I pray you, mar no more trees with writing
	love-songs in their barks.

ORLANDO	I pray you, mar no more of my verses with reading
	them ill-favouredly.

JAQUES	Rosalind is your love's name?

ORLANDO	Yes, just.

JAQUES	I do not like her name.

ORLANDO	There was no thought of pleasing you when she was
	christened.

JAQUES	What stature is she of?

ORLANDO	Just as high as my heart.

JAQUES	You are full of pretty answers. Have you not been
	acquainted with goldsmiths' wives, and conned them
	out of rings?

ORLANDO	Not so; but I answer you right painted cloth, from
	whence you have studied your questions.

JAQUES	You have a nimble wit: I think 'twas made of
	Atalanta's heels. Will you sit down with me? and
	we two will rail against our mistress the world and
	all our misery.

ORLANDO	I will chide no breather in the world but myself,
	against whom I know most faults.

JAQUES	The worst fault you have is to be in love.

ORLANDO	'Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue.
	I am weary of you.

JAQUES	By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found
	you.

ORLANDO	He is drowned in the brook: look but in, and you
	shall see him.

JAQUES	There I shall see mine own figure.

ORLANDO	Which I take to be either a fool or a cipher.

JAQUES	I'll tarry no longer with you: farewell, good
	Signior Love.

ORLANDO	I am glad of your departure: adieu, good Monsieur
	Melancholy.

	[Exit JAQUES]

ROSALIND	[Aside to CELIA]  I will speak to him, like a saucy
	lackey and under that habit play the knave with him.
	Do you hear, forester?

ORLANDO	Very well: what would you?

ROSALIND	I pray you, what is't o'clock?

ORLANDO	You should ask me what time o' day: there's no clock
	in the forest.

ROSALIND	Then there is no true lover in the forest; else
	sighing every minute and groaning every hour would
	detect the lazy foot of Time as well as a clock.

ORLANDO	And why not the swift foot of Time? had not that
	been as proper?

ROSALIND	By no means, sir: Time travels in divers paces with
	divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles
	withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops
	withal and who he stands still withal.

ORLANDO	I prithee, who doth he trot withal?

ROSALIND	Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the
	contract of her marriage and the day it is
	solemnized: if the interim be but a se'nnight,
	Time's pace is so hard that it seems the length of
	seven year.

ORLANDO	Who ambles Time withal?

ROSALIND	With a priest that lacks Latin and a rich man that
	hath not the gout, for the one sleeps easily because
	he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because
	he feels no pain, the one lacking the burden of lean
	and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden
	of heavy tedious penury; these Time ambles withal.

ORLANDO	Who doth he gallop withal?

ROSALIND	With a thief to the gallows, for though he go as
	softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.

ORLANDO	Who stays it still withal?

ROSALIND	With lawyers in the vacation, for they sleep between
	term and term and then they perceive not how Time moves.

ORLANDO	Where dwell you, pretty youth?

ROSALIND	With this shepherdess, my sister; here in the
	skirts of the forest, like fringe upon a petticoat.

ORLANDO	Are you native of this place?

ROSALIND	As the cony that you see dwell where she is kindled.

ORLANDO	Your accent is something finer than you could
	purchase in so removed a dwelling.

ROSALIND	I have been told so of many: but indeed an old
	religious uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was
	in his youth an inland man; one that knew courtship
	too well, for there he fell in love. I have heard
	him read many lectures against it, and I thank God
	I am not a woman, to be touched with so many
	giddy offences as he hath generally taxed their
	whole sex withal.

ORLANDO	Can you remember any of the principal evils that he
	laid to the charge of women?

ROSALIND	There were none principal; they were all like one
	another as half-pence are, every one fault seeming
	monstrous till his fellow fault came to match it.

ORLANDO	I prithee, recount some of them.

ROSALIND	No, I will not cast away my physic but on those that
	are sick. There is a man haunts the forest, that
	abuses our young plants with carving 'Rosalind' on
	their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns and elegies
	on brambles, all, forsooth, deifying the name of
	Rosalind: if I could meet that fancy-monger I would
	give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the
	quotidian of love upon him.

ORLANDO	I am he that is so love-shaked: I pray you tell me
	your remedy.

ROSALIND	There is none of my uncle's marks upon you: he
	taught me how to know a man in love; in which cage
	of rushes I am sure you are not prisoner.

ORLANDO	What were his marks?

ROSALIND	A lean cheek, which you have not, a blue eye and
	sunken, which you have not, an unquestionable
	spirit, which you have not, a beard neglected,
	which you have not; but I pardon you for that, for
	simply your having in beard is a younger brother's
	revenue: then your hose should be ungartered, your
	bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe
	untied and every thing about you demonstrating a
	careless desolation; but you are no such man; you
	are rather point-device in your accoutrements as
	loving yourself than seeming the lover of any other.

ORLANDO	Fair youth, I would I could make thee believe I love.

ROSALIND	Me believe it! you may as soon make her that you
	love believe it; which, I warrant, she is apter to
	do than to confess she does: that is one of the
	points in the which women still give the lie to
	their consciences. But, in good sooth, are you he
	that hangs the verses on the trees, wherein Rosalind
	is so admired?

ORLANDO	I swear to thee, youth, by the white hand of
	Rosalind, I am that he, that unfortunate he.

ROSALIND	But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak?

ORLANDO	Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.

ROSALIND	Love is merely a madness, and, I tell you, deserves
	as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do: and
	the reason why they are not so punished and cured
	is, that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers
	are in love too. Yet I profess curing it by counsel.

ORLANDO	Did you ever cure any so?

ROSALIND	Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me
	his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to
	woo me: at which time would I, being but a moonish
	youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing
	and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow,
	inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, for every
	passion something and for no passion truly any
	thing, as boys and women are for the most part
	cattle of this colour; would now like him, now loathe
	him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep
	for him, then spit at him; that I drave my suitor
	from his mad humour of love to a living humour of
	madness; which was, to forswear the full stream of
	the world, and to live in a nook merely monastic.
	And thus I cured him; and this way will I take upon
	me to wash your liver as clean as a sound sheep's
	heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in't.

ORLANDO	I would not be cured, youth.

ROSALIND	I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind
	and come every day to my cote and woo me.

ORLANDO	Now, by the faith of my love, I will: tell me
	where it is.

ROSALIND	Go with me to it and I'll show it you and by the way
	you shall tell me where in the forest you live.
	Will you go?

ORLANDO	With all my heart, good youth.

ROSALIND	Nay you must call me Rosalind. Come, sister, will you go?

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT III



SCENE III	The forest.


	[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind]

TOUCHSTONE	Come apace, good Audrey: I will fetch up your
	goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet?
	doth my simple feature content you?

AUDREY	Your features! Lord warrant us! what features!

TOUCHSTONE	I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most
	capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.

JAQUES	[Aside]  O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove
	in a thatched house!

TOUCHSTONE	When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a
	man's good wit seconded with the forward child
	Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a
	great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would
	the gods had made thee poetical.

AUDREY	I do not know what 'poetical' is: is it honest in
	deed and word? is it a true thing?

TOUCHSTONE	No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most
	feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what
	they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign.

AUDREY	Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?

TOUCHSTONE	I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art
	honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some
	hope thou didst feign.

AUDREY	Would you not have me honest?

TOUCHSTONE	No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured; for
	honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.

JAQUES	[Aside]  A material fool!

AUDREY	 Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods
	make me honest.

TOUCHSTONE	Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut
	were to put good meat into an unclean dish.

AUDREY	I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.

TOUCHSTONE	Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness!
	sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may
	be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been
	with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next
	village, who hath promised to meet me in this place
	of the forest and to couple us.

JAQUES	[Aside]  I would fain see this meeting.

AUDREY	Well, the gods give us joy!

TOUCHSTONE	Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart,
	stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple
	but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what
	though? Courage! As horns are odious, they are
	necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of
	his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and
	knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of
	his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns?
	Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer
	hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man
	therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more
	worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a
	married man more honourable than the bare brow of a
	bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no
	skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to
	want. Here comes Sir Oliver.

	[Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT]

	Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met: will you
	dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go
	with you to your chapel?

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT	Is there none here to give the woman?

TOUCHSTONE	I will not take her on gift of any man.

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT	Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.

JAQUES	[Advancing]

	Proceed, proceed	I'll give her.

TOUCHSTONE	Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you,
	sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your
	last company: I am very glad to see you: even a
	toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered.

JAQUES	Will you be married, motley?

TOUCHSTONE	As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and
	the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and
	as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.

JAQUES	And will you, being a man of your breeding, be
	married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to
	church, and have a good priest that can tell you
	what marriage is: this fellow will but join you
	together as they join wainscot; then one of you will
	prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp.

TOUCHSTONE	[Aside]  I am not in the mind but I were better to be
	married of him than of another: for he is not like
	to marry me well; and not being well married, it
	will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.

JAQUES	Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.

TOUCHSTONE	'Come, sweet Audrey:
	We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
	Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,--
	O sweet Oliver,
	O brave Oliver,
	Leave me not behind thee: but,--
	Wind away,
	Begone, I say,
	I will not to wedding with thee.

	[Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT	'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them
	all shall flout me out of my calling.

	[Exit]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT III



SCENE IV	The forest.


	[Enter ROSALIND and CELIA]

ROSALIND	Never talk to me; I will weep.

CELIA	Do, I prithee; but yet have the grace to consider
	that tears do not become a man.

ROSALIND	But have I not cause to weep?

CELIA	As good cause as one would desire; therefore weep.

ROSALIND	His very hair is of the dissembling colour.

CELIA	Something browner than Judas's marry, his kisses are
	Judas's own children.

ROSALIND	I' faith, his hair is of a good colour.

CELIA	An excellent colour: your chestnut was ever the only colour.

ROSALIND	And his kissing is as full of sanctity as the touch
	of holy bread.

CELIA	He hath bought a pair of cast lips of Diana: a nun
	of winter's sisterhood kisses not more religiously;
	the very ice of chastity is in them.

ROSALIND	But why did he swear he would come this morning, and
	comes not?

CELIA	Nay, certainly, there is no truth in him.

ROSALIND	Do you think so?

CELIA	Yes; I think he is not a pick-purse nor a
	horse-stealer, but for his verity in love, I do
	think him as concave as a covered goblet or a
	worm-eaten nut.

ROSALIND	Not true in love?

CELIA	Yes, when he is in; but I think he is not in.

ROSALIND	You have heard him swear downright he was.

CELIA	'Was' is not 'is:' besides, the oath of a lover is
	no stronger than the word of a tapster; they are
	both the confirmer of false reckonings. He attends
	here in the forest on the duke your father.

ROSALIND	I met the duke yesterday and had much question with
	him: he asked me of what parentage I was; I told
	him, of as good as he; so he laughed and let me go.
	But what talk we of fathers, when there is such a
	man as Orlando?

CELIA	O, that's a brave man! he writes brave verses,
	speaks brave words, swears brave oaths and breaks
	them bravely, quite traverse, athwart the heart of
	his lover; as a puisny tilter, that spurs his horse
	but on one side, breaks his staff like a noble
	goose: but all's brave that youth mounts and folly
	guides. Who comes here?

	[Enter CORIN]

CORIN	Mistress and master, you have oft inquired
	After the shepherd that complain'd of love,
	Who you saw sitting by me on the turf,
	Praising the proud disdainful shepherdess
	That was his mistress.

CELIA	Well, and what of him?

CORIN	If you will see a pageant truly play'd,
	Between the pale complexion of true love
	And the red glow of scorn and proud disdain,
	Go hence a little and I shall conduct you,
	If you will mark it.

ROSALIND	O, come, let us remove:
	The sight of lovers feedeth those in love.
	Bring us to this sight, and you shall say
	I'll prove a busy actor in their play.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT III



SCENE V	Another part of the forest.


	[Enter SILVIUS and PHEBE]

SILVIUS	Sweet Phebe, do not scorn me; do not, Phebe;
	Say that you love me not, but say not so
	In bitterness. The common executioner,
	Whose heart the accustom'd sight of death makes hard,
	Falls not the axe upon the humbled neck
	But first begs pardon: will you sterner be
	Than he that dies and lives by bloody drops?

	[Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and CORIN, behind]

PHEBE	I would not be thy executioner:
	I fly thee, for I would not injure thee.
	Thou tell'st me there is murder in mine eye:
	'Tis pretty, sure, and very probable,
	That eyes, that are the frail'st and softest things,
	Who shut their coward gates on atomies,
	Should be call'd tyrants, butchers, murderers!
	Now I do frown on thee with all my heart;
	And if mine eyes can wound, now let them kill thee:
	Now counterfeit to swoon; why now fall down;
	Or if thou canst not, O, for shame, for shame,
	Lie not, to say mine eyes are murderers!
	Now show the wound mine eye hath made in thee:
	Scratch thee but with a pin, and there remains
	Some scar of it; lean but upon a rush,
	The cicatrice and capable impressure
	Thy palm some moment keeps; but now mine eyes,
	Which I have darted at thee, hurt thee not,
	Nor, I am sure, there is no force in eyes
	That can do hurt.

SILVIUS	                  O dear Phebe,
	If ever,--as that ever may be near,--
	You meet in some fresh cheek the power of fancy,
	Then shall you know the wounds invisible
	That love's keen arrows make.

PHEBE	But till that time
	Come not thou near me: and when that time comes,
	Afflict me with thy mocks, pity me not;
	As till that time I shall not pity thee.

ROSALIND	And why, I pray you? Who might be your mother,
	That you insult, exult, and all at once,
	Over the wretched? What though you have no beauty,--
	As, by my faith, I see no more in you
	Than without candle may go dark to bed--
	Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?
	Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?
	I see no more in you than in the ordinary
	Of nature's sale-work. 'Od's my little life,
	I think she means to tangle my eyes too!
	No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it:
	'Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,
	Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,
	That can entame my spirits to your worship.
	You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,
	Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?
	You are a thousand times a properer man
	Than she a woman: 'tis such fools as you
	That makes the world full of ill-favour'd children:
	'Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her;
	And out of you she sees herself more proper
	Than any of her lineaments can show her.
	But, mistress, know yourself: down on your knees,
	And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love:
	For I must tell you friendly in your ear,
	Sell when you can: you are not for all markets:
	Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer:
	Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.
	So take her to thee, shepherd: fare you well.

PHEBE	Sweet youth, I pray you, chide a year together:
	I had rather hear you chide than this man woo.

ROSALIND	He's fallen in love with your foulness and she'll
	fall in love with my anger. If it be so, as fast as
	she answers thee with frowning looks, I'll sauce her
	with bitter words. Why look you so upon me?

PHEBE	For no ill will I bear you.

ROSALIND	I pray you, do not fall in love with me,
	For I am falser than vows made in wine:
	Besides, I like you not. If you will know my house,
	'Tis at the tuft of olives here hard by.
	Will you go, sister? Shepherd, ply her hard.
	Come, sister. Shepherdess, look on him better,
	And be not proud: though all the world could see,
	None could be so abused in sight as he.
	Come, to our flock.

	[Exeunt ROSALIND, CELIA and CORIN]

PHEBE	Dead Shepherd, now I find thy saw of might,
	'Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?'

SILVIUS	Sweet Phebe,--

PHEBE	                  Ha, what say'st thou, Silvius?

SILVIUS	Sweet Phebe, pity me.

PHEBE	Why, I am sorry for thee, gentle Silvius.

SILVIUS	Wherever sorrow is, relief would be:
	If you do sorrow at my grief in love,
	By giving love your sorrow and my grief
	Were both extermined.

PHEBE	Thou hast my love: is not that neighbourly?

SILVIUS	I would have you.

PHEBE	                  Why, that were covetousness.
	Silvius, the time was that I hated thee,
	And yet it is not that I bear thee love;
	But since that thou canst talk of love so well,
	Thy company, which erst was irksome to me,
	I will endure, and I'll employ thee too:
	But do not look for further recompense
	Than thine own gladness that thou art employ'd.

SILVIUS	So holy and so perfect is my love,
	And I in such a poverty of grace,
	That I shall think it a most plenteous crop
	To glean the broken ears after the man
	That the main harvest reaps: loose now and then
	A scatter'd smile, and that I'll live upon.

PHEBE	Know'st now the youth that spoke to me erewhile?

SILVIUS	Not very well, but I have met him oft;
	And he hath bought the cottage and the bounds
	That the old carlot once was master of.

PHEBE	Think not I love him, though I ask for him:
	'Tis but a peevish boy; yet he talks well;
	But what care I for words? yet words do well
	When he that speaks them pleases those that hear.
	It is a pretty youth: not very pretty:
	But, sure, he's proud, and yet his pride becomes him:
	He'll make a proper man: the best thing in him
	Is his complexion; and faster than his tongue
	Did make offence his eye did heal it up.
	He is not very tall; yet for his years he's tall:
	His leg is but so so; and yet 'tis well:
	There was a pretty redness in his lip,
	A little riper and more lusty red
	Than that mix'd in his cheek; 'twas just the difference
	Between the constant red and mingled damask.
	There be some women, Silvius, had they mark'd him
	In parcels as I did, would have gone near
	To fall in love with him; but, for my part,
	I love him not nor hate him not; and yet
	I have more cause to hate him than to love him:
	For what had he to do to chide at me?
	He said mine eyes were black and my hair black:
	And, now I am remember'd, scorn'd at me:
	I marvel why I answer'd not again:
	But that's all one; omittance is no quittance.
	I'll write to him a very taunting letter,
	And thou shalt bear it: wilt thou, Silvius?

SILVIUS	Phebe, with all my heart.

PHEBE	I'll write it straight;
	The matter's in my head and in my heart:
	I will be bitter with him and passing short.
	Go with me, Silvius.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT IV



SCENE I	The forest.


	[Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES]

JAQUES	I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted
	with thee.

ROSALIND	They say you are a melancholy fellow.

JAQUES	I am so; I do love it better than laughing.

ROSALIND	Those that are in extremity of either are abominable
	fellows and betray themselves to every modern
	censure worse than drunkards.

JAQUES	Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.

ROSALIND	Why then, 'tis good to be a post.

JAQUES	I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is
	emulation, nor the musician's, which is fantastical,
	nor the courtier's, which is proud, nor the
	soldier's, which is ambitious, nor the lawyer's,
	which is politic, nor the lady's, which is nice, nor
	the lover's, which is all these: but it is a
	melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples,
	extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry's
	contemplation of my travels, in which my often
	rumination wraps me m a most humorous sadness.

ROSALIND	A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to
	be sad: I fear you have sold your own lands to see
	other men's; then, to have seen much and to have
	nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands.

JAQUES	Yes, I have gained my experience.

ROSALIND	And your experience makes you sad: I had rather have
	a fool to make me merry than experience to make me
	sad; and to travel for it too!

	[Enter ORLANDO]

ORLANDO	Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind!

JAQUES	Nay, then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.

	[Exit]

ROSALIND	Farewell, Monsieur Traveller: look you lisp and
	wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your
	own country, be out of love with your nativity and
	almost chide God for making you that countenance you
	are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a
	gondola. Why, how now, Orlando! where have you been
	all this while? You a lover! An you serve me such
	another trick, never come in my sight more.

ORLANDO	My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.

ROSALIND	Break an hour's promise in love! He that will
	divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but
	a part of the thousandth part of a minute in the
	affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid
	hath clapped him o' the shoulder, but I'll warrant
	him heart-whole.

ORLANDO	Pardon me, dear Rosalind.

ROSALIND	Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight: I
	had as lief be wooed of a snail.

ORLANDO	Of a snail?

ROSALIND	Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, he
	carries his house on his head; a better jointure,
	I think, than you make a woman: besides he brings
	his destiny with him.

ORLANDO	What's that?

ROSALIND	Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be
	beholding to your wives for: but he comes armed in
	his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.

ORLANDO	Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is virtuous.

ROSALIND	And I am your Rosalind.

CELIA	It pleases him to call you so; but he hath a
	Rosalind of a better leer than you.

ROSALIND	Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday
	humour and like enough to consent. What would you
	say to me now, an I were your very very Rosalind?

ORLANDO	I would kiss before I spoke.

ROSALIND	Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were
	gravelled for lack of matter, you might take
	occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are
	out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking--God
	warn us!--matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.

ORLANDO	How if the kiss be denied?

ROSALIND	Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.

ORLANDO	Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?

ROSALIND	Marry, that should you, if I were your mistress, or
	I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.

ORLANDO	What, of my suit?

ROSALIND	Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit.
	Am not I your Rosalind?

ORLANDO	I take some joy to say you are, because I would be
	talking of her.

ROSALIND	Well in her person I say I will not have you.

ORLANDO	Then in mine own person I die.

ROSALIND	No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is
	almost six thousand years old, and in all this time
	there was not any man died in his own person,
	videlicit, in a love-cause. Troilus had his brains
	dashed out with a Grecian club; yet he did what he
	could to die before, and he is one of the patterns
	of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair
	year, though Hero had turned nun, if it had not been
	for a hot midsummer night; for, good youth, he went
	but forth to wash him in the Hellespont and being
	taken with the cramp was drowned and the foolish
	coroners of that age found it was 'Hero of Sestos.'
	But these are all lies: men have died from time to
	time and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

ORLANDO	I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind,
	for, I protest, her frown might kill me.

ROSALIND	By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come, now
	I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on
	disposition, and ask me what you will. I will grant
	it.

ORLANDO	Then love me, Rosalind.

ROSALIND	Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.

ORLANDO	And wilt thou have me?

ROSALIND	Ay, and twenty such.

ORLANDO	What sayest thou?

ROSALIND	Are you not good?

ORLANDO	I hope so.

ROSALIND	Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?
	Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us.
	Give me your hand, Orlando. What do you say, sister?

ORLANDO	Pray thee, marry us.

CELIA	I cannot say the words.

ROSALIND	You must begin, 'Will you, Orlando--'

CELIA	Go to. Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?

ORLANDO	I will.

ROSALIND	Ay, but when?

ORLANDO	Why now; as fast as she can marry us.

ROSALIND	Then you must say 'I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.'

ORLANDO	I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.

ROSALIND	I might ask you for your commission; but I do take
	thee, Orlando, for my husband: there's a girl goes
	before the priest; and certainly a woman's thought
	runs before her actions.

ORLANDO	So do all thoughts; they are winged.

ROSALIND	Now tell me how long you would have her after you
	have possessed her.

ORLANDO	For ever and a day.

ROSALIND	Say 'a day,' without the 'ever.' No, no, Orlando;
	men are April when they woo, December when they wed:
	maids are May when they are maids, but the sky
	changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous
	of thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen,
	more clamorous than a parrot against rain, more
	new-fangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires
	than a monkey: I will weep for nothing, like Diana
	in the fountain, and I will do that when you are
	disposed to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, and
	that when thou art inclined to sleep.

ORLANDO	But will my Rosalind do so?

ROSALIND	By my life, she will do as I do.

ORLANDO	O, but she is wise.

ROSALIND	Or else she could not have the wit to do this: the
	wiser, the waywarder: make the doors upon a woman's
	wit and it will out at the casement; shut that and
	'twill out at the key-hole; stop that, 'twill fly
	with the smoke out at the chimney.

ORLANDO	A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say
	'Wit, whither wilt?'

ROSALIND	Nay, you might keep that cheque for it till you met
	your wife's wit going to your neighbour's bed.

ORLANDO	And what wit could wit have to excuse that?

ROSALIND	Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall
	never take her without her answer, unless you take
	her without her tongue. O, that woman that cannot
	make her fault her husband's occasion, let her
	never nurse her child herself, for she will breed
	it like a fool!

ORLANDO	For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.

ROSALIND	Alas! dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.

ORLANDO	I must attend the duke at dinner: by two o'clock I
	will be with thee again.

ROSALIND	Ay, go your ways, go your ways; I knew what you
	would prove: my friends told me as much, and I
	thought no less: that flattering tongue of yours
	won me: 'tis but one cast away, and so, come,
	death! Two o'clock is your hour?

ORLANDO	Ay, sweet Rosalind.

ROSALIND	By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend
	me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous,
	if you break one jot of your promise or come one
	minute behind your hour, I will think you the most
	pathetical break-promise and the most hollow lover
	and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that
	may be chosen out of the gross band of the
	unfaithful: therefore beware my censure and keep
	your promise.

ORLANDO	With no less religion than if thou wert indeed my
	Rosalind: so adieu.

ROSALIND	Well, Time is the old justice that examines all such
	offenders, and let Time try: adieu.

	[Exit ORLANDO]

CELIA	You have simply misused our sex in your love-prate:
	we must have your doublet and hose plucked over your
	head, and show the world what the bird hath done to
	her own nest.

ROSALIND	O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou
	didst know how many fathom deep I am in love! But
	it cannot be sounded: my affection hath an unknown
	bottom, like the bay of Portugal.

CELIA	Or rather, bottomless, that as fast as you pour
	affection in, it runs out.

ROSALIND	No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot
	of thought, conceived of spleen and born of madness,
	that blind rascally boy that abuses every one's eyes
	because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I
	am in love. I'll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out
	of the sight of Orlando: I'll go find a shadow and
	sigh till he come.

CELIA	And I'll sleep.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT IV



SCENE II	The forest.


	[Enter JAQUES, Lords, and Foresters]

JAQUES	Which is he that killed the deer?

A Lord	Sir, it was I.

JAQUES	Let's present him to the duke, like a Roman
	conqueror; and it would do well to set the deer's
	horns upon his head, for a branch of victory. Have
	you no song, forester, for this purpose?

Forester	Yes, sir.

JAQUES	Sing it: 'tis no matter how it be in tune, so it
	make noise enough.
	
	SONG.
Forester	What shall he have that kill'd the deer?
	His leather skin and horns to wear.
	Then sing him home;

	[The rest shall bear this burden]

	Take thou no scorn to wear the horn;
	It was a crest ere thou wast born:
	Thy father's father wore it,
	And thy father bore it:
	The horn, the horn, the lusty horn
	Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT IV



SCENE III	The forest.


	[Enter ROSALIND and CELIA]

ROSALIND	How say you now? Is it not past two o'clock? and
	here much Orlando!

CELIA	I warrant you, with pure love and troubled brain, he
	hath ta'en his bow and arrows and is gone forth to
	sleep. Look, who comes here.

	[Enter SILVIUS]

SILVIUS	My errand is to you, fair youth;
	My gentle Phebe bid me give you this:
	I know not the contents; but, as I guess
	By the stern brow and waspish action
	Which she did use as she was writing of it,
	It bears an angry tenor: pardon me:
	I am but as a guiltless messenger.

ROSALIND	Patience herself would startle at this letter
	And play the swaggerer; bear this, bear all:
	She says I am not fair, that I lack manners;
	She calls me proud, and that she could not love me,
	Were man as rare as phoenix. 'Od's my will!
	Her love is not the hare that I do hunt:
	Why writes she so to me? Well, shepherd, well,
	This is a letter of your own device.

SILVIUS	No, I protest, I know not the contents:
	Phebe did write it.

ROSALIND	Come, come, you are a fool
	And turn'd into the extremity of love.
	I saw her hand: she has a leathern hand.
	A freestone-colour'd hand; I verily did think
	That her old gloves were on, but 'twas her hands:
	She has a huswife's hand; but that's no matter:
	I say she never did invent this letter;
	This is a man's invention and his hand.

SILVIUS	Sure, it is hers.

ROSALIND	Why, 'tis a boisterous and a cruel style.
	A style for-challengers; why, she defies me,
	Like Turk to Christian: women's gentle brain
	Could not drop forth such giant-rude invention
	Such Ethiope words, blacker in their effect
	Than in their countenance. Will you hear the letter?

SILVIUS	So please you, for I never heard it yet;
	Yet heard too much of Phebe's cruelty.

ROSALIND	She Phebes me: mark how the tyrant writes.

	[Reads]

	Art thou god to shepherd turn'd,
	That a maiden's heart hath burn'd?
	Can a woman rail thus?

SILVIUS	Call you this railing?

ROSALIND	[Reads]

	Why, thy godhead laid apart,
	Warr'st thou with a woman's heart?
	Did you ever hear such railing?
	Whiles the eye of man did woo me,
	That could do no vengeance to me.
	Meaning me a beast.
	If the scorn of your bright eyne
	Have power to raise such love in mine,
	Alack, in me what strange effect
	Would they work in mild aspect!
	Whiles you chid me, I did love;
	How then might your prayers move!
	He that brings this love to thee
	Little knows this love in me:
	And by him seal up thy mind;
	Whether that thy youth and kind
	Will the faithful offer take
	Of me and all that I can make;
	Or else by him my love deny,
	And then I'll study how to die.

SILVIUS	Call you this chiding?

CELIA	Alas, poor shepherd!

ROSALIND	Do you pity him? no, he deserves no pity. Wilt
	thou love such a woman? What, to make thee an
	instrument and play false strains upon thee! not to
	be endured! Well, go your way to her, for I see
	love hath made thee a tame snake, and say this to
	her: that if she love me, I charge her to love
	thee; if she will not, I will never have her unless
	thou entreat for her. If you be a true lover,
	hence, and not a word; for here comes more company.

	[Exit SILVIUS]

	[Enter OLIVER]

OLIVER	Good morrow, fair ones: pray you, if you know,
	Where in the purlieus of this forest stands
	A sheep-cote fenced about with olive trees?

CELIA	West of this place, down in the neighbour bottom:
	The rank of osiers by the murmuring stream
	Left on your right hand brings you to the place.
	But at this hour the house doth keep itself;
	There's none within.

OLIVER	If that an eye may profit by a tongue,
	Then should I know you by description;
	Such garments and such years: 'The boy is fair,
	Of female favour, and bestows himself
	Like a ripe sister: the woman low
	And browner than her brother.' Are not you
	The owner of the house I did inquire for?

CELIA	It is no boast, being ask'd, to say we are.

OLIVER	Orlando doth commend him to you both,
	And to that youth he calls his Rosalind
	He sends this bloody napkin. Are you he?

ROSALIND	I am: what must we understand by this?

OLIVER	Some of my shame; if you will know of me
	What man I am, and how, and why, and where
	This handkercher was stain'd.

CELIA	I pray you, tell it.

OLIVER	When last the young Orlando parted from you
	He left a promise to return again
	Within an hour, and pacing through the forest,
	Chewing the food of sweet and bitter fancy,
	Lo, what befell! he threw his eye aside,
	And mark what object did present itself:
	Under an oak, whose boughs were moss'd with age
	And high top bald with dry antiquity,
	A wretched ragged man, o'ergrown with hair,
	Lay sleeping on his back: about his neck
	A green and gilded snake had wreathed itself,
	Who with her head nimble in threats approach'd
	The opening of his mouth; but suddenly,
	Seeing Orlando, it unlink'd itself,
	And with indented glides did slip away
	Into a bush: under which bush's shade
	A lioness, with udders all drawn dry,
	Lay couching, head on ground, with catlike watch,
	When that the sleeping man should stir; for 'tis
	The royal disposition of that beast
	To prey on nothing that doth seem as dead:
	This seen, Orlando did approach the man
	And found it was his brother, his elder brother.

CELIA	O, I have heard him speak of that same brother;
	And he did render him the most unnatural
	That lived amongst men.

OLIVER	And well he might so do,
	For well I know he was unnatural.

ROSALIND	But, to Orlando: did he leave him there,
	Food to the suck'd and hungry lioness?

OLIVER	Twice did he turn his back and purposed so;
	But kindness, nobler ever than revenge,
	And nature, stronger than his just occasion,
	Made him give battle to the lioness,
	Who quickly fell before him: in which hurtling
	From miserable slumber I awaked.

CELIA	Are you his brother?

ROSALIND	Wast you he rescued?

CELIA	Was't you that did so oft contrive to kill him?

OLIVER	'Twas I; but 'tis not I	I do not shame
	To tell you what I was, since my conversion
	So sweetly tastes, being the thing I am.

ROSALIND	But, for the bloody napkin?

OLIVER	By and by.
	When from the first to last betwixt us two
	Tears our recountments had most kindly bathed,
	As how I came into that desert place:--
	In brief, he led me to the gentle duke,
	Who gave me fresh array and entertainment,
	Committing me unto my brother's love;
	Who led me instantly unto his cave,
	There stripp'd himself, and here upon his arm
	The lioness had torn some flesh away,
	Which all this while had bled; and now he fainted
	And cried, in fainting, upon Rosalind.
	Brief, I recover'd him, bound up his wound;
	And, after some small space, being strong at heart,
	He sent me hither, stranger as I am,
	To tell this story, that you might excuse
	His broken promise, and to give this napkin
	Dyed in his blood unto the shepherd youth
	That he in sport doth call his Rosalind.

	[ROSALIND swoons]

CELIA	Why, how now, Ganymede! sweet Ganymede!

OLIVER	Many will swoon when they do look on blood.

CELIA	There is more in it. Cousin Ganymede!

OLIVER	Look, he recovers.

ROSALIND	I would I were at home.

CELIA	We'll lead you thither.
	I pray you, will you take him by the arm?

OLIVER	Be of good cheer, youth: you a man! you lack a
	man's heart.

ROSALIND	I do so, I confess it. Ah, sirrah, a body would
	think this was well counterfeited! I pray you, tell
	your brother how well I counterfeited. Heigh-ho!

OLIVER	This was not counterfeit: there is too great
	testimony in your complexion that it was a passion
	of earnest.

ROSALIND	Counterfeit, I assure you.

OLIVER	Well then, take a good heart and counterfeit to be a man.

ROSALIND	So I do: but, i' faith, I should have been a woman by right.

CELIA	Come, you look paler and paler: pray you, draw
	homewards. Good sir, go with us.

OLIVER	That will I, for I must bear answer back
	How you excuse my brother, Rosalind.

ROSALIND	I shall devise something: but, I pray you, commend
	my counterfeiting to him. Will you go?

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT V



SCENE I	The forest.


	[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]

TOUCHSTONE	We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.

AUDREY	Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old
	gentleman's saying.

TOUCHSTONE	A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile
	Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the
	forest lays claim to you.

AUDREY	Ay, I know who 'tis; he hath no interest in me in
	the world: here comes the man you mean.

TOUCHSTONE	It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by my
	troth, we that have good wits have much to answer
	for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.

	[Enter WILLIAM]

WILLIAM	Good even, Audrey.

AUDREY	God ye good even, William.

WILLIAM	And good even to you, sir.

TOUCHSTONE	Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy
	head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?

WILLIAM	Five and twenty, sir.

TOUCHSTONE	A ripe age. Is thy name William?

WILLIAM	William, sir.

TOUCHSTONE	A fair name. Wast born i' the forest here?

WILLIAM	Ay, sir, I thank God.

TOUCHSTONE	'Thank God;' a good answer. Art rich?

WILLIAM	Faith, sir, so so.

TOUCHSTONE	'So so' is good, very good, very excellent good; and
	yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise?

WILLIAM	Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

TOUCHSTONE	Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying,
	'The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man
	knows himself to be a fool.' The heathen
	philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape,
	would open his lips when he put it into his mouth;
	meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and
	lips to open. You do love this maid?

WILLIAM	I do, sir.

TOUCHSTONE	Give me your hand. Art thou learned?

WILLIAM	No, sir.

TOUCHSTONE	Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it
	is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out
	of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty
	the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse
	is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.

WILLIAM	Which he, sir?

TOUCHSTONE	He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you
	clown, abandon,--which is in the vulgar leave,--the
	society,--which in the boorish is company,--of this
	female,--which in the common is woman; which
	together is, abandon the society of this female, or,
	clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better
	understanding, diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make
	thee away, translate thy life into death, thy
	liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with
	thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy
	with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with
	policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways:
	therefore tremble and depart.

AUDREY	Do, good William.

WILLIAM	God rest you merry, sir.

	[Exit]

	[Enter CORIN]

CORIN	Our master and mistress seeks you; come, away, away!

TOUCHSTONE	Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT V



SCENE II	The forest.


	[Enter ORLANDO and OLIVER]

ORLANDO	Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you
	should like her? that but seeing you should love
	her? and loving woo? and, wooing, she should
	grant? and will you persever to enjoy her?

OLIVER	Neither call the giddiness of it in question, the
	poverty of her, the small acquaintance, my sudden
	wooing, nor her sudden consenting; but say with me,
	I love Aliena; say with her that she loves me;
	consent with both that we may enjoy each other: it
	shall be to your good; for my father's house and all
	the revenue that was old Sir Rowland's will I
	estate upon you, and here live and die a shepherd.

ORLANDO	You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow:
	thither will I invite the duke and all's contented
	followers. Go you and prepare Aliena; for look
	you, here comes my Rosalind.

	[Enter ROSALIND]

ROSALIND	God save you, brother.

OLIVER	And you, fair sister.

	[Exit]

ROSALIND	O, my dear Orlando, how it grieves me to see thee
	wear thy heart in a scarf!

ORLANDO	It is my arm.

ROSALIND	I thought thy heart had been wounded with the claws
	of a lion.

ORLANDO	Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a lady.

ROSALIND	Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited to
	swoon when he showed me your handkerchief?

ORLANDO	Ay, and greater wonders than that.

ROSALIND	O, I know where you are: nay, 'tis true: there was
	never any thing so sudden but the fight of two rams
	and Caesar's thrasonical brag of 'I came, saw, and
	overcame:' for your brother and my sister no sooner
	met but they looked, no sooner looked but they
	loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner
	sighed but they asked one another the reason, no
	sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy;
	and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs
	to marriage which they will climb incontinent, or
	else be incontinent before marriage: they are in
	the very wrath of love and they will together; clubs
	cannot part them.

ORLANDO	They shall be married to-morrow, and I will bid the
	duke to the nuptial. But, O, how bitter a thing it
	is to look into happiness through another man's
	eyes! By so much the more shall I to-morrow be at
	the height of heart-heaviness, by how much I shall
	think my brother happy in having what he wishes for.

ROSALIND	Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for Rosalind?

ORLANDO	I can live no longer by thinking.

ROSALIND	I will weary you then no longer with idle talking.
	Know of me then, for now I speak to some purpose,
	that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit: I
	speak not this that you should bear a good opinion
	of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you are;
	neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in
	some little measure draw a belief from you, to do
	yourself good and not to grace me. Believe then, if
	you please, that I can do strange things: I have,
	since I was three year old, conversed with a
	magician, most profound in his art and yet not
	damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart
	as your gesture cries it out, when your brother
	marries Aliena, shall you marry her: I know into
	what straits of fortune she is driven; and it is
	not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient
	to you, to set her before your eyes tomorrow human
	as she is and without any danger.

ORLANDO	Speakest thou in sober meanings?

ROSALIND	By my life, I do; which I tender dearly, though I
	say I am a magician. Therefore, put you in your
	best array: bid your friends; for if you will be
	married to-morrow, you shall, and to Rosalind, if you will.

	[Enter SILVIUS and PHEBE]

	Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.

PHEBE	Youth, you have done me much ungentleness,
	To show the letter that I writ to you.

ROSALIND	I care not if I have: it is my study
	To seem despiteful and ungentle to you:
	You are there followed by a faithful shepherd;
	Look upon him, love him; he worships you.

PHEBE	Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.

SILVIUS	It is to be all made of sighs and tears;
	And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE	And I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO	And I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND	And I for no woman.

SILVIUS	It is to be all made of faith and service;
	And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE	And I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO	And I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND	And I for no woman.

SILVIUS	It is to be all made of fantasy,
	All made of passion and all made of wishes,
	All adoration, duty, and observance,
	All humbleness, all patience and impatience,
	All purity, all trial, all observance;
	And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE	And so am I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO	And so am I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND	And so am I for no woman.

PHEBE	If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

SILVIUS	If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

ORLANDO	If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

ROSALIND	Who do you speak to, 'Why blame you me to love you?'

ORLANDO	To her that is not here, nor doth not hear.

ROSALIND	Pray you, no more of this; 'tis like the howling
	of Irish wolves against the moon.

	[To SILVIUS]

	I will help you, if I can:

	[To PHEBE]

	I would love you, if I could. To-morrow meet me all together.

	[To PHEBE]

	I will marry you, if ever I marry woman, and I'll be
	married to-morrow:

	[To ORLANDO]

	I will satisfy you, if ever I satisfied man, and you
	shall be married to-morrow:

	[To SILVIUS]

	I will content you, if what pleases you contents
	you, and you shall be married to-morrow.

	[To ORLANDO]

	As you love Rosalind, meet:

	[To SILVIUS]

	as you love Phebe, meet: and as I love no woman,
	I'll meet. So fare you well: I have left you commands.

SILVIUS	I'll not fail, if I live.

PHEBE	Nor I.

ORLANDO	Nor I.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT V



SCENE III	The forest.


	[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]

TOUCHSTONE	To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey; to-morrow will
	we be married.

AUDREY	I do desire it with all my heart; and I hope it is
	no dishonest desire to desire to be a woman of the
	world. Here comes two of the banished duke's pages.

	[Enter two Pages]

First Page	Well met, honest gentleman.

TOUCHSTONE	By my troth, well met. Come, sit, sit, and a song.

Second Page	We are for you: sit i' the middle.

First Page	Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking or
	spitting or saying we are hoarse, which are the only
	prologues to a bad voice?

Second Page	I'faith, i'faith; and both in a tune, like two
	gipsies on a horse.
	
	SONG.
	It was a lover and his lass,
	With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
	That o'er the green corn-field did pass
	In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,
	When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:
	Sweet lovers love the spring.

	Between the acres of the rye,
	With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino
	These pretty country folks would lie,
	In spring time, &c.

	This carol they began that hour,
	With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
	How that a life was but a flower
	In spring time, &c.

	And therefore take the present time,
	With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino;
	For love is crowned with the prime
	In spring time, &c.

TOUCHSTONE	Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great
	matter in the ditty, yet the note was very
	untuneable.

First Page	You are deceived, sir: we kept time, we lost not our time.

TOUCHSTONE	By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear
	such a foolish song. God be wi' you; and God mend
	your voices! Come, Audrey.

	[Exeunt]




	AS YOU LIKE IT


ACT V



SCENE IV	The forest.


	[Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER,
	and CELIA]

DUKE SENIOR	Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
	Can do all this that he hath promised?

ORLANDO	I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
	As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

	[Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE]

ROSALIND	Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged:
	You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
	You will bestow her on Orlando here?

DUKE SENIOR	That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

ROSALIND	And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?

ORLANDO	That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

ROSALIND	You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?

PHEBE	That will I, should I die the hour after.

ROSALIND	But if you do refuse to marry me,
	You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

PHEBE	So is the bargain.

ROSALIND	You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will?

SILVIUS	Though to have her and death were both one thing.

ROSALIND	I have promised to make all this matter even.
	Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter;
	You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:
	Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
	Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
	Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
	If she refuse me: and from hence I go,
	To make these doubts all even.

	[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA]

DUKE SENIOR	I do remember in this shepherd boy
	Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.

ORLANDO	My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
	Methought he was a brother to your daughter:
	But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
	And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
	Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
	Whom he reports to be a great magician,
	Obscured in the circle of this forest.

	[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]

JAQUES	There is, sure, another flood toward, and these
	couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
	very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.

TOUCHSTONE	Salutation and greeting to you all!

JAQUES	Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the
	motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in
	the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.

TOUCHSTONE	If any man doubt that, let him put me to my
	purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered
	a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth
	with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have
	had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

JAQUES	And how was that ta'en up?

TOUCHSTONE	Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the
	seventh cause.

JAQUES	How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.

DUKE SENIOR	I like him very well.

TOUCHSTONE	God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I
	press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
	copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according as
	marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin,
	sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
	humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else
	will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a
	poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.

DUKE SENIOR	By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

TOUCHSTONE	According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

JAQUES	But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the
	quarrel on the seventh cause?

TOUCHSTONE	Upon a lie seven times removed:--bear your body more
	seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. I did dislike the
	cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word,
	if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the
	mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
	If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he
	would send me word, he cut it to please himself:
	this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it was
	not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is
	called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not
	well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this
	is called the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not
	well cut,' he would say I lied: this is called the
	Counter-cheque Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie
	Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.

JAQUES	And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

TOUCHSTONE	I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
	nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we
	measured swords and parted.

JAQUES	Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

TOUCHSTONE	O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have
	books for good manners: I will name you the degrees.
	The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the
	Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the
	fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
	Countercheque Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with
	Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All
	these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may
	avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven
	justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the
	parties were met themselves, one of them thought but
	of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so;' and
	they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the
	only peacemaker; much virtue in If.

JAQUES	Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as good at
	any thing and yet a fool.

DUKE SENIOR	He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and under
	the presentation of that he shoots his wit.

	[Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA]

	[Still Music]

HYMEN	        Then is there mirth in heaven,
	When earthly things made even
	Atone together.
	Good duke, receive thy daughter
	Hymen from heaven brought her,
	Yea, brought her hither,
	That thou mightst join her hand with his
	Whose heart within his bosom is.

ROSALIND	[To DUKE SENIOR]  To you I give myself, for I am yours.

	[To ORLANDO]

	To you I give myself, for I am yours.

DUKE SENIOR	If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

ORLANDO	If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

PHEBE	If sight and shape be true,
	Why then, my love adieu!

ROSALIND	I'll have no father, if you be not he:
	I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
	Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.

HYMEN	        Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
	'Tis I must make conclusion
	Of these most strange events:
	Here's eight that must take hands
	To join in Hymen's bands,
	If truth holds true contents.
	You and you no cross shall part:
	You and you are heart in heart
	You to his love must accord,
	Or have a woman to your lord:
	You and you are sure together,
	As the winter to foul weather.
	Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
	Feed yourselves with questioning;
	That reason wonder may diminish,
	How thus we met, and these things finish.
	
	SONG.
	Wedding is great Juno's crown:
	O blessed bond of board and bed!
	'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
	High wedlock then be honoured:
	Honour, high honour and renown,
	To Hymen, god of every town!

DUKE SENIOR	O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
	Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.

PHEBE	I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
	Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

	[Enter JAQUES DE BOYS]

JAQUES DE BOYS	Let me have audience for a word or two:
	I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
	That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
	Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
	Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
	Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
	In his own conduct, purposely to take
	His brother here and put him to the sword:
	And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;
	Where meeting with an old religious man,
	After some question with him, was converted
	Both from his enterprise and from the world,
	His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
	And all their lands restored to them again
	That were with him exiled. This to be true,
	I do engage my life.

DUKE SENIOR	Welcome, young man;
	Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
	To one his lands withheld, and to the other
	A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
	First, in this forest, let us do those ends
	That here were well begun and well begot:
	And after, every of this happy number
	That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
	Shall share the good of our returned fortune,
	According to the measure of their states.
	Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
	And fall into our rustic revelry.
	Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all,
	With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.

JAQUES	Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
	The duke hath put on a religious life
	And thrown into neglect the pompous court?

JAQUES DE BOYS	He hath.

JAQUES	To him will I : out of these convertites
	There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.

	[To DUKE SENIOR]

	You to your former honour I bequeath;
	Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:

	[To ORLANDO]

	You to a love that your true faith doth merit:

	[To OLIVER]

	You to your land and love and great allies:

	[To SILVIUS]

	You to a long and well-deserved bed:

	[To TOUCHSTONE]

	And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
	Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your pleasures:
	I am for other than for dancing measures.

DUKE SENIOR	Stay, Jaques, stay.

JAQUES	To see no pastime I	what you would have
	I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave.

	[Exit]

DUKE SENIOR	Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites,
	As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.

	[A dance]




	AS YOU LIKE IT

	EPILOGUE


ROSALIND	It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue;
	but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord
	the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs
	no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no
	epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes,
	and good plays prove the better by the help of good
	epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am
	neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with
	you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
	furnished like a beggar, therefore to beg will not
	become me: my way is to conjure you; and I'll begin
	with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love
	you bear to men, to like as much of this play as
	please you: and I charge you, O men, for the love
	you bear to women--as I perceive by your simpering,
	none of you hates them--that between you and the
	women the play may please. If I were a woman I
	would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased
	me, complexions that liked me and breaths that I
	defied not: and, I am sure, as many as have good
	beards or good faces or sweet breaths will, for my
	kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


ORSINO	Duke of Illyria. (DUKE ORSINO:)

SEBASTIAN	brother to Viola.

ANTONIO	a sea captain, friend to Sebastian.

	A Sea Captain, friend to Viola. (Captain:)


VALENTINE	|
	|  gentlemen attending on the Duke.
CURIO	|


SIR TOBY BELCH	uncle to Olivia.

SIR ANDREW
AGUECHEEK	(SIR ANDREW:)

MALVOLIO	steward to Olivia.


FABIAN		|
		|  servants to Olivia.
FESTE	a Clown  (Clown:)	|


OLIVIA:

VIOLA:

MARIA	Olivia's woman.

	Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians,
	and other Attendants.
	(Priest:)
	(First Officer:)
	(Second Officer:)
	(Servant:)


SCENE	A city in Illyria, and the sea-coast near it.




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT I



SCENE I	DUKE ORSINO's palace.


	[Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and other Lords;
	Musicians attending]

DUKE ORSINO	If music be the food of love, play on;
	Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
	The appetite may sicken, and so die.
	That strain again! it had a dying fall:
	O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,
	That breathes upon a bank of violets,
	Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
	'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
	O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou,
	That, notwithstanding thy capacity
	Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
	Of what validity and pitch soe'er,
	But falls into abatement and low price,
	Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy
	That it alone is high fantastical.

CURIO	Will you go hunt, my lord?

DUKE ORSINO	What, Curio?

CURIO	The hart.

DUKE ORSINO	        Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:
	O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
	Methought she purged the air of pestilence!
	That instant was I turn'd into a hart;
	And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
	E'er since pursue me.

	[Enter VALENTINE]

		How now! what news from her?

VALENTINE	So please my lord, I might not be admitted;
	But from her handmaid do return this answer:
	The element itself, till seven years' heat,
	Shall not behold her face at ample view;
	But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk
	And water once a day her chamber round
	With eye-offending brine: all this to season
	A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh
	And lasting in her sad remembrance.

DUKE ORSINO	O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame
	To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
	How will she love, when the rich golden shaft
	Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else
	That live in her; when liver, brain and heart,
	These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd
	Her sweet perfections with one self king!
	Away before me to sweet beds of flowers:
	Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT I



SCENE II	The sea-coast.


	[Enter VIOLA, a Captain, and Sailors]

VIOLA	What country, friends, is this?

Captain	This is Illyria, lady.

VIOLA	And what should I do in Illyria?
	My brother he is in Elysium.
	Perchance he is not drown'd: what think you, sailors?

Captain	It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

VIOLA	O my poor brother! and so perchance may he be.

Captain	True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,
	Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
	When you and those poor number saved with you
	Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
	Most provident in peril, bind himself,
	Courage and hope both teaching him the practise,
	To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;
	Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
	I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
	So long as I could see.

VIOLA	For saying so, there's gold:
	Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
	Whereto thy speech serves for authority,
	The like of him. Know'st thou this country?

Captain	Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born
	Not three hours' travel from this very place.

VIOLA	Who governs here?

Captain	A noble duke, in nature as in name.

VIOLA	What is the name?

Captain	Orsino.

VIOLA	Orsino! I have heard my father name him:
	He was a bachelor then.

Captain	And so is now, or was so very late;
	For but a month ago I went from hence,
	And then 'twas fresh in murmur,--as, you know,
	What great ones do the less will prattle of,--
	That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

VIOLA	What's she?

Captain	A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
	That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her
	In the protection of his son, her brother,
	Who shortly also died: for whose dear love,
	They say, she hath abjured the company
	And sight of men.

VIOLA	                  O that I served that lady
	And might not be delivered to the world,
	Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
	What my estate is!

Captain	That were hard to compass;
	Because she will admit no kind of suit,
	No, not the duke's.

VIOLA	There is a fair behavior in thee, captain;
	And though that nature with a beauteous wall
	Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
	I will believe thou hast a mind that suits
	With this thy fair and outward character.
	I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
	Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
	For such disguise as haply shall become
	The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:
	Thou shall present me as an eunuch to him:
	It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing
	And speak to him in many sorts of music
	That will allow me very worth his service.
	What else may hap to time I will commit;
	Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.

Captain	Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:
	When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

VIOLA	I thank thee: lead me on.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT I



SCENE III	OLIVIA'S house.


	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]

SIR TOBY BELCH	What a plague means my niece, to take the death of
	her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.

MARIA	By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'
	nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
	exceptions to your ill hours.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, let her except, before excepted.

MARIA	Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest
	limits of order.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
	these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be
	these boots too: an they be not, let them hang
	themselves in their own straps.

MARIA	That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard
	my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
	knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

MARIA	Ay, he.

SIR TOBY BELCH	He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

MARIA	What's that to the purpose?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

MARIA	Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:
	he's a very fool and a prodigal.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the
	viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages
	word for word without book, and hath all the good
	gifts of nature.

MARIA	He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that
	he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that
	he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he
	hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent
	he would quickly have the gift of a grave.

SIR TOBY BELCH	By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
	that say so of him. Who are they?

MARIA	They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

SIR TOBY BELCH	With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to
	her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
	drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill
	that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn
	o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
	Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

	[Enter SIR ANDREW]

SIR ANDREW	Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Sweet Sir Andrew!

SIR ANDREW	Bless you, fair shrew.

MARIA	And you too, sir.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

SIR ANDREW	What's that?

SIR TOBY BELCH	My niece's chambermaid.

SIR ANDREW	Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

MARIA	My name is Mary, sir.

SIR ANDREW	Good Mistress Mary Accost,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board
	her, woo her, assail her.

SIR ANDREW	By my troth, I would not undertake her in this
	company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?

MARIA	Fare you well, gentlemen.

SIR TOBY BELCH	An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst
	never draw sword again.

SIR ANDREW	An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
	draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have
	fools in hand?

MARIA	Sir, I have not you by the hand.

SIR ANDREW	Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.

MARIA	Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring
	your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.

SIR ANDREW	Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?

MARIA	It's dry, sir.

SIR ANDREW	Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
	keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?

MARIA	A dry jest, sir.

SIR ANDREW	Are you full of them?

MARIA	Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry,
	now I let go your hand, I am barren.

	[Exit]

SIR TOBY BELCH	O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
	see thee so put down?

SIR ANDREW	Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
	put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
	than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a
	great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.

SIR TOBY BELCH	No question.

SIR ANDREW	An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home
	to-morrow, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Pourquoi, my dear knight?

SIR ANDREW	What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had
	bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
	fencing, dancing and bear-baiting: O, had I but
	followed the arts!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

SIR ANDREW	Why, would that have mended my hair?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

SIR ANDREW	But it becomes me well enough, does't not?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I
	hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs
	and spin it off.

SIR ANDREW	Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece
	will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one
	she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.

SIR TOBY BELCH	She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above
	her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I
	have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't,
	man.

SIR ANDREW	I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
	strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
	and revels sometimes altogether.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

SIR ANDREW	As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
	degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare
	with an old man.

SIR TOBY BELCH	What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

SIR ANDREW	Faith, I can cut a caper.

SIR TOBY BELCH	And I can cut the mutton to't.

SIR ANDREW	And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
	as any man in Illyria.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have
	these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to
	take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost
	thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in
	a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
	so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
	dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in?
	I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
	leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.

SIR ANDREW	Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
	flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?

SIR TOBY BELCH	What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?

SIR ANDREW	Taurus! That's sides and heart.

SIR TOBY BELCH	No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the
	caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT I



SCENE IV	DUKE ORSINO's palace.


	[Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man's attire]

VALENTINE	If the duke continue these favours towards you,
	Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath
	known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

VIOLA	You either fear his humour or my negligence, that
	you call in question the continuance of his love:
	is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?

VALENTINE	No, believe me.

VIOLA	I thank you. Here comes the count.

	[Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and Attendants]

DUKE ORSINO	Who saw Cesario, ho?

VIOLA	On your attendance, my lord; here.

DUKE ORSINO	Stand you a while aloof, Cesario,
	Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd
	To thee the book even of my secret soul:
	Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;
	Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
	And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow
	Till thou have audience.

VIOLA	Sure, my noble lord,
	If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
	As it is spoke, she never will admit me.

DUKE ORSINO	Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds
	Rather than make unprofited return.

VIOLA	Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

DUKE ORSINO	O, then unfold the passion of my love,
	Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:
	It shall become thee well to act my woes;
	She will attend it better in thy youth
	Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.

VIOLA	I think not so, my lord.

DUKE ORSINO	Dear lad, believe it;
	For they shall yet belie thy happy years,
	That say thou art a man: Diana's lip
	Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe
	Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,
	And all is semblative a woman's part.
	I know thy constellation is right apt
	For this affair. Some four or five attend him;
	All, if you will; for I myself am best
	When least in company. Prosper well in this,
	And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,
	To call his fortunes thine.

VIOLA	I'll do my best
	To woo your lady:

	[Aside]

	yet, a barful strife!
	Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT I



SCENE V	OLIVIA'S house.


	[Enter MARIA and Clown]

MARIA	Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will
	not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in
	way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Clown	Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
	world needs to fear no colours.

MARIA	Make that good.

Clown	He shall see none to fear.

MARIA	A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that
	saying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'

Clown	Where, good Mistress Mary?

MARIA	In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.

Clown	Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
	that are fools, let them use their talents.

MARIA	Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent; or,
	to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

Clown	Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
	for turning away, let summer bear it out.

MARIA	You are resolute, then?

Clown	Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.

MARIA	That if one break, the other will hold; or, if both
	break, your gaskins fall.

Clown	Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
	Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
	piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

MARIA	Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my
	lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.

	[Exit]

Clown	Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
	Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
	prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may
	pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus?
	'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'

	[Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]

	God bless thee, lady!

OLIVIA	Take the fool away.

Clown	Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

OLIVIA	Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
	besides, you grow dishonest.

Clown	Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
	will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
	the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
	himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
	he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
	that's mended is but patched: virtue that
	transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
	amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
	simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
	what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
	calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
	away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

OLIVIA	Sir, I bade them take away you.

Clown	Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
	facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
	motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
	prove you a fool.

OLIVIA	Can you do it?

Clown	Dexterously, good madonna.

OLIVIA	Make your proof.

Clown	I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
	of virtue, answer me.

OLIVIA	Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.

Clown	Good madonna, why mournest thou?

OLIVIA	Good fool, for my brother's death.

Clown	I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

OLIVIA	I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

Clown	The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
	soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

OLIVIA	What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?

MALVOLIO	Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him:
	infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
	better fool.

Clown	God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
	better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
	sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
	word for two pence that you are no fool.

OLIVIA	How say you to that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO	I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
	barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day
	with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
	than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard
	already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to
	him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men,
	that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better
	than the fools' zanies.

OLIVIA	Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
	with a distempered appetite. To be generous,
	guiltless and of free disposition, is to take those
	things for bird-bolts that you deem cannon-bullets:
	there is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do
	nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet
	man, though he do nothing but reprove.

Clown	Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
	speakest well of fools!

	[Re-enter MARIA]

MARIA	Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much
	desires to speak with you.

OLIVIA	From the Count Orsino, is it?

MARIA	I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, and well attended.

OLIVIA	Who of my people hold him in delay?

MARIA	Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.

OLIVIA	Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but
	madman: fie on him!

	[Exit MARIA]

	Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I
	am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.

	[Exit MALVOLIO]

	Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and
	people dislike it.

Clown	Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
	son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with
	brains! for,--here he comes,--one of thy kin has a
	most weak pia mater.

	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH]

OLIVIA	By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?

SIR TOBY BELCH	A gentleman.

OLIVIA	A gentleman! what gentleman?

SIR TOBY BELCH	'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these
	pickle-herring! How now, sot!

Clown	Good Sir Toby!

OLIVIA	Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.

OLIVIA	Ay, marry, what is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give
	me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.

	[Exit]

OLIVIA	What's a drunken man like, fool?

Clown	Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
	draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
	him; and a third drowns him.

OLIVIA	Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my
	coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's
	drowned: go, look after him.

Clown	He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
	to the madman.

	[Exit]

	[Re-enter MALVOLIO]

MALVOLIO	Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with
	you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to
	understand so much, and therefore comes to speak
	with you. I told him you were asleep; he seems to
	have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore
	comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him,
	lady? he's fortified against any denial.

OLIVIA	Tell him he shall not speak with me.

MALVOLIO	Has been told so; and he says, he'll stand at your
	door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter to
	a bench, but he'll speak with you.

OLIVIA	What kind o' man is he?

MALVOLIO	Why, of mankind.

OLIVIA	What manner of man?

MALVOLIO	Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.

OLIVIA	Of what personage and years is he?

MALVOLIO	Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for
	a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a
	cooling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him
	in standing water, between boy and man. He is very
	well-favoured and he speaks very shrewishly; one
	would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.

OLIVIA	Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.

MALVOLIO	Gentlewoman, my lady calls.

	[Exit]

	[Re-enter MARIA]

OLIVIA	Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face.
	We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

	[Enter VIOLA, and Attendants]

VIOLA	The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

OLIVIA	Speak to me; I shall answer for her.
	Your will?

VIOLA	Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,--I
	pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house,
	for I never saw her: I would be loath to cast away
	my speech, for besides that it is excellently well
	penned, I have taken great pains to con it. Good
	beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very
	comptible, even to the least sinister usage.

OLIVIA	Whence came you, sir?

VIOLA	I can say little more than I have studied, and that
	question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give me
	modest assurance if you be the lady of the house,
	that I may proceed in my speech.

OLIVIA	Are you a comedian?

VIOLA	No, my profound heart: and yet, by the very fangs
	of malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are you
	the lady of the house?

OLIVIA	If I do not usurp myself, I am.

VIOLA	Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp
	yourself; for what is yours to bestow is not yours
	to reserve. But this is from my commission: I will
	on with my speech in your praise, and then show you
	the heart of my message.

OLIVIA	Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the praise.

VIOLA	Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.

OLIVIA	It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you,
	keep it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates,
	and allowed your approach rather to wonder at you
	than to hear you. If you be not mad, be gone; if
	you have reason, be brief: 'tis not that time of
	moon with me to make one in so skipping a dialogue.

MARIA	Will you hoist sail, sir? here lies your way.

VIOLA	No, good swabber; I am to hull here a little
	longer. Some mollification for your giant, sweet
	lady. Tell me your mind: I am a messenger.

OLIVIA	Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver, when
	the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.

VIOLA	It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture of
	war, no taxation of homage: I hold the olive in my
	hand; my words are as fun of peace as matter.

OLIVIA	Yet you began rudely. What are you? what would you?

VIOLA	The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I
	learned from my entertainment. What I am, and what I
	would, are as secret as maidenhead; to your ears,
	divinity, to any other's, profanation.

OLIVIA	Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.

	[Exeunt MARIA and Attendants]

	Now, sir, what is your text?

VIOLA	Most sweet lady,--

OLIVIA	A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it.
	Where lies your text?

VIOLA	In Orsino's bosom.

OLIVIA	In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?

VIOLA	To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.

OLIVIA	O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no more to say?

VIOLA	Good madam, let me see your face.

OLIVIA	Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate
	with my face? You are now out of your text: but
	we will draw the curtain and show you the picture.
	Look you, sir, such a one I was this present: is't
	not well done?

	[Unveiling]

VIOLA	Excellently done, if God did all.

OLIVIA	'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.

VIOLA	'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
	Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:
	Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,
	If you will lead these graces to the grave
	And leave the world no copy.

OLIVIA	O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give
	out divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be
	inventoried, and every particle and utensil
	labelled to my will: as, item, two lips,
	indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with lids to
	them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were
	you sent hither to praise me?

VIOLA	I see you what you are, you are too proud;
	But, if you were the devil, you are fair.
	My lord and master loves you: O, such love
	Could be but recompensed, though you were crown'd
	The nonpareil of beauty!

OLIVIA	How does he love me?

VIOLA	With adorations, fertile tears,
	With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

OLIVIA	Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:
	Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,
	Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;
	In voices well divulged, free, learn'd and valiant;
	And in dimension and the shape of nature
	A gracious person: but yet I cannot love him;
	He might have took his answer long ago.

VIOLA	If I did love you in my master's flame,
	With such a suffering, such a deadly life,
	In your denial I would find no sense;
	I would not understand it.

OLIVIA	Why, what would you?

VIOLA	Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
	And call upon my soul within the house;
	Write loyal cantons of contemned love
	And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
	Halloo your name to the reverberate hills
	And make the babbling gossip of the air
	Cry out 'Olivia!' O, You should not rest
	Between the elements of air and earth,
	But you should pity me!

OLIVIA	You might do much.
	What is your parentage?

VIOLA	Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
	I am a gentleman.

OLIVIA	                  Get you to your lord;
	I cannot love him: let him send no more;
	Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
	To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
	I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.

VIOLA	I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:
	My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
	Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;
	And let your fervor, like my master's, be
	Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.

	[Exit]

OLIVIA	'What is your parentage?'
	'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
	I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;
	Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions and spirit,
	Do give thee five-fold blazon: not too fast:
	soft, soft!
	Unless the master were the man. How now!
	Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
	Methinks I feel this youth's perfections
	With an invisible and subtle stealth
	To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
	What ho, Malvolio!

	[Re-enter MALVOLIO]

MALVOLIO	                  Here, madam, at your service.

OLIVIA	Run after that same peevish messenger,
	The county's man: he left this ring behind him,
	Would I or not: tell him I'll none of it.
	Desire him not to flatter with his lord,
	Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:
	If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,
	I'll give him reasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.

MALVOLIO	Madam, I will.

	[Exit]

OLIVIA	I do I know not what, and fear to find
	Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.
	Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do not owe;
	What is decreed must be, and be this so.

	[Exit]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT II



SCENE I	The sea-coast.


	[Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN]

ANTONIO	Will you stay no longer? nor will you not that I go with you?

SEBASTIAN	By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over
	me: the malignancy of my fate might perhaps
	distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your
	leave that I may bear my evils alone: it were a bad
	recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you.

ANTONIO: Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.

SEBASTIAN	No, sooth, sir: my determinate voyage is mere
	extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent a
	touch of modesty, that you will not extort from me
	what I am willing to keep in; therefore it charges
	me in manners the rather to express myself. You
	must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian,
	which I called Roderigo. My father was that
	Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard
	of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both
	born in an hour: if the heavens had been pleased,
	would we had so ended! but you, sir, altered that;
	for some hour before you took me from the breach of
	the sea was my sister drowned.

ANTONIO	Alas the day!

SEBASTIAN	A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
	me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but,
	though I could not with such estimable wonder
	overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly
	publish her; she bore a mind that envy could not but
	call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt
	water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more.

ANTONIO	Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.

SEBASTIAN	O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.

ANTONIO	If you will not murder me for my love, let me be
	your servant.

SEBASTIAN	If you will not undo what you have done, that is,
	kill him whom you have recovered, desire it not.
	Fare ye well at once: my bosom is full of kindness,
	and I am yet so near the manners of my mother, that
	upon the least occasion more mine eyes will tell
	tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.

	[Exit]

ANTONIO	The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!
	I have many enemies in Orsino's court,
	Else would I very shortly see thee there.
	But, come what may, I do adore thee so,
	That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.

	[Exit]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT II



SCENE II	A street.


	[Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following]

MALVOLIO	Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?

VIOLA	Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since
	arrived but hither.

MALVOLIO	She returns this ring to you, sir: you might have
	saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself.
	She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord
	into a desperate assurance she will none of him:
	and one thing more, that you be never so hardy to
	come again in his affairs, unless it be to report
	your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.

VIOLA	She took the ring of me: I'll none of it.

MALVOLIO	Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her
	will is, it should be so returned: if it be worth
	stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be
	it his that finds it.

	[Exit]

VIOLA	I left no ring with her: what means this lady?
	Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!
	She made good view of me; indeed, so much,
	That sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue,
	For she did speak in starts distractedly.
	She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion
	Invites me in this churlish messenger.
	None of my lord's ring! why, he sent her none.
	I am the man: if it be so, as 'tis,
	Poor lady, she were better love a dream.
	Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness,
	Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
	How easy is it for the proper-false
	In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!
	Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!
	For such as we are made of, such we be.
	How will this fadge? my master loves her dearly;
	And I, poor monster, fond as much on him;
	And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
	What will become of this? As I am man,
	My state is desperate for my master's love;
	As I am woman,--now alas the day!--
	What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
	O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
	It is too hard a knot for me to untie!

	[Exit]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT II



SCENE III	OLIVIA's house.


	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
	midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo
	surgere,' thou know'st,--

SIR ANDREW	Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
	late is to be up late.

SIR TOBY BELCH	A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
	To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is
	early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go
	to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the
	four elements?

SIR ANDREW	Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
	of eating and drinking.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
	Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!

	[Enter Clown]

SIR ANDREW	Here comes the fool, i' faith.

Clown	How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
	of 'we three'?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.

SIR ANDREW	By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
	had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
	and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
	sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
	night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
	Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas
	very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy
	leman: hadst it?

Clown	I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
	is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
	Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

SIR ANDREW	Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all
	is done. Now, a song.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.

SIR ANDREW	There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--

Clown	Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

SIR TOBY BELCH	A love-song, a love-song.

SIR ANDREW	Ay, ay: I care not for good life.

Clown	[Sings]

	O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
	O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
	That can sing both high and low:
	Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
	Journeys end in lovers meeting,
	Every wise man's son doth know.

SIR ANDREW	Excellent good, i' faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Good, good.

Clown	[Sings]

	What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
	Present mirth hath present laughter;
	What's to come is still unsure:
	In delay there lies no plenty;
	Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
	Youth's a stuff will not endure.

SIR ANDREW	A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

SIR TOBY BELCH	A contagious breath.

SIR ANDREW	Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH	To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
	But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we
	rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three
	souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?

SIR ANDREW	An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch.

Clown	By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

SIR ANDREW	Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'

Clown	'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
	constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.

SIR ANDREW	'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to
	call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'

Clown	I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

SIR ANDREW	Good, i' faith. Come, begin.

	[Catch sung]

	[Enter MARIA]

MARIA	What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady
	have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him
	turn you out of doors, never trust me.

SIR TOBY BELCH	My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's
	a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not
	I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
	Tillyvally. Lady!

	[Sings]

	'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'

Clown	Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.

SIR ANDREW	Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do
	I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it
	more natural.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[Sings]  'O, the twelfth day of December,'--

MARIA	For the love o' God, peace!

	[Enter MALVOLIO]

MALVOLIO	My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye
	no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like
	tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an
	alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your
	coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse
	of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor
	time in you?

SIR TOBY BELCH	We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

MALVOLIO	Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me
	tell you, that, though she harbours you as her
	kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If
	you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you
	are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please
	you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid
	you farewell.

SIR TOBY BELCH	'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'

MARIA	Nay, good Sir Toby.

Clown	'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

MALVOLIO	Is't even so?

SIR TOBY BELCH	'But I will never die.'

Clown	Sir Toby, there you lie.

MALVOLIO	This is much credit to you.

SIR TOBY BELCH	'Shall I bid him go?'

Clown	'What an if you do?'

SIR TOBY BELCH	'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'

Clown	'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'

SIR TOBY BELCH	Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a
	steward? Dost thou think, because thou art
	virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Clown	Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
	mouth too.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with
	crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

MALVOLIO	Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any
	thing more than contempt, you would not give means
	for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

	[Exit]

MARIA	Go shake your ears.

SIR ANDREW	'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's
	a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to
	break promise with him and make a fool of him.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll
	deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

MARIA	Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight: since the
	youth of the count's was today with thy lady, she is
	much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
	alone with him: if I do not gull him into a
	nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not
	think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed:
	I know I can do it.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.

MARIA	Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.

SIR ANDREW	O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!

SIR TOBY BELCH	What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason,
	dear knight?

SIR ANDREW	I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason
	good enough.

MARIA	The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing
	constantly, but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass,
	that cons state without book and utters it by great
	swarths: the best persuaded of himself, so
	crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is
	his grounds of faith that all that look on him love
	him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find
	notable cause to work.

SIR TOBY BELCH	What wilt thou do?

MARIA	I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
	love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape
	of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure
	of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find
	himself most feelingly personated. I can write very
	like my lady your niece: on a forgotten matter we
	can hardly make distinction of our hands.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Excellent! I smell a device.

SIR ANDREW	I have't in my nose too.

SIR TOBY BELCH	He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
	that they come from my niece, and that she's in
	love with him.

MARIA	My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.

SIR ANDREW	And your horse now would make him an ass.

MARIA	Ass, I doubt not.

SIR ANDREW	O, 'twill be admirable!

MARIA	Sport royal, I warrant you: I know my physic will
	work with him. I will plant you two, and let the
	fool make a third, where he shall find the letter:
	observe his construction of it. For this night, to
	bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.

	[Exit]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Good night, Penthesilea.

SIR ANDREW	Before me, she's a good wench.

SIR TOBY BELCH	She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me:
	what o' that?

SIR ANDREW	I was adored once too.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
	more money.

SIR ANDREW	If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i'
	the end, call me cut.

SIR ANDREW	If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late
	to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT II



SCENE IV	DUKE ORSINO's palace.


	[Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others]

DUKE ORSINO	Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.
	Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
	That old and antique song we heard last night:
	Methought it did relieve my passion much,
	More than light airs and recollected terms
	Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times:
	Come, but one verse.

CURIO	He is not here, so please your lordship that should sing it.

DUKE ORSINO	Who was it?

CURIO	Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady
	Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about the house.

DUKE ORSINO	Seek him out, and play the tune the while.

	[Exit CURIO. Music plays]

	Come hither, boy: if ever thou shalt love,
	In the sweet pangs of it remember me;
	For such as I am all true lovers are,
	Unstaid and skittish in all motions else,
	Save in the constant image of the creature
	That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?

VIOLA	It gives a very echo to the seat
	Where Love is throned.

DUKE ORSINO	Thou dost speak masterly:
	My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye
	Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves:
	Hath it not, boy?

VIOLA	                  A little, by your favour.

DUKE ORSINO	What kind of woman is't?

VIOLA	Of your complexion.

DUKE ORSINO	She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith?

VIOLA	About your years, my lord.

DUKE ORSINO	Too old by heaven: let still the woman take
	An elder than herself: so wears she to him,
	So sways she level in her husband's heart:
	For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
	Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
	More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,
	Than women's are.

VIOLA	                  I think it well, my lord.

DUKE ORSINO	Then let thy love be younger than thyself,
	Or thy affection cannot hold the bent;
	For women are as roses, whose fair flower
	Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.

VIOLA	And so they are: alas, that they are so;
	To die, even when they to perfection grow!

	[Re-enter CURIO and Clown]

DUKE ORSINO	O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.
	Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;
	The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
	And the free maids that weave their thread with bones
	Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,
	And dallies with the innocence of love,
	Like the old age.

Clown	Are you ready, sir?

DUKE ORSINO	Ay; prithee, sing.

	[Music]
	
	SONG.
Clown	Come away, come away, death,
	And in sad cypress let me be laid;
	Fly away, fly away breath;
	I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
	My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
	O, prepare it!
	My part of death, no one so true
	Did share it.
	Not a flower, not a flower sweet
	On my black coffin let there be strown;
	Not a friend, not a friend greet
	My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:
	A thousand thousand sighs to save,
	Lay me, O, where
	Sad true lover never find my grave,
	To weep there!

DUKE ORSINO	There's for thy pains.

Clown	No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.

DUKE ORSINO	I'll pay thy pleasure then.

Clown	Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.

DUKE ORSINO	Give me now leave to leave thee.

Clown	Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
	tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for
	thy mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
	constancy put to sea, that their business might be
	every thing and their intent every where; for that's
	it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

	[Exit]

DUKE ORSINO	Let all the rest give place.

	[CURIO and Attendants retire]

		       Once more, Cesario,
	Get thee to yond same sovereign cruelty:
	Tell her, my love, more noble than the world,
	Prizes not quantity of dirty lands;
	The parts that fortune hath bestow'd upon her,
	Tell her, I hold as giddily as fortune;
	But 'tis that miracle and queen of gems
	That nature pranks her in attracts my soul.

VIOLA	But if she cannot love you, sir?

DUKE ORSINO	I cannot be so answer'd.

VIOLA	Sooth, but you must.
	Say that some lady, as perhaps there is,
	Hath for your love a great a pang of heart
	As you have for Olivia: you cannot love her;
	You tell her so; must she not then be answer'd?

DUKE ORSINO	There is no woman's sides
	Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
	As love doth give my heart; no woman's heart
	So big, to hold so much; they lack retention
	Alas, their love may be call'd appetite,
	No motion of the liver, but the palate,
	That suffer surfeit, cloyment and revolt;
	But mine is all as hungry as the sea,
	And can digest as much: make no compare
	Between that love a woman can bear me
	And that I owe Olivia.

VIOLA	Ay, but I know--

DUKE ORSINO	What dost thou know?

VIOLA	Too well what love women to men may owe:
	In faith, they are as true of heart as we.
	My father had a daughter loved a man,
	As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,
	I should your lordship.

DUKE ORSINO	And what's her history?

VIOLA	A blank, my lord. She never told her love,
	But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud,
	Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought,
	And with a green and yellow melancholy
	She sat like patience on a monument,
	Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?
	We men may say more, swear more: but indeed
	Our shows are more than will; for still we prove
	Much in our vows, but little in our love.

DUKE ORSINO	But died thy sister of her love, my boy?

VIOLA	I am all the daughters of my father's house,
	And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.
	Sir, shall I to this lady?

DUKE ORSINO	Ay, that's the theme.
	To her in haste; give her this jewel; say,
	My love can give no place, bide no denay.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT II



SCENE V	OLIVIA's garden.


	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.

FABIAN	Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport,
	let me be boiled to death with melancholy.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
	rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?

FABIAN	I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out o'
	favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.

SIR TOBY BELCH	To anger him we'll have the bear again; and we will
	fool him black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW	An we do not, it is pity of our lives.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Here comes the little villain.

	[Enter MARIA]

	How now, my metal of India!

MARIA	Get ye all three into the box-tree: Malvolio's
	coming down this walk: he has been yonder i' the
	sun practising behavior to his own shadow this half
	hour: observe him, for the love of mockery; for I
	know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of
	him. Close, in the name of jesting! Lie thou there,

	[Throws down a letter]

	for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.

	[Exit]

	[Enter MALVOLIO]

MALVOLIO	'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
	me she did affect me: and I have heard herself come
	thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one
	of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a more
	exalted respect than any one else that follows her.
	What should I think on't?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Here's an overweening rogue!

FABIAN	O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock
	of him: how he jets under his advanced plumes!

SIR ANDREW	'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Peace, I say.

MALVOLIO	To be Count Malvolio!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Ah, rogue!

SIR ANDREW	Pistol him, pistol him.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Peace, peace!

MALVOLIO	There is example for't; the lady of the Strachy
	married the yeoman of the wardrobe.

SIR ANDREW	Fie on him, Jezebel!

FABIAN	O, peace! now he's deeply in: look how
	imagination blows him.

MALVOLIO	Having been three months married to her, sitting in
	my state,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!

MALVOLIO	Calling my officers about me, in my branched velvet
	gown; having come from a day-bed, where I have left
	Olivia sleeping,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	Fire and brimstone!

FABIAN	O, peace, peace!

MALVOLIO	And then to have the humour of state; and after a
	demure travel of regard, telling them I know my
	place as I would they should do theirs, to for my
	kinsman Toby,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	Bolts and shackles!

FABIAN	O peace, peace, peace! now, now.

MALVOLIO	Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make
	out for him: I frown the while; and perchance wind
	up watch, or play with my--some rich jewel. Toby
	approaches; courtesies there to me,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	Shall this fellow live?

FABIAN	Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace.

MALVOLIO	I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar
	smile with an austere regard of control,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?

MALVOLIO	Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on
	your niece give me this prerogative of speech,'--

SIR TOBY BELCH	What, what?

MALVOLIO	'You must amend your drunkenness.'

SIR TOBY BELCH	Out, scab!

FABIAN	Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.

MALVOLIO	'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with
	a foolish knight,'--

SIR ANDREW	That's me, I warrant you.

MALVOLIO	'One Sir Andrew,'--

SIR ANDREW	I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.

MALVOLIO	What employment have we here?

	[Taking up the letter]

FABIAN	Now is the woodcock near the gin.

SIR TOBY BELCH	O, peace! and the spirit of humour intimate reading
	aloud to him!

MALVOLIO	By my life, this is my lady's hand these be her
	very C's, her U's and her T's and thus makes she her
	great P's. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

SIR ANDREW	Her C's, her U's and her T's: why that?

MALVOLIO	[Reads]  'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good
	wishes:'--her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
	Soft! and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she
	uses to seal: 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?

FABIAN	This wins him, liver and all.

MALVOLIO	[Reads]

	Jove knows I love: But who?
	Lips, do not move;
	No man must know.
	'No man must know.' What follows? the numbers
	altered! 'No man must know:' if this should be
	thee, Malvolio?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Marry, hang thee, brock!

MALVOLIO	[Reads]
	I may command where I adore;
	But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
	With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
	M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.

FABIAN	A fustian riddle!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Excellent wench, say I.

MALVOLIO	'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let
	me see, let me see, let me see.

FABIAN	What dish o' poison has she dressed him!

SIR TOBY BELCH	And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!

MALVOLIO	'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command
	me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is
	evident to any formal capacity; there is no
	obstruction in this: and the end,--what should
	that alphabetical position portend? If I could make
	that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A,
	I,--

SIR TOBY BELCH	O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.

FABIAN	Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as
	rank as a fox.

MALVOLIO	M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.

FABIAN	Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is
	excellent at faults.

MALVOLIO	M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel;
	that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.

FABIAN	And O shall end, I hope.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!

MALVOLIO	And then I comes behind.

FABIAN	Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see
	more detraction at your heels than fortunes before
	you.

MALVOLIO	M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former: and
	yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for
	every one of these letters are in my name. Soft!
	here follows prose.

	[Reads]

	'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I
	am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some
	are born great, some achieve greatness, and some
	have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open
	their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them;
	and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be,
	cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be
	opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let
	thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into
	the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee
	that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy
	yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever
	cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art
	made, if thou desirest to be so; if not, let me see
	thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and
	not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell.
	She that would alter services with thee,
		         THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
	Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this is
	open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors,
	I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross
	acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man.
	I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade
	me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady
	loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of
	late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered;
	and in this she manifests herself to my love, and
	with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits
	of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will
	be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and
	cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting
	on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a
	postscript.

	[Reads]

	'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou
	entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
	thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my
	presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.'
	Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do
	everything that thou wilt have me.

	[Exit]

FABIAN	I will not give my part of this sport for a pension
	of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I could marry this wench for this device.

SIR ANDREW	So could I too.

SIR TOBY BELCH	And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

SIR ANDREW	Nor I neither.

FABIAN	Here comes my noble gull-catcher.

	[Re-enter MARIA]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?

SIR ANDREW	Or o' mine either?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Shall I play my freedom at traytrip, and become thy
	bond-slave?

SIR ANDREW	I' faith, or I either?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when
	the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

MARIA	Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.

MARIA	If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark
	his first approach before my lady: he will come to
	her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she
	abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
	and he will smile upon her, which will now be so
	unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a
	melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him
	into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow
	me.

SIR TOBY BELCH	To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!

SIR ANDREW	I'll make one too.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT III



SCENE I	OLIVIA's garden.


	[Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour]

VIOLA	Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
	thy tabour?

Clown	No, sir, I live by the church.

VIOLA	Art thou a churchman?

Clown	No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
	I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
	the church.

VIOLA	So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
	beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy
	tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.

Clown	You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
	but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
	wrong side may be turned outward!

VIOLA	Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with
	words may quickly make them wanton.

Clown	I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.

VIOLA	Why, man?

Clown	Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
	word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
	are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.

VIOLA	Thy reason, man?

Clown	Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
	words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
	reason with them.

VIOLA	I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.

Clown	Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
	conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
	to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

VIOLA	Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?

Clown	No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
	will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
	fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
	herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
	her fool, but her corrupter of words.

VIOLA	I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.

Clown	Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
	it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
	the fool should be as oft with your master as with
	my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

VIOLA	Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.
	Hold, there's expenses for thee.

Clown	Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

VIOLA	By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for
	one;

	[Aside]

	though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy
	lady within?

Clown	Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

VIOLA	Yes, being kept together and put to use.

Clown	I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
	a Cressida to this Troilus.

VIOLA	I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.

Clown	The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
	a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
	within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
	come; who you are and what you would are out of my
	welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.

	[Exit]

VIOLA	This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
	And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
	He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
	The quality of persons, and the time,
	And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather
	That comes before his eye. This is a practise
	As full of labour as a wise man's art
	For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
	But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.

	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Save you, gentleman.

VIOLA	And you, sir.

SIR ANDREW	Dieu vous garde, monsieur.

VIOLA	Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.

SIR ANDREW	I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
	you should enter, if your trade be to her.

VIOLA	I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
	list of my voyage.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.

VIOLA	My legs do better understand me, sir, than I
	understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

VIOLA	I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we
	are prevented.

	[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]

	Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
	odours on you!

SIR ANDREW	That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.

VIOLA	My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant
	and vouchsafed ear.

SIR ANDREW	'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
	all three all ready.

OLIVIA	Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.

	[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA]

	Give me your hand, sir.

VIOLA	My duty, madam, and most humble service.

OLIVIA	What is your name?

VIOLA	Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.

OLIVIA	My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world
	Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment:
	You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

VIOLA	And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
	Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA	For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
	Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!

VIOLA	Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
	On his behalf.

OLIVIA	                  O, by your leave, I pray you,
	I bade you never speak again of him:
	But, would you undertake another suit,
	I had rather hear you to solicit that
	Than music from the spheres.

VIOLA	Dear lady,--

OLIVIA	Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
	After the last enchantment you did here,
	A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
	Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:
	Under your hard construction must I sit,
	To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
	Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
	Have you not set mine honour at the stake
	And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
	That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
	Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
	Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

VIOLA	I pity you.

OLIVIA	          That's a degree to love.

VIOLA	No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof,
	That very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA	Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.
	O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
	If one should be a prey, how much the better
	To fall before the lion than the wolf!

	[Clock strikes]

	The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
	Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:
	And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
	Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
	There lies your way, due west.

VIOLA	Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition
	Attend your ladyship!
	You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

OLIVIA	Stay:
	I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.

VIOLA	That you do think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA	If I think so, I think the same of you.

VIOLA	Then think you right: I am not what I am.

OLIVIA	I would you were as I would have you be!

VIOLA	Would it be better, madam, than I am?
	I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

OLIVIA	O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
	In the contempt and anger of his lip!
	A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon
	Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon.
	Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
	By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,
	I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
	Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
	Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
	For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,
	But rather reason thus with reason fetter,
	Love sought is good, but given unsought better.

VIOLA	By innocence I swear, and by my youth
	I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
	And that no woman has; nor never none
	Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
	And so adieu, good madam: never more
	Will I my master's tears to you deplore.

OLIVIA	Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
	That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT III



SCENE II	OLIVIA's house.


	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]

SIR ANDREW	No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

FABIAN	You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

SIR ANDREW	Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the
	count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;
	I saw't i' the orchard.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.

SIR ANDREW	As plain as I see you now.

FABIAN	This was a great argument of love in her toward you.

SIR ANDREW	'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?

FABIAN	I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
	judgment and reason.

SIR TOBY BELCH	And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah
	was a sailor.

FABIAN	She did show favour to the youth in your sight only
	to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to
	put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
	You should then have accosted her; and with some
	excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should
	have banged the youth into dumbness. This was
	looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the
	double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash
	off, and you are now sailed into the north of my
	lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle
	on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by
	some laudable attempt either of valour or policy.

SIR ANDREW	An't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy
	I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a
	politician.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of
	valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight
	with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall
	take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no
	love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's
	commendation with woman than report of valour.

FABIAN	There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.

SIR ANDREW	Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;
	it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun
	of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink:
	if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be
	amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
	paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
	bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.
	Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
	write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.

SIR ANDREW	Where shall I find you?

SIR TOBY BELCH	We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.

	[Exit SIR ANDREW]

FABIAN	This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
	strong, or so.

FABIAN	We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll
	not deliver't?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the
	youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
	cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
	opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as
	will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of
	the anatomy.

FABIAN	And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no
	great presage of cruelty.

	[Enter MARIA]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

MARIA	If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourself
	into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is
	turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
	Christian, that means to be saved by believing
	rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages
	of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.

SIR TOBY BELCH	And cross-gartered?

MARIA	Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a school
	i' the church. I have dogged him, like his
	murderer. He does obey every point of the letter
	that I dropped to betray him: he does smile his
	face into more lines than is in the new map with the
	augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such
	a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things
	at him. I know my lady will strike him: if she do,
	he'll smile and take't for a great favour.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT III



SCENE III	A street.


	[Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO]

SEBASTIAN	I would not by my will have troubled you;
	But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,
	I will no further chide you.

ANTONIO	I could not stay behind you: my desire,
	More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth;
	And not all love to see you, though so much
	As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,
	But jealousy what might befall your travel,
	Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger,
	Unguided and unfriended, often prove
	Rough and unhospitable: my willing love,
	The rather by these arguments of fear,
	Set forth in your pursuit.

SEBASTIAN	My kind Antonio,
	I can no other answer make but thanks,
	And thanks; and ever [         ] oft good turns
	Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay:
	But, were my worth as is my conscience firm,
	You should find better dealing. What's to do?
	Shall we go see the reliques of this town?

ANTONIO	To-morrow, sir: best first go see your lodging.

SEBASTIAN	I am not weary, and 'tis long to night:
	I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes
	With the memorials and the things of fame
	That do renown this city.

ANTONIO	Would you'ld pardon me;
	I do not without danger walk these streets:
	Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst the count his galleys
	I did some service; of such note indeed,
	That were I ta'en here it would scarce be answer'd.

SEBASTIAN	Belike you slew great number of his people.

ANTONIO	The offence is not of such a bloody nature;
	Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel
	Might well have given us bloody argument.
	It might have since been answer'd in repaying
	What we took from them; which, for traffic's sake,
	Most of our city did: only myself stood out;
	For which, if I be lapsed in this place,
	I shall pay dear.

SEBASTIAN	                  Do not then walk too open.

ANTONIO	It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse.
	In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,
	Is best to lodge: I will bespeak our diet,
	Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge
	With viewing of the town: there shall you have me.

SEBASTIAN	Why I your purse?

ANTONIO	Haply your eye shall light upon some toy
	You have desire to purchase; and your store,
	I think, is not for idle markets, sir.

SEBASTIAN	I'll be your purse-bearer and leave you
	For an hour.

ANTONIO	To the Elephant.

SEBASTIAN	                  I do remember.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT III



SCENE IV	OLIVIA's garden.


	[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]

OLIVIA	I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
	How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
	For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
	I speak too loud.
	Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
	And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
	Where is Malvolio?

MARIA	He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He
	is, sure, possessed, madam.

OLIVIA	Why, what's the matter? does he rave?

MARIA	No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your
	ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if
	he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.

OLIVIA	Go call him hither.

	[Exit MARIA]

	I am as mad as he,
	If sad and merry madness equal be.

	[Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO]

	How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO	Sweet lady, ho, ho.

OLIVIA	Smilest thou?
	I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

MALVOLIO	Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
	obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
	what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
	with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
	please all.'

OLIVIA	Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?

MALVOLIO	Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
	did come to his hands, and commands shall be
	executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.

OLIVIA	Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO	To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.

OLIVIA	God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
	thy hand so oft?

MARIA	How do you, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO	At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.

MARIA	Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

MALVOLIO	'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.

OLIVIA	What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO	'Some are born great,'--

OLIVIA	Ha!

MALVOLIO	'Some achieve greatness,'--

OLIVIA	What sayest thou?

MALVOLIO	'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'

OLIVIA	Heaven restore thee!

MALVOLIO	'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--

OLIVIA	Thy yellow stockings!

MALVOLIO	'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'

OLIVIA	Cross-gartered!

MALVOLIO	'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--

OLIVIA	Am I made?

MALVOLIO	'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'

OLIVIA	Why, this is very midsummer madness.

	[Enter Servant]

Servant	Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
	returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he
	attends your ladyship's pleasure.

OLIVIA	I'll come to him.

	[Exit Servant]

	Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
	my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
	care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the
	half of my dowry.

	[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA]

MALVOLIO	O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than
	Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
	the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
	appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that
	in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
	'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;
	let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put
	thyself into the trick of singularity;' and
	consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad
	face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the
	habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have
	limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
	thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this
	fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor
	after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
	adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no
	scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
	or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing
	that can be can come between me and the full
	prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the
	doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

	[Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
	the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
	himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

FABIAN	Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
	how is't with you, man?

MALVOLIO	Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
	off.

MARIA	Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not
	I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
	care of him.

MALVOLIO	Ah, ha! does she so?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
	with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how
	is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:
	consider, he's an enemy to mankind.

MALVOLIO	Do you know what you say?

MARIA	La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
	it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!

FABIAN	Carry his water to the wise woman.

MARIA	Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I
	live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.

MALVOLIO	How now, mistress!

MARIA	O Lord!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do
	you not see you move him? let me alone with him.

FABIAN	No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
	rough, and will not be roughly used.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?

MALVOLIO	Sir!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for
	gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang
	him, foul collier!

MARIA	Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

MALVOLIO	My prayers, minx!

MARIA	No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

MALVOLIO	Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
	things: I am not of your element: you shall know
	more hereafter.

	[Exit]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Is't possible?

FABIAN	If this were played upon a stage now, I could
	condemn it as an improbable fiction.

SIR TOBY BELCH	His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

MARIA	Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.

FABIAN	Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

MARIA	The house will be the quieter.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
	niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we
	may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
	till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
	us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
	bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
	finder of madmen. But see, but see.

	[Enter SIR ANDREW]

FABIAN	More matter for a May morning.

SIR ANDREW	Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
	vinegar and pepper in't.

FABIAN	Is't so saucy?

SIR ANDREW	Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Give me.

	[Reads]

	'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'

FABIAN	Good, and valiant.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[Reads]  'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
	why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'

FABIAN	A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[Reads]  'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
	sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy
	throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'

FABIAN	Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[Reads]  'I will waylay thee going home; where if it
	be thy chance to kill me,'--

FABIAN	Good.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[Reads]  'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'

FABIAN	Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[Reads]  'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
	one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
	my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
	friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
		                  ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
	If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
	I'll give't him.

MARIA	You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
	some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
	orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
	him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
	it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
	swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
	more approbation than ever proof itself would have
	earned him. Away!

SIR ANDREW	Nay, let me alone for swearing.

	[Exit]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
	of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
	capacity and breeding; his employment between his
	lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
	letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
	terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
	clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
	word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
	of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
	youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
	opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
	This will so fright them both that they will kill
	one another by the look, like cockatrices.

	[Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA]

FABIAN	Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
	he take leave, and presently after him.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
	for a challenge.

	[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA]

OLIVIA	I have said too much unto a heart of stone
	And laid mine honour too unchary out:
	There's something in me that reproves my fault;
	But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
	That it but mocks reproof.

VIOLA	With the same 'havior that your passion bears
	Goes on my master's grief.

OLIVIA	Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
	Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
	And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
	What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
	That honour saved may upon asking give?

VIOLA	Nothing but this; your true love for my master.

OLIVIA	How with mine honour may I give him that
	Which I have given to you?

VIOLA	I will acquit you.

OLIVIA	Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
	A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

	[Exit]

	[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Gentleman, God save thee.

VIOLA	And you, sir.

SIR TOBY BELCH	That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
	nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
	not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
	the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
	dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
	thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

VIOLA	You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
	to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
	any image of offence done to any man.

SIR TOBY BELCH	You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
	if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
	your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
	youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.

VIOLA	I pray you, sir, what is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH	He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
	carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
	brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
	his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
	that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
	and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.

VIOLA	I will return again into the house and desire some
	conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
	of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
	others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
	of that quirk.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
	very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
	give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
	house, unless you undertake that with me which with
	as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
	or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
	must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

VIOLA	This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
	this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
	my offence to him is: it is something of my
	negligence, nothing of my purpose.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
	gentleman till my return.

	[Exit]

VIOLA	Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

FABIAN	I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
	mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.

VIOLA	I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

FABIAN	Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
	his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
	of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
	bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
	have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
	towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
	can.

VIOLA	I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that
	had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
	care not who knows so much of my mettle.

	[Exeunt]

	[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
	firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
	all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
	motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
	pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
	step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

SIR ANDREW	Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
	scarce hold him yonder.

SIR ANDREW	Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
	cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
	have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
	and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
	on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.

	[Aside]

	Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

	[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA]

	[To FABIAN]

	I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
	I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.

FABIAN	He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
	looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

SIR TOBY BELCH	[To VIOLA]  There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
	with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
	bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
	scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
	the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

VIOLA	[Aside]  Pray God defend me! A little thing would
	make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

FABIAN	Give ground, if you see him furious.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
	will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
	he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
	promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
	will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

SIR ANDREW	Pray God, he keep his oath!

VIOLA	I do assure you, 'tis against my will.

	[They draw]

	[Enter ANTONIO]

ANTONIO	Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
	Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
	If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY BELCH	You, sir! why, what are you?

ANTONIO	One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
	Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

	[They draw]

	[Enter Officers]

FABIAN	O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I'll be with you anon.

VIOLA	Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

SIR ANDREW	Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
	I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily
	and reins well.

First Officer	This is the man; do thy office.

Second Officer	Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

ANTONIO	You do mistake me, sir.

First Officer	No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
	Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
	Take him away: he knows I know him well.

ANTONIO	I must obey.

	[To VIOLA]

	This comes with seeking you:
	But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
	What will you do, now my necessity
	Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
	Much more for what I cannot do for you
	Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
	But be of comfort.

Second Officer	Come, sir, away.

ANTONIO	I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA	What money, sir?
	For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
	And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
	Out of my lean and low ability
	I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
	I'll make division of my present with you:
	Hold, there's half my coffer.

ANTONIO	Will you deny me now?
	Is't possible that my deserts to you
	Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
	Lest that it make me so unsound a man
	As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
	That I have done for you.

VIOLA	I know of none;
	Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
	I hate ingratitude more in a man
	Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
	Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
	Inhabits our frail blood.

ANTONIO	O heavens themselves!

Second Officer	Come, sir, I pray you, go.

ANTONIO	Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
	I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
	Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
	And to his image, which methought did promise
	Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

First Officer	What's that to us? The time goes by: away!

ANTONIO	But O how vile an idol proves this god
	Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
	In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
	None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
	Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
	Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.

First Officer	The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.

ANTONIO	Lead me on.

	[Exit with Officers]

VIOLA	Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
	That he believes himself: so do not I.
	Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
	That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
	whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

VIOLA	He named Sebastian: I my brother know
	Yet living in my glass; even such and so
	In favour was my brother, and he went
	Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
	For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
	Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

	[Exit]

SIR TOBY BELCH	A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
	a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
	friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
	his cowardship, ask Fabian.

FABIAN	A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

SIR ANDREW	'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

SIR ANDREW	An I do not,--

FABIAN	Come, let's see the event.

SIR TOBY BELCH	I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT IV



SCENE I	Before OLIVIA's house.


	[Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown]

Clown	Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

SEBASTIAN	Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
	Let me be clear of thee.

Clown	Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
	I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
	speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
	nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

SEBASTIAN	I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou
	know'st not me.

Clown	Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
	great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my
	folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world,
	will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy
	strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my
	lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN	I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me: There's
	money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give
	worse payment.

Clown	By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
	that give fools money get themselves a good
	report--after fourteen years' purchase.

	[Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN]

SIR ANDREW	Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.

SEBASTIAN	Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. Are all
	the people mad?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

Clown	This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
	in some of your coats for two pence.

	[Exit]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come on, sir; hold.

SIR ANDREW	Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work
	with him; I'll have an action of battery against
	him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I
	struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.

SEBASTIAN	Let go thy hand.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young
	soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

SEBASTIAN	I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If
	thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

SIR TOBY BELCH	What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two
	of this malapert blood from you.

	[Enter OLIVIA]

OLIVIA	Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!

SIR TOBY BELCH	Madam!

OLIVIA	Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
	Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
	Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight!
	Be not offended, dear Cesario.
	Rudesby, be gone!

	[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]

	I prithee, gentle friend,
	Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
	In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
	Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
	And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
	This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
	Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
	Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
	He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

SEBASTIAN	What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
	Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
	Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
	If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

OLIVIA	Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!

SEBASTIAN	Madam, I will.

OLIVIA	                  O, say so, and so be!

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT IV



SCENE II	OLIVIA's house.


	[Enter MARIA and Clown]

MARIA	Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
	make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do
	it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.

	[Exit]

Clown	Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
	in't; and I would I were the first that ever
	dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to
	become the function well, nor lean enough to be
	thought a good student; but to be said an honest man
	and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a
	careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]

SIR TOBY BELCH	Jove bless thee, master Parson.

Clown	Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
	Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily
	said to a niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;'
	so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for,
	what is 'that' but 'that,' and 'is' but 'is'?

SIR TOBY BELCH	To him, Sir Topas.

Clown	What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!

SIR TOBY BELCH	The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.

MALVOLIO	[Within]  Who calls there?

Clown	Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
	the lunatic.

MALVOLIO	Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

Clown	Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
	talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

SIR TOBY BELCH	Well said, Master Parson.

MALVOLIO	Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir
	Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me
	here in hideous darkness.

Clown	Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
	modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones
	that will use the devil himself with courtesy:
	sayest thou that house is dark?

MALVOLIO	As hell, Sir Topas.

Clown	Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
	and the clearstores toward the south north are as
	lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of
	obstruction?

MALVOLIO	I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.

Clown	Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
	but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than
	the Egyptians in their fog.

MALVOLIO	I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
	ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there
	was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you
	are: make the trial of it in any constant question.

Clown	What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?

MALVOLIO	That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

Clown	What thinkest thou of his opinion?

MALVOLIO	I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

Clown	Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
	thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
	allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest
	thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

MALVOLIO	Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

SIR TOBY BELCH	My most exquisite Sir Topas!

Clown	Nay, I am for all waters.

MARIA	Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and
	gown: he sees thee not.

SIR TOBY BELCH	To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how
	thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this
	knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I
	would he were, for I am now so far in offence with
	my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this
	sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

	[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]

Clown	[Singing]

	'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
	Tell me how thy lady does.'

MALVOLIO	Fool!

Clown	'My lady is unkind, perdy.'

MALVOLIO	Fool!

Clown	'Alas, why is she so?'

MALVOLIO	Fool, I say!

Clown	'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?

MALVOLIO	Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
	hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper:
	as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to
	thee for't.

Clown	Master Malvolio?

MALVOLIO	Ay, good fool.

Clown	Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

MALVOLIO	Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I
	am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

Clown	But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
	better in your wits than a fool.

MALVOLIO	They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
	send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
	face me out of my wits.

Clown	Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
	Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore!
	endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain
	bibble babble.

MALVOLIO	Sir Topas!

Clown	Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I,
	sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas.
	Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will.

MALVOLIO	Fool, fool, fool, I say!

Clown	Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am
	shent for speaking to you.

MALVOLIO	Good fool, help me to some light and some paper: I
	tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

Clown	Well-a-day that you were, sir

MALVOLIO	By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and
	light; and convey what I will set down to my lady:
	it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing
	of letter did.

Clown	I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
	not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

MALVOLIO	Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.

Clown	Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
	brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

MALVOLIO	Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
	prithee, be gone.

Clown	[Singing]

	I am gone, sir,
	And anon, sir,
	I'll be with you again,
	In a trice,
	Like to the old Vice,
	Your need to sustain;
	Who, with dagger of lath,
	In his rage and his wrath,
	Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
	Like a mad lad,
	Pare thy nails, dad;
	Adieu, good man devil.

	[Exit]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT IV



SCENE III	OLIVIA's garden.


	[Enter SEBASTIAN]

SEBASTIAN	This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
	This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;
	And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
	Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?
	I could not find him at the Elephant:
	Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
	That he did range the town to seek me out.
	His counsel now might do me golden service;
	For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
	That this may be some error, but no madness,
	Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
	So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
	That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
	And wrangle with my reason that persuades me
	To any other trust but that I am mad
	Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,
	She could not sway her house, command her followers,
	Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
	With such a smooth, discreet and stable bearing
	As I perceive she does: there's something in't
	That is deceiveable. But here the lady comes.

	[Enter OLIVIA and Priest]

OLIVIA	Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
	Now go with me and with this holy man
	Into the chantry by: there, before him,
	And underneath that consecrated roof,
	Plight me the full assurance of your faith;
	That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
	May live at peace. He shall conceal it
	Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
	What time we will our celebration keep
	According to my birth. What do you say?

SEBASTIAN	I'll follow this good man, and go with you;
	And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.

OLIVIA	Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,
	That they may fairly note this act of mine!

	[Exeunt]




	TWELFTH NIGHT


ACT V



SCENE I	Before OLIVIA's house.


	[Enter Clown and FABIAN]

FABIAN	Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.

Clown	Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

FABIAN	Any thing.

Clown	Do not desire to see this letter.

FABIAN	This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my
	dog again.

	[Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and Lords]

DUKE ORSINO	Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

Clown	Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

DUKE ORSINO	I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

Clown	Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
	for my friends.

DUKE ORSINO	Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.

Clown	No, sir, the worse.

DUKE ORSINO	How can that be?

Clown	Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
	now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
	my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
	and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
	conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
	make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
	my friends and the better for my foes.

DUKE ORSINO	Why, this is excellent.

Clown	By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
	one of my friends.

DUKE ORSINO	Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

Clown	But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
	you could make it another.

DUKE ORSINO	O, you give me ill counsel.

Clown	Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
	and let your flesh and blood obey it.

DUKE ORSINO	Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a
	double-dealer: there's another.

Clown	Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
	saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
	sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
	Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

DUKE ORSINO	You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:
	if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
	with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake
	my bounty further.

Clown	Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
	again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
	that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
	but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
	will awake it anon.

	[Exit]

VIOLA	Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

	[Enter ANTONIO and Officers]

DUKE ORSINO	That face of his I do remember well;
	Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
	As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:
	A bawbling vessel was he captain of,
	For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;
	With which such scathful grapple did he make
	With the most noble bottom of our fleet,
	That very envy and the tongue of loss
	Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?

First Officer	Orsino, this is that Antonio
	That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy;
	And this is he that did the Tiger board,
	When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
	Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
	In private brabble did we apprehend him.

VIOLA	He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;
	But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:
	I know not what 'twas but distraction.

DUKE ORSINO	Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!
	What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,
	Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
	Hast made thine enemies?

ANTONIO	Orsino, noble sir,
	Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:
	Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
	Though I confess, on base and ground enough,
	Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
	That most ingrateful boy there by your side,
	From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
	Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:
	His life I gave him and did thereto add
	My love, without retention or restraint,
	All his in dedication; for his sake
	Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
	Into the danger of this adverse town;
	Drew to defend him when he was beset:
	Where being apprehended, his false cunning,
	Not meaning to partake with me in danger,
	Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
	And grew a twenty years removed thing
	While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,
	Which I had recommended to his use
	Not half an hour before.

VIOLA	How can this be?

DUKE ORSINO	When came he to this town?

ANTONIO	To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
	No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
	Both day and night did we keep company.

	[Enter OLIVIA and Attendants]

DUKE ORSINO	Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
	But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
	Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
	But more of that anon. Take him aside.

OLIVIA	What would my lord, but that he may not have,
	Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
	Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

VIOLA	Madam!

DUKE ORSINO	Gracious Olivia,--

OLIVIA	What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

VIOLA	My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

OLIVIA	If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
	It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
	As howling after music.

DUKE ORSINO	Still so cruel?

OLIVIA	Still so constant, lord.

DUKE ORSINO	What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,
	To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
	My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out
	That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?

OLIVIA	Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.

DUKE ORSINO	Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
	Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
	Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy
	That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this:
	Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
	And that I partly know the instrument
	That screws me from my true place in your favour,
	Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;
	But this your minion, whom I know you love,
	And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,
	Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,
	Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.
	Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief:
	I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
	To spite a raven's heart within a dove.

VIOLA	And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,
	To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.

OLIVIA	Where goes Cesario?

VIOLA	After him I love
	More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
	More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.
	If I do feign, you witnesses above
	Punish my life for tainting of my love!

OLIVIA	Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

VIOLA	Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

OLIVIA	Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
	Call forth the holy father.

DUKE ORSINO	Come, away!

OLIVIA	Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

DUKE ORSINO	Husband!

OLIVIA	       Ay, husband: can he that deny?

DUKE ORSINO	Her husband, sirrah!

VIOLA	No, my lord, not I.

OLIVIA	Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
	That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
	Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;
	Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
	As great as that thou fear'st.

	[Enter Priest]

		         O, welcome, father!
	Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
	Here to unfold, though lately we intended
	To keep in darkness what occasion now
	Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know
	Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.

Priest	A contract of eternal bond of love,
	Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
	Attested by the holy close of lips,
	Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
	And all the ceremony of this compact
	Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
	Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave
	I have travell'd but two hours.

DUKE ORSINO	O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
	When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
	Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
	That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
	Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
	Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

VIOLA	My lord, I do protest--

OLIVIA	O, do not swear!
	Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

	[Enter SIR ANDREW]

SIR ANDREW	For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
	to Sir Toby.

OLIVIA	What's the matter?

SIR ANDREW	He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
	a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
	help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.

OLIVIA	Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW	The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
	a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.

DUKE ORSINO	My gentleman, Cesario?

SIR ANDREW	'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
	nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
	by Sir Toby.

VIOLA	Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
	You drew your sword upon me without cause;
	But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

SIR ANDREW	If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I
	think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

	[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown]

	Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more:
	but if he had not been in drink, he would have
	tickled you othergates than he did.

DUKE ORSINO	How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

SIR TOBY BELCH	That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end
	on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

Clown	O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
	were set at eight i' the morning.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I
	hate a drunken rogue.

OLIVIA	Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

SIR ANDREW	I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.

SIR TOBY BELCH	Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a
	knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!

OLIVIA	Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

	[Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]

	[Enter SEBASTIAN]

SEBASTIAN	I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
	But, had it been the brother of my blood,
	I must have done no less with wit and safety.
	You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
	I do perceive it hath offended you:
	Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
	We made each other but so late ago.

DUKE ORSINO	One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
	A natural perspective, that is and is not!

SEBASTIAN	Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
	How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
	Since I have lost thee!

ANTONIO	Sebastian are you?

SEBASTIAN	                  Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

ANTONIO	How have you made division of yourself?
	An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
	Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA	Most wonderful!

SEBASTIAN	Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
	Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
	Of here and every where. I had a sister,
	Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
	Of charity, what kin are you to me?
	What countryman? what name? what parentage?

VIOLA	Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
	Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
	So went he suited to his watery tomb:
	If spirits can assume both form and suit
	You come to fright us.

SEBASTIAN	A spirit I am indeed;
	But am in that dimension grossly clad
	Which from the womb I did participate.
	Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
	I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
	And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'

VIOLA	My father had a mole upon his brow.

SEBASTIAN	And so had mine.

VIOLA	And died that day when Viola from her birth
	Had number'd thirteen years.

SEBASTIAN	O, that record is lively in my soul!
	He finished indeed his mortal act
	That day that made my sister thirteen years.

VIOLA	If nothing lets to make us happy both
	But this my masculine usurp'd attire,
	Do not embrace me till each circumstance
	Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
	That I am Viola: which to confirm,
	I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
	Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
	I was preserved to serve this noble count.
	All the occurrence of my fortune since
	Hath been between this lady and this lord.

SEBASTIAN	[To OLIVIA]  So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
	But nature to her bias drew in that.
	You would have been contracted to a maid;
	Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
	You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.

DUKE ORSINO	Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
	If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
	I shall have share in this most happy wreck.

	[To VIOLA]

	Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
	Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

VIOLA	And all those sayings will I overswear;
	And those swearings keep as true in soul
	As doth that orbed continent the fire
	That severs day from night.

DUKE ORSINO	Give me thy hand;
	And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

VIOLA	The captain that did bring me first on shore
	Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action
	Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,
	A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.

OLIVIA	He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
	And yet, alas, now I remember me,
	They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.

	[Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN]

	A most extracting frenzy of mine own
	From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
	How does he, sirrah?

Clown	Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
	well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
	letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
	morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
	so it skills not much when they are delivered.

OLIVIA	Open't, and read it.

Clown	Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
	the madman.

	[Reads]

	'By the Lord, madam,'--

OLIVIA	How now! art thou mad?

Clown	No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
	will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

OLIVIA	Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

Clown	So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
	read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

OLIVIA	Read it you, sirrah.

	[To FABIAN]

FABIAN	[Reads]  'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the
	world shall know it: though you have put me into
	darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over
	me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as
	your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced
	me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt
	not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
	Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little
	unthought of and speak out of my injury.
		         THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'

OLIVIA	Did he write this?

Clown	Ay, madam.

DUKE ORSINO	This savours not much of distraction.

OLIVIA	See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither.

	[Exit FABIAN]

	My lord so please you, these things further
	thought on,
	To think me as well a sister as a wife,
	One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,
	Here at my house and at my proper cost.

DUKE ORSINO	Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.

	[To VIOLA]

	Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
	So much against the mettle of your sex,
	So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
	And since you call'd me master for so long,
	Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
	Your master's mistress.

OLIVIA	A sister! you are she.

	[Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO]

DUKE ORSINO	Is this the madman?

OLIVIA	Ay, my lord, this same.
	How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO	                  Madam, you have done me wrong,
	Notorious wrong.

OLIVIA	                  Have I, Malvolio? no.

MALVOLIO	Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
	You must not now deny it is your hand:
	Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
	Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:
	You can say none of this: well, grant it then
	And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
	Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,
	Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,
	To put on yellow stockings and to frown
	Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
	And, acting this in an obedient hope,
	Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
	Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
	And made the most notorious geck and gull
	That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.

OLIVIA	Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
	Though, I confess, much like the character
	But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
	And now I do bethink me, it was she
	First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,
	And in such forms which here were presupposed
	Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
	This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;
	But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
	Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
	Of thine own cause.

FABIAN	Good madam, hear me speak,
	And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
	Taint the condition of this present hour,
	Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,
	Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
	Set this device against Malvolio here,
	Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
	We had conceived against him: Maria writ
	The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;
	In recompense whereof he hath married her.
	How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,
	May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
	If that the injuries be justly weigh'd
	That have on both sides pass'd.

OLIVIA	Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

Clown	Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
	and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
	one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
	that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
	But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
	a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
	and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

MALVOLIO	I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

	[Exit]

OLIVIA	He hath been most notoriously abused.

DUKE ORSINO	Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
	He hath not told us of the captain yet:
	When that is known and golden time convents,
	A solemn combination shall be made
	Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
	We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
	For so you shall be, while you are a man;
	But when in other habits you are seen,
	Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

	[Exeunt all, except Clown]

Clown	[Sings]

	When that I was and a little tiny boy,
	With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
	A foolish thing was but a toy,
	For the rain it raineth every day.

	But when I came to man's estate,
	With hey, ho, &c.
	'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
	For the rain, &c.

	But when I came, alas! to wive,
	With hey, ho, &c.
	By swaggering could I never thrive,
	For the rain, &c.

	But when I came unto my beds,
	With hey, ho, &c.
	With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
	For the rain, &c.

	A great while ago the world begun,
	With hey, ho, &c.
	But that's all one, our play is done,
	And we'll strive to please you every day.

	[Exit]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


	DRAMATIS PERSONAE


PRIAM	king of Troy.


HECTOR	|
	|
TROILUS	|
	|
PARIS	|  his sons.
	|
DEIPHOBUS	|
	|
HELENUS	|


MARGARELON	a bastard son of Priam.


AENEAS	|
	|  Trojan commanders.
ANTENOR	|


CALCHAS	a Trojan priest, taking part with the Greeks.

PANDARUS	uncle to Cressida.

AGAMEMNON	the Grecian general.

MENELAUS	his brother.


ACHILLES	|
	|
AJAX	|
	|
ULYSSES	|
	|  Grecian princes.
NESTOR	|
	|
DIOMEDES	|
	|
PATROCLUS	|


THERSITES	a deformed and scurrilous Grecian.

ALEXANDER	servant to Cressida.

	Servant to Troilus. (Boy:)

	Servant to Paris.

	Servant to Diomedes. (Servant:)

HELEN	wife to Menelaus.

ANDROMACHE	wife to Hector.

CASSANDRA	daughter to Priam, a prophetess.

CRESSIDA	daughter to Calchas.

	Trojan and Greek Soldiers, and Attendants.


SCENE	Troy, and the Grecian camp before it.




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA

	PROLOGUE


	In Troy, there lies the scene. From isles of Greece
	The princes orgulous, their high blood chafed,
	Have to the port of Athens sent their ships,
	Fraught with the ministers and instruments
	Of cruel war: sixty and nine, that wore
	Their crownets regal, from the Athenian bay
	Put forth toward Phrygia; and their vow is made
	To ransack Troy, within whose strong immures
	The ravish'd Helen, Menelaus' queen,
	With wanton Paris sleeps; and that's the quarrel.
	To Tenedos they come;
	And the deep-drawing barks do there disgorge
	Their warlike fraughtage: now on Dardan plains
	The fresh and yet unbruised Greeks do pitch
	Their brave pavilions: Priam's six-gated city,
	Dardan, and Tymbria, Helias, Chetas, Troien,
	And Antenorides, with massy staples
	And corresponsive and fulfilling bolts,
	Sperr up the sons of Troy.
	Now expectation, tickling skittish spirits,
	On one and other side, Trojan and Greek,
	Sets all on hazard: and hither am I come
	A prologue arm'd, but not in confidence
	Of author's pen or actor's voice, but suited
	In like conditions as our argument,
	To tell you, fair beholders, that our play
	Leaps o'er the vaunt and firstlings of those broils,
	Beginning in the middle, starting thence away
	To what may be digested in a play.
	Like or find fault; do as your pleasures are:
	Now good or bad, 'tis but the chance of war.




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT I



SCENE I	Troy. Before Priam's palace.


	[Enter TROILUS armed, and PANDARUS]

TROILUS	Call here my varlet; I'll unarm again:
	Why should I war without the walls of Troy,
	That find such cruel battle here within?
	Each Trojan that is master of his heart,
	Let him to field; Troilus, alas! hath none.

PANDARUS	Will this gear ne'er be mended?

TROILUS	The Greeks are strong and skilful to their strength,
	Fierce to their skill and to their fierceness valiant;
	But I am weaker than a woman's tear,
	Tamer than sleep, fonder than ignorance,
	Less valiant than the virgin in the night
	And skilless as unpractised infancy.

PANDARUS	Well, I have told you enough of this: for my part,
	I'll not meddle nor make no further. He that will
	have a cake out of the wheat must needs tarry the grinding.

TROILUS	Have I not tarried?

PANDARUS	Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry
	the bolting.

TROILUS	Have I not tarried?

PANDARUS	Ay, the bolting, but you must tarry the leavening.

TROILUS	Still have I tarried.

PANDARUS	Ay, to the leavening; but here's yet in the word
	'hereafter' the kneading, the making of the cake, the
	heating of the oven and the baking; nay, you must
	stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burn your lips.

TROILUS	Patience herself, what goddess e'er she be,
	Doth lesser blench at sufferance than I do.
	At Priam's royal table do I sit;
	And when fair Cressid comes into my thoughts,--
	So, traitor! 'When she comes!' When is she thence?

PANDARUS	Well, she looked yesternight fairer than ever I saw
	her look, or any woman else.

TROILUS	I was about to tell thee:--when my heart,
	As wedged with a sigh, would rive in twain,
	Lest Hector or my father should perceive me,
	I have, as when the sun doth light a storm,
	Buried this sigh in wrinkle of a smile:
	But sorrow, that is couch'd in seeming gladness,
	Is like that mirth fate turns to sudden sadness.

PANDARUS	An her hair were not somewhat darker than Helen's--
	well, go to--there were no more comparison between
	the women: but, for my part, she is my kinswoman; I
	would not, as they term it, praise her: but I would
	somebody had heard her talk yesterday, as I did. I
	will not dispraise your sister Cassandra's wit, but--

TROILUS	O Pandarus! I tell thee, Pandarus,--
	When I do tell thee, there my hopes lie drown'd,
	Reply not in how many fathoms deep
	They lie indrench'd. I tell thee I am mad
	In Cressid's love: thou answer'st 'she is fair;'
	Pour'st in the open ulcer of my heart
	Her eyes, her hair, her cheek, her gait, her voice,
	Handlest in thy discourse, O, that her hand,
	In whose comparison all whites are ink,
	Writing their own reproach, to whose soft seizure
	The cygnet's down is harsh and spirit of sense
	Hard as the palm of ploughman: this thou tell'st me,
	As true thou tell'st me, when I say I love her;
	But, saying thus, instead of oil and balm,
	Thou lay'st in every gash that love hath given me
	The knife that made it.

PANDARUS	I speak no more than truth.

TROILUS	Thou dost not speak so much.

PANDARUS	Faith, I'll not meddle in't. Let her be as she is:
	if she be fair, 'tis the better for her; an she be
	not, she has the mends in her own hands.

TROILUS	Good Pandarus, how now, Pandarus!

PANDARUS	I have had my labour for my travail; ill-thought on of
	her and ill-thought on of you; gone between and
	between, but small thanks for my labour.

TROILUS	What, art thou angry, Pandarus? what, with me?

PANDARUS	Because she's kin to me, therefore she's not so fair
	as Helen: an she were not kin to me, she would be as
	fair on Friday as Helen is on Sunday. But what care
	I? I care not an she were a black-a-moor; 'tis all one to me.

TROILUS	Say I she is not fair?

PANDARUS	I do not care whether you do or no. She's a fool to
	stay behind her father; let her to the Greeks; and so
	I'll tell her the next time I see her: for my part,
	I'll meddle nor make no more i' the matter.

TROILUS	Pandarus,--

PANDARUS	Not I.

TROILUS	Sweet Pandarus,--

PANDARUS	Pray you, speak no more to me: I will leave all as I
	found it, and there an end.

	[Exit PANDARUS. An alarum]

TROILUS	Peace, you ungracious clamours! peace, rude sounds!
	Fools on both sides! Helen must needs be fair,
	When with your blood you daily paint her thus.
	I cannot fight upon this argument;
	It is too starved a subject for my sword.
	But Pandarus,--O gods, how do you plague me!
	I cannot come to Cressid but by Pandar;
	And he's as tetchy to be woo'd to woo.
	As she is stubborn-chaste against all suit.
	Tell me, Apollo, for thy Daphne's love,
	What Cressid is, what Pandar, and what we?
	Her bed is India; there she lies, a pearl:
	Between our Ilium and where she resides,
	Let it be call'd the wild and wandering flood,
	Ourself the merchant, and this sailing Pandar
	Our doubtful hope, our convoy and our bark.

	[Alarum. Enter AENEAS]

AENEAS	How now, Prince Troilus! wherefore not afield?

TROILUS	Because not there: this woman's answer sorts,
	For womanish it is to be from thence.
	What news, AEneas, from the field to-day?

AENEAS	That Paris is returned home and hurt.

TROILUS	By whom, AEneas?

AENEAS	                  Troilus, by Menelaus.

TROILUS	Let Paris bleed; 'tis but a scar to scorn;
	Paris is gored with Menelaus' horn.

	[Alarum]

AENEAS	Hark, what good sport is out of town to-day!

TROILUS	Better at home, if 'would I might' were 'may.'
	But to the sport abroad: are you bound thither?

AENEAS	In all swift haste.

TROILUS	Come, go we then together.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT I



SCENE II	The Same. A street.


	[Enter CRESSIDA and ALEXANDER]

CRESSIDA	Who were those went by?

ALEXANDER	Queen Hecuba and Helen.

CRESSIDA	And whither go they?

ALEXANDER	Up to the eastern tower,
	Whose height commands as subject all the vale,
	To see the battle. Hector, whose patience
	Is, as a virtue, fix'd, to-day was moved:
	He chid Andromache and struck his armourer,
	And, like as there were husbandry in war,
	Before the sun rose he was harness'd light,
	And to the field goes he; where every flower
	Did, as a prophet, weep what it foresaw
	In Hector's wrath.

CRESSIDA	                  What was his cause of anger?

ALEXANDER	The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks
	A lord of Trojan blood, nephew to Hector;
	They call him Ajax.

CRESSIDA	Good; and what of him?

ALEXANDER	They say he is a very man per se,
	And stands alone.

CRESSIDA	So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.

ALEXANDER	This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their
	particular additions; he is as valiant as the lion,
	churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man
	into whom nature hath so crowded humours that his
	valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with
	discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he
	hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he
	carries some stain of it: he is melancholy without
	cause, and merry against the hair: he hath the
	joints of every thing, but everything so out of joint
	that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use,
	or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.

CRESSIDA	But how should this man, that makes
	me smile, make Hector angry?

ALEXANDER	They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and
	struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath
	ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.

CRESSIDA	Who comes here?

ALEXANDER	Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

	[Enter PANDARUS]

CRESSIDA	Hector's a gallant man.

ALEXANDER	As may be in the world, lady.

PANDARUS	What's that? what's that?

CRESSIDA	Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.

PANDARUS	Good morrow, cousin Cressid: what do you talk of?
	Good morrow, Alexander. How do you, cousin? When
	were you at Ilium?

CRESSIDA	This morning, uncle.

PANDARUS	What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector
	armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not
	up, was she?

CRESSIDA	Hector was gone, but Helen was not up.

PANDARUS	Even so: Hector was stirring early.

CRESSIDA	That were we talking of, and of his anger.

PANDARUS	Was he angry?

CRESSIDA	So he says here.

PANDARUS	True, he was so: I know the cause too: he'll lay
	about him to-day, I can tell them that: and there's
	Troilus will not come far behind him: let them take
	heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.

CRESSIDA	What, is he angry too?

PANDARUS	Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

CRESSIDA	O Jupiter! there's no comparison.

PANDARUS	What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a
	man if you see him?

CRESSIDA	Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.

PANDARUS	Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

CRESSIDA	Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector.

PANDARUS	No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.

CRESSIDA	'Tis just to each of them; he is himself.

PANDARUS	Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were.

CRESSIDA	So he is.

PANDARUS	Condition, I had gone barefoot to India.

CRESSIDA	He is not Hector.

PANDARUS	Himself! no, he's not himself: would a' were
	himself! Well, the gods are above; time must friend
	or end: well, Troilus, well: I would my heart were
	in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.

CRESSIDA	Excuse me.

PANDARUS	He is elder.

CRESSIDA	Pardon me, pardon me.

PANDARUS	Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another
	tale, when th' other's come to't. Hector shall not
	have his wit this year.

CRESSIDA	He shall not need it, if he have his own.

PANDARUS	Nor his qualities.

CRESSIDA	No matter.

PANDARUS	Nor his beauty.

CRESSIDA	'Twould not become him; his own's better.

PANDARUS	You have no judgment, niece: Helen
	herself swore th' other day, that Troilus, for
	a brown favour--for so 'tis, I must confess,--
	not brown neither,--

CRESSIDA	No, but brown.

PANDARUS	'Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.

CRESSIDA	To say the truth, true and not true.

PANDARUS	She praised his complexion above Paris.

CRESSIDA	Why, Paris hath colour enough.

PANDARUS	So he has.

CRESSIDA	Then Troilus should have too much: if she praised
	him above, his complexion is higher than his; he
	having colour enough, and the other higher, is too
	flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as
	lief Helen's golden tongue had commended Troilus for
	a copper nose.

PANDARUS	I swear to you. I think Helen loves him better than Paris.

CRESSIDA	Then she's a merry Greek indeed.

PANDARUS	Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other
	day into the compassed window,--and, you know, he
	has not past three or four hairs on his chin,--

CRESSIDA	Indeed, a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his
	particulars therein to a total.

PANDARUS	Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within
	three pound, lift as much as his brother Hector.

CRESSIDA	Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?

PANDARUS	But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came
	and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin--

CRESSIDA	Juno have mercy! how came it cloven?

PANDARUS	Why, you know 'tis dimpled: I think his smiling
	becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.

CRESSIDA	O, he smiles valiantly.

PANDARUS	Does he not?

CRESSIDA	O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.

PANDARUS	Why, go to, then: but to prove to you that Helen
	loves Troilus,--

CRESSIDA	Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll
	prove it so.

PANDARUS	Troilus! why, he esteems her no more than I esteem
	an addle egg.

CRESSIDA	If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle
	head, you would eat chickens i' the shell.

PANDARUS	I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled
	his chin: indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I
	must needs confess,--

CRESSIDA	Without the rack.

PANDARUS	And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.

CRESSIDA	Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer.

PANDARUS	But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed
	that her eyes ran o'er.

CRESSIDA	With mill-stones.

PANDARUS	And Cassandra laughed.

CRESSIDA	But there was more temperate fire under the pot of
	her eyes: did her eyes run o'er too?

PANDARUS	And Hector laughed.

CRESSIDA	At what was all this laughing?

PANDARUS	Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin.

CRESSIDA	An't had been a green hair, I should have laughed
	too.

PANDARUS	They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer.

CRESSIDA	What was his answer?

PANDARUS	Quoth she, 'Here's but two and fifty hairs on your
	chin, and one of them is white.

CRESSIDA	This is her question.

PANDARUS	That's true; make no question of that. 'Two and
	fifty hairs' quoth he, 'and one white: that white
	hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.'
	'Jupiter!' quoth she, 'which of these hairs is Paris,
	my husband? 'The forked one,' quoth he, 'pluck't
	out, and give it him.' But there was such laughing!
	and Helen so blushed, an Paris so chafed, and all the
	rest so laughed, that it passed.

CRESSIDA	So let it now; for it has been while going by.

PANDARUS	Well, cousin. I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.

CRESSIDA	So I do.

PANDARUS	I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you, an 'twere
	a man born in April.

CRESSIDA	And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle
	against May.

	[A retreat sounded]

PANDARUS	Hark! they are coming from the field: shall we
	stand up here, and see them as they pass toward
	Ilium? good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida.

CRESSIDA	At your pleasure.

PANDARUS	Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may
	see most bravely: I'll tell you them all by their
	names as they pass by; but mark Troilus above the rest.

CRESSIDA	Speak not so loud.

	[AENEAS passes]

PANDARUS	That's AEneas: is not that a brave man? he's one of
	the flowers of Troy, I can tell you: but mark
	Troilus; you shall see anon.

	[ANTENOR passes]

CRESSIDA	Who's that?

PANDARUS	That's Antenor: he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you;
	and he's a man good enough, he's one o' the soundest
	judgments in whosoever, and a proper man of person.
	When comes Troilus? I'll show you Troilus anon: if
	he see me, you shall see him nod at me.

CRESSIDA	Will he give you the nod?

PANDARUS	You shall see.

CRESSIDA	If he do, the rich shall have more.

	[HECTOR passes]

PANDARUS	That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; there's a
	fellow! Go thy way, Hector! There's a brave man,
	niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks! there's
	a countenance! is't not a brave man?

CRESSIDA	O, a brave man!

PANDARUS	Is a' not? it does a man's heart good. Look you
	what hacks are on his helmet! look you yonder, do
	you see? look you there: there's no jesting;
	there's laying on, take't off who will, as they say:
	there be hacks!

CRESSIDA	Be those with swords?

PANDARUS	Swords! any thing, he cares not; an the devil come
	to him, it's all one: by God's lid, it does one's
	heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris.

	[PARIS passes]

	Look ye yonder, niece; is't not a gallant man too,
	is't not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came
	hurt home to-day? he's not hurt: why, this will do
	Helen's heart good now, ha! Would I could see
	Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon.

	[HELENUS passes]

CRESSIDA	Who's that?

PANDARUS	That's Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That's
	Helenus. I think he went not forth to-day. That's Helenus.

CRESSIDA	Can Helenus fight, uncle?

PANDARUS	Helenus? no. Yes, he'll fight indifferent well. I
	marvel where Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the
	people cry 'Troilus'? Helenus is a priest.

CRESSIDA	What sneaking fellow comes yonder?

	[TROILUS passes]

PANDARUS	Where? yonder? that's Deiphobus. 'Tis Troilus!
	there's a man, niece! Hem! Brave Troilus! the
	prince of chivalry!

CRESSIDA	Peace, for shame, peace!

PANDARUS	Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon
	him, niece: look you how his sword is bloodied, and
	his helm more hacked than Hector's, and how he looks,
	and how he goes! O admirable youth! he ne'er saw
	three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way!
	Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess,
	he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris?
	Paris is dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to
	change, would give an eye to boot.

CRESSIDA	Here come more.

	[Forces pass]

PANDARUS	Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran!
	porridge after meat! I could live and die i' the
	eyes of Troilus. Ne'er look, ne'er look: the eagles
	are gone: crows and daws, crows and daws! I had
	rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and
	all Greece.

CRESSIDA	There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus.

PANDARUS	Achilles! a drayman, a porter, a very camel.

CRESSIDA	Well, well.

PANDARUS	'Well, well!' why, have you any discretion? have
	you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not
	birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood,
	learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality,
	and such like, the spice and salt that season a man?

CRESSIDA	Ay, a minced man: and then to be baked with no date
	in the pie, for then the man's date's out.

PANDARUS	You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you
	lie.

CRESSIDA	Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to
	defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine
	honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty; and you, to
	defend all these: and at all these wards I lie, at a
	thousand watches.

PANDARUS	Say one of your watches.

CRESSIDA	Nay, I'll watch you for that; and that's one of the
	chiefest of them too: if I cannot ward what I would
	not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took
	the blow; unless it swell past hiding, and then it's
	past watching.

PANDARUS	You are such another!

	[Enter Troilus's Boy]

Boy	Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.

PANDARUS	Where?

Boy	At your own house; there he unarms him.

PANDARUS	Good boy, tell him I come.

	[Exit boy]

	I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well, good niece.

CRESSIDA	Adieu, uncle.

PANDARUS	I'll be with you, niece, by and by.

CRESSIDA	To bring, uncle?

PANDARUS	Ay, a token from Troilus.

CRESSIDA	By the same token, you are a bawd.

	[Exit PANDARUS]

	Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love's full sacrifice,
	He offers in another's enterprise;
	But more in Troilus thousand fold I see
	Than in the glass of Pandar's praise may be;
	Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing:
	Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.
	That she beloved knows nought that knows not this:
	Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is:
	That she was never yet that ever knew
	Love got so sweet as when desire did sue.
	Therefore this maxim out of love I teach:
	Achievement is command; ungain'd, beseech:
	Then though my heart's content firm love doth bear,
	Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT I



SCENE III	The Grecian camp. Before Agamemnon's tent.


	[Sennet. Enter AGAMEMNON, NESTOR, ULYSSES,
	MENELAUS, and others]

AGAMEMNON	Princes,
	What grief hath set the jaundice on your cheeks?
	The ample proposition that hope makes
	In all designs begun on earth below
	Fails in the promised largeness: cheques and disasters
	Grow in the veins of actions highest rear'd,
	As knots, by the conflux of meeting sap,
	Infect the sound pine and divert his grain
	Tortive and errant from his course of growth.
	Nor, princes, is it matter new to us
	That we come short of our suppose so far
	That after seven years' siege yet Troy walls stand;
	Sith every action that hath gone before,
	Whereof we have record, trial did draw
	Bias and thwart, not answering the aim,
	And that unbodied figure of the thought
	That gave't surmised shape. Why then, you princes,
	Do you with cheeks abash'd behold our works,
	And call them shames? which are indeed nought else
	But the protractive trials of great Jove
	To find persistive constancy in men:
	The fineness of which metal is not found
	In fortune's love; for then the bold and coward,
	The wise and fool, the artist and unread,
	The hard and soft seem all affined and kin:
	But, in the wind and tempest of her frown,
	Distinction, with a broad and powerful fan,
	Puffing at all, winnows the light away;
	And what hath mass or matter, by itself
	Lies rich in virtue and unmingled.

NESTOR	With due observance of thy godlike seat,
	Great Agamemnon, Nestor shall apply
	Thy latest words. In the reproof of chance
	Lies the true proof of men: the sea being smooth,
	How many shallow bauble boats dare sail
	Upon her patient breast, making their way
	With those of nobler bulk!
	But let the ruffian Boreas once enrage
	The gentle Thetis, and anon behold
	The strong-ribb'd bark through liquid mountains cut,
	Bounding between the two moist elements,
	Like Perseus' horse: where's then the saucy boat
	Whose weak untimber'd sides but even now
	Co-rivall'd greatness? Either to harbour fled,
	Or made a toast for Neptune. Even so
	Doth valour's show and valour's worth divide
	In storms of fortune; for in her ray and brightness
	The herd hath more annoyance by the breeze
	Than by the tiger; but when the splitting wind
	Makes flexible the knees of knotted oaks,
	And flies fled under shade, why, then the thing of courage
	As roused with rage with rage doth sympathize,
	And with an accent tuned in selfsame key
	Retorts to chiding fortune.

ULYSSES	Agamemnon,
	Thou great commander, nerve and bone of Greece,
	Heart of our numbers, soul and only spirit.
	In whom the tempers and the minds of all
	Should be shut up, hear what Ulysses speaks.
	Besides the applause and approbation To which,

	[To AGAMEMNON]

	most mighty for thy place and sway,

	[To NESTOR]

	And thou most reverend for thy stretch'd-out life
	I give to both your speeches, which were such
	As Agamemnon and the hand of Greece
	Should hold up high in brass, and such again
	As venerable Nestor, hatch'd in silver,
	Should with a bond of air, strong as the axle-tree
	On which heaven rides, knit all the Greekish ears
	To his experienced tongue, yet let it please both,
	Thou great, and wise, to hear Ulysses speak.

AGAMEMNON	Speak, prince of Ithaca; and be't of less expect
	That matter needless, of importless burden,
	Divide thy lips, than we are confident,
	When rank Thersites opes his mastic jaws,
	We shall hear music, wit and oracle.

ULYSSES	Troy, yet upon his basis, had been down,
	And the great Hector's sword had lack'd a master,
	But for these instances.
	The specialty of rule hath been neglected:
	And, look, how many Grecian tents do stand
	Hollow upon this plain, so many hollow factions.
	When that the general is not like the hive
	To whom the foragers shall all repair,
	What honey is expected? Degree being vizarded,
	The unworthiest shows as fairly in the mask.
	The heavens themselves, the planets and this centre
	Observe degree, priority and place,
	Insisture, course, proportion, season, form,
	Office and custom, in all line of order;
	And therefore is the glorious planet Sol
	In noble eminence enthroned and sphered
	Amidst the other; whose medicinable eye
	Corrects the ill aspects of planets evil,
	And posts, like the commandment of a king,
	Sans cheque to good and bad: but when the planets
	In evil mixture to disorder wander,
	What plagues and what portents! what mutiny!
	What raging of the sea! shaking of earth!
	Commotion in the winds! frights, changes, horrors,
	Divert and crack, rend and deracinate
	The unity and married calm of states
	Quite from their fixure! O, when degree is shaked,
	Which is the ladder to all high designs,
	Then enterprise is sick! How could communities,
	Degrees in schools and brotherhoods in cities,
	Peaceful commerce from dividable shores,
	The primogenitive and due of birth,
	Prerogative of age, crowns, sceptres, laurels,
	But by degree, stand in authentic place?
	Take but degree away, untune that string,
	And, hark, what discord follows! each thing meets
	In mere oppugnancy: the bounded waters
	Should lift their bosoms higher than the shores
	And make a sop of all this solid globe:
	Strength should be lord of imbecility,
	And the rude son should strike his father dead:
	Force should be right; or rather, right and wrong,
	Between whose endless jar justice resides,
	Should lose their names, and so should justice too.
	Then every thing includes itself in power,
	Power into will, will into appetite;
	And appetite, an universal wolf,
	So doubly seconded with will and power,
	Must make perforce an universal prey,
	And last eat up himself. Great Agamemnon,
	This chaos, when degree is suffocate,
	Follows the choking.
	And this neglection of degree it is
	That by a pace goes backward, with a purpose
	It hath to climb. The general's disdain'd
	By him one step below, he by the next,
	That next by him beneath; so every step,
	Exampled by the first pace that is sick
	Of his superior, grows to an envious fever
	Of pale and bloodless emulation:
	And 'tis this fever that keeps Troy on foot,
	Not her own sinews. To end a tale of length,
	Troy in our weakness stands, not in her strength.

NESTOR	Most wisely hath Ulysses here discover'd
	The fever whereof all our power is sick.

AGAMEMNON	The nature of the sickness found, Ulysses,
	What is the remedy?

ULYSSES	The great Achilles, whom opinion crowns
	The sinew and the forehand of our host,
	Having his ear full of his airy fame,
	Grows dainty of his worth, and in his tent
	Lies mocking our designs: with him Patroclus
	Upon a lazy bed the livelong day
	Breaks scurril jests;
	And with ridiculous and awkward action,
	Which, slanderer, he imitation calls,
	He pageants us. Sometime, great Agamemnon,
	Thy topless deputation he puts on,
	And, like a strutting player, whose conceit
	Lies in his hamstring, and doth think it rich
	To hear the wooden dialogue and sound
	'Twixt his stretch'd footing and the scaffoldage,--
	Such to-be-pitied and o'er-wrested seeming
	He acts thy greatness in: and when he speaks,
	'Tis like a chime a-mending; with terms unsquared,
	Which, from the tongue of roaring Typhon dropp'd
	Would seem hyperboles. At this fusty stuff
	The large Achilles, on his press'd bed lolling,
	From his deep chest laughs out a loud applause;
	Cries 'Excellent! 'tis Agamemnon just.
	Now play me Nestor; hem, and stroke thy beard,
	As he being drest to some oration.'
	That's done, as near as the extremest ends
	Of parallels, as like as Vulcan and his wife:
	Yet god Achilles still cries 'Excellent!
	'Tis Nestor right. Now play him me, Patroclus,
	Arming to answer in a night alarm.'
	And then, forsooth, the faint defects of age
	Must be the scene of mirth; to cough and spit,
	And, with a palsy-fumbling on his gorget,
	Shake in and out the rivet: and at this sport
	Sir Valour dies; cries 'O, enough, Patroclus;
	Or give me ribs of steel! I shall split all
	In pleasure of my spleen.' And in this fashion,
	All our abilities, gifts, natures, shapes,
	Severals and generals of grace exact,
	Achievements, plots, orders, preventions,
	Excitements to the field, or speech for truce,
	Success or loss, what is or is not, serves
	As stuff for these two to make paradoxes.

NESTOR	And in the imitation of these twain--
	Who, as Ulysses says, opinion crowns
	With an imperial voice--many are infect.
	Ajax is grown self-will'd, and bears his head
	In such a rein, in full as proud a place
	As broad Achilles; keeps his tent like him;
	Makes factious feasts; rails on our state of war,
	Bold as an oracle, and sets Thersites,
	A slave whose gall coins slanders like a mint,
	To match us in comparisons with dirt,
	To weaken and discredit our exposure,
	How rank soever rounded in with danger.

ULYSSES	They tax our policy, and call it cowardice,
	Count wisdom as no member of the war,
	Forestall prescience, and esteem no act
	But that of hand: the still and mental parts,
	That do contrive how many hands shall strike,
	When fitness calls them on, and know by measure
	Of their observant toil the enemies' weight,--
	Why, this hath not a finger's dignity:
	They call this bed-work, mappery, closet-war;
	So that the ram that batters down the wall,
	For the great swing and rudeness of his poise,
	They place before his hand that made the engine,
	Or those that with the fineness of their souls
	By reason guide his execution.

NESTOR	Let this be granted, and Achilles' horse
	Makes many Thetis' sons.

	[A tucket]

AGAMEMNON	What trumpet? look, Menelaus.

MENELAUS	From Troy.

	[Enter AENEAS]

AGAMEMNON	What would you 'fore our tent?

AENEAS	Is this great Agamemnon's tent, I pray you?

AGAMEMNON	Even this.

AENEAS	May one, that is a herald and a prince,
	Do a fair message to his kingly ears?

AGAMEMNON	With surety stronger than Achilles' arm
	'Fore all the Greekish heads, which with one voice
	Call Agamemnon head and general.

AENEAS	Fair leave and large security. How may
	A stranger to those most imperial looks
	Know them from eyes of other mortals?

AGAMEMNON	How!

AENEAS	Ay;
	I ask, that I might waken reverence,
	And bid the cheek be ready with a blush
	Modest as morning when she coldly eyes
	The youthful Phoebus:
	Which is that god in office, guiding men?
	Which is the high and mighty Agamemnon?

AGAMEMNON	This Trojan scorns us; or the men of Troy
	Are ceremonious courtiers.

AENEAS	Courtiers as free, as debonair, unarm'd,
	As bending angels; that's their fame in peace:
	But when they would seem soldiers, they have galls,
	Good arms, strong joints, true swords; and,
	Jove's accord,
	Nothing so full of heart. But peace, AEneas,
	Peace, Trojan; lay thy finger on thy lips!
	The worthiness of praise distains his worth,
	If that the praised himself bring the praise forth:
	But what the repining enemy commends,
	That breath fame blows; that praise, sole sure,
	transcends.

AGAMEMNON	Sir, you of Troy, call you yourself AEneas?

AENEAS	Ay, Greek, that is my name.

AGAMEMNON	What's your affair I pray you?

AENEAS	Sir, pardon; 'tis for Agamemnon's ears.

AGAMEMNON	He hears naught privately that comes from Troy.

AENEAS	Nor I from Troy come not to whisper him:
	I bring a trumpet to awake his ear,
	To set his sense on the attentive bent,
	And then to speak.

AGAMEMNON	                  Speak frankly as the wind;
	It is not Agamemnon's sleeping hour:
	That thou shalt know. Trojan, he is awake,
	He tells thee so himself.

AENEAS	Trumpet, blow loud,
	Send thy brass voice through all these lazy tents;
	And every Greek of mettle, let him know,
	What Troy means fairly shall be spoke aloud.

	[Trumpet sounds]

	We have, great Agamemnon, here in Troy
	A prince call'd Hector,--Priam is his father,--
	Who in this dull and long-continued truce
	Is rusty grown: he bade me take a trumpet,
	And to this purpose speak. Kings, princes, lords!
	If there be one among the fair'st of Greece
	That holds his honour higher than his ease,
	That seeks his praise more than he fears his peril,
	That knows his valour, and knows not his fear,
	That loves his mistress more than in confession,
	With truant vows to her own lips he loves,
	And dare avow her beauty and her worth
	In other arms than hers,--to him this challenge.
	Hector, in view of Trojans and of Greeks,
	Shall make it good, or do his best to do it,
	He hath a lady, wiser, fairer, truer,
	Than ever Greek did compass in his arms,
	And will to-morrow with his trumpet call
	Midway between your tents and walls of Troy,
	To rouse a Grecian that is true in love:
	If any come, Hector shall honour him;
	If none, he'll say in Troy when he retires,
	The Grecian dames are sunburnt and not worth
	The splinter of a lance. Even so much.

AGAMEMNON	This shall be told our lovers, Lord AEneas;
	If none of them have soul in such a kind,
	We left them all at home: but we are soldiers;
	And may that soldier a mere recreant prove,
	That means not, hath not, or is not in love!
	If then one is, or hath, or means to be,
	That one meets Hector; if none else, I am he.

NESTOR	Tell him of Nestor, one that was a man
	When Hector's grandsire suck'd: he is old now;
	But if there be not in our Grecian host
	One noble man that hath one spark of fire,
	To answer for his love, tell him from me
	I'll hide my silver beard in a gold beaver
	And in my vantbrace put this wither'd brawn,
	And meeting him will tell him that my lady
	Was fairer than his grandam and as chaste
	As may be in the world: his youth in flood,
	I'll prove this truth with my three drops of blood.

AENEAS	Now heavens forbid such scarcity of youth!

ULYSSES	Amen.

AGAMEMNON	Fair Lord AEneas, let me touch your hand;
	To our pavilion shall I lead you, sir.
	Achilles shall have word of this intent;
	So shall each lord of Greece, from tent to tent:
	Yourself shall feast with us before you go
	And find the welcome of a noble foe.

	[Exeunt all but ULYSSES and NESTOR]

ULYSSES	Nestor!

NESTOR	What says Ulysses?

ULYSSES	I have a young conception in my brain;
	Be you my time to bring it to some shape.

NESTOR	What is't?

ULYSSES	This 'tis:
	Blunt wedges rive hard knots: the seeded pride
	That hath to this maturity blown up
	In rank Achilles must or now be cropp'd,
	Or, shedding, breed a nursery of like evil,
	To overbulk us all.

NESTOR	Well, and how?

ULYSSES	This challenge that the gallant Hector sends,
	However it is spread in general name,
	Relates in purpose only to Achilles.

NESTOR	The purpose is perspicuous even as substance,
	Whose grossness little characters sum up:
	And, in the publication, make no strain,
	But that Achilles, were his brain as barren
	As banks of Libya,--though, Apollo knows,
	'Tis dry enough,--will, with great speed of judgment,
	Ay, with celerity, find Hector's purpose
	Pointing on him.

ULYSSES	And wake him to the answer, think you?

NESTOR	Yes, 'tis most meet: whom may you else oppose,
	That can from Hector bring his honour off,
	If not Achilles? Though't be a sportful combat,
	Yet in the trial much opinion dwells;
	For here the Trojans taste our dear'st repute
	With their finest palate: and trust to me, Ulysses,
	Our imputation shall be oddly poised
	In this wild action; for the success,
	Although particular, shall give a scantling
	Of good or bad unto the general;
	And in such indexes, although small pricks
	To their subsequent volumes, there is seen
	The baby figure of the giant mass
	Of things to come at large. It is supposed
	He that meets Hector issues from our choice
	And choice, being mutual act of all our souls,
	Makes merit her election, and doth boil,
	As 'twere from us all, a man distill'd
	Out of our virtues; who miscarrying,
	What heart receives from hence the conquering part,
	To steel a strong opinion to themselves?
	Which entertain'd, limbs are his instruments,
	In no less working than are swords and bows
	Directive by the limbs.

ULYSSES	Give pardon to my speech:
	Therefore 'tis meet Achilles meet not Hector.
	Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares,
	And think, perchance, they'll sell; if not,
	The lustre of the better yet to show,
	Shall show the better. Do not consent
	That ever Hector and Achilles meet;
	For both our honour and our shame in this
	Are dogg'd with two strange followers.

NESTOR	I see them not with my old eyes: what are they?

ULYSSES	What glory our Achilles shares from Hector,
	Were he not proud, we all should share with him:
	But he already is too insolent;
	And we were better parch in Afric sun
	Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes,
	Should he 'scape Hector fair: if he were foil'd,
	Why then, we did our main opinion crush
	In taint of our best man. No, make a lottery;
	And, by device, let blockish Ajax draw
	The sort to fight with Hector: among ourselves
	Give him allowance for the better man;
	For that will physic the great Myrmidon
	Who broils in loud applause, and make him fall
	His crest that prouder than blue Iris bends.
	If the dull brainless Ajax come safe off,
	We'll dress him up in voices: if he fail,
	Yet go we under our opinion still
	That we have better men. But, hit or miss,
	Our project's life this shape of sense assumes:
	Ajax employ'd plucks down Achilles' plumes.

NESTOR	Ulysses,
	Now I begin to relish thy advice;
	And I will give a taste of it forthwith
	To Agamemnon: go we to him straight.
	Two curs shall tame each other: pride alone
	Must tarre the mastiffs on, as 'twere their bone.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT II



SCENE I	A part of the Grecian camp.


	[Enter AJAX and THERSITES]

AJAX	Thersites!

THERSITES	Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over,
	generally?

AJAX	Thersites!

THERSITES	And those boils did run? say so: did not the
	general run then? were not that a botchy core?

AJAX	Dog!

THERSITES	Then would come some matter from him; I see none now.

AJAX	Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear?

	[Beating him]

	Feel, then.

THERSITES	The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel
	beef-witted lord!

AJAX	Speak then, thou vinewedst leaven, speak: I will
	beat thee into handsomeness.

THERSITES	I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but,
	I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than
	thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike,
	canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!

AJAX	Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.

THERSITES	Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?

AJAX	The proclamation!

THERSITES	Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.

AJAX	Do not, porpentine, do not: my fingers itch.

THERSITES	I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had
	the scratching of thee; I would make thee the
	loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
	the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.

AJAX	I say, the proclamation!

THERSITES	Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles,
	and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as
	Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty, ay, that thou
	barkest at him.

AJAX	Mistress Thersites!

THERSITES	Thou shouldest strike him.

AJAX	Cobloaf!

THERSITES	He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a
	sailor breaks a biscuit.

AJAX	[Beating him]  You whoreson cur!

THERSITES	Do, do.

AJAX	Thou stool for a witch!

THERSITES	Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
	more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego
	may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art
	here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and
	sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave.
	If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and
	tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no
	bowels, thou!

AJAX	You dog!

THERSITES	You scurvy lord!

AJAX	[Beating him]  You cur!

THERSITES	Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.

	[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]

ACHILLES	Why, how now, Ajax! wherefore do you thus? How now,
	Thersites! what's the matter, man?

THERSITES	You see him there, do you?

ACHILLES	Ay; what's the matter?

THERSITES	Nay, look upon him.

ACHILLES	So I do: what's the matter?

THERSITES	Nay, but regard him well.

ACHILLES	'Well!' why, I do so.

THERSITES	But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you
	take him to be, he is Ajax.

ACHILLES	I know that, fool.

THERSITES	Ay, but that fool knows not himself.

AJAX	Therefore I beat thee.

THERSITES	Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his
	evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his
	brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy
	nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not
	worth the nineth part of a sparrow. This lord,
	Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and
	his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of
	him.

ACHILLES	What?

THERSITES	I say, this Ajax--

	[Ajax offers to beat him]

ACHILLES	Nay, good Ajax.

THERSITES	Has not so much wit--

ACHILLES	Nay, I must hold you.

THERSITES	As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he
	comes to fight.

ACHILLES	Peace, fool!

THERSITES	I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will
	not: he there: that he: look you there.

AJAX	O thou damned cur! I shall--

ACHILLES	Will you set your wit to a fool's?

THERSITES	No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.

PATROCLUS	Good words, Thersites.

ACHILLES	What's the quarrel?

AJAX	I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the
	proclamation, and he rails upon me.

THERSITES	I serve thee not.

AJAX	Well, go to, go to.

THERSITES	I serve here voluntarily.

ACHILLES	Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not
	voluntary: no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was
	here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.

THERSITES	E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
	sinews, or else there be liars. Hector have a great
	catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a'
	were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.

ACHILLES	What, with me too, Thersites?

THERSITES	There's Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy
	ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you
	like draught-oxen and make you plough up the wars.

ACHILLES	What, what?

THERSITES	Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to!

AJAX	I shall cut out your tongue.

THERSITES	'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
	afterwards.

PATROCLUS	No more words, Thersites; peace!

THERSITES	I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I?

ACHILLES	There's for you, Patroclus.

THERSITES	I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come
	any more to your tents: I will keep where there is
	wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.

	[Exit]

PATROCLUS	A good riddance.

ACHILLES	Marry, this, sir, is proclaim'd through all our host:
	That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun,
	Will with a trumpet 'twixt our tents and Troy
	To-morrow morning call some knight to arms
	That hath a stomach; and such a one that dare
	Maintain--I know not what: 'tis trash. Farewell.

AJAX	Farewell. Who shall answer him?

ACHILLES	I know not: 'tis put to lottery; otherwise
	He knew his man.

AJAX	O, meaning you. I will go learn more of it.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT II



SCENE II	Troy. A room in Priam's palace.


	[Enter PRIAM, HECTOR, TROILUS, PARIS, and HELENUS]

PRIAM	After so many hours, lives, speeches spent,
	Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks:
	'Deliver Helen, and all damage else--
	As honour, loss of time, travail, expense,
	Wounds, friends, and what else dear that is consumed
	In hot digestion of this cormorant war--
	Shall be struck off.' Hector, what say you to't?

HECTOR	Though no man lesser fears the Greeks than I
	As far as toucheth my particular,
	Yet, dread Priam,
	There is no lady of more softer bowels,
	More spongy to suck in the sense of fear,
	More ready to cry out 'Who knows what follows?'
	Than Hector is: the wound of peace is surety,
	Surety secure; but modest doubt is call'd
	The beacon of the wise, the tent that searches
	To the bottom of the worst. Let Helen go:
	Since the first sword was drawn about this question,
	Every tithe soul, 'mongst many thousand dismes,
	Hath been as dear as Helen; I mean, of ours:
	If we have lost so many tenths of ours,
	To guard a thing not ours nor worth to us,
	Had it our name, the value of one ten,
	What merit's in that reason which denies
	The yielding of her up?

TROILUS	Fie, fie, my brother!
	Weigh you the worth and honour of a king
	So great as our dread father in a scale
	Of common ounces? will you with counters sum
	The past proportion of his infinite?
	And buckle in a waist most fathomless
	With spans and inches so diminutive
	As fears and reasons? fie, for godly shame!

HELENUS	No marvel, though you bite so sharp at reasons,
	You are so empty of them. Should not our father
	Bear the great sway of his affairs with reasons,
	Because your speech hath none that tells him so?

TROILUS	You are for dreams and slumbers, brother priest;
	You fur your gloves with reason. Here are
	your reasons:
	You know an enemy intends you harm;
	You know a sword employ'd is perilous,
	And reason flies the object of all harm:
	Who marvels then, when Helenus beholds
	A Grecian and his sword, if he do set
	The very wings of reason to his heels
	And fly like chidden Mercury from Jove,
	Or like a star disorb'd? Nay, if we talk of reason,
	Let's shut our gates and sleep: manhood and honour
	Should have hare-hearts, would they but fat
	their thoughts
	With this cramm'd reason: reason and respect
	Make livers pale and lustihood deject.

HECTOR	Brother, she is not worth what she doth cost
	The holding.

TROILUS	                  What is aught, but as 'tis valued?

HECTOR	But value dwells not in particular will;
	It holds his estimate and dignity
	As well wherein 'tis precious of itself
	As in the prizer: 'tis mad idolatry
	To make the service greater than the god
	And the will dotes that is attributive
	To what infectiously itself affects,
	Without some image of the affected merit.

TROILUS	I take to-day a wife, and my election
	Is led on in the conduct of my will;
	My will enkindled by mine eyes and ears,
	Two traded pilots 'twixt the dangerous shores
	Of will and judgment: how may I avoid,
	Although my will distaste what it elected,
	The wife I chose? there can be no evasion
	To blench from this and to stand firm by honour:
	We turn not back the silks upon the merchant,
	When we have soil'd them, nor the remainder viands
	We do not throw in unrespective sieve,
	Because we now are full. It was thought meet
	Paris should do some vengeance on the Greeks:
	Your breath of full consent bellied his sails;
	The seas and winds, old wranglers, took a truce
	And did him service: he touch'd the ports desired,
	And for an old aunt whom the Greeks held captive,
	He brought a Grecian queen, whose youth and freshness
	Wrinkles Apollo's, and makes stale the morning.
	Why keep we her? the Grecians keep our aunt:
	Is she worth keeping? why, she is a pearl,
	Whose price hath launch'd above a thousand ships,
	And turn'd crown'd kings to merchants.
	If you'll avouch 'twas wisdom Paris went--
	As you must needs, for you all cried 'Go, go,'--
	If you'll confess he brought home noble prize--
	As you must needs, for you all clapp'd your hands
	And cried 'Inestimable!'--why do you now
	The issue of your proper wisdoms rate,
	And do a deed that fortune never did,
	Beggar the estimation which you prized
	Richer than sea and land? O, theft most base,
	That we have stol'n what we do fear to keep!
	But, thieves, unworthy of a thing so stol'n,
	That in their country did them that disgrace,
	We fear to warrant in our native place!

CASSANDRA	[Within]  Cry, Trojans, cry!

PRIAM	What noise? what shriek is this?

TROILUS	'Tis our mad sister, I do know her voice.

CASSANDRA	[Within]  Cry, Trojans!

HECTOR	It is Cassandra.

	[Enter CASSANDRA, raving]

CASSANDRA	Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes,
	And I will fill them with prophetic tears.

HECTOR	Peace, sister, peace!

CASSANDRA	Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled eld,
	Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry,
	Add to my clamours! let us pay betimes
	A moiety of that mass of moan to come.
	Cry, Trojans, cry! practise your eyes with tears!
	Troy must not be, nor goodly Ilion stand;
	Our firebrand brother, Paris, burns us all.
	Cry, Trojans, cry! a Helen and a woe:
	Cry, cry! Troy burns, or else let Helen go.

	[Exit]

HECTOR	Now, youthful Troilus, do not these high strains
	Of divination in our sister work
	Some touches of remorse? or is your blood
	So madly hot that no discourse of reason,
	Nor fear of bad success in a bad cause,
	Can qualify the same?

TROILUS	Why, brother Hector,
	We may not think the justness of each act
	Such and no other than event doth form it,
	Nor once deject the courage of our minds,
	Because Cassandra's mad: her brain-sick raptures
	Cannot distaste the goodness of a quarrel
	Which hath our several honours all engaged
	To make it gracious. For my private part,
	I am no more touch'd than all Priam's sons:
	And Jove forbid there should be done amongst us
	Such things as might offend the weakest spleen
	To fight for and maintain!

PARIS	Else might the world convince of levity
	As well my undertakings as your counsels:
	But I attest the gods, your full consent
	Gave wings to my propension and cut off
	All fears attending on so dire a project.
	For what, alas, can these my single arms?
	What Propugnation is in one man's valour,
	To stand the push and enmity of those
	This quarrel would excite? Yet, I protest,
	Were I alone to pass the difficulties
	And had as ample power as I have will,
	Paris should ne'er retract what he hath done,
	Nor faint in the pursuit.

PRIAM	Paris, you speak
	Like one besotted on your sweet delights:
	You have the honey still, but these the gall;
	So to be valiant is no praise at all.

PARIS	Sir, I propose not merely to myself
	The pleasures such a beauty brings with it;
	But I would have the soil of her fair rape
	Wiped off, in honourable keeping her.
	What treason were it to the ransack'd queen,
	Disgrace to your great worths and shame to me,
	Now to deliver her possession up
	On terms of base compulsion! Can it be
	That so degenerate a strain as this
	Should once set footing in your generous bosoms?
	There's not the meanest spirit on our party
	Without a heart to dare or sword to draw
	When Helen is defended, nor none so noble
	Whose life were ill bestow'd or death unfamed
	Where Helen is the subject; then, I say,
	Well may we fight for her whom, we know well,
	The world's large spaces cannot parallel.

HECTOR	Paris and Troilus, you have both said well,
	And on the cause and question now in hand
	Have glozed, but superficially: not much
	Unlike young men, whom Aristotle thought
	Unfit to hear moral philosophy:
	The reasons you allege do more conduce
	To the hot passion of distemper'd blood
	Than to make up a free determination
	'Twixt right and wrong, for pleasure and revenge
	Have ears more deaf than adders to the voice
	Of any true decision. Nature craves
	All dues be render'd to their owners: now,
	What nearer debt in all humanity
	Than wife is to the husband? If this law
	Of nature be corrupted through affection,
	And that great minds, of partial indulgence
	To their benumbed wills, resist the same,
	There is a law in each well-order'd nation
	To curb those raging appetites that are
	Most disobedient and refractory.
	If Helen then be wife to Sparta's king,
	As it is known she is, these moral laws
	Of nature and of nations speak aloud
	To have her back return'd: thus to persist
	In doing wrong extenuates not wrong,
	But makes it much more heavy. Hector's opinion
	Is this in way of truth; yet ne'ertheless,
	My spritely brethren, I propend to you
	In resolution to keep Helen still,
	For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependance
	Upon our joint and several dignities.

TROILUS	Why, there you touch'd the life of our design:
	Were it not glory that we more affected
	Than the performance of our heaving spleens,
	I would not wish a drop of Trojan blood
	Spent more in her defence. But, worthy Hector,
	She is a theme of honour and renown,
	A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds,
	Whose present courage may beat down our foes,
	And fame in time to come canonize us;
	For, I presume, brave Hector would not lose
	So rich advantage of a promised glory
	As smiles upon the forehead of this action
	For the wide world's revenue.

HECTOR	I am yours,
	You valiant offspring of great Priamus.
	I have a roisting challenge sent amongst
	The dun and factious nobles of the Greeks
	Will strike amazement to their drowsy spirits:
	I was advertised their great general slept,
	Whilst emulation in the army crept:
	This, I presume, will wake him.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT II



SCENE III	The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.


	[Enter THERSITES, solus]

THERSITES	How now, Thersites! what lost in the labyrinth of
	thy fury! Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He
	beats me, and I rail at him: O, worthy satisfaction!
	would it were otherwise; that I could beat him,
	whilst he railed at me. 'Sfoot, I'll learn to
	conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of
	my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, a
	rare enginer! If Troy be not taken till these two
	undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of
	themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus,
	forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods and,
	Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy
	caduceus, if ye take not that little, little less
	than little wit from them that they have! which
	short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant
	scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly
	from a spider, without drawing their massy irons and
	cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the
	whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that,
	methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war
	for a placket. I have said my prayers and devil Envy
	say Amen. What ho! my Lord Achilles!

	[Enter PATROCLUS]

PATROCLUS	Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and rail.

THERSITES	If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou
	wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but
	it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The common
	curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in
	great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and
	discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
	direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee
	out says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and
	sworn upon't she never shrouded any but lazars.
	Amen. Where's Achilles?

PATROCLUS	What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer?

THERSITES	Ay: the heavens hear me!

	[Enter ACHILLES]

ACHILLES	Who's there?

PATROCLUS	Thersites, my lord.

ACHILLES	Where, where? Art thou come? why, my cheese, my
	digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to
	my table so many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?

THERSITES	Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,
	what's Achilles?

PATROCLUS	Thy lord, Thersites: then tell me, I pray thee,
	what's thyself?

THERSITES	Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus,
	what art thou?

PATROCLUS	Thou mayst tell that knowest.

ACHILLES	O, tell, tell.

THERSITES	I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
	Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus'
	knower, and Patroclus is a fool.

PATROCLUS	You rascal!

THERSITES	Peace, fool! I have not done.

ACHILLES	He is a privileged man. Proceed, Thersites.

THERSITES	Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites
	is a fool, and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.

ACHILLES	Derive this; come.

THERSITES	Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
	Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon;
	Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and
	Patroclus is a fool positive.

PATROCLUS	Why am I a fool?

THERSITES	Make that demand of the prover. It suffices me thou
	art. Look you, who comes here?

ACHILLES	Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody.
	Come in with me, Thersites.

	[Exit]

THERSITES	Here is such patchery, such juggling and such
	knavery! all the argument is a cuckold and a
	whore; a good quarrel to draw emulous factions
	and bleed to death upon. Now, the dry serpigo on
	the subject! and war and lechery confound all!

	[Exit]

	[Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES, and AJAX]

AGAMEMNON	Where is Achilles?

PATROCLUS	Within his tent; but ill disposed, my lord.

AGAMEMNON	Let it be known to him that we are here.
	He shent our messengers; and we lay by
	Our appertainments, visiting of him:
	Let him be told so; lest perchance he think
	We dare not move the question of our place,
	Or know not what we are.

PATROCLUS	I shall say so to him.

	[Exit]

ULYSSES	We saw him at the opening of his tent:
	He is not sick.

AJAX	Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart: you may call it
	melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my
	head, 'tis pride: but why, why? let him show us the
	cause. A word, my lord.

	[Takes AGAMEMNON aside]

NESTOR	What moves Ajax thus to bay at him?

ULYSSES	Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him.

NESTOR	Who, Thersites?

ULYSSES	He.

NESTOR	Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument.

ULYSSES	No, you see, he is his argument that has his
	argument, Achilles.

NESTOR	All the better; their fraction is more our wish than
	their faction: but it was a strong composure a fool
	could disunite.

ULYSSES	The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily
	untie. Here comes Patroclus.

	[Re-enter PATROCLUS]

NESTOR	No Achilles with him.

ULYSSES	The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy:
	his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure.

PATROCLUS	Achilles bids me say, he is much sorry,
	If any thing more than your sport and pleasure
	Did move your greatness and this noble state
	To call upon him; he hopes it is no other
	But for your health and your digestion sake,
	And after-dinner's breath.

AGAMEMNON	Hear you, Patroclus:
	We are too well acquainted with these answers:
	But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,
	Cannot outfly our apprehensions.
	Much attribute he hath, and much the reason
	Why we ascribe it to him; yet all his virtues,
	Not virtuously on his own part beheld,
	Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss,
	Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,
	Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him,
	We come to speak with him; and you shall not sin,
	If you do say we think him over-proud
	And under-honest, in self-assumption greater
	Than in the note of judgment; and worthier
	than himself
	Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on,
	Disguise the holy strength of their command,
	And underwrite in an observing kind
	His humorous predominance; yea, watch
	His pettish lunes, his ebbs, his flows, as if
	The passage and whole carriage of this action
	Rode on his tide. Go tell him this, and add,
	That if he overhold his price so much,
	We'll none of him; but let him, like an engine
	Not portable, lie under this report:
	'Bring action hither, this cannot go to war:
	A stirring dwarf we do allowance give
	Before a sleeping giant.' Tell him so.

PATROCLUS	I shall; and bring his answer presently.

	[Exit]

AGAMEMNON	In second voice we'll not be satisfied;
	We come to speak with him. Ulysses, enter you.

	[Exit ULYSSES]

AJAX	What is he more than another?

AGAMEMNON	No more than what he thinks he is.

AJAX	Is he so much? Do you not think he thinks himself a
	better man than I am?

AGAMEMNON	No question.

AJAX	Will you subscribe his thought, and say he is?

AGAMEMNON	No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as
	wise, no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether
	more tractable.

AJAX	Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I
	know not what pride is.

AGAMEMNON	Your mind is the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the
	fairer. He that is proud eats up himself: pride is
	his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle;
	and whatever praises itself but in the deed, devours
	the deed in the praise.

AJAX	I do hate a proud man, as I hate the engendering of toads.

NESTOR	Yet he loves himself: is't not strange?

	[Aside]

	[Re-enter ULYSSES]

ULYSSES	Achilles will not to the field to-morrow.

AGAMEMNON	What's his excuse?

ULYSSES	                  He doth rely on none,
	But carries on the stream of his dispose
	Without observance or respect of any,
	In will peculiar and in self-admission.

AGAMEMNON	Why will he not upon our fair request
	Untent his person and share the air with us?

ULYSSES	Things small as nothing, for request's sake only,
	He makes important: possess'd he is with greatness,
	And speaks not to himself but with a pride
	That quarrels at self-breath: imagined worth
	Holds in his blood such swoln and hot discourse
	That 'twixt his mental and his active parts
	Kingdom'd Achilles in commotion rages
	And batters down himself: what should I say?
	He is so plaguy proud that the death-tokens of it
	Cry 'No recovery.'

AGAMEMNON	                  Let Ajax go to him.
	Dear lord, go you and greet him in his tent:
	'Tis said he holds you well, and will be led
	At your request a little from himself.

ULYSSES	O Agamemnon, let it not be so!
	We'll consecrate the steps that Ajax makes
	When they go from Achilles: shall the proud lord
	That bastes his arrogance with his own seam
	And never suffers matter of the world
	Enter his thoughts, save such as do revolve
	And ruminate himself, shall he be worshipp'd
	Of that we hold an idol more than he?
	No, this thrice worthy and right valiant lord
	Must not so stale his palm, nobly acquired;
	Nor, by my will, assubjugate his merit,
	As amply titled as Achilles is,
	By going to Achilles:
	That were to enlard his fat already pride
	And add more coals to Cancer when he burns
	With entertaining great Hyperion.
	This lord go to him! Jupiter forbid,
	And say in thunder 'Achilles go to him.'

NESTOR	[Aside to DIOMEDES]  O, this is well; he rubs the
	vein of him.

DIOMEDES	[Aside to NESTOR]  And how his silence drinks up
	this applause!

AJAX	If I go to him, with my armed fist I'll pash him o'er the face.

AGAMEMNON	O, no, you shall not go.

AJAX	An a' be proud with me, I'll pheeze his pride:
	Let me go to him.

ULYSSES	Not for the worth that hangs upon our quarrel.

AJAX	A paltry, insolent fellow!

NESTOR	How he describes himself!

AJAX	Can he not be sociable?

ULYSSES	The raven chides blackness.

AJAX	I'll let his humours blood.

AGAMEMNON	He will be the physician that should be the patient.

AJAX	An all men were o' my mind,--

ULYSSES	Wit would be out of fashion.

AJAX	A' should not bear it so, a' should eat swords first:
	shall pride carry it?

NESTOR	An 'twould, you'ld carry half.

ULYSSES	A' would have ten shares.

AJAX	I will knead him; I'll make him supple.

NESTOR	He's not yet through warm: force him with praises:
	pour in, pour in; his ambition is dry.

ULYSSES	[To AGAMEMNON]  My lord, you feed too much on this dislike.

NESTOR	Our noble general, do not do so.

DIOMEDES	You must prepare to fight without Achilles.

ULYSSES	Why, 'tis this naming of him does him harm.
	Here is a man--but 'tis before his face;
	I will be silent.

NESTOR	                  Wherefore should you so?
	He is not emulous, as Achilles is.

ULYSSES	Know the whole world, he is as valiant.

AJAX	A whoreson dog, that shall pelter thus with us!
	Would he were a Trojan!

NESTOR	What a vice were it in Ajax now,--

ULYSSES	If he were proud,--

DIOMEDES	Or covetous of praise,--

ULYSSES	Ay, or surly borne,--

DIOMEDES	Or strange, or self-affected!

ULYSSES	Thank the heavens, lord, thou art of sweet composure;
	Praise him that got thee, she that gave thee suck:
	Famed be thy tutor, and thy parts of nature
	Thrice famed, beyond all erudition:
	But he that disciplined thy arms to fight,
	Let Mars divide eternity in twain,
	And give him half: and, for thy vigour,
	Bull-bearing Milo his addition yield
	To sinewy Ajax. I will not praise thy wisdom,
	Which, like a bourn, a pale, a shore, confines
	Thy spacious and dilated parts: here's Nestor;
	Instructed by the antiquary times,
	He must, he is, he cannot but be wise:
	Put pardon, father Nestor, were your days
	As green as Ajax' and your brain so temper'd,
	You should not have the eminence of him,
	But be as Ajax.

AJAX	                  Shall I call you father?

NESTOR	Ay, my good son.

DIOMEDES	                  Be ruled by him, Lord Ajax.

ULYSSES	There is no tarrying here; the hart Achilles
	Keeps thicket. Please it our great general
	To call together all his state of war;
	Fresh kings are come to Troy: to-morrow
	We must with all our main of power stand fast:
	And here's a lord,--come knights from east to west,
	And cull their flower, Ajax shall cope the best.

AGAMEMNON	Go we to council. Let Achilles sleep:
	Light boats sail swift, though greater hulks draw deep.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT III



SCENE I	Troy. Priam's palace.


	[Enter a Servant and PANDARUS]

PANDARUS	Friend, you! pray you, a word: do not you follow
	the young Lord Paris?

Servant	Ay, sir, when he goes before me.

PANDARUS	You depend upon him, I mean?

Servant	Sir, I do depend upon the lord.

PANDARUS	You depend upon a noble gentleman; I must needs
	praise him.

Servant	The lord be praised!

PANDARUS	You know me, do you not?

Servant	Faith, sir, superficially.

PANDARUS	Friend, know me better; I am the Lord Pandarus.

Servant	I hope I shall know your honour better.

PANDARUS	I do desire it.

Servant	You are in the state of grace.

PANDARUS	Grace! not so, friend: honour and lordship are my titles.

	[Music within]

	What music is this?

Servant	I do but partly know, sir: it is music in parts.

PANDARUS	Know you the musicians?

Servant	Wholly, sir.

PANDARUS	Who play they to?

Servant	To the hearers, sir.

PANDARUS	At whose pleasure, friend

Servant	At mine, sir, and theirs that love music.

PANDARUS	Command, I mean, friend.

Servant	Who shall I command, sir?

PANDARUS	Friend, we understand not one another: I am too
	courtly and thou art too cunning. At whose request
	do these men play?

Servant	That's to 't indeed, sir: marry, sir, at the request
	of Paris my lord, who's there in person; with him,
	the mortal Venus, the heart-blood of beauty, love's
	invisible soul,--

PANDARUS	Who, my cousin Cressida?

Servant	No, sir, Helen: could you not find out that by her
	attributes?

PANDARUS	It should seem, fellow, that thou hast not seen the
	Lady Cressida. I come to speak with Paris from the
	Prince Troilus: I will make a complimental assault
	upon him, for my business seethes.

Servant	Sodden business! there's a stewed phrase indeed!

	[Enter PARIS and HELEN, attended]

PANDARUS	Fair be to you, my lord, and to all this fair
	company! fair desires, in all fair measure,
	fairly guide them! especially to you, fair queen!
	fair thoughts be your fair pillow!

HELEN	Dear lord, you are full of fair words.

PANDARUS	You speak your fair pleasure, sweet queen. Fair
	prince, here is good broken music.

PARIS	You have broke it, cousin: and, by my life, you
	shall make it whole again; you shall piece it out
	with a piece of your performance. Nell, he is full
	of harmony.

PANDARUS	Truly, lady, no.

HELEN	O, sir,--

PANDARUS	Rude, in sooth; in good sooth, very rude.

PARIS	Well said, my lord! well, you say so in fits.

PANDARUS	I have business to my lord, dear queen. My lord,
	will you vouchsafe me a word?

HELEN	Nay, this shall not hedge us out: we'll hear you
	sing, certainly.

PANDARUS	Well, sweet queen. you are pleasant with me. But,
	marry, thus, my lord: my dear lord and most esteemed
	friend, your brother Troilus,--

HELEN	My Lord Pandarus; honey-sweet lord,--

PANDARUS	Go to, sweet queen, to go:--commends himself most
	affectionately to you,--

HELEN	You shall not bob us out of our melody: if you do,
	our melancholy upon your head!

PANDARUS	Sweet queen, sweet queen! that's a sweet queen, i' faith.

HELEN	And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence.

PANDARUS	Nay, that shall not serve your turn; that shall not,
	in truth, la. Nay, I care not for such words; no,
	no. And, my lord, he desires you, that if the king
	call for him at supper, you will make his excuse.

HELEN	My Lord Pandarus,--

PANDARUS	What says my sweet queen, my very very sweet queen?

PARIS	What exploit's in hand? where sups he to-night?

HELEN	Nay, but, my lord,--

PANDARUS	What says my sweet queen? My cousin will fall out
	with you. You must not know where he sups.

PARIS	I'll lay my life, with my disposer Cressida.

PANDARUS	No, no, no such matter; you are wide: come, your
	disposer is sick.

PARIS	Well, I'll make excuse.

PANDARUS	Ay, good my lord. Why should you say Cressida? no,
	your poor disposer's sick.

PARIS	I spy.

PANDARUS	You spy! what do you spy? Come, give me an
	instrument. Now, sweet queen.

HELEN	Why, this is kindly done.

PANDARUS	My niece is horribly in love with a thing you have,
	sweet queen.

HELEN	She shall have it, my lord, if it be not my lord Paris.

PANDARUS	He! no, she'll none of him; they two are twain.

HELEN	Falling in, after falling out, may make them three.

PANDARUS	Come, come, I'll hear no more of this; I'll sing
	you a song now.

HELEN	Ay, ay, prithee now. By my troth, sweet lord, thou
	hast a fine forehead.

PANDARUS	Ay, you may, you may.

HELEN	Let thy song be love: this love will undo us all.
	O Cupid, Cupid, Cupid!

PANDARUS	Love! ay, that it shall, i' faith.

PARIS	Ay, good now, love, love, nothing but love.

PANDARUS	In good troth, it begins so.

	[Sings]

	Love, love, nothing but love, still more!
	For, O, love's bow
	Shoots buck and doe:
	The shaft confounds,
	Not that it wounds,
	But tickles still the sore.
	These lovers cry Oh! oh! they die!
	Yet that which seems the wound to kill,
	Doth turn oh! oh! to ha! ha! he!
	So dying love lives still:
	Oh! oh! a while, but ha! ha! ha!
	Oh! oh! groans out for ha! ha! ha!
	Heigh-ho!

HELEN	In love, i' faith, to the very tip of the nose.

PARIS	He eats nothing but doves, love, and that breeds hot
	blood, and hot blood begets hot thoughts, and hot
	thoughts beget hot deeds, and hot deeds is love.

PANDARUS	Is this the generation of love? hot blood, hot
	thoughts, and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers:
	is love a generation of vipers? Sweet lord, who's
	a-field to-day?

PARIS	Hector, Deiphobus, Helenus, Antenor, and all the
	gallantry of Troy: I  would fain have armed to-day,
	but my Nell would not have it so. How chance my
	brother Troilus went not?

HELEN	He hangs the lip at something: you know all, Lord Pandarus.

PANDARUS	Not I, honey-sweet queen. I long to hear how they
	sped to-day. You'll remember your brother's excuse?

PARIS	To a hair.

PANDARUS	Farewell, sweet queen.

HELEN	Commend me to your niece.

PANDARUS	I will, sweet queen.

	[Exit]

	[A retreat sounded]

PARIS	They're come from field: let us to Priam's hall,
	To greet the warriors. Sweet Helen, I must woo you
	To help unarm our Hector: his stubborn buckles,
	With these your white enchanting fingers touch'd,
	Shall more obey than to the edge of steel
	Or force of Greekish sinews; you shall do more
	Than all the island kings,--disarm great Hector.

HELEN	'Twill make us proud to be his servant, Paris;
	Yea, what he shall receive of us in duty
	Gives us more palm in beauty than we have,
	Yea, overshines ourself.

PARIS	Sweet, above thought I love thee.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT III



SCENE II	The same. Pandarus' orchard.


	[Enter PANDARUS and Troilus's Boy, meeting]

PANDARUS	How now! where's thy master? at my cousin
	Cressida's?

Boy	No, sir; he stays for you to conduct him thither.

PANDARUS	O, here he comes.

	[Enter TROILUS]

	How now, how now!

TROILUS	Sirrah, walk off.

	[Exit Boy]

PANDARUS	Have you seen my cousin?

TROILUS	No, Pandarus: I stalk about her door,
	Like a strange soul upon the Stygian banks
	Staying for waftage. O, be thou my Charon,
	And give me swift transportance to those fields
	Where I may wallow in the lily-beds
	Proposed for the deserver! O gentle Pandarus,
	From Cupid's shoulder pluck his painted wings
	And fly with me to Cressid!

PANDARUS	Walk here i' the orchard, I'll bring her straight.

	[Exit]

TROILUS	I am giddy; expectation whirls me round.
	The imaginary relish is so sweet
	That it enchants my sense: what will it be,
	When that the watery palate tastes indeed
	Love's thrice repured nectar? death, I fear me,
	Swooning destruction, or some joy too fine,
	Too subtle-potent, tuned too sharp in sweetness,
	For the capacity of my ruder powers:
	I fear it much; and I do fear besides,
	That I shall lose distinction in my joys;
	As doth a battle, when they charge on heaps
	The enemy flying.

	[Re-enter PANDARUS]

PANDARUS	She's making her ready, she'll come straight: you
	must be witty now. She does so blush, and fetches
	her wind so short, as if she were frayed with a
	sprite: I'll fetch her. It is the prettiest
	villain: she fetches her breath as short as a
	new-ta'en sparrow.

	[Exit]

TROILUS	Even such a passion doth embrace my bosom:
	My heart beats thicker than a feverous pulse;
	And all my powers do their bestowing lose,
	Like vassalage at unawares encountering
	The eye of majesty.

	[Re-enter PANDARUS with CRESSIDA]

PANDARUS	Come, come, what need you blush? shame's a baby.
	Here she is now: swear the oaths now to her that
	you have sworn to me. What, are you gone again?
	you must be watched ere you be made tame, must you?
	Come your ways, come your ways; an you draw backward,
	we'll put you i' the fills. Why do you not speak to
	her? Come, draw this curtain, and let's see your
	picture. Alas the day, how loath you are to offend
	daylight! an 'twere dark, you'ld close sooner.
	So, so; rub on, and kiss the mistress. How now!
	a kiss in fee-farm! build there, carpenter; the air
	is sweet. Nay, you shall fight your hearts out ere
	I part you. The falcon as the tercel, for all the
	ducks i' the river: go to, go to.

TROILUS	You have bereft me of all words, lady.

PANDARUS	Words pay no debts, give her deeds: but she'll
	bereave you o' the deeds too, if she call your
	activity in question. What, billing again? Here's
	'In witness whereof the parties interchangeably'--
	Come in, come in: I'll go get a fire.

	[Exit]

CRESSIDA	Will you walk in, my lord?

TROILUS	O Cressida, how often have I wished me thus!

CRESSIDA	Wished, my lord! The gods grant,--O my lord!

TROILUS	What should they grant? what makes this pretty
	abruption? What too curious dreg espies my sweet
	lady in the fountain of our love?

CRESSIDA	More dregs than water, if my fears have eyes.

TROILUS	Fears make devils of cherubims; they never see truly.

CRESSIDA	Blind fear, that seeing reason leads, finds safer
	footing than blind reason stumbling without fear: to
	fear the worst oft cures the worse.

TROILUS	O, let my lady apprehend no fear: in all Cupid's
	pageant there is presented no monster.

CRESSIDA	Nor nothing monstrous neither?

TROILUS	Nothing, but our undertakings; when we vow to weep
	seas, live in fire, eat rocks, tame tigers; thinking
	it harder for our mistress to devise imposition
	enough than for us to undergo any difficulty imposed.
	This is the monstruosity in love, lady, that the will
	is infinite and the execution confined, that the
	desire is boundless and the act a slave to limit.

CRESSIDA	They say all lovers swear more performance than they
	are able and yet reserve an ability that they never
	perform, vowing more than the perfection of ten and
	discharging less than the tenth part of one. They
	that have the voice of lions and the act of hares,
	are they not monsters?

TROILUS	Are there such? such are not we: praise us as we
	are tasted, allow us as we prove; our head shall go
	bare till merit crown it: no perfection in reversion
	shall have a praise in present: we will not name
	desert before his birth, and, being born, his addition
	shall be humble. Few words to fair faith: Troilus
	shall be such to Cressid as what envy can say worst
	shall be a mock for his truth, and what truth can
	speak truest not truer than Troilus.

CRESSIDA	Will you walk in, my lord?

	[Re-enter PANDARUS]

PANDARUS	What, blushing still? have you not done talking yet?

CRESSIDA	Well, uncle, what folly I commit, I dedicate to you.

PANDARUS	I thank you for that: if my lord get a boy of you,
	you'll give him me. Be true to my lord: if he
	flinch, chide me for it.

TROILUS	You know now your hostages; your uncle's word and my
	firm faith.

PANDARUS	Nay, I'll give my word for her too: our kindred,
	though they be long ere they are wooed, they are
	constant being won: they are burs, I can tell you;
	they'll stick where they are thrown.

CRESSIDA	Boldness comes to me now, and brings me heart.
	Prince Troilus, I have loved you night and day
	For many weary months.

TROILUS	Why was my Cressid then so hard to win?

CRESSIDA	Hard to seem won: but I was won, my lord,
	With the first glance that ever--pardon me--
	If I confess much, you will play the tyrant.
	I love you now; but not, till now, so much
	But I might master it: in faith, I lie;
	My thoughts were like unbridled children, grown
	Too headstrong for their mother. See, we fools!
	Why have I blabb'd? who shall be true to us,
	When we are so unsecret to ourselves?
	But, though I loved you well, I woo'd you not;
	And yet, good faith, I wish'd myself a man,
	Or that we women had men's privilege
	Of speaking first. Sweet, bid me hold my tongue,
	For in this rapture I shall surely speak
	The thing I shall repent. See, see, your silence,
	Cunning in dumbness, from my weakness draws
	My very soul of counsel! stop my mouth.

TROILUS	And shall, albeit sweet music issues thence.

PANDARUS	Pretty, i' faith.

CRESSIDA	My lord, I do beseech you, pardon me;
	'Twas not my purpose, thus to beg a kiss:
	I am ashamed. O heavens! what have I done?
	For this time will I take my leave, my lord.

TROILUS	Your leave, sweet Cressid!

PANDARUS	Leave! an you take leave till to-morrow morning,--

CRESSIDA	Pray you, content you.

TROILUS	What offends you, lady?

CRESSIDA	Sir, mine own company.

TROILUS	You cannot shun Yourself.

CRESSIDA	        Let me go and try:
	I have a kind of self resides with you;
	But an unkind self, that itself will leave,
	To be another's fool. I would be gone:
	Where is my wit? I know not what I speak.

TROILUS	Well know they what they speak that speak so wisely.

CRESSIDA	Perchance, my lord, I show more craft than love;
	And fell so roundly to a large confession,
	To angle for your thoughts: but you are wise,
	Or else you love not, for to be wise and love
	Exceeds man's might; that dwells with gods above.

TROILUS	O that I thought it could be in a woman--
	As, if it can, I will presume in you--
	To feed for aye her ramp and flames of love;
	To keep her constancy in plight and youth,
	Outliving beauty's outward, with a mind
	That doth renew swifter than blood decays!
	Or that persuasion could but thus convince me,
	That my integrity and truth to you
	Might be affronted with the match and weight
	Of such a winnow'd purity in love;
	How were I then uplifted! but, alas!
	I am as true as truth's simplicity
	And simpler than the infancy of truth.

CRESSIDA	In that I'll war with you.

TROILUS	O virtuous fight,
	When right with right wars who shall be most right!
	True swains in love shall in the world to come
	Approve their truths by Troilus: when their rhymes,
	Full of protest, of oath and big compare,
	Want similes, truth tired with iteration,
	As true as steel, as plantage to the moon,
	As sun to day, as turtle to her mate,
	As iron to adamant, as earth to the centre,
	Yet, after all comparisons of truth,
	As truth's authentic author to be cited,
	'As true as Troilus' shall crown up the verse,
	And sanctify the numbers.

CRESSIDA	Prophet may you be!
	If I be false, or swerve a hair from truth,
	When time is old and hath forgot itself,
	When waterdrops have worn the stones of Troy,
	And blind oblivion swallow'd cities up,
	And mighty states characterless are grated
	To dusty nothing, yet let memory,
	From false to false, among false maids in love,
	Upbraid my falsehood! when they've said 'as false
	As air, as water, wind, or sandy earth,
	As fox to lamb, as wolf to heifer's calf,
	Pard to the hind, or stepdame to her son,'
	'Yea,' let them say, to stick the heart of falsehood,
	'As false as Cressid.'

PANDARUS	Go to, a bargain made: seal it, seal it; I'll be the
	witness. Here I hold your hand, here my cousin's.
	If ever you prove false one to another, since I have
	taken such pains to bring you together, let all
	pitiful goers-between be called to the world's end
	after my name; call them all Pandars; let all
	constant men be Troiluses, all false women Cressids,
	and all brokers-between Pandars! say, amen.

TROILUS	Amen.

CRESSIDA	Amen.

PANDARUS	Amen. Whereupon I will show you a chamber with a
	bed; which bed, because it shall not speak of your
	pretty encounters, press it to death: away!
	And Cupid grant all tongue-tied maidens here
	Bed, chamber, Pandar to provide this gear!

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT III



SCENE III	The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.


	[Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, DIOMEDES, NESTOR, AJAX,
	MENELAUS, and CALCHAS]

CALCHAS	Now, princes, for the service I have done you,
	The advantage of the time prompts me aloud
	To call for recompense. Appear it to your mind
	That, through the sight I bear in things to love,
	I have abandon'd Troy, left my possession,
	Incurr'd a traitor's name; exposed myself,
	From certain and possess'd conveniences,
	To doubtful fortunes; sequestering from me all
	That time, acquaintance, custom and condition
	Made tame and most familiar to my nature,
	And here, to do you service, am become
	As new into the world, strange, unacquainted:
	I do beseech you, as in way of taste,
	To give me now a little benefit,
	Out of those many register'd in promise,
	Which, you say, live to come in my behalf.

AGAMEMNON	What wouldst thou of us, Trojan? make demand.

CALCHAS	You have a Trojan prisoner, call'd Antenor,
	Yesterday took: Troy holds him very dear.
	Oft have you--often have you thanks therefore--
	Desired my Cressid in right great exchange,
	Whom Troy hath still denied: but this Antenor,
	I know, is such a wrest in their affairs
	That their negotiations all must slack,
	Wanting his manage; and they will almost
	Give us a prince of blood, a son of Priam,
	In change of him: let him be sent, great princes,
	And he shall buy my daughter; and her presence
	Shall quite strike off all service I have done,
	In most accepted pain.

AGAMEMNON	Let Diomedes bear him,
	And bring us Cressid hither: Calchas shall have
	What he requests of us. Good Diomed,
	Furnish you fairly for this interchange:
	Withal bring word if Hector will to-morrow
	Be answer'd in his challenge: Ajax is ready.

DIOMEDES	This shall I undertake; and 'tis a burden
	Which I am proud to bear.

	[Exeunt DIOMEDES and CALCHAS]

	[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS, before their tent]

ULYSSES	Achilles stands i' the entrance of his tent:
	Please it our general to pass strangely by him,
	As if he were forgot; and, princes all,
	Lay negligent and loose regard upon him:
	I will come last. 'Tis like he'll question me
	Why such unplausive eyes are bent on him:
	If so, I have derision medicinable,
	To use between your strangeness and his pride,
	Which his own will shall have desire to drink:
	It may be good: pride hath no other glass
	To show itself but pride, for supple knees
	Feed arrogance and are the proud man's fees.

AGAMEMNON	We'll execute your purpose, and put on
	A form of strangeness as we pass along:
	So do each lord, and either greet him not,
	Or else disdainfully, which shall shake him more
	Than if not look'd on. I will lead the way.

ACHILLES	What, comes the general to speak with me?
	You know my mind, I'll fight no more 'gainst Troy.

AGAMEMNON	What says Achilles? would he aught with us?

NESTOR	Would you, my lord, aught with the general?

ACHILLES	No.

NESTOR	Nothing, my lord.

AGAMEMNON	The better.

	[Exeunt AGAMEMNON and NESTOR]

ACHILLES	Good day, good day.

MENELAUS	How do you? how do you?

	[Exit]

ACHILLES	What, does the cuckold scorn me?

AJAX	How now, Patroclus!

ACHILLES	Good morrow, Ajax.

AJAX	Ha?

ACHILLES	Good morrow.

AJAX	Ay, and good next day too.

	[Exit]

ACHILLES	What mean these fellows? Know they not Achilles?

PATROCLUS	They pass by strangely: they were used to bend
	To send their smiles before them to Achilles;
	To come as humbly as they used to creep
	To holy altars.

ACHILLES	                  What, am I poor of late?
	'Tis certain, greatness, once fall'n out with fortune,
	Must fall out with men too: what the declined is
	He shall as soon read in the eyes of others
	As feel in his own fall; for men, like butterflies,
	Show not their mealy wings but to the summer,
	And not a man, for being simply man,
	Hath any honour, but honour for those honours
	That are without him, as place, riches, favour,
	Prizes of accident as oft as merit:
	Which when they fall, as being slippery standers,
	The love that lean'd on them as slippery too,
	Do one pluck down another and together
	Die in the fall. But 'tis not so with me:
	Fortune and I are friends: I do enjoy
	At ample point all that I did possess,
	Save these men's looks; who do, methinks, find out
	Something not worth in me such rich beholding
	As they have often given. Here is Ulysses;
	I'll interrupt his reading.
	How now Ulysses!

ULYSSES	                  Now, great Thetis' son!

ACHILLES	What are you reading?

ULYSSES	A strange fellow here
	Writes me: 'That man, how dearly ever parted,
	How much in having, or without or in,
	Cannot make boast to have that which he hath,
	Nor feels not what he owes, but by reflection;
	As when his virtues shining upon others
	Heat them and they retort that heat again
	To the first giver.'

ACHILLES	This is not strange, Ulysses.
	The beauty that is borne here in the face
	The bearer knows not, but commends itself
	To others' eyes; nor doth the eye itself,
	That most pure spirit of sense, behold itself,
	Not going from itself; but eye to eye opposed
	Salutes each other with each other's form;
	For speculation turns not to itself,
	Till it hath travell'd and is mirror'd there
	Where it may see itself. This is not strange at all.

ULYSSES	I do not strain at the position,--
	It is familiar,--but at the author's drift;
	Who, in his circumstance, expressly proves
	That no man is the lord of any thing,
	Though in and of him there be much consisting,
	Till he communicate his parts to others:
	Nor doth he of himself know them for aught
	Till he behold them form'd in the applause
	Where they're extended; who, like an arch,
	reverberates
	The voice again, or, like a gate of steel
	Fronting the sun, receives and renders back
	His figure and his heat.  I was much wrapt in this;
	And apprehended here immediately
	The unknown Ajax.
	Heavens, what a man is there! a very horse,
	That has he knows not what. Nature, what things there are
	Most abject in regard and dear in use!
	What things again most dear in the esteem
	And poor in worth! Now shall we see to-morrow--
	An act that very chance doth throw upon him--
	Ajax renown'd. O heavens, what some men do,
	While some men leave to do!
	How some men creep in skittish fortune's hall,
	Whiles others play the idiots in her eyes!
	How one man eats into another's pride,
	While pride is fasting in his wantonness!
	To see these Grecian lords!--why, even already
	They clap the lubber Ajax on the shoulder,
	As if his foot were on brave Hector's breast
	And great Troy shrieking.

ACHILLES	I do believe it; for they pass'd by me
	As misers do by beggars, neither gave to me
	Good word nor look: what, are my deeds forgot?

ULYSSES	Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back,
	Wherein he puts alms for oblivion,
	A great-sized monster of ingratitudes:
	Those scraps are good deeds past; which are devour'd
	As fast as they are made, forgot as soon
	As done: perseverance, dear my lord,
	Keeps honour bright: to have done is to hang
	Quite out of fashion, like a rusty mail
	In monumental mockery. Take the instant way;
	For honour travels in a strait so narrow,
	Where one but goes abreast: keep then the path;
	For emulation hath a thousand sons
	That one by one pursue: if you give way,
	Or hedge aside from the direct forthright,
	Like to an enter'd tide, they all rush by
	And leave you hindmost;
	Or like a gallant horse fall'n in first rank,
	Lie there for pavement to the abject rear,
	O'er-run and trampled on: then what they do in present,
	Though less than yours in past, must o'ertop yours;
	For time is like a fashionable host
	That slightly shakes his parting guest by the hand,
	And with his arms outstretch'd, as he would fly,
	Grasps in the comer: welcome ever smiles,
	And farewell goes out sighing. O, let not
	virtue seek
	Remuneration for the thing it was;
	For beauty, wit,
	High birth, vigour of bone, desert in service,
	Love, friendship, charity, are subjects all
	To envious and calumniating time.
	One touch of nature makes the whole world kin,
	That all with one consent praise new-born gawds,
	Though they are made and moulded of things past,
	And give to dust that is a little gilt
	More laud than gilt o'er-dusted.
	The present eye praises the present object.
	Then marvel not, thou great and complete man,
	That all the Greeks begin to worship Ajax;
	Since things in motion sooner catch the eye
	Than what not stirs. The cry went once on thee,
	And still it might, and yet it may again,
	If thou wouldst not entomb thyself alive
	And case thy reputation in thy tent;
	Whose glorious deeds, but in these fields of late,
	Made emulous missions 'mongst the gods themselves
	And drave great Mars to faction.

ACHILLES	Of this my privacy
	I have strong reasons.

ULYSSES	But 'gainst your privacy
	The reasons are more potent and heroical:
	'Tis known, Achilles, that you are in love
	With one of Priam's daughters.

ACHILLES	Ha! known!

ULYSSES	Is that a wonder?
	The providence that's in a watchful state
	Knows almost every grain of Plutus' gold,
	Finds bottom in the uncomprehensive deeps,
	Keeps place with thought and almost, like the gods,
	Does thoughts unveil in their dumb cradles.
	There is a mystery--with whom relation
	Durst never meddle--in the soul of state;
	Which hath an operation more divine
	Than breath or pen can give expressure to:
	All the commerce that you have had with Troy
	As perfectly is ours as yours, my lord;
	And better would it fit Achilles much
	To throw down Hector than Polyxena:
	But it must grieve young Pyrrhus now at home,
	When fame shall in our islands sound her trump,
	And all the Greekish girls shall tripping sing,
	'Great Hector's sister did Achilles win,
	But our great Ajax bravely beat down him.'
	Farewell, my lord: I as your lover speak;
	The fool slides o'er the ice that you should break.

	[Exit]

PATROCLUS	To this effect, Achilles, have I moved you:
	A woman impudent and mannish grown
	Is not more loathed than an effeminate man
	In time of action. I stand condemn'd for this;
	They think my little stomach to the war
	And your great love to me restrains you thus:
	Sweet, rouse yourself; and the weak wanton Cupid
	Shall from your neck unloose his amorous fold,
	And, like a dew-drop from the lion's mane,
	Be shook to air.

ACHILLES	                  Shall Ajax fight with Hector?

PATROCLUS	Ay, and perhaps receive much honour by him.

ACHILLES	I see my reputation is at stake
	My fame is shrewdly gored.

PATROCLUS	O, then, beware;
	Those wounds heal ill that men do give themselves:
	Omission to do what is necessary
	Seals a commission to a blank of danger;
	And danger, like an ague, subtly taints
	Even then when we sit idly in the sun.

ACHILLES	Go call Thersites hither, sweet Patroclus:
	I'll send the fool to Ajax and desire him
	To invite the Trojan lords after the combat
	To see us here unarm'd: I have a woman's longing,
	An appetite that I am sick withal,
	To see great Hector in his weeds of peace,
	To talk with him and to behold his visage,
	Even to my full of view.

	[Enter THERSITES]

		   A labour saved!

THERSITES	A wonder!

ACHILLES	What?

THERSITES	Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself.

ACHILLES	How so?

THERSITES	He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so
	prophetically proud of an heroical cudgelling that he
	raves in saying nothing.

ACHILLES	How can that be?

THERSITES	Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock,--a stride
	and a stand: ruminates like an hostess that hath no
	arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning:
	bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should
	say 'There were wit in this head, an 'twould out;'
	and so there is, but it lies as coldly in him as fire
	in a flint, which will not show without knocking.
	The man's undone forever; for if Hector break not his
	neck i' the combat, he'll break 't himself in
	vain-glory. He knows not me: I said 'Good morrow,
	Ajax;' and he replies 'Thanks, Agamemnon.' What think
	you of this man that takes me for the general? He's
	grown a very land-fish, language-less, a monster.
	A plague of opinion! a man may wear it on both
	sides, like a leather jerkin.

ACHILLES	Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites.

THERSITES	Who, I? why, he'll answer nobody; he professes not
	answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his
	tongue in's arms. I will put on his presence: let
	Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the
	pageant of Ajax.

ACHILLES	To him, Patroclus; tell him I humbly desire the
	valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector
	to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure
	safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous
	and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured
	captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon,
	et cetera. Do this.

PATROCLUS	Jove bless great Ajax!

THERSITES	Hum!

PATROCLUS	I come from the worthy Achilles,--

THERSITES	Ha!

PATROCLUS	Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent,--

THERSITES	Hum!

PATROCLUS	And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon.

THERSITES	Agamemnon!

PATROCLUS	Ay, my lord.

THERSITES	Ha!

PATROCLUS	What say you to't?

THERSITES	God b' wi' you, with all my heart.

PATROCLUS	Your answer, sir.

THERSITES	If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will
	go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me
	ere he has me.

PATROCLUS	Your answer, sir.

THERSITES	Fare you well, with all my heart.

ACHILLES	Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?

THERSITES	No, but he's out o' tune thus. What music will be in
	him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know
	not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo
	get his sinews to make catlings on.

ACHILLES	Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight.

THERSITES	Let me bear another to his horse; for that's the more
	capable creature.

ACHILLES	My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirr'd;
	And I myself see not the bottom of it.

	[Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]

THERSITES	Would the fountain of your mind were clear again,
	that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a
	tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance.

	[Exit]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT IV



SCENE I	Troy. A street.


	[Enter, from one side, AENEAS, and Servant with a
	torch; from the other, PARIS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENOR,
	DIOMEDES, and others, with torches]

PARIS	See, ho! who is that there?

DEIPHOBUS	It is the Lord AEneas.

AENEAS	Is the prince there in person?
	Had I so good occasion to lie long
	As you, prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business
	Should rob my bed-mate of my company.

DIOMEDES	That's my mind too. Good morrow, Lord AEneas.

PARIS	A valiant Greek, AEneas,--take his hand,--
	Witness the process of your speech, wherein
	You told how Diomed, a whole week by days,
	Did haunt you in the field.

AENEAS	Health to you, valiant sir,
	During all question of the gentle truce;
	But when I meet you arm'd, as black defiance
	As heart can think or courage execute.

DIOMEDES	The one and other Diomed embraces.
	Our bloods are now in calm; and, so long, health!
	But when contention and occasion meet,
	By Jove, I'll play the hunter for thy life
	With all my force, pursuit and policy.

AENEAS	And thou shalt hunt a lion, that will fly
	With his face backward. In humane gentleness,
	Welcome to Troy! now, by Anchises' life,
	Welcome, indeed! By Venus' hand I swear,
	No man alive can love in such a sort
	The thing he means to kill more excellently.

DIOMEDES	We sympathize: Jove, let AEneas live,
	If to my sword his fate be not the glory,
	A thousand complete courses of the sun!
	But, in mine emulous honour, let him die,
	With every joint a wound, and that to-morrow!

AENEAS	We know each other well.

DIOMEDES	We do; and long to know each other worse.

PARIS	This is the most despiteful gentle greeting,
	The noblest hateful love, that e'er I heard of.
	What business, lord, so early?

AENEAS	I was sent for to the king; but why, I know not.

PARIS	His purpose meets you: 'twas to bring this Greek
	To Calchas' house, and there to render him,
	For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid:
	Let's have your company, or, if you please,
	Haste there before us: I constantly do think--
	Or rather, call my thought a certain knowledge--
	My brother Troilus lodges there to-night:
	Rouse him and give him note of our approach.
	With the whole quality wherefore: I fear
	We shall be much unwelcome.

AENEAS	That I assure you:
	Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece
	Than Cressid borne from Troy.

PARIS	There is no help;
	The bitter disposition of the time
	Will have it so. On, lord; we'll follow you.

AENEAS	Good morrow, all.

	[Exit with Servant]

PARIS	And tell me, noble Diomed, faith, tell me true,
	Even in the soul of sound good-fellowship,
	Who, in your thoughts, merits fair Helen best,
	Myself or Menelaus?

DIOMEDES	Both alike:
	He merits well to have her, that doth seek her,
	Not making any scruple of her soilure,
	With such a hell of pain and world of charge,
	And you as well to keep her, that defend her,
	Not palating the taste of her dishonour,
	With such a costly loss of wealth and friends:
	He, like a puling cuckold, would drink up
	The lees and dregs of a flat tamed piece;
	You, like a lecher, out of whorish loins
	Are pleased to breed out your inheritors:
	Both merits poised, each weighs nor less nor more;
	But he as he, the heavier for a whore.

PARIS	You are too bitter to your countrywoman.

DIOMEDES	She's bitter to her country: hear me, Paris:
	For every false drop in her bawdy veins
	A Grecian's life hath sunk; for every scruple
	Of her contaminated carrion weight,
	A Trojan hath been slain: since she could speak,
	She hath not given so many good words breath
	As for her Greeks and Trojans suffer'd death.

PARIS	Fair Diomed, you do as chapmen do,
	Dispraise the thing that you desire to buy:
	But we in silence hold this virtue well,
	We'll but commend what we intend to sell.
	Here lies our way.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT IV



SCENE II	The same. Court of Pandarus' house.


	[Enter TROILUS and CRESSIDA]

TROILUS	Dear, trouble not yourself: the morn is cold.

CRESSIDA	Then, sweet my lord, I'll call mine uncle down;
	He shall unbolt the gates.

TROILUS	Trouble him not;
	To bed, to bed: sleep kill those pretty eyes,
	And give as soft attachment to thy senses
	As infants' empty of all thought!

CRESSIDA	Good morrow, then.

TROILUS	I prithee now, to bed.

CRESSIDA	Are you a-weary of me?

TROILUS	O Cressida! but that the busy day,
	Waked by the lark, hath roused the ribald crows,
	And dreaming night will hide our joys no longer,
	I would not from thee.

CRESSIDA	Night hath been too brief.

TROILUS	Beshrew the witch! with venomous wights she stays
	As tediously as hell, but flies the grasps of love
	With wings more momentary-swift than thought.
	You will catch cold, and curse me.

CRESSIDA	Prithee, tarry:
	You men will never tarry.
	O foolish Cressid! I might have still held off,
	And then you would have tarried. Hark!
	there's one up.

PANDARUS	[Within]  What, 's all the doors open here?

TROILUS	It is your uncle.

CRESSIDA	A pestilence on him! now will he be mocking:
	I shall have such a life!

	[Enter PANDARUS]

PANDARUS	How now, how now! how go maidenheads? Here, you
	maid! where's my cousin Cressid?

CRESSIDA	Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle!
	You bring me to do, and then you flout me too.

PANDARUS	To do what? to do what? let her say
	what: what have I brought you to do?

CRESSIDA	Come, come, beshrew your heart! you'll ne'er be good,
	Nor suffer others.

PANDARUS	Ha! ha! Alas, poor wretch! ah, poor capocchia!
	hast not slept to-night? would he not, a naughty
	man, let it sleep? a bugbear take him!

CRESSIDA	Did not I tell you? Would he were knock'd i' the head!

	[Knocking within]

	Who's that at door? good uncle, go and see.
	My lord, come you again into my chamber:
	You smile and mock me, as if I meant naughtily.

TROILUS	Ha, ha!

CRESSIDA	Come, you are deceived, I think of no such thing.

	[Knocking within]

	How earnestly they knock! Pray you, come in:
	I would not for half Troy have you seen here.

	[Exeunt TROILUS and CRESSIDA]

PANDARUS	Who's there? what's the matter? will you beat
	down the door? How now! what's the matter?

	[Enter AENEAS]

AENEAS	Good morrow, lord, good morrow.

PANDARUS	Who's there? my Lord AEneas! By my troth,
	I knew you not: what news with you so early?

AENEAS	Is not Prince Troilus here?

PANDARUS	Here! what should he do here?

AENEAS	Come, he is here, my lord; do not deny him:
	It doth import him much to speak with me.

PANDARUS	Is he here, say you? 'tis more than I know, I'll
	be sworn: for my own part, I came in late. What
	should he do here?

AENEAS	Who!--nay, then: come, come, you'll do him wrong
	ere you're ware: you'll be so true to him, to be
	false to him: do not you know of him, but yet go
	fetch him hither; go.

	[Re-enter TROILUS]

TROILUS	How now! what's the matter?

AENEAS	My lord, I scarce have leisure to salute you,
	My matter is so rash: there is at hand
	Paris your brother, and Deiphobus,
	The Grecian Diomed, and our Antenor
	Deliver'd to us; and for him forthwith,
	Ere the first sacrifice, within this hour,
	We must give up to Diomedes' hand
	The Lady Cressida.

TROILUS	                  Is it so concluded?

AENEAS	By Priam and the general state of Troy:
	They are at hand and ready to effect it.

TROILUS	How my achievements mock me!
	I will go meet them: and, my Lord AEneas,
	We met by chance; you did not find me here.

AENEAS	Good, good, my lord; the secrets of nature
	Have not more gift in taciturnity.

	[Exeunt TROILUS and AENEAS]

PANDARUS	Is't possible? no sooner got but lost? The devil
	take Antenor! the young prince will go mad: a
	plague upon Antenor! I would they had broke 's neck!

	[Re-enter CRESSIDA]

CRESSIDA	How now! what's the matter? who was here?

PANDARUS	Ah, ah!

CRESSIDA	Why sigh you so profoundly? where's my lord? gone!
	Tell me, sweet uncle, what's the matter?

PANDARUS	Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above!

CRESSIDA	O the gods! what's the matter?

PANDARUS	Prithee, get thee in: would thou hadst ne'er been
	born! I knew thou wouldst be his death. O, poor
	gentleman! A plague upon Antenor!

CRESSIDA	Good uncle, I beseech you, on my knees! beseech you,
	what's the matter?

PANDARUS	Thou must be gone, wench, thou must be gone; thou
	art changed for Antenor: thou must to thy father,
	and be gone from Troilus: 'twill be his death;
	'twill be his bane; he cannot bear it.

CRESSIDA	O you immortal gods! I will not go.

PANDARUS	Thou must.

CRESSIDA	I will not, uncle: I have forgot my father;
	I know no touch of consanguinity;
	No kin no love, no blood, no soul so near me
	As the sweet Troilus. O you gods divine!
	Make Cressid's name the very crown of falsehood,
	If ever she leave Troilus! Time, force, and death,
	Do to this body what extremes you can;
	But the strong base and building of my love
	Is as the very centre of the earth,
	Drawing all things to it. I'll go in and weep,--

PANDARUS	Do, do.

CRESSIDA	Tear my bright hair and scratch my praised cheeks,
	Crack my clear voice with sobs and break my heart
	With sounding Troilus. I will not go from Troy.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT IV



SCENE III	The same. Street before Pandarus' house.


	[Enter PARIS, TROILUS, AENEAS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENOR,
	and DIOMEDES]

PARIS	It is great morning, and the hour prefix'd
	Of her delivery to this valiant Greek
	Comes fast upon. Good my brother Troilus,
	Tell you the lady what she is to do,
	And haste her to the purpose.

TROILUS	Walk into her house;
	I'll bring her to the Grecian presently:
	And to his hand when I deliver her,
	Think it an altar, and thy brother Troilus
	A priest there offering to it his own heart.

	[Exit]

PARIS	I know what 'tis to love;
	And would, as I shall pity, I could help!
	Please you walk in, my lords.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT IV



SCENE IV	The same. Pandarus' house.


	[Enter PANDARUS and CRESSIDA]

PANDARUS	Be moderate, be moderate.

CRESSIDA	Why tell you me of moderation?
	The grief is fine, full, perfect, that I taste,
	And violenteth in a sense as strong
	As that which causeth it: how can I moderate it?
	If I could temporize with my affection,
	Or brew it to a weak and colder palate,
	The like allayment could I give my grief.
	My love admits no qualifying dross;
	No more my grief, in such a precious loss.

PANDARUS	Here, here, here he comes.

	[Enter TROILUS]

	Ah, sweet ducks!

CRESSIDA	O Troilus! Troilus!

	[Embracing him]

PANDARUS	What a pair of spectacles is here!
	Let me embrace too. 'O heart,' as the goodly saying is,
	'--O heart, heavy heart,
	Why sigh'st thou without breaking?
	where he answers again,
	'Because thou canst not ease thy smart
	By friendship nor by speaking.'
	There was never a truer rhyme. Let us cast away
	nothing, for we may live to have need of such a
	verse: we see it, we see it. How now, lambs?

TROILUS	Cressid, I love thee in so strain'd a purity,
	That the bless'd gods, as angry with my fancy,
	More bright in zeal than the devotion which
	Cold lips blow to their deities, take thee from me.

CRESSIDA	Have the gods envy?

PANDARUS	Ay, ay, ay, ay; 'tis too plain a case.

CRESSIDA	And is it true that I must go from Troy?

TROILUS	A hateful truth.

CRESSIDA	                  What, and from Troilus too?

TROILUS	From Troy and Troilus.

CRESSIDA	Is it possible?

TROILUS	And suddenly; where injury of chance
	Puts back leave-taking, justles roughly by
	All time of pause, rudely beguiles our lips
	Of all rejoindure, forcibly prevents
	Our lock'd embrasures, strangles our dear vows
	Even in the birth of our own labouring breath:
	We two, that with so many thousand sighs
	Did buy each other, must poorly sell ourselves
	With the rude brevity and discharge of one.
	Injurious time now with a robber's haste
	Crams his rich thievery up, he knows not how:
	As many farewells as be stars in heaven,
	With distinct breath and consign'd kisses to them,
	He fumbles up into a lose adieu,
	And scants us with a single famish'd kiss,
	Distasted with the salt of broken tears.

AENEAS	[Within]  My lord, is the lady ready?

TROILUS	Hark! you are call'd: some say the Genius so
	Cries 'come' to him that instantly must die.
	Bid them have patience; she shall come anon.

PANDARUS	Where are my tears? rain, to lay this wind, or
	my heart will be blown up by the root.

	[Exit]

CRESSIDA	I must then to the Grecians?

TROILUS	No remedy.

CRESSIDA	A woful Cressid 'mongst the merry Greeks!
	When shall we see again?

TROILUS	Hear me, my love: be thou but true of heart,--

CRESSIDA	I true! how now! what wicked deem is this?

TROILUS	Nay, we must use expostulation kindly,
	For it is parting from us:
	I speak not 'be thou true,' as fearing thee,
	For I will throw my glove to Death himself,
	That there's no maculation in thy heart:
	But 'be thou true,' say I, to fashion in
	My sequent protestation; be thou true,
	And I will see thee.

CRESSIDA	O, you shall be exposed, my lord, to dangers
	As infinite as imminent! but I'll be true.

TROILUS	And I'll grow friend with danger. Wear this sleeve.

CRESSIDA	And you this glove. When shall I see you?

TROILUS	I will corrupt the Grecian sentinels,
	To give thee nightly visitation.
	But yet be true.

CRESSIDA	                  O heavens! 'be true' again!

TROILUS	Hear while I speak it, love:
	The Grecian youths are full of quality;
	They're loving, well composed with gifts of nature,
	Flowing and swelling o'er with arts and exercise:
	How novelty may move, and parts with person,
	Alas, a kind of godly jealousy--
	Which, I beseech you, call a virtuous sin--
	Makes me afeard.

CRESSIDA	                  O heavens! you love me not.

TROILUS	Die I a villain, then!
	In this I do not call your faith in question
	So mainly as my merit: I cannot sing,
	Nor heel the high lavolt, nor sweeten talk,
	Nor play at subtle games; fair virtues all,
	To which the Grecians are most prompt and pregnant:
	But I can tell that in each grace of these
	There lurks a still and dumb-discoursive devil
	That tempts most cunningly: but be not tempted.

CRESSIDA	Do you think I will?

TROILUS	No.
	But something may be done that we will not:
	And sometimes we are devils to ourselves,
	When we will tempt the frailty of our powers,
	Presuming on their changeful potency.

AENEAS	[Within]  Nay, good my lord,--

TROILUS	Come, kiss; and let us part.

PARIS	[Within]  Brother Troilus!

TROILUS	Good brother, come you hither;
	And bring AEneas and the Grecian with you.

CRESSIDA	My lord, will you be true?

TROILUS	Who, I? alas, it is my vice, my fault:
	Whiles others fish with craft for great opinion,
	I with great truth catch mere simplicity;
	Whilst some with cunning gild their copper crowns,
	With truth and plainness I do wear mine bare.
	Fear not my truth: the moral of my wit
	Is 'plain and true;' there's all the reach of it.

	[Enter AENEAS, PARIS, ANTENOR, DEIPHOBUS,
	and DIOMEDES]

	Welcome, Sir Diomed! here is the lady
	Which for Antenor we deliver you:
	At the port, lord, I'll give her to thy hand,
	And by the way possess thee what she is.
	Entreat her fair; and, by my soul, fair Greek,
	If e'er thou stand at mercy of my sword,
	Name Cressida and thy life shall be as safe
	As Priam is in Ilion.

DIOMEDES	Fair Lady Cressid,
	So please you, save the thanks this prince expects:
	The lustre in your eye, heaven in your cheek,
	Pleads your fair usage; and to Diomed
	You shall be mistress, and command him wholly.

TROILUS	Grecian, thou dost not use me courteously,
	To shame the zeal of my petition to thee
	In praising her: I tell thee, lord of Greece,
	She is as far high-soaring o'er thy praises
	As thou unworthy to be call'd her servant.
	I charge thee use her well, even for my charge;
	For, by the dreadful Pluto, if thou dost not,
	Though the great bulk Achilles be thy guard,
	I'll cut thy throat.

DIOMEDES	O, be not moved, Prince Troilus:
	Let me be privileged by my place and message,
	To be a speaker free; when I am hence
	I'll answer to my lust: and know you, lord,
	I'll nothing do on charge: to her own worth
	She shall be prized; but that you say 'be't so,'
	I'll speak it in my spirit and honour, 'no.'

TROILUS	Come, to the port. I'll tell thee, Diomed,
	This brave shall oft make thee to hide thy head.
	Lady, give me your hand, and, as we walk,
	To our own selves bend we our needful talk.

	[Exeunt TROILUS, CRESSIDA, and DIOMEDES]

	[Trumpet within]

PARIS	Hark! Hector's trumpet.

AENEAS	How have we spent this morning!
	The prince must think me tardy and remiss,
	That sore to ride before him to the field.

PARIS	'Tis Troilus' fault: come, come, to field with him.

DEIPHOBUS	Let us make ready straight.

AENEAS	Yea, with a bridegroom's fresh alacrity,
	Let us address to tend on Hector's heels:
	The glory of our Troy doth this day lie
	On his fair worth and single chivalry.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT IV



SCENE V	The Grecian camp. Lists set out.


	[Enter AJAX, armed; AGAMEMNON, ACHILLES, PATROCLUS,
	MENELAUS, ULYSSES, NESTOR, and others]

AGAMEMNON	Here art thou in appointment fresh and fair,
	Anticipating time with starting courage.
	Give with thy trumpet a loud note to Troy,
	Thou dreadful Ajax; that the appalled air
	May pierce the head of the great combatant
	And hale him hither.

AJAX	Thou, trumpet, there's my purse.
	Now crack thy lungs, and split thy brazen pipe:
	Blow, villain, till thy sphered bias cheek
	Outswell the colic of puff'd Aquilon:
	Come, stretch thy chest and let thy eyes spout blood;
	Thou blow'st for Hector.

	[Trumpet sounds]

ULYSSES	No trumpet answers.

ACHILLES	'Tis but early days.

AGAMEMNON	Is not yond Diomed, with Calchas' daughter?

ULYSSES	'Tis he, I ken the manner of his gait;
	He rises on the toe: that spirit of his
	In aspiration lifts him from the earth.

	[Enter DIOMEDES, with CRESSIDA]

AGAMEMNON	Is this the Lady Cressid?

DIOMEDES	Even she.

AGAMEMNON	Most dearly welcome to the Greeks, sweet lady.

NESTOR	Our general doth salute you with a kiss.

ULYSSES	Yet is the kindness but particular;
	'Twere better she were kiss'd in general.

NESTOR	And very courtly counsel: I'll begin.
	So much for Nestor.

ACHILLES	I'll take what winter from your lips, fair lady:
	Achilles bids you welcome.

MENELAUS	I had good argument for kissing once.

PATROCLUS	But that's no argument for kissing now;
	For this popp'd Paris in his hardiment,
	And parted thus you and your argument.

ULYSSES	O deadly gall, and theme of all our scorns!
	For which we lose our heads to gild his horns.

PATROCLUS	The first was Menelaus' kiss; this, mine:
	Patroclus kisses you.

MENELAUS	O, this is trim!

PATROCLUS	Paris and I kiss evermore for him.

MENELAUS	I'll have my kiss, sir. Lady, by your leave.

CRESSIDA	In kissing, do you render or receive?

PATROCLUS	Both take and give.

CRESSIDA	I'll make my match to live,
	The kiss you take is better than you give;
	Therefore no kiss.

MENELAUS	I'll give you boot, I'll give you three for one.

CRESSIDA	You're an odd man; give even or give none.

MENELAUS	An odd man, lady! every man is odd.

CRESSIDA	No, Paris is not; for you know 'tis true,
	That you are odd, and he is even with you.

MENELAUS	You fillip me o' the head.

CRESSIDA	No, I'll be sworn.

ULYSSES	It were no match, your nail against his horn.
	May I, sweet lady, beg a kiss of you?

CRESSIDA	You may.

ULYSSES	       I do desire it.

CRESSIDA	Why, beg, then.

ULYSSES	Why then for Venus' sake, give me a kiss,
	When Helen is a maid again, and his.

CRESSIDA	I am your debtor, claim it when 'tis due.

ULYSSES	Never's my day, and then a kiss of you.

DIOMEDES	Lady, a word: I'll bring you to your father.

	[Exit with CRESSIDA]

NESTOR	A woman of quick sense.

ULYSSES	Fie, fie upon her!
	There's language in her eye, her cheek, her lip,
	Nay, her foot speaks; her wanton spirits look out
	At every joint and motive of her body.
	O, these encounterers, so glib of tongue,
	That give accosting welcome ere it comes,
	And wide unclasp the tables of their thoughts
	To every ticklish reader! set them down
	For sluttish spoils of opportunity
	And daughters of the game.

	[Trumpet within]

ALL	The Trojans' trumpet.

AGAMEMNON	Yonder comes the troop.

	[Enter HECTOR, armed; AENEAS, TROILUS, and other
	Trojans, with Attendants]

AENEAS	Hail, all you state of Greece! what shall be done
	To him that victory commands? or do you purpose
	A victor shall be known? will you the knights
	Shall to the edge of all extremity
	Pursue each other, or shall be divided
	By any voice or order of the field?
	Hector bade ask.

AGAMEMNON	Which way would Hector have it?

AENEAS	He cares not; he'll obey conditions.

ACHILLES	'Tis done like Hector; but securely done,
	A little proudly, and great deal misprizing
	The knight opposed.

AENEAS	If not Achilles, sir,
	What is your name?

ACHILLES	                  If not Achilles, nothing.

AENEAS	Therefore Achilles: but, whate'er, know this:
	In the extremity of great and little,
	Valour and pride excel themselves in Hector;
	The one almost as infinite as all,
	The other blank as nothing. Weigh him well,
	And that which looks like pride is courtesy.
	This Ajax is half made of Hector's blood:
	In love whereof, half Hector stays at home;
	Half heart, half hand, half Hector comes to seek
	This blended knight, half Trojan and half Greek.

ACHILLES	A maiden battle, then? O, I perceive you.

	[Re-enter DIOMEDES]

AGAMEMNON	Here is Sir Diomed. Go, gentle knight,
	Stand by our Ajax: as you and Lord AEneas
	Consent upon the order of their fight,
	So be it; either to the uttermost,
	Or else a breath: the combatants being kin
	Half stints their strife before their strokes begin.

	[AJAX and HECTOR enter the lists]

ULYSSES	They are opposed already.

AGAMEMNON	What Trojan is that same that looks so heavy?

ULYSSES	The youngest son of Priam, a true knight,
	Not yet mature, yet matchless, firm of word,
	Speaking in deeds and deedless in his tongue;
	Not soon provoked nor being provoked soon calm'd:
	His heart and hand both open and both free;
	For what he has he gives, what thinks he shows;
	Yet gives he not till judgment guide his bounty,
	Nor dignifies an impure thought with breath;
	Manly as Hector, but more dangerous;
	For Hector in his blaze of wrath subscribes
	To tender objects, but he in heat of action
	Is more vindicative than jealous love:
	They call him Troilus, and on him erect
	A second hope, as fairly built as Hector.
	Thus says AEneas; one that knows the youth
	Even to his inches, and with private soul
	Did in great Ilion thus translate him to me.

	[Alarum. Hector and Ajax fight]

AGAMEMNON	They are in action.

NESTOR	Now, Ajax, hold thine own!

TROILUS	Hector, thou sleep'st;
	Awake thee!

AGAMEMNON	His blows are well disposed: there, Ajax!

DIOMEDES	You must no more.

	[Trumpets cease]

AENEAS	                  Princes, enough, so please you.

AJAX	I am not warm yet; let us fight again.

DIOMEDES	As Hector pleases.

HECTOR	                  Why, then will I no more:
	Thou art, great lord, my father's sister's son,
	A cousin-german to great Priam's seed;
	The obligation of our blood forbids
	A gory emulation 'twixt us twain:
	Were thy commixtion Greek and Trojan so
	That thou couldst say 'This hand is Grecian all,
	And this is Trojan; the sinews of this leg
	All Greek, and this all Troy; my mother's blood
	Runs on the dexter cheek, and this sinister
	Bounds in my father's;' by Jove multipotent,
	Thou shouldst not bear from me a Greekish member
	Wherein my sword had not impressure made
	Of our rank feud: but the just gods gainsay
	That any drop thou borrow'dst from thy mother,
	My sacred aunt, should by my mortal sword
	Be drain'd! Let me embrace thee, Ajax:
	By him that thunders, thou hast lusty arms;
	Hector would have them fall upon him thus:
	Cousin, all honour to thee!

AJAX	I thank thee, Hector
	Thou art too gentle and too free a man:
	I came to kill thee, cousin, and bear hence
	A great addition earned in thy death.

HECTOR	Not Neoptolemus so mirable,
	On whose bright crest Fame with her loud'st Oyes
	Cries 'This is he,' could promise to himself
	A thought of added honour torn from Hector.

AENEAS	There is expectance here from both the sides,
	What further you will do.

HECTOR	We'll answer it;
	The issue is embracement: Ajax, farewell.

AJAX	If I might in entreaties find success--
	As seld I have the chance--I would desire
	My famous cousin to our Grecian tents.

DIOMEDES	'Tis Agamemnon's wish, and great Achilles
	Doth long to see unarm'd the valiant Hector.

HECTOR	AEneas, call my brother Troilus to me,
	And signify this loving interview
	To the expecters of our Trojan part;
	Desire them home. Give me thy hand, my cousin;
	I will go eat with thee and see your knights.

AJAX	Great Agamemnon comes to meet us here.

HECTOR	The worthiest of them tell me name by name;
	But for Achilles, mine own searching eyes
	Shall find him by his large and portly size.

AGAMEMNON	Worthy of arms! as welcome as to one
	That would be rid of such an enemy;
	But that's no welcome: understand more clear,
	What's past and what's to come is strew'd with husks
	And formless ruin of oblivion;
	But in this extant moment, faith and troth,
	Strain'd purely from all hollow bias-drawing,
	Bids thee, with most divine integrity,
	From heart of very heart, great Hector, welcome.

HECTOR	I thank thee, most imperious Agamemnon.

AGAMEMNON	[To TROILUS]  My well-famed lord of Troy, no
	less to you.

MENELAUS	Let me confirm my princely brother's greeting:
	You brace of warlike brothers, welcome hither.

HECTOR	Who must we answer?

AENEAS	The noble Menelaus.

HECTOR	O, you, my lord? by Mars his gauntlet, thanks!
	Mock not, that I affect the untraded oath;
	Your quondam wife swears still by Venus' glove:
	She's well, but bade me not commend her to you.

MENELAUS	Name her not now, sir; she's a deadly theme.

HECTOR	O, pardon; I offend.

NESTOR	I have, thou gallant Trojan, seen thee oft
	Labouring for destiny make cruel way
	Through ranks of Greekish youth, and I have seen thee,
	As hot as Perseus, spur thy Phrygian steed,
	Despising many forfeits and subduements,
	When thou hast hung thy advanced sword i' the air,
	Not letting it decline on the declined,
	That I have said to some my standers by
	'Lo, Jupiter is yonder, dealing life!'
	And I have seen thee pause and take thy breath,
	When that a ring of Greeks have hemm'd thee in,
	Like an Olympian wrestling: this have I seen;
	But this thy countenance, still lock'd in steel,
	I never saw till now. I knew thy grandsire,
	And once fought with him: he was a soldier good;
	But, by great Mars, the captain of us all,
	Never saw like thee. Let an old man embrace thee;
	And, worthy warrior, welcome to our tents.

AENEAS	'Tis the old Nestor.

HECTOR	Let me embrace thee, good old chronicle,
	That hast so long walk'd hand in hand with time:
	Most reverend Nestor, I am glad to clasp thee.

NESTOR	I would my arms could match thee in contention,
	As they contend with thee in courtesy.

HECTOR	I would they could.

NESTOR	Ha!
	By this white beard, I'ld fight with thee to-morrow.
	Well, welcome, welcome! I have seen the time.

ULYSSES	I wonder now how yonder city stands
	When we have here her base and pillar by us.

HECTOR	I know your favour, Lord Ulysses, well.
	Ah, sir, there's many a Greek and Trojan dead,
	Since first I saw yourself and Diomed
	In Ilion, on your Greekish embassy.

ULYSSES	Sir, I foretold you then what would ensue:
	My prophecy is but half his journey yet;
	For yonder walls, that pertly front your town,
	Yond towers, whose wanton tops do buss the clouds,
	Must kiss their own feet.

HECTOR	I must not believe you:
	There they stand yet, and modestly I think,
	The fall of every Phrygian stone will cost
	A drop of Grecian blood: the end crowns all,
	And that old common arbitrator, Time,
	Will one day end it.

ULYSSES	So to him we leave it.
	Most gentle and most valiant Hector, welcome:
	After the general, I beseech you next
	To feast with me and see me at my tent.

ACHILLES	I shall forestall thee, Lord Ulysses, thou!
	Now, Hector, I have fed mine eyes on thee;
	I have with exact view perused thee, Hector,
	And quoted joint by joint.

HECTOR	Is this Achilles?

ACHILLES	I am Achilles.

HECTOR	Stand fair, I pray thee: let me look on thee.

ACHILLES	Behold thy fill.

HECTOR	                  Nay, I have done already.

ACHILLES	Thou art too brief: I will the second time,
	As I would buy thee, view thee limb by limb.

HECTOR	O, like a book of sport thou'lt read me o'er;
	But there's more in me than thou understand'st.
	Why dost thou so oppress me with thine eye?

ACHILLES	Tell me, you heavens, in which part of his body
	Shall I destroy him? whether there, or there, or there?
	That I may give the local wound a name
	And make distinct the very breach whereout
	Hector's great spirit flew: answer me, heavens!

HECTOR	It would discredit the blest gods, proud man,
	To answer such a question: stand again:
	Think'st thou to catch my life so pleasantly
	As to prenominate in nice conjecture
	Where thou wilt hit me dead?

ACHILLES	I tell thee, yea.

HECTOR	Wert thou an oracle to tell me so,
	I'd not believe thee. Henceforth guard thee well;
	For I'll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there;
	But, by the forge that stithied Mars his helm,
	I'll kill thee every where, yea, o'er and o'er.
	You wisest Grecians, pardon me this brag;
	His insolence draws folly from my lips;
	But I'll endeavour deeds to match these words,
	Or may I never--

AJAX	                  Do not chafe thee, cousin:
	And you, Achilles, let these threats alone,
	Till accident or purpose bring you to't:
	You may have every day enough of Hector
	If you have stomach; the general state, I fear,
	Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.

HECTOR	I pray you, let us see you in the field:
	We have had pelting wars, since you refused
	The Grecians' cause.

ACHILLES	Dost thou entreat me, Hector?
	To-morrow do I meet thee, fell as death;
	To-night all friends.

HECTOR	Thy hand upon that match.

AGAMEMNON	First, all you peers of Greece, go to my tent;
	There in the full convive we: afterwards,
	As Hector's leisure and your bounties shall
	Concur together, severally entreat him.
	Beat loud the tabourines, let the trumpets blow,
	That this great soldier may his welcome know.

	[Exeunt all except TROILUS and ULYSSES]

TROILUS	My Lord Ulysses, tell me, I beseech you,
	In what place of the field doth Calchas keep?

ULYSSES	At Menelaus' tent, most princely Troilus:
	There Diomed doth feast with him to-night;
	Who neither looks upon the heaven nor earth,
	But gives all gaze and bent of amorous view
	On the fair Cressid.

TROILUS	Shall sweet lord, be bound to you so much,
	After we part from Agamemnon's tent,
	To bring me thither?

ULYSSES	You shall command me, sir.
	As gentle tell me, of what honour was
	This Cressida in Troy? Had she no lover there
	That wails her absence?


TROILUS	O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars
	A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord?
	She was beloved, she loved; she is, and doth:
	But still sweet love is food for fortune's tooth.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE I	The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.


	[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]

ACHILLES	I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
	Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.
	Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.

PATROCLUS	Here comes Thersites.

	[Enter THERSITES]

ACHILLES	How now, thou core of envy!
	Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?

THERSITES	Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
	of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee.

ACHILLES	From whence, fragment?

THERSITES	Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.

PATROCLUS	Who keeps the tent now?

THERSITES	The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.

PATROCLUS	Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?

THERSITES	Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
	thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.

PATROCLUS	Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?

THERSITES	Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
	of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
	loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
	palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
	lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
	limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
	rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
	again such preposterous discoveries!

PATROCLUS	Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest
	thou to curse thus?

THERSITES	Do I curse thee?

PATROCLUS	Why no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
	indistinguishable cur, no.

THERSITES	No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
	immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
	flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
	purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
	with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!

PATROCLUS	Out, gall!

THERSITES	Finch-egg!

ACHILLES	My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
	From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
	Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
	A token from her daughter, my fair love,
	Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
	An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
	Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay;
	My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.
	Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent:
	This night in banqueting must all be spent.
	Away, Patroclus!

	[Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]

THERSITES	With too much blood and too little brain, these two
	may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
	little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
	Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
	that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
	earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter
	there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue,
	and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
	shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
	leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded
	with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
	To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to
	an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a
	dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an
	owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
	not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire
	against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I
	were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse
	of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day!
	spirits and fires!

	[Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,
	NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights]

AGAMEMNON	We go wrong, we go wrong.

AJAX	No, yonder 'tis;
	There, where we see the lights.

HECTOR	I trouble you.

AJAX	No, not a whit.

ULYSSES	                  Here comes himself to guide you.

	[Re-enter ACHILLES]

ACHILLES	Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.

AGAMEMNON	So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
	Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.

HECTOR	Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general.

MENELAUS	Good night, my lord.

HECTOR	Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.

THERSITES	Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
	sweet sewer.

ACHILLES	Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
	That go or tarry.

AGAMEMNON	Good night.

	[Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS]

ACHILLES	Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,
	Keep Hector company an hour or two.

DIOMEDES	I cannot, lord; I have important business,
	The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.

HECTOR	Give me your hand.

ULYSSES	[Aside to TROILUS]  Follow his torch; he goes to
	Calchas' tent:
	I'll keep you company.

TROILUS	Sweet sir, you honour me.

HECTOR	And so, good night.

	[Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following]

ACHILLES	Come, come, enter my tent.

	[Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR]

THERSITES	That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
	unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
	than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
	his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
	but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
	is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
	borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
	word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than
	not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan
	drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll
	after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!

	[Exit]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE II	The same. Before Calchas' tent.


	[Enter DIOMEDES]

DIOMEDES	What, are you up here, ho? speak.

CALCHAS	[Within]  Who calls?

DIOMEDES	Calchas, I think. Where's your daughter?

CALCHAS	[Within]  She comes to you.

	[Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance;
	after them, THERSITES]

ULYSSES	Stand where the torch may not discover us.

	[Enter CRESSIDA]

TROILUS	Cressid comes forth to him.

DIOMEDES	How now, my charge!

CRESSIDA	Now, my sweet guardian! Hark, a word with you.

	[Whispers]

TROILUS	Yea, so familiar!

ULYSSES	She will sing any man at first sight.

THERSITES	And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff;
	she's noted.

DIOMEDES	Will you remember?

CRESSIDA	Remember! yes.

DIOMEDES	Nay, but do, then;
	And let your mind be coupled with your words.

TROILUS	What should she remember?

ULYSSES	List.

CRESSIDA	Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly.

THERSITES	Roguery!

DIOMEDES	Nay, then,--

CRESSIDA	I'll tell you what,--

DIOMEDES	Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are forsworn.

CRESSIDA	In faith, I cannot: what would you have me do?

THERSITES	A juggling trick,--to be secretly open.

DIOMEDES	What did you swear you would bestow on me?

CRESSIDA	I prithee, do not hold me to mine oath;
	Bid me do any thing but that, sweet Greek.

DIOMEDES	Good night.

TROILUS	Hold, patience!

ULYSSES	How now, Trojan!

CRESSIDA	Diomed,--

DIOMEDES	No, no, good night: I'll be your fool no more.

TROILUS	Thy better must.

CRESSIDA	Hark, one word in your ear.

TROILUS	O plague and madness!

ULYSSES	You are moved, prince; let us depart, I pray you,
	Lest your displeasure should enlarge itself
	To wrathful terms: this place is dangerous;
	The time right deadly; I beseech you, go.

TROILUS	Behold, I pray you!

ULYSSES	Nay, good my lord, go off:
	You flow to great distraction; come, my lord.

TROILUS	I pray thee, stay.

ULYSSES	                  You have not patience; come.

TROILUS	I pray you, stay; by hell and all hell's torments
	I will not speak a word!

DIOMEDES	And so, good night.

CRESSIDA	Nay, but you part in anger.

TROILUS	Doth that grieve thee?
	O wither'd truth!

ULYSSES	                  Why, how now, lord!

TROILUS	By Jove,
	I will be patient.

CRESSIDA	                  Guardian!--why, Greek!

DIOMEDES	Foh, foh! adieu; you palter.

CRESSIDA	In faith, I do not: come hither once again.

ULYSSES	You shake, my lord, at something: will you go?
	You will break out.

TROILUS	She strokes his cheek!

ULYSSES	Come, come.

TROILUS	Nay, stay; by Jove, I will not speak a word:
	There is between my will and all offences
	A guard of patience: stay a little while.

THERSITES	How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and
	potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!

DIOMEDES	But will you, then?

CRESSIDA	In faith, I will, la; never trust me else.

DIOMEDES	Give me some token for the surety of it.

CRESSIDA	I'll fetch you one.

	[Exit]

ULYSSES	You have sworn patience.

TROILUS	Fear me not, sweet lord;
	I will not be myself, nor have cognition
	Of what I feel: I am all patience.

	[Re-enter CRESSIDA]

THERSITES	Now the pledge; now, now, now!

CRESSIDA	Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve.

TROILUS	O beauty! where is thy faith?

ULYSSES	My lord,--

TROILUS	I will be patient; outwardly I will.

CRESSIDA	You look upon that sleeve; behold it well.
	He loved me--O false wench!--Give't me again.

DIOMEDES	Whose was't?

CRESSIDA	It is no matter, now I have't again.
	I will not meet with you to-morrow night:
	I prithee, Diomed, visit me no more.

THERSITES	Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!

DIOMEDES	I shall have it.

CRESSIDA	                  What, this?

DIOMEDES	Ay, that.

CRESSIDA	O, all you gods! O pretty, pretty pledge!
	Thy master now lies thinking in his bed
	Of thee and me, and sighs, and takes my glove,
	And gives memorial dainty kisses to it,
	As I kiss thee. Nay, do not snatch it from me;
	He that takes that doth take my heart withal.

DIOMEDES	I had your heart before, this follows it.

TROILUS	I did swear patience.

CRESSIDA	You shall not have it, Diomed; faith, you shall not;
	I'll give you something else.

DIOMEDES	I will have this: whose was it?

CRESSIDA	It is no matter.

DIOMEDES	Come, tell me whose it was.

CRESSIDA	'Twas one's that loved me better than you will.
	But, now you have it, take it.

DIOMEDES	Whose was it?

CRESSIDA	By all Diana's waiting-women yond,
	And by herself, I will not tell you whose.

DIOMEDES	To-morrow will I wear it on my helm,
	And grieve his spirit that dares not challenge it.

TROILUS	Wert thou the devil, and worest it on thy horn,
	It should be challenged.

CRESSIDA	Well, well, 'tis done, 'tis past: and yet it is not;
	I will not keep my word.

DIOMEDES	Why, then, farewell;
	Thou never shalt mock Diomed again.

CRESSIDA	You shall not go: one cannot speak a word,
	But it straight starts you.

DIOMEDES	I do not like this fooling.

THERSITES	Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best.

DIOMEDES	What, shall I come? the hour?

CRESSIDA	Ay, come:--O Jove!--do come:--I shall be plagued.

DIOMEDES	Farewell till then.

CRESSIDA	Good night: I prithee, come.

	[Exit DIOMEDES]

	Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee
	But with my heart the other eye doth see.
	Ah, poor our sex! this fault in us I find,
	The error of our eye directs our mind:
	What error leads must err; O, then conclude
	Minds sway'd by eyes are full of turpitude.

	[Exit]

THERSITES	A proof of strength she could not publish more,
	Unless she said ' My mind is now turn'd whore.'

ULYSSES	All's done, my lord.

TROILUS	It is.

ULYSSES	Why stay we, then?

TROILUS	To make a recordation to my soul
	Of every syllable that here was spoke.
	But if I tell how these two did co-act,
	Shall I not lie in publishing a truth?
	Sith yet there is a credence in my heart,
	An esperance so obstinately strong,
	That doth invert the attest of eyes and ears,
	As if those organs had deceptious functions,
	Created only to calumniate.
	Was Cressid here?

ULYSSES	                  I cannot conjure, Trojan.

TROILUS	She was not, sure.

ULYSSES	                  Most sure she was.

TROILUS	Why, my negation hath no taste of madness.

ULYSSES	Nor mine, my lord: Cressid was here but now.

TROILUS	Let it not be believed for womanhood!
	Think, we had mothers; do not give advantage
	To stubborn critics, apt, without a theme,
	For depravation, to square the general sex
	By Cressid's rule: rather think this not Cressid.

ULYSSES	What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers?

TROILUS	Nothing at all, unless that this were she.

THERSITES	Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes?

TROILUS	This she? no, this is Diomed's Cressida:
	If beauty have a soul, this is not she;
	If souls guide vows, if vows be sanctimonies,
	If sanctimony be the gods' delight,
	If there be rule in unity itself,
	This is not she. O madness of discourse,
	That cause sets up with and against itself!
	Bi-fold authority! where reason can revolt
	Without perdition, and loss assume all reason
	Without revolt: this is, and is not, Cressid.
	Within my soul there doth conduce a fight
	Of this strange nature that a thing inseparate
	Divides more wider than the sky and earth,
	And yet the spacious breadth of this division
	Admits no orifex for a point as subtle
	As Ariachne's broken woof to enter.
	Instance, O instance! strong as Pluto's gates;
	Cressid is mine, tied with the bonds of heaven:
	Instance, O instance! strong as heaven itself;
	The bonds of heaven are slipp'd, dissolved, and loosed;
	And with another knot, five-finger-tied,
	The fractions of her faith, orts of her love,
	The fragments, scraps, the bits and greasy relics
	Of her o'er-eaten faith, are bound to Diomed.

ULYSSES	May worthy Troilus be half attach'd
	With that which here his passion doth express?

TROILUS	Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged well
	In characters as red as Mars his heart
	Inflamed with Venus: never did young man fancy
	With so eternal and so fix'd a soul.
	Hark, Greek: as much as I do Cressid love,
	So much by weight hate I her Diomed:
	That sleeve is mine that he'll bear on his helm;
	Were it a casque composed by Vulcan's skill,
	My sword should bite it: not the dreadful spout
	Which shipmen do the hurricano call,
	Constringed in mass by the almighty sun,
	Shall dizzy with more clamour Neptune's ear
	In his descent than shall my prompted sword
	Falling on Diomed.

THERSITES	He'll tickle it for his concupy.

TROILUS	O Cressid! O false Cressid! false, false, false!
	Let all untruths stand by thy stained name,
	And they'll seem glorious.

ULYSSES	O, contain yourself
	Your passion draws ears hither.

	[Enter AENEAS]

AENEAS	I have been seeking you this hour, my lord:
	Hector, by this, is arming him in Troy;
	Ajax, your guard, stays to conduct you home.


TROILUS	Have with you, prince. My courteous lord, adieu.
	Farewell, revolted fair! and, Diomed,
	Stand fast, and wear a castle on thy head!

ULYSSES	I'll bring you to the gates.

TROILUS	Accept distracted thanks.

	[Exeunt TROILUS, AENEAS, and ULYSSES]

THERSITES	Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would
	croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode.
	Patroclus will give me any thing for the
	intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not
	do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab.
	Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing
	else holds fashion: a burning devil take them!

	[Exit]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE III	Troy. Before Priam's palace.


	[Enter HECTOR and ANDROMACHE]

ANDROMACHE	When was my lord so much ungently temper'd,
	To stop his ears against admonishment?
	Unarm, unarm, and do not fight to-day.

HECTOR	You train me to offend you; get you in:
	By all the everlasting gods, I'll go!

ANDROMACHE	My dreams will, sure, prove ominous to the day.

HECTOR	No more, I say.

	[Enter CASSANDRA]

CASSANDRA	                  Where is my brother Hector?

ANDROMACHE	Here, sister; arm'd, and bloody in intent.
	Consort with me in loud and dear petition,
	Pursue we him on knees; for I have dream'd
	Of bloody turbulence, and this whole night
	Hath nothing been but shapes and forms of slaughter.

CASSANDRA	O, 'tis true.

HECTOR	                  Ho! bid my trumpet sound!

CASSANDRA	No notes of sally, for the heavens, sweet brother.

HECTOR	Be gone, I say: the gods have heard me swear.

CASSANDRA	The gods are deaf to hot and peevish vows:
	They are polluted offerings, more abhorr'd
	Than spotted livers in the sacrifice.

ANDROMACHE	O, be persuaded! do not count it holy
	To hurt by being just: it is as lawful,
	For we would give much, to use violent thefts,
	And rob in the behalf of charity.

CASSANDRA	It is the purpose that makes strong the vow;
	But vows to every purpose must not hold:
	Unarm, sweet Hector.

HECTOR	Hold you still, I say;
	Mine honour keeps the weather of my fate:
	Lie every man holds dear; but the brave man
	Holds honour far more precious-dear than life.

	[Enter TROILUS]

	How now, young man! mean'st thou to fight to-day?

ANDROMACHE	Cassandra, call my father to persuade.

	[Exit CASSANDRA]

HECTOR	No, faith, young Troilus; doff thy harness, youth;
	I am to-day i' the vein of chivalry:
	Let grow thy sinews till their knots be strong,
	And tempt not yet the brushes of the war.
	Unarm thee, go, and doubt thou not, brave boy,
	I'll stand to-day for thee and me and Troy.

TROILUS	Brother, you have a vice of mercy in you,
	Which better fits a lion than a man.

HECTOR	What vice is that, good Troilus? chide me for it.

TROILUS	When many times the captive Grecian falls,
	Even in the fan and wind of your fair sword,
	You bid them rise, and live.

HECTOR	O,'tis fair play.

TROILUS	                  Fool's play, by heaven, Hector.

HECTOR	How now! how now!

TROILUS	                  For the love of all the gods,
	Let's leave the hermit pity with our mothers,
	And when we have our armours buckled on,
	The venom'd vengeance ride upon our swords,
	Spur them to ruthful work, rein them from ruth.

HECTOR	Fie, savage, fie!

TROILUS	                  Hector, then 'tis wars.

HECTOR	Troilus, I would not have you fight to-day.

TROILUS	Who should withhold me?
	Not fate, obedience, nor the hand of Mars
	Beckoning with fiery truncheon my retire;
	Not Priamus and Hecuba on knees,
	Their eyes o'ergalled with recourse of tears;
	Not you, my brother, with your true sword drawn,
	Opposed to hinder me, should stop my way,
	But by my ruin.

	[Re-enter CASSANDRA, with PRIAM]

CASSANDRA	Lay hold upon him, Priam, hold him fast:
	He is thy crutch; now if thou lose thy stay,
	Thou on him leaning, and all Troy on thee,
	Fall all together.

PRIAM	                  Come, Hector, come, go back:
	Thy wife hath dream'd; thy mother hath had visions;
	Cassandra doth foresee; and I myself
	Am like a prophet suddenly enrapt
	To tell thee that this day is ominous:
	Therefore, come back.

HECTOR	AEneas is a-field;
	And I do stand engaged to many Greeks,
	Even in the faith of valour, to appear
	This morning to them.

PRIAM	Ay, but thou shalt not go.

HECTOR	I must not break my faith.
	You know me dutiful; therefore, dear sir,
	Let me not shame respect; but give me leave
	To take that course by your consent and voice,
	Which you do here forbid me, royal Priam.

CASSANDRA	O Priam, yield not to him!

ANDROMACHE	Do not, dear father.

HECTOR	Andromache, I am offended with you:
	Upon the love you bear me, get you in.

	[Exit ANDROMACHE]

TROILUS	This foolish, dreaming, superstitious girl
	Makes all these bodements.

CASSANDRA	O, farewell, dear Hector!
	Look, how thou diest! look, how thy eye turns pale!
	Look, how thy wounds do bleed at many vents!
	Hark, how Troy roars! how Hecuba cries out!
	How poor Andromache shrills her dolours forth!
	Behold, distraction, frenzy and amazement,
	Like witless antics, one another meet,
	And all cry, Hector! Hector's dead! O Hector!

TROILUS	Away! away!

CASSANDRA	Farewell: yet, soft! Hector! take my leave:
	Thou dost thyself and all our Troy deceive.

	[Exit]

HECTOR	You are amazed, my liege, at her exclaim:
	Go in and cheer the town: we'll forth and fight,
	Do deeds worth praise and tell you them at night.

PRIAM	Farewell: the gods with safety stand about thee!

	[Exeunt severally PRIAM and HECTOR. Alarums]

TROILUS	They are at it, hark! Proud Diomed, believe,
	I come to lose my arm, or win my sleeve.

	[Enter PANDARUS]

PANDARUS	Do you hear, my lord? do you hear?

TROILUS	What now?

PANDARUS	Here's a letter come from yond poor girl.

TROILUS	Let me read.

PANDARUS	A whoreson tisick, a whoreson rascally tisick so
	troubles me, and the foolish fortune of this girl;
	and what one thing, what another, that I shall
	leave you one o' these days: and I have a rheum
	in mine eyes too, and such an ache in my bones
	that, unless a man were cursed, I cannot tell what
	to think on't. What says she there?

TROILUS	Words, words, mere words, no matter from the heart:
	The effect doth operate another way.

	[Tearing the letter]

	Go, wind, to wind, there turn and change together.
	My love with words and errors still she feeds;
	But edifies another with her deeds.

	[Exeunt severally]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE IV	Plains between Troy and the Grecian camp.


	[Alarums: excursions. Enter THERSITES]

THERSITES	Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go
	look on. That dissembling abominable varlets Diomed,
	has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's
	sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see
	them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that
	loves the whore there, might send that Greekish
	whore-masterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the
	dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless errand.
	O' the t'other side, the policy of those crafty
	swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry
	cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is
	not proved worthy a blackberry: they set me up, in
	policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of
	as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax
	prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm
	to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim
	barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion.
	Soft! here comes sleeve, and t'other.

	[Enter DIOMEDES, TROILUS following]

TROILUS	Fly not; for shouldst thou take the river Styx,
	I would swim after.

DIOMEDES	Thou dost miscall retire:
	I do not fly, but advantageous care
	Withdrew me from the odds of multitude:
	Have at thee!

THERSITES	Hold thy whore, Grecian!--now for thy whore,
	Trojan!--now the sleeve, now the sleeve!

	[Exeunt TROILUS and DIOMEDES, fighting]

	[Enter HECTOR]

HECTOR	What art thou, Greek? art thou for Hector's match?
	Art thou of blood and honour?

THERSITES	No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave:
	a very filthy rogue.

HECTOR	I do believe thee: live.

	[Exit]

THERSITES	God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a
	plague break thy neck for frightening me! What's
	become of the wenching rogues? I think they have
	swallowed one another: I would laugh at that
	miracle: yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself.
	I'll seek them.

	[Exit]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE V	Another part of the plains.


	[Enter DIOMEDES and a Servant]

DIOMEDES	Go, go, my servant, take thou Troilus' horse;
	Present the fair steed to my lady Cressid:
	Fellow, commend my service to her beauty;
	Tell her I have chastised the amorous Trojan,
	And am her knight by proof.

Servant	I go, my lord.

	[Exit]

	[Enter AGAMEMNON]

AGAMEMNON	Renew, renew! The fierce Polydamas
	Hath beat down Menon: bastard Margarelon
	Hath Doreus prisoner,
	And stands colossus-wise, waving his beam,
	Upon the pashed corses of the kings
	Epistrophus and Cedius: Polyxenes is slain,
	Amphimachus and Thoas deadly hurt,
	Patroclus ta'en or slain, and Palamedes
	Sore hurt and bruised: the dreadful Sagittary
	Appals our numbers: haste we, Diomed,
	To reinforcement, or we perish all.

	[Enter NESTOR]

NESTOR	Go, bear Patroclus' body to Achilles;
	And bid the snail-paced Ajax arm for shame.
	There is a thousand Hectors in the field:
	Now here he fights on Galathe his horse,
	And there lacks work; anon he's there afoot,
	And there they fly or die, like scaled sculls
	Before the belching whale; then is he yonder,
	And there the strawy Greeks, ripe for his edge,
	Fall down before him, like the mower's swath:
	Here, there, and every where, he leaves and takes,
	Dexterity so obeying appetite
	That what he will he does, and does so much
	That proof is call'd impossibility.

	[Enter ULYSSES]

ULYSSES	O, courage, courage, princes! great Achilles
	Is arming, weeping, cursing, vowing vengeance:
	Patroclus' wounds have roused his drowsy blood,
	Together with his mangled Myrmidons,
	That noseless, handless, hack'd and chipp'd, come to him,
	Crying on Hector. Ajax hath lost a friend
	And foams at mouth, and he is arm'd and at it,
	Roaring for Troilus, who hath done to-day
	Mad and fantastic execution,
	Engaging and redeeming of himself
	With such a careless force and forceless care
	As if that luck, in very spite of cunning,
	Bade him win all.

	[Enter AJAX]

AJAX	Troilus! thou coward Troilus!

	[Exit]

DIOMEDES	Ay, there, there.

NESTOR	So, so, we draw together.

	[Enter ACHILLES]

ACHILLES	Where is this Hector?
	Come, come, thou boy-queller, show thy face;
	Know what it is to meet Achilles angry:
	Hector? where's Hector? I will none but Hector.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE VI	Another part of the plains.


	[Enter AJAX]

AJAX	Troilus, thou coward Troilus, show thy head!

	[Enter DIOMEDES]

DIOMEDES	Troilus, I say! where's Troilus?

AJAX	What wouldst thou?

DIOMEDES	I would correct him.

AJAX	Were I the general, thou shouldst have my office
	Ere that correction. Troilus, I say! what, Troilus!

	[Enter TROILUS]

TROILUS	O traitor Diomed! turn thy false face, thou traitor,
	And pay thy life thou owest me for my horse!

DIOMEDES	Ha, art thou there?

AJAX	I'll fight with him alone: stand, Diomed.

DIOMEDES	He is my prize; I will not look upon.

TROILUS	Come, both you cogging Greeks; have at you both!

	[Exeunt, fighting]

	[Enter HECTOR]

HECTOR	Yea, Troilus? O, well fought, my youngest brother!

	[Enter ACHILLES]

ACHILLES	Now do I see thee, ha! have at thee, Hector!

HECTOR	Pause, if thou wilt.

ACHILLES	I do disdain thy courtesy, proud Trojan:
	Be happy that my arms are out of use:
	My rest and negligence befriends thee now,
	But thou anon shalt hear of me again;
	Till when, go seek thy fortune.

	[Exit]

HECTOR	Fare thee well:
	I would have been much more a fresher man,
	Had I expected thee. How now, my brother!

	[Re-enter TROILUS]

TROILUS	Ajax hath ta'en AEneas: shall it be?
	No, by the flame of yonder glorious heaven,
	He shall not carry him: I'll be ta'en too,
	Or bring him off: fate, hear me what I say!
	I reck not though I end my life to-day.

	[Exit]

	[Enter one in sumptuous armour]

HECTOR	Stand, stand, thou Greek; thou art a goodly mark:
	No? wilt thou not? I like thy armour well;
	I'll frush it and unlock the rivets all,
	But I'll be master of it: wilt thou not,
	beast, abide?
	Why, then fly on, I'll hunt thee for thy hide.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE VII	Another part of the plains.


	[Enter ACHILLES, with Myrmidons]

ACHILLES	Come here about me, you my Myrmidons;
	Mark what I say. Attend me where I wheel:
	Strike not a stroke, but keep yourselves in breath:
	And when I have the bloody Hector found,
	Empale him with your weapons round about;
	In fellest manner execute your aims.
	Follow me, sirs, and my proceedings eye:
	It is decreed Hector the great must die.

	[Exeunt]

	[Enter MENELAUS and PARIS, fighting:
	then THERSITES]

THERSITES	The cuckold and the cuckold-maker are at it. Now,
	bull! now, dog! 'Loo, Paris, 'loo! now my double-
	henned sparrow! 'loo, Paris, 'loo! The bull has the
	game: ware horns, ho!

	[Exeunt PARIS and MENELAUS]

	[Enter MARGARELON]

MARGARELON	Turn, slave, and fight.

THERSITES	What art thou?

MARGARELON	A bastard son of Priam's.

THERSITES	I am a bastard too; I love bastards: I am a bastard
	begot, bastard instructed, bastard in mind, bastard
	in valour, in every thing illegitimate. One bear will
	not bite another, and wherefore should one bastard?
	Take heed, the quarrel's most ominous to us: if the
	son of a whore fight for a whore, he tempts judgment:
	farewell, bastard.

	[Exit]

MARGARELON	The devil take thee, coward!

	[Exit]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE VIII	Another part of the plains.


	[Enter HECTOR]

HECTOR	Most putrefied core, so fair without,
	Thy goodly armour thus hath cost thy life.
	Now is my day's work done; I'll take good breath:
	Rest, sword; thou hast thy fill of blood and death.

	[Puts off his helmet and hangs his shield
	behind him]

	[Enter ACHILLES and Myrmidons]

ACHILLES	Look, Hector, how the sun begins to set;
	How ugly night comes breathing at his heels:
	Even with the vail and darking of the sun,
	To close the day up, Hector's life is done.

HECTOR	I am unarm'd; forego this vantage, Greek.

ACHILLES	Strike, fellows, strike; this is the man I seek.

	[HECTOR falls]

	So, Ilion, fall thou next! now, Troy, sink down!
	Here lies thy heart, thy sinews, and thy bone.
	On, Myrmidons, and cry you all amain,
	'Achilles hath the mighty Hector slain.'

	[A retreat sounded]

	Hark! a retire upon our Grecian part.

MYRMIDONS	The Trojan trumpets sound the like, my lord.

ACHILLES	The dragon wing of night o'erspreads the earth,
	And, stickler-like, the armies separates.
	My half-supp'd sword, that frankly would have fed,
	Pleased with this dainty bait, thus goes to bed.

	[Sheathes his sword]

	Come, tie his body to my horse's tail;
	Along the field I will the Trojan trail.

	[Exeunt]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE IX	Another part of the plains.


	[Enter AGAMEMNON, AJAX, MENELAUS, NESTOR, DIOMEDES,
	and others, marching. Shouts within]

AGAMEMNON	Hark! hark! what shout is that?

NESTOR	Peace, drums!

	[Within]

	Achilles! Achilles! Hector's slain! Achilles.

DIOMEDES	The bruit is, Hector's slain, and by Achilles.

AJAX	If it be so, yet bragless let it be;
	Great Hector was a man as good as he.

AGAMEMNON	March patiently along: let one be sent
	To pray Achilles see us at our tent.
	If in his death the gods have us befriended,
	Great Troy is ours, and our sharp wars are ended.

	[Exeunt, marching]




	TROILUS AND CRESSIDA


ACT V



SCENE X	Another part of the plains.


	[Enter AENEAS and Trojans]

AENEAS	Stand, ho! yet are we masters of the field:
	Never go home; here starve we out the night.

	[Enter TROILUS]

TROILUS	Hector is slain.

ALL	                  Hector! the gods forbid!

TROILUS	He's dead; and at the murderer's horse's tail,
	In beastly sort, dragg'd through the shameful field.
	Frown on, you heavens, effect your rage with speed!
	Sit, gods, upon your thrones, and smile at Troy!
	I say, at once let your brief plagues be mercy,
	And linger not our sure destructions on!

AENEAS	My lord, you do discomfort all the host!

TROILUS	You understand me not that tell me so:
	I do not speak of flight, of fear, of death,
	But dare all imminence that gods and men
	Address their dangers in. Hector is gone:
	Who shall tell Priam so, or Hecuba?
	Let him that will a screech-owl aye be call'd,
	Go in to Troy, and say there, Hector's dead:
	There is a word will Priam turn to stone;
	Make wells and Niobes of the maids and wives,
	Cold statues of the youth, and, in a word,
	Scare Troy out of itself. But, march away:
	Hector is dead; there is no more to say.
	Stay yet. You vile abominable tents,
	Thus proudly pight upon our Phrygian plains,
	Let Titan rise as early as he dare,
	I'll through and through you! and, thou great-sized coward,
	No space of earth shall sunder our two hates:
	I'll haunt thee like a wicked conscience still,
	That mouldeth goblins swift as frenzy's thoughts.
	Strike a free march to Troy! with comfort go:
	Hope of revenge shall hide our inward woe.

	[Exeunt AENEAS and Trojans]

	[As TROILUS is going out, enter, from the other
	side, PANDARUS]

PANDARUS	But hear you, hear you!

TROILUS	Hence, broker-lackey! ignomy and shame
	Pursue thy life, and live aye with thy name!

	[Exit]

PANDARUS	A goodly medicine for my aching bones! O world!
	world! world! thus is the poor agent despised!
	O traitors and bawds, how earnestly are you set
	a-work, and how ill requited! why should our
	endeavour be so loved and the performance so loathed?
	what verse for it? what instance for it? Let me see:
	Full merrily the humble-bee doth sing,
	Till he hath lost his honey and his sting;
	And being once subdued in armed tail,
	Sweet honey and sweet notes together fail.
	Good traders in the flesh, set this in your
	painted cloths.
	As many as be here of pander's hall,
	Your eyes, half out, weep out at Pandar's fall;
	Or if you cannot weep, yet give some groans,
	Though not for me, yet for your aching bones.
	Brethren and sisters of the hold-door trade,
	Some two months hence my will shall here be made:
	It should be now, but that my fear is this,
	Some galled goose of Winchester would hiss:
	Till then I'll sweat and seek about for eases,
	And at that time bequeathe you my diseases.

	[Exit]